Googling Styles Of The Zodiac

You can tell a lot about zodiac personalities through the observation of people’s googling styles.

Of course, everyone ebbs and flows. Your “research methods” could alter depending on the type of transit you are having.

Still, here are some fundamental theories to consider.

Rage Googling

Rage googling is a digital expression of confirmation bias. It’s when you go looking for yet more evidence that a corrupt politician is truly douche-core. Bonus points for scrolling straight down the content, sulfurous sparks flying off your fingertips, to get to the comments. You can also rage-google telecommunications company’s reviews or, if your target is in showbiz, include search terms like “overrated.”

When the autofill finishes your question for you, is it that the algorithm knows you? Or are there thousands of like-minded rage googlers out there? You don’t have time to ponder this; it’s like you’re looking for a cortisol hit.

Zodiac personalities most likely to rage-google are people with strong Mars placements, anything in Aries and the Cardinal signs in general.

Hypochondriac Googling 

It’s kind of rational. If you have a strange symptom or a diagnosis you want to inform yourself on, it makes sense to gather info. Or, if you’re not thrilled with the allopathic diagnosis, why not check out alternative remedies? You can also be suddenly interested in something you’re usually blase about, like dry toenails or probiotic toothpaste.

But then all of a sudden you morph into cross-checking differential diagnoses. You find out you can order experimental drugs from an “innovative” laboratory in a country that helpfully has no pharmaceutical laws but heaps of abandoned airstrips.

You clock the Louise Hay mantra (you’re safe and protected, but something is suppressed) and are tossing up between turmeric (again) or high potency mushrooms. Bonus points for having more than ten tabs open and ordering pizza/hot chips at the same time. Or for realizing that you’ve just ordered plumage enhancer for parrots to help with the dry toenails.

The astrological archetype most into hypochondriac googling? Virgo – because it hones and refines the Virgo Vision. Also, people with intense 6th House energy or aspects to their Moon.

Masochistic Googling

Deeply unpleasant, the masochistic google session usually involves some version of perving at houses beyond your budget, people who resemble you at an age you’ve progressed past or peers more materially successful/renowned than you.

But it can also be self-googling – a disaster if you have any public profile – or stalking around the social media of family members or ex-friends. But for what exactly?

It’s lower Pluto behavior. It feels ‘deep,’ but it’s not really, and is often a synthetic substitute for deeper emotions or a structured soul mining/psycho-therapeutic audit. Bonus points for switching straight from there to a manic self-improvement search and ordering fat-fuqer herbs or de-crone face cream.

There are no particular zodiac personalities prone to this although Leo is most likely to google themselves. However, it’s more likely to be a Dark Moon activity, mainly when Saturn is in the picture.

Love Zombie Sleuth Googling 

If you know astrology, it starts with a quick little peek at the progressed composite chart. Then you bingle around the back blocks of social media for a while, extracting vital clues from their banal comments on the weather or television. Love Zombie Sleuth Googling is hard because you don’t usually have that much to go on. There is only so much information you can gather on a person you’re not really in contact with.

It is the most pointless and sad googling style of all: street viewing, checking out the neighborhood of their potential new job, or seeing what their third cousin is up to. Outside of an actual hard drug habit, it is the single most psychically draining human activity. Bonus points for doing it with Lilac Wine and listening to the music compilation you made for them.

To delineate the zodiac personalities most into this is impossible – it is usually a phrase, preferably a short one. It’s mischanneled Neptune energy, a tricky Neptune-Venus transit, and often-times Pisces/12th House people.

Avoidance Googling

Avoidance Googling is rad, and we know exactly who does it. It’s the Mutable Signs. In search engine advertising, there are specific keywords that cost a lot. If you want your ad to appear when people search for these, you pay heaps. When people search these terms, they’re ready to book and spend money.

Examples? “Divorce Lawyer.”  “Bad Back fixed.” “Broken window.”  And anything 8th House in nature – buying sex or money – will likewise be an expensive ad-sale. People want some things when they want them.

But Avoidance Googling is the complete opposite of that. It’s when you have something you don’t want to be doing so you jump into a relatively bogus bit of googling. First, you check a developing news story; nothing wrong with that, you tell yourself as you open five links in new tabs.

Then, before you know it, you’ve circled back in your mind to something that the so-called news story reminded you of. You were on a wide avenue with trees but suddenly you’re in the internet equivalent of a meth lab, scouring some Illuminati conspiracy theory site.

You’ve costed your move to another country, found an essay from the late Eighties that puts everything in context and are concurrently reading The Atlantic and the Daily Mail. Maybe you’ll also try to find that poem you liked when you were 17. It’s about understanding your influences. Wait. That thing about pesticides being used in voodoo just loaded.

Avoidance Googling is Mutable: Gemini, Sagittarius, Virgo, and Pisces are brilliant at it. Also, mercurial people and Third house types.


Image: Swordfish – Hugh Jackman

35 thoughts on “Googling Styles Of The Zodiac”

  1. astronautpants

    I’m dying laughing, as I found this article as part of my afternoon Avoidance Googling. My Virgo ascendant, Sag Mars, 3rd house Scorp moon, and sun/mercury in Aquarius are guilty as charged.

  2. I keep coming back to re read this post. This is some seriously delicious writing. Bang on MM.
    Sharp blow to the funny bone! Also, how great is this Mars in Virgo energy? The speed of the Tarot readings on my phone deliver instant shots of dopamine – given the cards coming up- pure joy. I was skeptical about the “August is going to be great” predictions. Consider me converted.
    Hope this doesn’t make me complacent.

  3. Let this give you hope if your online persona is feeling less than stellar- when my progressed moon was in Cancer and in the 8th house (my south node) I lived in a fetid cyber swamp and roamed the comments section of this very site as a feral, teenage love zombie. I think my screen name was actually Blue Moon.

  4. Ha! Avoidance googling is my daily exercise. Which leads to hypochondriac googling for symptoms which could be avoided if I turned off the computer and Went For A Walk for Fuq-sakes! Sadly you can’t get vitamin D from a computer screen even though the blue light makes you think it’s morning 24 hrs a day.

    I don’t usually google celebrities but the other day had a whatever happened to? moment and wound up searching for all the celebrities who were the hot young things of my generation and was pleasantly surprised to find that quite a few of them look more middle aged than I do. So reverse masochistic in that case.

    I refuse to rage goole. See: avoidance googling. There are too many fascinating things to google to bother with the polarized call-out culture of geopolitics these days. Confirmation bias is not information.

  5. Oh god, I do All Of These at times. Obsessively zoning in on information is a blessing professionally but a curse in my personal life. I’ve had to put strict limits on the hypochondriac and LZ googling in particular for my own sanity. Gemini South Node, Venus in Gemini in the 8th house, trine Pluto in the 12th. Moon in the 3rd house square Pluto… Twitter is even worse for rage searches than Google and I’ve installed Block Chain just so that I can block somebody, and all of their followers, and everyone they are following, which accomplishes nothing at all in reality, yet is oddly satisfying.

  6. I combine Scorp: There must be some dirt here hunches with Gem- ooh look at the cats-to who else was chums with JE- and own nothing-Nordic décor tips totally unsuited to my sentimental paper stash.

    Due to respect for Karma Kops/ethics I do only check Astro in events not peeps- unless expressly asked.

    Actually just deleted lots of charts- last remnants of energy trails zapped.

  7. I am wondering about Apocalypse Googling. I recently bought a ticket for a concert for me and partner in a town where fascists have become active and the neo-fascist party popular. A comment to me like “I hope the venue isn’t on the edge of town (it is!!!). It should be ok, but….” sent me into a kind of spiralling Google frenzy where I quickly imagined a Dusk to Dawn Neo Nazi nightmare scenario. OMG, there’s been a sword attack etc.

  8. Weirdly enough for a confirmed strong 12th houser with Neptune Jove Moon rising and as Pisces Sun, it is Avoidance and Rage in the second place, but i will admit to being Antares on the rise of my 12 th conjunct in Sag, Mars just in late 1st, Capricorn. Have avoided the Face-shit-on-your-book, and the Insta-ever-insta-ever-urgently-now thing as an Uranus square Sun square Mercury trine Neptune et al but also as a Pluto opposed Sun square Mercury squared Pluto (and merc trine the nep jove moon on the rise) NOT YET, NOT NOW, NOT REALLY FOR NO REASON

  9. Avoidance googling is totally me:
    “First, you check a developing news story; nothing wrong with that, you tell yourself as you open five links in new tabs.” This is literally how I start my day! Of course there is a sixth tab open for MM site 🙂

    Triple conjunct Gem in 3rd house

  10. I feel like Bookmark Hoarding should also be a signature of some sign(s), not sure which ones though. Maybe Gemini, Sag and Aquarius. “No time to read this whole article now, but it sure looks important/intriguing, I’m certain I’ll want to investigate it in more depth some time.” *bookmarks*
    *repeats 10 000 times*
    *never gets around to it*

  11. The avoidance Googling is me at my job, hands down, for sure, every day of the week. I was laughing at this, and myself.

  12. Hahaha. It’s 2am, I’m reading this in a sleep avoidant google bender. Gemini stellium, Pisces moon and rising with a packed 3rd house. My tab game must take up at least 70% of my day. If I don’t know the answer to something, even a rogue thought, it’s going in the search box. I laughed out loud into the silent night air, this is gold. I feel so seen!

  13. Let’s not forget the 2am retail bender. When your Amazon cart is suddenly pushing itself to the cash register, with 5 items you barely need… How streamlined everything is… With a few clicks you have another moment of retail high— in two days at your doorstep!— akin to touching Aladdin’s lamp… Or it could be Ebay, or Etsy (hello infinite scrolling!) or that obscure perfume site from which you have to purchase ALL the perfumes with “longevity and sillage”. And Google is there, on that side tab, a trusted accomplice in that side search “oriental tuberose perfumes”… Oh, had forgotten Diptique has solid perfumes! And then you are on the Nordstrom site (US) and it’s sale season.

    1. Oh yes. I’ve woken up from perfectly sober nights with order confirmation emails I certainly did not recall lucidly consenting to 😂

      1. I read this as I have Etsy and Pinterest, as well as a couple of other favourite online stores that I technically need nothing from, open in the next tab, and I just googled something I KIND OF wanted to buy months ago but could not recall where I saw it. I feel like that is a Taurus/Libra/Leo thing especially.

  14. what about, like, Ambition Googling? kind of an intensive subject-matter investigation / validate and establish pathway / next Life Choice thing…

      1. My search history for this afternoon which I had been berating myself for wasting is all budgeting / saving/entry level investment strategies. This morning I honestly deleted instagram because my feed is just Capricorn memes lately.
        And who has time?
        it’s getting very niche

    1. Thanks Pi
      Was getting paranoid about this morning’s pre swimming neurological happy meal (an hour of bra sewing tutorials on youtube) followed by post swim operation stoic veg out – literally -vegan meal planning for £10 per week or less
      – Jack Monroe -I’m obsessed.
      My Gooarchetype is deeply pretentious, cookies on fleek.

  15. Bahahaha Venus square Neptune sq Jupiter natally, and just finished up with Neptune transiting my Venus-Dsc and through my 7th house over my Sun-Saturn-Merc. Guilty as charged!
    I should add that I gave it up long ago. For the record, lol.

  16. Saturn in Pisces

    AMAZING! Though I want to volunteer Scorpio for their own specialty I call “knife in hand Love Zombie rage Googling” (this is purely observational).

    Might I also add for Capricorn/Taurus/heavy Saturn and Venus (glancing @ my own search history), getting lost in Reddit luxury watch drama/repeatedly searching variations of “eBay cheap Cartier Tank.” Yes, “overrated” was a big search term (Aries Moon/Venus conjunct).

  17. If I could monetise avoidance googling I’d be a millionaire. Also indulge in some moderate hypochondriac googling. In my younger days a secret sporadic love zombie sleuther. I love this post. Have about 30 tabs open.

  18. “Then, before you know it, you’ve circled back in your mind to something that the so-called new story reminded you of” and posted a comment on MM blog (again)

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