Friendless At Forty? What To Do

Dear Mystic

I’m writing to you with a question that has been irking me for longer than I care to admit (ok, about 18 months, maybe longer if I’m brutally honest).

It’s kinda embarrassing to admit this to anyone other than my therapist. But even she is stumped by the situation. And so here I am, hat in hand, asking where the fuq have all my friends gone???

I moved interstate from one big city to another big city about 5 years ago. I already knew a few friendly peeps on the ground in my new home and left behind a handful of good friends who had mostly all shacked up and procreated by the time I left town. Before the friendship drift I was socially active at least two times per week, both after work and on the weekend. Nothing excessive, just healthy and happy friendships and the odd Old-Friend-Not-Necessarily-Good-Friend social connection that stuck from eons ago.

As things started ramping up at work for me I made a big effort to maintain work/life balance so I could keep things in perspective/have fun/not-go-postal. I reached out to friends and initiated catching up regularly, I stayed committed to my long established yoga/pilates/wellbeing regime, I tried new things, I kept my home like an urban oasis, I used online dating apps to meet guys.

This all continues in present day. Whilst my online dating campaign has been hit and mostly miss, my health/fitness/wellness has been on a healthy steady incline as is my career and bank balance (which I think is reflective of my increased confidence/self esteem in those areas).

On the other hand I can’t help but notice the glaringly obvious fact that I have no friends. I send warm happy texts/thoughts/wishes to people asking how they are and if they’d like to hang out/see a play/go to a gig/festival/gallery/cafe. Most of the time I get no reply. Sometimes I get a Sorry, no can do for whatever reason.

Over time I ceased making effort with the non-available. My phone remains silent for weeks on end. The only regular calls I get are from my interstate Mum and Brother. Even my current and previous housemates seem to give me a wide berth. It’s lonely as fuq. I still reach out semi-regularly, hopefully, to the 1 or 2 friends that have bothered to respond in the past. I don’t really want to attend events on my own but I have and I will. I continue to be a friend but it’s no fun when it’s not reciprocated.

I consider myself to be fairly self-aware and I continue to develop personally through Meditation, Yoga, Therapy and Tarot, Astro and other Esoteric Arts. I’m a good listener, I have a sense of humour, I speak up and don’t take bullshit from anyone, I’m generally happy and look for the best in people. As an ambivert I do enjoy quality solo/quiet time very much. Just not for months/years on end. I’m totally over it.

I’m a week away from turning 40 (12 Feb 1977). Sun, Merc and Mars in Aqua, Moon in Sagg, Scorp rising. Saturn in Leo. Venus in Aries. I don’t have kids or a long term partner. Neither has bothered me much and I’m (mostly) happy being single but I really miss being part of the gang.

Is this friend-drought a symptom of a seemingly endless Astro passage? Am I just spinning my wheels in the friend department and no amount of effort on my part will make an iota of difference? Will things improve in the fullness of time? Or should I just accept things as they are and resign myself to the fact that this is what middle age friendship means in this day and age and go rescue a cat/s from the shelter?

I want to commune with kindred spirits. Your site helps a LOT. Thank you x a billion.

Friendless at Forty

Dear Friendless At Forty,

First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!  And, I don’t think this is a transit. It’s a social trend. Think social media, people narrowing their social focus as they emerge from their Twenties and a certain genre of married person who isolates stray singles for fear they will attempt to nab their partner.

Social media and online dating make it easier to spin a veil of affection/connection that is more insubstantial than it seems when you’re counting your likes, hearts or support cliches like ‘you got this’ and so forth.

I sometimes think one of the reasons for the enduring popularity of the Kardashians and Real Housewives franchise is that the cast are seen to sit around having deep dialogue about things that matter. Obviously it’s all curated and the surrrounding glamor is calculated to sell you things but the viewers crave that level of connection.

When you’re single in your 20s you’re high on human growth hormone and your gut enzymes can pretty much digest anything – tequila, lies, convenience store dinners. You have the sort of stamina that favors charging around clubs or into parties and what’s more, you usually look good regardless.

Nature’s desire to perpetrate the species means you’re easily made more gregarious by the prospect of sex, being around beautiful people, music, sunset, kittens, chocolate, anything really. I know that life pre-Saturn-Return is not all a bacchanalia but in terms of meeting people, it’s ridiculously easy.

Would you want to extend a 24 year old’s lifestyle into your Thirties and beyond? Fuq no. But the fact is that people tend to withdraw into their cliques after Saturn Return and couples in particular.

Once upon a time there was a more rigid social strata that was definitely more intrusive and dysfunctional in many ways but it would also have obliged couples to invite single people to things. If you were a successful or at least, settled matron, “matchmaking” was seen as an essential skill.

It’s odd that, even now, there are so many people – mostly women I suspect – who are perfectly happy to drop single female friends the moment they commit – it seems retro and not in a good way.

But think about this – you are living a life that barely anyone of previous generations would have been able to attain. People – especially women – would have been in AWE at the amount of space, freedom, luxury, self-reliance and peace that you have been able to score for yourself.

I am not saying this to diminish your feelings – I think they are totally for real and you write about them so poignantly but remember that you are in an enviable position.  You also sound authentic and many people are not – have you considered the possibility that your Aquarian cool + snazzy Scorpio Rising could intimidate some people? You could be coming across as more aloof than you realize?

You currently have Saturn in proximity to your Moon, an influence that can make you feel isolated under any circumstances. In your case, you’re clearly becoming more aware of the situation. You also have Jupiter heading for your Ascendant – the ultimate in game changing expansive scenarios.

So unless your “I speak up and don’t take bullshit from anyone” is code for “I screech like a harpy when anyone disagrees with me and then  tip the table over” then here are some thoughts:

*Consider Meet-Ups – so not social media but yet (sort of) online facilitated – every big city has them. You go to the Meet-Ups site for your area and choose subjects you are or could be passionate about it. Or just things you would like to know more about. As a Scorpio Rising, presumably your 11th house (the social sector) is mostly in Virgo so consider wordy/literary themes or…gardening?

*Would you get a dog? Dogs bring you into the community, which is usually a good thing and they provide an easy topic of conversation at parks and in the street etc.

*Singles bushwalking – terrifying because it seems like a fundamentalist Christian could try to help you become more Godly in some far-flung scenic track but absolutely an interesting idea and at the very least you will see some scenery and enjoy the vitality-boosting effects of striding through nature, oxygenating etc.

*Magic. Housewitch your place, set it up the way it would be if you were to entertain more often. Say some prayers or set some strong intentions. Tell me your urban oasis does not have a hoard of once upon a time stuff?!

*Become mysteriously and ridiculously rich in a short phase of time. People will gossip about you and that snark could turn to outright enmity when you refuse to fund their idiotic ideas but you won’t lack for company.

*If you’re in the corporate world, work the networking potential to the highest extent, even if you don’t need to do it for professional reasons. Multiple-Aquarians are far more likely to meet people in conference or similar settings, where you’re buzzed on new ideas or breaking trends, than in a standard ‘dating’ scenario.

*Health retreats are fantastic for meeting people as you’re usually there for a while so there are lots of opportunities to strike up conversation or commiserate over your shredded carrot dinner when you really want potatoes. Yet nobody is expecting you to connect so there is no pressure.

What does everyone else think?

Image: Nataliya Bagatskaya – New Things

251 thoughts on “Friendless At Forty? What To Do”

  1. ive had this issue for yrs.
    when people say ‘oh i went out with the girls’ it can feel like a stab and twist.
    luckily i have one female friend but could do with more…but on the other hand, friendship does take effort…not sure if i can be bothered…i have a partner aswell.
    glad to hear its ‘a thing’. think it does get harder as you get oldet.
    i do love being on my own aswell…

  2. Wow how amazing are these comments?! What a bunch of amazing peeps xx

    So, hi Friendless at Forty – I’ve been thinking about a reply to this for a couple of days as I have felt similar in the past 12 months or so. In fact I have considered staying in a relationship I’m not happy with because we like seeing live music together and I don’t want to go back to rounding up randoms or smug-marrieds whose husbands won’t let them out with me very often. In my town it really is not done for women to go to pubs/clubs alone.

    I’m just past Chiron return and after getting divorced a few years ago I had to pretty much start from scratch socially. The couple-friends evaporated, some of their own marriages broke up and other people came and went. A lot of single women I met were always calling me – until they got partnered up again and the phone went silent – just like high school lol!
    I am slowly making new foundations. I am quite shy socially but post-divorce I made myself get proactive. I find that most people are happy for someone else to do the organising, so I’ve reluctantly taken on that role with the friends I like. Most reciprocate when they can, but I am the main organiser. I would rather do that than sit at home. I’ve culled a few people whom I simply never heard from unless I had free tickets to events, and kept the rest. I hate doing the asking but I have got much braver and now think nothing of going along to something new. I like to think of it as building my friendship muscles.
    The best friendships seem to be forming from small groups I’ve joined – people who share a similar interest or cause. The regular contact over time is helping me to building relationships from the ground up. It’s slow going though 🙂
    I would recommend some structure into your social life. For example, choose some groups that meet on weekends. It could be volunteering at an animal shelter, food rescue or similar; a painting/arts group; an environmental group; a sports group. Your time will fill up, and because there is a structure to it you won’t have that dread that can occur when faced with an endless stretch of weekend and no plans.
    I am not as good with the astro as some here but if you are Scorp rising and Sagg moon you have been copping a LOT of Saturn. All your Aqua will long for a ‘tribe’. Do you have Leo MC? Then you are about to have the NN there, auspicious as fuq for your public persona.
    I am also a big believer in magic and housewitchery. A few years ago I read a book called The Wishing Year which talked a lot about intentions, totems, altars, vision boards and other ways to attract more of what you want. When I’m struggling with something I find it useful to start noticing what’s going right on a regular basis rather than what isn’t working. Perhaps notice and acknowledge to yourself every time you make the effort to talk to someone, smile at them, extend an invitation or go to a new group. You can’t control the outcome but you can control your own actions.
    Lastly thanks so much for your honesty and courage in sharing your story. As you can see from the comments it’s had a profound impact on our little community. xx

  3. I’ve been wanting to reply to this all day. I am five years too young and could easily join this club. Internet isolating people, working from home, having the realization that my so-called friends don’t value me as a person and stab me in the back, single-shaming in a culture where everybody marries young, being fed up of Facebook and my natal moon has is conjunct Mars and Saturn in Libra 2nd house (mars to my left, saturn to my right). When I started living by myself, it may have appeared that I was shutting off from the world but I loved it be cause I had been wanting my own place since I was six. But yes, I feel lonely, misunderstood a lot. And yet I want the space, I NEED the space. Sometimes I enjoy it a lot. People have been thrilled at the prospect of being neighbors to me whereas I almost openly discouraged it. Or they proposed becoming roommates and I was all “hell no” with no regrets because the people were immature and straight-up crazy. I feel that I have very few friends, they care and give me good advice sometimes, but my communication is mobile/internet and I spend a lot of my days alone. I also feel like I need to make a lot of changes, as scary as it may be, and many of whom would like to consider themselves to be my “friends” just don’t fulfill my needs to be genuine and fulfilled. I guess I’m a blowhard. I feel invisible. Sexually invisible, too. I feel disliked. Sometimes, the more I know about astro, the more sad I get becasue I see: afflicted sun, aflicted moon, combust venus retro, a Midheaven in Gemini without any planets there. Pisces in the 7th (man, I’m tired of that sh*t). It’s like okay, there’s Home with Neptune and Lilith and Vesta and all this witchy stuff so I do have some fun at home. But my relationships, life path, career, I’m just like ugh.

    1. The economical and political situation where I live has also made a lot of my relatives move from here (undisclosed location). My baby sister is in America and I miss her a lot.

  4. I experienced the same problem of diminishing friendships in my early 40s. I’m now a 53 year old ( aquari crab). While it might not be the most inspiring advice, have faith that things will change. With me, a new neighbour randomly invited me to a social group he was in and I made new friends out of that, and I’ve changed jobs and met some cool women who have become great friends. I know how hard it can be so best wishes to you.

    1. Same, the tide totally went out, then it came in again. Change of life, going back to uni etc…

      I thought this was pretty normal, like a gear change, can be crunchy especially going up hills. I have enough distance to admit it was harrowing and cathartic.

      I’m surprised that there is no mention of midlife, peri-menopause or URANUS OPPOSITION in the comments.

      Trust the process of life, let it sweep you into unexpected corners xx

      1. Which is why since I can’t avoid it unless I am dead (you never know your luck), I’m going to have as many parties as possible because time can go fuq itself, lol.

      2. Tbh though, apart from all the usual internalised impossible beauty standards applied to women who are subsequently advised that they must end up on the scrap heap of love (another reason to avoid online dating), I smashed out a couple of major Uranus transits since 2010 so I’m actually looking forward to whatever kind of shakeup it thinks is still worth applying to my life. Lol again.

      3. Uranus opposition was mentioned in mine.

        And Pi 77 Uranus opposition next year, my natal is 7 Scorp

  5. Our stateside city has mushroomed with new meetups to preserve sanity with newly active peeps. With constitutional crisis afoot, folks of all ages, stripes, money, troop to protest study and plot.

    Maybe check the 11th House, transits and Progressions too? My life has cycled through times of few friends to cannot keep up and must cull. Many friends derive from my 6th house actually- Aries cusp – at our dojo. Many athletic stores have running and cycling groups for all levels. We have slow roll trips to the city.

    You could plot sanity saving days afield for coupled women- who would love a trip to art museum, casino, anything not related to carpools and drool.

    Screen friendships avoid intensity and inconvenience. Swiping eliminates those nasty feelings of remorse and responsibility. Stay real and true to you!

    xx
    Libra crowd in 11th
    Scorp Rising

  6. I wonder about the astro-geography of this city. Is it along your Saturn line? Maybe a move to a place along your Jupiter line? Or a city that is more cosmopolitan/has more foreigners/is used to bringing outsiders into the fold?

    Yes, definitely a problem with modern society, but since it coincides with a move, I wonder if the solution is moving ON.

  7. What a fantastic commentary on life in 2017. There are a few movie scripts in there. My 5c worth is im may be alone but im never lonely. Since travelling 2000km interstate I have met more friendly stranger/angels than i wouldve ever imagined. I tried to fit in with my long term coupled family members but i just dont fit. They dont invite me it wouldn’t occur to them as im single and an alien i dont care cos ive met so many single women vanners on the road. Its a community on its own all on fb but so encouraging towards single women mostky over 50 ditching conventional ife, mortgage kids eyc and hitting the road. I would not want to b anywhere else. My aqua rising has certainly sustained this journey. When my leo sun wants some action i go to meetup or a concert on my own or just chat to fellow campers who are relaxed and on hols. Love thislife. Its minimilist eco froendly, cheap as and liberating.

    1. Wow! This is awesome and inspiring to hear! 🙂
      Perhaps that will be a direction I head in as I contemplate what to do with the rest of my life……just turned 49 on Jan 31st, sister Aqua, here..

  8. I turned 45 on the 22nd of Jan. Only one (my bro Beau) of my five siblings plus extended clan gifted me anything – $50 cash – of which I was very appreciative. No one even offered to pay for my lunch at the Rissole. No fuqer bought me a beer. Am I a C***, no I don’t think so. Just don’t have many friends. 1100 days straight logged-on to a full-time bachelor’s degree decimated the few tangible human assets I knew well enough to consider them friends. That episode of my life was torture. Even though I aced it and was invited back for an honour’s year, there’s no-way I’d do it. I wouldn’t recommend full-time online study to anyone.

    My GF – known her for a virtual month plus two tangible months over silly season – asked me where I’d like to go for dins. I thought sushi at Noosa junction washed down with a couple of sakis would’ve been rad. GF responded with “I don’t like sushi,” so that was that. Weird thing was the following Sunday at the markets she smashed a couple of sushi rolls while I chowed-down on a German cheese kransky plus sauerkraut drowned in mustard on sourdough hot-dog…

    Nine out of my 61 facey pals chimed in with a generic “Happy birthday, Damon!” I assume the others have faded me, ’cause no fuqer ever ‘likes’ my native bird, insect, reptile, marsupial, epic empty surf/beach photo posts.

    All my teen. 20’s, 30’s crew are on their second marriages, or still crying in their soup re: “the bitch that destroyed my fucing life.”

    Who knew at 45 my friends would be so few.

    My main observation is that it’s nigh impossible to connect with another individual in a classic dyad style relationship. It may be due to a lack of real presence in the other, or an acute awareness on my part. Especially so among my peers and younger. There’s an omnipresent device distraction – or a need to engage with it blinding us in ways I won’t go into here.

    I agree that social networking is eroding enormous rifts in contemporary hyper-modern society.

    In closing – Someone told me a while back, “If you want more love, be more loving; If you want more friends, be more friendly.”

    Damons

    1. “To get what you want, become what you want.”

      In your case, you need to become sushi washed down with a couple of tasty sakes.

      Hmmm

    2. By the way congrats on the study. Yeah it’s isolating if we are not among similar others… Esp 100% online whoa. But I like to think our neurons are getting lots of good nutrition. And we put ourselves in a new life position afterwards.

    3. So agree as a trainer im over talking when i get home and rarely revel anything about my private life anymore to students.

    4. OMG I so hear that. Bartending hasn’t cured me of friends, but it sure has (mostly) cured me of wanting to be social. I”m everybody’s “friend” for 7+hrs, just put me on a couch with a glass of wine and some purring cats plz

  9. This resonates….painfully so. I’m 38 and facing the same issue. Good friends are off in the suburbs. Tinder connections ephemeral and a bit empty.

  10. I have to chuck in a few comments here as someone who has felt a lot of “I don’t have any friends” over the years. A few years ago I put all this effort into maintaining friendships and then I just realised it was completely unappreciated and I slowly stopped. Luckily, I’ve moved into a period of peace. A few of these things helped me:
    1. Read Osho. Try The Empty Boat. he’s all about how great it is to just be by yourself in this life. …and the zen thing, you let go of all expectations of others and after that, you know, the people you need suddenly love you. but you do have to give up and let go and recognise how annoying nearly all other people on the planet are, anyway.
    2. My spiritual teacher recently said to me “who needs friends these days when you’ve got Netflix”
    3. I I got tough on friendship. The other day I blocked three of my remaining friends. it was a mean thing to do but I just thought I prefer being on my own than being around these people. I’m not sure what I’ll say to them when I see them again but I’m taking the Osho ‘don’t TRY to be nice or good’ route. Just be selfish.
    4. I realised that work takes up so much of my energy I don’t need too much social life outside. I do have some reasonable family members around my city so that is good.
    5. but my advice is, be tough. no matter how lonely you are, don’t be friends with people to be nice or not to be lonely.
    6. It does seem to be a story of our time and I think one day things will shift, you know, just like that, or maybe one day I’ll just be in an old people’s home and it will be sociable again.

  11. xox rockstar libran publicist xox

    Can the internet be a key driver to contemporary loneliness / friendlessness?

    Despite being a ‘bridge’ as mentioned above – but perhaps it’s actually the great divide? ‘Liking’ not commenting, emailing not calling

    Social media feeds team with activity, mine included – but I can hibernate for weeks on end and bump into anyone who says ‘OMG how are you – you’ve got so much going on it’s fantastic!!’ – when in reality the phone hasn’t rung all week with anything social, and luckily I enjoy my own company as weekends can be walking the dog and cooking or beach trips for one. How did dinners at friends houses evaporate?

    Like David L’s first post – I live in a busy beachside community. Almost too busy for many. I’m also the one who speaks to stranger sitting beside me in cafes or supermarket queues, and frequents ‘the town square’ x farmers markets x local watering holes x the beach. Unlike DL – I too share the sentiments of many on this stream (bar the shielded from husbands thing thankfully – that’d suck!)

    I have many friends – but I don’t have a social life.
    Hadn’t considered it that way. It’s not loneliness – it’s lack of social life that irks me. Professionally my world is very social working within the arts, but personally social life evaporated and I never noticed until this post.

    Time to reignite home entertainment (In my case the holy summer BBQ grail) – invite 6 friends who each bring a guest of their choice. Then nominate a guess to host the next one. Everyone ‘bring a plate’ – surely this is a solution of sorts?

    1. About time you said something! It’s been a long time between words here.
      Now THIS is like seeing an old friend from eaons ago that one felt close to.
      You are getting Adelaide’s weather, the heavy endless heat waves we have escaped. Still it’s SUMMER =beach and frolicks with ma K9.
      My needs have simplified 🙂
      Delighted to see your gravatar again.x0x.

    2. I really, really really miss dinner at friends houses. It’s one of the nicest things to do. If my living circumstances allowed, I’d have friends around every weekend. Shoot the breeze, eat some tasty food, pour some tasty wine, good vibes and happytimes, let off steam.

    3. The town where I used to live , my friends and I had a Monday dinner thing. Living alone, you always cook a lot right? So each person took turns to cook for the other 3-5 of us (singles, because the marrieds seemed to forget to invite us lol) , just show up at your mate’s place and enjoy whatever they happened to cook. You bring vino or bread or chocolates whatever, if desired.

      1. Ohhh this reminds me how much I miss my man-friends. God I love just kicking back with a boy pal and drinking beer and talking shit. No wierd static. Venus in aries i guess.

    4. I think it has more to do with stages of life and people pairing up and priorities. My parents are pre-Internet (it’s a thing!) and they have very few friends. Other friends’ parents have a few close friends but they mainly rely on each other for support.
      I do wish I wrote letters like I used to though. It’s a wonderful gift to send or receive and so rare now.

  12. Same here, very few ppl I’d call friends & none that I’d call ‘real friends’. Discovering at 52 I was on the Asperger spectrum, explained a lot. My phone NEVER rings. Well hardly ever. I have ceased to care. I belong wherever I am.

  13. Hmmmm, I can relate to many things written here. Young 58, divorced for 12 years, have adult children and profession. Virgo sun; Taurus rising with Mars on the horizon; Aqua moon with Chiron at midheaven; venus conj. Uranus in the communications sector, jupiter bang on North Node and a host of planets and asteroids in the 4th house.Sappho trines Venus/Uranus in Leo. Ambivert definitely.

    I agree that this is something becoming more common and that there are many reasons for it as we work harder and faster and have limited energy after our responsibilities, social media, and a society increasingly in-turned and self-interested…etc etc. Yes, as a woman when you become single, you are definitely seen as a danger, even if you aren’t and I had to largely leave my old life and established friendships and start again. The most helpful thing I did was to turn to dance, my old passion and go out alone to salsa classes. This gave me a social group who always has fun doing what we love, which also keeps us healthy. If I feel a lack of social contact, I only have to go out to the Latin dance scene and there will be an array of people from various cultures which is in itself very valuable to me.

    It does sadden me that many women, both married and single feel the need to compete with each other +++ as this does not help with friendship.

    I am a devil for my independence and i love time alone and this is a tendency I need to actively balance, as, at times, I have cut myself off. I also have to watch that Mars with Taurus which can become a bit full-on if I am not careful. I think as I age, I have also become more discerning about who I give time to and feel the need to preserve energy from energy vamps. This is a good thing. Really. I really hate disloyalty from friends and will cut off or at least distance myself when it occurs. I have also noticed a reduction of my social contacts if I don’t actively work on this and get my Taurean part off the couch!
    I think that taking the active role is necessary and inviting some friends to dinner in my home is a really good way to strengthen connections.

    Let people know, you care about them.

    Whilst I really enjoy social media, I can see a tendency for it to make people feel ever more insecure about themselves as everyone portrays their ideal to the world :(. (never compare yourself with others as there will always be those who are greater or lesser than yourself” Desiderata.

    When I do feel a bit lonely or have isolated myself, I have two options, either actively make a connection or focus on other things, eg, my home life, writing or arty things, communing with friends from other far off places, I have met in my travels or getting obsessed with things political as I have this full-on idealistic streak which never leaves me.

    Sometimes, I make excuses to myself, claiming I am too tired from work, but this is nonsense, as if I keep fit and positive I will actually have that energy.

    I do agree about the spirit and I certainly become more disconnected if I disconnect with that, so I have become quite disciplined in that my daily routine always includes something to connect me to the divine, be it greeting my ancestors or doing some other activity consistent with my beliefs. This, for me, includes going to the ocean and giving thanks, moon and star gazing, going barefoot on the soil or getting into the garden, the last is fantastic for altering any sludgy feelings about the self and getting re-grounded.

    Don’t beat up on yourself about it, face it and know you are not alone, it is part of something larger.

  14. PS. Not to sound smug and negative both at the same time, but most marriages break up in the early forties, so in a couple of years you’ll probably have loads of friends to play with again.

  15. Hmmm. I think part of it might be big cities. I’ve lived in five of them as an adult (both single and partnered), am 37, divorced and childless, and have always found them harder socially. Mainly because everyone is so damned tired all the time just trying not to fall off the treadmill (can only imagine that is even harder when you have a couple of children on your back and a husband whining every time he gets a cold – sorry, feeling jaded) or they live so far away from you so meeting up requires a packed lunch. Currently living in teeny-tiny beach town, semi-off-the-grid for the first time in my life and that is MUCH easier. Small town attitudes annoy the hell out of me but have already found some equally annoyed kindreds. But it’s definitely not just you. It’s an epidemic.

  16. I feel like for older folks, women especially, at a certain point past mid-30’s or so, people start drifting away. They invest more into marriage, having kids, their aging parents, their work circle and so it becomes more and more difficult to form connections unless you guys have a mutual connection.

    Research says once you reach 30 (Saturn return), the number of friends you have drops dramatically. From a circle of ten or so to maybe two or three.

    For nontraditional women, who don’t have kids, who aren’t married or in a long-term relationship, etc, this is very hard, and I think society alienates them a lot.

    I’m a lot younger than forty but I would say this can occur at any age, and just a year ago I had very few friends, very few connections, and kept to myself. After reaching out and getting rejected repeatedly, I just decided to focus on self-improvement. Simply do what I wanted to do. So I traveled all over the place, visited everywhere I wanted to go, started exercising and losing weight, and essentially became independent.

    Now, after a year or so of being almost completely alone, I find that I get reached out to a lot more. People want to start conversations, or invite me to events. I think if you look too hard for something, you won’t find the answer you want. I’d suggest maybe detachment and laying back. Let people make an effort to approach you. If they are genuine, they should.

    1. Seeing the earlier comments, it seems like a lot of people are in a similar situation to you. Maybe reach out to them, get an online penpal?

    2. Agreed, it is the same as love, you don’t find it by looking for it! Work on loving, respecting and developing the self and you will attract people to you. Mind you, they won’t necessarily come knocking at your door if you are glued to the screen or the couch!

  17. Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot

    I think it can happen at any age–don’t focus on the 40!

    I’ve gone through periods much like this….and while it sucks I believe its like saturn’s way of making room for quality friendships, rather than flimsy ones.

    My advice is fuq of the people who you don’t really vibrate with and only hang with people who….make you feel fucking awesome.

    And yeah, it can take time to meet these people, but you WILL meet them. Following your bliss is usually the best policy until then.

    Try all the projects you’ve ever wanted to do. You may meet some awesome folk along the way, but that’s not the point!

    Do stuff you LOVE or have always wanted to try. Go out on your own, and don’t feel bad about it.

    There is a BIG difference between “alone” and “lonely”. Going out alone but with confidence is great and other people, quite frankly will be in awe of you.

    I once went to a big gig all by myself and this girl approached me and said “are you here all by yourself” and I was like “Hell yeah” and she was like, wow that’s so badass I really envy you. People are sheep who cling to the group out of FEAR.

    Happy birthday you badass!

    1. Following your bliss* is always the best policy!

      *not in a wanky, gerbera, ‘clean’ eating, buy my bestseller and become happy and truly love yourself way of course

    2. Haha! Yass! It took me years to love my own company but now I think I’m hot 🙂 Eating out alone is the one thing I still struggle with but I love a challenge. I wish I could put my brain and my confidence into my younger self so she could stop worrying about what people think about her and go do what she wants.

  18. I am wondering if the Scorpio ascendant and ruling Mars in Aqua gives you an aura of self-sufficiency and aloofness. Scorpio rising is deeply, deeply sensitive but it’s not obvious in superficial friendships, so those people can’t see how much they may have hurt you. As a fellow Aqua, just turned 59, I’ve learned that friendship is a mysterious thing. I’ve had to face my frequent inability to accurately read people’s intentions and the true depth of someone’s friendship. So some seeming friends have dropped me and I’ve found it deeply wounding, but the surprise has been those who have continued our connection despite my not always seeing the hand of friendship under my nose so to speak. The tide of friendship ebbs and flows and forever friends are rare. The friendship drought is a signal that you are changing and new friends will appear who reflect that change. That has been my experience. Ditch those who don’t reply, seek out a new tribe, let down the Scorpio guard, cast a friendship spell on the phone. Meanwhile, HAPPY BIRTHDAY on 12th February. 40 is a fabulous age. If I had a time machine to take me back to being 40, I would enjoy it so much more without the insecurities about getting old (which it isn’t) and the who-am-I introspection, I wish you free of all that baggage.

    1. This is so sweet — thank you for sharing! ’77 baby here too so turning 40 myself. Will heed your words about enjoying it (even) more! xx

  19. I live in a popular coastal town.been out of the loop due to dealing with health issues. For some reason when your at your most vulnerable it brings out people’s dark side. Like they need a cat to kick. Being solo in a place where people flock together in tribes and meet on beaches in their exclusive cliques and have a token aboriginal guy with dudge jyst to prove how authentic they are. They go on about love a lot. But if they see you your looked down upon because your not part of tje chosen ones, that go to peru every year and are so happy. Good on them. Im just speaking as one that feels oppressed and on the outer.

      1. Yep, after living in the hills behind mt. Warning and being blessed with many good friends over those years I moved to Byron to work a little and sort of get back into the world. 18months later I left there totally fuqed over, a terrible experience. I call it the break up capital of Australia and it seems to attract a certain type of wanker that I despise. Annabella, if it is Byron get out ! Move to a real town with real people, real community. There are quite a few in the hills further north and you will be amazed at the depth and welcoming of the people in these smaller communities. Byron has a dark history ( whaling, abattoir, radiated soil from sand mining etc) and has become more a marketing tool than a real town. If you need some more ideas come back to me here but a good start would be to visit the krsna farm outside Murwillumbah, there is a free feast every Sunday and it’s a great way to meet locals x

      2. Hi davud, yes it is byron! Been living near there on and off since 1990. Just had a short stint at main arm. Its still rakes time to make new friends. Im dealing with chronic fatugue so doesnt help. But those tribes in byron so up themselves

      3. It’s a great place to holiday (especially in winter) but I stayed for 5 months 10 years ago and realised, I don’t want to live there! Came thankfully back to Melbourne!

      4. I did meet a few good peeps in Byron though, a quite a few who lived nearby in Mullum etc. Bangalow poets society is fab.

      5. After reading this i found a book called good karma by thibten chodren. Turned open to a quote about complaining mind! If you dont have a spiritual practice life is shallow despite how many friends you have. We don’t belong to the world. We are here to work out our karma and evolve. No body is your friend they are your teacher

      6. I was conceived in the back of a brand new VW Kombi camper van in the Byron Bay main beach car-park circa-’71.

        Might explain a lot.

        Stopped over on surf trips through the years since and seen it morph to what it is now.

        Most folks I know there are doing it tough and would get out if they could.

        My very good mate was in a big financial jam, passing away on the sand after his ritual AM ocean swim; heart attack they say…

        Miss him heaps.

        Now there’s no reason to go there again. Byron Bay is a terribly unwelcoming, fake – and now that I think of it – pretentious place.

        There are some real soulful country coastal towns a couple of hours south, if you have the scratch to buy-in.

        Man, I’m sounding like a sentimental fool.

        RIP Hausie.

      7. My grandad owned 10k of hat head beach up from crescent. I was born in south west rocks. He
        Gave it to national parks

  20. Meet-ups
    Meditation groups /classes
    Joining causes/movements
    Project-based groups (e.g. theater)

    There are so many ways for All the Single Ladies to have fulfilling social lives ???

    I learned this the hard way. The old friendship paradigm doesn’t work for me anymore. The new one of finding love and support through a wide variety of outlets has proven to be much more sustainable and fulfilling. This network has been one example…

    Locally, I joined a meditation class and went to several meet-ups. I have since stared my own charity that serves as a vehicle to create community both locally and online.

    I balance this with online networks such as this group and traditional social media around causes I care about (e.g. women’s education and empowerment). This provides 24/7 access to kindred spirits around the world.

    Blessings and gratitude to you all ???

  21. HOLY SHIT~ are we the same person? 40 in 3 wks, maybe one mate but really other than that not so much. Admittedly i did cut out a lot of cancer BUT that has been years now./.,,

  22. Sending you mass love Friendless @ Forty. You will become the best friend ever through this process as you recognize how valuable friends are in your life. P.S. Ill be your friend. I’m in America.

  23. Timely subject for me, too. Just turned 49 on Jan 31st, sister Aqua, here, and am single, no kids, just focusing on career.
    Have been feeling really lonely the past few months, this feeling comes and goes the past many years now. I don’t have many friends, or a feeling of community, though I know a lot of people. As far as new people, I seem to meet people and be ‘friends’ for awhile, and then they eventually fade out, nothing sticks, kind of the same trajectory as with dating. It’s weird…
    The friends I do have, who are mostly people I’ve known a long time, I don’t see very often, and it’s not necessarily because they’re married or have kids, though that’s probably part of it with some of them.. it just seems to be a function of the stage of life we’re in, as others have mentioned here. My brother expresses the same feeling, of not really having any friends that he can regularly hang out with or feel significantly connected to, and he’s been married 25 years and has 3 kids. I think married with kids people can feel isolated, too.

    I don’t know the answer, what to do about it….. but it sounds like, from the response to this thread, that we’re not alone! I do believe it is a larger trend, and I do believe social media/internet has something to do with it, and people not prioritizing their time and getting distracted by it.

  24. Speaking as a freshly 45 (yest!) year old single, childless woman who just relocated countries and left a community I had been in for 20 years behind, and who STILL meets pretty much everyone in bars, it’s better to meet people through project-oriented things. Start a band, volunteer, etc. Book group is definitely good. Take a class somewhere.

    It’s much better to have friends who have similar interests that you know you would talk to/hang out with sober.

    1. Yes this. There is a risk that when you get over an activity you’ll leave your friends behind but I think it’s a good testing ground to get to know people better. And if you don’t like the people, at least you’ll like what you’re doing.

  25. Wow you are my new role model. Turning 39 in a few weeks and would love to be in your (loneliness notwithstanding) position this time next year.

    Mystic’s advice is brilliant as usual. Sounds like you have evolved way beyond your past friends and they are either jealous or just not relating to your level of growth now. You just need to figure out where to find people who do vibrate at your level now. Start a coven of your own Esoteric/yoga/astro folks. I’d join in a heartbeat if we lived in the same country.

  26. I think geography makes a tremendous difference in developing and maintaining friendships. I live in a small (12 unit) apartment complex. I knew one of the people here slightly, and she let me know when there was an opening. Since moving here. I’ve deepened that friendship and developed a couple more. (We’re all 40-something single women who like scifi.) In spite of being the most introverted of the bunch, I’ve also become the apartment complex greeter, of sorts. You see, I have a cat that I walk on a leash. (He wants out, I don’t want him smushed on the nearby busy road.) Believe me, nothing gets people to strike up a conversation like seeing another person walking a cat. So now I know everyone, which never use to be my thing, but here we are. I’d also second the suggestions above of Meetups. Or starting a book group, if you’re a reader, might be a way to meet people. You get together and talk about a common subject, learn a bit more about the other attendees through their perspectives on the reading, etc. I’ve been in a book group for 20 years now, and that’s turned into some of my best friendships.

  27. FAF,

    Are you interesting enough? What do you do for fun? When’s the last time you learned something new? When’s the last time you stepped out of your comfort zone to the point of pain? I’m not talking about meeting boring broads in Wine 101.

    Life is a lot like exercise, you have to hit it with consistency, zeal, and a little bit of imagination. When the body becomes accustomed to one routine where it no longer responds, what do we do? Pilates is played. Next. Try hot yoga, HIIT, or Tabata. Fuq it, try ’em all. Go broad, go big, get it all.

    So, again, what feeds your passion? Go follow that. Sign up for that! I believe the universe is compelled to respond in kind.

    And realize that you will have false starts like any phase. You’re awesome, healthy, and you know what you want. Isn’t that half the battle?

    One last thing, I don’t believe in recycling old relationships. Trust the universe will send you something bigger and better – and it will!

    Good luck and God Bless.

  28. I’ve had my social life deterioration with many important reasons I had been unaware of, but when it started it was the part where I was losing the ability to online. I had my own battles to fight and the little I was online was “don’t be a bummer” anyway. I fought to get healthy. I ended up totally isolated to preserve that health. But when I tried to “reintegrate” there was this profound sense of “well,maybe not”

    The world I left, maybe 2011, and now,the biggest shift… the Internet used to be a bridge.

    It was where I met people from all over the world since 1994. But when I met them, I’d GO MEET THEM.

    At some point, it seems like everyone moved onto the bridge.

    When I do talk to people on the phone (when they’re on the way to multitask item #42) they talk of feeling overwhelmed and isolated. As Mystic said, I recognize I’m in a somewhat enviable position. I have those freedoms. I’ll skip the part about the collateral damage my freedom fight had, but when I see people react to keeping others out, that it’s truly an atrocity, I’m reminded daily, that we are encouraged to chose four walls, a roof, locks and stare at our phone. And the Internet certainly fills the mental space,
    But hearing laughter, holding a hand, working on a project, planning a new world, those things need our bodies, like we do still, until further notice.

    I’m staying with a 75 year old woman also coming out of her Saturn opposition and we talk regularly about how not being “part of it” is what makes us feel cut off, and feeling cut off and disempowered is exactly what gets us out and spending and striving. We both miss community. But that’s as elusive a term as home or family.

    My favorite times in the past were elusive points of being able to spend time with close friends. Wed plan getting land and having separate little houses nearby but with the bulk of tools and food in a common space.but each time I’d seriously think this was happening (I was raised in a huge family so it seems most natural for me) they would veer towards marriage kid one house job insurance.

    I try to write letters, I’m slow at it still, but I’m trying. But when I get mail that’s like, a letter, telling me a story I am overjoyed. I am intermittently on instagram but my “public persona” should be as utterly divergent from what I would share with my close friends that it seems like I have to put on a mask and not worth it as I’m looking for that, close, trusted, personal.

    I wish it had stayed a bridge, a tool, a connector. That it connected us to our heart people and we could then see them, but mine are hundreds of miles from me, across oceans, separated by my bad typing and cognitive disrupts, and they never see me in my strength, laughing and dancing and learning how to cook for myself. To be embodied with those I could love in this culture would make me feel empowered on a level I can barely imagine, but unless I film it and put it on YouTube it’s mine alone. I genuinely hope you find your people (and that you’re open to who that could look like) We need each other so much right now.

    1. This. 🙂
      I read an article on Planet Waves recently that talked of this, and it had to do with Eris/Uranus and reclaiming our bodies from the internet. I’ll try to find the link.

      1. Thank you for that. I want to think that it doesn’t have to be an either or situation. That by utilizing technology and integrating it with natural existence we’ll be able to keep learning and being aware while staying grounded, utilizing less resources. But I’m a dreamer.

      2. As do I. I try to find the balance. But it is a challenge, as I do find myself getting sucked into the matrix and time passes quickly. Prime example, I have been on my laptop/online for three hours straight this morning already – shouldn’t I go ride my bike now and be in my body for a while? 🙂

      3. On the days I come on here I check on to the phone more often I’m thinking anytime anythings in in Gemini I get a “go actually respond to blogs” alert.

        Since it’sfreezing where I am, I will go do yoga in a,warm room. Bodies and brains.

    2. Oh yes, agree with the land, build separate little houses and common space. I will make this happen. But I’m in SE Australia.

      1. Yep all my peeps are scattered. I’m trying to center my power in myself, then land in the right place.

      1. Thank you, that actually means a great deal to me, that imagery. My soul feels so much less choppy than it used to, so maybe,finally, my communications will flow more that way online, as they do in real life. Thank you

  29. Dear Friendless at 40 – I turned 54 on January 24th. I have been thinking the same thing – WTF? I used to have tons of friends! Boundaries have certainly become more of a factor as I’ve gotten older (Saturn in Aqua, Moon in Cap) and being single without children has had a few married “friends” hiding their husbands in the garage (Gem. rising, Mars in Leo, Venus in Sag).

    But Social Media seems to play the biggest role. It convinces people that they have a giant network of “friends” everywhere they go. I had a friend from High School that I used to talk to all the time tell me that I have to have an iphone to call or text her now. I think this new way of communicating is making us more isolated and most don’t even realize it – yet.

    The best thing I did was adopt a dog. Seriously, I know everyone in my neighborhood and am constantly meeting people.

    1. I think your friend from high school is confused – you can call an iPhone from any phone, smart phone, land line, old nokia. Give them a call 🙂

  30. Happy Birthday fellow 1977 Scorpy rising & Sag moon!

    I’m a Leo Sun with Saturn 10th, Uranus ascendant, and Chiron descendant. Maybe you have similar Uranus and Chiron placements? I have always felt that it was a bit difficult to find my tribe because the vibe I give off is (I’m pretty sure) offstandish and serious. You must be gearing up for the Uranus opposition as well as Jupiter crossing your ascendant. Wow, are you having both at once??

    Perhaps the shift in energy is urging you to find the next level. Marcella commented that we 77s have NN in libra and perhaps we need to initiate those new ways. Speaking of nodes, is Pluto squaring your nodes? I’m dealing with that right now and it’s painful.

    There’s some great advice and ideas commented here. Absolutely be kind to yourself and your present situation while you seek more. Hang in there while Saturn keeps transiting Sag. There’s strength and wisdom in this, but not so much ‘fun’ (Saturn just moved out of orb of my moon in December).

    1. And a thought about friends with children – hanging out with the kids may not be so bad. A playground or park meetup would give the kids a chance to run around while you chat. As a parent, I definitely prefer to hang out without children but waiting until the right timing can take a while.

      1. I agree- sometimes it works out better to squeeze in a little time here and there or be more spontaneous rather than try to plan something more elaborate. 🙂

  31. To actually contribute to the post itself (for a change),
    I’m someone who is mostly really bad at replying to messages and suggestions to catch up. I get there, and I am honest (“I’d like this but I’m just not feeling up for drinks right now”) but I have a psychic delay of some sort and it’s hard to explain. I’ve learnt to be as chill with others being slow to reply as I would like anyone else to be with me.
    I’m wondering if in the past few years a lot of people are actually dealing with the zap zone and that very long 2016 at quite a personal level, and this has meant that we have less room for friendships just now that might not quite strike the right chord. I get how this sounds and I’m only offering what I know, as I’ve been caught up in a pretty depressed & deeply changing place for several years and not coping very well around friends who don’t quite ‘get it’ (and therefore avoiding those friends, but also many other friends too).
    Social media has probably changed things a lot too.
    Mystic ‘s description of Saturn, hahaha yes that could be the culprit. Or a delayed-onset city move condition.
    With Pluto transiting my 7th house and some major shifts to my “routines” (lol) and circles of people, I’ve had to really think about how I relate to others and what kind of friend I am or need to be. And what I have to offer, or simply can’t be for others. Limits and awareness. I know some friends are disappointed in me or have turned away for some reason(s), others I have developed stronger bonds with.
    My circle has shrunk a bit too and lately I have been feeling more keen to get to groups and get togethers where we share a common interest. I’ll go with no expectations because I’ve learnt that kind of fries me, but it’ll be pleasurable anyway because of the common ground.
    All in all I think if we’re kind, and relaxed, in how we connect and also those lovely spontaneous suggestions above, I’m sure soon you will have some lovely and totally new connections blossoming. If you haven’t already, put it out to the universe that you’re building a shiny, beautiful circle of new and old friends.
    Xo

    1. I’ve re-read your note to mystic and realised you probably are already doing all the nice things.
      Hey I just had the idea that you could check your astro-cartography. Maybe something’s hampering your efforts in more esoteric ways.

    2. Related so much to your post Pi, especially the part about giving people understanding because you need understanding!
      Realized the other day how I long for a tribe of rad women to stir shit up with, but that I’m more a friend in ideological theory (venus in aqua/moon in gemini), than of solid substance. I bond over shared political ideas/cultural opinions, but it’s hard to turn that into a sustained emotional connection. I feel like no one really wants to hear about the depression I’m going through, so i don’t share anything, and when I rarely do it’s too weird at the wrong time. Couple this with anxiety abt driving anywhere (there’s no reliable public transportation where I live), going into hermit aloof mode for months, and the close friendships have become a bit sparse. I’m resolving to be a better friend to people in general, not just in abstract tho to combat this situation. What I found interesting in comparing our situations is that I have mars conjunct pluto in 7th house natally. Gotta love astrology connections.

  32. Ha ha just in case i seem all over the blog just now i must say im Mercury-Chiron conjunct in the 5th house of romance, children, affairs, the Arts, pleasure and anything else Leo ruled.

    This is opposed Uranus in Libra 11th house, that exquisite extrasensory sensitivity to others, in t-square to Mars in Capricorn 2nd house. Judgy, judgy. And work-it-girl.

    The Mercury Chiron is also trine my multiconjunct Neptune Jupiter Moon in 12th conjuncting my Sagittarius Ascendant ON Antares.

    A tad sensitive, a dash introvert and occasionally going to quiet war on social ridiculousness. If you don’t mind, right? Oh if you do mund, tbat Mercury Chiron conjunct is in Aries so no if you mind i don’t mind a bit. Especially since it opposes Uranus. And squares Mars. All slicing swords, apparently, and I’ve been more circumspect in print than in face and word. Pisces says sorry. The rest of me not on a high horse just shrugs.

    1. Interesting, I imagine if Odysseus was around now he would have your Astrology, 😀
      Am reading the Illiad to my 8 year old at the moment and really taken with it, as is he.
      Odysseus is cunning, smart, thoughtful, Mercurial and tough. A scrappy, martial, fire-starting weaver of verbal magic. He is a ‘does not have time for yr crap today’ kind of person. But a profound Piscean sense of what drives people.

      1. Oh love i imagine he also has very different parenting.

        My own folks did read me the Iliad …actually now i come to think of it i think it was a libran brief lover of aquama, currently unacknowledged, but i know amongst my feely feels i thought i should read it properly later. Of course now i have greek in laws and am just flying by the seat of my pants.

        I hope your boy is loving your reading enough that he wiill come back to it if he feels he missed something later. He’ll just be looking at your reading face with love and thoughts and miss some of the story, you know xxxx

      2. Aww! We are drawing pics of the many characters as we go as he has trouble recalling the names.
        He is blushing at my depiction of Aphrodite lol and scornful of my depressed looking Briseis. I might have to do some better drawings for him! He is getting a good understanding i think, when I was read it by my dad he so enjoyed the sound of his own voice he didn’t care to explain much, so I try to involve him in it. Greek in-laws sound fun! Glad to hear that your mum brought some good peeps into yr life as well Xoxo

      3. Great idea! I’m going to go dig out my copy of the Iliad. My husband read aloud Lord of the Rings to our son when he was 5 as a bedtime story. He loved it.

      4. Yes! I should do the opposite and do Lord of the Rings next. 😉 The Illiad is great for boys (& girls!) it’s like a lesson in how to be honourable and courageous under pressure. He is quite shocked by all the enslaving tho. 😯

      5. You’d probably love David Maloufs take on the Iliad called Ransom. Brilliant !
        It doesn’t cover the whole story of course, just the journey to get the sons body and return it home. Highly recommend!

    2. Oh and for astro newbies or others who don’t know, Chiron on the 5th is like painful ongoing wounding to your pleasure and fun. Big lessons.

      Because friendship is first and foremost, like love, pleasure and fun and creative.

      And in my case, hard won lessons and loving.

      We might not go into my Saturn square Venus trine Uranus here ok? Or the Uranus mutual reception Venus in 11th and 3rd ok? Just imagine a very happy aquarian slut who needed her bitch, then a very happy Taurean bitch of the realm who needed her Empress of the free mind back. Hope you all enjoyed Saturn square Venus. Geez spare a thought!

    3. Interesting – is your Merc/Chiron on/near Eris, I wonder?

      I also have Neptune in the 12th – in Scorpio – parallel Venus/Jupiter in Scorp (those are nearby in the 11th though). My Merc/Mars conjunction in Virgo, as well as Pluto in Virgo (conj early Libra sun), are square my Ascendant in Sagg – needless to say sometimes I can come across as having a big ol’ mouth but the introverted part of me shudders at this. I try to find the balance. I chalk it up to the fact that most introverts are hypersensitive to stimuli (I also have Uranus in Libra, conj Sun) and vibes from other people, and just need to find time to disconnect and let it go.

      1. Everyone born since 1930 ish has Eris in Aries. Just sayin, she’s at 23 deg or about now. Maybe you libran Uranus folk have been having a lengthy opposition ? She’s been on my sun in Aries for years.

      2. Also this whole 40 something thread could be discussing the effects of the Uranus opposition transit. It’s a very important time for peeps.

      3. Yeah, my Sagg asc is at odds with most of my other planets. Nept in Scorp like you, as well as Moon in Cancer/8th house, plus Pluto in Virgo at the top of my chart–I’m all tingly all the time with other people’s stuff even as I’ve put a lot of effort into all manner of grounding/boundary practices, one forgetful moment and I’m inundated. Happened yesterday.

        I fear my mouth, it pulls up shit that irritates people all the time. Especially in groups, like I channel exactly what will annoy everyone the most.

        With Saturn in Sagg I have learned the power and gift of being a hermit. I trust my hermit mode.

        Anyway, your chart and your thoughts resonated with me. Thank you.

      4. Oh, that’s awesome, the Eris/NN. Blaze it up, FireTryin’! I also have moon in Cancer in the 8th, trine the Neptune in Scorp in the 12th. Does that give, like, superhuman psych/intuitive abilities or what? I’m always having to defrag other people’s stuff that I pick up. Super sensitive to all stimuli on all planes. Hermiting helps me as well.

  33. Very timely post! I’ve been feeling this for a while too. Saturn is now across my ascendant (20 Sag) but will be retrograding back basically the rest of this year. It is inconjunct both my natal moon (27 Can) and natal Saturn (22 Tau) so, yah, it’s triggering some angst. This Leo eclipse will be trine it so I’m hoping for a rut-busting weekend.

    I am 46, divorced, 2 kids under 14, and go through bouts of loneliness. Online dating straight up sucks. The last guy I met who was in my actual city unabashedly wanted only a revenge hookup to spite his soon-to-be ex-wife (he wasn’t even divorced yet) for dumping him for another man. Yeah, no. I do have a few friends who I can reliably hang out with when I feel up to it, but honestly after my week as a single parent simultaneously working full time at a drudgery government job has ended, all I want to do anyway is nest at home by myself anyway. And yes, married couples shun the single ladies like the Black Death.

    And for good reason: I can’t tell you how many married dudes get turned on by me. That is not a brag but honest frustration and annoyance. I think they see me as the embodiment of some marital escape fantasy (is this a Lilith thing? I have it on my SN… Neptune in Scorp in the 12th? Wtfk), and all men have this fantasy. All of them.

    The married/seriously coupled girlfriends I have also have very little time for me, and I think that is due to a lack of free time since life is parceled out into work/sleep/relationship/kids and not much else. I get it – I was married once too.

    Mostly I relish my alone time. But I do miss having a good partner sometimes. I am diving headlong into spiritual practice, getting my butt back to the gym, witching up my house (just saged and salted last night after a thorough cleaning), and trying to work on my shadow stuff. I wish some of you were in Florida – I think there is a majority of Aussies on this blog, no? – I’d love to meet up with some of you! We could have a monthly Mystic Meetup for dinner/drinks. 🙂

      1. I’m in North Florida but get up to Atlanta often (used to live there – family/friends still there, may live there again someday but who knows). Where I am there are not a whole lot of astro witches.

      2. It’d be so fun to meet up IRL- I’m not really in a traveling season of life right now but if I find myself gearing up for a trip down the seaboard I will be in touch!! 😀 May I just say, right now the prospect of being someplace warmer sounds marvelous- we’re back in a cold snap after the January thaw! x

      3. ATLANTA!! Home of The Atlantic Rhymn Section.
        ‘Spooky’ a favourite track that came out while i was full of life & joy (pre-Saturn on my total Sagginess).

      4. Oh and I hear that… Just wrapped up Saturn return and now he’s squaring my sun… Sigh!

      5. Omg I love Maine! So beautiful!

        Looks like we are evenly spaced out over the east coast: FL, PA, and ME!

  34. Weird, I was just thinking about stuff like this last night. Saturn is transiting my 3rd right now and am def seeing how I’m having to work harder, put more effort into connecting to my (new in some ways) community. I’m dealing with recognizing and dealing with ancient, negative thought paradigms around social stuff as well.

  35. Noting the Astrology of the day, I think your unleashing the baggage and tossing it to the curb is really interesting, also MM posting it tonight.

    Like, I don’t think there is more resilient and independent Astro than Sun in Aqua (rebel), Moon in Gem (cool), Merc in Cap (perspective), Venus/Mars in Aries (self-explanatory), Jupes in Libra (partners & friends) and Saturn in Saggi (crushing the dreams of bouncy, adorable, friendly puppies the world over).

    For my part I am extrovert and get lonely easily, yet I also have Moon in Scorpio (which Saturn drove over with a truck, then a jackhammer and finished by bombing to oblivion recently) so I can withdraw like a crustacean.

    Anyway, nuclearly, I am so tired, my babies shattered my physical & the tribulations they bring, while unequal to the immense joy, has shown me the lighter side of nothing less than slavery.

    I have moved about a lot too, so I kind of missed a relationship building decade before doing the s.m.u.g. (ie. so mired in the unbelievable grind) and married thing.
    (I do have single female friends who are the best supports and I deeply appreciate and who come out alone with Hub and I btw).

    Personally for me the times I have felt deeply lonely have often been when I am not doing anything to connect with Spirit.
    Spirit for me being the personalised voice of the conscious invisible sea around us and in us. When we are connected by meditating and chatting to that Sea we can’t be alone as we technically… aren’t.

    Would it be Jehovah Witnessy to suggest connecting with Source? (I love JH’s knocking on my door btw, I do unnerve them a bit, like I will so G-D BOTHER you here and now! ).

    Anyway, apart from the sage suggestions of study, meet-ups, developing a smug-o-meter and so forth, my suggestion would be getting more deeply into You. It’s the opportunity of several lifetimes!
    I believe you are a magnet for love.
    Sorry if this useless to you! It’s just my take. Wishing you lots of warmth and sweetness and hugs!

  36. I’m sympathetic – the older we get, the harder it is to make *new* friends – some people just get stuck in life/career/family ruts and don’t have the time or energy to devote to expanding their social circles. It’s nobody’s fault, but it can certainly be frustrating.

    A 23 degree Aquarius sun puts you in prime alignment to capitalize off the Jupiter/Uranus opposition. This is great energy for finding a “crew” that’s less flaky and that shares more harmonious beliefs/views/philosophies. Go to meetup.com (Uranian energy always favors digital consciousness) and peruse a few groups that center around your hobbies & creative pursuits. With a continued application of effort (Saturn in sextile to your Sun) and more patience, you should hit a payoff relatively soon. It will still take time so don’t expect to see results right way, but I would set a more reasonable timetable of 6-8 months with the variety of astro factors in play because Saturn always rewards consistent effort.

    The other thing I would gently advise is to keep an eye on that Mars/Mercury conjunction. At less than a degree from exact and likely in the 3rd H to boot, it’s apt to be very verbally straightforward and while there is nothing wrong with that some people may occasionally experience it as jarring/shocking – this IS Aquarius energy we’re talking about, after all. And your chart is mostly Fire & Air, so already pretty Yang. Venus is preparing to Return and retrograde over your natal Venus may be saying that if you want to “win friends and influence people”, it might not hurt to tame the fire a wee bit & soften the approach – remember that Venus is debilitated here, and we need her charms & grace to attract people to us.

    Happy Solar Return, and best of luck. Remember that you are not truly friendless and that a large part of this is just the result of being a “stranger in a strange land”. You are an Aquarius, so I have every confidence you’ll be able to find your “tribe” in due time <3

    1. Yes! “You are not truly friendless”. I did this vision meditation where I asked my higher self to show me why I was so alone (I felt) in this life. In a visual-feeling sort of answer, I got the image of a million friends made over a million incarnations all shouting out their warm feelings for me.
      I always feel like we are icebergs with just a little tip jutting into the frequency bandwidth of this reality. We are immense and powerful energies! But God you feel heavy and tiny when you are in these isolating meat suits.

      Also the 23 degree thing – Saturn in Scorpio has been in exact square and eclipsing over and full mooning over that degree last year relentlessly. I know as my Moon is 23 deg Scorp.

      1. Ahh this resonates so much. My Neptune is at 28 Scorp (in 12th) and took such a beating for a few years there with Saturn transiting (I also have Jupiter/Venus in Scorp so the whole time Saturn was in or near Scorpio I felt it), and I’m still recovering from it. Also my natal Saturn is at 22 Taurus so it was a Saturn opposition. Doesn’t help that it’s now over my Ascendant, but yes, I feel it is a sign that I am now leveling up. Things are much easier now, honestly, with Saturn in Sagg than it was in Scorpio, just no comparison to the depth of the pain there. I feel for you with your Moon there.

        I did a solo ceremony last night and asked for guidance re this, so that I can be reinvigorated and inspired toward my passion and creativity, and bust out of this rut/stuck feeling. I’ve also had a problem lately with my hip and I think it all centers around stiff/stuck hip flexors so I’m recommitting to stretching those daily too. Louise Hay indicates that hip stuckness and life stuckness go hand in hand. Working toward unsticking overall.

      2. Yes I feel you with the Saturn issues, Moon is killer! Heart felt empathy to multi Scorps for last year!!
        Yes but right now Saturn is over my NN and I am hibernating in many senses, especially with work.

        I had a plasma/cortisone injection in my hip a few weeks back. Very painful and that night I sobbed. I then realised how deep my fear is for my not-very-verbal-just-turned-7 Cappy Boppy boy. Moving forward, as you say, as he gets older and what if something happens to me? That is one thing related to or concurrent with my hip pain emotionally speaking I think.

        Jupiter/Venus in Scorp is quite a combo btw, how did Saturn’s transit there impact you?

      3. It was gut wrenching and coincided with my divorce from a very disordered man (bully/control freak/narcissist/sociopath) and I walked away with a profound case of PTSD, though I am much closer to the healing side of that now than I was 3-4 years ago when it all started. I’m experiencing Saturn in Sagg now (just crossed my ASC at 20 and will retro back and forth all year) as like having a case of bad PMS, while the Saturn on Scorpio was more like having a forced amputation with no anesthesia. Still sucks, but it’s been much worse and I’m happy to be on the other side of it.

        I was semi-diagnosed by an ortho doc with a labral tear in my hip cartilage, though I elected to not do an MRI because he told me that unless I am incapacitated there is not much he can do for me. Scope surgery, he says, doesn’t give great results for hips, though it does for shoulders and knees. So, I’m hoping to strengthen my glutes and abs and keep stretching and find ways to work around it, and if it gets bad enough I’ll either try the surgery or just wait until I qualify for a total hip replacement, which I hear has excellent results and much easier recovery times compared to the scope labral repair surgery. Do you have a torn labrum as well? It sounds like it, with the injections you received. I’m curious what you are dealing with there and how you are approaching healing.

        I am also hyper aware of my health and “keeping myself alive and vital” for my two kids (daughter 13 and son almost 10), since I am the one providing for the lion’s share of their emotional and financial-based care. It is weird to watch myself get older while they are still so young and I see it is harder for me to keep up with them now.

  37. “I don’t think this is a transit. It is a social trend. This is official. I have read several articles in legit media of late discussing this. It’s apparently to do with social media, people narrowing their social focus as they get older and (when i find this article i will link to it) women in married units isolating stray single women for fear you will attempt to nab their hubby.”

    yes.

    i am about a decade older, and could still have written the OP verbatim. add to this the fact that i don’t drink so … even less venues for 3D social interaction.

    there are great suggestions for getting out there and meeting people. but, as previously mentioned, we have come to a place where we have become empowered enough to just say no to other people’s drama and bullshit. i can only speak to my own experience, but i cannot tolerate souls who are not on a journey of conscious co-creative self-improvement with source energy.

    couples, are couples, parents, are parents, there’s not space left to find enough commonality to sustain relationships with singles/non parents.

    there are so fewer people immersed in dysfunctional marriages/LTRs because they say, you know what, this isn’t working, let’s not do this anymore, rather than get and stay married for 60 years because it’s just what you do.

    i’m sorry i can’t offer better advice for resolving your situation. but i felt called to at the very least reinforce the fact that you’re not alone in your solitude. if that helps. at all.

    i don’t fancy spending the rest of my life like this. but i console myself with the fact that the only thing that never changes is that everything always changes. hopefully we’ll trend back to deeper connections, and more community going forward.

    1. hmmmm and so Mystic says to look to Saturn … saturn is in Sag, and I have a natal Sag moon/3rd with natal saturn in aquarius/5th, so i’m thinking this is ramping up my isolation, and bail tendencies. people start to get close and all of a sudden i need a lot of me time. if i didn’t own a home i can’t sell, i would have moved at least 3 times over in the last 10 years. so, in lieu of going rogue gypsy, i hide in the house binging netflix and refusing to be social. and then i get over it and wonder where everyone went in my absence.

      i need to find my passion. i checked the meetups,and they were all, meh. i don’t like long term commitments, yet i always want people around for me when i crawl out of my wanderlust or isolation modes.

      maybe when saturn moves out of sag, and my moon calms things will get better? i have had massive social phases, surrounded by friends and lovers (lotsa scorp) but right now? no. nothing. zip. zilch. nada.

      1. i also find it ironic that for whatever reason, i can’t even seem to connect here. with people who clearly have a common interest, albeit i am just a newb.

        i’m starting to think i am just an asshole who should stay home, off the internet and never try to speak to anyone else, ever again. ha!

      2. Whoa there 🙂 I really like your comments. Half the time it’s like “oh this is cool, ah right it’s cleveruserID nice” (btw love the name 😀 )
        It sounds like you’re riding out the last of that Saturn sadge scorp transit as you described.
        Sometimes I feel the same about internet fails. But hey. We’re still here. Stick around kid xx

      3. What are you saying – I love your comments!!
        Personally – if i have nothing else to offer to a comment, then i usually don’t respond – but you are def one i like to read.

        Mystic tried having *like* boxes for a short while – but i think this might tend to put some people off commenting – as the whole thing tends to become a bit competitive and less real or informal, perhaps? I did notice that it became a bit stilted and less conversational. Anyways, keep on scribing, CUID! xx

      4. Clever you are a pleasure to read – I just barely get time to get on here like I used to but I resonate with your thoughts and enjoy yr comments – you are appreciated!

      5. so i came back to mock myself, and found you all being so heart-rendingly kind!!! THANK YOU! ? ? ? just, wow.

        now here’s the mocking:

        i was literally staring at my chart as if the mere act of doing this could WILL saturn out of sag, when i see peripherally, well phuq!!! i thought lilith was out of scorp. nope. not till 13-Feb apparently. and here i am with natal lilith in scorp, AND neptune (plus venus and mars, oy). my natal saturn in aqua is SQUARE neptune and lilith. and the sun is currently transiting …. my natal saturn in aqua …. BWAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

        so there’s still some challenges ahead, especially till saturn clears sag, but once lilith moves out of scorp, i think things will feel a whole lot less intense and blocked. and maybe i will stop channeling sexual tension with chocolate croissants.

        i don’t know, maybe i am way off base, but the shite show that is everything i have all clumped together in scorpio, with lilith still transiting there, well, i’d like to have her off those planets if my life since May has been any indication of how her influence has manifested. to come full circle back to the OP. May 2016 is precisely when my social life died and i have been draining the swamp ever since.

        good googly moogly!

      6. OMFG I forgot about Lilith. I reckon she’s pinging my Neptune about now then. I wondered about that… will be nice to see how it feels when she’s in Sagg.

      1. And operating at a conservative fqn job for the biggest corrupt fqer of them all, in promotional position, and influencing the young at random locations near you.

        Shhhhhh! Please baby shhhhhh!

        Cos god knows the young people don’t. And they never reference haha. Unless it’s yeezy 🙂 Stealth bombs all the way, and for however long it takes. Saturn in Taurus 6th house, Mars in Capricorn 2nd. Shit…empty 8th in Kataka and no planets in Scorpio ruled 12th.

      2. West, Kanye. Gold Digger, in: “Late Registration”, Def Jam Recordings, New York. 2005.

        (I’m sure this is wrong but the attempt was fun lol)

  38. OMGosh… great post!! It is definitely in the water: “lack of friends”… I was just saying to others recently how I don’t have any friends. I try to reach out to them via txt, then maybe phone call and it doesn’t work. It’s the same with men. Why date when texting can manage the interacts and they can hide… and just like friends.

    I am a Virgo Sun, Libra rising with Leo Moon so with Libra and Leo present I have some confidence in being around people. My Virgo might be the one who can simply walk away.

    It is a trend. I need to read more about what Mystic said if when this trend will end. It is hard to accept. I keep looking at myself and thinking because I am single, no children and I travel a lot that people don’t like me because it is not socially acceptable.

    1. I would also like to suggest going out alone. Go to one of your favorite places and see what happens. Each day / night becomes an adventure as you meet knew people. Some people will stay in your life and others are people who pop in and then leave but you had a great time chatting with / handing with for a couple of hours. I have done this a lot and it has now become my path for socializing. Some days I am not in the mood and I don’t meet anyone and others times I meet amazing people who have a story. I have meet a gazillion guys and although nothing fell into place as in a “date” it was still a great time talking to them. Most times they just wanted to get laid. I turn the channel immediately when I get that vibe.

      Good Luck! I hope this social trend changes because I do want friends I can go out with once in a while.

      1. Fascinating — my man is a Virgo Sun, Leo Moon, Libra Rising just like you and he loves to go out alone and meet strangers.

  39. Hi I am skimming all the incredibly rich comments above to say two things Right Now omg.
    Mystic’s first para totally triggered me: i have been the ostracised one from the smug marrieds friends.
    Also
    Mystic I think the Scandinavian word you’re looking for is “hygge” hahahahahaa

    1. (Is a Danish concept that people froth about and buy very expensive candle holders and handwoven knee rugs and drink hot chocolate from generously proportioned mugs held with both hands while gazing into the eyes of their beloved as the wholesome circle of non-threatening but intimate, old dear friends laugh happily at an unspecified joke. This softly lit scene is filmed from outside a snow-dusted windowsill)

      1. Oh god i havent even looked it up but may the fly-agaric soaked urine drunk by nordic shamans who may or may not be the pre-christian versions of santa piss all over those smug ikea marrieds from all countries! Amen! Slunje!

      2. 😀
        Not sure. I have 4th house deprivation issues so for me an Ikea catalogue is something that should be listed as an instrument of psychological torture. “All this domestic perfection and you can’t have it mwahaha”

      3. haha have you seen that new shop called The Kooples? Maybe dutch or nordic.

        It is exactly that. Complete with advertising huge billboards of ‘cute’ couples of all (white) varieties

      4. Oh I fucking hate that so much for the exact reasons you described. BLANDNESS PTY LTD the dark side of Scandinavia

      5. (Only because it triggers my clique alarm in a massive way. Hence actual spelling out of swear words)

      6. I must have died at the hands of a tightly-knit group of people in a past life. Pluto in Libra opposite eris, mars in aqua 8tj house square Jupiter Lilith in 11th house. Whether I had it coming or not is another question lol.

      7. Its more the whole ‘unless you’re married or in a couple you’re an unloveable loser or weirdo’ vibe I always get from that couple/family advertising of the ‘perfect’ family or romance — it’s supposed to make single people feel bad I think. Conservativism / status quo / mind control at its worst. Exemplified by smug codependent couples

    2. The married thing was a critical mass situation I think. One of the last guys to get married hooked up with someone who loved getting “all the couples together” so yes. Anyway, they’re divorced now. Ironic I guess. It just seems so strange to me, are we friends or aren’t we? Part of me was wondering if it was Australian parochialism in full effect but I think everyone gets a bit protective of (presumably) hard-won relationship stability, fair enough I guess, who am I to tell someone how they should be socialising ( 🙁 ) athough I have met couples who I describe as outward-facing, it seems that trust is huge in the dynamics and the personalities involved

      1. More like getting all the couples together to commiserate. War stories. Each of the genders in a marriage like that get stereotyped affectionately, then ripped apart with group (gendered) smiles. So disrespectful and so no wonder they didn’t last. Poor things. They couldn’t overcome familial/tribe expectations to be themselves. That’s why they aren’t married anymore.

        Some others go it alone with self identity then realise they are abusive or boring or something else unable to fluidly deal with life.

      2. As a *smug married person*, there is nothing that depresses me more than the thought of hanging out exclusively with other smug married people….omg GAG!….and yes Trust is the everything. If you can’t trust your partner to resist the charms of another single woman – then there’s not much hope for your marriage anyway. I revel in the fact that my dearest (and single) women friends get on with my partner & form part of our own extended family of renegades, misfits and even (gasp) normals.

      3. Thank you for your sanity 🙂
        It’s probably a bit mean to say people who have found lasting love, mutual respect, commitment and stability in the arms of another are “smug”. It’s just a few bad apples who give the rest of you a bad name 🙂

      4. Yes me too! Many of our friends are single. Partly as they are the only ones who can fit our weird schedules or um.. bespoke personalities.
        We look smug compliant but in reality we feel like bagpipes at a flute concert at some social functions.

      5. LOL – fantastic analogy! I know exactly what you mean. But I love bagpipes. Maybe that’s why i wanted punk gypsy bagpipes & accordion at our marriage shin dig.

      6. Yes, a mere mention of a couples get together results in me breaking out in hives. It’s a strange concept of becoming one person instead of two complimentary ones. And an assumption that everyone will get along simply because of a shared couple status.

  40. 12th house Virgo

    I woke up with crushing loneliness the other morning. I couldn’t remember why I had to wake up or if my daughter was with me (she is with her dad half time) but the feeling passed in a breath. I’m 42.

    The married couples preferring to socialize with couples or single men is a thing. I was married once. The shift was dramatic.

    Enticing people over with free food and drinks works. Although I usually end up observing more than interacting, it is still nice to have the people around and to see people you suspect may like each other get along. But if you start asking them to bring stuff they flake out. No one wants to do the planning or commit to a plan.

    But I think this is normal now. For lots of us.

    This age for me is when any friend is a friend. Younger or older – the net is bigger than it was when I was 20. I can enjoy a wider range of people now.

    1. Yes i could connect in my twenties with a recently homeless prostitute who had a lesbian lover to mitigate the pain of men including the one who broke her 4 yr old’s arm. She was beautiful, damaged and interesting with her choices and chapters ahead of her. Is that what i miss?

      Yes i did. How unsubtle i was in my listening then, though. And still can be. And still recall these past friends when i hear limited views, and still arc up on their behalf.

      How nice and incredibly warming it is to hear the stories of older people whose lifestyles i don’t share but who also want to listen. This is the age difference and the people are much broader in range, tho at first or second glance they seem grey-haired and conservative.

      It’s also ageism. We’ve grown up with it, absorbed it, and show it. To ourselves, first and foremost. I would like to make it clear that i think ageism is one of the things i have to overcome . As a chick first with myself. And with other chicks too. This has been the forging of true comfort in some of my moments for me. I don’t think the men seem to hang back because i don’t dye my hair, either. But that’s another tale.

  41. Unicorn Sparkles

    Have been through bouts of this throughout life. I always put it down to Aqua aloofness or perception of snobbery due to introverted manner. Plus I have a tendency to go socially awol for sometimes months when I can’t deal with people.

    But I was always the single friend. Noticed in my 30’s that the child weighted women at work would openly ostracise me because lacking in spawn meant I couldn’t relate to their burdens.

    When I finally did couple and have a child, I suddenly could no longer socialise unless it involved other children being there and the location having a play area. My invites were reduced to this…

    So thank the universe for my single, childless friend. She brought me back to sanity. Becoming a parent sent me to a dark place. I felt like I no longer existed. Everything was about the child. And don’t get me wrong, my child is everything to me. But how can I be a strong parent when I have ceased to exist as an individual.

    I hated that my available conversation subjects were limited to puke, poo and developmental milestones.

    My single friend has been a huge positive and we can exchange 200 texts in a day about the weirdest subjects. We often catch up at short notice for random activities. Laugh at how crazy the world is and compare our grey hair and wrinkle dispersal ratios.

    Yes, the dynamic is a little altered due to little person nap/feed/baby sitter unavailability. But I would never ignore a call or a message.

    This has been a very long winded way of saying – if peeps aren’t returning your calls cut them loose. Make way for ones who will.

    1. “200 texts in a day about the weirdest subjects”

      No i don’t believe your conversation subjects were limited at all. You LISTENED and riffed off what you heard. That’s a friend xx

  42. Well, I’m in my early 50’s so different from turning 40. But I will give it a go from what I have experienced in past few years. Married people do have a tendency to do social things with other married or coupled people. Then if they have children, so much of their social revolves around the children. Even if they are out to dinner with me and the teenager is 2 miles away there is the text messaging between parent and child. It just seems all of the parent’s life focuses on the child. Some focus is quite healthy for both parent and child but not all.

    I also personally found that I started discerning the quality of my friendships in my 40’s. The people that were really present by truly showing up. Be it listening or physically showing up. It was a very painful time of letting go of many relationships that I had been the full-time caretaker of. I found it a bit less painful if I imagined it as a garden being tended by pulling out weeds to plant new better serving plants. The Universe abhors a vacuum and if I was open to receiving then came other friends.

    I had to really open my eyes to opportunities that were there that I was not seeing. Forced myself to start saying “yes” to the smallest of things. Which eventually lead to bigger opportunities. I also decided to follow my curiosity anywhere it lead to and to not let me having to do it alone stop me. Met a lot of people that way and had some great adventures.

    From what you described it immediately reminded me of Saturn being in my house of relationships. It just FINALLY left after 2 1/2 years aka centuries there. It was painful and confusing time for me to learn my lessons in romantic relationships. Wonder if this is happening to you with your friendships.

    The only other thought is taking a good hard but not a critical beat myself up look at yourself with your therapist’s help to see how you might be creating your friendship world. What I brought and did in romantic relationships was Saturn huge lesson for me to learn in my fallow 2 1/2 years.

    1. Yes i know that i had to assess my subliminal friendship expectations along with or more likely after assessing my romantic nature. Attachment styles…you might have more than one.

  43. Sorry to buck the trend but I’m early forties and though I’m nowhere near as social as I used to be I still do OK. Yeah I lost some friends to babies but that doesn’t last forever and they’re by and large the kind of mums who would rather talk about what’s going on in the world than about their kids nonstop. I have old friends that I still keep in touch with and I make an effort to cultivate new ones. I’ve found that I’ve made most of my friends through physical activities – dance classes and other fun social things like that.

    It might be too that most of my close female friends consider themselves feminists so female friendship is a priority. Plus we’ve all realised that romantic relationships tend to have an expiry date that friendships outlast. Hmm maybe this is the time that you assess your values around friendship. Is it just about having a posse to hit the town with or is it about knowing that your friend has your back and you have hers? Not to say that you can’t have both, but maybe once you figure out the qualities that you miss you might get a sense of how you ended up here and how to get out of it. Good luck and have fun!

    1. I feel im doing ok now too. But i have had to go through this feeling. Did you ever have that? Your past comments over time have always showed some quiet depth, so if u dont mind, can you remind me of your astro? Im thinking houses as well as planets, the ones that speak of our connections and self esteem.

      1. I’m glad you’re doing well Milleunanotte. I really appreciate your comments on this site. And I do get that feeling but I think I did my loneliness in reverse. I was the kid with no or very few friends, and I moved cities by myself when I was 16. I didn’t really find my people until I was in my mid 20s and then it was a social explosion until my late thirties (this coincided with my progressed Venus moving into Aqua). Lately I have less acquaintances but the real friends stayed and they’re all friends that I went through a lot with. I have a loaded 11th house – Sun, Jupiter, Mercury across Aqua and Pisces; Mars in my 2nd in Taurus; Uranus in Libra 7th. Saturn sits on my south node; Terpsichore on the North. I realise the 11th gives me an unfair advantage but I think my long stint proving it wrong is how I came to really value my friendships. And that’s how my friends feel too – even the ones who got married and have kids. I might add thought that noone who got married (myself included) thought of that as their primary goal in life, so that probably helped.

    2. “Plus we’ve all realised that romantic relationships tend to have an expiry date that friendships outlast.”

      Word.

  44. a couple of things spring to mind whilst reading your story, and I empathise with you and feel your sense of being lost, but what came to me is also the saying often bandied about in the career/parenting discourse thrown mostly at women, that you can have it all but not all at once. I do agree that each of us has only a limited capacity for everything and so energy flows towards different priorities at some time, and shifts at others.
    You have accomplished some life goals that elude others and vice versa, and in my experience now that you have opened up to the universe that you are willing and ready to direct energy towards friendships again, I bet this will become more fulfilling, old friends and new.
    For me, some might dismiss me as a smug married and mock the “cocoon” we have created but really, we are each navigating through our complex selves and others and all of our needs/ fears and hang ups, and doing the best we can.

    1. I absolutely feel your comments, especially about energy levels, and your balancing way to view your own accomplishments (including the opportunities for those).

      Not all marrieds are smug. Or locked in to a little world. Just busy 🙂

      I’m willing to bet (jupiter in sag, merc in aries) you have friends or good acquaintances who are single. And are ever open to those folk, regardless of whether you have the time to keep catching up. I’m learning to be more open in those mini chats to folk like yourself, and the amazing perspective they give you on a busy day xx

      1. I am lucky enough to have a mix of friends and my closest confidante is single-ish. I have also learned as I get older – early 40s – that I value and respect one’s privacy more. The deep and meaningfuls are more supportive than gossipy, but Pisces Sun, Gem Rising – I do love to hear a good story …
        I agree with the other comments that there is a social shift in general towards more insular lives, and some of my (and my hubby’s) great friends are single and we can’t understand why…

  45. You know it was going thru this exact thing for the first time (yes, it keeps resurfacing but you learn so much from your own heartache) that i found the Mystic Medusa blog.

    Now that’s got to be a reward! Wow seven years on i think and i have this site in my blood, tho dont comment as much as then. (I was chronically ill.)

    Saturn does hard aspects in 7 year cycles, i just checked. Wow why am i so not surprised. Did, um, Saturn Shit lead me to Mystic??? Whoah nelly.

    1. Plus i met a flesh and blood mate here. Hello Centaurus babe! Im back from overseas and will b in touch soon xxx

      1. God, we read so much about each other right here on this blog. I really feel i know some of your complex self. I certainly know you rock and are a real woman, not a shadow in the internet ether xxxx

      2. Hello gorgeous! I have barely been reading the blog lately so all I can deduce is the cosmic ring was heard and responded to.

        Looking forward to catching up too! xx

        I think my curiosity was also piqued here. It is a thing and a thing that many experience. I wonder if it’s symbolic of the age of Aquarius. Yes, sure that’s super high level and doesn’t consider the myriad of personal experiences it can translate into, my own included but the flavour seems about right.

  46. Tis indeed a societal trend… And the challenges increase as you age and remain childless and single. Community choir, activism and being neighbourly all help…… Find other passions to support…. When its not about you but wider concerns things can flow.

  47. I identify with a lot of this, even though I’m younger than you (28, and therefore theoretically in the prime of my fun socialite years…) I moved from the city I’d lived for four years in 2013 and since then have been almost entirely friendless with the exception of colleagues (and I am very lucky that I do get on well with the people I work with). I work shifts which means I don’t have many free weekends and evenings. Sometimes I am so lonely I experience it physically as a sort of crushing sensation on my chest.

    Most of the friends I do have (who live on the other side of the country) as well as acquaintances such as colleagues, family members of a similar age etc. are happily coupled up and planning families. I have been single for almost my entire life and don’t see that changing any time soon because my job and lack of social life prevents me from meeting people, and the idea of online dating and wading through unsolicited dick pics gives me the heebie-jeebies.

    I find it curious that Mystic points to Saturn as a possible culprit to this – I have massive amounts of Capricorn in my chart, could that have something to do with my predicament?

    Anyway, FAF, I hope you find joy and companionship soon. I took a writing course just over a year ago and now volunteer for a women’s writing charity, and it has helped me immensely. I definitely think finding a passion you can share with others could help you out x

  48. I have moved to a new town because I wanted to go to University. I am 54, recently widowed, and totes understand the “single woman not welcome” dynamic in some circles.
    My current solution is to have a Valentines Dinner for single women.
    The list so far includes
    – a neighbour I met who is also widowed,
    – my real estate agent that I bought the house from
    – the doctor”s receptionist
    – a uni friend
    – the co-ordinatir of my Uni course
    – the girl at the bank
    – me
    I am hoping to meet one more woman as 8 is a good number for a dinner party.
    So far, the reaction has been, “that’s the craziest idea I have heard in a long time, I’ll be there and what would you like me to bring?”
    These have all been face-to-face invites. It’s what we used to last century, when I was young.
    Happy 14 February!
    Tina ?

      1. Excellent fun. So much so that one of the GALantine ladies has decided to have a dinner party at her house in a month. And so have the others.
        Which should be even more fun.
        Remember Louise Hay – “What you give, returns to you multiplied”.
        Totally worth the effort.
        ?A very happy Valentines Dinner.

    1. Bang on. Dinner party for randoms who stand a top chance of being awesome is like a dream evening for me. (Gemini rising, Jupiter in 11th house Taurus)

    2. i love this. i think i need to do this. i know many many single women. “know”, but am not friends with. maybe i need to start taking the lead. i’ve come to loathe valentines’s day. either i am single, or in a relationship that’s not working, i have S.A.D. and february usually has me just starting to come out of my funk again. this could be a stellar way to turn it around. thank you for the birll idea.

    3. Great work. I’m also organising a single women’s self love valentines party — spontaneously happened when a single friend posted about organising val day deliveries for ppl, and feeling a bit wistful about knowing she wasn’t getting anything from a loved one / partner. So I msg’d her let’s have a self love single women’s champagne on Feb 14.

      I’m sure we’ll get a few more recruits !

  49. Heya all … I’ve been absent for awhile organising wedding plans. Less than 2 weeks now!!

    However I did feel the urge to comment on this ladies post. Speaking purely for myself, I found as I entered my 40s that my interest in “friends” dissipated dramatically. In my 20s I was a friends fiend. My whole life was about my social group, even if I was in a relationship. But in my 40s … meh. Don’t really give a shit really. Yes I have friends who I value immensely so don’t get me wrong … however I recognised I needed a real, proper family. That being said I’m Cancer Sun/Venus. My Gem Asc, Sagg moon and Leo merc have become aligned in this odd turn of fate supporting my soon to be be Cap hubby in the political sphere.

    Aqua lady with lots of Sag. Find a cause. Find something you feel passionate about and lights a fire under your butt. Yoga may be just a bit too yin for you. If I know anything about Aquas and Saggs … they are idealistic and will ceaselessly and passionately pursue their values and ideals. The friends will follow. xxx

    1. Oh, good call about Sag moon. I’ve had Luna Luxe for a while but just recently noticed that Sag moon is the only sign that has “Nourish Your Qi” while ALL other signs have advice to “Nourish Your Yin”. I enjoy yoga but my favorite is taking my dog on a super long hike through the nature preserve.

    2. Are you marrying the heartbreaking Cap man of a couple of years ago?? Glad it worked out, if so. I noticed the comments on him because i’ a Cap.

  50. I hear you, and I am sorry to say it is a trend. I am 48 (feb 10) and have noticed the disappearance of many people who were social peers. When I am invited out it is for brunch never for dinner as that is for smug marrieds. I am married and with child and do try to socialise. It is hard however just keeping my brain sane and sitting down with 7 year old doing his homework , step children, relationship, work etc, caring for elderly mother etc etc.

    All I can say is it is not personal but can suggest you find a small pilates/gym type place where people have to commit to attending. I find that those people who make the commitment to something like that will slowly get to see you week in week out and will engage. I met my husband this way and many friends. It is at the big places that people join because they don’t want to engage that makes you feel lonely.
    A dog and finding an activity that is your passion It is amazing how you attractive you are to people ( no matter how quirky) when you have your passion.

    Wishing you joy and opportunity

    1. Wow i hate that yr smug married friends have dinner without you.

      Sorry no idea if they have “reasons”, i just do.

      Have you mentioned it? Despite my written bombast (often spoken also but it takes a certain circumstance) i have had to learn how to broach personally painful topics with friends lest i appear over sensitive (because i am). But then shouldn’t a friend know that i am, and be able to choose to deal with it, like i do? The best of them always do, I’m finding.

      I mean, you could just say how much you miss dinners with friends or somesuch, while verbally loving the brunch too. Good friends pick up on it. Other good people will need to underatand it and then they’ll act on it, so be ready.

      1. oh i don’t worry about that. I could be considered a smug married, but just a bit too chaotic ( aquarian with scorpio moon makes me a little oddball) to do the matching shoes let along matching dinner sets. I deal with it by making sure that I invite my widowed and single friends to dinners rather than us do lunch or brunch with them.

        It is a thing that people do to the non mainstream ( that is married people who have lived in the same city for many years).

        My belief is we need to be more conscious and involve people in a broader social agenda that involves caring and thought outside of our own situation. I was touched recently when another extremely busy mother at my son’s school invited me to coffee . When we there she said was worried how worried I was recently ( big stuff was peeking through the veneer because my sisters violent husband had tried to kill my sister- very unpleasant). I almost said no i don’t have time for coffee but i stopped and made time for her. Then somehow I have made a friend with someone without realizing it all by giving time and accepting kindness with honesty. It made me remember that there are great people out there and we need to make time to let the great people into our lives. More importantly we need to be great people and care and involve others.

        For our friend here I hope she finds those people and that maybe taking the time to include people no matter how random they may seem. Stopping and chatting to a stranger in a bookshop.

      2. Oh no i do hope your sister is safe.

        Such a lovely story of stopping in your clouded moment and being open to accepting.

        On another note one of my good friends, only a young friendship but a great one, is also aqua with scorp moon. Great sense of humour! Deep sensitivity, and empathetic, with a light touch…also is gem rising. A loyal but perceptive friend to all his mates.

        Resonate? ?

    2. I can relate to so much here. Feb 14 bday and I will be 62 next week. If I learned anything over the past several years and my diminishing roster of friends is not to beat your self up about it. Acknowledge that maybe you too have changed. I discovered that so many friendships are transactional and when your career changes or your what you can do for them changes the herd thins. Here’s what helps-I got my first dog and in the warmer weather we are always out. I am someone that doesn’t mind being along and have noticed I am reading so much more. Be curious. Talk to people when you are out. And honestly don’t have expectations that all friends are good friends. Don’t over extend yourself to people that don’t reciprocate-this will free you up to be happier!

  51. I have often thought that with or without kids, urban communes would be EPIC use of resources/space. People club together to get a warehouse or factory type space – there is a communal garden + kitchen with huge table & chef then individual living spaces with bathrooms and a study. It is against the rules to bother anyone nesting but if you want company, you head down to the hive areas. And potent, stable wi-fi

    1. I lived near a few, let’s call them multiple occupancy communities out the back of mount warning a while back. Most were ultimately failures for one reason or another. It’s something about having an intention to make a community instead of it happening naturally that I see as the problem. In the early 80s I lived in an old block of apartments in Elizabeth Bay that somehow grew into an incredible community. We all had our own apts but the front doors were always open and people would drop in and out whenever. We were all either young and broke or old and weird. It could never have worked intentionally.
      Personally I love the idea of communes, sharing food, kids, life, but success stories are few and far between unless there is some common goal or religion.

      1. Yeh if it doesnt happen organically then it’s a shitfest …usu with roaches… yik. The natural happenings are why we feel alone in this tech time of hookups and meetups. Tech should be servant to organic life not master.

        But also communes do too much organic weirding about loyalty, basic plans and commitment, and sense of society. Says this Mutable sun rising and Air 11th and 3rd house with a Mars in Cap 2nd and Saturn in Taurus 6th.

        Like, make a plan guys and stick to it, even if u turn up late. Also treat your underarms…BO fuqs up yr proximity for everyone. Your conversation may be tantalising but your stench just makes me want to live on the Moon, far from Mt Warning. This is the main problem with communes.

      2. I’ve got my own artist community retirement plan — buy 2 acres of land in small country town and build small eco friendly dwellings with communal kitchen/living area for when you want to be social — currently recruiting. It will happen in about 10 years 😀

      3. xox rockstar libran publicist xox

        David L – was the Lizzy Bay apartment building Gotham City or the once behind it – both buildings were epic for communal hangs in the 80/90s

      4. Hey x how have you been rockstar ! I lived opposite Gotham in no. 86 EB road but the apartment I was talking about was the last block on Ithaca rd. Down on the bay. EB was the best kept secret in town those days. I have so many great memories from that time.

      5. xox rockstar libran publicist xox

        all’s good around the beaches just north of you DL – tho another scorcher today – trust you’ve hit the ocean to cool down?

        yes the heady days of open-door apartment living were the bomb!

        head down bum up evolving the new career phase – EVERYTHING Mystic slated in phoenix readings over the years goddamn spot on!1

        Almost there launching the new thing – a project with breadth, depth & (potentially fingers crossed) legacy.

        Trust all’s well with you & your brood?

    2. This totally is on the cards for urban development over the coming years. I have a close friend who, together with other single mums and singles, created a shared living arrangement on a large block near inner city Brisbane: Main house with giant kitchen and shared living spaces, surrounded by smaller cottages for sleeping and private space. (This was 20 years ago , so ahead of the curve) It worked for several years before conflict of interest forced sale. But I always thought that on a larger scale with buy-in/buy-out options it could have kept rolling.

    3. YES! This! And as an someone who needs significant down time, the rule about leaving people alone is essential.

      But, as davidl points out, I haven’t seen it work. People together in close proximity brings out all the issues and if folks aren’t able to work through the issues in a healthy way, it just gets ugly.

      I want it to work, though, so continue to hold it as possibility.

  52. GAH! I am in complete sympatico with this!

    Dear Friendless at Forty like you, I am Sun & Mars in Aqua but with Leo fire Moon. Relocating as a single is pretty damn tricky after Pluto square Pluto, I have discovered, especially if you want to make one or two friends. I’ve done the classes, dog, post grad, chatting to locals but still end up walking around like an alien in town. I have no solution, soz.

    Its interesting that it is a weird taboo to admit loneliness (as though you are announcing you have emotional Ebola) even though loneliness is on the up everywhere for singles as couples cocoon & families are becoming busy inter-generational digital nesting sites. Smuggity snuggity.

    I’m banking on the Eclipses this year to shake things up a bit. Hope they do for you too- in a most excellent way!

    Solidanos sister!

    1. I hear you on that taboo re: loneliness. I’m slightly younger than the poster and most of the commenters – early 30s – but I have also struggled with finding my tribe of friends in the last few years.

      I don’t seem to have issues making new friends, but I do often feel like I don’t really ‘belong’. But I am realising a lot of what I’m experiencing is psychological baggage I need to work through, discard and remap.

      Re: the taboo of loneliness, I have often felt quite ashamed of being lonely. Like I’ve failed at a key part of life. Lately I have realised this feeling stems partly from being quite uncomfortable with my own company – something I’m working hard at shifting because it’s caused me to be quite indiscriminate with who I choose as friends, which has resulted in a lot of failed/by the wayside friendships.

      Hope the eclipses are a shake-up too!

  53. I’m late 50s and the last 20 or so years have been busy raising kids, sorting housing, running my biz etc but even through that there have been times of loneliness. I have though always been available to make new friends and am happy to discuss the world and its weirdness and amazingness with just about anyone who happens to be in the vicinity 🙂 I’m the guy who chats to you in the super market checkout. I’m the guy who asks to share your table at the cafe and then start sprouting about whatever.
    I’m the guy who smiles at you as you walk past looking great because I want you to know that you look great ! Not in a creepy way but a friendly open way.
    Whenever I travel or move I always find “my” spot. Usually it’s a busy cafe that makes coffee the way I like it. I’ve been a regular at 3 local cafes for over 20 years now and I know all the clientele and they know me. I’m a regular ! The town square where I live is my town square and the town square for all the different groups that live there. We are all in the same boat. Sure I wouldn’t say the literally hundreds of people I’ve chatted with around town are close friends, but they are often around when I’m feeling lonely and need to talk or have a laugh. The secret here I think also is that these acquaintances are young, old, black white and brindle of all economic groupings, I don’t care about that, I just want to connect and hear about there lives and issues. My advice is don’t sit around at home, find your places and spaces around your area and open your mind and heart to the possibility that everyone that comes within your vicinity is a friend in waiting, waiting for you to make the first move, the first smile.
    All that said , yes it’s a thing, a 40 year old woman with no kids husband etc is probably at the beginning of a phase in life where those things may not happen, but it’s not a forever thing, I think it’s a space to work out where the next adventure of life should be and how you need to change in yourself to make that happen. Good luck, if you ever feel like a coffee and a lecture 😉 get my details from Myst x

    1. Ah the Third Space. That is recommended on an introverts’ blog called Quiet Life or something.

      Read it recently and reminded myself how much happier i am when i have Third or Fourth etc space. In fact ran into three people while brunching alone just yesterday. It was great!

      1. Coffe and a lecture haha so Aries GemRising. Oh i forgot yr Merc placement…was recently shocked by it…have been travelling for work sorry.

        Yes i think shift your own attitude so you realise you are the one with the heartspace to show small but significant kindnesses to strangers. Even works in my insular home city 🙂 Despite my concentrated frown when looking down at my books/laptop/phone.

  54. Oh boy. I thought I would be the first to respond to this but looks like I was beaten to it. I can so relate although my hermit period of the last 3 – 4 years has been really self imposed as I just recentred after a separation, drama at work and a chronic illness which I am now thankfully over. Mind you, I had dogs, horses and cattle to keep me occupied. I find, yes, most married women friends want to keep me away from their hubbies, and some hubbies want to keep me away from their wives in case, god forbid, I inspire them to get out and do stuff for themselves and not wait hand and foot on their men! But Jupiter is in Libra now and Saturn is coming off Sagittarius and I think I feel my mojo stirring. Let’s see what 2017 brings 🙂

  55. Classes – go to a class, learn new ways of thinking or skills. Learning environments often bring people together – and there is always something to talk about – what you are learning, – other people in the class ;), the teacher.. and then after class you can go for a wine or a beer or a coffee, tea. I have been a teacher for 8 years and am also often a student as I love to learn and I have myself made new friends and witnessed the relationships of my peers and students develop as well as their knowledge, enthusiasm and engagement.

    1. Yes im taking a class and if u stick around you will find some hilarious and interesting folk.

      I think people who are interested in life outside home are also interesting.

      This counts too for those whose lives have to be home based at present because of the age of their children. They love News from Outside 🙂 But they tend to be those who did before too. And they’re wise. Busy people who are hard to catch up with but good people.

  56. As a 44 yr old I totally get this predicament. Maybe we should take matters in hand and organize a meet up/night out for us all.

  57. I SO relate to this! It made me think of:

    Work
    Family
    Friends
    Health …… choose 3.

    Where to begin.

    All the ideas Mystic mentioned are great for meeting new people if that’s what’s wished for.

    Am also 40 this year, single and child-free by choice, lovely apartment etc., most friends coupled up with kids and there is just a tad bit of disconnect.

    While I really cannot relate to childcare and kinder, I have made massive effort from my side to ‘step into’ friends’ worlds. Not always reciprocated. I guess some parents are strung out, they simply don’t always have the energy to keep up friendships especially those that require conversation topics beyond children (my experience). Talking politics, science, books, comedy, feminism, astrology, baking, plays, theatre can be hard to do when your friend has not had a proper night’s sleep in months, while your conversation gets interrupted 3 million times by kiddos.

    Am not a very social person by nature so this has not bothered me too much. Being with people often makes me feel lonely, whereas being by myself makes me very happy. Introvert alert.

    However, I can sense your feelings of isolation, FaF, and these feelings are important. I would pay more attention to the friends who do reciprocate. If someone can’t have the basic decency to reply to an invite, please let them go. That is insanely rude behaviour. As if you/your text doesn’t exist!

    As tough as it is, consider a heart to heart with those who still mean a lot to you and tell them you value them, and you’d like to spend more time with them. If feelings are not mutual, better to know now than invest more time/headspace into no-go connections.

    Hey, I have moon in Sagg too! Transiting Saturn is close to my moon and I can feel it. Thanks to this site, and Mystic’s wisdom in horoscopes and emails over the years, I’ve been Expecting Saturn On My Moon. A little existential angst seems to be par for course (it has been for me).

    Good on you for achieving excellent results in work and wellbeing realms, and maintaining family closeness across states – Mystic is right that other people would kill for all that plus freedom.

    Meet-up group for ‘Saturn-On-Moon Survival’ sounds really good right about now! xx

    1. Solitario – Good advice to the Friendless at Forty – let go of people who do not reciprocate and maybe attempt an indepth chat with those that have drifted…maybe it will be revealing and helpful. Also, the children of friends do grow up – and then things even out again with this group, just be patient.

      As well – great idea re the ‘saturn on moon’ meet up – I am currently experienced transiting saturn square my moon, sun and merc – most interpretations do talk about isolation and re-assessment when the moon and saturn are in hard aspect!

    2. Oh dear god yes Saturn on Moon Survival and Friendless at 40 groups would be super successful.

      Im over 40 and this came on bad before that age as i got a longterm illness then which made me lose my new friendships i forged after living in a new city.

      Fast forward and i returned to another city after 9 years away, made new friends, lost two this last week due to drama that is distinctly high school in flavour, but have other contacts, tho a mostly silent phone. And work up the yang…whichbexhausts me and which i love. Single free woman as well.

      Also Sag Moon and Rising…the sobering Saturn effect enhanced by moon tight conjunction projection/illusion/psychic sense Neptune and well, Jupiter the enhancer. In my late 12th house, conjunct Ascendant 🙂 🙁 : ~

      1. Crap grammar and typing sorry but just got back from a few sunday hours at my office haha no cat or dog here they cant even make me dinner

      2. Yes i fully imagined a cat and a dog on their hind legs at the kitchen. Cat had an apron on. I’ve never grown up! ?

  58. Feeling this so hard at the moment. As a fellow 77 on the brink of turning 40, and wondering the same thing. I personally think there is something to becoming a full on adult in between the age of no cell phone flash forward to mass social media available on every possible outlet. I don’t really have any solutions here, just an empathetic hello, because I totally get it. I was thinking about this on an astrological perspective (and maybe you have some thoughts on this Mystic), but we 77s have our North Node in Libra. So maybe it’s up to us to initiate new ways of community + connection? Just a thought..

      1. Doesn’t it! When i lived in CBD many friends came around dinner time as always had a big pot o pasta on oven top and bottle of wine opened.
        Moved just 2kms from CBD and lost 80% of them as most city dwellers can’t support cars as limited parking & wouldn’t think of public transport to see me.

  59. Yes i relate. Except i wasted a decade in substance abuse and stayed insular with a pisces boyfriend. Now at 50 i find that the few stray friends i do have ate embittered about being single. One x friend even said in disgust, ” i dont want to be hanging out with a bunch of single old hags”. Saturn is on my tail. Im too tired to care.

  60. It’s hard to read something I’ve been experiencing for years. I’m now 45 and I still have a distinct lack of friends but I do care less & less about it the older I get. It’s not always easy. I do get tired of doing things by myself but it is what it is. I find myself buying lots of plants, have a small old dog and have been focusing on my work and making my home a beautiful sanctuary of my own making. I honour how I feel as much as possible and remain as authentic as I ever have been no matter what. We all deserve love, kindness and respect and it starts with giving it to ourselves first.
    Stay true to you xx
    Sun, Merc, Venus in Scorpio, Moon & Saturn in Gemini, Cancer ascending.

  61. Anything “project” oriented has been helpful for me–community theater, burlesque group (open and lovely folk)–community organizing groups too.

    I also have enjoyed women’s circle events and other such things, red tent work, etc.

    1. Esp in the current political climate, many orgs I am sure are looking for volunteers–finding an org you appreciate and offering your time/services in some way might be a good social outlet

  62. So YES! This is def a trend. I’m 41. 42 in August, childless and single and holy hell its a thing! 🙂
    Interestingly I also have a Saturn/Moon scenario in my natal chart.
    What has helped me and that I offer you, is that this can be used incredibly well to achieve a whole lot of amazing things. Not in a replacement kind of way, just in a ‘women never before in history have had this kind of space’ kind of way. It’s helped me re frame.
    Meets ups are a great place to meet peeps.
    I have a dog and we go everywhere together.. breakfast with a book and a dog = plenty of opportunity to create conversation, or look mysterious and aloof 🙂
    I have also Fenged the heck out of my home… and while this hasn’t resulted in a posse of hot new peeps I feel so incredibly supported and loved by these four walls I mostly don’t stress out about it ….
    I hope your move through this with ease and a feeling of being absolutely adored!!! I’m anticipating this eclipse. I hope it brings some magic your way xx

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