Mystic advises a Gemini who has had a bad run of cheating Sagittarius men.
Dear Mystic,
I am a Gemini with Pisces rising. I have had a lifetime of falling for the wrong sort of man. My fiance then was a low Sagg with major commitment issues. We broke up on the day Obama got elected after I found out that he had cheated on me with a random girl. I thought I had dealt with that whole situation as I rebuilt my life and got back to school. We are now good friends.
I find myself today in the same situation with another Sagittarius. We have been on and off since March and just like my ex; he also cheated on me with a random girl. And we broke up last night because he said he was not ready for monogamy.
I wished him luck and turned down his offer of friendship because I do not even like him anymore. Suddenly, the similarities hit me, and it feels like I’m back to where I was four years ago.
Did I miss the lesson from the last time? Everyone told me he was no good, just like with the ex-fiance, and I found myself going back to him when I didn’t even like him. This is deja vu. The only difference here is that I am less of a love zombie this time around. Even the Oracle scolded me and said I could do much much better
Please help me make sense of all this. Thank you.
Confused Gemini
Dear Confused Gemini,
Don’t blame yourself for this crap. You’re not doomed to cheating Sagittarius men or unfaithful lovers of any sign. Four years is not a lifetime, it’s a learning phase. This scenario could occur for several reasons:
(1) You’re young and the potential mates in your scene are in a group that marketers charmingly classify as the ‘masturbatory stag market’ -they can be sold practically anything with a sex-sell and are predominantly Mars-testosterone driven. They want to experience you erotically or ‘score’ but are not yet equipped for a more multi-level merger.
(2) You’re attracted to the wildfire nonchalance and big-everything thought style of the Sagittarius to the extent that you’re overlooking their signals or unsuitability for fidelity. It’s also a hard but worthwhile lesson: many keen cheaters talk a lot about honesty and principles.
(3) You’re doing a Pisces Rising fantasy trip and projecting Great Love status onto the people you find sexually attractive. You know the vibe – it’s super-Neptunian: “I’ve got the hots for X, therefore X and I are past-life lovers in a destiny configuration…”
(4) You’re choosing partners who don’t really have that much to offer you due to some form of low self-worth. Consider therapy and remember, just because a person desires you; it does not mean they value you.
(5) Finally, that you just had a bad run of cheating Sagittarius men because your mutable nature – Gemini/Pisces! – is ultra-alluring to them. The fact they’re inadequate in the long run is frustrating but one day they won’t just think of you fondly, they’ll be in your in-box, whining for forgiveness and hoping that perhaps you may consider gracing their bed once again.
Hey ya Sweetie, was in Europe when the Peacock throne was sent into exile along with his beauteous wife. How convoluted Iran has become since the Shah was deposed, it was a magical place then, not perfect but sheesh compared to now it’s like a chook running around without it’s head.
That was said about France too when it offed it’s royalty’s heads.
Men need to feel essential, like a child all the attention needs to be focused on them.
MM u totally make an LZ of me with your Oracle.
Maybe so! It’s been a hard past 2 months for me in a way. I feel like I am dealing with so many insecurities and abandonment issues. On the other hand there is this driving force in me to get to the bottom of things and lead an authentic life even if it means I die alone!
So with you on that too! You can’t live free if you fear being alone. But fearing what you want…I’m so mutable,I’m not even sure what I want. I just keep me borders. We’ll see who manages to get in. Lol!
Yeah I guess I should clarify that I don’ t tolerate cheating/lying from anyone in my life. The second I feel like someone close to me has crossed the line they are out. It’s easier to keep that boundary, however, when you are brutally honest with yourself about the relationship and where it is going.
I just know that I personally had to face my demons head on so that they would go away. It’s tricky, but it can be done. My attraction to people who were unavailable disappeared after I stopped fearing and denying it. Until you get to that place though, it doesn’t help to have people scold you for not making better choices or being stronger, and it doesn’t help to beat yourself up. If you were ready to be better, you would be!
If you are a Love Zombie, there is a reason. It’s not pretty, but you’ve got love the dark parts of yourself in the hope that something good and creative will come out of them. You’ve got to own your Zombiness before transform it into something positive.
It must be your moon in Leo – same as mine – because you are voicing my struggle right now. Virgo/Virgo-rising here. I want my relationships to be practical but my moon demands romance. Or some darker part of me that I need to bring to light.
Thanks for this post and for all of the Gemini/Pisces relationship discussion. I have been in an epically doomed (and embarrassing at this point) 12 year (yes, twelve) on-and-off again love affair with a lone-wolf (lioness) Leo and thought she was purged completely as of three months ago. I moved to another city, did the “nest and heal” thing while staying celibate so as not to do a nasty lesbian bar rebound :), and am in the process preparing to move out of state with a new job…so (I thought) I was on my way to better and much brighter things. Of course, though, I got the “I still love you and think of you every day” email out of the blue three days ago. “Hello, zombie! There you are again…and let me guess–you still can’t ‘be with me’even though you love me. Just wanted to see if I was still here…”
Anyway, I am glad that I found MM since so much I’ve always encountered about Gems has painted us as fickle and flighty romantically. Don’t get me wrong–I’m that way with all sorts of things in my life (haha), but the Picses Rising aspect has always had me clinging far too long to the impossible when it comes to love, giving second chances–and third and twentieth–just because I feel the “karma,” blah blah blah. I identified a lot with your situation, Confused Gemini; I am glad you are getting beyond your patterns. Mine are still, apparently, firmly in place. I’m working on it, though.
Just wanted to say thanks for your work, MM, and for all of the really thoughtful comments on here from the readers.
Happy weekend, all.
C.
‘Zero tolerance for love zombie crap’.
Doesn’t Saturn say you are bound to repeat the lessons until you learn?
Or as my Mother used to say ‘sleep with dogs & you get fleas’. Succinct.
I have a theory about Venus in Aries. I think it sometimes makes it so that your heart knows what it needs and is willing to go after it long before the rest of you is ready to accept the dark shadow secret of what you really want. You already admitted, Gemini, that you don’t really love these guys (at least not on a long-term level). Still, you are compelled to be with them. Maybe some part of you just knows that this is your path. These guys are meant to teach you something and the pain they bring is just a side-effect of the lesson you secretly want to be learning.
Looking back it seems like all of the broken relationships I had were trying to lead me to a great truth about myself. I had to finally admit that I wanted to be with people who weren’t right for me…not only admit it, but let myself go straight for it without delusion or guilt. My Venus in Aries knew always knew what I really wanted and once I started giving into it wholeheartedly I began to find out who I really was. It was scary at first, but I went from being ashamed of my love-zombie tendencies, to being proud of my bravery. Even break ups stopped hurting so much because relationships, long or short-term, good or bad, became something I was doing for me.
Give yourself credit that on some deep level you know exactly what you are doing, and are doing it for a reason that has yet to be revealed. Trust your Venus, I say. These guys are just mirrored signposts with arrows pointing straight into your own heart. The pain’s sucks, but if you weren’t strong enough to handle it you never would have started these relationships in the first place. Didn’t Karl Jung say something about your destiny lying hidden in the exact same place as your problems?
My moon in Leo also compels also me to advise this: they can leave you and they can cheat on you, but make sure they remember you. Be brave and be authentic, even if you have to throw a bowl of fruit across the room to make your point. Be ruthlessly genuine and true to yourself on such a level that all of their dishonesty will seem trite and cowardly. Do that and I guarantee you that these men will write poems about you when you’re gone. It’s all they will have. Keep going and soon you will be sooooo far beyond their reach.
This is lovely. I wish you could write me a book about Venus in Aries. I’m Venus in Virgo – but my daughter is Venus, NN, Mercury, and Sun in Aries. I’m already worried over her future heartbreaks. She’s such a tough one…she doesn’t like to let her hurt show.
Jess the X, a lot of what you wrote really resonates with me!! My Venus in Aries has led me some funny, sometimes quite dangerous places with some unusual men,
“Still, you are compelled to be with them. Maybe some part of you just knows that this is your path. These guys are meant to teach you something and the pain they bring is just a side-effect of the lesson you secretly want to be learning.”
Yep, that is me too, or it was me for many, many years. I would be absolutley consumed by the thought of x for a year, or two then fall for someone new, and think “x who?” Now I am older, the fire of all that is more banked, I am happy, in a good relationship, kinda settled.
The thing with venus in aries, aside from sex, and complications etc, is that we are generally genuinely friendly. At best, open hearted, accepting and curious, at worst somewhat callous and looking for the next sensation…
“At best, open hearted, accepting and curious, at worst somewhat callous and looking for the next sensation…”
OMG! Thank you Veronica. That is so how I feel! Most Aries I know are extremely generous and friendly…almost naïve…but hurt them and they move on to bigger and better things by the next day.
I’ve always tried to be open-hearted and accepting in relationships…probably to a naïve degree. I would go into all these things with so much fear, and then be like, “Ok, I’m going to give it my all…ride or die!” I’ve never cheated on anyone and I’ve always been super honest…mostly as a matter of pride. Lying to your partner always struck me as the epitome of cowardice.
The second I felt like someone was being dishonest with me or lacked integrity though I was like, “I’m DONE you Coward!!!” I would go through that weird Aries shock phase where you go from being on top of the world with your horns out to suddenly realizing that you are not being worshiped as you should be. Then you completely freak out as the mountain of your greatness crumbles beneath you.
After that point though I would be like, “ex-who?” One of the most empowering moments of my life actually was when I broke up with this guy who was a total jerk and left town without giving him my address or any way to find me. I drove down the highway with music blasting the whole way…and it was awesome. I was like, back to being an Aries…another day at the office…
I love to love. I BURN to love! But part of me loves to burn things down too…
That being said, I will not give up on finding a true, stable partnership…
What a beautiful realization! I had the SAME issue!!! I kept falling for guys who I FORCED myself to like…either I felt bad for them, their oddness…and just wanted affection. I mistook sex as LOVE…and kept getting hurt. So now, the guy I was sleeping with has been avoiding me. No pain, no hurt….It was what it was and I’m happily moving on. I’m a sag and maybe subconsciously I’ve been the one pushing them away. Either way, Not a love zombie anymore 🙂
I had this issue in my 20’s. It’s from thinking you can’t do any better or that better won’t come along so you try to “make a guy fit your parameters” because he’s available and he seems to want to sort of be with you. It’s a recipe for disaster and that’s why i don’t do it anymore. If i am not hot for someone, I forget him. I don’t change my mind.
down dating as MM described.
Once I stopped I have been much happier.
‘down dating’ – gems everywhere on this thread ….
Yay! I’m not the only confused Gem around! I’m just banging on Jupiter in Gem to see me through this mess. Plus Mars in Cap on my moon (3rd house) to counter Merc Rx in Gem.
I generally keep Saggis at hands length. Friends only. A bit worried for my Aqua/Crab moon/Pisces rising bff who just got into a relationship with a Sag. Their communications styles do not click. At least she’s an Aqua.
Mystic, you’re a genius. I’m a better person for being a fan and reader of yours. Also a FULLY REFORMED love zombie.
Also- if the guy was your fiancé I get why you thought you were in a committed relationship. Be easy on your self. It’s ok to know you don’t want to be a swinger. And you can let the next guy know too.
Hey, don’t feel bad. I got burned by a Cap/Super multi Sag earlier this year and I’m a highly suspicious Scorpio with multi Sag planets myself, I should have know but I didn’t. Those kind of men can be charming and intoxicating, sadly to lots of people. It happens, then it happens again and you think it’s your fault for not being more aware or you start to feel like it’s karma or like there are no good guys out there. It’s not true, it’s just life and we all have our ‘type’ for better or worse. From now on you’ll be hyper aware of that, take anything else that comes your way super slow and don’t let yourself be truly involved until you know who they are and what they can offer you on all levels.
I agree!! It’s all about maintaining your borders. That’s life. You can’t own their bad behavior. You know what you’re about. The gooey part is in doubting yourself. Chin up! Mars in Cap, lol!
agreed. Im bed bound today and maybe its all the irish myth I’ve been reading today of late but work that aries. Relationships are an act of constant interaction, it’s hard to see it as an overall in some circumstances because the act is continuous awareness in the moment re how to deal rather than a predestined pattern. 2 things also, perhaps 3
-Mystic has a lot of points in here
-Don’t get all victimy, how the hell is it your responsibility to stop people from cheating? People are either with you or they are open in my experience. Self honesty is not self guilting nor down talk. Assess your wants needs damages
-Venus and Mars in aries- does the blood not thrust for someone who is actually man enough to take you on? I’ve been reading heaps of stories about irish queens on quests today perhaps this might be your homework? lol
nb. this shit is hard, you only have your own head so look after it. If something sucks, go to the root, pull it out and change it. wish lists with a pen are for pussies. get in, go deep, be very fucking honest, come out, gold. xx
@Ms – you nailed it!!
epic pieces of gold in your reply!!
‘does the blood not thrust for someone who is actually man enough to take you on?’
& per @12hV – yer crackin’ me with:
‘wish lists with a pen are for pussies’
GOLD!!
love to you too babe xx
” wish lists with a pen are for pussies” OMG, Ms. you are so speaking my language!
Pisces sun and venus. so I agree with mystic “Zero tolerance love zombie” crap. NO MORE. *sigh* I’m trying. Better from before tho.
Did you ditch the guy who wanted you to strip to earn him some money? Do say you’re not still there, PP.
🙂 yes..he can strip for his damn self!
*Pops champagne cork*
Congratulations Ms. Perfect!
Yo, Confused Gem..pardon the shortness of this as Mars now in Cap and am now sociopathic about work..my take. I think you also need to give credit where credit is due. Mars & Venus in Aries is pretty straight to the point, in short, if you like someone, you like them period. No ifs, buts, whatevers. If it looks like a couple, talks like a couple etc etc you know the drill.
So I think it isn’t so much that you’re being inappropriately lovelorn, but more that you tend to interpret what you receive by your own standards, that is YOU would probably only behave in such a way towards someone because you have deeper feelings for them and the exclusivity is tacit for you, albeit as we discover unfortunately one sided. Throw in the need to bond courtesy of your Moon in Libra and you get the recipe.
I suppose what I’m saying is that it isn’t so much that you have a pathological tendency to fall for somewhat sexually opportunistic Saggs/Sagg-types and are simply blind to this, but that perhaps you need to make some adjustments to what is actually being offered and the motivations behind it DESPITE it seeming to be more. Dare I even hazard that your Pisces Rising can be incredibly understanding towards space and freedom needs?
In short, I wonder if you were occupying your Venus/Mars Aries one way – direct in acquisition of a lover, expedience in getting into a relationship, when it’s time for you to work it differently i.e. being less tolerant of having your needs/boundaries crossed, making very firm statements about what you want and expect from the get-go.. sort of thing.
Hey hey isn’t Mars still in Sag??? I’m hanging out for the cappy action too! Should I just start now, is that what you’re doing, lol??
don’t think I ever stopped? I’m like in some alternate perma mars in cap universe.. sigh. It goes into Cap tomorrow 6pm my time.. great, a working weekend.
hey angel – am breaking my no working on weekend rule over here ATM – peddling hard the plagued by Merc Rx tech hell – screens plague laboriously by spinning wheels & devices are newish / & recently tended by tech guru. grrrrrrrrr
appreciated yr reply to CG the penny dropped a little re the picses rising in me – thx!!
men at my end are being stressed out jerks
off to see the guru now – operation health blitz has begun
& thx MM for tips re knuckle down thru the party season – am hearing you babes!!
ps time for a new blog ID. Me thinks – the publicist thing was last century. Literally!!
Hey just wondering what time Mars goes in Cap tomorrow? Busting my lady bits waiting this one out so I can fire on all cylinders as soon as it gets out of void!!!
I’m telling you i started feeling it last night…it was a definite gearshift… i’m natal Mars in Capricorn.
Same!
I think mars has just got in there but mars is still a few more hours? I’m itching to get going but horoscopes saying to wait!
lol re: Liz & Rich 😀
I personally think both guys acted like douchebags and I wouldn’t be friends with either. Yes, it takes two to tango, so maybe the lesson is to use the Aries energy rather than potentially giving it away to a guy when in relationship. But I think now that you’ve recognized the pattern you won’t miss any red flags next time – and you will give off a vibe that demands respect and you won’t take this kind of crap from anyone. Well done!!
the fact that youre less of a love zombie this time MEANS you did learn your lesson the last time, only maybe not ALL of it. but then again, sometime once is not enough.
the tightest aspect in my chart is a Venus square Pluto. ergo, all my relationships have been toxic, mostly fate-crossed. i have a Mars(in Aries) sq Neptune too, n most of my guys have been Mars-Neptune so you can imagine the merde. 🙂 However, you NEED to work your Aries in such situations. And any Leo. If you have it. And youll come out unscathed. 🙂
PS. I also worked my Mutables.
Nice work on the pattern recognition. I’m also Gem and Pisces rising and had the same pattern for many years – I think I’ve finally broken it, but it still takes constant awareness! What Mystic said about Pisces rising having a tendency to go goo-goo and place more emphasis on a relationship that’s really just casual in the other person’s view seems right on point.
I can also say make it simple. Go for the guys who treat you right – I myself have been really surprised with that result. I never expected to be with the person I’m involved with, but he’s perfect for me. My best friend and loves me to pieces. Good luck!
Thank you all for helping me realise how apt my pattern-recognition skills are this time around. I definitely intend to rock my mars-venus in aries, and indulge in ME.
Cheers
o god. these saggi men stories are freaking me out.
current situation is a saggi man. and as a saggi rising, i get it, understand it, but do i really want to play in that pool?
It’s funny…. I know ALOT of Saggis and they are all monogamous. Truly.
Ditto Woohoo!
same here. most of the saggs i know are not the unfaithful kind but ive heard a lot abut how they are freedom loving and such.
Weird. I’ve never met a faithful Sag – male or female, but trust that such types do exist.
I honestly don’t think you ‘missed’ the lesson first time around. Prehaps this was one BIG lesson that unfortunately meant the situation had to repeat itself for you to understand the wider scope of things, does that make sense?
Sounds like you have a lot of mutable and cardinal energy in you, I’m the total same. I was with a loser for yeaaaaaaaaaaaars and I kept going back to him even though I didn’t like him, what the hell is that?
At the time we don’t realise and we do what we think we need to do. So don’t feel like an idiot or regret any of your actions. It brought you were you are today and that’s what matters. You may or may not be ready to move on but you’re definitely moving forward and understanding our past is the only way to enter our future.
Rest up girl, prehaps a bit of me me me me time. Like, doing EVERYTHING you like doing. And only do that for a while. Honestly eff men. Bit over that species at the moment.
I agree. I think lessons repeat to break us out of patterns. So while the second time may be hard, it’s not AS hard or confusing as the first. Sounds like you have better borders and know what you want so that’s great.
What MM says makes sense to me as in work your Aries bits, and move on. Congrats on your early pattern recognition too, I have to confess it took me a lot longer to recognise I was repeating the same projection thing on diff guys for years…I worked my Aries venus a bit too much
Ok.. Hmmm. As a Gem/Pisces rising/Cap Moon/Venus in Toro/Mars in Aqua.. I agree with Mystic – I remember the time when I thought believing “he is the one’ would translate into “now and ever” kind of relationship.
I think Pisces rising can be a hopeless romantic at best, totally delusional at worst. Unless we exercise other aspects in relationships, Pisces rising would go on living in a dream world – with no regard for the other person, his/her wishes, behaviors, etc.
But if there is one thing Pisces does best, it is pattern recognition. It takes a while to see it, but once you see it, it is yours. So congratulations. You are done with this lesson. From my experience, your next lesson may be about learning how to be independent in a relationship..
AGREED! Pisces rising and venus here
And Cap moon and aqua mars 😉
😯
Work your Gemmy CG! 😯
I’m Multiple conjunct Gem with Pisces Rising and once went out with a Crab, the Pisces goo goo in me thought it was love, connection whatever whereas the Gemini in me was being suffocated and wanted out! I love Crabs but it doesn’t work that well with my Gemmy stuff 😯
I’m really aware of Saggs when I go out, they are like a mirror when you’re having a great time, they’ll match you but that’s where I leave it. Loads and loads of fun but the one’s I known have multiple partners upon multiple partners. 😯