The Brides Of Saturn

There is a peculiar syndrome that can strike after Saturn Return and before Uranus Opposition. A.K.A. during your Thirties. That is the phase when people can become a Bride of Saturn – yes, any gender.

And while the astrological Saturn has benefits, being a Bride of Saturn is not desirable. In fact, the more married to Saturn you are during your Thirties, the weirder and more destabilizing the Uranus Opposition. Your early 40s will be more like a messy divorce from Saturn.

What does being a Bride of Saturn entail?

  • Tribal Allegiance – they align their values with whatever group or structure they see as most robust and narrow their perspective to function only within those confines. The exclusion of people who don’t belong is how they affirm their inclusion. Brides of Saturn are also big on visible totems of belonging. Once upon a time, they were luxury goods status-symbols; these days they are more subtle. But they’re there, along with a coded lingo to become fluent in. Whatever the tribe in question, you either speak the language or you don’t. Nobody translates. Ever.

You Can Only Be A Bride Of Saturn After Saturn Return

  • Ageism – it sounds odd because the era just after Saturn Return is when people are conscious of no longer being automatically deemed young. Brides of Saturn envy early 20-somethings their nonchalant decadence and less weighted mating matrix while also feeling they can retain the look and vibe of their pre-Saturn-Return years. They’re competitive with younger people. Why? Because they’re got a cool you can only have when you’re not striving for it, along with fewer responsibilities. They could technically breeze in with smoother thighs/more Human Growth Hormone and appeal to the Bride of Saturn’s high-value partner. But the B.O.S. is  also hostile to those in their 40s and beyond who seem to have “given up.” They relaxed their guard and accepted failure in the form of wrinkles, delinquent children, relationship eruptions and natural hair.

They’re All-Terrain Status Signalers

  • Status Anxiety – After Saturn Return, many people crave more stability and to build a solid foundation for their life. But the Brides of Saturn step that up into crazy obsession with their personal brand optics. They’re all-terrain status signalers – on the school run, at Pilates, three glasses of wine in. If they are earning top dollar (or sleeping with it), they’ll divert funds into alleviating the Status Anxiety. If they have less cash flow, debt makes up the difference between desire and reality.

Calculating And Relentless

  • Paranoia – Being a Bride of Saturn means never being entirely sure of your niche. People are entirely like you and thus safe or they are aspirational. Others are either threats or irrelevant. That’s it. As failure to swiftly sum up which is which could be costly, the B.O.S. wastes zero time on people deemed irrelevant. It’s calculating and relentless. Being a Bride of Saturn is also frustrating – they are continually seeking tranquility or spiritual insight just so long as they don’t have to deal with truth, jagged emotions or their bonsai relationships.  The Solution? Serenity Signaling or trying to induce Phantom Deficit Syndrome in other people.


Image: Met Gala Customized Coach bag

59 thoughts on “The Brides Of Saturn”

  1. Observation; since walking away from the alt version of Stepford Wives, I’ve noticed they all follow me on social media or, don’t ‘follow’ but often peek in at the stories….. 👀

  2. I read Brides of Saturn as Brides of Satan. 😉
    Strangely enough, I somehow attracted an angry B.O.S. Capricorn who thinks I’m after her man. Nothing could be the farest from the Truth. He is a work colleague nothing more. I was shocked to be accused. She didn’t psychically pick up any attraction from me. Zero zip.
    No idea why I was targeted either?
    How to keep a crazy Cap at bay? any advice? One that keeps the peace. I have interest in conflict.
    Than you. <3

    1. You have “interest in conflict”? Keep it bay by sending her and him a short sharp missive that says you are a professional, you have no interaction with X aside from work/industry involvement and that if you hear from her again you will be in touch with human resources/management to discuss the matter.

      1. Whoops! typo! I have No interest in conflict!
        Unfortunately, there’s no HR to report to. She’s not employed in the same industry. He works in the music industry there’s little to no regulation or rules.
        He fears pissing her off so allows her to read/answer his emails including allowing her to threaten violence towards women who want to book his band or set up shows. I’ve decided to no longer work with him until he can address these issues with his overbearing, jealous new gf. It’s way too stressful to deal with.
        Thanks for the advice. It’s solid.

  3. Fantastic depiction of the B.O.S, Mystic!
    I can’t say that i’ve gone through the B.O.S. phase, but then I had Uranus & Gary join Saturn for my first Saturn Rx. So no chance mate.

  4. Okay, so I needed to read this. My Saturn return is bang on the conjunction in January, and I didn’t realize it until i read this, but ever since Saturn in Sag (my sun sign), I’ve basically been gearing up to BECOME this – to the point where, not even kidding, I got myself a ring with Saturn’s symbol on it (I don’t wear it, but just owning it kind of nauseates me now).

    I hadn’t fully come to terms with how status-oriented and judgmental I’ve gotten these last couple of years, but holy moly, there it is. Phantom deficit syndrome, status signaling, looking down on people who “gave up” (what an ugly thing to think), it’s all there, ready to take root.

    Bless you, Mystic. Mercury retro in Scorpio seems like a good time to do some psychic deep cleaning. With any luck, I’ll be ready for whatever synthetic nostalgia wants to pop up when Saturn comes home.

    1. Doing my Saturn return at the moment as well. Funny that I also bought a ring recently, my first officially nice piece of jewelry, but I only wear it in my index finger because I read that is the finger of Jupiter, antidote to Saturn. We should work out a buddy system where we alert each other when we develop Bride of Saturn symptoms.

      1. I sized mine for my middle finger (Saturn’s) like a lunatic, haha. It’s good to have other people who know what to watch for.

  5. I have a SO MUCH CAPRICORN/SATURN 1st house in my chart (seriously, 5 of my planets and my Rising are in Capricorn, I cry inside every time I think about it – and 2 are in Aquarius which is co-ruled by Saturn) and I’m about to go through my Saturn Return or just started it; ahhhh how do I not become a Bride of Saturn?? Does anyone have any advice for me? Please help. lol I seriously feel cursed from how much it’s in my chart. It’s like, I want to be happy and was born to do amazing things but I can’t. lol Because I am one giant Saturn ball of darkness. I don’t want to channel it at all.

    1. You are NOT ‘one giant Saturn ball of darkness’! I mean really.. Capricorn is beauty, structure, fertility, elegance and eternal, thoughtful love!! And humour!! I think stand up comedy is Capricorn. And so is farming. Fashion modelling. Everything valuable. Just let go and let Goddess!! Be completely you. In all seriousness…

    2. If you have that much Capricorn and aquarius in your chart, there (I would think) is no chance that you could get caught up in a morass of competitive householding or whatever it’s called
      Edit. Career tho. You get that bread

    3. sautrah, please don’t drive yourself crazy or even worse feel cursed. when there are that many planets in one sign, like in your case, there’s an astrological phenomenon that inclines you to behave as those planets were in the opposite sign, as if the cosmos were trying to compensate that overload. and from the outside looking in, i.e. reading your post, your pain & angst feel super cancerian, AND they’re part of the saturn return itself (it’s too late/it’s too early, pressure from the outside world/family expectations, and mostly limitations and feeling you’re not enough :*( ). the only way out is through though, but you can make it 🙂 . imho the 27th birthday crisis is so much dangerous/painful, so if nothing major happened then… besides, where’s your sun and moon? take care

  6. Ugh, this is exactly the kind of people I can’t fit in with yet ended up being neighbours with in my late 30’s. (Come to think of it, around the time I joined the blog! How it saved me!!) Paranoid Melt-downs over air-conditioner installations.
    Bullying the staff at the school for attempting to castigate their children for.. bullying. The staff were so terrified of their threats they gave in, providing a much needed lesson for their kids. Bullying works! Accountants steady, anxious & grave, or Professional Housewives cackling, orange and insane. But I went full Uranus or Neptune in my 20’s, only approaching 40 did I begin constructing the Saturn Mamma’s Grimoire. Too much Attention Dialled into Another Dimension isn’t biologically satisfying, late to the game of ‘life’. But at least now I am ready for ‘death’?

  7. I will definitely agree to having been one in my own fashion and “divorcing” Saturn in my 40’s. The 50’s are a coming of age of sorts – though the past several years kicked the stuffing out of me. Looking forward to the roaring twenties and ending my 50’s decade. I wish I had known about this when I was in that age.

  8. Wow, that purse… I always notice those types of religious or Disney “in club” signals. Mostly because they are not for me.

    Oddly enough, when Saturn was crossing my Sag moon Neptune I deemed myself “married to Saturn” because I had to go along with the transit rather than fight it. I gritted my teeth and put on a hematite bracelet every morning. Thank god that transit is over. Jupiter in Sag has been way better.

    I must have done my 30’s right in some kind of way because I rather like life since 40.

  9. I clicked on this naively expecting to read something along the lines of how suddenly wanting to get married is a temporary side-effect of your Saturn Return and nothing to be seriously worried about… that was wishful thinking, LOL
    Still, a very interesting and educational read!

  10. Haha this reminded me of Bridget Jones at that B.O.S. dinner when asked why do so many women are single (in confused condescent tone) and she answers that having the body full of scales underneath the clothes doesn’t help. Lol, got to love the humour of a woman facing those sharks. Anyway, I think you are being a little bit too good with these race of unhappy people, Mystic!

  11. The Lion & The Centaur

    You just described the mom group I hangaround. Like biker gang, I’m not a member, just a hangaround. A member would have to be 30+ with a mortgage, husband and a decend job waiting after maternity leave. Every little detail about their look, their kids, their home, their schedule, their conversations and their social media is a well orchestrated humble brag in action. Sometimes I catch myself turning into one of them although I’m in my mid-20s, single and still studying and the only thing that attaches me to these people is that we happen to have children of the same age. Gosh! I need to get out of here! Quickly!

    1. Some of them can be nice, seriously. But you don’t want to get Phantom Deficit Syndrome from overexposure. They can be compelling. I know someone who wound up on their periphery via motherhood/kindergarten and she started fixating on why she didn’t have a husband before remembering she was gay.

      1. This is hilarious Mystic! I just realized also through your brilliant post, that Social média is heaven for them and how aware we must be sobwe don’t get caught wanting stuff we don’t want. Also, I understand that anyone can slip into B.O.S mode but it seems for some people it becomes their very own DNA. Run for your lifes!

  12. As I was reading to make sure this wasn’t me, you described someone I work with very well. Very close in age to me, but very clannish and competitive where she doesn’t need to be. I’ve withdrawn a lot since my Saturn return but I would hope this isn’t me. I don’t envy 20-somethings, tho I can’t always relate to them.

  13. One of the random joys of this site is reading a piece like this then, as you scroll down, an article appears from the Astrology Vault. Mine was Paris Hilton (Mercury Bats in Taurus)…

  14. Whoa, I felt like I was reliving my 30’s again whilst reading this. I definitely feel woke about that period in my life after reading this blog!

  15. I don’t think I know anyone like this, but I suspect they may (to me) be the Vibe Scramblers of the previous post. Their first mistake is to see other members of the sisterhood as “competition”.

    1. Move to the leafy suburbs and participate in the local school life. Or really don’t. They are crawling in such places. All they value is competition!

  16. Is this group the same as Saturn’s bitches ? Having Saturn in my 7th I’m often reminded of this status. I can see all your saying about Saturns brides, the more formal relationship but us bitches had no choice. 😉

      1. Yes, I’ve been Saturn’s bitch since it squared Neptune in 2015. Up till then I was a dreamy, multi-Pisces – floating around buying pretty things, following my every urge and whim, not worrying about where the money would come from or the long term implications of dating this or that person would be. Then wham, slapped upside the head by Saturn telling me grow the fuq up and look at your life as it is, not as you imagine it is. Money gone, boyfriends gone, rose-coloured glasses gone. Now building it back on stone foundation not clouds.

          1. Same is trying to happen to me and I try to go with it. I keep telling myself that “with this much air, no amount of Saturn can hurt me or make me into a Saturn Bride”

    1. I don’t know. I live in one of those urban areas renowned for its “weirdness.” And some of this type here would appear highly individuated elsewhere, and many relocate here directly pre- & post-Saturn return. And it lures in certain “individuated”-types (the “crunchies,” the sleeves crew, the best-travelled-on-the-side-streets, the most philosophical while remaining religiously unaffiliated, the most astrologically informed/decorated […oops!], etc).

      I’m Uranus in Sag 1st house with Saturn on the ascendant from the Scorp 12th squaring my Pisces sun-merc. I settled here on my Saturn return when I found out I was pregnant by a Capricorn who I ended up marrying. Woof. This city is even on my Saturn-Asc line via astroclick travel. It’s been Saturn for 5 years. After a life of travel-tripping, seasonal work, and generally unanchored life fluidity, Saturn return and sudden onset motherhood had me deciding I needed to finally find the support of consistent community. Was sucked in and spit out by these types in all sorts and shapes, many unintentional. Found myself unintentionally embodying bits of the mindset along the way. We all want to belong. We all have extremes. I think the opposite to a B.O.S. is conscious compassion, empathy, openness. It’s a bumpy road! Goddesspeed!

      1. On the plus side, all the Saturn this half-decade has taught me the value of roots and structure, plants and weeding, material resources. Still, that blast of air next year is certainly welcome.

        1. Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot

          Oh god there are “I’m more-individuated-than-you” types! How annoying they must be. We need a term for this!

          1. How about backwards iconoclasts in the throes of confusion & half-heartedness? I’m sure we could develop some sort of acronym there…

  17. I did the tribal allegiance thing from puberty to mid-20s. Then I found an actual tribe I could be myself in. I don’t envy 20-somethings at all in terms of their mating or decadence, I only envy their time.

    I’m close to Uranus Opposition now and the only thing I regret is not having built a career I could feel accomplished in. Even if I didn’t like it and had the urge to transform it mid-life crisis style, seems like it would be easier to start over with a somewhat successful background in unsatisfying than to be like me at Uranus Opposition still wondering what to be when I grow up and nothing but a string of underachieving jobs to show for the last 20 yrs. I couldn’t fake status if I wanted to. Thank goodness I’ve never wanted to.

    1. I envy their time and their complete luxuriating in it, no guilt at all.
      Maybe uranus opposition will bring you a career. Go back to study? It’s never too late.

      1. “the only thing I regret is not having built a career I could feel accomplished in. Even if I didn’t like it and had the urge to transform it mid-life crisis style, seems like it would be easier to start over with a somewhat successful background in unsatisfying than to be like me still wondering what to be when I grow up and nothing but a string of underachieving jobs to show for the last 20 yrs. I couldn’t fake status if I wanted to. Thank goodness I’ve never wanted to.” —- relating so hard to everything!!

        1. It’s never too late. Wait for your Chiron return. You will not care about this stuff. It is like being reborn. My experience anyway.

          You will look back on your so called mistakes with affectionate compassion.


    2. kriblack, definitely agree with wish upon a star re the chiron return rebirth. hope that by then you’ll have found your way (maybe uranus will help), me, I’m still searching and experimenting, but since my chiron return I’ve come to terms with it, found more inspiration, and accepted that maybe it’s meant to be for me to remain an underachiever and/or to never to find out at all what my purpose is, and I enjoy life in itself much more – maybe one day I’ll find out, maybe not… so mote it be 🙂 . besides, people hate to disclose it, but there are tons of people around either in denial, or in the same situation, or who feel totally misplaced at their job even though they excel at what they do. I’ve even met a retired 70+-year-old man honest enough to confess that even though he had had a great career he still hadn’t found his purpose. hope this helps in making you feel less alienated/weird/wrong. xxx

      1. Damn this post hits home…I think I went to high school with a bunch of BOS. I have a packed 10H Virgo Stellium including Saturn and the NN and just had a meeting yesterday with a financial planner re my 401k. I’m about to turn 40 this year and apparently I’m right on track in terms of savings. I have a small 401k loan but am otherwise debt free in an unsatisfying/uninspiring job that pays the bills. I would love to go back to school to become a therapist but the thought of incurring debt again, much less 6 figures, feels awful.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *