Am I Astrologically Destined To Be Single?

A Triple Virgo asks if some people are astrologically destined to be single?  There are some astrological alignments that make relationships less central for some people but fated to never find a partner? No. 

Hello Mystic!

This might sound like a silly question but I have been seriously wondering it for some time.  It’s the type of thing where people have knee-jerk answers that I don’t necessarily trust. So I’m asking you. 

Is it just better, astrologically speaking, for some of us to be single? I am a multiple Virgo and it is all in the 5th House. I really like creatively expressing myself through my relationship and a romantic partner is the perfect audience.

Plus I can morph from a “me” into a “we”, optimize my habits and interests to theirs (at the time, it never feels like a huge sacrifice to lose myself in the process). And have babies! I only have one, but I definitely want more.  It is a surprise and puzzle (and often feels like a tragedy) to me how I haven’t been able to manifest more in the last five years since I had my first. Though I get that having one amazing kid and being young and presumably fertile enough to have more is not a reproductive tragedy, objectively speaking.

Anyway. My Saturn (and Uranus) are in the 7th house.  With my Saturn Return, I ended up getting kicked out of my marriage, house, and basically my whole idea of my life. Two days later, I was happier than ever, feeling like a HUGE weight was lifted like I was FINALLY free, but from something I had very much wanted and chosen. 

Before Saturn Return, I didn’t think much beyond my partnership or close one-on-one friendships, though I’ve always had many acquaintances.  Now I find myself better nourished in many ways by the spiritual community than I ever was in partnerships. And our mystic path meets a lot of what I was getting out of sex. Honestly. A connection to something transcendent, being brought into my body…

But I do miss partnership, romance, and sexuality with someone other than just myself. It’s been a year and a half with me on my own, and longer since my ex-husband and I were really together in any functional way. Probably since 2013 (when I was madly in love with someone insane, but at least they loved me back).

I often feel like all I do is parent and work and show up to my (arduous) spiritual path. Sometimes sleep. Walk in the forest. Rewarding, all of it, but where’s the fun? And at the same time, I do not want to step off my path, or back into the depths of the horribleness of my last relationship. Maybe I’m just Saturn’s Bride in this life?

Meanwhile, I tried to get on a dating app, because when you work with birthing women and your kid goes to a school where every other parent is still married, you aren’t going to run into available men in the course of everyday life. I have been texting and been on a few dates with a guy my age.

He’s a Taurus, which is new for me.  He is nice, interested in me and works around my schedule. But he’s also, for ill-defined reasons, only starting on his career path. Parties a lot. Lots of kind of childish ego (his car has its own Instagram). This is obviously not going anywhere serious (or maybe anywhere at all) and my guidance on it is basically “Nah,” but I am so reluctant to give up the One Romantic Possibility in my life. 

Is this just it? Saturn, service and meditating on the karmic importance of not always getting what you want? Or is there hope for a relationship (and kids) for me again in this lifetime? If my whole chart and life experience seem to be warning me away from my relationship vibe (which yes, I probably lean on too heavily), is there any way to still have it in my life or is it better to just go full nun?  Especially when full nun means witchy shamanic goodness. Which is pretty cool.


Saturn’s Bride

Dear Saturn’s Bride,

This is a really interesting question.  Working with laboring mothers is probably the least-likely job in which to encounter available men that there is out there. So yes to the dating app but no to Taurus.

You sound deep, thoughtful and super-grounded, you’re clearly keen on having more kids and I am sorry but seriously…his car? Plus you’re obviously not feeling it. Let’s take Taurus as being a handy omen-indicator for what you do and don’t want in a partner.  Why not a fireman? Also a community worker and works weird shifts like you?

So it will be interesting to see what everyone else thinks but I think you’re on a roll with Saturn in Capricorn + Uranus in Taurus supporting your Earth Vibe. You’re also Saturn Return seasoned. And you seem to have a healthy appreciation for the advantages of a shamanic-single-Saturn’s Bride path along with an openness to a good relationship.

Actually, I think it is time to unleash a strategy based around Virgo Dating Efficiency. That or (safely) set a small fruit basket on fire and call the fire brigade? Or put a cat up a tree that needs to be rescued? I am feeling the fireman thing for you.

More broadly, there is no astrological “must be single” indicator in my opinion. People with loaded seventh houses seem to prefer to be partnered but sometimes they can be single but work in a solid creative collab, you know?

There are legs of our life journey that are best traversed without a one on one partner and eras that thrive off that. We live in an age where we don’t have to mate for societal sufficiency.

As Rebecca Traister points out in All The Single Ladies, we are also living in an unprecedented time in terms of advantages for single females. Relationships, in general, are in hyper-flux. In part, you are a dimension of that – one tiny facet at least.  You don’t have to stay in an unfulfilling or dangerous relationship. Brilliantly, you can support yourself and your child. You can follow a creative/spiritual path and have it be enough. Or form other styles of a fabulous relationship.

But astrologically, relationships are vehicles for growth and the big ones tend to come along with outer planet aspects to the Ascendant, Moon, and Venus.  I think you’re perfectly positioned to be either a very fetching bride of Saturn or to find an Mr./Mrs Virgo!

So you may not be astrologically destined to be single, as such, but more psychically wired to only respond to high-vibe rapport. And, that is so rare. I also think the witch-shamanic person in a relationship to Spirit is its own fierce joy.

What does everyone else think?

Image: Kees Van Dongen

127 thoughts on “Am I Astrologically Destined To Be Single?”

  1. Okay, an update. I decided to go for it with this Taurus. We went on a lovely date and had more fun than I have had in literally years. It was like opening a door in my psyche that I had sealed off for 4 or 5 years I subsequently spent about three days crying and now I feel great. Still not sure how our (his and my) lives may or may not connect given my many responsibilities and his different orientation, but I am happy whenever I see him or talk to him, and he is very kind and sexy. So I am just letting things unfold, in a very zen, un-Virgo way.

  2. I ponder this question quite often. When my life’s going well and I’m feeling positive I just get on with it, but then I’m depressed I want a partner and feel like ‘what is wrong with me?’ and ‘why can’t I find someone?’

    I do enjoy being single and in charge of my own life, having control of my living space and energy, being free. And I think we’ve been sold a lie, that fairytale ‘happy ever after’ bullshit that you need to find ‘the one’ otherwise your life is sad and incomplete. The modern idea of marrying for love is very recent in human history. Marriages were arranged to make family alliances, add property and money to families, and make sure offspring (that would inherit property) were direct descendants of the patriarch. Husbands and wives routinely had lovers and affairs. Marriage was more of a business arrangement.

    In a pagan matriarchal society the women hung out together communally and had sex with men randomly at the spring solstice festival (I think) and the children were brought up by the village. The whole idea of one person being ‘everything’ to you and ‘completing’ you is a modern construct. And there’s a lot of pressure to conform to that, but expecting one person to be your best friend, lover, co-parent, etc. doesn’t really work IMO.

    We need more fairy tales about girls who grow up to be adventurers, warriors, priestesses, pirates, empire builders, not just princesses who find their handsome prince at the end of the story!

    1. THIS! I have often wondered, we are the only species on this earth that are supposed to have intercourse with ONE person for the whole existence of our life. No other animal, mammal, insect, organism, plant you name it does this. How many marriages end in divorce? How many others are living in misery because they will go to hell if they divorce? How many married people CHEAT on one another? I am so sick of RELIGION, the cause of all this sh*t. Do this or you go to hell, be this way or go to hell, mate for life or go to hell, have a beer go to hell… where did this sh*t come from???

      1. Yes. Agree. Religion seems to me to be corrupt rich old white man damning people if they don’t follow ‘the rules’. Sort of like capitalism.

        I’m a proud pagan atheist. At least, I believe in the goddess, life force, and many others like Quan Yin and Artemis. But that cranky old white bearded God threatening hellfire? No way.

  3. Virgo Moon conjunct SN. Pluto in 5th. Loaded Cap stellium 7th house.

    I decided today that I’m giving up completely on romantic love and men. To spare myself more sadness, agony and despair. Especially when it seems like everyone around me is happily coupled up. In my 29 years of life, I’ve only met 2 men I was genuinely, utterly attracted to. One when I was 16. The second was a stranger I chatted with briefly a couple of years ago.

    Have always been used to being alone. Aqua Sun.

    I’ve tried too hard to make it work with men I didn’t truly respect and ended up getting burned by all of them. Repeatedly. I am thoroughly disappointed and have seriously been considering joining a monastery. Celibate for 4 years now and I am nowhere near unattractive.

    1. Monasteries have men! This could be a really noire, surreal, fuqed up feminist version of a Bunuel film – a rom-com but with pagan elements for the astute? We will actually call it Quiet Glamour and your character will move into the monastery under spurious pretensions. It will be a comeback vehicle for Brendan Fraser as the Head Monk Dude who wants to learn about Lilith and who is fighting with his feelings for you. But you also have a karmic connection with younger monk Liam Hemsworth. The monastery turns out to be on top of a giant crash landed UFO which is being avidly sought after by intergalactic special forces. What do you think?

      1. So Mutable It Hurts

        At 29 I moved to monastery and was the only woman among a handful of men. Unfortunately…it was no noire rom-com…more like a long yawn under a midnight sun (it was in northern Canada) but still somehow lots of weird relationship developments. I should probably write a movie about it.

      2. So Mutable It Hurts

        What I’m trying to say is that moving to a monastery is amazing but won’t get you out of the world of men/relationships

    2. By 29 I had met only two men I had been really attracted to and was about to divorce the one I married. I then went on to marry another one I wasn’t that into but who gave myself and my new daughter the best chance in life. Then I met a few who were chapters and I learned so much about myself and now I am with another who I am/was attracted to which may just have run it’s course. Honestly don’t write relationship off. Just write off trying to make it perfect! It won’t be. It is just two different humans trying to muddle along together. One female and in your case and mine, the other male. God knows how we reckon we can make this work. But I have enjoyed all of mine and I have taken every ounce of wisdom I can with me from them. I class them as male classrooms. Just enjoy life, and enjoy those you meet.

  4. I’ve been re-reading the comments here and finding lots of food for thought, especially about the 5th house. I’m not sure I’ve ever properly done my 5th house. (Or my whole chart to be honest except for the lo-Neptune sq Venus, lolz).
    The Triple Toro and I parted ways this week, for definite this time. I’m feeling sad, but the sadness relates more to my own feeling about lacking a tribe and ‘starting again’ – again – at my age. Saturn is almost on my 5th house moon-Lilith.
    I realised that the last few years have been about erasing the toxic abusive manipulations of my ex-hub, who got off on my pain when he rejected me in bed. Reclaiming myself as a woman. Once that was largely done I think the shine wore off the TT, because we were all about the bedwork and not much else. But he was the third in a continuum as I wonder if psychologically I’ve been working this out for a while – and perhaps even longer, hmm more stuff to think about…
    So I’ve ‘celebrated’ this new phase by bulk ordering new bed linen, pillows and pyjamas, and going on a laundry bender (thank you Mars in Virgo). I really feel like it’s time for me to face down my terror of being alone.

    1. Enjoy you. Relish the chance to be just in your energy for a while and it won’t be long until you meld with another.

    2. Damn girl, you can do it. No compromise. Your ex-husband: What a c***. Fuq all of them off into the wide blue yonder. You are free.

      1. Yeah he really was. I am only now beginning to realise the extent of abuse perpetuated against me. Part of a much longer story.
        Chiron in my 8th, need I say more.

    3. My compassion to you – how painful to experience a controlling partner who withheld love. Yes at this age I agree it’s challenging yet when your space returns to you, is clear maybe you’ll see beautiful creative possibilities!

    4. Feel you about finding the tribe vibe later.

      You’ve got the Tricksy Gift of freedom now. But TBH you were finding that even in your TT relationship, with some lovely Taurean attention and the comfort of that deep earthy peace.

      Laundry and freshening linen is always a beautiful honouring of sweet self.

      Sorry for your sadness; you are You, and that is awesome to be. Noone else can do it!

      1. That is really true actually Mille – I have felt able to focus more on myself because of his complete attention and openness. No control dramas to keep me hooked into insecurity.

  5. It’s the reason I go cold on virgo energy, romantically
    Great fraternal connection but my romanticist tendencies / virgo judgement, ne’er the twain shall meet. A piscean heart not won by criticism.

    I love short skirts , spike heels and cleavage. Just not all together. But if it is, then hey. You’re only young once 🙂

    1. Bizarre eh? Pisces 7th house Virgo. Never lasts. As a cancer I’m really not enjoying Aqua romance love sex vibe. But clinical impersonal for me.

  6. Virgo Sun here and this question has always been a focus for me. I enjoy being single. However, I miss having that connection. Had it once and thought I’d find it again… nope!

    My Virgo 11th house is loaded. My 7th house is empty. 8th house with True Node and my 5th house with Saturn and Chiron.

    Medically I can’t have children so my mission in life was not to find a father. I want intimacy.

    1. Is that 5th Pisces ruled? Lol, PI your comment on dating a Pisces was too funny, I feel some truth in it. Well my progressed chart has Pisces stellium (venus/ Mercury) at 15 degrees (same as Neptune) and I guess it’s spiritual learning – Neptune as the higher octave of love…so long as no one gets swept away by illusions. Love here can be beautiful, myriad of feelings/ amazing connection – self/ creativity? Healing through mediums…saturn in the 5th (I’ve Capricorn here) is working at pleasure – delay for gain, maturity.

  7. something very interesting I have been researching is that my North Node and Part of Fortune and Saturn are ALL in my 8th house in Virgo. From what I read the North Node in the 8th signifies finding another and merging as one into them sexually, physical, emotionally and spiritually. So, that is what I have lacked in the past lifetimes I guess but the interesting thing is I have the Part of Fortune there to help and I think that is why I am Venus in Scorpio, I need that intensity from Venus in Scorpio to be able to achieve the all in one merge with another all the while Saturn is sitting there making sure I don’t get carried away.

  8. We need to start our own little dating site right here among all of us 🙂
    Now that i know about astrology, I really don’t think I would like to be with someone who does not or worse, thinks you are going to heck for it LOL. So we are all like minded, I’ll go first: single male, 39, Sag sun, Leo moon, Rising Cap seeking single female, preferably rising Scorpio 😉

  9. I am wondering the same thing.
    I’ve been alone basically for most of my life.
    Aside from my marriage (10 years) there were very few man before.
    There have been some after but none of those relationships got serious (as in “living together”) and then nothing for the past 4 years.
    Virgo rising here, which means 5th house in Cap, not exactly a poliamourus profile so to speak.
    And Pluto has been sitting there for many years now, but it has brought nothing significant love wise.

    1. So you are basically Saturn (Cap) in the 5th, and now have Pluto and Capricorn there. I get it. I am natal Saturn in Taurus in the 5th. It’s not a death sentence. It just means you are serious about love affairs. Pluto there may revamp your whole consciousness on the subject, if you allow it to. Remember 5th house is also creativity, self expression. Maybe get into an earthy art form, like pottery or woodworking and express your longing there? Loads of good comments on this subject below. <3

      1. I am tired of finding ways of not thinking about love. It’s the only thing I crave.
        I have been alone for ages and I know myself well enough to know that no art will ever (EVER) help me expressing my longing of love. Actually the thought of expressing my longing in arts has always been quite depressing for me, but I know it’d be easier if I had an artsy hobby at least.

      2. I did an Oracle question the other day (which I do constantly, sorry Mystic but if the Oracle gets bogged down it’s probably me, lol) for the Dating Drought and it gave me the best answer, and it’s true: It’s not a drought – you are just fairly fussy and it is a good thing. Also a good thing to grok is Ram Dass’ take on being love rather than seeking to be in love with another person, because it puts yourself in a position of dependency on another in order to experience being “in” love – when you can be “in” love all on your own without marking someone outside of yourself as the source. It’s a slight change in perspective but once you get it, you’ll realize that maybe this thing you’re going through was all along meant to teach you that. Find love without someone else having to deliver it for you. Goes with the Neptune/Mercury/Jupiter trine we’re having at the moment, actually. 😉

  10. I have retrograde Saturn in my Cancer 5th that trines my Sun-Venus in Scorpio 8th. Pluto-Moon conjunct in my Libra 7th.

    Marriage is good for legal reasons; also taxes & health insurance (in the US). I’ve done it twice. I’ll never get married again though unless a prenup is involved. Even if we only have two rocks to rub together between us. *learning*

    Do not romanticize having a life partner, & never marry for round the clock romantic ambiance. Romance is typically fleeting, as it should be: true romantics are spontaneous, not regular like the bus.

    Will he have your back when push comes to shove? Does he have a good sense of humor? Does he do that thing you like between the sheets? Can he put the toilet seat down without turning you into the dreaded “nag”? If you answered yes to these, he might just be life partner material. If not, what’s the problem? You are more blessed than you know 😉

    1. Sweet! I have NN in the 7th.
      You are reminding me of my my Cancerian Mother in Law’s partner advice (well ex-MIL, but she said I would always be her DIL, no matter her son being around. She said: “He should be kind, he should be generous, he should have worked for Macquarie Bank and he should hold your hand when you cross the road.”

      (P.s. all of my long-term boyfriend’s mothers have been Cancerian as is my husband’s Mum).

      1. Aww your Cancer MIL sounds like a sweet, smart cookie. How blessed you are to snag her xx

      2. Wow. Never had a connection to MIL. Virgo Pisces Aries so far my connection is always leo rising for my mates. Always guaranteed. Which makes us always composite 12th House suns ? Deep.

      3. Yes, she was amazing!
        I read that the MIL in your chart is the 10th H. I only have Chiron there which hardly seems a convivial “in-law” placement. (I pretty much only dated men who like cooking also).

    2. I have retro Saturn in Taurus in my 5th, opposite my Venus/Jupiter/Neptune in Scorpio. Also married and divorced twice, and I also have zero plans of marrying again unless a prenup is involved (though honestly I don’t see myself marrying again – the whole institution is messed up, too patriarchal). And yes, toilet LID down, always! 🙂

  11. Oneofthepossums

    I often laugh- with compassion I promise- when people bemoan 18 months of a single life.. I’m going on a decade… quite literally.. when I saw the title of this post I thought “hey maybe it’s my astrology” but I think 18 months, especially as you’ve had significant relationships before, is just a time of recalibration and (certainly from the looks of this Taurus fellow) a time to recognize what you don’t want.. perhaps these dudes will be sent your way just to make it super obvious.. but I’d trust your instincts on this and don’t stay in any relationship out of fear.. authenticity is vital in this department.. otherwise it can be so degrading on your soul..
    good on you for keeping the faith.. Virgo sun with libra moon and Aquarius ascendant.. I feel like partnership is so ‘specific’.. dating apps have just made me extremely depressed about the dudes.. oh the dudes and the pictures with cars/motorbikes/large fish.. FFS!!!!

    1. Yeah, it is a little silly of me to be like “ack, 18 months!” I’ve been partnered basically nonstop for the last 12 years, so I know I can be in relationships. I’m just wondering if I should, I guess. Everything in my life is better, exponentially, now that I’m single. And yet, moth to a flame…

    2. Yes! 18 mo is just growing out of one phase. Then you grow into all the other phases. With or without partners, all the phases of You come and go, and you need to catch those tides when you can make yourself able.

    3. I would be happy on that plate but without alfalfa. Seriously, when i die, do NOT put me on alfalfa. And as a neptunian, i will be thirsty for a sauce…where’s the sauce??

  12. Don’t lose hope, Saturn’s Bride!

    My experience so far (non astrological) is that it’s all random. I’ve been trying so hard to make new friends in my new city, and it’s been exhausting and demoralizing. But then I remember how randomly I met my 2 best friends… I tried so hard to adopt a dog (it’s not as easy as it might seem, in NYC) and I would apply constantly on petfinder. I would usually get a reply saying the dog was already adopted out and the shelter hadn’t had time to update the listing. I started looking in June, had almost given up and in November the perfect dog fell into my lap.

    I know friends and dogs are not the same thing as a significant other but I’ve started to think when it’s meant to be it’s meant to be, and fretting gets us nowhere.

    You know how you hear stories of women who desperately tried to get pregnant, nothing happened forever and then bam! They got pregnant when they weren’t trying? What’s that about?

    Hang in there.

    1. My friend was infertile. Did IVF (3 cycles). Tried acupuncture. Nada. Gave up. Continued to have unprotected sex but without expecting any outcome. Got pregnant 5 months after making her peace with the fact that she’d probably never have kids. Weirdest thing ever.

    2. The happiest, most fulfilling relationship in my entire life is with my dog, totally comfortable to sleep with with a sweet sense of humour.
      Now this is from a woman who has had her hands on thousands of men, all my life it was raining men until now so guess iv’e OD’ed on them that or their attributes don’t compare to my Daisy Dog
      Love being solo, alone, not lonely and yet i’m a very sociable Sagg.
      There are many advantages for having just ONE child, Virgonator, you can always borrow more.

  13. My feeling is that this is a common dilemma these days. What I try to embrace is this philosophy: Witchy, spiritually attuned women have much work to do, energetically and earthily, generating and birthing the new, more feminine/goddess embracing paradigm. Whether we are consciously aware of it or not. Something is being born and I think it’s the generative, creative power of us women who are making it happen. So naturally, there are no men showing up. Naturally, the more generic dudes just don’t cut it. There is a reason “virgins” had spiritual power: you are whole unto yourself. All that creative energy of the universe contained in the womb can be directed toward spiritual, sacred goals, nothing to distract. And every bit of our self work, self healing, contributes to the healing of the whole.

    As much as I do hope that I will have a sacred, passionate, growth oriented, sexual healing relationship one of these days, I am, as much as possible, attempting to embrace my complete self-oriented, wholeness seeking nunhood while it is here.

    And of course it all sounds a bit intense, probably influenced by the whole Vesta conjunct Pluto in the 1st house, Virgo rising, Venus/Chiron 8th house thing. Although maybe that Jupiter in the 7th will kick in someday.

      1. Ha. I’ve been told I have the Jesus template. By three differing astrologer types. Oh god that didn’t end so well !

  14. Honestly she sounds like she knows the answer. And if she wants to know what 30 something spunky Libra would do? Take his car for a ride but return it and walk away. You can do that. You can have fun and then walk away. Its good for you.

  15. Sometimes we can’t control the urges/obsessions/craving of longing for a partner no matter how hard we try to stop it. I am trying to learn to control it, I am a Venus in Scorpio so something as little as a smile and eye contact can all of a sudden induce intense feeling, emotion and sparks that take control of my whole being, researching, cyber stalking finding out everything about them, obsessing whether or not not they like me. It suxs BIG TIME and I don’t want a serious relationship just companionship but when VIS takes hold it is hold to let go.

    1. Have been thinking a lot about this phase and how all astro types go through it. It’s part of the human condition and so much more than a biological urge , i do believe it, as the mental and emotional energies are just as much in play as the hormonal.

      I’m Venus Aqua trine Uranus Libra so i don’t try to control it as a Scorp type there. But i guess i try to control it by exploring my way through to learn more about the psychological dynamics with the body. That bodily electricity with only certain people! It must be psychic! It’s always so weird and mind blowing that you just have to see it as a sign to change part of your thinking, at least!

      I’m only 0 degrees Scorpio cusp of 12th and empty 8th against a strong Mars 2nd. Not sure if that influences my feeling for what you write here.

  16. It took me a a few years to meet my boyfriend after breaking up with my son’s dad. Many dates, many duds, and my only regret is letting the earlier dudes distract me from my me time and my son, because now I have the full deal again (and very little alone time) and that time where it was just him and me has passed. I have a lot of midheaven planets, a lot of second and third house action (venus in my third house), if I had been super into astrology a few years ago I might have surmised that relationships were not for me and that I scared guys off because I’m very career focused, very spiritual, and the scorpio moon conjunct pluto and saturn can be quite something, and yeah I wanted more kids. But I kept working on myself, going on dates as often as I could stand, and then I met my soulmate and have been seriously happy since then. I put out a sincere desire to meet someone with whom I could have the full deal life thing with and that’s what I got. Just keep living your life, be true to yourself, and the right person will come into your lives when it is time.

  17. I can’t help the poster, I am in the same situation. I never ever meet anyone, my luck is such that I can go somewhere on a Saturday night and for whatever reason that night there is no one there! I mean yes there are people but no available single people for me. Same thing with work, outings, grocery store anywhere. Then when there is that one person, I can’t muster the ability to just randomly walk up to them and ask them on a date lol. The dating apps suc big time! Been there done that, complete energy (and time) waste! I call it ghost dating. I myself am divorced with one child, I have a career, my own home and all my sht together so I don’t know how in the fuqqing world I am single! The truth is, it has been this way my whole life, I guess that is why my marriage eventually ended, I probably was just in that relationship out of convenience or settling. I also have a struggle, internal tug of war because I am a Venus in Scorpio so I crave that love but I also am heavily Saturn influenced such as Saturn is my ruling planet, I have Saturn in the 8th and etc.

  18. Sigh, girl I hear you. I am a 5th house Saturn, opposite Venus and Neptune, and a completely empty 7th house except for asteroid Karma. Twice divorced, single mom to two children, have a horrible track record picking good/decent men to settle down with. Staunchly single now for the last 3+ years and though it would be nice to find someone on my wavelength to commune with, I have a whole lot of NO for patriarchal bullshit and low-vibe crap like alcohol abuse (seriously, is no one aware or caring about how much alcohol they drink these days?) or lack of motivation to better oneself, which it seems like most men these days are drunken man-children. Also finding, unfortunately, that married men are drawn to me in droves, which I think is probably a magnetic response to my vibe of being locked into parenting and work but longing for connection on the side of that. Doesn’t give me a whole lot of hope for the marriage construct and has me seriously rethinking the whole game as a whole as it appears to not be working for most people. So yeah, heavy sigh, Saturn Sister. All I can be thankful for now is that Uranus has come to save the day as my Saturn/5th is Taurus. Busting out my paints and brushes again and writing more, hoping that artistic expression will help me bust this rut.

    1. I am beginning to think the whole concept of marriage is bullsht to be honest. Look at how many people get married but end up divorced, myself included. Why do we “have” to get married at all?

      1. Agreed. Plus it is so much easier to get married and super hard and agonizing (and expensive!) to get divorced, especially with kids involved (and worse if one of the parties is destructive/narcissistic/sociopathic). I think it should be the other way around, make it difficult to get married and have prenups required, though I do recognize that sometimes you don’t know what you’re getting into until it’s too late. I also don’t see divorce as a failure. I see it as people standing up for themselves and leaving situations that no longer work for them. It’s a healthy choice. I think the ground is shifting on the whole lifelong marriage thing though, has been for a while now. I wonder, too, if my Saturn placement in the 5th house leads me to be more of a solid serial relationship person rather than a staunch long-term marriage person, since my 7th is basically empty and is ruled by Gemini (two marriages, nothing to keep them going long term, other than Karma…) . Uranus is coming along to shake it all up, will be interesting to see what happens.

    2. This is where I’m at too. Felt a connection to a married man, which is very unfortunate. The only available guys are range from kind of to very seriously messed up. Guess I’ll just keep kicking ass at my career…

      1. Right, not many quality available men to choose from, if any really. And the married guys who are wandering makes me wonder what the point of marriage is at all if none of these guys are satisfied enough to just stay put, plus the utter cluelessness (or maybe just exasperation) of the wives involved, too. Either way there’s an imbalance there that isn’t working. Marriage can be pretty awesome until children come along, unfortunately. Love them, can’t live without them now, but the construct of a marriage being romantic- and couple-in-love-focused gets totally blown apart when you have the 24/7 responsibility of child-rearing thrown in and the resulting exhaustion from all that, which women suffer from at a much greater rate than men do, probably because the patriarchal system puts more of the childrearing expectation on women. Unfortunately, when the women get tired, the men start to wander. As a woman who is often tired, I say good riddance and yes, keep kicking ass at my career, developing my creative projects, and being an awesome mom.

  19. You read my mind! I’m 53 years old Leo sun, Libra rising and Capricorn moon; I’m perpetually single. I have an empty nest of my 27 year old son and I’m thriving thrillingly in my birth doula business! Divorce hadn’t dissuade me from relationships or marriage. I WILL have a good adult love/relationship with a wonderful man in this lifetime.

  20. I am a saturn 7th/8th cusp person too. (Just on edge of the former, and the house of change/ death /sex /legacies

    My experience is that I endure partnerships with stamina, seriousness & sturdy determination. I have built up much from solidity with “partners”, but have a challenge in letting them go.

    So, from this I get that marriage/ general partners can be worked at yet can yield long term benefit or a burden.
    We can choose from our conscious awareness – you’d be examining what aspects were in play, natal, progresses etc.

    Lastly Saturn themes can influence tye type of partner – archetypes, etc. You may know it’s better to wait for the secure, responsible and dependable person who is a capable parent to your first born & potential next child.

    Lol, saturn is in my 5th now, with Pluto and Lillith, conjunct my venus, opposite my moon. Oh well…at least it’s not dull work, it’s belatedly in life personal preparing foundations, which is very saturn!

    1. I have Saturn in my 8th as well as Venus in Scorpio. It can be tough dealing with one constantly pulling me one way and then the other pulling me their direction, all day everyday.

      1. I have Saturn in Taurus (5th ) opposite Venus in Scorpio (11th) so I have to work at keeping that balance between the two as well. I have so much Scorpio/Pluto power (strongest planet in my chart overall) though that the Pluto energy usually wins. It is nice to have Saturn there as a ballast though. I appreciate the opposition more than I resent it.

      2. I guess I have a Capricorn stellium in my 5th, which can be controlling and ruthless too. I feel that I am making compromises but have to admit I am status conscious even if I prefer to be unconventional in a choice of partner.

        You speak of a realism – so not to be so swept away by romance, but I wondered if Neptune in Pisces trine Scorpio Jupiter (emotional truths) is really amplifying people’s desires…

        It’s beyond the scenario of women who are tired, lonely and dispirited – its the lack of community, relentless pressure to acquire and succeed, dominating resources, the lack of social equity…

        Marriage should be about partnership and friendship, if it is too much of gender battle then it’s too tense, taxing. The promise of soul connection in intimacy wears thin when it is driven by ego. I regret that I have been so inflexible (fixed).

        As we get older we can soften our view, be less judgemental and still be discerning. We do not need to be consumed or to possess, we learn when we are more forgiving, tolerant and undertsanding. I have to accept the mistakes I made, and then I can hopefully grow from my insight.

  21. LiberatingVenus

    Virgo energy is about discrimination and the analytical process of discernment. In the 5th House, you’re going to be picky about love affairs and that’s OK. Saturn in the 7th also says to take your time about partnering and implement careful quality control standards. In order to get what you want in life, you have to be willing to say “no” to what you *don’t* want. Never settle in any respect; demand more from life and you’ll get more. You can’t possibly get what you want if you’re stooping down to meet others at their level rather than asking that they stand up straight to meet you at yours – Saturn is always about posture issues.

    1. Why would you lock in a guy who you’re only half excited about? You’re only 29. On this dating app I was using , every other guy was an “entrepreneur” or a “management
      Consultant”. I had to delete the app, it was giving me nausea and an acute case of ennui. (I have mars in aqua, and eros in Sadge, you understand.) But maybe there’s a market for those types. What do you want? Go hang out where manly types who want kids and an expressionist wyf/partner also hang out. I don’t know where that is. maybe other ppls weddings in coastal cities with alternative vibes? Certain yoga retreats. Urban carpentry day-classes. Craft brewing startups. I’m not being an ass, I’m trying to be helpful. I’m the anti-expert on 5th house matters, but I know your kind needs an appreciative audience the way I need an open horizon. Best of luck. Xo

      1. Not just an appreciative audience. A performative way of life. Maybe the dramatic possibilities of a life of service to the spiritual offer some interesting options after all. And you never know what the future holds.

    2. Lol – and if you date a Pisces for a while you’ll probably smoke several more joints. And then wonder what the hell just happened. 😉

    3. Hang on. If you date a Pisces a joint is never required. It’s totally off the planet, out of your skull all the time ! You make me laugh Pi

      1. It’s easier to judge a pisces harshly than it is to judge a spliff, but a spliff won’t have a cool conversation with you or roam beside you in pretty parks and stuff. I think weed can have a beneficial impact of tuning out the chatter for some nice clarity from a mildly altered perspective. When the acutely cerebral Virgo energy starts overclocking it can be a little draining, particularly when the situation in question might not really need that much applied effort all at once. So my intention was to … well you know.

  22. I think if there’s a spark with the Taurus guy, let it burn and see how it goes? His car insta isn’t the worst thing ever, if he shows interest in you’re life and you have fun that’s really great!

    I’m currently thinking I’m ight be a few years off any kind of closeness myself… I’m currently experiencing Chiron square Venus, end of April 2018 until beginning of February 2020

    So far it has been one massive heartbreak and it’s only 2 months in. If anyone has any advice I’m all ears.

      1. Quite the opposite I reckon. Buddhism + meditations are awesome for life management. They’re very gentle on hurting hearts. Xxoo

  23. My first thought was ‘is it a hot car?’, and the second, ‘mmm, fireman’. But really, I’m seconding emg. Life is short. Grab that Taurus by the short and curlies and ride him for all he’s got. You don’t have to be long-term about it, or invest. It’s not a competition between Mr Right and Mr Right-now. I firmly believe you can have both, or find that guy who stands awkwardly in the middle. And if you don’t find your perfect partner this year or the next it won’t be because you were closed off to opportunities. The fact that he’s made it this far suggests he’s not all bad. I think you’re ruling him out because he doesn’t seem like a potential father of your children, but he doesn’t have to be to add value to your life.

    1. My point being: there’s many things that sit beyond the binary of being single or being life-partnered. And there’s fun to be had!

      1. agree. being virgo overload myself I know how hard it is not to be picky, but try not to overthink it please. remember, virgo is earth: get out of your head, do things, don’t just think that you’ll do them. there’s not much to lose except spending some time not alone. of course you don’t have to force yourself, but try to see it this way: what if it the future is even more barren from this point of view? carpe diem! taurus seems at least half-decent, so enjoy him now that he’s there. with all due respect, imho one thing’s for sure: twenty years from now, or even less, you might regret getting cold feet. even if he lets you down, or if it doesn’t last or get deep enough for your liking, you will still learn something about yourself, so it’s a win-win 🙂 .

    2. I love this. Full 5th house = grab life by the short and curlies ! Hahaha. Perfect. Can’t think of anything more fun. But then I’m sun jupiter in 5 ! Woo hoo

  24. I started reading this wondering if there was an astrological chart that indicated singleness, and I came out of it wondering how one becomes a shamanic priestess. Because that sounds way more interesting than a romantic relationship. Still, I see no reason you can’t have both.

    As far as an Instagram for the Taurus’ car goes, eh whatever. It’s a better hobby than riding a bar stool and coming home buzzed every night. But if you’re not also into sharing the joys of personal transportation with the internet, perhaps finding someone with interests you could share would be a good idea.

    I’m the last person to give dating advice, in as much as my last romantic relationship was in the early 1990s. But Mystic’s fireman idea sounds plausible. Alternatively, other emergency management types (medics, forestry people, etc.) might have a similar vibe.

  25. Feathered Fish

    My only thoughts are that you sound so grounded and aware, slipping into a not ideal relationship would be beneath you. I know it is easy to justify a dalliance – just enjoying the sex, it’s some company, not serious, just something to pass the time – but by the sound of it, you want the full shebang. You want a father for your future children, you want someone to grow old with, if you are distracted by fairy lights you might miss him! Don’t settle!

  26. There are definitely humans who can do single really well and the 5th house is about personal expression and fun in yourself. Also with Uranus in the 7th I would suggest this would mean cycles of relationship rather than total settle in for the long haul. As to a guy who has an Insta account for his car,.. why does every one get so sniffy with blokes sometimes? He’s obviously expressing himself with something he enjoys, opening up his fun 5th house. I am always into acceptance of the person I am dating, be it for a couple of hours or a few years. And whilst I can stay I stay and when it gets tired or draining then I make the moves to move on out. Uranus and Pluto on the DC. I suggest with that great 5th house you take on the role of loving all comers, be it friendship or lovers and taking on the ones you can get serious about. But most of all just enjoy this ride of a life of yours. If you let it, it could be amazing!

  27. I was single for over a decade. Eligible men starting showing up when I was like “not now! I’m busy!”. It took me too long to get there tho – to find travel and languages and art and culture and courses and … well other things that were more important than pairing up. Once I did, it never stopped raining men. I have Virgo/5th house and we are nothing if not practical/discerning when it comes to romance. He can instagram his car if it’s witty and self deprecatory. If he’s showing off, move on. BTW Virgo 5th house? health professionals seem to find you no matter how busy you are 🙂

  28. You sound amazing! And far too young and self-actualised to be sentencing yourself to be ‘destined to be’ anything that limits you.
    That said, as a 7th house sun-Saturn conj, with Neptune in a t-square with Venus and Jupiter, and Venus on the Dsc I do understand difficult relationship issues, lol.
    Sounds like you’ve come a long way from loving someone ‘insane’ to looking hard at long-haul qualities such as values, maturity, career trajectory etc. With Neptune opp your Virgo stuff you may be seeing this Toro in an ideal way and noticing his potential. If your gut feeling is no, that isn’t going to change. Let him go and watch the magic happen x

  29. Sounds to me like you’d be a fantastic partner, just ditch the tauroloser and the universe will throw someone your way

    1. Eh, I have my life together-ish. I’m smart, for what that’s worth (less than I used to think, but still something), and I work hard at my service projects in this world (work, parenting, my spiritual path). AND I’m fussy and neurotic, critical, anxious. Aries Moon: impatient, a little immature, competitive beyond reason or measure. Neither ugly nor especially pretty. So not exactly most people’s perfect catch of anything.

      1. But people don’t want a perfect catch! They want someone magnetic, and that realness only comes from accepting oneself. A bestie of mine has an Aries moon and I love it, despite having to be rushed around erratically :p

  30. Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot

    ooh this IS interesting.

    I wasn’t aware being a shamanic priestess or whatever was so draining/hard work, but I guess that makes sense?

    I say keep an open mind and am inclined to agree that “destined to be single” is not a thing.

    1. Yeah, our ceremonies are 5-14 hours, fasting and dancing and singing in another language. Plus I come beforehand to set up and greet guests and stay after to help clean up and check in with guests. Spend a lot of time studying the songs, and working in solo meditation with my guides. Even more time checking in with the community trying to work through whatever interpersonal stuff is coming up, which of course it does quite often. I adore it, but it’s not like low stakes relaxing leisure activity. At least for me.

  31. Why do we have the tendency to focus on what we don’t have instead of enjoying and appreciatinig what we do. It sounds to me like you have a full plate and your idea of relationshp sounds very idealistic…but whatever any relationship gives you, it also makes demands of you; compromises of your time, energy, power. Virgo is the sign of she who is whole in herself. I am a virgo rising…and have never felt more empowered since being on my own for many years now. Not answerable to anyone else. Not awaiting anyone’s approval or otherwise, acceptance or otherwise. THere is a period of time in life, I have been through it, when life if work…a bit of a slog…dutiful…and this is disciplinary. Your love is within your own heart. No one else can give you what you can only give yourself. And when you truly love and accept yourself, you will find the love that you seek…or not. At that point you will no longer feel you need it.
    All the best. Enjoy the many gifts that life has given you…and there will always be more to come. Patience.

    1. Sometimes we can’t control the urges/obsessions/craving of longing for a partner no matter how hard we try to stop it. I am trying to learn to control it, I am a Venus in Scorpio so something as little as a smile and eye contact can all of a sudden induce intense feeling, emotion and sparks that take control of my whole being, researching, cyber stalking finding out everything about them, obsessing whether or not not they like me. It suxs BIG TIME and I don’t want a serious relationship just companionship but when VIS takes hold it is hold to let go.

    2. Yes, I always need more patience. And I hope my message conveyed my sincere appreciation of and gratitude for my life. I’m kind of a walking soblessed hashtag, really. And at the same time, this deep longing for more kids just keeps welling up in me. I’m sure my life will be deep and fulfilling whether I get to have more or not, but I don’t (yet) know how not to want them.

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