The Mars In Virgo Cleaning Agency

When you’re working ridiculously hard and devising strategies for future-proofing your everything, the extra help of a cleaner makes sense. But if the entire culture is in hyperflux, does an ordinary cleaner suffice?

Let’s face it, the times demand more than just some cursory spraying & wiping + pretending like the sofa got moved a centimeter to be allegedly vacuumed under. Additionally, if you’re dealing with Vibe Vampires in your daily regime, you cannot risk the possible presence of one in your house.

Eras like this one inspired Neptunian Life Coaching Services to establish the Mars in Virgo Cleaning Agency several centuries ago. You will notice the difference immediately.

Every employee must have a verified natal Mars in Virgo. They arrive with a skip bin and a waiver for you to sign, indemnifying the company from any post-decluttering claims. Their vacuum cleaner – the Vortex 5000 – is an interstellar import, powered by Dark Matter. The service is only available in Dark Moon weeks, and they’re always booked out ahead of Eclipses.

Mars In Virgo Cleaning Services take the annihilation of dirt, clutter, and stagnant vibe seriously. Aside from the intensive basic cleaning and unclutter, they will –

*Smudge your place with any one of 144 different herbal smudge sticks – you’ll know when you have entities or ghosts if they go straight for the Artemesia Absinthium with the silver lurex thread.

*Mop the floors with distilled or spring water with a triple Juniper, Regulus Basil, and Rosemary infusion.

*Perform an invocation to Fire Goddess Vesta at your hearth, aka oven.

*Line your threshold with sea salt crushed in with garlic to help deflect shards of envy and resentment, anyone or anything hostile and phenoms that belong elsewhere.

The difference in your home afterward will be drastic and radical. The catch? They are costly, and the upsurge in magic that follows the initial clean can take a while to adjust to.

63 thoughts on “The Mars In Virgo Cleaning Agency”

  1. Mars, Lilith and Pluto in Virgo here! I love love love this… have salt across the door, basil oil on the floors and am famous for my violet flame home energy cleanse… Gonna check out Tycho now – thank you Mystic. <3

  2. Mars in Virgo here… and yes, I can relate to all this. I actually scare my housemates when I go on a cleaning bender, they genuinely freak out at how ruthless I am. Cleaning is a spiritual practice.

  3. Scorporation, Inc.

    Neptunian Life Coaching Services = catnip. *inhaling*

    I can totally vouch for MVCA to clean slate your building/life. Unlike their sister company Plutonian Disaster Services, whose m.o. is to rig the place with c4’s & wipe all traces of its existence off Earth, MVCA sucks up everything foul but leaves you still with a place from which to operate.

  4. Cleaning (Mars in Virgo-is that why i have altercations with Virgos) is a barometer for me energy wise. Clean freak that i am.
    ‘When i;m not cleaning-i’m cleaning’….very funny as i know exactly what you mean @lilyrosewitch 🙂
    I even iron my knickers.

  5. Sign me up, the dust does annoy me and need someone to vacuum, the one job i dislike, think it’s the noise it make, sounds like someone whinnying all the time. lol lol

  6. I’m messy and not organized (or I take care of an issue in my place but other areas get worse). I find that natural household cleaners make it easier for me to get going than harsh commercial stuff that is abrasive and smells strong.

  7. Beam me up!
    Though…… I wonder if this Cleanliness is Next to Godliness brigade actually brush their OWN teeth. I often find the Virgos seek to control everyone else as a projection of not having their own inner world under control…. Anyone else agree??

  8. I love to clean my house and do so especially when I’m feeling stressed or out of control. I could go deeper, though. I like this level of clean you describe! Can’t afford to hire anyone, but I could do it myself……. Cleaning feels cathartic, for sure. I don’t have Mars in Virgo, though…..quite the opposite… Pisces, but the Mars is on the 10th house cusp/MC, and I have Venus in Cap in the 6th house, so some Cap/Virgo energy right there….

    Also, I hate clutter, but my bedroom is a bit cluttered right now and it is driving me crazy but haven’t been motivated to do anything about it…..I need to kick my own a$$….

  9. Relentless admin drive today. I can’t recall the exact timing last time, but i wonder if this energy is what got me through the initial phase of my father’s death back when. Cap moon probably helped then (and now), it’s the T-1000 of emotional tasks, sort of.
    finances on a close curb rein; future planning is getting groundwork. Just the basics, mind. coupla stakes in the ground.

  10. Uncannily spot on with the zeitgeist as usual, MM.
    today I mopped the floor with Basil oil, burned incense (I usually do) am planning to clean windows tomorrow with methylated spirits, hang a little shrine, turn out some cupboards etc etc.
    I put it down to natal mars in Virgo coupled with spring sunshine and some days off 🙂

    1. My Cap looks amazing for 40. His body is fantastic and could pass for late 20’s. He doesn’t have the Cap cheekbones. So happy to be his one and only.

          1. S, honey. You’ve shared a lot about your struggles here, and I feel obligated to speak up.

            Asking you to be exclusive on the second day is not sweet, it’s poor boundaries, and likely low self-esteem to boot. It’s a huge red flag.

            I imagine you are fragile/vulnerable after what you’ve been through lately. Love is a beautiful thing, but people don’t fall in love/get exclusive in a 48-hour time period. Not good, healthy love.

            Addiction, yes.

            Sorry babe. Please take care of your tender heart.

            1. I take it to mean, getting off the website and just seeing each other. He is worried about my male friends. I’am not rushing anything, just seeing what happens. He is very sweet and only concerned with my enjoyment. I appreciate your comments. He just doesn’t want to get hurt again and I’am the same.

  11. Question! i only attract boys with Mars in Virgo! (they all probably work for this agency) Is this the universe’s way to tell me i should be doing laundry more than once a month? Or they are just emissaries from Saturn transiting my VI house? i think is related :c

  12. 😯

    I’m in! I have Mars in Virgo in the 6th house conjunct Saturn. I mind map cleaning & love every minute of it. Today I ripped through the kitchen cabinets cleaning them out while I was eating my lunch. This evening, I’m vacuuming with the Vortex (Dyson) while I’m preparing dinner. I can’t go a day without cleaning, it’s my relaxation time 🙂

    1. Mars in Virgo and I mind -map the cleaning as well! And planning to turn out the kitchen cabinets- I’ve been looking forward to school holidays for some uninterrupted time to really pull everything out, rearrange or toss it out…
      when I get into a flow, I could clean all day, pausing for breaks to repot plants 🙂
      yesterday I started weeding the front yard and I was really in a Zone

    2. Oh you guys put my Virgo Mars to shame. Sitting in detritus apartment, two open suitcases on the floor alongside a stack of papers that need tossing and laundry that needs washing. Dishes… Let’s not even begin.
      Thing is, I know my Virgo Mars powers are sensational once switched on, but how to bypass the cap sun slobbery when there’s still whole nations of work to conquer!

      1. Nah, you probs just need some time to unleash the Mars in V….
        .been shifting around little piles of clutter for a few weeks from being busybusy and only now on a roll with the cleaning

      2. I have mars in virgo
        and well, 3 other planets as well. (sun, venus, mercury.)
        I do have saturn squaring most of these planets which adds a layer of difficulty, but

        I have realized over the years that how well my space looks is a DIRECT correlation to how well adjusted I am. So exact it’s probably a mathematical equation. If I am super stressed, frazzled, barely keeping it together than my room is a disaster zone like a tornado just hit. When I am on top of things and feeling in control my stuff is in order. And strangely if I have time to clean on the weekends then everything goes better while my room maintains that. My mars is in the 2nd house which might explain this strange phenomenon.

        My point is mars in virgo LOVES and THRIVES in an orderly environment so don’t ignore this part of yourself! Find some time to clean and see how much better you feel and how much better everything else goes!

      3. Thank you all! You’ve inspired me! I have officially cancelled everything and diarised Sunday as Mars in Virgo cleaning meditation. I plan to enter a trance state with organic solvents and earth-friendly scrubbers at the ready! xx

  13. Sign me up. Cap has been working me so hard lately I take every opp like today to sloth out, take a massage, rejuv so I can go hard again tonight. Got the week off but still got sooo much to do.

  14. I just got a drunk text from Miss Virgo. I never reply but that doesn’t stop her from being a Qi zombie. She has Mars in Virgo. I would hire this cleaning agency, but I already got cleaned out once by Miss Mars in Virgo.

    1. 😯 Not sure this is a good idea. SaggEx had Mars in Cap & he used his energy as hardest party guy, I think we need solar Cappies!

      1. Yeah I am also a Sag with a Cap Mars and I would be similarly useless in this endeavor. My partying days are over, but let’s put it this way: whether or not someone else’s house is clean is never ever going to make my priority list.

  15. Taurean lady I know used to run this agency I think. She would light beeswax scented candles as she worked to purify the air, used all natural products with powerful essential oils she made herself and charged 1/3 extra for her services but had more work than her growing team could handle. She said she always did one task extra uninvited like washing the porch floors.

    Now she cleans out people’s colonic pipes and her partner cleans out people’s metal pipes as he is a plumber.
    Don’t know her Mars!

  16. unless that is Special Medicated 5th-Dimension-Infused Blue Devil Cleaning Agent, she really should be using a nice beeswax polish on that table, not windex 🙂

    isn’t mars in sadge?
    6th house for me though.,

    yes the desire to profit from goods that need a more attentive home than I can give them is stronger than usual.
    once i finish this thing, i’ll get right on it. deadline priorities though..

        1. Mine smells like fresh jasmine atmo cos have been picking it from the garden and putting it in little vases through the house!

          1. How lovely! Wish I could say the same. My aura smells like mosquito coils, incense, sea air & life decompression release – which is a bit like the smell of the ground on rain hitting it on a hot summer day.

          2. Woman of my own heart!
            Every 2nd day i’m around the neighbourhood with scissors cutting jasmine for every room especially the bedroom.
            It assists sleeping and is also an aphrodisiac. Some peeps get a headache from it, not me, I’m madly breathing it in. Such a symbol of Spring.

  17. Love this post! It is like the synopsis for a Douglas Adams novel, if only he lived long enough to delve into astro and do up a chart for hoopy froods like Eccentrica Galumbits, Zaphod Beeblebrox, Trillian and Hotblack Desiato.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *