This email and the comments regarding it are most illuminating!
Dear Mystic,
This is not a joke. I actually did fall in love with a Leo with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Fleeing a several-month long period of crushing personal tragedy (family member – suicide, close girlfriend – fatal illness, enough said), I ran away to work on a luxury goods magazine in Asia.
Grief does strange things to you. I hooked up with my Leo editor/boss on my second day of work. He told me to watch out as he had N.P.D. but that he disagreed with the diagnosis. He was hot. He had boxes of Chanel perfumes and champagne all over his desk.I decided he couldn’t have that much going wrong with him.
Here’s a little ditty on the highlights (lowlights) of going out with a frigging NPD Leo when you’re so doped up on grief you can’t see straight:
*You discover he has had three big courses of plastic surgery: lip suction, a chin tuck and a tummy tuck. The plus side of his excessive vanity is that he actually does notice when you’ve had a haircut /are wearing a new dress/ fresh lipgloss vibe etc.
*He leaves a really important work meeting because he needs to get his highlights done at the salon then texts you to demand you deliver him a sandwich while he’s getting the foils put in
*He roars at you about how selfish you are if you deign to ask him if he’s done something he clearly hasn’t. Eg: Installed a computer in the office for the new staff member, bought a fridge for the new office when he drove 120 kms into the nearest city – no, but he bought himself a fancy heart rate monitor, new shirt and runners instead.
*He literally announces he has finished something – anything – by saying ‘I’m awesome.’
*He has such a crazy weird jealous streak that he doesn’t talk to you for two days because you left the office to do an interview and he didn’t know where you were for 20 whole minutes.
*When he’s had a few drinks he becomes the loudest person in the room and cuts everyone off even more than usual so it’s quite insane to witness, then pays for everyone’s drinks to make up for it.
*He never starts a conversation by asking a question, but rather proclaiming his awesomeness in whatever realm he feels is the focus of that meeting.
*He has no male friends. Only ‘staff’ who he bosses around. I kid you not.
*He needs the entire ensuite walk-in wardrobe in our house for his clothes and i have to hang mine up in a bedroom cupboard downstairs.
*He has about 50 handmade Italian shirts and the tailor is the only man he has ever been heard to praise or express liking for in public.
*He buys designer watches online when he’s stressed
His favourite thing to do after abusing his staff/girlfriend and crushing their self esteem is to buy the nearest victim an expensive gift – iPod, vintage wine, clothes for example.
*His Facebook status updates are always about the latest thing he has bought or how much he enjoyed some restaurant/business class flight.
*When you are being ‘selfish’ and crying as it’s the first anniversary of your best friend since childhood’s death, someone he never met as you weren’t in a relationship yet, he walks in and throws the mail at you then says “I don’t know why you expect me to feel upset about it. I mean, I never met the girl.” You then borrow a book on grief from the library and he throws it out in the rubbish bin in a fit of rage and says ‘you’re wallowing, I’m helping you move on’.
After we split, he contacted me after we hadn’t spoken in a while and asked how I was. I told him I’d broken my foot and was finding it hard to hop around/not exercise for 3 months and he took it as a great entree to complain about a scratch on his face (YES) that he got while surfing in Hawaii!!!! AS in ‘yeah things haven’t been the best for me either’!!!
Out. Rageous.
Love, the Pisces In Paradise.
PS: But he was really, really really good in bed. A therapist friend told me that people with N.P.D. quite often are.
Image: Al Parker
Pisces find Leo’s normally insufferable. One with NPD is a different thing all together. I am currently married to one.
Jesus!
Leo men tend to be narcissists, I avoid them like the plague. Same goes for Leo Mars men.
Wow! I am blown away as I lay here with palpatations, emotionally done and just sick emotionally and physically addicted to the ” good sex”. As I wander if I’m on the brink of some sort of psychiatric break. So in love with my bf who is Leo with a Pisces rising and a Scorpio moon.As i begin reading these fabulous insightful post from you bright conscious ppl, I couldn’t stop reading to the very last post. I strongly agree with Aries/pisces connection to NPD. It’s intense as I connect to it from my Pisces sun and Aries moon. I attract Leos….smh. Its as if I magnetically draw them out of a crowd! Pisces can be selfless and Leos are all so ready to capitalize on this! Acknowledging Leo as the sun with very upbeat, happy energy, but when you add the deep manipulative nature of a NP you have a Sadistic tyrant who has succeeded in convincing you of their good intentions as the use anything youve confided in them as a dagger to inflict pain at key moments. This was I think my first awakening clue that something was wrong. Afterall, what friend would use any disagreement to smear your face in the mud of past mistakes you confided in them. He also likes to make public spectacles and if I try to stop him he turns on me and pubicly brutally humiliates me. Im so sad right now because I love someone so deeply who has no idea of how to love me. I confront him and he always tries to make it better. I say our theme song is the one by Rhianna when she says we found love in a hopless place. I’m definitely in a danger zone. I think Pisces identify with pain naturally because of our great empathy and ability to identify with almost everones point of view. So when the Leo drama coupled with the NP pain infliction leads to some Pisces crying spell the NP loving the pain then wants to express themselves with some til sun up sex that leaves you stuck… I’ve got to break this cycle…Think i may need help! These post have really been a mirror to my situation and has helped me immensely! Now I’ve just gotta rip my heart out: (
OHMYGOD!!!
Why is it so many of us pisces end up totally smitten with crazy leos???
I’m still very much in love with my weird, weird leo boss who announced that he should’ve done “anything” to avoid being alone with me, even if it meant being rude to me and that I “had planned the whole thing” after we hooked up for the 3rd time (!!!) lqst december, when I can assure you, I was not. I was slightly more preoccupied with moving to India (we were both in France at the time). Sigh…
You guys are the only ones brave enough to walk in Lion country. seriously. I hear it all the time…. Libras go best with Leos. I ain’t never dated one or even been personally attracted to one enough to do anything about it. I have some good buds who are Leos though, men and women.
I think a friend of mine is involved with a Leo with some sort of personality disorder. He’s got some weird hold over her. They’ve broken up twice, and I’ve been the therapist both times, trying to explain to her what is going on psychologically (in short, he’s neurotic and possessive) but both times she’s gone back to him. Thing is, she’s got venus in Leo so she likes a bit of drama. Last year when she broke up with him, because he had cheated on her, she was soooo melodramatic, saying I had saved her life because she was going to top herself. Then she went into detail about how good he was in bed and how he was well-endowed and I was like “please don’t tell me this!”. She’s kind of average looking and said she couldn’t believe someone as good looking as him would want her.
Weirdly none of us (a group of friends) had ever met him because he was really possessive and wanted to be able to account for her whereabouts at all times (which I explained to her was because he was insecure, not because he just adored her) but I finally did meet him last weekend. He’s nice looking but I wouldn’t have gone out with him because he has long fingernails (is that just me or is that always creepy on a man?).
As they are back together and after what she has told me, it has made me wonder a bit about her and what possible neuroses she may have and that may be they are a perfect match!!
Keep an eye on your friend.
long fingernails? 😯 Ewwwww !!!! No it’s not just you. That’s revolting.
oh my god yes that is disgusting…
What kind of job does he do that he gets to keep long nails???? office work?
He’s in IT. I’ve tried to convince her he’s trouble but as I’ve said, I think they meet each other’s neuroses.
Mine was a Cancer, Aries rising, Virgo Moon. Psychopath. The combination of ‘spectacular intelligence’ as he liked to call it, and pure spite was too much for me.
I realised as I sat in my car out the front of his house with nowhere to go, and a million miles from anyone I knew, that I was actually catatonic. Very weird, detached, but fixed, sick feeling. Probably like heroin or a massive dose of hormones to calm you down, protect you and render you motionless. I also knew, because I was watching myself be catatonic that I could recover–eventually. We had the most blood curdling rows of my life, the intensity of emotion and the venom felt almost life-threatening.
NPD is a really weird psychological response to traumatic events in childhood because in large part it’s a learned response to the society we live in. I don’t think there are too many Amazonian tribespeeps suffering from NPD.
Re-birthing is probably the only workable ‘cure’. For partners it’s particularly damaging.
LInk that is amazing. You just described how i felt. I was inert. Frozen. I stopped being able to eat, think clearly, do anything. It was seemingly impossible to get out of there on my own, thousands of miles from anyone i knew, but i did it. I just kept thinking ‘this isn’t me, this isn’t me’.
But it’s taken over 18 months to feel vaguely okay about it and just this blog post is so cathartic, to know i wasn’t alone. The rages he’d fly into over the most tiny things i’d say or do… and i just remembered why he told me about the plastic surgery – because the first time we slept together he noticed a MINUTE scar on my chin (from a bike accident 20 years ago) – nobody on earth has ever noticed this scar before, talk about scrutiny – and asked if i’d had a chin tuck too. He also upset everyone at the magazine one day by printing a photo of all the staff – half of them with their eyes shut – because it was the best picture of him. Sheesh, i’m feeling ill again thinking about him!!
It was really hard to read your email to Mystic, because so much of it resonated; the possessiveness the walking on egg shells, bad moods that went on for days and days. Insane jealousy, keeping tabs on my every move. It was so bloody dramatic. I didn’t know what was going on for months. But on day two of being there (I moved in with him–OMG ‘duh) he changed from Mr Do anything for me to Mr would not even look at me. I said to him completely innocently, it just blurted out— ‘Do you have some kind of personality disorder?’ And thought to myself I don’t even know what that is (but I think you might have one). Days later when I was standing in the doorway of his studio watching him editing footage of himself I said “it’s very narcisstic what you do isn’t it?” Those two words came together about 17 weeks later when I realised he fulfilled the 5 diagnostic criteria for NPD like a bloody glove,
He rubbished all my friends and saw to it that we had no contact with any third parties. I ended up falling into a very black hole for quite a while.
A very sobering lesson. Poor bastard. He was extremely intelligent, very witty, a great mime, and he had some Mercury aspect can’t remember now but he was a very seductive talker. But even sex was pretty fraught and weird. He had a Grand Trine in water, Jupiter, Sun, and Neptune (prob) and he was really really good with my geriatric cats, one who we had to give IV fluids to for a week or so before having him euthanased. I was very grateful for this. He had great empathy for animals but NONE for the people in his life.
Glad you are free of this maniac and on the mend. I can now peg an NPD from quite a distance. There are a surprising amount of them ‘succeeding’ in public life. Good luck to you. Literally a case of what does not kill you, makes you stronger.
There’s that grand water trine again….
I agree that it is trauma related, my Piscean Pa was born in ’39 in a war torn country. He ended up in Nazi Germany. (I have this amazing pic he did at 5 of an American soldier shooting a bird out of the sky while the Sun cries).
That Aries Rising seems key now!
Narrowly avoided getting involved with an NPD male awhile ago. Except he was a bit scarier than this leo. He definitely had the whole hypercritical hyper observant thing going. His ideal girl, he openly admitted, had to possess a long list of very specific requirements. I was perfect until I stopped meeting one of the requirements. Anyway, this dude wasn’t so bent on declaring his awesome-ness, but actually feigned a lot of interest/concern/what have you. He asked a lot of questions. He made you feel cared for. It was all an act. There’s a long string of women who were dazzled and then left flat by this dude, and I doubt not one is “over” him completely. He’s aries sun conj venus, pisces moon conj chiron opp pluto, scorp rising conj neptune (grand water trine), leo mc conj uranus. All aspects dead on, all around piece of work.
Interesting…Pisces/Aries theme is familiar in my NPD person too.
That aries/pisces combo is unfortunately my kryptonite. The two types of charisma combine to form some ultimate form of magnetism.
apart from what i wrote above, in my learnings so far, i used to be a very fearful, insecure and needy young woman, who didn’t have a strong sense of who she was – so it was no wonder then, that i hooked up with a highly independent and sure of himself character who i became emotionally dependant on, who turned out to shatter my sense of self even more.
i survived by taking responsibility and basically growing real and positively affirming relationships, which then showed me who i really was, an ordinary person who was kind and who deserved love and who could absolutely stand on her own two feet and define herself and securely live her own life
Well done Aurora!
p.s. love your very thoughtful and analytical posts
thanks gemyogi 🙂
as a survivor thru this hell, so far, i want to share what i think i’ve learnt – i am no professional – but if it can help someone else, well, i struggled to find answers for so long to this stuff.
i sincerely have enormous empathy for women and men who suffer with the NPDs in their lives.
I was thinking, apart from the make-up-for-being-a-jerk gifts, what was in it for he?
And there, at the end, like an after thought….he was great in bed.
Amazing what a girl will put up with, if they are good in bed! Memories of an offer I said yes to, from a guy I never would normally have even contemplated/been attracted to, cos he was a legend in bed…and it was my birthday!!
But never would my clothes go into a downstairs cupboard….
*what is in it for her ….
Lates NPD Piscean Pa freakout mo for me was after invited him to a dinner with my in-law’s friends. The wife didn’t have great English and my father was doing enjoying trying out his rusty French. We got to the topic of my dear brother who passed away 5 years ago.
He proceeded to turn the sad story of his son’s demise into a cute essay in his best school-boy French – the real focus of the story being his AWESOME French obviously.
Completely bizarre emotional disconnect. The guests were horrified/confused as were we all.
He is Pisces Sun, Mercury & Jupiter in the 12th with Aries Rising and an Aries Moon, Saturn and Pallas in the 12th too.
Actually he might be Toro Rising, but the rest would be the same.
This made me laugh! I agree it is awful when a man notices everything about your appearance. Too much pressure! I suspect my ex of having NPD, but my question is how do so many get diagnosed? Wouldn’t that have to involve their admitting something wrong about themselves?
“I don’t know why you expect me to feel upset about it. I mean, I never met the girl.”
Un. Believable.
Great story!
yeah, what an ass.
Lacks empathy. RUN!
That makes me want to throw stuff in a rage
Hey , I think my ex must have had narcissistic personality disorder, but he is a Libra. Seriously can relate to much of this.
Have a Libran narcissist ex. He had been accused of being selfish so often by women that he started to use the term to get himself out of trouble when he was pulled up for his passive aggressive tendencies. He must have thought that appearing like you understand your flaws makes the behaviour ok.
On other front. Have toro parent who has written me off due to age and lack of children. I’m a loss.
Oh, god, the descriptions of this guy actually made me feel physically ill! I had to stop reading at the lip suction and highlights… I’m sorry it just gave me the heebee jeebees. Good thing you eventually did escape…
I actually don’t like it when a man notices every little detail on me (this in response to the NPD Leo hyper-active vanity radar). Just recently got out of a relationship with a Scorpio, and at first I thought it was great that he actually noticed what color nail polish I wore. But when he started mentioning it every time we saw each other, it just started to feel like I was being scrutinized. Especially when I went without nail polish for a few days to give my nails a break, and the next time I had them painted he said something like, “Good! ’cause I didn’t like it when they weren’t.”
!!!! I mean I think he was joking, but that’s hardly the point. Yes I do appreciate when I’m told, every now and then, that I look nice or that nail color is cool. But I don’t want to feel like I’m being examined every time I’m with someone! This overly-attentive Scorpio also found it fit to point out everything. Even things that logically, you probably shouldn’t point out.
I know a lot of women say they want a man who pays attention (which I can understand), but after that experience give me someone who decides they simply like the overall picture and leaves it at that! Appreciation > Scrutiny.
I went a bit off topic… I was self-soothing because the NPD Leo was too disturbing to think about!
I get this from certain women. They seem to think i should enjoy the compliment as they look angry or confused when i don’t, but the real truth is it’s intense scrutiny and with scrutiny comes judgment. I say thank you but probably not with my body language. I wouldn’t take that from a man.
Omg. I’m a pisces too and I’m talking to a Leo. Not only is he a Leo he’s white. I’m a black woman for the Caribbean. I’m actually scared at getting out there and start dating.. so I’m still waiting to be found.
Sounds like a character description of ‘American Psycho’.
Haha! I was just thinking the same thing!
exactly! NPD and a sociopath.
Sociopaths can lead normal lives annoying the shit out of everyone in their life without actually killing or committing depraved criminal acts.
SO TRUE!!!!
Been there with a Leo too – in fact I find Leos in their ‘normal’ state are almost indistinguishable from those with NPD but that’s another issue – but my own experience with a full blown Leo, Saggo rising NPD warped specimen, while raising all my antennae that something was very ‘off’ with this character, he proved to be the Pluto tool (LOL) my karma/destiny whatever needed to teach me to pay more attention to good ol’ Saturn common sense rather than to my animal instincts.
Yeah, it was like being pulled down into all the lo qi primordial stuff that Pluto offers. The rebirth has taken about 18 mos. But boy! life will NEVER be the same and all in all I am thankful for the experience. Antennae are razor sharp now. And my Gemini nature would NEVER have previously given the time of day to anything Saturn-like. But the ol’ boy saved me.
I know it’s weird, but aside from NPD, i think Leos and Pisces are a good match. I know a couple who have been together for over 40 yrs…Leo female and Pisces male…. seriously their couple chemistry is like wow! But yes the Leo has a horrible spending habit but she has borderline personality disorder. But goodness….reading this just reminded me of the 2 of the them.
She was also a health freak…super vain…..pantry looked like a health food store and bathroom looked like a salon with the amounts of products used just for hair! 2 full walk-in closets!! one just for shoes!
Run run run from the all consuming flame of a true narcissist. Not a criticism but the most suspect point in the story above is the word “diagnosed” – narcissists rarely admit to any sniff of imperfection and rarely carry a psych analysis very far. The Leo must have been court ordered to do so.
I’d go into details but my NPD’s are my parents (a Sagg and an Aqua) and most do not believe the details — unless of course they are familiar with the actual experience of being the offspring of an NPD.
I would never engage in a close relationship with a NPD person ever again. I do not even like to deal with them on a casual basis now. Talk about crazy makers!
If they court ordered they must at one point done something to warrant a psych eval. Domestic violence etc…
I no longer try to fix, I just run! Run with the wolves far, far away.
Wow – both? How did they end up together, may I ask?
NPD’s would try the patience of a Saint.
NYC. Early seventies. He, a tightly closeted bisexual maybe fully gay – charming, handsome, young aspiring actor from a hard luck family. She, a tiny sweet-faced and beautiful woman-hating wildcat from a hard luck family. He was the shiny prize she had to win. That the others would be out-manuevered was a foregone conclusion. They divorced after a few years of a violent sideshow and two daughters.
It is impossible to be the dependent child of an NPD and emerge balanced. It took me an embarrassing number of years grasp how it affected me. I am grateful that my father nearly entirely excused himself from my life early on. She nearly did me in. She has burned many bridges and is mostly reviled by her old circle of snakes I keep a physical and emotional distance from her but have helped my mother through some major emergencies. She’d be broke, dead or both otherwise. Being around her brings my own darkness out to where I have to deal with it. This is … usually progressive for me.
Always she campaigns against me after the fire is out.
They’re both elderly now, very much alive, super healthy and magically lucky. Like vampires.
Liz I read in a study on self-perception, that narcissists are so blissfully unaware of how much damage they do to other people that they often rise to the top of professions and ‘sway’ people through sheer (false) self-perception. It’s the people who see themselves clearly (and feel bad if they perceive to have ‘hurt’ someone etc etc) that really suffer and hang their heads low. It seems a degree of blind narcissism helps one rise to the top…or survive.
Yeah Anon, anyone/group who is perpetually certain that in every given situation that they are the most correct, deserving, righteous etc. can accomplish a lot by hook or crook. I’d say the polar opposite is asceticism which won’t accomplish much in a worldly sense and at its most extreme is also a form of selfishness on fire. The in between – the balance between these extremes is, to me for whatever that is worth, the highest path.
I love this statement. You are one cool woman!
Was going to add the NPD people I know are also robustly healthy and well off. Makes a mockery of all that Louise Hay and Rhonda Byrnes bullshit. Although, as fishgirl says, they aren’t even aware they are doing damage. Mostly they think they are doing us a favour by bestowing us with their presence and inflicting us with their demands/needs.
And I’ve known narcisstic shits on both sides of the ascetic materialist coin.
This reads like a short story. I love how you write Liz.
The rage is the worst. Frightening.
While you are hooked into the investment/addiction for the NPD you are capable of doing ridiculous things in order to feed the beast and keep the nut happy.
I hope he meets a scorpio at some point, hes just asking for revenge, seriously SOMEONE has to hand it to him, and obviously I am generalizing
😀
🙂
I’m a Scorpio…. And I could treat him just the way he’d like it….Bat him up! *wink
Scorps do sting Narcissistic Leos!
they can just sting anyone who crosses them in general.
I’ll bet! And hearing the way my scorpio friends fantasize out loud about revenge(to be fair to them, they just like taking it too far to upset my delicate sensibilities, my delicate delicate virgo pisces sensibilities), they would probably even enjoy it on some level, finally someone who they can just fully rip into and destroy, the full skill of there destructive genius finally allowed to reek havoc, all justly mind you
That is exactly what I do with my Moon in Scorp powers to my Narciissic Leo mate. I love it. He ignores me or goes into a sulk but someones got to tell him he is being a dick. Ha!
😉
Love hurts.
I know it’s perverse, but I laughed at the line where he ‘buys designer watches online when he’s stressed”…I just imagine a super-hunk in ultra-dark navy fine italian-milled wool, one hand raking through his $200 hairstyle as the other is frantically clicking through the latest range from Longines or Tag looking for salve / anaesthetic for his wounded soul / ego / schedule…
glad you’re out of that, dear piscean in paradise. and i am most sorry to hear of your terribly sad losses of friend and family member before that. xx
yes sorry to hear. do not take my hysterical as a lack of respect more your comical retell of his enormous insensitivity being so OTT> x
This is hysterical.
I know your pain.
I should send a secret email about my Leo father, on par with this in a very different way. Kudos for the escape.
My last dinner with Leo father is on a post here somewhere but to recap, I even got a Lion analogy about dating and how I am getting on therefore loosing my looks/ damaged goods now that I have been sick that I cannot score the head lion now under such conditions. This was after his how are you and me telling him only in the shortest of terms my health problems and he to brag about his health at me and said that such problems did not come from his side of the family…
to which I said. you are still a dick.
lol
😆
Shades of my Multiple Pisces Narcissistic Personality Disordered Pa here – he is always banging on about his incredible ancestry…
I got him a genebase genetic test. He was so annoyed not to be related to Marie Antoinette – or GHENGIS KAHN. Lol.
slogging it out with the serfs- thems the breaks
🙂
Lol! Yes, he disparaged my mum’s ancestry, we are not as blue blood as him no doubt.
Gem Hub said puzzled, ‘whats good about belonging to a group of inbred, unethical power mongerers? Wouldn’t it be more amazing to belong to the family of a genius political insurgent?’. He is so Uranian.
haha genius rebel DNA love it !
This psychic guy (right about many other things) said I was alive during the times of Cleopatra, the end.
No glory insights forthcoming. ha
Probably hauling rocks up the pyramids like everyone else ~ or maybe telepathic floatation of rocks via alien mentors giant brainpowers or whatizit ? lol
I have South Node in 10, fame is soOo last life. xo
really, really, really good in bed is really really hard to leave behind…….
oh I AGREE. jaysus
Interesting. How does someone so disconnected end up being good in bed? Do they use the moment of sex as a ‘cover’ for deeper expression? Are they good because it makes them look good? Do we define good as physical, emotional, spiritual. . . what is good?
I am very curious about this connection between NPD and great sex.
maybe they just last longer because they aren’t as in to people that aren’t them, so it doesn’t really do as much for them as it ought to, and so they can last longer, that’s what I assumed anyway
longer time does not mean better….. there is nothing worse than longer time when it’s average or indifferent.
Hahaha! Too true Sam!
My word. Truth 🙂
imo and experience, NPD peeps have had terrible lives and suffering (their memory of it might not be conscious) – which is why they learn the defence mechanism in the first place, to cope with life, not to say that this excuses how they abuse others…just that as children who suffer trauma have no cognitive sophistication to deal with negative experiences or abuse, but the emo memories are set in place for a lifetime for eg. and hence all the adult dysfunction in rels.
imo, they were basically never accepted or loved for being themselves from an early age…they had to *perform*
and succeed and even go about satisfying a parent’s agenda, ie. imo some were literally used by the parent to make the parent feel good or look good socially…(unstable parent who could also be NPD and so the pattern through family goes on – the parent had the same experience with their significant parent)
in my own journey, i’ve had to realise that the NPD person in my life was ultimately still very much a human being and so deserved understanding and compassion – i just had to get on with and take responsibility for my own life…i changed my attitude to the person to a positive one and it transformed the whole dynamic…somewhat 🙂
maybe they are so good at sex because they feel it as ‘real love’ or feel that they can let their defences down and be free to merge with total acceptance and love that they never had as kids…can’t say i know for sure tho 🙂
I dunno, It seams more like it is not the attempt to win people over, but the attempt to have everything about them at every moment at every opportunity to a total all encompassing compulsive degree about themselves, not a performance but a selfish grab for relating things back to their own importance, so they snuff themselves out of real actual deep attention, because they grab at every little chance of it at every moment, even when it means complaining of a small scratch, it seams like a total shell at all times entrapping them in their own constructed ego, I am doubtful they can sneak away from it so easily, it seams more all encompassing than that, if they could sneak away for one moment, surely there whole little shtick would collapse, if for one moment they got a good look at themselves they would be devastated into normalcy or modesty or something, but the threat is so great they cling to their ego all the more desperately, to be fair I haven’t met anyone with this, but I am skeptical the answer is so optimistic, is all
agree with you David 🙂
my boy needed a ‘mummy’ bigtime, problem was i never realised just how or how much till i left…
please excuse my optimism, NPDs are no easy or fun life and it can seriously mess up a woman, like it did me. i certainly don’t mean to ‘make light’ of it or pretend it was all easy and magical – it was hell and i nearly didn’t make it.
my realisations took a long time and lots of painful self confrontation too, the thing almost turned me into a bitter monster in my response to it all…it is such a complex thing NPD, i certainly don’t have all the answers.
I didnt mean to paint you as making light of the whole thing I am sorry, and you probably know more than me by experience alone, I was just making a little point on the love thing, but its a tenuous one anyways
All cool cool David 🙂
I agree wit the early childhood abandonment/emotional abuse issue. i think you are spot on.
Emotionally stunted and damaged. But, they can heal but they need to want it instead of seeking mommie wives or gf’s to fix them.
It’s really draining dealing with NPD. I just don’t have the patience. The one I dated nearly killed me in fits of control and rage issues, so adios amigo!
The NPD person in my life was mollycoddled and “over-loved” as a child. His mom lost many pregnancies before she had him and so spoilt him to dealt. He got no discipline and no boundaries at all. After reading about NPD, I found out that not getting love from a parent is not the only cause of this disorder.
My mate told me that his mother beat his older brother for wrongs he committed. Now, he is controlling and wants everything his way. He lacks empathy and believes he is a “king” and everyone should serve him. He once told me to cover him up with the duvet because he was cold and then screamed at me because his left toe was still out. He went into a fit of rage because the noodles I made was too spicy. He has never done his own laundry. His mother practically served him and now his “ideal” woman is one that will serve him.
He is loud and he lies and exaggerates to look good. He is overly generous and I feel he does that to make himself look good. He doesn’t take NO for an answer. The fit of rage is worst. I get really scared.
I am a Pisces
Perhaps NDP folks like the control they get from being an attentive lover – so many rewards in other areas for very little time investment in just the one area….that; and all the practice they get with various randoms outside of the relationship. The person who cares the least always has the control, don’t you think?
Very true Iris kitty. In my former life as a desperado I was always the one who jumped and made the effort. Now its like meh! Even the Oracle said treat x mean to keep keen. I been doing it for ages now and it works and I have more control over my own life.
I find it really hard to describe Kim but I’m assuming his ego was so big he just found out what i liked and did that to the tenth degree. Also, there is something sociopathic about such arrogance out of the bedroom but really exciting about it in the bedroom. Also the weird jealousy, i couldn’t even mention anyone from the past – the anger was formidable. He had this sort of Mills and Boon way of stating that ‘it all starts with ME!’
And my God it was hard to leave. But I did.
😯
Kimmy, I have a Leo friend who defines herself scoring high on the NP from the Meyers- Briggs thing and in the same breathe states she is excellent in bed and all of her -name drops – bedmates agree… 😯
😯
Kim, NPD people alternate between charming and callous often wildly and unpredictably to keep their victims in a state of permanent insecurity, which keeps victims more pliable. Their whole aim is to get what they want.
In bed, they know they’ll get better sex if they deliver. They also don’t want to be known as a dud root as it’s too damaging to their all important ego.
Oops, I meant image, rather than ego. Image is everything in NPD. Hence the preening.
short reply 🙂 it was the emotional side of the experience that i experienced as fantastic, because i felt it was the only time he was genuine with me, without all the mind fuq games. the physical was really awesome, but more so the emo connection to me.
That you have left this “relationship,” have clarity about it, and are *in paradise* speaks to the success of your recovery. Kudos, PIP, and Goddess-speed.
If it’s any consolation Narcissism isn’t Leo specific at all IMO…this is almost word for word the story of my Scorpio Sun Taurus Rising Capricorn Moon ex husband…not even a smidge of Leo in his chart! And yes, one is indeed in paradise once they’ve moved on to a new host to suck the life force out of. Beware the person who’s only “friends” are employees or sychophants.
(Hey Iris Aquacat, loving your pic there. Green snakes: yesssss please)
I have to agree that a guy who doesn’t really have guy friends…even 1 real male friend…. something is wrong.
yes, a big RED FLAG!
If he hates his mother- RUN! Run as fast as you can far, far away!
Thanks Scorporation, inc n Scoralicious!. And Scorpiorising :-)…I was going to mention mother hatred but thought it may be too gender specific (does it work the other way?) Even mother ambivalence is a big red flag in my experience. I’m joining the chorus for RUN! Fast, far and never look back.
I suppose deep hatred for either parent would be a red flag. Some parents are however, extremely abusive. eeks!
Tough call but, if a guy disparages or adores his mother (in an unmotherly way.) RUN!
love your avatar too Iris Aquacat.
Looks like Guido Mocafico’s work. Love his stuff
No shit, I dated a NPD (clinically diagnosed) Double Scorp with Aqua Moon.
I do not blame his astro charts at all. He created his own disorder.
What a nightmare.
I have close Scorpio friends and they are fiercely loyal.
Right on Red Flag – no real friends = no real relationships,
even if they have a zillion acquaintances,
and particularly if they are so independent they don’t ‘need’ or get any joy from friends or bother to put in any effort to do socials just for the positive emo energy to be enjoyed –
yet complain no one loves them or invites them and people only ring them when they want something etc.
sounds exactly like my Leo sun/pisces rising male friend. However, i don’t let his whinging get to me. I ignore it. He is so totally stuck in his own Narcisstic world he can’t move. He has lots of other lovely Leo traits though – very generous as long you pay him back in champagne.
good for you LG, champagne is good 🙂
AL here 🙂
yup, holy crap. we’ve met/dated the same dude.
Yah 🙂
Ahh! I’m a Pisces and I just did the exact same thing! I date da self absorbed Leo. (A Sun, Moon, Venus in Leo). He had a major projection problem (he projected his feelings on those around him), his friends were never paying enough attention to him(he complained about it all the time), all his close friends are women and was always telling me what I could do to “chase him away”. I asked him one day if he ever thought about what he was doing that might “chase me away”. He said no.
My problem is that we just broke up and I still miss his arrogant ass.
It’s not a problem to miss him, it’s natural. And it’s not so much him that you miss, only the familiarity of the situation. Even when it’s messed up, familiarity is strangely comforting… Before too long, your New situation will become familiar, and he will be just a blip in your history. No worries.
Thanks for the wise words. 🙂
Been there done that, got the tee as they saying goes.
Leo wasn’t diagnosed (that I know of) as a NPD but, really could have been. He had five closets for his clothes and over 200 sunglasses. He was in love with himself. He was not a model type either but, fancied himself to be a Calvin Klein model. He clearly wasn’t in reality.
They never get diagnosed.
My mother is a Leo with narcissistic personality disorder (Saggitarius Ascendent, Aries Moon, Venus Leo conjuct Sun and Pluto in 8th house) who was married to my Pisces Father for 21 years. She left and none of us miss her arrogant ass at all. Yucky!