Astrological Excuses To Get Out Of Christmas

Are you seeking some fresh ways to skip Christmas? Astrology can help. Deploy any of the following perfectly legit explanations and do whatever you feel like this Yule. But be warned, you may never want to return to compulsory festivities once you do this time of the year your way.

(1) Remind friends and family of your adherence to ancient traditions. Or, if this is the first they have heard of your allegiance, inform them that you revere history and legacy customs. You find comfort in authentic ritual, not recent (such as the last 1000 years or so) innovations.

Christmas falls in the season of Capricorn, and it evolved from the old festival of Saturnalia, for Saturn – aka Cronos – the ruler of Capricorn. It involved a debauched party to celebrate a (hopefully) successful harvest, an excessive banquet, and popular ‘role flip’ gimmicks where the authority figure of the revels would swap roles with the lowest ranking person present.

You could argue that it was some style of socialist consciousness, but it was nearly always rigged for theatrical effect. The point is that everyone de-fragged, had fun, and went home with their bonus beer and sheaves of wheat. The work or company Xmas party is more trad than anything else about this time of year. Capricorns work: Capricorn Season – typically December 22 to January 21 – is brilliant for making progress.

(2) If you are in the Southern Hemisphere, flat refuse to do Yule, a Winter festival, in mid-Summer. Xmas is one of the stolen Pagan festivals, and it was originally Sun worship. In mid-Winter, the longest, coldest night of the Solar year, people busted upon their emergency food stores and honored the turning point of the Sun. It’s super resonant in an environment where you could freeze to death – less so in the Southern Summer.

If you live in the Southern Hemisphere, tell anyone expecting you to irrationally succumb to their hemispheric delusions that you will be celebrating the seasonally appropriate Litha instead. If they can’t deal with you naked – sorry, sky-clad – festooned with flowers, high on catnip, and perhaps dancing around a priapic maypole, you can keep your religious rites separate this year.

(3) Cite your natal chart! If you have Saturn, the South Node, or even Mars in the 11th House, mandated socializing because of a specific calendar date shuts down your superior functioning. It’s against your grain and blocks your natural momentum. If you need something less precise, Fire signs feel super motivated to earn at this time of the year, and if you’re Mutable – Gemini, Virgo, Saggo, or Pisces –  advance commitments are stressful.

Air signs prefer seclusion around Capricorn Season, especially Aquarians and Aquarius Rising people. For Cancerians, Xmas is their opposite sign- it can evoke a tinsel-bound, carb-loaded version of oppositional defiance disorder.

(4) If Jesus is a factor, say that you will be celebrating his birth in March because Jesus was not a Capricorn. Again, cite the authenticity.


49 thoughts on “Astrological Excuses To Get Out Of Christmas”

  1. Zippity Zap – I just applied for a new job and a loan today …. not intentionally today mind you just worked out that way.

    ZZ T square going on is triggering my natal Jupiter/Uranus conj in my Libra 1st house round the 11*…. my car carked it last week and looked on it as an opportunity to move from 18yo to with airbags and dingfree

    Job of moment is nuts….boss tells me last week – the peak of the crazybusy season – he going to USA for a months holiday with the family and just send him one email a day. Right

    Scopes for Virgo were all about shifting your work/biz to awesome or something

  2. Lux Interior is My Co-Pilot

    Obligatory workplace Christmass-yness makes about as much sense as insisting everyone fast for Purim or celebrate Yom Kippur.

  3. Oh please!
    MM just means using your skills placating people who arent worth the effort. This comment reminds me of kids who think that saying “stupid” or “idiot” are swearing and run and tell the teacher. Sometimes a spade needs to be acurately labelled. *As Dumb as dog shi* ” has resurfaced in my lexicon of late. Ooh aah! I guess that Father Christmas wont be coming to me then. Thank Dog! All those transfatty acid / made in Chinese sweat-shops stocking and artery stuffers will be deposited elsewhere. Yay!

  4. : ) —-> there is always one.

    I LOVE!!!!! Xmas.
    Summer off, in Noosa.
    A divine small family and gorgeous friends that adore food and loving having a good time.
    I don’t do retail. I celebrate Local artesians wares.
    Sometimes I’m loaded sometimes I’m completely broke.. It’s never any different. Xmas to me is the epitome of love/ life and celebration of same.

    A merry loving Xmas to all!

  5. Colleague has forced Secret Santa on us. Divine boss is raiding his cupboards so none of us have to buy anything. I told him to choose the worst so faces fall.

    1. My favourite secret santa experiences:

      (1) giving a partner in the prof services firm I worked at a pair of y-fronts in firm colour embroidered with company logo in silver tinsel.
      (2) partner A at same prof services firm replacing secret santa gift for one of the other partners (partner B) with a photo in a love heart shaped frame of the partner C whom B publicly loathed.

      Secret santa can be fun…

    1. Next year i think i shall figure out a way to hire a remote seaside mansion and it shall be the official PAGAN GRINCH CHRISTMAS REBEL RETREAT.

      Dress Code: Sarongs or dressing gowns. Activities: Game of Thrones re-runs, reading without being interrupted, sleeping, sun bathing, I-Ching.
      Food: Vegan but with wine. We will get a sponsor.

      1. Raché(Aqua/Tauri)

        omg i would totally go. i might be doing my own version of this and heading to big sur until the holidays blow over. bummed i didn’t get this cat-sitting gig i wanted which would have given me an excuse to hide away from the craziness.

    2. Fuq I just checked her – the asteroid in my chart. Lol. 24 degrees Scorpio in the 12th House lol. Same degree as my double Lilith and conjunct asteroid Lilith and conjunct my moon. Lol.

      1. Hypatia I’m talking about. I actually knew it. Used to spit on churches as a child. I know. Very naughty.
        Like GaGa I was born this way:-D

  6. Mmm. Cosmic fruit.

    Mmm. Forearms.

    That’s it. Just bought some weights for extra workout oomph as the weather urges me to sun, surf n sand.

    Choose Life.

    1. Seriously? I thought it might be a bit repetitive. But okay, does anyone else want the Full Pagan Grinch Experience?

      I can bring up Giordano Bruno, Hypatia, the Vatican, Vestal Virgins, Mithras, Santa As Demon, consumers being pressured to become Debt Slaves AND the stupidity of having any kind of a SLacker Festival in the time of Capricorn.

        1. Hell YES!!! 99% of learning is repetition. Besides MM, you are brilliant, as are many regular contributors (love you all). Let’s talk about this schizz.

      1. ramm-madam ding dong

        I vote for Hypatia, the Vatican, Vestal Virgins & Mithras!

        .. & I need to thank you Mystic for the awesome Cosmic Consult that you did for me back in May!
        I’m still referring to it! Awesome detail!

      2. You forgot the Illuminati and that funny pyramid thingy … surely they figure in there somewhere 😉

        But yeah let’s go a Christmas bashing post – can’t stand this time of year.

      3. I know someone who can out-grinch everyone. Check out this article:

        The author argues that Christmas spending is an economic disaster on a scale that rivals war, pestilence, and famine.

        If you want the hardcore technical economics, google for “The Deadweight Loss of Christmas” by Joel Waldfogel.

      4. LOATHE this time of year!!!!!!!! UGH 👿

        Wish I was a millionaire… just so I could disappear to some remote island from Dec to Jan 🙂

  7. Distracted by pineapple.

    Phoenix, January, blog rest, scopes, Aqua Rising…pineapple. Pineapple. Yes. Do what you want with me.

  8. Raché(Aqua/Tauri)

    I’ve decided that Jesus™ is a Scorpio. [[Probably with Mercury in Pisces, Mars in Capricorn, Gemini moon, and Aquarius rising.]]

    My Phoenix Consult was so wonderful and helped me clarify my vision and priorities in early Sept. I encourage anyone interested to snap one up while they’re available! Wanted to get one for my sister but my next big payday (contract, urgh) comes through Dec. 27th. Feel like a jerk/grinch and buying many presents after xmas but before new year’s…but I’m stuck. Another reason I gotta leave the random-gig hustle, it’s just too much unpredictability stress for a hyper-fixed person like me.

    1. Maybe a passive-aggressive scorpio – didn’t you know that it’s been hypothesised that his last words weren’t “Forgive them Lord they know not what they do” but rather “It’s not my fault, I told them so.”

        1. I think Jesus was a Pisces, if he did indeed exist.
          Water wine, forgiveness, walked on water all around cool hippie dude.

      1. No such thing as a passive-aggressive Scorpio…
        Surely!!! They couldn’t be arsed!

        Why resort to pass-agg behaviour when short, sharp and to the point works… blunt even.. maybe that’s my Saggo moon talkin’ 🙂

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