The Real Housewives Of Hades

In the early 21st Century, disincarnate It Women started to haunt the airwaves. Nobody could pinpoint the exact moment it began, but it would have been on a significant New Moon or planetary alignment. Like their uni-dimensional counterparts, these ladies loved their astrologers and psychic advice. Nor was it clear how they got through.

At first, it was all rumor and anecdote: a beauty therapist from Onyxville claimed she heard cackling coming from her dishwasher. Then that dissolved into what sounded like a raucous, drunken conversation among females.  A neighbor reported that their smart speakers transmitted similar sound effects, specifically a drawn-out, cynical-sounding “nooooooooo” whenever her then-boyfriend entered the bedroom.

But it wasn’t only a local phenom. In Kairos, several counties over, a retired astronaut said there were female faces on his television screen, women with concept eyeshadow and blow-dried hair, disco mist swirling around them. His theory was that they were trying to transmit a message to him. Shortly afterward, however, he was hospitalized due to a mental illness contracted while in space. Doctors said that the televisual hallucinations could have been an undocumented side-effect of this mysterious mind virus.

Concept Eyeshadow & Televisual Hallucinations

But the reports of disembodied female laughter, conversation, and visual phenomena became more frequent. Several of the communications suggested that the entities were making a direct commentary on someone’s style or sex choices, alarming people who feared that the appliance manufacturer was spying on them or that it was a marketing ploy. Within the year, these manifestations had become mainstream. Fact checkers for the Internet Of Things were forced to say (a) that they did not exist and (b) not to follow their advice.

Yet soon everyone was talking about the Real Housewives of Hades; they either had the haunting or knew someone who was affected. Some were scared. They risked injury – mostly to their fingernails –  by opening up appliances and trying to remove smart-chips or Zigbee transmitters. Others eschewed wireless internet altogether, inflating a massive and unexpected bubble in dumb appliances.

But others felt drawn to the ‘ghosts’ and formed odd relationships with them. Referring to the voices and/or images as their “wives,” they revered their guidance. Any household appliance or device that was networked could potentially be an Oracle. They idealized it as the ultimate decentralized spirituality: A coven at your fingertips, touch control channels – any dimension.

“Female Spirits Can’t Just Float In On Moonbeams”

Finally, the authorities stepped in to investigate. Or rather, reassure the public and advertisers.  “Literally trillions of dollars have been spent on these technologies,” said the government’s Telemetry Minister, speaking to an audience of millions. “It’s highly sophisticated. Female spirits or whatever they are can’t just float in on moonbeams and hijack our frequencies. It’s probably an artificial intelligence anomaly.” He went on to suggest that anyone removing themselves from the network could face criminal charges. It was important that they continued to receive authorized information and advertiser’s purchasing guidance. However, people persisting in “religious type rituals” around The Wives would be tested for the mind virus.

Of course, this move by the government enraged everyone. Those who feared The Wives now assumed they were a government conspiracy. Right To Repair advocates resented the dictate that they were not to touch things they owned. The people who loved The Wives were furious and feared a high-tech witch-hunt. But this predictable (to everyone but the pompous Minister for Telemetry) outrage was not the only outcome.

Previously confined to domestic surroundings, the Wives accessed the entire network, breaching firewalls and privacy settings in a massive attack. With barely any outward sign aside from a strange scent,* they were suddenly within every wifi sensor, streetlight, and public address network. Couples who were driving with the assistance of the satellite navigation vocals described a transmission interrupted by an acid-tongued, rat-a-tat commentary: “He’s rolling his eyes again; still find it hot?” “The right direction? The only right direction here is separate ways, honey…

Some Blamed Space Weather, Others The Road Tunnel Beneath Stonehenge

It occurred exactly 11 days, 11 hours, and 11 minutes after the widely televised announcement, affirming the irrational belief that this was a supernatural phenom. It was also an evening of bizarre space weather and high magnetic flux, both of which were blamed by the government. Astrological adepts pointed to Uranus newly into Gemini, and geomancers cited the road tunnel recently built beneath Stonehenge.

The manifestations leaped from rumor and conjecture to being all-pervasive.  For example, anyone waiting for a train was regaled with a surreal stream of consciousness. Conveyed in confidential, confessional tones, like high-end gossip, it jumped all over the place – sometimes poignant, often lewd, and with input from multiple voices.

“…Colloidal silver for your Moon chakra….A-Lister Lawsuit against a cult nobody’s heard of yet…It’s related to Evening Primrose, no – not Morning Primrose – it helps you lubricate from within…her agent fired her over it; Space Dust and social media don’t mix…The Soviet sex-hypnosis program that makes them incredible in bed…

“…He only married him for the sandalwood plantation…Lasers count as Fire element in Feng Shui…One of the most expensive pieces of real estate on the planet poisoned by the groundwater – it’s cursed....Avalon… are you talking about the club or the dimension hun?…Florentine diamond…”

They were suddenly on every frequency and everyone was tuned in.

While the military had far superior signal jammers, even they reported intermittent occurrences. In one well-documented case,  the radio operator on a destroyer was alarmed to hear a sound described as like “the internet connecting in the Nineties” and then the words “when is the cute one back on duty?” He summoned his commander: “Ma’am, I think they can see us.”

At that point, Deflecting Karma Drama was still considered a niche show, and barely anyone had read the renegade astro-physicists. Why, you may ask did it begin in Onyxville? Well, as any of the housewives would concur, Onyxville is one of the most geomagnetically erratic suburbs on the planet.

To Be Continued.

*The scent has never been identified but is most commonly described as smelling like ‘roses and phosphorous.’

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Deacon Millett

Love this!




A novel yes, or even better, a screenplay for a ghostbusters sequel that I would want to watch. Busting ghosts in big tech would be hilarious, what with the gargantuan egos of tech innovators (stay puff’d indeed) and the rampant paranoia of hackers faced with inexplicable and unhackable entities/unresponsive ‘nodes’ in their networks. Love you mystic, I needed a good chuckle.


Love this post and the posts you write in this genre always always.


The writing in this is just *supernovae*


O O OM Mystic, your semi-holiday has you back in the magic of your imagination. Totally brilliant.




Genius. Mystic, are you secretly one of these otherworldly voices come to guide us? 😉
I need this book … it’s sounding like some inspired lovechild of Harry Potter and Germaine Greer … I cannot wait for the chapter on the rise of the RealDolls!

Crystalised Future

No idea what this it actually about but if it is a story about voices coming out of those google box thingies, I’d read and heard about them and during an American episode of Gogglebox (a TV show filming people’s reaction to watching TV shows), the google box thingy emitted a spooky laugh in the background whilst the couple were watching TV. The wife looked shocked, shivered and muttered ‘we need to turn that thing off, it freaks me out when it does that’. I wouldn’t be able to have one in the house!!!


Genius and zeitgeist as always MM.

Mystic Rosr

Fantastic writing. This piece was hilarious! You’re a gifted writer. Can’t wait for the whole book.


Don’t ever stop….


Brubeck’s take five follows me everywhere.


Play the B-side.


Also I saw an article recently about 3D printing our own makeup. If that isn’t Uranus in Taurus. Hello. Also: save squillions on shipping


“…*crackle*… When is the cute one back on duty?..”

Indeed, mystic. xxoo

Sweet Sanity

I’ll have what she’s having




Mystic! I reiterate every voice calling out for this to be a novel! So apt and so well executed with your trademark wit and inventiveness. And it so resonates with the now. Adore!


A series of vignettes perhaps.


{{Graphic novel}}


Has anybody read The Power by Naomi Alderton? It’s been described as The Handmaid’s Tale for The Gone Girl generation.
The woman in The Power are definitely related to MM’s Hadean Housewives.


Yes!!! I was thinking the exact same thing. It’s like The Power meets Wanda World with Mystic’s personal astro-sassy twist. Loved the book BTW.


Whoops. I meant Wanda Vision not Wanda World.

Wish Upon a Star

It’s Alderton. No I haven’t read it but after reading the description I want to.

Sounds very compelling. Excellent reviews too.

Thanks for the recommendation GreenWitch.




Just wanted to pass on the thanks for the Power rec—I started it the day before yesterday and it’s been absolutely the perfect thing to read.


a great read that resembles an experience similar to mine; several times throughout my life, Vivaldi’s “4 Seasons” will play through an electrical device in my house- the most memorable time being at a 3am nursing of my daughter, all was quiet & then the song came from the game machine on top of the tv set.


bloody hell!


Used to hear the song ‘Lola’ coming through the walls at various places i visited eons ago.


beautiful. I could keep reading that all night.


Love it!!! 😀


Oh hell yes.


Caught up in it as I was to Stranger in a Strange Land among others. When is the book release?


This is suuuuch good writing, wish you had time to write the whole novel. Also giving me similar vibes in a way to Archive 81 which I am almost through watching!


This was a bonkers read. Incidentally I got the Phosphorus Alchemy Tarot card afterward.


Best thing you’ve ever written. WE NEED THE BOOK SERIES and then the TV SHOW!!!


And chipless membership cards

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