Haute Cow – Low Cow

Q: How many Taureans does it take to to change a light-bulb?

A; None. Taureans don’t like to change anything.

Haute Cow is SENSUAL; Whether slipping between freshly sun-dried, lavender scented linen with the highest thread count they can afford, flexing just pedicured feet, or trying out a new bedwork move, Cow-People are genuinely in their bodies. Think glam piano man Liberace luxuriating in his bubble bath. Musically inclined, Taureans are blessed with beautiful singing voices.

Haute Cow is DEPENDABLE: Taureans are there for you, not necessarily to hash through the situation, but in a practical way: they will bake you a high-carb comfort dinner, pay the bail or babysit your kids. They sometimes feel trapped by this trait. No-one else can calm down Aunt Thing after her third gin and they know it. The Bulls & Cows are dignified folk. They’d all be pillars of society if only they could find a society decent enough. Meanwhile, they make to with any organisation that lets them be treasurer. Blessed with a sense of adequacy, our Cow feels at home in the world and welcomes you as well.

Haute Cow is SERENE; Taureans are the relaxation gurus of the Zodiac. Left to their own devices, they like hanging out with their offspring, cooking, gardening and/or taking to the couch with a bottle of plonk, a hunk of bread and a cuddly companion. The Taurean couch exerts a gravity pull akin to Jupiter onΒ  his moons. The only difference is that our Taurus resists the gravitational force of the couch for as long as it takes to get to the fridge and back. They know that so-called mindless entertainment fulfils all the requirements of Zen-that is, pure enlightenment. Taurus has no need of the umpteen books released every year instructing one in the art of doing nothing, letting go, kicking back, just being – they’re already there.

Haute Cow is EARTH ANGELIC; Unlike Fire signs, who can wilt even a bamboo plant with one bitchy gaze, Taurus is green-fingered. Their fantasy house is a luxury shack in the woods where Taurus romps around lush grassy fields like something out of a Scandinavian shampoo ad. They are also natural-born healers, but not as in the Virgoan School of Healing, where St Virgo advises the sinners on what vitamins to take. Taurus emits a calming vibe capable of soothing the most hysterical person and even effect so-called miracle cures. Thus, a disproportionate amount of brilliant body-workers, medics and healers are Cow People.

Haute Cow is CIVILISED; Taureans know to relish life’s pleasures sans being sleazy or devious. Sensational socialisers, they are fabulous company, “mostest” hosts and officially “good” guests. As neurosis is alien to their nature, they don’t pull any of the nervy tricks known to other signs. A socially adequate persona enables them to put everyone at ease and they can be relied upon to behave. They never, for instance, try the “You’re a gynaecologist? Great! I’ve had this itchy discharge…” type of stunt. They adore recommending top accountants, nail artistes, and all of their myriad tips for better living.

Haute Cow is STABLE; They may not know what status quo means, but they know they like it. Regardless of trends, Taureans are grounded in the realms of their own tastes. Happy to confess that they dislike most music released after a certain age, they don’t care that the certain age was 21. Being around a Taurus puts on in touch with one’s own inner straight person. There is nothing wrong with choosing comfort, the good life and nice furnishings over nerves and insanity. Straight may be the new avant-garde.

Low Cow is GREEDY. Taureans think greed is good only they’ve made it New Age and call it “manifesting abundance.” They suffer from shocking Thing Lust and, like devotees of an ancient cargo cult, they think objects have souls with which they commune. In his will, William Shakespeare left Mrs Shakespeare his “second-best bed.” Taurus returns from an exotic holiday with the high point having been the vicious haggling of some hapless street merchant. Even wealthy Cows can often not resist referring to the cost or alleged elite nature of their latest Thing. They are especially irksome when ensuring that the correct charges are extracted for a group dinner. After all, why should Taurus pay for a barely-nibbled-at bruschetta?

Low Cow is TYRANNICAL; Taureans think right equals might and, naturally, they are right. They may not be guilt-inducing champions like cousin Virgo, but they try some fairly hefty moral judgement calls. They can’t help seeing themselves as respectable standard bearers of common decency. Sundry irritants of life such as a surly sales assistant become markers of social decline. Demonstrating the flip side to their loyalty, they can also turn into social stalkers: some friends are for life…Or else. Another reason they are so good at hanging onto old acquaintances is that they see them as visible proof that nothing has, in fact, changed. One needs a lawyer to insult Taureans, as that is practically the only insult they notice.

Low Cow is CONTROL-FREAKY. Heaven help the person who doesn’t want to do what the Taurus wants them to do, like eating the food they think you should like, attending an art exhibition they know you will benefit from or dating them because you need proper structure in your life. The Taurean “no” means “piss off” but your “no” is a mere formality, a bleat of stupidity because you are too weak-minded to properly grasp that the Taurus has made up their so-called mind. Resisting the Taurus is not exactly futile but it does leave you open to a long-winded, pompous lecture full of ponderous moralising drivel. Taurus knows that you will eventually be bored into submission.

Low Cow is OBSTINATE; Taurus is akin to a big boat that takes ages to respond to the wheel but then charges off full-steam ahead, almost unstoppable. Their so-precious respectability cloaks inertia. Some are so old-school that they still want to write their control-freaking memos with a quill dipped inΒ  ink, to be delivered by personal carrier pigeon. A room of their own? They crave a rut of their own. Even if the Taurus is totally wrong, they will bulldoze through, oblivious to everything but their own power of will. This is obviously wonderful for when they’re giving up smoking or single-handedly building a new garage in a day, but vile when they’re fanging down the freeway in the wrong direction, oblivious to any advice, because they know best.

66 thoughts on “Haute Cow – Low Cow”

  1. Just stumbled across this post. I’m a Taurus Moon.

    Just absorbed the Haute Hi. The low: rejected. Lol. Not ready today. Maybe another day.

  2. This was hilarious i died laughing! A boyfriend of mine for 4 years was a taurus, i have been avoiding him for a year but he still texts me once a month. NONstop like a bulldozer! My mother is also a taurus who depicts the above description to a T. Heaven help us non taureans i usually just end up giving into them into submission LMAO <3
    #true story

    sun aquarius/ cancer rising/libra moon

  3. Leo Socialite….you have just endeared me to you, that is so amazingly
    self effacing for a Leo. Bless ya bracelets.

  4. As a Taurus, I would love to claim that but I think it’s a case of every element has enviable qualities. I’ve always been quite jealous of the ability of air signs to move on quickly. I definitely get too stuck on things.

    All the physical beauty in the world won’t matter much if you cling to the past & think yourself into a face full of wrinkles πŸ˜‰

    1. Hathor's Horns

      Perhaps its the earth-body relationship that makes Taureans more aware of their physical appearance, but then “beautiful” applies to so much more than what meets the eye! I love being a Taurus… music, singing, spending money on food and beautiful things, body pampering, communing with Nature etc. It’s a bit lonely sometimes though, as other things people seem to be flying this way and that, and to be sure, changing lightbulbs blows. *Moo*

  5. Taurean Love Expert

    Oh Charles, you are channelling my Toro-rising ex, for whom their were always two ways of doing things: his way, or the wrong way.

    I am also possessed of Toro pride though – the fire-proof hide has come in very handy, as has the bourgeois bohemian sensibility (a la Freud’s couch).

      1. venus a-go-go

        Too true, Charles. too true…

        My Scorp housemate has been vigourously telling me that there are ways to do things that might be better than the way I do them.
        She is wrong… but I just let that slide out of good grace and wanting to keep the peace. Not that a ‘yes dear’ keeps the peace with a scorp… but there you go.

  6. On behalf of my Taurus brothers and sisters, I must object. As representatives of all that is right and proper in this world, we must speak out against these “low” perceptions. Any “negative” traits are merely misperceptions on the part of others who do not recognize our absolute fabulousness. For example, perceptions that Taurus is greedy is merely a failure to recognize what rightfully belongs to us and nobody else. Perceptions of Taurus as obstinate is merely a projection of one’s feelings of guilt when recognizing one’s own inability to hold fast to one’s principles. Feelings of tyranny are only natural when refusing to conform to the natural principles of this world, as only an earthly Taurus can express so clearly. Control-freakery is only a natural perception of those who willfully demand their own selfish ways, opposing the natural order of things.
    Now don’t you see? It is so simple if you merely look at the world through Taurus’ eyes. And that is, of course, the only way to look at things.

    [Ducks and runs, donning asbestos overcoat]

    1. Hahahahaha!! If only they could all see the truth right, Charles? πŸ˜‰
      While I do love your obstinate rebuttal of our obstinacy, I am all too aware that I can be very guilty of both tyranny & extreme stubbornness. I try to keep it in check though πŸ™‚

      In response to the original post, I’ve never suffered from couch love but my bed love is a completely different story…. I LOVE my bed.
      & there is always music playing around my house!

      1. I hear you on the music Shannon. My day isn’t fully lived if I haven’t had some music playing.

  7. I have no planets in Taurus, tho when I was younger (much!) my first 4 BFs were Taureans. I ended up doing the “So, whats your star-sign?” line, in total seriousness! I have Taurus intercepted in my 5th house.

  8. Damn Merc retro. Just wrote a whole post and then it went back a page. Grrr.

    The gist? I love my Merc & Venus in Taurus. πŸ˜€ Have been told I can be stubborn but I take that in a positive light; read: not a pushover. Can be obstinate at times though re letting things go. MUST WORK ON THIS!!!

  9. I love how the bull looks like it’s already been slaughtered in the illustration… mouth monstrously agape and all. I guess a dead animal is easier to pose with.

  10. xox rockstar libran publicist xox

    PS little Sis just pulled Low Cow this morn – stubborn, unbending, her way or high way thowill no doubt rebound as Haute Cow upon receipt of news of today’s contract canellations here!!

    time to start the weekend by getting house in order me thinkgs, it’s a mess & not much will occur in the biz repair department until next week…… or until *instils patience* the 20th!!!

  11. my darling toro ex nearly burried me

    almost literally infact…

    was a hard long road after that I am only getting back all the things I lost on that little journey (except the 2 boxes of memorabilia)

    and maybe a part of my youthful folly and joy……

    only thing I got in toro is chiron, bet I had chiron link with him come to think of it. and the end of my pluto transit a thon.

    That said- Haute Toro is a wonderful beast. They are always the last man standing at a party, great taste and well defined characters, natural spacial talents for room decor and mega sensual.

    Most toro rising peeps I know have/had septum piercings too.

    1. That’s interesting about the piercings Ms. Makes me wonder what other signs are into re piercings, tattoos etc.

      1. only septum though..(middle of nose like bull ring)
        just something I noticed wondered how true it holds up outside of peeps I’ve met

  12. amazing. I actually have a taurean ex-boyfriend who’s all of the above.. ruminating too much for my taste (aries fermale, moon in aquarius)

    please more of this Hi-Low features: aries perhaps? πŸ˜‰ or sagg (my actual love)

    thanks Mystic

  13. gem le taureau

    Because we are drawn to them. Taurus and wedding are synonymous words in my experience. Sensual, gluttonous, civilised (well mostly) and excess control-freakery opportunities. Have photographed a lot of them and the control freakery of bridezilla’s often Taurean. MUST. NOT. LET. ANYONE. CONTROL. MY. SPECIAL. DAY. OR. ELSE!

    I love being a Taurean for all of the Haute and base reasons though, it sits well in my skin. And btw I miss prowln. Where is she? At least NNB told us she was leaving… I’ve become attached to that lady, and as outlined by Myst I don’t let go very easily! πŸ˜‰

  14. Earth-bound Aries

    I had a friendship-ending experience with a Taurus bride-to-be who refused to let we bridesmaids decide ANYTHING about our attire, our hair, our shoes, our dresses, the colour of the dresses, the length of the dresses…you get the picture. She became locked into a war with one of the other bridesmaids, who was far less tactful than I, and organised with her fiance (another Taurus, oh joy) that the groomsmen would manfully “step in” to protect her on the Big Day if said bridesmaid “stepped out of line”. She told me all this gravely and seriously as I sat there trying not to laugh and feeling very sorry for both the other bridesmaid (someone less likely to verbally attack a bride could not be imagined) and the groomsmen (nice blokes who would no more see a flying insult coming than notice aliens landing on the lawn of the reception venue. Also makes me think of my M-in-L, who Doesn’t Like Change, so much so she had a melt-down before our wedding because her little boy (28 and counting) was moving on. Why am I thinking of weddings in relation to this topic all of a sudden?

  15. Myst, the evolved Taurean you have decribed is my best friend, who’s b-day was the 11th.
    Never have i felt the security, comfort & relaxation i feel in her company with anyone else.
    She is truly my guardian (along with Aquaman her hubby). Loves her big couch & kitchen.
    In a few hours over b-day champers, she completley solved all my moving & renovation
    problems ie: they are going to do it all for me, the trailers, the painting & reno’s.
    Even said not to worry about any lack of work in the recession. Solution? They will
    just add me to their expense account as a tax deduction!
    She’s a bright star i am privileged to know.

    1. Pegs, she’s a jewel and am so pleased your move is drawing closer and it’s associated problems seem solved.

  16. From my experience with Taureans they seem to react differently with different people. Some stimulate them to be brighter, friendlier and responsive where others seem to bore them to snores so they go all boviney, chewing cud and ruminating. I know most of us fall into this pattern but Taureans do it louder.

    1. Leonine Librarian

      Interesting insight Chesh. Is this a recent discovery ala your taurean bloke does this too, or just the over the years you keep noticing this…or something I haven’t thought of without coffee?

    2. LL and TA, alpha tauri has merc in taurus and has jupiter, mars and moon in gem but he’s too socially adept to make his disinterest obvious but he will go quiet if someone’s prattling on. My observation has been from watching other taureans including my son.

  17. Fabulous! I love this! I really hope you’re planning to do a series like this on all the other signs!!

    I have taurus rising, and am trying to puzzle out if this influences me … hmmm.

  18. Matthew Minerva

    OHH my 2 of my aunty’s, 3 cousins & 2 of my friends are taurians! I think STUBORN should be up there! ! !
    im so glad the moon is in Saggo – i dont know why i feel very happy!! ohh and for the last three moons in Saggo i’ve won something = i won 3 tickets to the premier of inkheart,2. 3 books, and today i won a Pink Panther 2 prize pack! go figure
    — IVE GOT MY EXAMS TOMOROW! WILL the capricornian moon help?
    MATT X

    1. gees Matt, I wish my Sagg Moon would bring me some luck! Good luck tomorrow. Cap moon should help you take it seriously.

    2. Matthew Minerva

      Thanks everyone! My first exam is in like 40 mins – i’m not feeling stressed or anything which is very surprising
      wishing everyone the best!
      thanks again
      saggo astrologer in training

  19. Taurean love expert

    Hee hee – I try to manifest ‘Haute’ as much as possible, and my Gem moon stops me from getting too rut-bound…but sadly I am awfully ‘Low’ on occasion.

  20. taurean with the HMBOTS

    this is all soooooooo true, except i’m sooooo not sloooooooow, i’m very quick!!

    are there any other quick taureans out there??? please???

    1. Leonine Librarian

      I was going to somewhat glibly going to mention that I’ve seen Taureans with a bug up their proverbial move quickly…then I looked at your sublime pic…

    2. alpha tauri is one of the head down and march sort T with the HMBOTS, and so is my taurean son. It’s an elbows out sort of charge with a purpose. I feel like I need to jog to keep up. Makes me think of the old Goon Show “keep up Neddy”

  21. i should say i once got a big tax refund. if u ask me mr taurus views me as an irresponsible child when it comes to money and he told me that i was not to spend it without speaking to him first ! i think if he could dole out my money like a dickensian uncle he would !!! but hey i know if anyone will make me rich its him so go taurus is what i say.

  22. this pretty much sums up my accountant ! i dont think i would ever be able to leave him without a hell of fight.

  23. Hey Nico,

    My husband says i have ‘golden bollucks’ for my ability to manifest reality! sometimes i just think of good shit and it happens!

    1. gem le taureau

      Ha! Me too Edwina! One of the luckiest at manifesting things I know (including car parks). Have been going a bit crazy on the owning thing front lately though, usually always have huge chuck out bags for the op shop at every turn (Saggo in a million planets) but am one of the most dedicated shoppers I know. Not big on the whole chain store/city thing. But will scour op shops for hours and hours until I find something to take home.

      I loved everything Myst. Was so excited you did us first. Oh. Probably because its our birthday, I geddit! Anyway thanks. x

  24. as a taurus, taurus rising

    i think sometimes cow people can have a very high opinion of themselves (sometimes but not always founded in reality) that can be very frustrating for others – there can be a little smug self assured ego thing that comes from just believing in your own version of reality……this can lead to a little judgemental/superior streak…..

    And also think that cow people are born fluffers and procrastinators fabulous at pottering away at their own little projects

    just putting that out there – all the good stuff is totally true – i love cooking, gardening, yoga

  25. that made me laugh.

    My life is full of taurean men and women, who do a great job of oscillating btw the high and low.
    The sitting on the couch thing is so my dad! when we were kids he didn’t even need to resist it’s pull to go to the fridge for beer – he had us to do that instead – when he wasn’t out playing with his cows that is.
    Is some kind of serene spirituality supposed to be the high side of greedy?
    I’ve one totally bovine friend always goes on about manifesting her reality, which she does quite well actually, whilst at the same time as having parents who buy her a house/car and so on without really seeming to appreciate it.

  26. Leonine Librarian

    I can see these traits in taurean friends…the high, the low…and myself with Taurus rising. That description of obstinate low cow was so apt for me while Saturn trampled through leo. Not the cloaking respectability bit, I went a little mad…but inertia dear gawd I used to relate to people that I felt like a cruise ship…that the captain was giving instructions but it was taking forever for the the ship to change its course.

    My new mantra, which has been working well, is as long as there is a sense of momentum, some freaking movement happening I’m happy. It’s not really movement for movements sake even though that is how it may read, but more a sense of living like that was the best aversion therapy to just get the grounding stuff sorted so I can move freely, with intent.

    Has anyone else with bovine tendancies experienced this?

    1. I certainly have LL! Beloved Taurean Hubbo demonstrates this trait very well. I took solace from Mystic’s analogy of ocean liners also having the ability (at some point) to steam ahead.

      My gorgeous, earthy God-daughter even walks S.L.O.W.L.Y. – but completely happily – until someone tries to move her along, then the earth magnets come on and there is virtually NO movement at all! To the rest of us they seem slow, but to them their “speed” probably feels just right.

      I like your new mantra. It is similar to one of my recent ideas: Moving forward, however slowly, or resting are OK. Just not going backward.

      1. Leonine Librarian

        Yeah Nat I’m with you on the not going backwards too and the full steam ahead is encouraging.

        You know going into a bit greater depth with astrology has helped accept some of my contradictory bits. The pull between the leo sun and the taurus rising, and the scorp moon have been disconcerting at times. I mean I’ve got depths few people see, I’ve got a fair amount of warmth in person, and yet sometimes stuff takes for freaking ever to get to…or understand, or be comfortable with. Finding out more, the low and the high really helps.

        Spazzy Aqua has a moon in taurus, so couple that with picses rising and this can have her very slowly consider her options while alternating between extreme detachment and then oceans of feeling + plus she’s got a few planets dwelling in scorpio so I get the flash of the eyes if I don’t respect her pace. I can empathise Nat, truly. Thanks for sharing it helps normalise all our quirks.

    2. Yeah, welcome to my world, inertia plays a big part. Until I finished high school my name actually rhymed with the word ‘slow’ and this was a fave taunt of some friends and teachers (I have since changed my name). On the plus side I find I’m quite patient with people and it takes a lot to irk me. Sometimes I do get a little impatient with my own lack of progress. I try to surround myself with people that get me excited about things. Strangely I don’t really have many taurean friends, the one’s I’ve met I’ve found a little dull – I hope that’s not how I come across!

      1. Leonine Librarian

        GM I’ve noticed in my Taurean friends much more of the haute than the low. Most taurean people I know are highly literate…which I find very appealing. For myself I think it’s all in the way a person views it, or personally tempers their traits. Plus it’s not like just one sign excludes all sorts of other nuances and astro influences. To me grounded and steady does not automatically mean dull, it can just be well considered…it’s a matter of degrees…sounds like you’ve worked out your own way to temper it and find positives…very haute.

        1. Thanks LL. Actually I think Myst omitted lazy from the low list or perhaps she was just being kind ’cause it’s our birthday. Chanel 7, on the other hand, did not show the same courtesy to the couch potato – my Monday night routine has been hi-jacked by football. Desperate Housewives has been shafted and – SHOCK HORROR – so has Brothers and Sisters, Boston Legal and 30 Rock. Not impressed.

  27. dear mystic I love the way you have presented a balanced picture of the bull. A smorgasbord of pros and cons is so much more useful than generalisations.

  28. Uranian&Plutonic Virgo

    My progressed moon is in 5 degree Taurus, thanks to your earlier post about progressed stuff Mystic. How long does it stay there for? Have been looking up progressed articles but different answers.
    Anyway, liking this Haute Cow! My prog Taurus moon goes well with my native Piscean moon in fourth house. πŸ™‚

  29. OMG this is awesome!! This is my Dad COMPLETELY! He is double Taurean (sun and rising). And guess what he does? He owns cattle stations.

    I have Taurean rising and can recognise all the above in myself.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *