Why Do I Fixate On Venus-Mars Men?

Venus conjunct Mars synastry* can be addictive, as this Mega Mystic member’s dilemma illustrates.

Dear Mystic,

Do you ever notice yourself caught in attracting the same astro signatures in your love interests and/or relationships? For instance, I have a penchant for being attracted to Mars-Venus men. 

My first boyfriend had Mars in Libra, not quite Mars-Venus in aspect but after all, Venus rules Libra. His Mars was conjunct my Venus. He was pathological and literally mentally ill but I still fell for him. Our relationship was a dreamy lie.  My second boyfriend, another long term relationship, had Mars opposite Venus. His Mars in Gemini was trine my Venus, and yes it’s true what they say about Mars-Venus synastry. The sexual chemistry!

So much sex and goo-goo eyes over him. It took more than three years for my brain to wake up after being scrambled by the endorphins. He was a “Puer” aka self-obsessed man-child. A Sagittarius who ghosted any responsibility for his actions. 

Our Relationship Was A Dreamy Lie

Enter my current relationship and predicament. This one has no Mars-Venus going on in his chart but Mars square Saturn. Saturn has caused my man much pain, frustration, and disappointment to him sexually. It’s been bitter in the bedroom. It’s difficult being the partner to a cold wall when you are an easy breezy Air Venus who loves her sensual pleasures.

We are such a harmonious match on all other levels. I feel I can be completely myself and comfortable in the relationship, something I haven’t felt before. Our Moons are *exactly* conjunct.

Due to the sex difficulties, I have found myself lured by two other men over the time we have been together. And what do you know? Both Venus-Mars men, this time with both men having conjunctions of these planets in their chart.

Mating in Captivity Is Unarousing

I was compulsively drawn to the first, though he was a personality I would usually shun as he is a dick. Sure enough when I lurked on his astrology to figure out what was wrong with me for being lured by such a chauvinistic arse, there it was. Venus conjunct Mars synastry strikes again. 

 So am I only capable of being attracted to Mars-Venus men? My Moon is happy with my current relationship but Venus begs for attention and adoration. She does not want the Mars-Saturn man. She wants hot chemistry!

Maybe I am not owning my own Venus and Mars energy enough and am seeking it from another? What is it about Mars-Venus men anyway? Perhaps if I know what the appeal is I will break its spell on me!


A Mars-Venus Lover 

Mars-Venus Synastry = Repeat Hook-Ups

Dear Mars-Venus Lover,

Yes, we ALL have runs of the same sign, archetypes or astro-signatures.  I call it Astral Repetition Mating Syndrome.  But your situation does not seem quite like that. It is a version of the Madonna-Whore complex.

If you feel emotionally ‘safe’ with someone or as if you could build a healthy/cool set-up together on whatever terms work for each of you, you’re not aroused by them. You’re physically drawn to people who are less “safe.”

This is, of course, the territory of psychotherapists, Beat poets, Cosmopolitan magazine’s Stud or Dud type articles, books like Mating In Captivity and astrology.

Addicted To Vibe

My thoughts are that you have answered your own question. The Mars-Venus vibe you’re being drawn to is IN you – they’re just reflecting it back at you. If you are post-Saturn Return, you will know that often the people who have very little to offer in the realm of quality relationship/friendship etc really ramp up the charm and sexiness. It turns into this over the top Voodoo vibe to (at best) distract from how little else there is on offer or (at worst) as part of a predatory, manipulative, narcissist arsenal.

Obviously, I am feeling a bit sorry for Mr. Mars-Saturn here. Could the situation be helped if you bought your Venusian wiles back home? Or is the bedroom situation literally unable to evolve? “Cold” and “Bitter” does not exactly sound promising. But you don’t need to pull a Madame Bovary trip in the 21st Century, surely?

Deathless Sexual Chemistry

Venus conjunct Mars synastry is hot but can also be strong enough to mask significant issues. This is the delineation for it in my Cosmic Compatibility report. (I substituted Mars + Venus for the names that are in the report.)

More natural hormonal phenomenon than human interaction, their sexual chemistry is deathless. Mars is a walking performance enhancer for Venus, while Venus is the ultimate aphrodisiac to Mars. They may only be in accord via their sexual chemistry but it is potent enough to drive them together again and again. They don’t care about mutual interests, nice eyes or anyone’s senses of humor. Add even one soul link to this scenario and they’re a formula for repeat hook-ups over a lifetime – perhaps many. Their orgasms serve as D.I.Y. past life regressions, evoking fond memories of pash-outs in gladiator pits, eyes locking across medieval courtyards and even strange scent memories. If one or both of them are partnered to other people when they meet, these two are a nightmare scenario for the spouse-in-place.

What does everyone else think?

Image: Bert Stern – Liz Taylor & Richard Burton

*What is synastry? It refers to the angles or aspects made between the Sun, Moon, planets, and points in two people’s birth charts. It is astrological compatibility, essentially, but far more intricate and revealing than the standard “Librans like Aquarians” elemental assessments. Venus and Mars inter-aspects are the classic hot pheromonal synastry but there are many interactions.

58 thoughts on “Why Do I Fixate On Venus-Mars Men?”

  1. interesting perspective. I’m a divine masculine who’s been monogamous my entire life. However I have left the connection as these times awaken yearnings for soul evolution through the desirous emotional circuits and soul union.
    I have Grand fire trine hinging on a tight Venus lead Mars conjunction at 16 Aries, leaving opposition to a 12th house Pluto.

  2. My sun sign is pisces. Venus aries and Mars gemini. I never really liked aries guys but I am always attracted to gemini guys. And my 5th house starts with gemini too. So I guess i choose guys with my mars.

  3. Mars-Venus Lover

    Ok so post eclipse season & the relationship ended. Mars-Saturn guy found a new girl with (no surprise) very unexpressed Venus energy, after our issues based around my prominent Venus energy no doubt making him run for the opposite. But I feel this will fit him well & wish them well.

    I had some time to reflect on our synastry with a clean slate and to also allow me to process & move on. Also leave with some lessons to avoid falling into this in future. Funny how you over look things when you are in the thick of it.

    I found – Nodes involved. His north node conjunct my Neptune, square my Moon & Venus. Hence bringing up all that fated processing of my moon-venus relationship issues. My own inner conflict around this opposition. What do I want? How do I choose between my need for safety and nurture, versus my very different needs for sexual and romantic fulfilment. Well- I don’t have to choose. But I felt the conflict strongly and am working solo to hold both ends in myself and become aware of the need for BOTH.

    His Mars square my Saturn. Ouch. I found Liz Greene’s work on this illuminating. Now I understand the intense & feverish sexual attraction. I often pondered this as there was no mars-Venus chemistry. He expressed overtly all the qualities I felt most inhibited and insecure around. She says the mars person will come across confidently expressing them self in an open & forceful manner, with sexual overtones while the Saturn person will be compulsively lured into a physical attraction. The frightful feelings (Saturn- rejection & control) by the Saturn person are stimulating and challenging. Similarly my mars was inconjunct his Saturn. So we both played this on-off hurtful attraction.

    And of course his moon opposite my Venus, which mirrors my natal moon-Venus.

    Interesting stuff this astrology!! Thankful we have these tools to help our growth

  4. Maybe try some (light) bdsm? LOL seriously though, could really open up some of that cold wall feeling while working with the focus/control/power dynamic in a fun way? IDK

  5. I’ve always ditched the idea of how everything is related to our parents and childhood blah blah blah just to realize last Christmas that I had (again!) been in a relationship with a child-man for almost six years feeling sorry for him when he was indeed a bad bad person. The sex was very creative. I’ve got Mars and Venus in Libra (his solar sign) and he has Mars in Scorpio (my sun). A lot of introspection later I do come to realize that this kind of man are familiar to me and comfortable because they remind me of my father. The thing is: by dating these men I came to know my father than ever. Because they remind me of my father than my father must had some traits of them right? So although I thought I knew everything about my parents dysfunctional marriage I “interviewed” my mother. Armed with the modern knowledge of what a Narcissist is and more aware of the disguised f@ckery it does I made incisive questions. stolen money adultery gamble and very questionable morals were the answer about my father. The thing I should have figured this years ago but my father was a mixed bag of the best dad and the worst dad so I had mixed feelings and closed my eyes. So until I realized how my father was what kind of man he was I was always finding myself attracted to assholes. If there was a chauvinist looser mama-boy it was like some kind of spell over me. I’m hoping that’s over but I’m more inclined to think of it like a bad addiction when you have to know yourself and choose the good choice.
    I think Mystic is super right about how some people use sex and charm to cover up all the normal qualities they lack. Again it’s like drugs. But the thing is that there is even a better sex than that I’ve came to realize!
    Maybe your Saturn guy and your Mars guy are two faces of the same coin and neither one is good for you? Maybe ditching that dichotomy you can find someone even more in tune with you?

  6. Yes, a silent hell.

    For them both, i guess.

    You have worked this out, both in relationship and out of it, slowly giving yourself the nurturing space to get into the pain and truth. Space can be good alone, and relationship can help us see what we wouldn’t see alone.

    We love your voice here, PF. Well, i know im not the only one who does. I can’t even tell you a “sorry” when i read those scars and wounds, sorry i can’t. Just a few days ago i was told for the first time ever that the way i talk about those sorts of things is really dissonant with the emotion. So, i’ll just mention that to show how much i appreciate and am amazed by your expression.

    I can’t imagine what that would be to feel and hold in the face of someone who was confident in themselves and their sexuality as being any kind of standard to meet, or expectation to satisfy. I’m pretty sure that my imagining of any else’s relationship must be lacking the nuance of the intimacy. I have left un-nuanced situs pretty quickly so i have no idea what other things might keep people together. Nowadays i know there’s more than i must “see” in others’ relationships, but it’s hard for me to stay where the layers are not deeper. I still trust my intuition but i cannot judge what i “see” like i used to.

  7. I do not know how to get out of my Sag/Gem/Scorpio rut. Of the last ten+ years.

    First love was Gem with a Scorpio moon. Years of every man I dated or was even attracted to as a Gem with a Scorpio moon (and of course none of them believed in astrology – their jaws would drop when I said I knew their sun and moon sign just from my response to them).

    Then I married a Sag with Scorpio rising. Dated a Sag with Scorpio Somewhere in there (Venus?). Just recently found myself attracted to someone for the first time in years… and was disappointed to find he’s a Sag Scorpio moon.

    I am skipping over the Aries I was super into who recently died, but otherwise it’s all Sag and Gem and Scorpio (but not actual Scorpio suns, of course). I’m Gem rising, Triple Virgo in 5th house, Sag Saturn and Uranus in the 7th.

    I was so hoping that after this harrowing Saturn return I’d go for a nice Leo or Cap or something.

  8. I’d be suggesting this is a great space for relationship therapy and to unpack your own relationship style. What are the relationship goals? If it is all just about the primal experience, what are the relationship boundaries?

    Clearly there is compatibility here but there is restlessness in yourself. I suggest soul mining your own territory for the answers.

    I’d hate to see the astro markers for my back catalogue of shags. Such as the Leo who lied about his Capricorn status only to be outed as a married pro golfer on the local news.

    1. Yes that’s correct PF.

      My past is difficult for me to deal with at times, it would be very challenging to find someone I could trust with that.

  9. safe / unsafe should a tinder category. 🙂
    I’m guessing though that you feel you can ultimately handle the mayhem, escape in the nick of time. So really the unsafe guy is just as predictable as the safe guy ?
    I can tell you now that the baddest guys on the planet (thats Michael Jackson bad) are not distinguishable from your average joe. The surest sign that some one is not bad is if they dress or behave that way. They’re like bad boy wannabees in my book.
    Anyway what’s wrong with safe ? It’s a good attribute to have when you’re a passenger in a jet for example.
    If your going to jump off a cliff with a small parachute you do want to plan to land safely at the bottom. Then you can enjoy the thrill. The most dangerous and exciting activities are usually carried out by people who prioritize safety.
    Surely there’s a subset of safe called safe & sexy ?

    1. There is such a subset, but it is easier for some to locate or identify than others.

      Or you could be like me and with what feels like a newfound nascent confidence towards the cute-enough and also interesting and with high-functioning social skills triple libra, and in a spectacularly ill-judged move, inexplicably fuck it all up anyway, and then try to understand how you manage to continually be such a blind moron when it comes to romantic possibilities.
      Life in this city is an endless circus of rejection and self doubt at every level. 🙂

      1. Why see it as all your fuck up ? Did he not play his part ? If your intention was to communicate your interest in him, sort of put it on the table, then you did nothing wrong. His reaction made you feel bad about yourself. Was he rude ? Awkward ? That’s his problem Pi, not yours.

        1. He did not see the value of Pi. HIs f up.

          Um, i think that sounds like a math pun? Sorry, i’ll leave it as a signpost for myself. This happens when i’m processing connections *sigh*

  10. I’m repetitively connecting to men with 1. mars in scorpio and 2. mars square ascendant 3. saturn/chiron angles with my nn or ascendant. SPOOKY! The current man is SO Magnetically attractive yet I know there’s trouble brewing with his anger. And this current libran man also has moon opposite venus…
    Yet I can’t pull away until all hell breaks loose with these guys [and then I still tolerate a bit more hell with their anger until I absolutely know it’s intolerable].

    There’s other guys around and I’m not as attracted to safe. Dammit! Recently am looking at my own habitual anger reactions [my mars in intercepted Libra in 12th house] to see what’s happening with my own emotion that I’m not owning, seeing it instead in the other.

    Why oh why do I not obey my brain in stead of my loins?

  11. I feel a bit sorry for Mr Saturn. Is this a recurring situation for him ? Has he had previous success with other women ? Has he been wounded by a previous relationship ? This is important info.
    You come across as very confident in your own abilities 🙂
    Is this a bit intimidating to him ?
    Anyway, a relationship where the sex doesn’t work is usually a temporary one.
    It’s one of those issues that won’t go away. Sex is like a glue that seeps through a relationship. When it’s an issue everything keeps falling apart at the crucial moment.
    The other possibility is that Mr Saturn has sensed your attraction to men that aren’t like him. He maybe has witnessed the chemical reaction of you and those other men. That can create a feeling of vulnerability that would kill a lot of guys libido and be very wounding in all sorts of ways.
    Lastly, sexual confidence in a woman or a man can be misconstrued as aggression. A less confidant person will put up barriers to that perceived aggression to protect themselves.
    The real nub of this problem can be solved by open conversation, and both parties coming together here as equals. Oh and a couple MDMA tabs might break the ice nicely. 🙂 MDMA was originally designed to be used for couples counseling and it works a treat.

  12. I’m looking at the Mars/Venus thing more as speaking to the fact that sexual chemistry is important to you in relationships. With that said, speaking to your current situation my questions are: Is your partner committed to working on the sex issue? And to you: Knowing the physical end of things is important to you, could you see yourself in this relationship long term if the situation stays exactly the same? His libido (or perhaps lack thereof) and/or performance is *his* deal; there’s really nothing you can do about it. You DO NOT want to put yourself in the position where you’re either the carrot on the stick or the whip across the back, because it creates a dynamic ripe for resentment for the both of you. You can support and create a safe space, but ultimately it’s his work to undertake or not.

    I don’t know exactly what the issue(s) is/are, but if this is an issue where he’s sexually closed-off, his inhibitions are *his* deal and he has to organically find the motivation within himself to want to work on that (or again, not) as he sees fit. All the lingerie, kink, and role-playing in the world will not fix this if *he* doesn’t see it as a problem and/or doesn’t want to fix it. If it’s an *ahem* mechanical issue, there can be a lot of shame for men in addressing this with their healthcare providers and this hangup can impede resolution of the issue. Which, BTW, is not likely to get any better with age when testosterone levels naturally start falling off.

    Some people are also ace, and that’s totally OK – it’s also entirely possible he’s just not a sexual person and rather than pathologize it by looking at him as if there were something “wrong” with him for not having a very high libido, we have to respect wherever he’s at. If this is the case, what I *can* say to you is this: He’s a “safe” choice on paper, because I can guarantee a guy like this will never cheat on you. But is that really all you want; fidelity? You sound like you want passion and with what you’ve shared so far I’m not sure if he can deliver that. Similarly, finding someone that gives you the passion but not the fidelity is merely the other side of this coin – as the kids say, “Get you a man who can do both!” If you do have Moon and Venus in hard aspect (which wasn’t clear to me; you state they are on opposite sides of the chart but don’t specifically say they make an opposition aspect), this is hard because you’re likely to have difficulty finding partners you like and are attracted to that meet your domestic needs (security, home, family). If this is indeed the case, try to look for the common ground between the two signs involved in this polarity; every axis has a balancing point. Good luck to you <3

    1. Yes, that is a power axis. To have someone’s fidelity, while feeling like one’s emotional/psychosexual infidelity can be mitigated by the desire to teach or help them to one’s “advanced level”. Really, they are different sexual expressions of other parts of our natures, and noone has to reach any goal.

      Does he feel he wants to achieve erectile function or greater libido for his own pleasure, or to make the goal of satisfying someone else?

  13. Hang out for someone who can offer you both. Break up with Mars-Saturn dude, because you’re blaming him too much for his pain. You actually aren’t emotionally available to him. If you were, you’d be willing to stick around & do the sexual healing work & the slow tantra. But you can’t, & maybe he can’t (it’s an excuse not to connect more deeply). So that’s ok.
    Have casual sex with Venus-Mars men until that gets boring again. But take responsibility for your vibe. You’re a Libra creating these two polar choices, projecting them outward. “But you… but they…” no honey, only YOU are standing in the middle. Give in to wholeness & seek balance. Perhaps you’ll find that an emotionally mature sexual relationship with yourself is what you really need before you can attract something healthy from others. Tough love, a Moon in Aries Gem.

    1. It sounds like you have moon in Aries (mars ruled) opp Venus in Libra (Venus ruled) so yes, the Venus-Mars pattern is in you.
      And I meant that he is letting his pain be an excuse, it’s becoming a whole existential drama. I say that with personal experience of sexual pain & trauma and therefore without judgement. Pain feels defeating & it is a head trip. If he won’t soften around it & share & be vulnerable and find different ways to be strong there won’t be deeper intimacy, which is what you’re seeking through sex anyway.

      1. Yes, Mars-Venus said, “is the reason we have been together so long as I really hoped it could change with the right lover (me?)”

        And you might wonder what the learning is for Ms Mars-Venus in terms of sexual confidence and sexual appreciation. Can you appreciate you own sexuality enough to truly give space to and appreciate another’s, without holding it to your standard or “level”? Because you are looking at it as a gift you can give, and that brings a whole lot of looking at what a gift is. Libra may see it as a contract, and it may be just something you put utmost thought into and then let free from yourself. He might be somewhere in the that equation too: is he always receiving and unable to, or to give of himself and let it go as well? If a workshop is going to tell this, you might be surprised at the “tell”.

  14. Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot

    It sounds like mr Mars Saturn is recovering from testicular cancer or something (Saturn has been harsh to him?) or is a sexual abuse survivor?

    It sounds like this person needs some healing? And then, maybe things will get better in the bed chamber?

  15. Yes I agree with MM on the Madonna-Whore thing. And whether or not things with Mr. Mars-Saturn prove workable–and it does sound like it’s worth really being mindful and trying to transform the dynamic–this seems like something to give attention to. Amidst #metoo stuff I’ve found myself thinking a lot about how the next step is about finding and enacting versions of eros where mutality, emotional openness, and passion are fused together, not opposed. Feminism has to work in the realm of fantasy, sex, and love just as much as in our public lives. Your Venus (or moon for that matter) is material for your to shape, not be acted upon.

    Wishing you lots of fearlessness and open-heartedness throughout all.

  16. So interesting! I personally have Mars conjunct Saturn in my natal chart (in Cancer, sign of both of their detriments ). And I have struggled with the Madonna-whore complex my whole life…argh. People I felt emotionally safe with were not very…attractive…to me. Anytime there was an element of danger, unreciprocated love, etc…it would spike my passion/obsession-meter to 1000. I am currently married to a lovely emotionally-safe with whom I do share good mars-Venus synastry, but truth be told I’m never over-the-top passionate about him. Sigh. I have a long-standing infatuation with a dude whose Mars-Uranus conjunction in Libra is biquintile my Saturn-Mars conjunction— I am so wild about him— from a distance of course. The madonna-whore complex plays on….

  17. My beloved also has Mars in Libra (opposite his ruling planet Jupiter, which fall exactly on my nodal axis) and i’ve fallen into the trap of over analyzing our Venus-Mars synastry. I have venus in Scorpio and mars in Aquarius. And i’d wonder, what would mars in Scorpio be like? Until the oracle prompted me to analyze my past lovers and I realized that I did in fact have sex with someone whose mars was conjunct my venus in Scorpio – he raped me. Damn that was a realization. I don’t mean to imply this is every mars in Scorpio but… if the universe wanted me to experience that positively I am sure that would have been divinely orchestrated. (Also I have asteroid Persephone conjunct my venus so….). This made me rethink how much stock I was putting in the venus-mars stuff in the context of a committed long term relationship. Besides, when my man owns his 12th house sun-Pluto conjunction (conjunct my venus) it is FIRE but it took a little bit of time and encouragement to make him feel safe enough to unleash that passion. With his mars in Libra he’s just bad enough to be good. I digress. My overall point is that, while I absolutely agree that it’s useful to look at these things in a chart, I have found it also helpful to pull back and look at the flesh and blood person in front of me for the full picture of everything they have to offer. Without this grounding it’s easy to get caught up in miserable “grass is always greener” thinking. Mystic does say that squares can become super powers once they are integrated – Mars-Saturn in any aspect sounds pretty hot to me! I like what Mystic is saying here about using your Venusian wiles to evolve your sexual chemistry. Slowly encourage him and build his confidence. Maybe he would be willing to go to a sex or tantra workshop or something! Sexual chemistry is so important but so is the rest of a relationship. It sounds like it’s worth trying to work it out if things are beautiful in every other way. You deserve a safe and harmonious relationship as well as intimacy and passion. Xoxo

    1. Mars-Venus Lover

      Hey BabySinclair,
      I do wonder if I have a grass is greener complex going on.. and being a Virgo I think over analysing is very apt for me. I’m trying to cultivate my intuition again as I’ve been very much in my head about this now the last attraction materialised.
      And I wonder.. would I have found this if it wasn’t mean to be?
      I get the idea of slowly building him & in fact it’s what I have been doing in our relationship. He has come along way already. I actually like the idea of doing a tantra or other sex workshop together

      1. Just wanted to say, he loves you so much and understands that sex is a passion for you, and he is working at it because he honours you.

        If you don’t mind my adding, he could find a space where he is working on this for himself. I mean, does he want to do this for you, or to connect with a part of himself, too?

        A workshop might be really good for him to notice his own connection to his sexual self. So it might start with you both, but it’s possible he might move into really needing that safe space (if you find a good workshop together) to explore his own attitudes and patterning, as well as his own bodily connection. (That doesn’t mean you have to leave him to do this alone, but it may just mean he knows he can take space in and away from workshop to connect with his sensory/sensual stuff and its emo/psychic connect.) I think it’s really important that in any type of growth, the person’s motivation is intrinsic, and not completely wrapped up with another, even if fully and lovingly supported by the other. In the end we only change if we’re fully and lovingly supported within ourselves. That works for you too: you are making a change as well in all of this x

        1. Mystic’s second pic might be something…not just now or in its explicit obvious meaning…but when we touch a lover anywhere and anytime, it’s adoration and appreciative love.

      2. Mars-Venus Lover if you like podcasts check out the Authentic Sex Podcast by Juliet Allen. It’s been a fantastic resource for me. She also has a course, a blog, a book and more. Her work has been my primer for my 8th house Uranus in Taurus transit. I have had great success getting back in touch with and centered in my body. This is powerful stuff, our bodies know A LOT and with screens more integrated in our daily lives I had no idea how cut off I was. For a lot of reasons.

  18. I feel like the poster is really searching/needing the two combinations put together. The sexual prowess of the first two men but the personalty of the third.
    What I would suggest is to try and find someone who matches your Venus with their rising or vice versa. If you are a Venus in Gemini then try to find someone who is a Gemini Rising or if you are a Libra Rising try to find someone who is a Venus in Libra. What do you all think, is this what she needs to be looking for? Me personally, I am a Venus in Scorpio but I have Saturn in my 8th so I have that give and take of off the charts passion and the fear of true intimacy all at the same time lol.

  19. I don’t understand what the term “Mars-Saturn” is? Does this mean the man is a Venus in Capricorn or his Mars is in Capricorn? I am only relating Capricorn with this because Saturn is Caps planet but I don’t know if that is what she means. Also, I don’t understand what is going on in the bedroom that is this bad, is this guy just a virgin and he is learning the ropes, can he not physically perform (ED, micro-penis, etc) or is he just unwilling to do anything?

    1. Mars-Venus Lover

      Mars in aspect to Saturn, in his case Sun-Mars Square Saturn. When we first dated he had ED which happened every time. He was also closed off emotionaly. Now after 2.5yrs he doesn’t have the ED but still he has a low sex drive, I don’t and he doesn’t know how to complement or flirt I guess. He seems like he won’t ever understand my passion with sex is how I feel, whether this is true or not. But he tries hard and is the reason we have been together so long as I really hoped it could change with the right lover (me?)

      1. Oh OK. I understand now. He may have had the low sex drive because of the ED, and once you go down the ED road for whatever reason, it is pretty embarrassing for a guy. However, if after 2.5 years the issue is still there perhaps he should seek medical help. He may have low testosterone which is causing all of this.

    2. She says mars is square saturn in his chart & specifically mentions pain. I think the original problem, at least, is not his fault.

  20. So much to consider here. Thank you MM for the Mating in Captivity reminder; its author Esther Perel was excellent interviewed in the autumn on BBC woman’s hour. Am ordering it now.

    Speaking as a Libra Venus & Mars, I can certainly relate both to your easy airy breeziness and need for the same and, if I am honest, to the ease of being lured. It is frustrating on so many levels and can make me feel like I am being pathologically selfish, superficial, self-sabotaging – even for just feeling the multiple attractions (and you know, kind of spinning them along a liiittle bit) even if not actually going there physically.

    But what if it actually is an airy need, to feel that ease and flow and multiple simultanepus relatingness? How to find that in one partner or in one’s own life perhaps – an occupying flow of creativity, active openness to spontaneity in the daily, stimulation via scent and flavour, sound and thought.. contact online or wherever with friends.

    What if, some of this need for breeziness is not actually an insanely low boredom threshold coupled with a need for sensual involvement with the world at large?

    One possible answer might be exploring the energy of your natal venus house and/or ascendant? When i get back into regular yoga and running my 9th house venus (and Sagg rising) seem to feel happy.

    But yes, that home territory of Venus in Libra seems to make it so strong and susceptible to the pull of extra goo-goo Venus-Mars synched attractions. My current squeeze/beau has a Venus-Mars link-up in Aquarius: his Venus trine my Mars-Sun and Mars trine my Venus-Pluto – all in air, and currently that’s exactly what I’m walking on!!

    1. Mars-Venus Lover

      Lotus-Flower you have voiced exactly my concerns haha.
      That these attractions are just nothing, airy fantasies and will pull me away from the truth of our relationship.
      I think I do have an insane need for flirting and attention, part of the Venus parcel. And I so understand how you feel pathologically selfish & superficial… that is just how I feel, especially as a Virgo Sun I have a great need for humility, but Venus running the show feels SO good how can you not?
      The flow of creativity.. that following Venus allows.. in fact as a teenager (I am 25yrs) I was very artistic, creative and loved fashion. I think life is calling me back to my artistic side as I have stifled it. I do not have any creative outlets other than reading and dream analysis. Perhaps Venus is calling me to discover pleasure again, but it doesn’t need to be through a person but the mind.

  21. if it’s any help, moon in hard aspect to venus (they are opposite yeah?) can be problematic if you’re attempting to make a delicious sandwich out of scorching sexual chemistry and the deep peace of emotional harmony and mutual self acceptance. The shop always seems to be out of one of the ingredients. It’s not a harmonious aspect. (I have moon square venus, but i have venus in aries and moon in cap, so it’s a differentish set of vibes)
    as i’ve got a bit older and examining some personal beliefs about my self, I have started to meet men who – OR, I have started to recognise certain things – i can see meet a higher set of needs within me, or, I can recognise them better as individuals in the relationship and enjoy the genuine human interaction rather than my Aries venus demanding whatever it is. Not Surprisingly I seem to be going through a phase of men with strong personal Libran conjunctions to my pluto and sometimes north node
    Like, mars in libra men are really fun and pleasant to be around. I’ve never shagged one (yet) as it’s a pretty new vibe and I’m usually too sharp-tongued / hot-headed to be of any particular interest to one unless the rest of the astro lines up.

    you can’t live in a pleasure-less relationship . that’s just hard work. Can your Aries moon cope? like someone else said, maybe this mars saturn guy is on his own masculinity psyche research trip that’s for him to figure out … where are your respective chiron’s? speaking of psyche where is your psyche? where is your sun??

    also what is the emotional impact for you of these incompatible men? are you harbouring beliefs about not being able to have good love or about not being seen or accepted?

    the moon compatible guy is a progression. but the disharmony is there. So the vibe has evolved and will continue to do so. anyway, if nothing else I wrote made sense, – good luck!

    1. Yeah. I too have Moon square Venus. And their signs and other aspects mean the Moon is all stable and serious, while Venus is all sparkly and sexy. So guess which one I go with. (The square seemingly makes it impossible to have both together.) That said, I did have a long relationship with a man with his Sun conjunct my Moon and it was weird and definitely not something I want to repeat, so who knows.

    2. Pi, thank you for this! I love what you said here: “I have started to meet men who…i can see meet a higher set of needs within me, or, I can recognise them better as individuals in the relationship.”

      It feels like a YES to me. I have Venus in Aries too, square Mars in Cancer and have been thinking deeply about this split. Like being super impatient and aggressive with sex, but then getting to a point where I desire tenderness, and yet to the other person have I never indicated a need for tenderness, so I just stop having sex with them because it doesn’t feel right anymore and I don’t know how to make the switch.

      I love the idea that with growth and my awareness of it, the men that come into my life will be more able to meet both sides.

      1. Yes I’m an Aries with mars in cancer.
        My main relationships have been the other cardinals. Lots of cancer, Capricorn and libra. In my family also, lots of cardinals.
        My suggestion with the Aries horn v cancer tenderness cross wires is to look into tantric sex.
        Penny Slinger and Nic Douglass put out a great digest of tantric practices called Sexual Secrets. Basically before I read that book I had pretty much everything the wrong way around. It’s taught me how to combine that Aries fire and the ‘what’s wrong with right now’ attitude with the cancers need for the slow dance and gentle touch. The biggest mistake I was making was thinking more about satisfying myself than the other. I had no idea that the greatest pleasure comes from giving pleasure. When you say tenderness I read that as bliss. That highest of sexual states. You can’t rush that.

        1. Thank you David! This is great information! Slow dance and gentle touch sounds lovely! I think for me, there is a certain fear of slowness, because that is where I will be most seen. So I keep it fast and flashy so no one can see my vulnerability. I will be reading on this, thank you!

      2. as a completely random thing, i;ve just watched a film that starred tom cruise, often the hot-headed but also emo type, if that’s a thing.

    3. Pi Libra infused men make sense as this is the “polarity” of Aries as you probably already know. Evolutionary astrology – Geoffrey Wolf Green writes great books about this…for sexuality and relationships…

      Perhaps the inverse energy, nature of this dynamic is inherently helpful, teaching one to transition…through relationships.

      1. hopefully, ASR.. it’s certainly a wierd journey. last couple of days i’ve just been wondering if i actually just forswear libra vibe and stick with hot-headed rampaging aries exhibitionism. it’s really much easier.. .also more fun and less fussy and exclusion-y

        1. Yep, Aries north node here…Libra south node habits have proved too mild, smooth at times when more action was needed…lol Aries Saturn is the crops I bear (in “fall”) but as far as grit goes it’s useful.

    4. Pi Libra infused men make sense as this is the “polarity” of Aries as you probably already know. Evolutionary astrology – Jeffrey Wolf Green writes great books about this…for sexuality and relationships…

      Perhaps the inverse energy, nature of this dynamic is inherently helpful, teaching one to transition…through relationships.

    5. Mars-Venus Lover

      Hey Pi,

      Yes Venus opposite Moon and across the ascendant-descendant angle.
      I have come to recognise I struggle with feeling I have to choose to be safe and nurtured (Moon) or feel sexy and fun (Venus) as I’m attached to two different types of men which seem to fulfil one of the other.

      You know funny you say Chiron. I have never been into Chiron, seeing the asteroid as more Liz Greene version of the unhealing wound.. but noticed the Chiron transits and just got gifted a Chiron book. I think we both have a case of wounded healer attraction going on too. We both are healing ( or dependent?) on each other as we both have very different strengths and vulnerabilities.

      I am Virgo Sun-Mercury-Jupiter closely conjunct in 12th.
      He has Libra Sun-Scorpio Mars in square to both Chiron & Saturn.
      I have Chiron sextile Venus, trine Moon. I think I easily fall for types I can mother and heal through my moon but then Venus kicks in.. or maybe my Uranus squares.. and thinks yuck.

      Thanks for your insight

      1. wow that’s a lot of 12th house.

        chiron as unhealng wound does sound kind of festering. I wouldn’t be into that description either! fwiw, maybe go to the Greek myth and see what else comes up for you at some point.

        intense scorpio mars square saturn and chiron would be a big deal. he’s only young too. as a Libra sun maybe his raison d’etre is harmony in relationships but that square may not be delivering that. Mars in the regenerative scorpio, and the power of chiron – it might be a few years, maybe his saturn return could be pretty tricky, assuming you’re a similar age, chiron can be awful if it pings a personal chart detail but there’s also an incredibly healing process if given the opportunity to take place
        maybe DL has a really good point – saturn is structure, and offering a structure (tantric practice) as a way to mediate or safely turn towards his own mars scorp healing processes could be a really spiritually (12th house) generous (jupiter) way to grow (jupiter) and heal /fix (virgo sun, chiron) together (libra)

  22. Ohhh yes. Men with Venus in hard aspect to Neptune and Moon square or opposition Saturn. SO FUN. I guess because I’m a Venus/Saturn/7th house Saturn person so people with heavy Saturn are super sexy to me, vom. I also have Moon/Mars/Nep as my main chart signature so I guess that’s the Neptune dudes.

  23. This is screaming Neptune at me. Where is your Neptune in all this, Mars-Venus lover? Also you did not mention where your own Mars is. Mars is what drives you. Do you have positive Mars-Venus aspects in your own chart? Where is your Moon? Is it at odds with your own Venus-Mars? I also think you are enjoying the pull of your Venus too much (being an attractive Venusian is fun!) to worry about being in a significant relationship right now. Why not just enjoy playing the field and let Mr. Mars-Saturn go? Or at least have a heart-to-heart with him about what is missing in your relationship. With Moons conjunct, he will surely listen.

    1. Actually, you did say your Moon is opposite your Venus, so I’m guessing Moon in Aries? Yeah, that is at odds with your Venus. Your Moon is going to be in sync with your Mars no matter what (since Aries is ruled by Mars), so your Mars might be the key to all of this. Your Venus is just the honey pulling in all those flies (and some bears, lol).

      1. Mars-Venus lover

        Bingo. It is neptunian. This is where I can’t decide if I’m delusional or realistic haha. I have always known what I have wanted so I’m struggling with the shifting of this dilemma in me.

        Yes I have moon in Aries opposite Venus in Libra, both in square to Neptune conjunction Uranus. So Moon & Venus square Neptune. I also have a few planets in the 12th house. So I’m well conversed with Neptune’s veils and layers.

        My mars is well aspected I believe.
        It’s at 0 degrees Cancer conjunct the midheaven, also square my 12th planets Sun-Mercury-Jupiter. I have always had drive but it can get muddled in expression through cancer.

        Interesting thoughts LWhitefield, thank you

    2. I want to know Neptune too!! For my attractions it’s all Mars-Neptune aspects.

      What aspects do you have to your Venus A Mars-Venus Lover?

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