Your Love Zombie Greatest Hits

What were your worst or most lurid Love Zombie highs and lows? In honor of Venus square Neptune, past and present L.Z.s share their stories.

So subscribers will have noticed the Love Zombie alerts woven into their Horoscopes for the weekend, yes? Some signs are more at risk than others. And it may even be GOOD for Pisceans.  But, to avoid the stunning Love Zombie trigger that is Venus in Saggo square Neptune in Pisces, it pays to know your demons and proclivities. If, for example,  you are likely to have two glasses of Blue Devil Hoochie Juice and then text something “witty” to a known suspect, either stay off the juice or enlist your drinking companion to help stop the L.Z spiral.

But anyway, this post is called Love Zombie Greatest Hits because – partly to stave off any repeat-undead-benders this weekend – you guys are going to share your worst L.Z Excess.

I will say that one of the worst Love Zombies i ever knew was a male – Cancerian. He fell insanely in love with a Capricorn stripper and would not listen to reason. He’d say everyone had a problem with the sex industry or with her ethnicity. Nuh. Nothing was doing there. He was moving in media-entertainment-arts circles; nobody gave a crap. It was more that she was flagrantly unfaithful and with the gentleman introduced as her “brother visiting from interstate and staying for a while.”

Plus the raging Space Dust habit and her epic genius at draining the Cancerian Love Zombie of money and resources.

Cancerian Love Zombie did not care. The Capricorn Stripper was, he said, his Muse. When she’d rock up off her face and angrily throw stuff at his window, she became his “Dark Muse.”  The Love Zombie Trance did eventually wear off, and he was all like, “why didn’t anyone say anything?” 

So please – what are your Love Zombie highs and lows?

155 thoughts on “Your Love Zombie Greatest Hits”

  1. hiddendragonqueen

    gah! i am having a full-on relapse after months of lz sobriety. month, whatever. post-eclipse. 🙂 i swear venus hit sag and the full body telepathic connection went off. did the oracle. did a horay. want to do a spell but the i ching said no. did the zap oracle, looked at his pictures and FUQ, i’m toast again, just like the last time jupiter and lilith were conjunct. sprouted barley toast this time maybe, not the mooshy pumpkin bread of before, but toast nonetheless.

  2. oh also the constant references to specific illness, dollar figures peppered throughout, name drops – a complete sales pitch – if not for a product then certainly an emotional sales pitch – a qi vamp by any other name is still a qi vamp.

    Your site still rocks and shines 🙂

  3. sorry for your icky contact – this person was one of those me victim me can say what me wants type full of vengeful wrath. Also possibly looking for buyers – when first saw new name with link a week ago, went and had a look – WHO would want the energy of exploitation et al from that poor darkened country, Afghanistan, to wear on their person? This person REEKS of exploitation. That poor girl.

    Moon in Aqua vibes to you – the clear and refreshing bliss of fairness for humanity xx

  4. Thanks Mystic, sending support your way. I read some of the early stuff and thought at first it must be a joke but then it quickly became apparent it was not… it was layer upon layer of violations, so very glad you shut it down xx

  5. Venus square Neptune in my natal chart. My whole romantic history is the tale of the Love Zombie, but the worst was the Sag. He was rich and spoiled and threw big parties and I’d always try to be the last girl there because – no matter who that girl was – he was going to have sex with her. When I turned 18 he promoted me to girlfriend status, which I thought was odd since all that really meant was he’d be lying to me instead of someone else. I lived with him for a year before I was so drained I really had to leave to survive. I reconnected with him like 20 years later as I was going through my divorce. I drove 2 hours to stay a night in a hotel with him like sex was going to make him leave his life to be with me. Whatever. Sent him millions of emails a day. He assured me he is a worthless, “naturally bad” human being and I insisted he wasn’t. But somehow, the magic wore off, and I realized he is a coward and an idiot.

    I don’t quite get it – but I think my relationship pattern has something to do with my 5th house Lilith. Like, I want to reclaim children via the lost wounded inner-boys of fucked up and unavailable men.

    1. 12th.. I think I am with you. I was thinking about that “little boy” scenario all the way to work. I honestly feel like he needs help with growing up and I feel like I might make a difference. How pathetic am I? It is just so sad to see him looking and feeling worthless. He doesn’t deserve it but neither do I. I keep on waiting. [sigh and shaking my head}.

      1. I say this with compassion – it is very pathetic, Virgo Ellie, that love is associated with a running list of all that is totally wrong with your beloved, and you projecting your own neediness on to him instead of honoring your own needs. You would be wise to recognize your desire to control someone else’s life/self-esteem, etc. All you can control is your self. And that’s obviously not easy and the ongoing work of a lifetime.

        Its not love. And you should let it go.

      2. I’ve “loved” drug dealers and sex abuse victims, I married a foreigner, I currently have a crush on a tattoo-artist/fetish performer who lives a thousand miles away.

        Its easy to love someone who isn’t fully there. Someone who is so clearly flawed as it makes you so clearly less flawed. But I am done pretending the need for healing belongs to everyone but me. I’m as imperfect and as needing and deserving as love as all the love-zombie victims I’ve had over the years. Telling someone what they need from you or giving them a running list of what they need to do to “heal” is not loving. Its annoying. It really is that simple.

      3. Raché (Aqua/Tauri)

        It IS easy to love someone not fully there, isn’t it?

        I relate to this a lot, I’m always after people across the globe, blaming the failure of the relationship on the distance when it’s sooooo much more…

      4. My mum tells me I keep on trying to have a relationship with ‘Peter Pan’ because _I_ don’t want to grow up.

    2. Venus square Neptune (Neptune is in Scorp in 7th house as well)… I’ve been very delusional in love, and seemed to only want unavailable men throughout my 20s and 30s. I call it RO – romantic obsession. Becoming obsessed with someone I don’t even really know. I’ve been giving this up in my 40s and becoming more rational though. Still waiting to find someone who actually likes me back and is available. I always wanted the ones who weren’t interested in me!

      1. I’ve been reflecting on my love zombie lessons. When I reconnected with the Sag, it was Kundalini-raw-mystical-power was released in me. Hardcore mystical shit. I was close to atheist before that experience. Now…fuck all…the magic of spirit is my everything.

        I realized, I want someone who cares about the mysteries and magic in the Universe. And he didn’t. But I also played the role of the loving victim. I tried to stand back from the experience, as I have in all my other relationships, and fix him. I saw in a flash how it would end – I’d get sick of his shallow shit and I’d move on and love someone else. And a decade or two later, we’d see each other again. And I’d feel nothing for him. And that – knowing – that feelings and connections change and even fade – that was the most painful, clinging part of it. I was in so much pain. I prayed to the Universe to release me. And it asked “will you let him go?” and I was like “FUCK NO!” and now I can’t explain why.

        I was forced into a position where I had to recognize my own power and values. And that’s when I reconnected with Uranian Scorp. Its not like I think he’s the one to solve my life for me. I don’t need that one. I need someone available. That’s the top of my list. And that’s why I stopped communicating with him. Because he’s not available. Maybe that will change, maybe it won’t.
        But if I hadn’t recognized my own power and values, if I hadn’t accepted that connections change as course of spiritual evolution, I never would have realized how much Uranian Scorp is of what I want. Its not at all what I think I would. Its challenging. But that clarity – based on my own power – I think counts as growth.

      2. I want Uranian Scorp to be a par t of my life. Not in a pleading, grabbing, fixing way. In a loving way. And I want to tell him what I’ve learned and how. I want to tell him that I want him. But I’m not chasing. I’m especially not hunting down what’s wrong with him – which is what I did with the Sag. But, if Uranian Scorp is a part of my soul and the man I fantasize about, then he feels me. Then, I don’t need the words around it. He’s OK. He’s in the same Universe I am. A man living his own life, sorting his own problems. By not making him my God, I give him space to be human. I think that’s improved loving behavior, no matter how zombied out I get on my own desires.

    3. hiddendragonqueen

      or, 5th house lilith chooses fucked up and unavailable men because what she really wants is children, and to have an excuse to fly away from him and raise her demon children on the banks of the red sea ALONE, fuq him’s all, you know? it is very much her mythology, more than any other house placement, perhaps.

      1. Ha. Hmm. Well, I do have my daughter and no husband and I kind of love that. It isn’t what I planned or hoped for but I can’t imagine a guy in the house telling her or I what to do.

      2. The more I think about it, the more this demon baby narrative resonates. Its not something easy to own about one’s self – you know? – a desire for demon babies. LOL! But there is something to it.

      3. hiddendragonqueen

        see? it’s perfect. and to balance out the freedom of owning and loving single freedomesque parenthood you are given this gigantic, telepathic, soul regenerating love which burns best in abstentia. not the easiest path perhaps but a damn good one.

  6. I was kind of finding it hard to following and trawling back to see what I’d accidentally missed. Now I understand. LZs can be a bit … um…. delusional 😉

    1. Happiness that was all deleted as it was my wake-up read and i found it bizarre.
      Eye pollution & mind numbing craziness.

    2. He was 49. She was 19. That’s all you need to know. That’s when the cranberry sauce came out of the can, thanks, Millie for the analogy 😉

  7. It takes a bit to surprise a pisces. After some debate the sag bits of me pressed play and it was awful. I pressed stop as soon as I saw the cranberry sauce on a plate, still in the shape of the can it came out of.

  8. Anony_Aus/Lux Interior is My Co-Pilot

    Ha! Must be my Pisces rising, coz I’m not feeling Love Zombie-esque in the slightest.

    Greatest hit?

    That would be gentleman who met a lady in Russia who suddenly developed a phantom pregnancy that disappeared after the wedding. She promptly left and scalped him after the minimum required legal time. He spent the rest of his life pining for her.

  9. normally i ignore any ‘love zombie’ specific posts, they’re not my cup of chai, but this one I am almost sorry I missed…

  10. StayStrongandStrive

    I wrote a comment on the other post warning love zombies and spoke of how determined I was to move on and how I didn’t feel the slightest tinge to run back to my ex who confessed their love for me after 10 months of silence. I was very hurt by this break up and was surprised at how I felt.

    Last night, I think it was because I was surrounded by Love Zombies.. like serious love zombies try 2 hour conversations about the ‘Ones that got away’ and these lovers sounded like complete and utter nut cases that sent mixed signals and did a lot of silent treatments over a period of weeks (mind you, 2 of them were going through a saturn return so um fair enough i guess)

    And I found myself fantasizing and wanting my ex. I got drunk last night. And was so impulsed to write a little witty text message to say ‘I think we’ll get married one day’ Um no.

    I feel much better today but that was intense

  11. ya something was off about that guy, in the future, if we get someone *off* like that guy again, you should just get rid of them as a matter of policy, being inclusive is one thing, but I dunno, exceptions are out there and if anyone has the judgment to get rid of people like that its you, its your website anyways

  12. Wow. Now this feels like a dream I can’t fully remember. Sad for the amount of suffering and cloudiness that is apparent here.

  13. Can we say prayers for the families in Newtown CT USA where a shooter took over 26 lives today, mostly children. My family is very close to this location and I have been crying all day.

  14. Why are so many peeps obsessed with men that are just not there, not partnering their lives them or sharing in any positve way.
    It’s like they set up camp in your mind, like a spell. It must be a matter of what
    ‘could be’ that is fantasied about? Or do we just like playing games with ourselves.
    The Steven Stills oldie ‘if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one your’e with’ is a gem.Interestingly that song was quoted in a movie set in 2073 (Prometheus), so it has a long life.

    A frog has arrived in my wild bird water bowl (in the driest sate of Oz), put some shells & rock in with it so it can hide if needs be. Put it on my hand & it just looked intensely at me, didn’t move. Symbol of ‘Cleansing’.
    Have taken the message on board. Venus action with animals, that’s apt
    for this Sagg, my prince charming in the palm of my hand 🙂 so delighted, it’s made my day, specially after reading some of the above!

  15. I have Venus opposing Neptune, Pisces rising. I’m with UPV. Marked the days on my calendar, and if need be, will send myself daily, no strike that, hourly reminders. I did this LZ thing for four effing years, so this time I’m running away. I made a list of my priorities
    for this week with the hawk-like observation of my cat’s health coming on top. Nuff said, no mental space to figments of imagination.

  16. Does anyone know of a good LZ antidote? Anything you can think / eat / drink / smell / watch / listen to which reduces LZ tendencies?

    I share a group of friends, a profession and a small suburb with an ex. I keep thinking that I’m over her but I’m clearly not. Heart races at the sight of her, every moment I spend with her is etched into my memory for future replay, ears are ever alert at the mention of her name.

    I can talk myself back from zombieness. Literally converse with the lovestruck part of me that won’t give up. I feel possessed. Maybe an exorcism is the answer?

    1. Exorcise yourself from the environment that you are in? Can you take an extended vacation? Exorcise her lingering spirit from your house via pictures, emails, clothes, gifts, etc. Paint your walls a different color. Join a gym. It’s tough, but getting out of the physical epicenter will probably do you best. Don’t need LZ haunting reminders everywhere you go.

      1. Done, done and done as far as possible. Moving house or city is not really a possibility for now but making new friends certainly is.

        And at any rate I think the occasional contact is having a positive effect – kind of like exposure therapy. Each time I see her I realise how tall a pedestal I put her on and that she is not the person I thought she was.

    2. Just keep trying. It eventually does pass. Though in my case it didn’t hurt to have an eclipse exactly conjunct my Venus. I didn’t even realize it at the time, but from that moment onward all visceral and obsessive attraction dissolved.

    3. Electric Eel Libran

      During my worst phase, I took a picture of the beloved and a rubber mallet. I smacked my hand if I thought loving and romantic thoughts about the person. It took a lot of bruising but eventually I trained myself to dislike the person through association with something unpleasant. It doesn’t have to cause pain. It can be take a slurp of mayonnaise (if you hate mayo) everytime instead…..

      1. Electric Eel Libran

        I don’t think you’ve been a LZ before or maybe you had a minor case. The addiction is much worse than things like cigarettes. You don’t have a brain to reason with anymore.

        Anyways, it worked for me, but I’m Mars conjunct Pluto natally.

    4. I have an antidote that’s worked for me and others. Basically you replace the feelings for ‘person x’ with ‘your creator’.
      Don’t get me wrong, its not about religious madness, its about falling in love with the energies that made you, gave you life, the energy that supports you, the energy that asks for nothing in return. Every time ‘that’ song comes on the radio, every time your desire fills you up, transmute it from ‘her’ to this force. There is no greater lover than the creator , no better friend. Try it, it will work, and the best thing about it ? it brings all kinds of love into your life, love beyond your wildest dreams. Any new relationship benefits too because all you have to do is channel that feeling, not be the constant source, if you get my drift. There is always 3 in my one on one relationships now. Me the other and the creator.

      1. oh hello dl your pisces is showing… the creator/ the universe / divine aethyr… has your total devotion

        there are always 3 (and if you count the forms of all the manifestations, uncountable)

        a real relationship is not a capsule but another way of relating to the divine and the whole world. best partners are those who have used our extra strength as two to help the marginalised and unfortunate. I miss the power we had to do more for those people.

      2. In ancient math, three is the first “real” number, the symbol of multiplicity. Contemplating the infinity is hard, but three is the baseline.

      3. Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this – truly a relief to read !
        Whether you are aware of it or not, your comment shows key leadership qualities — it’s/you’re solution focused, not problem focused, and emotionally mature, and that’s what sets people free and liberates — not hammering a rubber mat or picture of someone or associating them with awful tasting food. This is a very 12th house solution you’re suggesting – to take a problem and make the solution to it about your own divine and spiritual growth and benefit.

      4. Thankyou David

        Maybe you could write an ebook expanding on this? For people who don’t think God is a single white dude. I’d like to hear more…

    5. Hey, I had a brutal horrible romantic situation a few years ago where somehow I got into a weird situation where I was still sleeping with TWO of my exes, both of who I was crazy about and both of who weren’t ever going to come back. For, like 9 months. Eventually in desperation went and saw a kinesiologist and like magic, within 3 weeks had cut off contact with both of them and within 2 months was feeling better than I had in years… If it’s desperate times, it might be worth giving it a go. good luck.

    6. Sometimes some practical steps are useful – moving house, job, just so you are not so constantly reminded of what you feel you lost and you take up some goals for yourself that don’t involve this other person.

      Ultimately, I have found that acknowledging my love for the person includes loving them despite their choice not to be with me and wanting them to live the best and happiest life they can for themselves.

    7. I say dive deep into your own desires. What is the feeling you get from “her?” Because she’s not really there. You are. And desire is like a rocket you can use to shoot your life off. I don’t think repression or exorcism is an antidote. I think owning the fire and passion within yourself is.

  17. dude…. really? You puff up the “good” then kind of casually mention the horrible,wow you went to a lot of concerts and had sex and she was kind of ok sometimes, I think you should have snapped out of it at “she wanted to be in a porno”, you just brush it off and not only that get engaged to her? A lot of what you put feels like you are trying to impress us with how “great” you were in the relationship, and after all that greatness you feel she owes you something, surely after all that, after sticking around and putting up with all that she should come around by now, no, she is not going to come around, it was a dead end, it was a matter of how long are you going to stick around, when are you finally going to realize its a dead end, apparently it was right up until the end, this is not a reflection of how really really horrible she is, but how much you just refused to see it, at every turn you doubled down on this delusion, think about it, she literally was upset at you for not letting her be in a porno because she wants to be “creative”, really?that was a real argument you had? and you got engaged? it wasnt a deal break a woh woh woh what the hell is this but a, maybe we can get through this too? I think she never really wanted to be with you, but she has tons of mental problems so she isnt going to break up with you, no, she is just going to see how much she can get away with until you finally ditched her, deep inside thats what she wanted, it took so long she, the messy mentally ill one, literally had to be the one to take action and ditch the relationship, you see that, the crazy person literally saw it was not worth it before YOU did, I still dont think you see the extent of your obliviousness guy, the way you just casually throw in the hardcore big problems and just keep on truckin, the only thing that surprises me is that at every turn you were still surprised, some people are just really really messed up, its a shame, you can help some, but some you cant, then you move on

    1. ya, see, the big things you just see as “phases” or something temporal, its not, seriously considering a porno casually and arguing about it is reflective of a much bigger problem than relationship counseling can fix, really list all the dates you want, but even now you dont see how obviously a dead end that was, some people actually snap out of things and become more aware of reality when faced with sickness or near death experience actually, and some double down, well, when you double down, its possible to lose twice as much, next time put your money on a sure bet, instead of hoping it will pay of maybe this time, it could have, but the odds werent any wear near probable of coming out okay, I have no sympathy for that, sympathy for the human mistakes, but not for willing ignorance, if you made a bad judgement a bad bet at las vegas or something, and just listed all the dates all the times it seamed like maybe you would win money all the big money you threw around, then, of course, you lost it all, and went complaining you lost all your money, its going to be tough getting sympathy for that, how else could it really have ended really? bet your money on something safer next time

      1. essentially, you put all your eggs in one basket, all your money on one very unlikely to turn out well bet, and wonder why you lost your money, you can make crazy improbable bets if you want, but you cant turn around and whine about it later, life is about risk, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, in this case you made a crazy unlikely bet and lost, really not that surprising

      2. every time I said money, I meant it metaphorically , and anons should not be your therapist, maybe the fact you think so is a problem, go get a real one

      3. duh you have to go all in, but sometimes you have to pull out, the fact you have to try in relationships in general doesnt mean you should be willfully ignorant and be all in that long for a lost cause, be all in with someone who can be all in back

  18. Watching an old friend Love Zombie all his friends away right now.

    He got together with a pretty, nice, smart younger woman (he was late 30’s, she mid-20’s), but who clearly had co-dependent/substance abuse issues. Alarms went off left & right for me because so did he.

    He cleaned up his chronic stoner/slacker/partier act for her (got steady work, cut back on his partying to functional levels, paid the bills), & they moved in together. We were happy for him, & had high hopes, but you could watch the big clouds of Co-dependent Addiction Issues roll in within weeks. It turned into a CF.

    It ended with him hiding hard liquor behind the beer, a house you couldn’t see through the smoke, & her hooked on heavy duty pain killers she was stealing the rent money to buy for herself & her creepy puppet-master sister. She kicked finally him out (her place).

    This all lasted about 8 months, start to finish. It was sad, they’re both decent people at the core. But we thought he’d pick himself up & move on, since he’d really stepped up his game while they were together & seemed proud of it.

    Riiiight up until he started driving by her house daily, writing & performing tragic songs about her, haunting her on Facebook, asking everyone about her, sobbing constantly. Concocting horrific visions of her life & telling everyone about them. (“That guy has got to be her drug dealer! I saw his car there again! She’s sleeping with him! OMG, I love her!”)

    It’s been over 2 years now since they broke up. He continues to mourn her, despite the fact that she has married someone else & is now pregnant. OMG, he still loves her so much. They have been apart more than 3 times as long as they were together, total. He has completely trashed his own reputation obsessing over & talking about her to people. His best friend forbade him to ever speak her name again (at about the year mark), and they’re barely speaking any more.

    Here’s my question. Does this ever end? Will he ever let this go?! We have heavy-duty boundaries in place with this guy, and no interest in trying to fix him. He used to be a really great guy. What’s the best way for innocent bystanders to deal with Love Zombies? We were inches from cutting him off completely, but he finally started getting help. But he’s STILL obsessing! I will scream if he says “Denise” one more time. Ever.

    1. Electric Eel Libran

      You know what is messed up? You just reminded me of this….

      If a guy does L.Z. crap like that drive by someone’s house it is considered “romantic” by the general populace but if a woman does it she’s “psycho”. Either way it’s LZ crap.

  19. I have venus square neptune, but a uranian neptune, so hmm… I have the opposite problem, if I just went for it and tried I might be able to get someone, but refuse to budge unless I get some vibes, in fact it approaches emotional amputation at times, I have literally gone under the hood and tore out my attraction for certain girls before, in middle school it was 2 things, first I saw this kid embarrass himself, and the girl he was hitting on said loudly ARE YOU HITTING ON ME and started laughing at him with her friend, to be fair, he was being pretty lame trying to show off and wasnt that impressive a person to warrant any of it(I would have never made the same mistakes as him), but it traumatized me from afar, internally, I vowed that would NEVER happen to me, second I didnt like the power they would have over me, me being attracted to them gave them power, and I hated it, pretty girls at that age can be pretty messed up, I was the shy nice smart kid, so they would try to be nice to me, but it felt like they were trying to manipulate me, like they wanted me as some doting slave secretly in love with them, girls did do that, so there possibly false interest infuriated me, so now, unless I see some vibes, literally do not let myself develop feelings or too much attraction for anyone, and really really hot girls still make me feel all angry, so now I am kind of trapped, also why that girl in journalism is such a big deal, it wasnt just because she was hot, I wasnt having lame delusional feelings just because she was attractive, something else is going on, something real and explosive, any other girl if I went after I would second guess the whole thing, the only reason I would hypothetically go after them is because I am attracted to them, but do I measure up on the attraction scale, no not really, I am the wiry lean cerebral type, not everyone’s cup of tea, in a year or two it wont be an issue though, by then I will be a lot more muscular, but if I could get mystery dream girl then that wont really matter now will it, also, I should say I actively tear out inappropriate feelings all the time, so, I am not saying I am better than the LZ other people do, but am such a big one I have to do something about it all the time, if there is some pretty girl I see regularly, shes in the same club, in one of my small classes, etc I naturally have a lame crush, but pursuing it would feel silly, i think I am so extreme because I can feel myself develop lame unwarranted longings in these situations, while its happening I can clearly see how random and meaningless it is, but eventually, I can get rid of them and can have good conversations with them, but, then I cant go back, I cant push it in that direction or flirt a little bit or anything, unless I see them flirt with me or get some vibes I confiscate my own attraction and feelings from myself, its better than being the creepy guy who has a weird huge crush on them though I guess, I cant be having lame delusional crushes on every pretty girl I see now can I, how would I get anything done?

    1. David, from someone older and (may or may not be any wiser) with similar venus to uranus energy, spend the neurotic neutronic power elsewhere, somewhere that you are able to control. Like yourself or in study. The love dimension is well an arrested development. You can’t intellectualize it, unless you think the movie just end at the credits? And don’t think wanting or needing reciprocation for your attention or affection is delusional. It’s just the way it is.

      1. I didnt mean reciprocation of my affections, its I cant actually show affections and I actually get rid of them, I was just trying to show the way I operate, its more of a default setting now dont worry, its not wasting my energy and time, ill figure it out/it will sort itself out eventually, the way I see it is all the college classes get smaller as you major so then I will get to know people for sure, like spanish I got to know them and made a new friend because it was a small class, but for now, unless acted upon by some sort of intervention of events, I am trapped in an intellectual straight jacket that may or may not pay off in the end, if I didnt have this I would be delusional, is what I meant, in general its all good tho, maybe I didnt explain myself right

      2. Yeah, I think I get what you convey. Didn’t want to sound harsh or probing. Sometimes, I know I just type in riddles and prose. It’s that numeric algo brain of mine. hehe. Anyways, what I do see clearly is a repression of emotion, infatuation towards anyone attractive for fear of rejection or fear of the other’s darker intention. That’s the sure way to get to a delusional stone wall about someone that may actually like you, but too shy to admit it. Breaking the ice is fun, you get to make slush puppies 🙂

      3. thats exactly what I meant, it works up until the point there is someone who does like me but is too shy to show it or who would be willing to like me if I showed interest, I just literally dont know how to just, ya know, show interest, unless I really really liked someone then it wouldnt be problem, but if I just liked someone on a normal level I cant really do anything with that

      4. I theorize that you aren’t afraid or angry about attractive women. You’re afraid and angry about your own sexual power. It is so much failure as success that you’re keen to avoid. Because then…then opens raw vulnerability. And who can think through something like that? Signing off as Saint Virgo, Born-Again Virgin to emphasize I have the same problem myself.

      5. being in total control of myself is all I have known, for example(a really gross one sorry) whenever I throw up it always always takes hours and hours and hours, because every fiber of my being opposes it for as long as possible until finally I have no energy left and have to heave, in my mind I want to get it over with, but I cant give in within one cell of my body for any moment in time, im so stuck and focused on control I cant even begin to try something else so fully committed am I to not throwing up, metaphysically, I feel there is something grander I must give in to, but I am opposing it because that is all I know, and because it takes all of my being to oppose it, I have nothing left to even try giving in, im just prolonging something, but I dont know how else to be, this is literally what I am, what can possibly destroy me? when this me is logic and reason itself?

      6. like, I need to be destroyed in order to be the truer me, but it cant be an inside job, because any attempt on my part towards self destruction(of my modus operandi, nothing suicidal or self harm or wanting bad things to happen, destruction of an outdated form of thinking that is me that is holding me back) is in itself done by the very thing that needs to be destroyed, it gives itself away, it cant be something on the rational logical level, it has to just happen, I can make it happen, but not on the level of existence I am accustomed to, and I dont know what to do about it, I need to be destroyed, but my defenses are too good, what can possibly destroy me? what thing can possibly come forward and break me so I can be free from this thing?

      7. Truth, love or the perception of love is the great destroyer. And when it’s gone it still binds you to what could have been. Traumatic. Just like a car crash. The realization that is gone. That is fatalistic. But for positives, it’s sobering it shakes down your own false pretenses, and paper soapboxes you have created to insulate yourself. I suspect David, that you are very spiritually adept and think about it this way, to me a great display of power is when you are able to freely give away, a sign of humility.

      8. Love destroyed me. I hear diseases and sudden accidents can do it too. Or – the long road – years of meditation. I vote for love! Brutal as fuck, but that’s the kind of killing that gets the work done.

      9. mmm, well, all I can do is hope that turns up then I guess, as long as I am not running away from situations or avoiding things

      10. But, you see, you aren’t a you inside a you. You are you. Its so simple, it really does take destruction to make just that be enough.

      11. A year of yoga teacher training did it for me. It was like an internal spiritual rampage, something going through my head, kicking open all my Pandora’s boxes of demons & hopes. I needed a couple of years of therapy to sort it all out, but it was absolutely the yoga that did it. Yoga lets me chip away at it all constantly, and supports me while I do it. Best decision I ever made.

    2. David, please don’t worry about being the wiry lean cerebral type. Nothing wrong with it. It IS my type. Not all girls go for the muscular type. Personally I find it repulsive. When the right girl comes along she’ll like you completely, not just because you have a six-pack. That’s just shallow.

      1. And it’s good to discipline yourself not to get carried away. I agree wait for mutual chemistry and keep weeding out one sided attraction.

  20. electric eel libran

    born a love zombie and will always be one. I seriously think anyone who needs/wants/likes having a Muse has in built L.Z. tendencies.

    wow. i cant beat the LapisLee LZ story but I can say I have benefited in many ways going the way of LZness. It’s probaby because im a native LZ. My first love aka LZ experience saved my life. I fell for a guy who was an athlete but i wasn’t. In order to spend more time with him, i had to take up the sport. In doing so I lost 80 lbs and i improved my health. Its hard to believe but i started life out really overweight. i broke some amateur sporting records in my region as well. I also gained a new sport i enjoyed. Of course the bad parts were having my teenage heart shattered, getting a borderline eating disorder, and suffering stress-fractures so i guess it all evens out.

    Am i feeding my inner L.Z. right now? fuq no. I’m ony interested in making $ and promoting my biz, hence all the stupid holiday parties i have to attend. Normally, I avoid such stupidity. The probem with being born a L.Z. is that when you stop feeding it, other L.Z. start making a beeline for you. You can checkout anytime you like but you can’t ever leave apparently.

  21. Uranian&Plutonic Virgo

    Nah, no LZ here. I actually wrote down the original warning MM posted, in red ink, and propped it up by my new puter, well the dates anyway, and the ideal, but at any rate best avoid. Just being me, and when the Intended my Oma and three psychics told me materializes, we finallly meet when we meet; can’t do anything to hurry it up.

    I’m holing up with catching up Fringe eps online, and alternately bawling my eyes out missing my little girl spesh, who passed away in October, 5 days shy of her actual bday, since it’s nearing Christmas and am finding myself hideously jealous of people who are blessed to have their little girls around (of whatever species) in physical form in their lives.

    I know that she’s around as little ball of light, but FUQ I miss her around in her physical form. She gave me the opportunity to parent her the way I would’ve liked to have been parented, and while I was finishing my chakra course, the last healing session (as part of the course) I came with a MASSIVE realization that because of Biscuit I mothered here MUCH, MUCH better than my own mother (in the sense that she gave birth to me) mothered me. My healer/course teacher told me she had never used Serapis Bey during a session before, and she did with me, and how apt that she used it for me during our session, as a few days later it was the integration, the crown chakra, all the rainbow… Serapis Bey has number 5, and it is my fave number too. The effect is akin to Pluto’s, wipes the slate clean, as I really was spent, not just from my girl’s passing away, 2012 has been full of other challenges like nearly being homeless, work bullying, etc etc etc.

    I gave it my all (thanks to the Virgo sun- Scorp rising combo), being as conscious as possible, to love her immensely, to set boundaries while still loving her immensely, and not have any expectations as to how any of the dogs would grow up to be, as long as they were healthy and well-mannered.

    Six months before she passed away, I met this psychic (amazing turned out), and the dogs came through in the reading, and Mariana said that the dogs thanked me for allowing them to grow up to be who they were and not imposing my expectations on how they should’ve turned out…
    I nearly fell off the couch………TOTALLY did not expect to hear that….esp. since that *was* how I wanted to parent, they’re so different in personality anyway, and they also thanked me for supporting them equally and yet allowing tailored approaches.
    In hindsight, Mariana did say my puppy boy would live a long healthy life, but didn’t say anything about my puppy girl.
    When she passed away, she did so at home, surrounded by loving female energies.
    All the vets couldn’t believe how sick she was since she looked so healthy, and that with a liver that small she managed to live this long. I’d like to think it’s my Love that’s helped her along as I told her I loved her pretty much everyday. Still in shock, as we went to the vet on a Tuesday, and by Thursday she was gone……. I’m beyond grateful that she went quickly, as she didn’t suffer, but fuq me, how fast that was…

    Through her I learned to burst my own idealized parenting bubble, and went on with the real deal. She challenged my preconceptions and through her I’ve learned an immeasurable amount, for which I could never repay my baby girl….. Even when she was dying she kept teaching me, as I had this idea that I wanted to hold her in my arms, to provide comfort in her last hours but it wasn’t to be. Her body fought hard, it was hard watching her being confounded by her legs repeatedly giving way as she struggled to stand up or move. As a lot of dogs do, she went wolf in those last hours, started digging in a dark corner, away from the two of us. I sat down, and prepared to sit with her all night but small mercy, the laundry room was the final destination. She continued to dig the lino floor, picking corners, and I’d turned the light off, so it was dark.
    I just want my litle girl back for Christmas…………………………………….

    I’m still finding it hard because I feel that I could’ve and should’ve given her more, esp. in light of how much she gave me.
    I’m still finding it hard that when I go back to Europe she’s not coming with me and the boy in physical form…I feel iike I failed her, because I promised her that……

    So yeah, Fringe is good, and hopefully I can go do some groceries too, things to distract me from thinking that this is the first Christmas my little girl isn’t around. I’m thankful that I listened to my instincts about a month before she went, to record her playing, her sounds, her playful manners, giving my little boy the shits 🙂 she used to bug him so much. He still can’t sleep through the night by himself in the living room when I’m in the BR.

    “Courage doesn’t always roar; sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.”” – Mary Anne Radmacher – so I’ll try again.
    Good thing I have a lot of things to prep, what with the legal name change and learning about taxes for being self-employed and building the business to help occupy me.

    In 2012 I really have been living one of my mottos: “Forget lead into gold; I turn shit into platinum.”

    I had a dream where I was born from a diamond, NOW I get that dream: all the pressures, I was a piece of carbon that withstood all the pressure, and I’m the fuqing Diamond Phoenix. Rebirthing myself with a ritual as part of my name change, all prep for when Saturn conjuncts my rising and in the 1st house.

    1. Uranian&Plutonic Virgo

      Yeah, no LZ since I accepted months and months ago that a bestie of mine since yonks ago, even though he shares many of the ‘tells’ of the Intended my Oma and others have told me, it’s not him. (wow was it confusing for a time though…)
      Yesterday it became obviously3x clear that he wasn’t it. Thank you Uranus direct in my 5th and Venus-NN combo in my 1st!!! Hallefreakinlujah!!!

    2. Wow! I love this. And the diamond dream.. Just perfection. So sorry for your loss though. You sound like you are maximising your abilities through experience, that’s all any of us can do. Bless. I had Serapis Bey come through recently, interesting frequency he resonates at, very cool.

      1. Uranian&Plutonic Virgo

        Thanks Andy (is that ok? Lemme know if it’s not).
        It’s heartening to hear your take on it, as when one is in the middle of it all there’s no distance, you know? And I am trying my best, including kicking that low-virgo bitch that used to control me to the kerb. 🙂 She’s my servant now, not the other way around!
        Another very important lesson learned is that the sky didn’t fall down around me when a) I managed to eventually ask for help, and b) when I accepted it…very humbling……. And c) through the fuq-ass-challenging times I discovered (and some rediscovered) who my kindred spirits are, whether nearby or afar.

        And I’m gonna study Aura Soma early next year, fingers crossed. Now time to get the crunchy roast potatoes outta the oven. Nothing like catching up on Fringe online munching on roast spuds at 4am 🙂

      2. Andy is fine! It sounds like being a Virgo is hard work some days? My Mars in Virgo makes me kind of antsy I must say.

        Aura Soma! Wow, let me know if you like it?
        When I was a child I would get textas, take out the inner tube sticks, soak them in water in a jar and place rows of these intense coloured waters on my window sill.
        The sun would shine through them and I would just glory in the colours.

        When I first saw an Aura Soma stall I felt like someone had taken my obsession with coloured liquid in bottles to a whole new level! (My parents stopped buying textas btw)
        Good luck finding all your kindred spirits near & far.

  22. I think I am a LZ after reading MM’s description. I never caught on to it before. I just don’t sit around and wait. Yes, I feel like “he’s the one” but I don’t contact him, wait for him or chase him. I just sit and question myself.. “why are you feeling this way”… I justify it as being a phase of learning who I am and hopefully what I won’t do IF I find someone that I can enjoy like I do with the toro/gem. Otherwise, I am alone and enjoying my life. I honestly fell bad for him since he has NO idea how weak he looks to others. He’s a good guy but SO damaged and he can’t get out of it. I am going to TRY and lay low this w/e and see what drama he trie to pull. He is always testing me. Fortunately, I don’t react. I keep on stepping.

    xo!!

    1. Ok.. I guess I am definitely a LZ. I received an email about a get together that I think he would like. I want to send it to him to see if he wants to meet me. ugh! oh well.. gonna do it and expect rejection. LOL!!

  23. My LZiness tends to manifest in spending hours and sometimes days poring over astrological charts and working out composites, progressed synastry, synastry, midpoint contacts etc etc. No actual contact mind, just wasting WAY too much time on reading teh entrails over a relationship that literally doesn’t exist. Bah.

    1. damn, me too. also, oracle. tarot. it’s like crack. meanwhile in the REAL WORLD … *tumbleweed rolls by*. and they’ve got maybe a long-term partner and six other love interests. still, i feel like at least my LZ is contained to something less outburst-y in the real world.

  24. The Leo Socialite

    Love Zombie Low: Where to start? Trying to get this guy to go and see a psychic who i had BRIBED to say there was ME in his future. “There is a beautiful blonde woman in your life, you were together in the times of King Arthur.” Sponsoring a marmalute ( i think, it may have been a lizard) in our joint names. Telling a gossip columnist that we were an item when technically speaking, we actually were not. Ringing up and playing him a song to his voicemail. Trying to download an app that lets you zoom in closer on peoples fb pix.

    Lapis Lee – sorry dude, you hook up with young extremely vulnerable woman obviously looking for a father figure and want us to feel sorry for you? I would love to hear what your controlling Capricorn ex had to say about all this lol. I am not being judgemental about age gap relationships but mate, if they are born AFTER the year in which you lost your virginity, they are too young for you. It’s life, get over it. Nice name dropping though.

  25. Raché (Aqua/Tauri)

    No offense my man, but with her history and age what did you really expect to happen? Of course you can have feelings for someone and attempt to build a relationship, but when their past is that volatile and they are just coming into being an adult, it seems to me that this kind of outcome would be…inevitable?

    She was homeless and she wanted stability, so she got with you. I’m not saying at all that she did not have feelings for you, but they were likely mixed up in the desire for a better and more stable life in the first place.

    I don’t think you realize that in giving her all this stuff and “saving” her you assumed some sort of control, that OF COURSE it would be okay because HOW could she turn on you after you’ve done SO MUCH for her. She obviously was in the wrong for her actions, but as a 50 year old dating a just-became-legal girl, you had to have known that this kind of past and age difference was gonna result in some turbulence, right? It seems as if you both were buying into a fantasy instead of loving the other for what they were.

  26. Hi, I am sorry for your pain. However do you really feel it is kosher to put video up on the Internet of someone without their permission? Especially with all these names that that are possibly true names? And with this detailed submission re Tina’s mental health? I daresay you are hurt and angry but I would consider this a serious betrayal of someone you claimed to care about! Best wishes for peace, healing & love going forward.

  27. Holy…..

    I want to read the book. I have low attention often when it comes to blog comments – shorter wins. But I was hooked

    1. I hope everybody in your story is going to be okay, including you.

      There is so much suffering and I hope love and peace will help everyone’s hearts so they can stand on their own feet and help others, too.

      Peace to you, sir.

    2. Im getting more outraged by the minute! Please MM delete, delete, delete. These are people, peoples lives being broadcast here 🙁

  28. Raché (Aqua/Tauri)

    I’ve been 5150’d (involuntary psych hold) at a strip club after losing my shit on a phone call with an abusive ex. [Got led away to a police car with just a trench over my Agent Provocateur lingerie set; LOW POINT]

    I’ve impulsively gone on trips halfway across the world to meet with objects of rapid cycling infatution/frustration/infatuation.

    Most of the people I have been with are legitimate sociopaths and narcissists (“recovering” codependant and parents are narcissist and histronic personality, so these people are “normal” to me) — but so psychopathic that they are brilliant at covering it up at first.

    Now I don’t let other people affect me, and thus they can’t control me. Being manipulated and confused about it (“but they LOVE ME HOW COULD THEY DO THAT”) had been the lead-in to some of my worst LZ behavior. Mystic Medusa is like my therapy, forreal. Striving to be Saturn girl (in step with Saturn trine Venus, conjunct Pluto, and opposite moon & ascendant) and infuse sanity into all areas of my life. Hopefully these will remain my greatest hits and I don’t have anything new to top them.

    1. The Leo Socialite

      i can see it was stressful and sorry but i love the theatricality of being this beautiful woman in fabulous lingerie being angry in a strip club – where usually u have to be all nice you know, the men go there to get AWAY from ladies anger and being led away, quite glam, like a Steven Klein shoot? It would have made the cops night i imagine.

      1. Raché (Aqua/Tauri)

        Yeah, at the time…not funny at all. But in retrospect people love the story and I find it hilarious! & yes, it was totally a Stephen Klein shoot, I was even wearing my Grace Jones pilot hat. The cab driver who drove me back from the psych ward to the strip club definitely got a kick out of it, turns out he had been in the club just a couple weeks before and saw me.

        Actually now that I think about it the scene was very Chicago, angry semi-naked girl being pulled away against her will kicking and screaming… “IF YOU’DA BEEN THERE, IF YOU’DA SEEN IT, I BECHA YOU WOULDA DONE THE SAME… POP! CICERO! LIPSCHIZT!” lol

        Chicago: The Ultimate LZ movie?

    2. My ex is a toxic narcissist. By the end I couldn’t eat or work. We lived and worked together for almost 4 ears. It started out smashingly, then the verbal abuse started, then the physical stuff. Turns out he was a massive hard drug addict with a record and a secret life filled with women I’d never heard of. My father is a narc as well, as was his own father. I actually consider my ex to be a god-send because it forced me to deal with the abuse I experienced as a child.

  29. I really, REALLY don’t know where to begin.
    I will try to think of a new moniker and post my greatest hit from that, as i have friends and family who read this blog and they would be concerned for my welfare if they really knew. Honestly.
    Maybe us water signs are more susceptible to delusion!!!

  30. oh man, i’m a cap and my ex is cancer…i had a bad bad bad thing for years..he was fond of breaking stuff, space dust and couldn’t keep it in his pants….and i kind of tolerated it as long as we were together…he continued to contact me for months after we were through…i was a bit zombified. i quite like the zombie alerts for this reason. never ever ever will i even entertain that sort of thing. live and learn.

  31. i reckon it not just love zombie its anything u do that makes u zombie like eg- sugar zombie weed zombie as for love zombie when u have done all the hits to death and u an aging zombie then u have just learnt from really hard experience
    NEVER CHASE ANYONE what is yours will come to you
    The mark of a profound person is one that considers
    the consequences before they act
    with this current astro all that cap and scorp its time to empower
    the hero inside of us being a zombie of any kind is robbing you
    of being a happy, healthy spirit soul.

  32. I once lived for almost 4 years, in my teens, with a flatmate that I was in mad, unrequited love with. He was a libran, and so sociophobic he would turn his chair around to have a conversation with me with his back turned. After four years of this he once asked me to sleep in his bed, but I wasnt allowed to touch him. That was around when I moved out. At the culmination of all this he had a wierd freak out and it turned out that for 4 years he had a delusion that he was actually in a relationship with my fairly oblivious twin sister. I sent him a “get well soon” card, which was the last contact I had with him. I now realise that he was probably autistic, and definitely nuts.

  33. I lost my mind. but i didn’t break. aries men is my kryptonite; he did all the damaging. so now i’m here with nothing building from nothing. wish me luck!

    1. PerfectPisces, you are perfect.

      I am celebrating losing your mind with you with the above great 80s song.

      (“To cut a long story short, I lost my mind”. Coulda happened to anyone =) ) xx

  34. i dont know many TS songs, except that Never ever one thats on at the moment. I figure if they’re even talking about ex’s – that’s gotta be some level of zombie. defs not living in present.

  35. Heaps of songs are Love Zombie songs. Its a bit unfair if you love the melody but don’t want to sing pathetic loser lyrics.

    Some of these are old but they still play them in supermarkets. one that pops to mind is a Taylor Dane song :

    ” Love will bring you back to my arms. Where you belong I’m sure! Sure as stars are shining , one day you will find me again… One of these days our love will bring you back”

    Taylor, NO! Just step away from the microphone…

    1. Aw,that’s a bit harsh…which of us doesn’t occasionally get moved by a soppy lyric…the triumph of hope over experience. 🙂

  36. My sister, who has an 11 year old and a 9 year old from a serially unfaithful Gem/Cancerian. She is 45. He is a 45 year old salesman, and on a 100,000 pounds a year salary, plus benefits. He refuses to pay her anything for the boys, apart from 80 pounds a month, which he said is more than the standard she would get from Child Benefit agency (it’s not).

    Sometimes he pays it, sometimes he doesn’t. She shouted at him once in the school carpark, because he brought along the 21 year old secretary that he’d been having an affair with, and introduced her to his sons and the school at a footie match. She felt humiliated.

    He simply did not pay anything on the due by date the next month, not telling her and not responding to her messages. When he finally did respond, he said she had humiliated him and therefore she didn’t deserve payment. He would pay for their sons when he was ready.

    He has said he wants both her, and his 21 year old girlfriend (the secretary). My sis, in the meanwhile, has moved out of the shared house which is both their names. This was in April. He tried to sell it, got a buyer, she blocked it. He moved in his 24 year old daughter from a previous wife (he has yet another daughter who has a child with a bloke in prison for GBH and drug trafficking). My sister still has all of her belongings there. He texts their sons, saying he doesn’t want their mother to have another Daddy. The boys are saying she is the one stopping them moving back into the house and having a proper family.

    Meantime, she.. blocks, loves him, thinks he will come back.. tra de la.. waits for another Prince Charming who will Save Her. Meantime, my 73 and 78 year old parents are getting into their savings and having to live with 2 rambunctious boys and my sister in a very small house. My sister, who has not worked since she Got Her Man, (prime directive of a female heterosexual?), but is having to work now. She refuses to move back into the house, refuses to see a solicitor, refuses to talk about it and acts like a total victim.

    Dad says she’s waiting for her Prince Charming. I say – yep. Dad, that’s a Fairy Tale.

    Guess what girls? No-one is going to save you, you have to do it all by your lonesome with a little help from friends and family.

    I ..HOPE this serves as some sort of a tale for those women in their early 20s/30s. Get a career. Get your friends. Don’t be belittled. No-one is coming along on a white charger to save you. Save yourself. Save the only life you can save.

    1. Word.

      So feeling this right now. Well, actually only the last part (early 20s/30s girl here…. Meaning mid 20s, haha).

      As for Prince Charming… Pretty sure he was meant to save the Damsel from the evil spell…… Not BE the evil spell.

      1. I thought so too. Women are a varied bunch, as are men. Some PEOPLE like working, some don’t. Some people have notions they seek to fulfil in human form while others meet people. We’re not all fqing dinosaurs in the hetero world. Not all such straight cut slices to label ‘hetero’ either.

    2. Electric Eel Libran

      And yet there is the flip side of the fairytale.
      ….

      .

      I was always told the same thing by my mother and father…get a degree…get a good job…be self sufficient. No man is going to save you. You don’t need anyone.

      So i did all those things.

      and guess what my reward was?

      No one to share my life with.
      Alone.
      in my 40’s.
      eggs drying up and no children.
      I have friends, but my friends are drying up as well.
      Many have gotten married and have kids and have consequently dumped me as a friend because I don’t fit their lifestyle anymore. I have to keep making younger and younger friends who I have less and less in common with generationally.

      yeah all the good money and career did for me now did it?
      I guess at least I’m not starving;i have a roof over my head; an no STDs. So it was good for something I supose. But i wonder am i really any better off?

      Being self-sufficent has its own problems.

      1. It’s give and take. I know a lot of women with the balance right. I’m still working on getting the balance right. 2013 resolution… just need someone to practice with 😉

    3. Well said. I see so many women putting their life on hold waiting for a man to come along. Don’t wait. Do everything you want to do in life. Get out there and be your own hero.

  37. I guess I’m currently in one. It’s actually a friend I’ve known for about 5 years now. Have had a thing for this friend since day one, but always seems to be in another relationship. Like, if there ever is a chance, someone else always pops in before me and snatches this love away from me. Thing is, he doesn’t know. And I’m not good at confessions. Especially not since the girl he’s with now is getting serious, I guess. I’m done waiting though. Time to move on.

    Am I still a Love Zombie though? Guess we’ll see how the next few days go. Let’s hope I can cease communication so my heart doesn’t break anymore.

    1. Give it that one, clear, sweet shot and then you’ll know one way or the other. Good luck, and if it doesn’t work out, at least you’ve been tough and cool. x

  38. Electric Eel Libran

    what a weekend for LZ stuff! nooooooo. There are too many parties I have to attend. 🙁 I’m going to buy a ring to wear on my ring finger so I can look taken so I don’t have to put up with idiots.

      1. electric eel libran

        the ring just stops public displays from the stupidest. It won’t stop idiots from secretly trying out of the public eye.

      1. electric eel libran

        depends on what you are planning to pick up. As far as i checked Garbage pickup day is on Tuesday. 🙂

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