All The Vanadiums

After the most recent post featuring Vanadium Lightyear, I realized that some of you haven’t encountered her and the weird yet somehow familiar world she resides in.

She lives in a future metropolis that’s not post-apocalyptic but rather,a post-particle-collider glitch. Nobody knows precisely what happened or if they do they’re locked up in multi-dimensional non-disclosure agreements.

The citizens occasionally rouse themselves to make enquiries but are generally too busy navigating a world with activated dark matter, normalized extra-terrestial espionage, random interstellar portals and paranormal activity on the airwaves. eg: Space Dust shamans and The Real Housewives of Hades.

Born into a critical minerals crisis, Vanadium was named after the one her mother – a govt-registered Qi Vampire – most coveted at the time. At the time we meet her, she has just become a client of the highly suss yet alluring Neptunian Life Coaching company.

She technically can’t afford the coaching but as her personal coach, the hypnotically charming Lachesis, explained “we think money itself is evolving into a new sub-atomic particle. So your consciousness gains will soon be able to generate it directly.”

And besides being frequently over the top, it seems to work. These are the Vanadium Lightyear posts to date and yes, I realize I’ve never put them in one place before.

Vanadium Lightyear’s Mercury Retrograde

The experimental Love Zombie vaccine from Neptunian Life Coaching had worked so well that Vanadium was now incapable of dating. She also realizes that the Past Life Regression module was in fact integrated with everyday life.

Vanadium Lightyear’s Existential Crisis

Amongst other things, Vanadium frets about her natal Jupiter’s tendency to amplify everything, her sketchy job searching for space junk that could be turned into ‘space relics’  and Yonic Rejuvenation.

Deflecting Karma Drama

Vanadium is searching for a new job while her douchecore ex becomes enormously successful with his Deflecting Karma Drama course/television show. How humiliating would it be to ask him for the $ he owes her?

The Real Housewives of Hades

Vanadium’s Mercury Retrograde nightmare turned out to be true. The Real Housewives of Hades first took over the airwaves in Onyxville, one of the most geomagnetically active suburbs on the planet. It was also her birthplace.

Vanadium’s Mars in 4th House Problem

Forever feeling turbulent at home, Vanadium wondered if her Mars in the 4th were to blame. Then Neptunian Life Coaching sent an incredible, clearly metaphysically gifted cleaner. That she was also an intergalactic spy? No probs.

Vanadium’s Move Into Politics

In what feels like a new low, Vanadium has moved back in with her mother – who has just discovered she has Space Dust Shaman ancestry – and is hitting the Lilac Wine. But then she receives an offer to join the Heliocentrics party.

8 thoughts on “All The Vanadiums”

  1. I can literally hear how Vanadium’s post particle collider world sounds. I’m imagining it as a glitched out fever dream of Rio De Janeiro traffic jam, crossed with satellite comms, interwoven with a half remembered dream conversation, top notes of intuitive inner voice, the occasional blast of something unexpected like an Istanbul Market alley, the sound of a high energy Winnipeg snowstorm, a gentle ukelele strumming from a beach in Tonga.

  2. Such a delight to read the new Vanadium installment the other day, and now to have these gathered here. Just (re)read a few and they remain so witty, vivid, and on point. The travails of the striving space archelogist!

  3. Mystic’s brilliant creative writing….exactly why i have followed her from the Australian Magazine circa 2000 was it?
    Stunningly futuristic!
    Reminds me my long awaited ‘Dune 11’ DVD arrived yesterday…..2 & half hours of epic science fiction cinematography.
    Now if Vanadium’s life & adventures could be a movie?
    Baz are you there?

    1. Serendipitous Synchronicity

      Astro Gaga is a favourite category on Mystic’s website and Vanadium Lightyear is the highlight of Astro Gaga 🌟

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