Astrological Excuses To Get Out Of Christmas

Are you seeking some fresh ways to skip Christmas? Astrology can help. Deploy any of the following perfectly legit explanations and do whatever you feel like this Yule. But be warned, you may never want to return to compulsory festivities once you do this time of the year your way.

(1) Remind friends and family of your adherence to ancient traditions. Or, if this is the first they have heard of your allegiance, inform them that you revere history and legacy customs. You find comfort in authentic ritual, not recent (such as the last 1000 years or so) innovations.

Christmas falls in the season of Capricorn, and it evolved from the old festival of Saturnalia, for Saturn – aka Cronos – the ruler of Capricorn. It involved a debauched party to celebrate a (hopefully) successful harvest, an excessive banquet, and popular ‘role flip’ gimmicks where the authority figure of the revels would swap roles with the lowest ranking person present.

You could argue that it was some style of socialist consciousness, but it was nearly always rigged for theatrical effect. The point is that everyone de-fragged, had fun, and went home with their bonus beer and sheaves of wheat. The work or company Xmas party is more trad than anything else about this time of year. Capricorns work: Capricorn Season – typically December 22 to January 21 – is brilliant for making progress.

(2) If you are in the Southern Hemisphere, flat refuse to do Yule, a Winter festival, in mid-Summer. Xmas is one of the stolen Pagan festivals, and it was originally Sun worship. In mid-Winter, the longest, coldest night of the Solar year, people busted upon their emergency food stores and honored the turning point of the Sun. It’s super resonant in an environment where you could freeze to death – less so in the Southern Summer.

If you live in the Southern Hemisphere, tell anyone expecting you to irrationally succumb to their hemispheric delusions that you will be celebrating the seasonally appropriate Litha instead. If they can’t deal with you naked – sorry, sky-clad – festooned with flowers, high on catnip, and perhaps dancing around a priapic maypole, you can keep your religious rites separate this year.

(3) Cite your natal chart! If you have Saturn, the South Node, or even Mars in the 11th House, mandated socializing because of a specific calendar date shuts down your superior functioning. It’s against your grain and blocks your natural momentum. If you need something less precise, Fire signs feel super motivated to earn at this time of the year, and if you’re Mutable – Gemini, Virgo, Saggo, or Pisces –  advance commitments are stressful.

Air signs prefer seclusion around Capricorn Season, especially Aquarians and Aquarius Rising people. For Cancerians, Xmas is their opposite sign- it can evoke a tinsel-bound, carb-loaded version of oppositional defiance disorder.

(4) If Jesus is a factor, say that you will be celebrating his birth in March because Jesus was not a Capricorn. Again, cite the authenticity.

Thoughts?