So you turn up on time for your appointment at Neptunian Life Coaching Services, a list of goals in hand.
The place reeks of tuberose, the books on the shelves are all in Modern Sanskrit, and the only one you can read is titled Shedding The Dead – Part 888.
The globe on the right is of a different planet altogether. That chick on the left is your geography teacher from when you were 15 – only now she’s the age you were then. The one in the middle just said she represents your un-lived dreams. Worse, the place is infested with scarab beetles. The bear’s spirit from the rug is trying to talk to you about fish in cool rivers and ambition.
Fuq this. Never again are you hiring Neptunian Life Coaching Services.
But wait…what’s that song? It’s so evocative. Are you drunk/high, or is this a dream?
The Neptunian Life Coach on the far right says that if you look in the mirror above the fireplace, you will see your eternal soul and all of your soulmates. But there is a slight risk – Neptunian Technology being unpredictable – that you could become trapped in the mirror…forever.
So the middle one says her name is Lachesis, and they all giggle. What kind of a surname is ‘Fate’ anyway? Then they ask if you would like to see your banking records from when you were attempting to be an actress during the Restoration period.
The Neptunian Life Coaches think you will find it both hilarious and relevant to The Now.