Vanadium’s Mars In 4th House Problem

Vanadium Lightyear sometimes wondered if her at-home restlessness was a Mars in 4th house problem. She’d been raised by a Qi Vampire, leaving her with excellent self-reliance skills. But the residual ‘something’s wrong’ guilt persisted.

Weirdly, her new cleaner Onyx – sent by Neptunian Life Coaching Services – was helping. She’d lost that constant feeling of having forgotten something urgent. But she was also wondering if Onyx was from another planet.

Like most people, she’d long stopped taking government cautions seriously; you never knew which corporation was funding what politician. So she ignored the government warnings about possible intergalactic spies blending in with citizens as probably a marketing ploy. And even if the alleged eight percent of the population were from another planet, so what?

In the 20th Century and even the earlier parts of the 21st Century, the popular culture believed aliens would come looking like lizards, green men, or sleek angelic-looking ‘greys.’  These looked like humans or Space Dust Shamans.

Her Cleaner Could Be An Intergalactic Spy? Cool.

So the suspicion that her new cleaner was an intergalactic spy did not bug Vanadium as it might have done had she been born before 2057.  For a start, Onyx was an incredible cleaner. The first time Vanadium had returned to her apartment post-clean, she was convinced something supernatural had occurred. Her Mars in 4th house sensibility had never been more thrilled.

Every inch of the place gleamed with extreme cleanliness. Vanadium could now hear the Schumann Resonance. Onyx had removed dust and dead Qi particles. She had emptied the rubbish and contacted the council to order new bins.

The towel rack had been repaired and the air ionized. Onyx had done all the dishes and aligned the bed to Vanadium’s proper Feng Shui direction. She’d placed an Amethyst with Sea Salt in the DNA spiral shape in the middle of the vortex at the back of the apartment and sandblasted the balcony.

There was a small bowl of blue Spirulina pesto in the fridge with a card next to it that read, “there is a micronutrient in here, not officially discovered yet, that you need.”

And there was also a humming globe in the bathroom. Onyx asked if it was okay to leave it there to “harmonize the elements.”

The Machine Was Tiny – A Dark Matter Generator

That was, of course, Vanadium’s first clue that her cleaner could be an intergalactic spy, but by this point, Onyx could have asked if she could stage a full-scale alien invasion from the living room, and it would have been fine.

She lived in the Virgo Rising version of squalor since Ronaldo had left. Today was the first time her house had felt not just like home but like a temple, an immaculate sacred-energy humming temple.

The machine was tiny, a Dark Matter generator, Vanadium supposed.

Yes, fine. Onyx, are you from around here?”  Onyx looked meta-human, albeit a very muscular one. Vanadium eyed her quadriceps. They had what looked like rusty brown crop circles on them. Henna tattoos? Iodine? The soil had gotten so depleted that painting iodine or magnesium directly onto the skin had become far more than just a wellness fashion statement.

Transylvania,” smiled Onyx.

Ah yes, vampires, ancient castles, Vlad the evil one, how marvelous,” gushed Vanadium, reminding herself hideously of her mother.

Her Radio-Frequency Deflecting Helmet Protected Her Psychic Powers

Not there. The Asteroid Transylvania. Although it’s more of a minor planet, bigger than you think, I have to go. I will be back the day before the next New Moon. There is a ghost in your bedroom.”

And with that, Onyx left, leaving a whiff of ozone scent in her wake.

Vanadium reflected, and not for the first time, that she was willing to overlook people’s defects if they were good at something. She blamed her Moon in Aquarius. Or was it a Mars in 4th House thing? Maybe she could not feel settled in a home; that was just her persona?

Onyx being possibly an intergalactic spy, seemed irrelevant in the wake of her having energetically resurrected Vanadium’s apartment. Vanadium could always rely on her gut instinct. Or could she? She put on the Radio-Frequency deflecting helmet that Neptunian Life Coaching Services had sent her to help protect her psychic powers and set off on a long walk to think it all through.

Image: Chris Nicholls

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Totaly absolutley fuqing brilliant Myst. ‘So clean she could hear the Schumann resonace’ and ‘Blue spiralina pesto’ just blew my mind. Laughing is such a good way to start the Tuesday after Easter.
You so rock around the world and intergalactic space as well!


My 4th house Mars conjunct Saturn in cancer no less, would like to know where to get in touch with Onyx for a small job.


How do I book Onyx? Asking for a friend with virgo and 4th house.. issues.


This is amazing! So engaging and fun. Definitely struck a cord with this Mars in 4th/ Virgo Rising. My apartment often feels like the enemy.

dark star

V is the best <3 and I could read
her space adventuress inner monologues all day.

Mars in any spot natally as a restless leg syndrome is an interesting thought. My 7 h mars concurs.


VL is my muse!




Aqua asc Virgo Venus and Jupiter here…would you mind passing along Onyx’s contact info? Thanks kindly.


Surprise! I just did a quick chart and realized Mars is transiting my 4th. I rarely pay any mind to him.


This has actually seriously whetted my appetite to spring clean this weekend.

Drowning Capricorn

Mystic, you are at your very best writing the Vanadium Lightyear chronicles. Can’t imagine where you’d find the time, but I am developing an appetite for a longer form version of Vanadium’s story. A novel? An HBO adaptation? Cheers!


I feel like a Jetsons-inspired comic book would be the best representation. I’d buy every issue!


My moon mars in cancer 4th feels very like this. Can’t settle anywhere, home but never home and a toxic mother of course. Hilarious. I want onyx at my place. Maybe she could get my house to sell. This is a great beginning to graphic grownup comic strip or filling her out into a novel. I’d love to read her story.

Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot

Onyx…a descendant of Marie Kondo


I once had a dream where I watched an intergalactic invasion of earth and two types of spacecraft were fighting over earth, one friendly, protective and supportive, the other directly from the evil depths of Hell itself. The Earth shook with the bombing and we had to lie on the ground because of the terrifying tremors and explosions, looking up into the sky bearing witness to untold horrors and impossible technological weaponry. People were panicking and planning to hide in houses, caves, other places but I realised it was a futile hope. Thankfully the good guys won and the bad guys were vaporised in an instant but we had seen too much and would be traumatised forever with our knowledge. The good guys then played the Schumann Resonance, wiping mankind’s memories and repairing the Earth’s damage, but I was humming along to the unheard earthly song and remembered everything for a moment and an alien voice whispered in my third eye that I should submit to forgetting as well. I knew I should and often wondered if this dream was a remanent of the actual event as it seemed too lucid to be just a dream. I woke up feeling protected by the good guys.

rusty faerie

you should write fkn books gorgeous




I can see these becoming a book


I can see a graphic novel


I love this storyline MM! I want to see VL’s birth chart. I think she has Venus in Aries….<3


Speaking of Qi vampires Stephen Fry was very rude to me in a dream once and it took me a year to get over it


Totally thought of this faraday cap when you mentioned the radio frequency deflecting helmet. YMMV needs to be grounded.

Mystic, I recall you were working on reducing EMF and ELF. If you just wanted to stop a keycard or keyfob from working I’d suggest lining a bag with some thick tinfoil. Does not work for your head according to some sources you’d need to provide a grounding path. I also remember some kind of shielding you could get for windows. However, it would also block cellphone signals. Even the heat shield/silver privacy film I put up recently reduces outside signals and is said to reduce power needs by 15% since less heat gets in. Been a lot cooler in the rooms I used it in but PITA to put up.

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