Why Not Invest In An Aries Today?

Sick of stuffing about with the less direct Zodiac signs? Want a more high-energy presence in your life? Why not invest in an Aries today?

Aries knows what you want before you do! You’ll quickly recoup the cost of your investment via that feature alone. Depending on what model of Aries you decide to purchase, your Aries will complete your sentences for you or alert you by pulsing/throbbing if you take too long to complete a thought. Your Aries will also generate your new business or health goals on your behalf.

Strikingly, they need little to no input from you to produce these. Just sit back and let the Aries algorithm do the hard work of selecting ambitions for you.

Aries needs no assembly and runs on raw flattery. Some models self-recharge while others will require a top-up several times a day. But wait, don’t let this put you off acquiring a more affordable Aries. They can refuel off anyone’s flattery. If you are too busy running your now more exciting life to recharge your Aries, they draw energy from others or even media/literature that they feel reflects their greatness.

If you desire a low maintenance but high reward zodiac sign, consider Aries Today.

Warning: This product may fail or not perform as intended if exposed to nuance, subtlety, and delays while in transit.

Ready to rev up your life? Enquire today. Price On Application.

38 thoughts on “Why Not Invest In An Aries Today?”

  1. Be sure to read the fine print… Financing an Aries comes with an extremely high interest rate (in perpetuity)

  2. Must Confess I have never rented, owned, dallied with or even asked the “price” of an Aries Man…

    Alway a price ( irony rampant)

    No spark, flame or fire

  3. Aries husband constantly asks me for “more compliments” for just simply breathing. What a adorable little things, they are.

  4. People take sooo loooong to move when the light turns green, and I feel like I age years waiting for people to turn corners. Why can’t we all just move forward at the same time? Why do I have to wait for the person in front of me to wake up? Whyyyyy????

  5. Ha ha ha ha ha…! Love it! 🙂
    “Depending on what model of Aries you decide to purchase, your Aries will complete your sentences for you or alert you by pulsing/throbbing if you take too long to complete a thought.”
    Always a fair bit of general pulsing and throbbing going on with male Aries…

  6. My goodness – yes! So funny and accurate MM! Please let this be a start of write up for all signs. I love both of my Aries sons.

  7. Hahaha. I love my Aries partner. Perhaps I need to work on more flattery, otherwise, all of the above is so him. This post is so fun!

  8. Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot

    “Runs on raw flattery” OMG so so true. Even perceived flattery will do (smell of an oily rag).

  9. Ha! My partner to a T! But totally suits this Leo. Laughed a lot reading this and will have to show him so I can have the pleasure of hearing him say ‘ That’s not me.’

  10. Awww. I’d be cross but I wandered off half way through. I guess we CAN pick up on nuance, a little. Lol.

  11. Oh that’s funny, especially ‘….pulsing/throbbing if you take too long to complete a thought.’ My ex of 16 years was a rather diluted Arian with cannabis dependency issues. It muffled his temper though and he was actually mostly a sweet and gentle version who had unbelievable self-belief (or delusional) and loved, I mean loved the sound of his voice. I am almost having fond recall for some things but on the whole do not miss the weight of carrying him through life. No, will not be ordering. There has been a theme of Arian menfolk with my girlfriends too lately.

  12. LOL. This made me want to get in touch with a former flatmate (Aries Sun, Sag Rising). The times we had together!..

  13. My brilliant and beautiful sister. Aries sun, Leo Asc, Leo Moon a bit harsh sometimes on my water moon but usually right.

  14. Most amusing! 🙂 I will share this with my gemini husband, whose experience of my triple-Aries psychology could use some tips now and again. The upside on the flattery bit is that since we tend to exaggerate our experience of most things, a little sincere flattery goes a very long way.
    —Wind up and go, go, go…

  15. Vanadium turned the glossy page of the home order catalogue… she wasn’t sure if she was ready for this level of commitment.

    I’ve just started working with an Aries filmmaker. It’s an older model, from ’49.

    1. Aqua-cap-Gemini

      Just tell them they can’t do something, or that they’re doing it wrong.. then sit back and watch the magic happen

  16. Synchronicity! My temporary boss is an Aries and has been exactly on message during a current snafu. I complimented them on same, today!

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