Do you have Dating Phobia Symptoms? This question from the Pilates-Addicted Aquarian Acountant and the answers from Mystic + commenters may help.
Thank you a thousand times over for the magnificent Horoscopes, Tarot and Oracle. I am too Aquarian to use the Moon Calendar (time is tyranny and all that) but I love everything else. But I am wondering if there is such a thing as Dating Phobia? And if so, what are the symptoms? How can you distinguish them from being healthily discerning?
I know people often accuse Aquarius people of being unpredictable or aloof – cold even – but in my case, I have a strong aversion to blending with personal energies I am not aligned with. Even “just” a conversation feels to me like a merging. I know, I know #Aquarius. And the more individuated and empowered I get with age (Uranus Opposition now) the less keen I am on dialing down my aura just to fit in. Or to score the social identity and advantages of coupledom. Or to get laid. This is not Asexuality. I have, you know, devices.
Do I even want to meet anyone? Is it humanly possible to be just happy as a singular unit? Assuming financial independence and emotional autonomy? Or is this an Aquarius thing? I browse the dating site I am a member on and then shudder with relief as i switch back to (hello, Moon in Capricorn) run some analytics on my accounting software. Should I force myself to date, just put it out there and make it happen or work on my energy and let what happens, happen?
I think my main fear around dating is that I would somehow slide down a rabbit hole back into the dating-sex-crazy-hot-boyfriend-booze-drugs-chaos-hell of my 20s. Or even the passivity of my 30s.
Also, while I am having my anxiety attack already, I just binge-watched The Handmaids Tale and this has not helped. No insult intended to any sex worker professionals reading but going on a date is like dressing up to be “inspected” like a prostitute.
Example: a woman I know who went for coffee with a man she met online and he asked her if her children were born naturally or by Caesarian. She is Aries so she just said: “I know you are not an obstetrician so I am going to assume you are trying to gauge the tone of my vagina, it is fantastic – how big is your dick?”
Finally, this could be an age thing but seriously: really good book in bed with the cat, comfy hemp t-shirt, superior skin serum on? Or a bar booth in alignment fuqing heels being interviewed for a girlfriend position by proving my monologue listening skills? Is this Dating Phobia and should I treat it?
the Pilates-addicted Aquarian accountant
Dear Pilates Addicted Aquarius Accountant,
Dating Phobia or Dating Aversion? You don’t sound scared of dating so much as healthily aware of its pitfalls. It is also about Mating Choices. Female Economic Independence has altered so many dynamics and things are still in flux.
There are other ways to be happy and fulfilled: Pilates, accounting, friends, cats, reading, skincare, a spiritual practice; these are not trivial. And it’s better to be composed and self-assured than hollowed out from the inside via a bad romance or frenetic dating scene.
Still, why not make peace with whatever electric party ghosts are still buzzing around from your pre-Saturn Return era? It can’t get that crazy again. These days you probably wouldn’t be able to stay up that late or gain free entry to skeevy clubs. And as you say, you’ve lost your tolerance for douchecore men.
Rather than conjuring up the nightmare scenarios, let your mind gently meander to what a really awesome relationship might look for you. Dwell on that a bit rather than going nuts and clearing out vast swathes of your schedule for crazy conquest scenarios. The Handmaids Tale is never going to put you in a good dating mood, btw.
But yes, people can be totally happy single and none of is compulsory. What does everyone else think?
Howard the Duck