How To Cut Loose An Energy Vampire?

How to cut loose an Energy Vampire? Identifying them is half the job done. Once you realize the dysfunctional dynamic and start minimizing exposure to them, they drift off looking for new sources of energy. But if you have a particularly tenacious one, you need to set firm and well-marked boundaries around your time, attention, and money.

If this sounds familiar, yes it’s very much a Saturn sensibility and people often make rational decisions to cut out the “strangler vines” during such an astro-passage. Lone Virgo’s dilemma and Mystic + the commenters answers illustrate the scenario.

Dear Mystic,
I have finally cut contact with an Energy Vampire, but it has been so hard!  To cut a long story short, I’d been “friends” with a gal since high school. Let’s call her Aqua. I’m Virgo, Pisces rising, Sagg moon.
But she became increasingly possessive. As in, she wasn’t making any other friends besides me, and was regularly sending me messages wanting to know what I was “up to.”

She wouldn’t go to any social event (e.g., friend’s parties) unless I accompanied her. When I introduced her to other pals, she was hostile to them, and I found it hard to make new friends with her at my side. I got a facial piercing, and she kept telling me how “ugly” it was so much that I took it out when around her.

If I knocked back an invite, she would grill me on what I was doing (instead of accompanying her)–it felt like a police interrogation.

She also wanted to know my work schedule to keep track of me. I always felt on edge and put it down to poor health. She was prone to developing unsubstantiated hatreds for random friends, making prank phone calls and online stalking. I found this pretty unsettling.

For example, if I received an invitation to a friends party, she would respond, “Is person X going? Because I’m not going if they are. I hate person X. She acts like she’s better than us.”
In 2012, around the so-called Reset Moon, I was telling an Aries friend of mine about how Aqua stressed me out. How I never felt relaxed in her presence, like I was always walking on eggshells, lest she take something the wrong way and ‘blow up’ (as was often the case) and my friend said, “Do you enjoy her company, do you actually have anything in common?” and I had to say “No”. She said, then WHY are you her friend?

And I replied, “I guess because I feel sorry for her.” She said, “That is not a good basis for friendship; it’s not good for you or her.” I realized she was right. Aries said when she first met Aqua, she thought she was my “jealous lesbian lover.” Wow.

Aries friend said, “Cut all contact,” and I realized it was the answer. I knew, no matter how little contact I had with Aqua, I would still feel trapped. So I made a bold decision. I changed my mobile number, deleted myself from Facebook, and changed my email.

Then I got a landline call from her at my workplace, demanding to know “What was up” and I said I “just wasn’t feeling very social” due to my “health.” She demanded to know when I’d be better and I sweetly explained I couldn’t give her a time frame. I think she’s gotten the message.

While I get the odd phone call at work (heavy breathing, giggles), I haven’t felt too harassed. I do feel nervous going out, lest the Energy Vampire jump me in the street and interrogate me, but I have never felt happier in my LIFE.

I realize, having been raised a strict Catholic, that I was the Ultimate St Virgo Martyr and Queen of Doormats. I was always the “nice girl.”  While I felt very guilty for cutting contact with Aqua, it passed, and the feeling of freedom and happiness that followed was overwhelming. But goodbye to St Virgo Martyrdom!

I just wanted to thank you for your Get Scorped reading. If it hadn’t been for that and the Reset Moon, I don’t know if I would have gotten the courage to cut the ties.

Thank You, Mystic.


The Lone Virgo Warrior

Dear Lone Virgo Warrior,

Congratulations! It is so hard as an Energy Vampire will make you feel guilty for cutting them off. But it is a matter of psychic survival. And yours sounds particularly toxic. And yes, I remember as if it was yesterday, my Energy Vampire friendship from several years ago. Fuq it was frightful.

She made some poor choices with her sexual partners and sure, who hasn’t? But she was also a Love Zombie  and would whine about it 24-7. Her specialty was going full-bore on ‘converting’ guys who would sleep with anyone. She would have sex once with say) a Saggo Drummer who said “I don’t want a relationship” and then send their mother flowers or pots of jam, signed “Saggo Drummers Girlfriend.”

These were men who would not even commit to having sex lying down. No judgment on the Love Zombie angle of this but she’d become enraged if I would not join her in a stalking venture or listen raptly to hour-long monologues about these “relationship problems.”

My Energy Vampire friend alienated everyone within radius via this bizarre combo of strident chaos and incompetence – except me! She would never tell me her birthday lol (because she thought astrology an occult practice) but then guilt me for not buying her a birthday present.

Weirdly enough she thought astrology was dabbling in the dark arts but her ouija board and heavy hydroponic Dream Weed seance sessions were not.

HOW do these people get a hook into our lives? It’s like getting a wart or parasites. You get them when your resistance is low. You need to keep your psychic immune system healthy to resist them.

It was blatantly one-sided. If I had a problem, she’d brush it off with “that’s sad but ANYWAY…” So I relate, and an Energy Vampire will prey on you as long as you let them do it.

The day I realized that I didn’t have to deal with this person, was intensely liberating. It was part of a Saturn transit, naturally. When Saturn is in play, you get real clear on what your obligations are and are not.

They also inspire rational thinking – an Energy Vampire is literally never a productive use of your time or focus but you see it with startling clarity when Saturn is the dominant influence.

Thank you for sharing, congratulations and what does everyone else think?

Image: Les Vampires

116 thoughts on “How To Cut Loose An Energy Vampire?”

  1. 12th house virgo

    Do you think there is an astro signature to Qi Vampires? I was looking at the synastry chart of me and the Gem I broke up with last summer. Her Saturn and Sun straddle my MH and her Venus hits my Saturn. I got tired of feeling like I was her underling, on hand to help sort/strengthen whatever Venus issues she had at the moment and bolster her career interests. I started feeling like her Mom (my moon is in her first house, hers in my 7th). I’m sure she felt stifled too. I think for a while we were helpful to each other, but over time it just became a drain!

  2. what happens when the qi vamps in your life are connected to just about everyone else you know?

    I tried to cut off a shocker of a case a few years ago thinking I could neatly yank this loose thread from a jumper BUT the thread just kept unravelling till I was standing there naked, a very challenging time!

    I seem to get involved in friend groups, become a part of a really tight gang, get comfy, then life somehow ejects me out of the nest.
    I see the pattern now, and when it happens I’m like DOH should have seen that coming!

    still working on my ‘need to be needed’ qi vamp attracting tendencies, in fact I have to say no NEW ones are getting a gig, its a case of redefining old relationships, like rewriting the rules. As I said there is no cutting off completely option really in my case, these people can be placed in your life in positions where you WILL see them in the street/ at parties/ etc etc they are a part of the fabric of your life, that’s what happens to me so I need to think of them as aquaintences NOT friends I treat them with the respect, and give them a lot of space, “do unto others…” style.

    Bit of a virgo lone wolf myself these days and loving it, finally getting some good work done.

    1. Sounds like an exile theme to me.
      I’ve been there and done that many times over.
      I don’t do well in groups.
      Makes me think of the book/movie Clan of the Cave Bear with Darryl Hannah.
      To be exiled forces growth to survive alone, to be self-reliant.

    2. 12th house virgo

      I’ve got an exile theme going on to. Do you have Lilith in the 5th house by any chance? That’s who I blame from my inability-to-pander-to-groups.

  3. what planetary (mis)alignments can give clue about these relationships? I’ve always flicked people real fast who leaned on me too hard – even as a kid – but I am interested………………….

  4. 12th house virgo

    I wonder…are ALL Virgo’s raised Catholic? I was. Fits female martyrdom so well. Qi Vamps. Someone said on the other post – when you realize you are interesting in your own right, you get them out of your life. If you think you are here to help the weak and sick and that’s your value add, you’ll have them in spades. I had one friend (Scop) who has a complex, documented philosophy of the “We” which basically amounts to everyone on the planet being responsible for making her feel better about herself. Understandably, she and I don’t have much in common. No energy investment there.

    I’m trying to follow the dailies advice and remember my dreams but its hard. If I wake up and start checking messages or running through my ever present mental to-do list, its lost. I know I dreamed of my ex husband, a corn field, and a seedy motel. Hmph.

    1. I think its common for virgos to have intense family stuff at home, where a parent was overly needy and/or didn’t make you feel safe. Lack of boundaries. You end up with this martyr mentality. It took me a while, and I’m still working on it, to realize that adults can and should take care of themselves and that, if someone is crappy to you, they are probably like that to everyone and just will never learn.

      1. 12th house virgo

        “It took me a while, and I’m still working on it, to realize that adults can and should take care of themselves”

        Me too!!! I think I’ve always wanted a friend/coach/mentor to help me self-actualize, and I tried to find that by being that – the coach/mentor/caretaker. I should enjoy the company of my friends – not make them into self-improvement projects of sorts. Duh! (slaps self on forehead)! Besides, someone who wants a friend to consistently take on that kind of role and responsibility for them doesn’t want to do it from themselves. Thank God, I am a grown-up now.

      2. I was reading something along these lines re Virgo tendencies a few weeks ago. It’s interesting to see it confirmed (and explained far more eloquently) by an actual Virgo. None of my Virgo friends would admit to such things!

      3. OMG freaking out now – am Virgo, not Catholic but went to Catholic school, alcoholic father. Yikes.

        Have also read Sun – Neptune square is sign of alcoholic father, freaked out over that, too. Dear old dad, the loveable Chi vamp.

        Astro saves me so much money over therapy.

        I need a cup of tea.

      4. 12th house virgo

        I still want that from a relationship – that mutual nursing/mentoring thing – but I realized I can’t have my needs met by a permanent patient. Hopefully, by knowing that, I can attract people who are interested in being healthy and well and self-actualized, not sick and needy. I don’t know…its hard.

      5. Oh I’m another Virgo with an alcoholic father, definite parental issues as mum was totally self-absorbed and actually delusional I think. They were a zone of despair together.

        To be honest I don’t think I’ve been a crash hot friend myself but I’m oversensitive about being too needy, so my faults tend to be in the other direction. I had one friendship die because there were weird coincidences which I either misinterpreted or which were deliberate, I’m still not sure which. But stuff like constantly reminding me of a mistake I had made (I’d told some other people about something this person had done, something she gave no indication at the time must be kept secret, and it was actually an awesome thing, it reflected really well upon her, but she never let me forget I’d let her down by telling other people of this. Then all her other friends’ birthdays were written on her calendar but mine, instead every year she’d ask in August, when is your birthday again? She seemed to make a point of turning up late to important events where she wasn’t the focus, like my birthday lunch. The final straw was when, after going to enormous trouble to organize special carers for the people I care for so I could go to a movie, she turned up not only late but 20 minutes after the movie had started. By this point I’d decided I couldn’t do this any more and instead of waiting for her I’d gone in alone at the ten minute mark. Man was she pissed with me. Thing was she’d made a decision to turn up late because she wasn’t feeling well, and that was fine, but not telling me that this was what she was doing. not even attempting to phone me to let me know? I just felt like she was deliberately holding my feet to the fire and that was it, I couldn’t do it anymore, regardless of my own faults as a friend.

    2. Double Happiness

      Yep Multiple Virgo -asc sun and Pluto and yes raised a Catholic and had a freind w Qi Vamp tendencies who was Aqua

      1. 12th house virgo

        You know what’s a fun way to get over the Catholic thing (you know, for those who have problems with Catholic guilt?). Order a bucket of communion wafers (you can get them online from a Bible shop) and enjoy them with a glass (or 3) of red wine and have a good cry over your inability to be good enough to consume those objects (I never liked the church, but it does sting to know I’d be banned from that dreaded place – divorced woman and all). I consumed my wafers and wine while wearing a communion veil, nothing else, and taking some self-portraits and posting online. Those, along with a rant about the Church, found their way into an art house mag in Germany. Dude must have been raised Catholic, lol. I really want a communion dress made of white leather. DREAM! I think I only did the photos nude because if I can’t have the costuming I want I’d rather have none at all (how Virgo is that?). Still, it was very cathartic. I love seeing a bucket of communion wafers at home.

  5. Uranian&Plutonic Virgo

    Lone Virgo Warrior,

    Don’t apologize/feel bad for having strong boundaries for not putting up with crap!
    If these fuqing vampires want doormats just give the address of the nearest Bunnings!!

    I’ve dealt with the most recent test in a reply to QuiteLight above, although I must thank my stepmother for showing me the blueprint from an early age, so that I knew the tell-tale signs. Her own daughter thinks she’s a Qi vampire/a control freak combo and has told me she didn’t want to grow up like her mother. Grist for the/my mill they say, correct? Ironically, because I now have boundaries, my stepmother deals with me with more respect than she does with her own kid, but I suppose it’s even more of a challenge for a vampire to deal with their own offspring in an adult, healthy, respectful manner. Just because I can and do have compassion for her (so much fear in her) doesn’t mean I put up with shit anymore.

    Either way, I have peace of mind and my heart feels right. =)

  6. i have to say i a bit of a vamp magnet it is scary.i had a friend who has scorp moon and always manipulating things from me. giving things , namely crap clothing you would not give to a homeless peep!! one time a dress that had all holes in it. she stole a ring i had and ran around town poisoning my rep.
    Her x who she cheated on and gave him some kind of rash on his doodle.. well he gave me bad looks,,,she is born on the day of the con artist… then i have these neighbors that knocked on the door asking if i cld drive them to town for $5 i said no then she came back ten mins later and asked again. what do i look like a fcken taxi driver or what??
    so i also lone wolf as been in the fire once too often

  7. Been trying to find it this morning with no result… But listening to both these guys makes me suddenly want to climb a mountain, get all that stuff I’ve been putting off finally done and tell time wasters in my life to go away…
    (Waves a victory fist pump in the air… Shouts hells yeah and heads out the door to conquer the world)

  8. cancer/gem rising/scorp moon

    Gee I’ve felt lots of things reading all the posts. Only 1 person owned behaving like a qi vampire in these posts and most others acted like the person they were a victim of was a “psycho”. When cutting the cord with no explanation or at least informing one of your intentions may feel liberating but sudden silence is also abusive and a head fuq. There is no clear answer for me as to what is to be done. I have played all parts in my life, been a vampire, been the martyr and outraged friend, cut the ties and demonised them, talked straight bout what’s bothering me and been dumped and done it again and other people have reciprocated and told me what they have the shits with about me and it hurt and we have changed and grown.

    1. LOVE your comment and honesty,

      I acknowledge my past Qi mistakes and have sympathy (while having boundaries) for others in that position. As they are not in a good place. Most don’t know they are being vampires.

      Yes Qi Vampires are out there but there are also ruthless, selfish and calculating who will kick you when your down.

      And some people just hold others at a distance.

      There are many sides.
      I have also played all parts and am not blameless.

    2. I been a Qi vamp like u wouldn’t believe. It took a cancerian male who had listened to my ranting about a 2 years earlier ex to wake me up to it. He asked me why I wasn’t over it already. Something none of my female friends dared as they were trying to be supportive. It was only then that I started to make conscious effort to not drown friends with my misery.

    3. Oh, ya, cancer/gem rising, et al. I’m not denying I’ve been in the Qi Vampire seat . I can complain about Qi Vampires because “it takes one to know one.”

    4. A very significant point!
      I survived a Gem sociopath, but I was the Qi vamping, LZod who called her my best friend for 13 years. I shrugged off blatant lies/reinventions, forewent civic obligation to rarely confront her stalking and otherwise vitriolic abuse of everyone, chose her BS over the friendships of decent victims that ran oceans away from her (one ex- took an assignment in IRAN!), angrily grinned and bared it through divaesque illnesses and relocations when her bullshit threatened her publicly and placated Jupiter-sized conspiracy theories about persecution from everyone from the telephone repair guy to the head of the MNC she worked for.

      Kudos to any sweet soul venturing into such mania with the best of intentions, and I believe myself to be such a person in general, but in my deliberate lack of self-examination and personal responsibility I also chose to validate baser parts of my perso in this instance placed my values second to purgatory with a soul-sucking lunatic. I have forgiven myself.

      But I was a Qi-LZ, and as psychologically and Qi abusive as that is, she was nuts. However, even if it turns out you’re the abuser aka Qi-LZ, someone chewing their leg off to save themselves from this black hole of ‘me’ relentlessly threatening to swallow them alive and running far from that toxin w/o a goodbye, I feel is exercising a life-saving Karmic right and necessity – for all involved. It hurts being the dumpee, but equally what Qi-LZs do isn’t benign.

      MM: “i don’t think these dudes were committing to even having sex lying down” – Phenomenal!

  9. Tend to be on the lookout for subterranean psycho obsessive types these days, after the Libran Scorpio Frenemy era. She’s still around, but a couple hundred km away and I keen a safe distance. Took a few visits to clairvoyant types, and carefully asked non-leading questions re her, at statistically valid ( 😉 ) intervals between visits, for me to come to terms with the level of life-force-hoovering she was engaging with around me. I always tended to think the best of people and assumed they gave as little of a shit about how I lived my life as I gave about them, but NOOOOO…. women can be scary scary creatures who let envy overtake their existence, and the ones who are not happy until they see your light and proceed to destroy your freedom, sense of self, overtake friendships etc…. bring you down to their pathetic level of self-hate…..RUN AWAY !!!

  10. I seem to be a magnet for these kinds of people, more so now that I am becoming aware of my shamanic and healing abilities. However, my multiple exposures over the years seem to have now fitted me with an internal Qi-Vamp detector, so I can sense them from a mile away and immediately go into lockdown until they’ve bounced off the force-fields.

    Classic signs of a Qi-Vamp (based on my experiences):

    – they claim they want to ‘catch up with you’ but prattle on about themselves (without pausing for a breath) for hours instead.

    – when you do catch up they mysteriously never seem to have any cash on them, and you end up having to pay for their lobster/glass of Cristal/six coffees/random menu selection that they barely touched because it ‘tasted funny’.

    – they have a (usually very long) string of failed friendships and relationships behind them, with all the problems always being the other parties’ fault; if they do have any close friends, chances are they are also Qi-Vamps, and both parties are running a claustrophobic, stickily incestuous co-dependency.

    – they *always* align themselves as the ‘victim’ of the piece to make you feel sorry for them; you become their spine, holding them up so they can coast along on your energy.

    – if no-one ‘feeds’ their behaviour they will resort to extremes to get the attention that sustains them (eg. chaotic behaviour, tantrums, e-bullying, etc).

    – you always feel drained, dirty, or downright depressed after being around these people; it’s like they muddy your aura and suck out all the light in your life via the hooks they’ve sunk into your chakra points.

    These days if I get the sense of a Qi-Vamp I just switch off the sympathy beam and walk away. Not interested in engaging with these types of people anymore.

    1. come to think of it I do know someone like that. An older woman. the leonic pisces, if anyone remembers that comment of mine from a couple of months ago (lol). I feel sorry for her, she’s had some strange experiences in life which I think have warped her thinking about what it means to be close to someone. what got my attention in your comments was the ‘victim’ part, and acting up when attention isn’t going their way. and OMG the DRAIN on the energy.

      there’s a term for some of this other behav = “empathy blockers” – they devote absolutely no energy to your emotional state while you must listen to their interminable, meaningless dramas and overblown shit for hours on end

      1. ‘Empathy blockers’ … hmm, yes, sounds horribly familiar.

        Do. *Not*. Want.

        *goes off to run daily check of force-field*

    2. Ms.Leo Noir,
      Especially spot on about forgetting their wallet, cash or credit card. It happened to me, she dined and dashed she expected me to pay. I refused. It was the last time I would deal with it. She was used to her other “friends” victims picking up the tab every time.
      She’d call at the end of the month when she spent her paycheck on drugs, tattoos, partying. She would insist I still owed her lunch and drinks. (I did not).
      I told her, “No, I don’t owe you drinks, we are even.”
      She’d throw a fit like Miss Piggy.
      Sorry, I can’t afford to partying non-stop eat out every meal. I refuse to be a leech or freeloader.
      Just got so sick of the abuse I cut off contact.
      I would be stressed out after seeing her for only a few minutes .

  11. The Lone Virgo Warrior

    Yah, tell him before he uproots his life not to expect undying love and devotion, coz that way lies guilt tripping.

  12. The Lone Virgo Warrior

    Ohhh, dear and lovely peeps, thankyou for all your kind words!

    Interesting the number of people that have used the word “vomit” in their replies–there is something truly visceral about our reactions to Qi Vamps. *Shudder*

    Looks like the no.1 approved strategy is cut all contact.

    I like the idea of boundaries as silver crosses mentioned by QuiteLight: “They can see all that tasty energy, but can’t get to it”. When I think about the Aqua, I’m sending her energy. I need to conserve that for myself!

    Interesting that it was an Aries who told Mystic to cut ties too.

    Many have identified with my “Lone Warrior” stance–I’m mightly cautious about who I let into my life now, and have discovered there is a big difference between “lone” and “lonely”. One is an empowered choice, the other a sense of incompleteness.

    Blessings! LVW XXX

  13. There was this low Libran woman who would ring me up of a saturday morning to have coffee, and proceed to dump on me for two hours…She would be say, sweetly, “I think it would be lovely to get a coffee this morning, don’t you?”

    We had mutual friends in Sydney and were in a new town together, and for a while,I would listen to her dramas as she was single mum of two year old whose father was African and creating occasional domestic disturbances. She works as a prosecutor and has had some horrific cases to deal with (child abuse etc).

    Quite a few months later, my darling staffordshire terrier was really unwell, visibly so and due to go for a major surgery in the next couple of days (she is totally fine now btw this was years ago) when we were meeting for coffee, and the silly bitch just looked at my dog and said, “can you tie her up over there, my son is uncomfortable with dogs….” and just stepped over her to get a coffee…

    That was the last time we ever had coffee. I’ve made nonverbally clear I dislike her when we have seen each other through mutual friends, and while I never berated her to her face, I think she gets that it wouldn’t take very much for me to extensively list her shit, in front of people or not, I don’t care. She has since moved on to someone else I introduced her to, who is in the process of getting rid of her too.

    1. The lack of compassion for your dog bothers me. How does she deal with her own children? or other children suffering? yikes!

      1. Totally!! I found her COMPLETELY not interested in anyone else’s probs, On my birthday, we had drinks at a friends place, and were meant to go on out after to have fun, but she went into a monologue about how her father never told her she was beautiful, til I was drowsily falling asleep and she didn,t even care.
        But the dog was my last straw, I found her monstrous

      2. Uranian&Plutonic Virgo

        I admire the control there Veronica, as if someone had done that over my dogs, I would’ve let it rip, with all the controlled ammunition of Virgo Sun-Mercury memory caches AND Gemini Mars AND Scorpio rising.
        How’s your Staffy doing these days? I adore Staffies, such lovely little tanks, I love it when one runs into my legs at the park!!! It’s like being gazumped by a love tank! 🙂

      3. 🙂 UPV, my little staff is asleep on the couch, temporarily but she and the other staffy x maltese (mini tank!) will be guilting me for a trip to the river shortly

      4. I’d diagnose her as a NPD.
        She really should seek a therapist and not dump on you.
        Friendship should have it’s boundaries she’d crossed the line several times over.

      5. Oh you are definitely right, there is a chillingly deep lack of empathy under the initial charm in her which I hadn’t really come across before, so I didn’t understand straightaway. I guess I learnt something

  14. mystic, your writing is hilarious!

    letter writer – sounds like it was your problem and you solved it – Good one.

  15. my Qi Vamp was an Aries…let her go just before my Saturn return. She was brilliant but malicious, obsessive and a user. Also a stalker. Still get texts from a mutual friend that I’m sure are from her fishing for info while the friend is in the toilet or something!

    1. The Lone Virgo Warrior

      I know right!? The Aqua was totes recruiting others to “check up on me” (stalking by proxy). Gahhhh.

  16. Eeeuuw. Just reading all that makes me want a serious wash in like, BLEACH. Co-deps are just notorious for straddling that fine line of making you feel loved and needed, to being utterly worthless unless it is so BY THEM.

    My Scorp Rising GF sorta pulled that on me. She took early retirement citing I had not been there for her – huh, how is your life change predicated on what I’m doing with mine? At the time, I was busy surviving in the mines of Pluto so wasn’t exactly open for business you know? I ignored it, bottom line I’m not married to her so am not sure where that “reasoning” came from.

    However, she has now re-found God, and has a busy schedule of volunteering and attending mass, so much so that if I call her for a chat before 7pm, chances are I’m encroaching on her wind down time as she now goes to bed by 8:30. I work for a living. Till 6:30pm 5 days a week. I don’t have the sleep schedule of a baby either, sorry.

    I tried to meet up with her during weekends what nots but it was an onslaught of complaints about places being too crowded or busy or whatevs..yeah, we live in a city, that kind of happens. In the end you just have to let certain things pass. I certainly still appreciate who she is but I’m wary of getting too close.

  17. Oh god this thread makes me feel like vomitting too! I agree with an earlier comment that its about our own growth and boundaries, and what does love actually mean to us and sorting that out. I’ve had some shockers, even recently, which my loved ones patologise and say she is unwell, but I don’t think that’s a good enough excuse, bad behaviour is bad behaviour! Lying is lying! Saying you love someone then not respecting them is not love! Dealing in reality is good (painful but good) if my friend declares how hugely they love me, compounded by years of listening to their struggles and struggles shared, and then they don’t show up to celebrate or share the good times with no explanations, well that speaks clearly didn’t it! Qi vampire!

  18. Ha I used to live with a nightmare pair of co dependent qi vampires! A kataka/Gemini subservient to the weirdest sag I’ve ever met. Kataka was the clingy, pass gag sort of qi vampire, and sag was the attention seeking type, who could complain about kataka’s sad ways but lap up the devotion when it was on offer and generally enable her. Vom. Sag was/is also a mega and multiple love zombie, to the point of stalking someone for over a year, claiming other people’s partners are in love with her, baking a cake DAILY for months to impress an oblivious coworker. Oh and then trying to get me to pay for 1/3 of the ingredients and not having enough money to feed her cats. Kataka was not doing her Gemini well, and sag for some reason had a Leo mane and vanity, and they both LOVED their TWO (red velvet…) couches to an extent that I jut couldn’t fathom as I had important functional life stuff to get done rather than sit on my butt … And I’m a multiple Taurus!

  19. And what I read somewhere by Marianne Williamson,
    two things that people will send people away from you, your darkness and your light.

  20. I thinks “hooks” in relationships is about “duality”.
    I can be friends with you if I’m on top and you’re the nice, needy girl and the nice, needy girl has not developed enough sac to become an individual and refuses to get away from the dominator because she often pays for lunch.

    Fear of isolation and you can’t see yourself and integrate yet and all that which takes a lifetime. It’s a millimetre by millimetre process.

    Spouses that blame each other for their unhappiness but can’t seem to part or go to couples therapy, the tyrant boss which is just a scared kid and the deal is , the job’s not for you anyway it’s just one subway stop.

  21. Good on you The Lone Virgo Warrior !
    I know it’s a tough one.
    I let an Aries go round my Saturn return.
    I remember the phone call clearly, even after 12 years
    ‘We’re both going different ways’
    ‘What do you mean we’re both going different ways ???’ – screeching almost
    ‘I wish you all the very best, but it’s over, i can’t do this anymore’
    And promptly hung up. It was like being set free from the heaviest weight on my shoulders.

    Mystic posted a while back a post about her friend Kimmy Falconer,
    I remember the picture with the post, it had a woman brushing her hair and said something like ‘ We outgrow friendships like hairstyles’ – or words to that affect (effect – sorry i get this wrong all the time, should google it !). It’s a good one to file away.

  22. My virgo lesson: stop trying to teach/help cause if an adult is having these kinds of problems, they’ll just never learn. After a certain age just leave these kinds of people alone.

  23. I’m a virgo and that’s THE FRIEND I can’t get the f away from. Its the same person again and again I swear. They all have significant scorpio planets, I think. Just walk away. Don’t engage once you see the signs. They can make someone else miserable and you weren’t the first one they did that too either (I assume). They assume you’re the one who isn’t seeing it and can’t comprehend that you just pity them. But seriously, what can’t this type of person just leave us alone? The fake seeming, dramatic problems, the controlling behavior… its just not cool and why would they want to be that way anyway?

  24. I’ve run into several Vampie Qi’s recently. I must work on building better walls and a moat with a working drawbridge.
    Mine was with a Libra, (finally cut the cord), an overbearing know-it-all Saggo with Virgo Rising, (let her go from the project I hired her to work on w/me) and now a Love Zombie (Aqua) who has bored me endlessly with tales of stalking ex’s and a guy who doesn’t like her and now resorted to lashing out out at me when I told her to just: “Move On.”
    Being a loner doesn’t bother me, it’s peaceful and easy. Keeping friends that drain me is killing me. It isn’t a friendship but a prison sentence.

    1. I keep meeting Queen Bee type of woman who demand to be center of attention, they aren’t looking for a mutual friendship they are looking to acquire admirers, followers, and worshippers.
      Female Scorpio talked non-stop about her looks how they scare off woman from being her close friend, how I must be brave to become friends with a powerful, sexy Scorpio woman. Then proceeds to brag about sleeping with friend’s boyfriends and husbands and then wondered why the friends no longer liked her.
      She talked 3 hours non-stop about herself. Then to say I doubt you could ever relate to my problems.
      Her question for me was, “How much do you make being an artist?”
      Then she cuts me off to add: “My daughter is gifted but I don’t want her to become an eccentric poor artist so I put her in a better public school so she’ll date the right boys and become a cheerleader and marry rich.”

      That’s the last time I hung out with her. WTF!

      1. “It isn’t a friendship but a prison sentence” – love that line. Female Scorpio sounds like a living hell; her poor daughter. x

      2. The Lone Virgo Warrior

        That’s EXACTLY how I felt–sentenced! Well this Papillon has flown from Qi Vamp Island!

      3. Her daughter is sweet, shy and very talented. Her mom asked me to give her private art lessons then had a change of heart because, she wants her to fit in not stand out. Her daughter is a pre-teen.
        I just couldn’t handle being talked at on-stop and we have very little in common.

      4. Electric Eel Libran

        ugh Queen Bee shit! I’m dealing with that right now!
        But she’s not a Qi Vamp because if she was, she sucks at it. No pun intended. She a Libra with Scorp Rising and Toro Moon and she alienates just about everybody because she doesn’t want friends. she wants a gaggle of adimrers but she doesn’t get them because she just isn’t that kind of material. Then she bitches she has no friends. 🙁 Sad.
        Most QI Vamps I know know how to work your sympathy and keep you feeling guilty and hooked. This QB is just pathetic between delusions of grandeur about herself and dramatic blowups when things don’t go as planned….ugh!

      5. Sounds like a Libra I have been dealing with. She thinks she is Queen Bee of her own reality show.
        She isn’t popular or a beauty queen and think everyone else is too blame for everything in her life.
        Very dramatic over-the-top and extremely possessive. Had guys at bars ask if she was my “jealous ex” or if she was a lesbian. Not that I am aware of, but I pick up strong indications that she might.
        She’d invite herself out and crash parties etc where I was invited.
        I stopped inviting her along because she’d get drunk and start fights.
        I had to put distance between us and glad I did.
        I wanted a healthy friendship but couldn’t get her to respect my boundaries.

      6. Omg what a horror!

        I have to work with a couple of peeps who constantly talk about how great they are, and I look around and wonder if they notice that most people do not behave like this….

      7. I don’t think it’s in their realm of possibility to understand that it’s not normal.
        NPD. Reality TV only normalized it and I have noticed it getting far worse. Everyone wants to be the leader and hold court.
        I prefer to be a lone wolf.

    2. yes, Ive cut out so many people I know for this reason and I am so grateful for all the amazing ones I have met now I have a full spectrum.

      too many of these stories growing up, I just put it down to learning. love your friends but love you more xx

  25. Wow, I wrote a longer comment, but accidentally deleted it! I’m going to take that as a sign to just put out the good stuff. This worked really well for me in a very long, very intense situation. I know it won’t work for everyone, but it might help someone. & I’ll be honest, it took me years of therapy to pull this off!

    I set boundaries on what was no longer acceptable behaviour & told her politely in person what those were. I also owned what I was doing to contribute to the situation, & promised to stop my behaviours as well. She agreed.

    Then, when I realized she was breaking all the agreements, I took the first good opportunity to politely & very calmly point it out, say it wasn’t acceptable.

    This was on the phone, just due to timing. She freaked out, ranted incoherantly, accusing me of strange things, then hung up on me.

    I did not contact her again.

    She e-mailed me once to cancel plans we’d made before, & I said goodbye & wished her well.

    I have felt barely any guilt at all, which is stunning. Some grief. I mostly felt relief & freedom. My life feels totally different & much, much brighter.

    Since then, I’ve found out that boundaries are like silver crosses to Qi vampires. It freaks them out. They can see all that tasty energy, but can’t get to it. Some of them actually just visibly skulk away!

    1. Uranian&Plutonic Virgo

      Good for you QuiteLight!
      Love the observation that boundaries are like silver crosses for Qi vampires…ain’t that the truth!

      I had my boundaries defo tested when I did a chakra course. I’ve always been able to rely on my gut instinct (Scorpy rising and its ruler in 8th house + spongy moon, thank you!), so the first person I met for the very first day of the course, my gut said, “NO.” Very loudly, quite visceral, not just the gut instinct, but also adjectives slammed into brain, as if downloaded in milliseconds.
      Then of course the Multiverse proceeded to, you know, just so happened that I was paired up with her, for a buddy system sisters…….
      Not only was the course very challenging, coz I’d grown up witnessing females be bitchy and low, so to be surrounded by just females, gaaaahhhh…..I nearly couldn’t breathe. Of course, the payoff was that I met more females who are women, who are lovely, evolved, loving, compassionate.
      And the other payoff was that I learnt that my boundary-setting I’d been building over the years (therapy helped too), yep, they held alright!!! 🙂
      I too pointed out many times what was and wasn’t acceptable, but hey, Qi vampires are thick and self-absorbed, so they act like you haven’t told them any of that stuff previously.
      But never mind, I held my ground and my boundaries, and relayed the lessons to my teacher, esp. about my not being obligated to be friends with this “buddy sister” or know her beyond the course and my teacher said “Yep, exactly”.
      I often felt this vampire’s tentacles reaching out…..yeuch… And the teacher also addressed this, about being conscious of not hooking our ‘claws’ into others as well – interestingly, the vampire looked oblivious.
      And I did try on a few occasions to see if there was more to her to be fairer (progressed Sun is in Libra!), to see if it was just maybe my prejudice, by inviting her to my place, against my intuition and instinct screaming no. Afterward I felt drained, as I did every single time I spent time with her, and had to just smudge all her imprint out, and ringing the Feng Shui bell too for added measure.

      I’m still glad I did that, and no, I don’t feel bad/sorry for having put up those boundaries. I was clear about them, no passive-aggressiveness as I figured clarity was the best thing in this situation.

  26. I almost threw up when I read this – I had one of these in my life. It took a long time to sort my feelings but the process began when Mystic told me I should cut contact with Qi Vamps in my life. She was the only one to go.

    Let’s call her a Gem with Aries rising, Gem moon. She would come uninvited, she would check everything in my house, if there is anything new, she would ask me its price, she would constantly talk about her problems, her lovers, in between criticize me for any reason. Then she would leave until my services would be needed again. Once she called police to my house because she couldn’t find me at home.

    Oddly, a lot of people loved her (I think), thought she was a social butterfly. For me, she was a leech. She categorized people depending on their use and circulated her friends. I was never one of her “dinner/party friends”, unfortunately her “dinner/party friends” never listened to her complaining about her BF’s sex life. After I cut contact, she found a job better positioned than mine in the same sector, then sent a message “how surprising to hear your presence in places like here”

    Another Pisces rising here. Now, I don’t allow any Qi Vamp to my life. That was the only gift of this Qi Vampire.

    1. OMG, I’ve seen the ‘ picks up objects from a home and asks about the price’ like unashamed valuing. She was a Virgo but used to steal a lot of things from department stores and eventually someone’s mobile phone and she got caught… must have had a bad gemini moon aspect there for the nicking things and thinking she could get away with it.

      1. The Lone Virgo Warrior

        She called the POLICE….to your HOUSE??? OMG, WTF???

        Wow, that sounds absolutely terrible Quadrupled, but you’re right, we can learn and grow from all this. Clearly I’m not the only one Mystic has helped get the impetus to cut ties.

        The Aqua made it her mission in life to work out how much I earned (via cyberstalkery, obviously). She also had a keen interest in property values, etc. GAH.

      2. I came home, thought wtf? The Police had to enter my house through the window. I was too horrified to understand at first. Then she called me to tell she called the police. I can’t even now remember if I had had anything embarrassing floating around – you know dropped off clothing, etc. But she veneered the whole thing with “I was worried about you when I couldn’t find you at home”. Oh hello. I never visited her in her home. Seriously, I should have learned something about boundaries then.

      3. For f-sake, it was a vacuum cleaner, or a pair of earrings, or a pair of pants. It was horrible. “How much did you pay for this? How come you have this money?”

  27. hey cattiva jones, I am the Cheese, nobody moves Me…. I like your way with words.

    I have a guilty feeling that I may have been a Qi Vampire in the past but believe me, I was trying very hard to get by in my life and I didn’t seem to be getting the same balance of effort back from my “friends”. So I tried harder… no I didn’t do stalking but I was obviously someone that they didn’t WANT to be around. Whatever, yes I agree that cutting ties is very refreshing! one of the greatest moments in my life! – done honestly and without bitchiness, and I was the one who was asking THEM to support me. When it became clear they weren’t interested, YAY to cutting ties.

    God bless those hard headed Aries out there.

    got nothing else to say but some good stories here

    “slowly is holy” I like too.

  28. Ha! I had a Dutch Libran girl who I backpacked round Oz with become too scary. She had eczema & no boundaries with guys either!
    Weirdly, I met a guy before I met her, a hot Israeli boy. When i described him she told me she shared beautiful times with him fruit picking.
    I didnt know whether to believe her then I met another Israeli guy who said she had accosted hot guy in an orchard & he had to fend her off. I should have known things were getting off on a strange foot.

    Anyway, we shared a cheap car we slept in and as the journey wore on I started driving faster & longer hours. “What’s the rush?” she asked. I told her there was a guy waiting for me in Cairns. What guy? I havent met him yet, I told her.
    When I got to Cairns I met him & she flew into a jealous rage. Everyone thought she was my lover. So I gave her some money for the car & moved in with the guy. She screamed it wasn’t fair, I hardly knew him. I told her I had told her in advance that I was going to meet someone. She hadn’t believed me, but it was the truth, she knew it too. She backed down & left crying and I was so relieved. Poor thing.
    I really did like her but she scared me.

    1. The Lone Virgo Warrior

      Stuck in a car (or any form of transport) with a Qi Vamp: Living Hell. I’d be fuqing rushing for Cairns if I had someone like that in the car. Did I mention Aqua didn’t like travelling without me? OH YES.

      1. Ok I am Virgo Virgo Rising and Virgo merc,
        all’s I can say is I finally learned to look at peeps like that square in the eye and say you are really on my nerves, can you back off. or I will chat it up
        about someone doing exactly what they are doing, like this friend of mine is calling me all the time, and hey I really need my space, wish she would stop and get a life, hint hint. But mostly
        avoidance is what I did for years and sometimes calling these morons out is like huge relief, and they will go away trust me, the truth hurts, and can free you up immensely! Aloha, oh and I also work on compassionate detachment totally.

  29. Must be our Pisces rising thing. I get caught up with friends like these every now and then. Then last was an overly paranoid Saggo who would constantly assume things way beyond their meaning and misconstrue other people’s words, even those of the people she claims to love. (Someone tell Sagittarians that exaggeration ISN’T truth. Really.) Thankfully, all my Mars kicked in during year of the Dragon and I’ve learned to take NO shit from anyone anymore.

    1. …THEN it’s definitely energy that you need to dissolve and heal from a ‘past life’, or accumulated energy from life lessons not learnt.
      When a constant shadow energy emanates from someone in your immediate family, then it is part of your contract for spiritual growth that you have signed on to interact with them, in the lifetime that you have together. A lot of people find that when they begin to excavate and heal their own patterns of behaviour, and work on emotions and cell memory in their body, the people close to them (family/friends) begin to change as a consequence of the healing. Usually, it is positive.
      Look to what it is in particular that hurts the most with your mother parent relationship. Is it related to childhood circumstances, or is it from in-utero? Ask what your mother was feeling, thinking and doing at the time of your conception. if you have siblings try to see what similarities exist with the differences, and if the ‘parenting’ was different.
      Another way which may help is that every time you have a confrontation, or an unpleasant exchange with your mother, pay attention to what part of your body feels most affected. Is it your head (headache)? Your chest (heart)? Do prickly sensations occur in your legs…does your tummy feel knotted..? and so forth. This is your body speaking to you and you can find where the energy is blocked and begin to work on the lessons/learning associated with that particular body part.
      Once you put this altogether you can begin to heal and transform the relationship with your mother, or at least have insight as to what it is you are meant to accomplish in your journey with her.
      Remember that ‘pain’ (physical or emotional), is never without a purpose. So open the wound and go through it, so to speak.
      Bonne chance!

      1. o wow-thank you so much! As you can imagine it is hard to get a handle on something so destabilizing from someone you just can’t get away from… your advice has definitely given me a hint as to where to start unraveling all this . 🙂

  30. I had a Scorpy friend once who wasn’t as threatening as the above Qi-Vamps but she was definitely a downer. She would guilt me into disregarding my work/plans to hear her complain about her non-existent love life, her poor relationship with her family, and how difficult work was for her. She never asked about me and it got the point where I even dreaded opening my e-mail. I too made a clean break, thanks to a mutual Leo pal. I felt guilty at first but so relieved. Now I’m more cautious about who I pal around with.

  31. Wow just wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

    Sounds absolutely horrible.

    Fuq that. Fuq that man.

    TLVW, I feel like slapping you (I’m aries too) and hugging you (Pisces venus), don’t let someone take over like that, who the hell do they think they are. It sounds like you have a good soul good intentions you mean well and genuinely caring.

    But FUQ. You need to take care of your mental health too you know.

    That’s like Queen of Qi Vamps.

    Funny that she’s a Saggo. I had a bad Saggo gf in my life, oh wow. Gemini Rising, Moon in third and Virgo moon at that. She def had gift of the glib but she used and abused that power.

    She haunts me to this day I’m glad I gave her the boot! Pfft good riddance.

    Only spend time and energy on people that bring you UP. They are worth it 😉 xxx

  32. Thankfully I have never experienced this shit and I thank my natal Saturn doorbitch conj my Piscs Asc. But I realise as Neptune is now conj my Saturn I need to be weary of such Qi Vamps. I am making a LOT of new connections right now and sometimes it gives me headspins as I’m usually used to a few close confidants but I seem to be out there and in demand (Pluto also transiting my 11th and my flatmate is popularity plus much to my BF’s revulsion). Love these insights. xx

  33. Electric Eel Libran

    Sometimes these people come into your life to teach you about your weak boundaries and what you need to do to patch it. The first time this happened to me I was 14 y.o. and the person in question was a Leo with Crab Moon & ASC. And yes, people pretty much thought she was a psycho lesbian lover because of how clingy, demanding, posessive, and controlling she would be. And yes her Love Zombie-ness made mine seem cute and amateurish! But luckily for her it was just a transit and not her natal disposition. She’s been married now for close to 18 years. I learned a lot about myself and how much crap I would take from her. Apparently I can handle a lot which is why I had to have a refresher course losing my male best friend recently, who was pretty much a Qi Vamp as well. But this time around, I was quicker to realize and dump fast, rather than wait years. I also did it directly, firmly, swiftly instead of just avoiding/disappearing hoping he would get the hint. Not that I didn’t try the chicken-shit avoiding method, because I did but it was ineffective.

    1. Crab sun signs are fine but people with Crab rising are SO clingy… *shudder* Can only imagine what a crab moon on top of Asc would be like 😯

      1. Yeah, I have Crab rising, and I’ve been accused of many things, but clinginess isn’t one of them. “Distant” & “ice bitch”, yes. Clingy, needy, no.

  34. they may hook into us but we allow them to – maybe to teach us to grow a pair and cut the ties and put up with crap from qi vampires. and also to hone our crazy peeps radar so we don’t get into similar situations in the future. we will hear/feel the crazy peep ‘red alert, red alert’ sooner than we did with them and we won’t go there and put up with their sh*t cause ‘homey don’t play that’ no more.

    1. You can’t make the right decision until you know what the wrong one looks like. Sometimes it takes trusting a love zombie and being sucked in by them while you undertake to work out what you don’t want.

      1. oh yes. Agreed. Amazing conversation last night about exes with the not-ex. Somehow we both came to the point of expressing a sort of gratitude for our cloying, violent, demanding, manipulative, co-dependent, drawn-out past relationships, because somehow they’ve shown us exactly what not to do, what not to put up with, how to find freedom, and how to love better.

  35. Someone on this forum once posted a wonderful link to a preacher extolling the virtue of “the power to walk away”
    It’s been in my mind ever since. Sometimes I go batshit and need to shut my mouth and walk away… Other times I’ve found that certain people invoke a mutual Qi vortex of codependency … It needs two for energy to drain.
    Again… Walk away. In the case of Virgo warrior…RUN!

    1. “Even superglue won’t make them stay” …

      Love this guy.

      Works equally for the one holding on and the one deciding to leave…

  36. My gosh.. you are one patient person. I have a friend similar to her but fortunately she lived far away. When I was moving 1000 away she was all over me with every step of the way, calling me, keeping everyone else updated on what I was doing etc.. Things changed when I blew her off to go stay with the toro/gem. She never really talked to me again like that. We got to being friends again at the end of last year but it was claustophic for me. I am not use to that. I was creepy. I also had a boyfriend like that. He was on medication for depression and OMGosh.. did he drill me about past boyfriends that I would end of crying myself to sleep at night. He thought it was normal. I broke up with him the day after Christmas when he was accusing me of sleeping with my mentors in a new business. It was my business or him. He had to go.

    Glad you did what you did. You know the feeling and you it is much better. That is the ultimate test. Make a change and see how if works out. I hope it stays this way for you!


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