Neptunian Life Coaching Services

So you turn up on time for your appointment at Neptunian Life Coaching Services, a list of goals in hand.

The place reeks of tuberose, the books on the shelves are all in Modern Sanskrit, and the only one you can read is titled Shedding The Dead – Part 888.

The globe on the right is of a different planet altogether. That chick on the left is your geography teacher from when you were 15 – only now she’s the age you were then. The one in the middle just said she represents your un-lived dreams. Worse, the place is infested with scarab beetles. The bear’s spirit from the rug is trying to talk to you about fish in cool rivers and ambition.

Fuq this. Never again are you hiring Neptunian Life Coaching Services.

But wait…what’s that song? It’s so evocative. Are you drunk/high, or is this a dream?

The Neptunian Life Coach on the far right says that if you look in the mirror above the fireplace, you will see your eternal soul and all of your soulmates. But there is a slight risk – Neptunian Technology being unpredictable – that you could become trapped in the mirror…forever.

So the middle one says her name is Lachesis, and they all giggle. What kind of a surname is ‘Fate’ anyway? Then they ask if you would like to see your banking records from when you were attempting to be an actress during the Restoration period.

The Neptunian Life Coaches think you will find it both hilarious and relevant to The Now.

Image: Mikael Jansson  – Numero Magazine

84 thoughts on “Neptunian Life Coaching Services”

  1. 12th house virgo

    “…there is a slight risk – Neptunian Technology being what it is – that you could just become trapped in the mirror forever.”

    Gah! How have I NOT seen the post before! Brillant!

  2. Thanks Pegasus, you just made a huge difference.
    … unresolved huh… yep, that’s it.
    That’s IT.
    Bless ya XXX

    I doubt it’ll be resolved in this lifetime. But hey, that’s often the way of things. What can you do.
    We’re on good terms, but oh! how we miss the conversations …

  3. Baristagem very detailed and vivid. Was it an OBE do you think ?
    I think in sleep sometimes there is contact, although I can’t say I have actual OBE occuring, but the more vivid and real my dream, the more sure I am it was psychic or some sort of contact.

    1. Eek!

      I didn’t think it was obe… But I do generally have very detailed dreams & I have been through 5 dream journal (small fat notebooks) in last 12 months, some dreams take up 3 pages of details! 😯

      1. I have been all over this Neptune post like hair on ape, my apologies, folks. I just identify with it the most. I have recently been dreaming again, and thanks everyone, you’ve inspired me to resume my own dream journals.
        On the drive into work this am, I was remembering all the posts here and the pic Mystic chose reminds me of the 3 of Cups girls; bartenders, aka Neptune. Really great post, Mystic, I have really love all the banter, and have enjoyed learning from all the peeps here.

  4. I have had interesting dreams over the weekend… 😯

    Saturday: I was laying in bed & looking at two pictures on the wall. They were both of trains. One picture was just that, a picture & the other picture was something more. I could see what happened before the picture was taken. One thing I noticed was that there were two train drivers & I thought to myself that i hadn’t seen that before.

    I watched the two train drivers walk up & down the tracks pulling away rocks that had built up next to the tracks & were threatening derailment of the train.After they kicked away the rocks they boarded the train & that is when the picture was taken.

    Last Night: I was a teenager hanging out with all my teenage friends & we were going on a school camp. After some time I found myself standing on vacant land behind a house I once lived at. I watched one of my friends running from her house crying & then another friend running from her house & another guy running from his house all towards me.
    I stood there while they all cried & told me that they weren’t allowed to do the things they wanted because of their parents. We all sat down to talk & they laughed because i didn’t have these problems being an orphan. I said to them maybe thats why you came to me because I am your reminder to cherish your parents because once they’re gone, thats it. They all nodded & one of the girls said I remember you in high school saying how much you disliked grief & how it was to deal with. I nodded & said grief was hard to deal with. 😯

    Btw: I never spoke about my grief in high school… 😯

    1. Yes, this second dream sounds like your higher self being in contact with the higher self of your old friends!! Sort of like what Saturnrox said below.

      Maybe your are reminded that you have great freedom in the midst of your grief?
      It is an amazing thing to be able to see the world afresh without your parent’s energetic interference (said by someone who has Merc, Venus, Sat. in Cancer 80 ) and trying so hard to live up/down to their standards… 😉

  5. Andromeda, wow! Cool dream- great that you landed right side up and kept going !
    I used to have a recurring dream of driving a hill which turned to a mountain which kept getting steeper until I was completely vertical
    s l o w l y climbing, eyeballs peeled and white-knuckled wondering if I would go over backwards ! Then I would wake up to face the day.
    sheesh !

    1. That’s super Saturnian SRox! Very Sisyphis goes absailing or something.. Wow. In my dream I actually remembered to tell myself – it’s only a dream because I was so nauseous with fear at one point! Urrgh… What was so sheer hard work in your life at that time?

      1. Laughing because I didn’t even think of that plodding mt. goat thing, hilarious ! Thanks for pointing that out ~ Sisyphis, indeed !
        I remember wondering at the time I was having it why I was always driving and not ever walking or climbing or biking, even. Every time I woke I would think, ‘well, maybe next time’.
        Sheer hard work at that time was omg, everything. Relationship chaos, sleep deprivation, mental hellth in the spins, chronic stress-related stomach problems. Funny, as I write this, I am remembering in most of the dreams I was alone, but in the end I had company and I think we crested. wow. Glad I remembered that. thx x

    2. I have been having a similar dream lately. Every couple of weeks. I’m driving around Darling Harbour & there’s a whole network of insane freeways & I’m driving up one & it is practically vertical & I have to hold the steering wheel as tight as possible to control the car & I’m mentally willing the car to not roll back to keep going forward & make it to the top & over & then the car is flying due to my mental will & we make it down to the road again. Exhausting!

  6. When my children were children and I was going through a lot of mega-stress & angst, quite black years they were, I would dream my teeth all fell out. A friend said it meant I felt I couldn’t hang on to anything – she meant emotionally, etc… and later, I would dream of driving off cliffs & high places, or falling off while walking along … I don’t have bad dreams like that now, I haven’t for some years. But I’ve taken control of my own life, and am living for my self, and I feel that has a lot to do with it. Paid a high price up front for my selfhood though. Way high. Different life now though.
    Still dreaming of my Leo-ex, however. Nearly every bluddy night. Hardly anyone else ever in my dreams, just me & him, & strangers, & sometimes my kids … who are grown, but in my dreams they’re still kids.
    Maybe I’m still making payments…

    1. ScorpyLizzy, my dreams are full of the same peeps weekly,
      nightly. Some dead, but many alive & used to wonder why?
      Did i need to contact them? Them me? What was the message?
      Over the years & years of this, have figured it’s what hasn’t
      been said to those peeps i dream about, unresolved stuff, that
      may never be resolved & i’v learned to accept it, but not easy
      as nothing to be gained from approaching them & trying to
      find out the ‘why’.
      ‘Life’s a great Teacher, but her account is high’ 🙂

  7. Also dreamt I was driving a family car with an inveterate traveling friend of mine. I accelerated too strongly up a crest in the road and the car soared off into the air miles up. We waited breathlessly for the car too fall. Then my friend sobbed angrily that he could not be a paraplegic or something he’d go mad. I apologized and screwed my eyes shut. Finally the car landed on a road right side up, so I kept driving. It’s a miracle we kept saying in disbelief…

    I think I know what this means!

    1. Ooo interesting dream Andromeda!

      Insight seems an important theme here? I think you had that at the beginning. I don’t think too many people would take risks in a ‘family car.’ 😯

      Love to know what it means… If not too personal of course! 😯

  8. Think it’s interesting that in this oh-so-Neptunian post there is a lot of talk about protecting one’s energy, so apt.

    I kept seeing beetles after reading this and last night I saw this pic in my dream, it was static as an image except for the swarming beetles/scarabs…

  9. The Leo Socialite

    I was in this room the other day! Well at least i think i was, drifting off under the twilight sedation during a small cosmetic procedure, amazing visions. Thought my doctor was Loki so maybe a bit more out of it than i thought i was going to be. Love it mystic!

    1. Isn’t SHE!
      Hopefully we have all provided enough info in the
      Archives for her to write THE best seller that will have her
      writing at the beach house & riding horses bareback
      along the shore.
      Would provide it for her if i was a squillionaire.

  10. unpredictable pisces

    mystic, that is AWESOME!! Gave me a shiver. So…. inter-dimensional and mind-fuqing. I think it’s v healthy to have our stability upside-down-ded every once in a while. I got goosebumps reading your imaginative words. V. Cool 😀 xx

  11. here’s what I know of Neptune,

    of all of them out there,

    He is the most merciful of them.
    He knows mercy.

    And this is a great thing,

    perhaps the greatest…

    very special to those oppressed…

    very appreciated..

    1. O cripes, Sweetie, i use to do those teeth dreams ’bout
      10 years ago. It so distressed me. Closest to nightmare
      i’v ever had as i’m really thingie about teeth. It shows how
      well a person looks after themselves.
      Read where it was a ‘dying-death thing’ but don’t regard
      dream interpretations a lot as they are so subjective.
      Nevertheless i spent the equivalent of a new car on them
      afterwards to ensure i have beautiful teeth when i DO die!
      Funny none of my personal friends say they dream, i say they
      do but don’t remember them……….

      1. Darling, it may also be an age thing as you are the same age
        as when i was having those dreams but was in a very powerful
        time of my lfe.
        Altho’ the subconcious is an ocean fulla ‘stuff’…..
        Lost all. well, most, of my faith in everything this past winter
        & you are in change of season now to winter (if you can call it that
        Sending you spiritual protection & say 3 times when feeling a bit
        creeped out ‘I am of the Light’…you know the drill.
        Bodyworkers need it MORE than most other professions, we pick
        up OPS (Other Peeps Shite/stuff) subliminally specially those named
        HSP (Highly Sensitive Peeps-yes, there is a published book about the
        them & i got to tick too many of the boxes) they need the detox.
        My solution is always turn to Water, spa, pool, long shower, bath when
        i’m at beach house.
        Pick fresh rosemary if it’s in abundance there & put in heated frypan
        the smoke cleans.
        Stuart Wilde is convinced there ARE ghouls around. He fights & fries them
        continuously for humanity, he says.
        Google him & and William Bloom.
        You are surrounded by all here in Myst’s cyber-realm. It’s a blessing
        for me….for sure.
        kiss kiss hug hug.

    2. Ain’t that the truth about Forgiveness!
      Holding resentment so fuq’s a person up.
      About being ‘a reason for everything’ not sure about
      that as some life sit uations & experiences are beyond
      reason, in my experience that is only.
      Some peeps i’v noticed actually enjoy holding onto anger
      hurt & outrage, so preventing them from fully living & wore
      they want to bring you into it as well as they are unaware that
      they CAN monitor their thoughts. Sad for them that it shows
      on their faces.
      Gawd i sound like Kahil Gibran or i’m thinking of him………
      Rather think about him than Butch. Only another few days for
      Venus to fly again.

  12. If these ladies want me to stick around… they better have cake.

    They don’t appear to have cake.


    1. I would also stick around if they could explain these past few months of dreams… they look like they might be able to. I get the feeling their answers would be obtuse.

  13. I need to read a book on making neptune work for you. She’s squaring everything and I feel like the 6 of swords on a boat blindfolded with my fingers in the water trying to guess where I am by temperature

    1. 6 of swords is balanced energies after a struggle – swords is air so is words or thoughts – ideas. One of my tarot books describes 6 of swords as a time of radical dislocation – either psychologically or physically as in travel. A temporary sense of disorientation which brings a new perspective on personal issues. seems pretty apt if not a wee bit disorienting. If it’s humid and gross where you are you’re in Sydney ; o)

      so as not to plagiarise book is tarot for a new generation Janina Renee.

    2. I have a big Neptune. My first suggestion would be go with the flow.
      Think positive and of course, I will toss in some Yoda: Anger fear and aggression leads to the dark side, you will know it is right when you are calm, passive, at peace. I just got in PO box Astrology Karma & Transformation by Stephen Arroyo, and so far it is *spot-on. It pops up in MM’s rec list on the left. btw, Thanks Mystic

  14. LOL! Great pic! If that was my high school geography teacher when i was 15, I’d have to congratulate him on an awesome MTF surgery. 😀

  15. Love it Mystic !
    * Cosmic *
    Neptune waves were drifting me when, without even realizing it, I gravitated to an essential oil called Feng Shui Earth years ago. Study astro, find I am cardinal Earth. When I divorced, I changed my name, my whole name. Then found out Neptune, most aspected, rules ficticious names. Universe has me dialed in~grooovy!

    1. FF I thought the exact same thing the other day! I also meant to say how I loved your post re driving past the carpark entrance yesterday- love moments like those!

  16. Thanks Mystic. After reading this, figured out the benefit of Neptune – Saturn link: awake and aware enough to analyze what Neptune brings.

    1. ‘Saturn Link’ well said Q. If it wasn’t for Neptune stories such as this one by Mystic or my own personal tripped outed moments of escape my packed Saturn would eat me alive. I welcome Neptune in the balance!

        1. Don’t remember where I read it, but with challenging Saturn – Neptune aspects, the advice is to put Saturn structure where Neptune rules and then let Neptune roam within Saturn boundaries.

    1. Seconded no doubt by all who been guided to this site. Mystic: haute piscean (am I right? certainly feels like it): inspirational and totally addictive in the most therapeutic meaning of the word.

  17. Uranian&Plutonic Virgo

    I wanna be trapped in that mirror…

    Genius, Mystic.

    Almost like one of my own sojourns in my Dreaming Life!

  18. You know I think this is why homeopathy has not only always appealed to me … but damn well WORKED for me. Homeopathy being a planet earth based medicine but the intelligence behind it somewhat “otherworldly” really … like cures like but in minute quantum physics style doses??? Only a Neptunian could come up with that quite frankly. Well actually a Neptunian did come up with quantum physics – the physics of the very, very small beyond the laws of gravity. Plus it always works waaay better in an alcohol base taken as drops than those poxy sugar pills.

    1. sorry .. I segued a bit. Hey Neptunians are renowned for their healing capabilities whether it be quietly through their daily living habits with friends, family and coworkers … or overtly via their creativity or healing based practices. Neptunians bring peace … and sometimes that means being non compos mentis via alcohol or substances. I’ve yet to meet a violent Piscean. I’d have a yarn on the Neptunian Life Coach couch … wouldn’t understand half of it but that’s not the point – these guys speak to the unconscious and the spirit.

      1. Yars!
        I hoping Neptune in Pisces brings some REAL healing. like as a part of real life, y’know? Interactions between people healthy relationships,m in an ordinary sense, a la Saturn in Libra.
        I dream of happy people talking to happy bus drivers, drugstore clerks, etc, etc.
        Daily living habits, as you say….not a healer that you go to once a week and pay……(not that that is bad, I just think it’s too isolated for society…)

    2. Einstein definitely the bomb.

      Some bright spirit who lives near me stencilled a picture of him on a white wall I walk by every day, with his memorable line

      “great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds”

      (much like the flak homeopathy gets from medical profession).

      Next to it, on the same wall, this person stencilled a picture of John Lennon, and one of his best one-liners:

      “Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans”.

      So apropros re Lachesis n’all.

        1. yep. once I went to a wedding, and was smiling and trying to hide the fact that I was feeling a bit off, as I had been for weeks. Someone who I’d never met, who’d randomly been sat beside me at the wedding breakfast, looked right through me and said, you are looking a bit pale: go and see this women in sydney. She was a kinesiologist who didn’t advertise. Never heard of it, I thought, but something made me drive four hours there and four hours back to see her. She not only cured the gut pain I’d been secretly experiencing for months in the space of half an hour, but opened up my throat chakra, and the key to the upper register of my voice. I sang like i’d never sung all the way home. Neptunian synchronicity, for sure.

  19. Ahhh, now THAT would not faze me at all, as a Neptune on Ascendant person.

    In fact, much though I accept the wisdom of positive goal setting, gratitude, visualisation, laws of attraction – all of which supports a huge capitalist self-help industry that basically says “it’s your fault/inadequate mindset that is responsible if you can’t cure yourself of cancer/become a millionaire/thin as a twig/rise from the ghetto to become president” – part of me thinks that many in this industry do not adequately stress the DETACHMENT part.

    ie the part that says, set your goals, visualise your dreams, but be willing to accept that the Universe/destiny/fate/Lachesis – or whatever you want to call it – might have totally other plans for you that you are just gonna have to accept for a while….

  20. Wow I was so lost in your words I didn’t need to look at the picture.

    My mind went straight to the scene and I think yes I know this place well. Life has actually felt like this for a long time – absolutley on edge of dream like – maybe it is something to do with a Neptune square Neptune thing I have going on. I haven’t really looked much into that as it sounds like it may be outside my atrological literacy ability.

    Loved the story – you would do wild and fantastic guided meditations mystic!

  21. Dreams you say, darling Empress? Thanks for the Green Fairy btw.. love her, though I don’t drink. At all. I do dream though and had a chance to see Jung’s Red Book in DC.. beautiful images, the snake that’s either eating or growing out of a tree and always the hero.

    Though I had a straight run of solidly horrifying nightmares for several months, I love the fact that I dream and dream vividly. I feel richer for it, even if sometimes absolutely exhausted.

  22. OMG I think it’s because I have transiting Neptune trine my natal Neptune right now, or maybe because it’s about to go into my 7th house but I want to be THERE! Now!

    Mystic, this is a brilliant post.

    Thank you! I feel like I just had a holiday!

  23. I love this. It evokes perfectly how dreamland is. Well for me anyway. Major info coming in dream form at the mo. Every night for the last three nights has been another instalment in the continuing saga of my life at present. I think I need to sign up for their special workshop Beyond Jungian though.

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