Winona Ryder what the fuqity? Going well beyond ‘not doing her any favors’, the August 2024 Harper’s Bazaar cover strays into the hinterlands of media voodoo. But why?!
Of all the images that would have come out of this shoot, who selected the one that makes her look cramped – seriously, is her cervical spine compressed? Or like she’d been inadvertently photographed whilst trying to unprise her spanx?
I’ve been a fan of Winona’s since – I guess – Heathers. Even though she could coast along on cool cred, she puts in the work and unlike some of her feted peers, can embody a character. But this cover and much of the accompanying article/pics are so off, I’m going to dish out some unsolicited astrological advice.
Winona: You are iconic and a huge talent, with Jupiter Rising in Saggo and triple Scorpio oomph in the 11th house, you have secured the love of the public and a fan base with whom you can connect directly.
What happened here? Actually I think I know. Somehow Beetlejuice 2 was deemed to be a good idea – the decision was probably a melange of “remakes are the safest option now, everyone does them, we can A.I. generate the script“, “Jenna Ortega Goth again but (pause for lecherous laughter and to text the Space Dust dealer) more grown-up” and “fuq, think of the merch revenue...”
With Saturn on your Piscean Moon at the time, you would have been less resistant to commercial pressures so it was a yes. If it had been Uranus on your Moon, you’d have pushed for an original, fresh script with YOU– not Michael bloody Keaton – as the Trickster demon character.
If I’d had the chance to advise pre-Beetlejuice 2, I’d have said pass and wait until Neptune in Aries from March 2025 and more thoroughly from 2026. It will be epic for real creativity.
Neptune in Fire is always fantastic for film – Neptune in Leo was the Golden Era of Hollywood and the cinematic New Wave of the Seventies was under Neptune in Sagittarius. Neptune in Aries will trine your natal Neptune in Saggo from literally next March – wait.
***
Now, I imagine this Harpers Bazaar cover is a publicity-mandated piece of merde and it comes out of Saturn now square Winona’s Sagittarian Ascendant – on and off all year so it was definitely in effect during this shoot as well as publication. Yes Saturn has advantages but it’s awkward when it’s at odds with your ascendant.
It’s not an optimal time to be photographed for mass consumption or have to work your image to sell things. It’s sometimes unavoidable and if so, I advise my clients to be controlling to a practically unearthly degree.
I wonder if, in this case, Winona didn’t want to ‘make a fuss’ so went with a more ‘indie film chick’ energy and then got rolled by a Vibe Vampire team member or something?
The shocking fact is that the celebrities who get the best cover shots are forward-flanked by a ludicrously loyal, highly paid, hyper-vigilant and pre-emptively hostile Hiss Squad.
Months before the actual celebrity arrives for the shoot or interview, the advance army is sending snippy emails about every micro-facet of the shoot, demanding storyboards, conceptual control, air quality tests for the studio, wardrobe approval, spring-water with a precise calibration of minerals, a numerologically and astrologically apt date, streets shut down etc.
Dissent is met with immediate escalation – the prospect of bad vibes, bad legal vibes, bad reputation vibes and raw, unbelievable snark. From the celebrity Hiss Squad’s point of view, the magazine staff practically hallucinating with stress is a harmonious “good news, they get it, they’re really into it and they love all your ideas.”
I know it’s not a good paradigm for many reasons but I think Winona needs to bring a bit of this attitude to her imminent Neptunian renaissance. Pluto and Uranus will both be trining her Libra Midheaven as well.
This reeks of creative control and autonomy but also major artistic cred – I’d like to see her produce and star in an adaptation of Andre Norton’s Witch World or Neal Stephenson’s Polostan.
And absolutely no more dodgy publicity bingles like this.
Thoughts?
Lots of judgment in this thread.
Just watched Destination Wedding – Winona with Keanu. V.good – I can just imagine what her character would have said about that cover…
My parents rented a VHS of Beetlejuice and my sister and watched it over and over for a good month until they got around to returning it to the video store. I’m at the end of GenX and beginning of Millenials – I can see the reboot trying to appeal to folks like me with kids, and because Beetlejuice holds such a distinct place in my memory – I’m sure I’ll watch it when it’s available to stream.
The cover feels like a weird pantyhose ad with a soft blur with her face in the background.
A SWOT report would be an amazing astro offering!
Loving these comments! And time permitting, I’m down to do pr-ish astro-consults – I do full on planetary SWOT plans for some of my clients as they’re busy but want something they can slap on a wall and quickly grok when they want.
But I suspect that what really appeals here is your own Hiss Squad lol…
oh so I always thought hiss squad was like a group of meanie naysayers. But if it’s not, I could do with a retinue of savvy and protective uh representatives. Or someone so low key that they’re basically a shadow. Not keen on a reign of PR terror though (unless that’s the only way that actually works?) so maybe we could update some of those tactics lol
a planetary swot analysis probably wouldn’t hurt until I can afford that though:)
Are they trying to suggest flexibility or is it a reprisal of Germaine Greers famous cover shot?
I love that her godfather’s Timothy Leary. Sure she took acid hence her coolness & fearlessness at a tender age.’Rather convoluted pose but love the clothes Armani can do suits & superb tailoring.
Yes the tattoo Winona Forever turned into Wino’s forever on Depp’s arm :-).
The photo shoot seems to be a Tim Burton look or influence.
SBS had “icons-batman’ doco last night all about behind the scenes, much about Burton directing style & giving him carte blanch that made him box office gold because producers gave him carte blanch to ‘fly his freak’. Winona does so brilliantly.
I love Winona. And i love this insightful Astro. Mystic. It’s brilliant. Having Saturn on my Pisces Moon and hanging out for Neptune to shift into Aries to trine my Sag natal Neptune, I can relate to this shot of Winona as it has her ageless from the 90’s and is giving severe ‘Reality Bites’ nostalgia.
The cramped thing is weird but WHY THE FUQ did they put the black pantyhose on her? That’s totally distracting and unprofessional looking, stylist-wise. The contrast cuts her in half. She also looks like she’s not even looking at the camera, possibly due to a Benzo haze. YES yes yes who the fuq picked this shot and who the fuq approved it?!
Winona bugged me throughout the 90s as I was called ugly in Chicago my whole life. Chicago boys back then were obsessed with Kelly Bundy from Married With Children — even the little Maoist brats I hung out with. I left for college in CA and suddenly everyone was saying how much I looked like her. My first ever trip to San Francisco, my buddies there forced me to watch Heathers and then turned around and said “So, do you think you look like her?” and I said “Does anyone actually really know what they look like?” (do they?)
Anyways, I returned home to Chicago for the summer only to find that in the 9 months I’d been away, my “look” (pale, thin, dark hair) had become trendy, and, at a keg party where I was uncomfortable with all the people there who’d picked on me in junior high for liking Duran Duran (and calling me ugly), one dude, who had been especially tormenting during that time, came up and said (imagine Keanu Reeves in River’s Edge voice here), “Wow. You look like Winona Ryder. She’s really hot.” Retrospectively, I think this might have been an awkward attempt at a pass, but I wanted to kick him in the shins. But it taught me this: If your look can be ugly one minute and “hot” the next, it can change back with a snap.
This, of course, was never Winona’s fault. Much like Jim Morrison, it’s the fans that are more irritating than the person. People carrying around Catcher in the Rye, or buying d*ckhead Ryan Adam’s CD because he dedicates a song to her. I’ve only dated one guy who didn’t have a crush on her and that’s just because he didn’t know who she was.
However, I have always felt like her proclivity to date musicians has hidden a desire to be a musician herself. Pick up a guitar, Winona! I would say. It’s alright, we’re allowed to do it now! EVERY guy I have dated, without exception, has loved her. And also, I really really really really really cannot overstate how much I hate Reality Bites, as a GenXer. It irritates me that the GenZ’s are looking at that as representative. Le sigh.
Anyways, I developed some affection for her after the bust. Maybe it’s my Pluto Rising, but I thought the industry backlash she got from that was *way* out of proportion, given the shizz that goes on in Hollywood. And yeah, I’ve been through Saturn squaring your Ascendant, and I experienced exactly what Mystic describes: absolute inability to make anyone understand or even listen to me, much less like me. Passive bullying, etc. Way nuts. I too wish I could afford to hire Mystic for PR advice. Wait for 2025? Can’t do it, and I gotta muddle through, dreading Pluto conjucting my Aqua Sun/Merc/NN/Hekate/Persephone stellium. At least it’s trining my Pluto Rising, though I’m not really sure WTF to do with that. alright
This is a book of short stories! And Pluto over that stellium will be excellent. Archetypally, if that is a word, you may recall that Hekate guided Persephone out of the Underworld, Mercury also.
This is encouraging in all ways, Mystic, so thank you so much! That conjunction is in my 5th house, and I just submitted my creative writing doctoral thesis four weeks ago exactly. So short stories, yes!
that was supposed to say “alright end rant” but I used HTML. Soz! Soz for the rant as well…
I ALSO did not mean to imply that she is actually IN a benzo haze in this photo session, but that an unsympathetic viewer might interpret it as such, and was adding that to the list re: why the choice of photo is rando at best.
Looking at her eyes and the position of the left shoe, this picture to me looks like she is saying , ” Contort and cramp me if you will, but come too close and I will disembowel you.”
LOVE this piece but can we please talk about the dress and wasted opportunities? This is very Virgo of me and I admit to being a fashion industry tragic but there are problems with the cover besides Winona’s “awkward” pose. HB is a high circulation commercial fashion magazine and Winona is wearing a Gucci dress that we can’t even see.
What we can see looks like something from a chain store polystyrene bin. Even though I haven’t cared about Gucci since Alessandro Michele “left” they would have paid big $$$$ for this cover and it should be captivating or inspirational.
I would have put her in something more similar to Schiaparelli’s Spring-Summer 2024 collection – SCHIAPARALIEN – look it up and you’ll see what I mean.
Yes to Schaiparalien……the House of has always been there but it seems like a brilliant resurgence in shapes & designs. Originality.
i would have op-shopped for pre-Demna Balenciaga, or a borrowed chanel dress / add a slim grey belt with distinctive buckle / and an oversized studded denim jacket.
Winona alone may be responsible for bringing back 7-denier tights though. Shall await the A/W ’24 collections
I don’t mind the outfit on the cover fwiw. the dress is very simple so what we do see is sort of self explanatory imho. to me the look sort of vibes 90s dinner then out to the club, in a nice way
also – Gucci hey? is this a move away from shiny celebrity wealth repping to grown-up core alt femme energy for the label? can they make that leap? am I hallucinating any of this? & if so who cares? more news at 6.
ok I’ve just googled a vogue article (Jan ’24) talking about his mission (C/O kering boss) to pique the attention of a different audience so my hallucination maybe not far off. I’ll stop riffing on your post now silvervirgo thanks for the inspo and spontaneous research opp though
I dunno, the weird and awkward pose kinda suits her. I love her but she is whack. This sort of shines a light on her quirky self?
I felt the same. Like Winona is just being her weird, quirky self.
Hah! Have this in my bathroom. I bought it because I know now that they wanted a Crazy Lady™️ on the cover (but I still wanted to buy to show love). But they didn’t want to deal with Courtney Love. And Anne Heche is gone. So they need someone, the shoplifter who is “one toke over the line” for a daring cover, but who would cooperate at the shoot. The shots in the feature are even more bananas looking. The more women age in Hwood the more they will be demonized.. it is up to these actors to get on top of it and make it fun/eccentric, their mgmt will not help them!
(Note this is the same rag I saw the most covers of Miley Cyrus and K family in their worst personal time periods, to try and milk them dry. “Relevance” lol)
It’s giving she’s not comfortable with the photographer…. you need to have rapport or it shows through the lens.
This looks more like an add for social anxiety than for Bettlejuice. Her clenched fist and contorted body is screaming “IM NOT COMFORTABLE”
Where has the magic in fashion gone?
Everything seems so soulless….
Really cannot wait for the fire + air energy incoming end of this year and next. Bring back the passion in fashion 🔥
Oh my. This just looks… *uncomfortable*.
Can we blame photoshop? Like they ran out of space for her legs so they cut and pasted them higher up her body so as to fit it all onto the page??
At first glance i thought this must’ve been an old cover, like from the 90s – because a) she looks like she’s still 20-something, and b) because women had no say over their images back then and surely things have changed since…. *surely*.
Gotta say, this is a fail. I blame the stylist, the photographer, the editor, the sub-editor, the layout person… in fact all of the gatekeepers who let this one through. Perhaps that is a Saturn in Pisces lesson tho – don’t leave the gatekeepers in charge of the gates!
this is epic. and your feelings are the same as mine re this particular sequel.
for this shoot, if she’d had to do something, I’d have got the miniature set of the town from the first film and had her towering over it, in some kind of power statuesque angle. or even holding it all in her hands, some weird play on perspective anyway. great post!
Winona Forever
mystic. may I hire you as my PR advisor? like I’m not currently famous but based on this snippet I feel that I’d be in good hands for any upcoming plans..
I was literally thinking this while reading too. I need some in depth forward planning and mystic is the goods 😉
The image reminds me of a Man Ray, I google him and the word nude, an artistic term, and google blurred out images for “my protection”. Pfft.
100% spot on with the Man Ray reference. One more time the media has distorted Winona, for better or worse. It’s almost as if she has been punished, again, publicly.
I like it (the cover) I think it’s on brand for her, but more so this writing! It’s delicious!
+1
+2. It can’t be the best photo of the shoot, surely, but it is Winona.
Yikes, what a weird picture! i feel like he crossed-leg thing is very pseudo-pornographic (leave Basic Instinct in the 90s thanks) & i hate the boxy angles. it would have been so great to see some of Noni’s artsiness here instead of whatever style director’s revenge fantasy this is…
& she was my first crush as a kid, so that’s coming from a forever fan too. I’m excited for Noni’s second act & the effects on Neptune in Aries for cinema! We need it.
I did a double-take! Claustrophobic pose!!!
Yes! Very claustrophobic, very compromised.. uncomfortable to look at. She deserves SO much better!
After a lifetime in the biz for her, though, this shouldn’t have any setback effect I would think..
MM’s comment about Saturn squaring her ascendant stood out to me because I have Saturn squaring my ascendant natally….ugh! 😩 I have never liked being photographed and I’m not photogenic…not a great aspect to have in the natal chart. I wonder what I can do to offset this….?
so true Mystic, where is this front cover? it’s the sorta thing a student in media might put out on a whim of their best friendenemy but Winona? she was done for some grudges people on the shoot had againSt her
Winona forever! Witch World/Polostan YESSSSSSS