A Cancerian Birthday Concept?

Cancerians are incredibly difficult to buy gifts for, even though they’ll guilt-trip you forever if you fuq it up.

The thing is, they’re psychic – not like “I had a vibe you might call” or ostentatiously intuitive on social media  – but rather, the real deal. In fact, if you see one of them massaging their third eye area (right above the bridge of the nose, essentially), prepare yourself for a doozie of an information drop.

Crab-Person clairvoyancy is more like they’re able to slide into your mind for a moment to deduce exactly why you got them the gift you did, what it cost, if it was on credit or bought with cash and what your state of mind was when you purchased it.

Their psychic powers are so legit that if there was an association, most Cancer people would be certified in five galaxies. They also have a robust interest in financial security, the psychology of money and whether or not the people in their inner orb are sincere.

So this is the dilemma: this zodiac sign usually cares about birthdays and anniversaries being honored. Tell them you’re not fussed about yours and they’ll suspect sociopathic tendencies.

While some are able to feign pleasure at a voucher or an ‘experience’ gift, you’ll go into their merde-books indefinitely.

They’re into stuff – actual things that you can hold, for an infinite period of time if you’re a Cancerian, obviously. But it can’t be too niche nor mainstream and while antique makes sense because this sign reveres the more artisan values of bygone eras, it shouldn’t be second-hand because Cancerians have enough sh**t with ghosts and emanations..

If it’s something you get on an impulse or with a hurried, begrudging mindset, the Cancerian will know and suspect, well, everything.

So what happens if you treat the operation more like an intricate new technology launch, with models, supply chain scrutiny and failsafes in case of component failure?

They’ll think you’ve got something to hide and preach about spontaneity or the lover who plucked them a simple bunch of lavender from the graveyard but it was the thought…

Could Sacred Scarab scent be the solution? I only came across them the other day because I saw a mention of a companion scent called Zoological Bat.

It’s a guava, night-blooming jasmine and soil-accord dominant fragrance that sounds ideal for Scorpios who want to signal both their readiness to mate or commit and their forever vespertine nature.

I haven’t smelled any of these scents btw. But then I saw Sacred Scarab and while the perfume notes seem apt – blue lotus, raisins, plums, olibanum, myrrh and juniper – it was the image that first captured my attention.

Have you ever seen such a beautifully rendered and yet quirky portrait of an insect? Beetle candids, in particular, are usually big on scientific details, with unpleasant focus on crittery features or the creature’s sad demise in the service of some experiment.

The Sacred Scarab scent imagery is something else but is it actually how they look? Or is it a walrus in an ancient kemetic head-dress etc with a scarab brooch?

And do most Cancerians even know that their original zodiac symbol was the scarab? And why was it swapped, so to speak?

(Keep scrolling for the answer!)

I’ve avoided writing about it because when you research the scarab, the ancient story involves pushing shit uphill.

Although there is obviously a metaphysical backstory to this, I didn’t want aggrieved Cancerians asking me why Sagittarians get centaurs and vision quests or Leos have ‘lion of Ishtar’ cred  but they’re portrayed in the context of dung beetles and arcane temple politics.

Another reason for my lapse in this regard is that when you go back far enough, the zodiac associations become wild, so wild that they’d take volumes to parse, not a single blog post.

But let’s do it:

The zodiac sign we call Cancer, the Crab was originally the Ancient Egyptian Scarab and I believe that religious revisionists gradually transferred it to the crayfish, then lobster and finally the Crab.

Why? Because they wanted to wipe out the old writings that linked Jesus Christ to an older Egyptian/Kemetic god of resurrection/the morning Sun – the scarab-beetle faced Khepri.

Practically everyone acknowledges the supremacy of the Sun in this comprehensive ancient religion – but the Sun God Ra only existed because of this more ancient deity.  Notice how the classic Scarab is shown as holding the Sun between its pincers?

It is a long story, literally but the Scarab or Beetle-God not only enabled the Sun to rise every morning, it was core to the concept of resurrection. At one point, people used to be buried with a scarab amulet over their thymus to assure their rebirth.

Jesus, hooked into so many other pre-Christian legends and adored deities, was also intimately connected with this one. As an example, Epiphanius, a 4th Century Cyprian Bishop called him the “scarabaeus of God” and Saint Augustine also opined on the Jesus & Dung Beetle connection.

I am not being facetious even though it’s true that I don’t really care what bishops think. But this speaks to the theory that at a certain point in history, when the church aspired to wipe out not only dissent but any shred of “pagan” belief, they downgraded this Scarab constellation.

Even today, there are still thousands of niche Christian sites talking about this.

My fave is The Dung Beetle and Discipleship. It says that that scarabs navigate off cues from not only the Full Moon but the Milky Way. Recall that the “milky way” aka Via Lactea – ‘the road of milk’ was called that a la old myths about representing the breastmilk of various goddesses – eg: the ancient Greek Hera, Roman Juno, Egyptian Nut (from where we get get the word ‘night’) and others.

Think also of the words galaxy or galactagogue – a substance that helps lactation. How Cancerian is all this?

So nobody is quite sure how Crab replaced the Scarab as the official symbol for this constellation but I think it was because the Church was trying to claim complete ownership of the Christ “brand” as well as stamp out other belief systems.

A zodiac sign with an established link to Jesus, also connected with ancient idols, magical amulets, Moon worship, lactating galactic goddesses was clearly problematic.

If enough people felt they had their own direct connection to divinity, the whole racket would be up.

So to swing back to my original thought on all this, for a Cancerian gift concept this year, I say go Scarab. Buy for their inner resurrectionist beetle god!