When you’re working ridiculously hard and devising strategies for future-proofing your everything, the extra help of a cleaner makes sense. But if the entire culture is in hyperflux, does an ordinary cleaner suffice?
Let’s face it, the times demand more than just some cursory spraying & wiping + pretending like the sofa got moved a centimeter to be allegedly vacuumed under. Additionally, if you’re dealing with Vibe Vampires in your daily regime, you cannot risk the possible presence of one in your house.
Eras like this one inspired Neptunian Life Coaching Services to establish the Mars in Virgo Cleaning Agency several centuries ago. You will notice the difference immediately.
Every employee must have a verified natal Mars in Virgo. They arrive with a skip bin and a waiver for you to sign, indemnifying the company from any post-decluttering claims. Their vacuum cleaner – the Vortex 5000 – is an interstellar import, powered by Dark Matter. The service is only available in Dark Moon weeks, and they’re always booked out ahead of Eclipses.
Mars In Virgo Cleaning Services take the annihilation of dirt, clutter, and stagnant vibe seriously. Aside from the intensive basic cleaning and unclutter, they will –
*Smudge your place with any one of 144 different herbal smudge sticks – you’ll know when you have entities or ghosts if they go straight for the Artemesia Absinthium with the silver lurex thread.
*Mop the floors with distilled or spring water with a triple Juniper, Regulus Basil, and Rosemary infusion.
*Perform an invocation to Fire Goddess Vesta at your hearth, aka oven.
*Line your threshold with sea salt crushed in with garlic to help deflect shards of envy and resentment, anyone or anything hostile and phenoms that belong elsewhere.
The difference in your home afterward will be drastic and radical. The catch? They are costly, and the upsurge in magic that follows the initial clean can take a while to adjust to.