Vanadium’s Move Into Politics

Neptunian Life Coaching Therapist: When was the last time you had a normal day?

Taking the question as accusatory, Vanadium bristled. Did Neptunian Life Coaching somehow know that she’d sat up nearly all night drinking Lilac Wine and listening to Moonlight Shadow on repeat?  Actually, probably yes.

She was composing a chic comment about the musical merits of this particular remix but the therapist clarified: “No, really – when was the last normal day for any of us?”

Unsure whether Lachesis was trying to bond with her or bait her into some sort of psychological reveal, Vanadium pretended to be thinking. Weirdness was rife but nobody could remember the unweird times so whatever. Weren’t Neptunian Life Coaching all about being weird-adept?

The latest outbreak of weirdness was a venomous spider-bite thing going around: nobody got sick but they developed crazy aspirations. Her friend Xanthe had been bitten and while she’d already been getting interested in using lipstick again for various reasons, after the bite she became obsessed with getting Lynx Lauder Jr to personally create a lipstick for her.

The hubris was hyperbolic, the sort of mindset Vanadium’s mother – a grade 2 certified narcissist and vibe vamp – would have called ‘ideas above her station.’ 

Vanadium snapped to, realizing Lachesis was telling her a tale to illustrate the new paranormality: another client of hers had been at the adult entertainer awards when sadly, the person a few seats down expired – as in died. Of what…?

Over-powering Nag Champa incense, apparently. Was the therapist just saying that to coax Vanadium into elaborating on her problematic past life issues with Nag Champa?

Anyway, the crux of the story was that this other client then saw the person who’d definitely died up on stage receiving an award for ‘most credible adherence to plot.’

“The plot of fuqing what” exclaimed an exasperated Vanadium. She needed pragmatic, actionable advice. Robo-drones had finally, definitively, robbed her of Space Archeology, her first career choice and primary passion. She’d been so stretched that she’d had to move back with her mother, who had just discovered there was Space Dust Shaman blood in her ancestry.

“This explains everything,” she’d declared dramatically. Vanadium was unmoved. Born on a Piscean Eclipse during a solar storm strong enough to rain satellites on some parts of the planet, her mother lived for paradigm-altering realizations.

On the day Vanadium had moved back in her mother messaged her to request ‘no expectations around performative meal creations’ and to not try and drink the hydrogen water, because it was for bathing. Her new regime also involved stopping everything to meditate every time the Hydra constellation rose or set and wearing silver-lurex threaded capes to ‘harmonize the frequencies.’

Lachesis smiled like a Sphinx: “Perhaps what is really fuqing you off is that it’s working for her?” Vanadium vaguely recalled Neptunian Life Coaching claiming narcissism to be a neuroconvergent syndrome and braced herself for a lecture on charitable impulse.

“You need a new outlet and no, not charity – politics. The Heliocentrics are looking for new candiates, it’s lucrative and you’d be perfect.”

The Heliocentrics were a new progressive party dissatisfied with the government’s mandated Mercury Retrograde go-slows – they did not, like the Stoics, want them banned but they wanted more awareness of Mercury Retro’s alternative dimensions, heliocentric astrology to be taught in schools and a better elemental mix within parliament.

Vanadium exploded: “It’s not the elemental mix! It’s that they’re nearly all Saturn-10th house types – understandably so but no! We need more Minervas and sketchy Mutables in power”

“Exactly, you’ll be perfect. I have arranged a meeting for you with the head of the Heliocentrics for your lunar return. It’s highly confidential so I won’t share the location here. Check your dreams first thing upon waking…so sorry, I’m late for my next appointment…”

Lachesis waved merrily and spiralled into a poof of Fracas-scented indigo disco mist, stylishly dematerializing as always. Vanadium wasn’t sure if the snatch of Moonlight Shadow was a mocking last word from Neptunian Life Coaching or her imagination.

18 thoughts on “Vanadium’s Move Into Politics”

  1. Max-Luxe me thinks Vanadium Lightyear would be an amazing graphic novel illustrated by Bill Sienkiewicz. Thanks Mystic, this is so good to read.

  2. [🎶…The night was heavy and the air was alive

    Also, if it’s more “sketchy Mutables” you would like to see in power, check out planet Earth from 2016 – 2022 when the Ginger Geminis, Donald & Boris were at the helm of the West. Never a dull moment.

    [🎶… Carried away by a moonlight shadow… shadow…🎶]

  3. [🎶… The trees that whisper in the evening..🎶]

    Don’t do it, Vanadium – you’ll get burnt if you join the Heliocentrics.
    Politics is a vile power vortex – ultimately the stress of it will mess with your gut flora & wreak havoc on your lovely translucent Neptunian skin – stay true & remain a subversive at large.

    [🎶… carried away by a moonlight shadow…shadow…🎶]

  4. Mystic at her zaniest…don’t we just love Vanadium & her take on all that is important to our well being in outer space.

    1. I feel that Vanadium would also have a side hustle as editor-at-large for the social pages of an intergalactic newspaper.

  5. Vote 1 Vanadium Lightyear!🥇✅
    We all know those checkered shirts and middle-suburbia smiles on the current monthly mailbox drop updates can be a front for appalling personal politics and an over-reliance on favours to retain power, at the expense of integrity. Yet their bland presentation serves to unruffle the feathers of those more invested in social status.

    Really the times do feel like a giant cosmic coin-toss… you can almost taste the indeterminacy in the air. What a time for the mutables to make a foray into unexplored territory! #bornthisway

    I’ve decided to lean in to AI and reverse-engineer a short course for myself about blockchain technology. Why should I pay some schmuck $1000 for a pre recorded course that they probably developed the same way anyway? Other ideas are cascading around. I’m trying to work with my progressed Taurus sun for its sense of certainty, self-belief and decisiveness.

    Vanadium, if anyone can do it you can. The universe builds the ground under our feet as we walk 🎈🎸😎💡🍀

    1. speaking of charitable impulse. or uncharitable in this case. “schmuck” probably wasn’t very kind of me. but if I see another fracking “short course” designed to certify me in some corporatised flim-flam in service of capitalism, just kindly enter my credit card details to hand over all of my money, and thank you very much ka-ching.. then I remember that the world economy is *checks notes* a tad wobbly, and realise that I probably need to be richer. so capitalism it is..
      Does Lachesis have any spaces in her schedule at the moment?

    2. Serendipitous Synchronicity

      Vote 1 Vanadium Lightyear🥇✅🙌🏽🌭 That’s a post-voting Galactic Democracy Sausage.

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