The email arrived with just the subject heading – What To Do If A Cancer Man Is Ignoring You? – no message text, no context. So, thinking it might be an Ask Mystic question, I replied and the email was returned; this users mailbox is full – their quota exceeded. How Mercury Retrograde is this?!
But what if the Cancer man in question had also tried to reach this person?! It’s poignant to imagine. So, for the full-mailbox person and anyone who may be interested, here is my answer to the question.
First, assess the obvious. Are your in-boxes and so on all working? Could this person actually reach you if they wanted to?
Next, figure out whether he is, in fact, ignoring you? Tough Love Time: Could he be oblivious to your existence? If yes, this is Love Zombie territory. Pull out pronto and engage L.Z Protocol.
Cancer People Are Tacticians
Once you’ve established that the thing with Crab-Man is real and a legit going concern, formulate a plan.
Unlike some Sun Signs, Cancerians do not usually withdraw as a way of ending the relationship. If they want to break up with you, they will do that dialogue. They are not Space Addicts. They’re into intimacy and proximity. They wield absence as a weapon and will deploy it if they feel emotionally threatened.
Cancer People are tacticians, wily and strategic about everything. They also perceive about 60% more of your emotions and psyche than they will let on to you. The Cancerian E.Q. is off-the-scale. Do not try to out-game them. They’ll pick up on fake nonchalance or information probes. They sense aura fluctuations FFS.
In their mind, they’re powerful within their shell/fortress and waiting for the other person to (1) figure out what the transgression was and address it in a meaningful fashion. Or (2) accuse them of having withdrawn for a petty reason. Ie: “you shouldn’t have felt that way – it was nothing.”
In either case, the Cancer Man will do dialogue but probably resort to psychological warfare if you frame their withdrawal as unnecessary. High-Vibe Cancers are good at discussing emotions and expressing their feelings. The Low Vibe ones evoke Iron Curtain levels of gaslighting and manipulative interrogations.
Don’t Attempt To Out-Space Them
Whatever you do, don’t attempt to out-space them. That works with Aquarius people – ignoring them is an aphrodisiac. It can also be effective with the Fire Signs, arousing their competitive instincts. But Cancerians will just settle in like it’s a siege and they’ve got enough grain stores, pentacles + mead for a century.
Worse, they pick up on when someone is even thinking about them. Any Water Sign has this knack but Cancer in particular. They may not be able to detect the exact timbre of the thoughts but they’ll be able to get meta-data: lust, yearning, social stalking.
So to answer the original question, if you want them gone, just delete, block etc. If not, identify the precise issue in play and streamline it into an eloquent delineation. Wait until the three days before the Full Moon (when Cancerians are at their highest consciousness) and hit send.
Thoughts?
Image: Erwin Olaf
I think cancer woman will address an issue once or twice and then we observe and pull back…umm as a Cancer woman..cancer men to me are a bit more childish
I agree.
Cancer men are indeed very childish.
can you do one of these for libra please
*Looksup, me too bud, me too.. crabx2
but you know what, my sagi bestie has been ‘giving us space’ for a little over nine months. Its horrendous. I am all over the mead rations, I could wait it out ‘the space’ for a millenium. If they dont get it/you/the situation and cannot take responsility for any hurt feelings and deal, they’re a doosh bag. Its that simple. I would however, consider a sync relationship chart of some sort… but that would involve giving it more thought than perhaps it deserves right now.
I do know when she is thinking about me though
I have found over many ears as a Dbl Cancer that Cancer and Sag come from different energetic places, so as much as we can be attracted in all sorts of ways , even for friendship, in the end neither is satisfied.I am friendly but don’t delve in on any level…. also these are two competitive signs, but Cancer’s paasion comes from the heart, Sag’s come from the mind…very different 🙂
So true for your articulations. I feel for me it’s like faith and passion come from the heart centre source.
This or, just insult their cooking…
and if you really want to twist the knife; refer to a meal from at least a year ago.
#brutal
Or 20!
Hilariously accurate. Perhaps also insult their extensive pantry organisation /suggest they’ve forgotten to include an essential ingredient. #headblowsoff
Guilt them. They love guilt. It’s like etheric toffee-cake to them, they thrive on it. Hahaha!
Prowling the internet for what to do about a Cancer friend I’m in love with who has ghosted me and I come upon this. Well, I’m sure he knew but it just flopped out of my mouth like a fish at our last parting (at the feb new moon) and it cannot be “met” so apparently we can’t be in touch now. We live in different countries so I think I just wanted to tell him to feel close to him? Totally weird slip. I’m a pisces. He’s clearly not that into me, and I’m sure I freaked him out, but I’m devastated and wallowing in all the triggered fears of the past… not fun. I’m not thinking of reaching out, but just wish I could move on already, that’s what your oracle would say, Mystic. I guess I’ve just got to sit the feelings out on my side too.
Lol cancer ignore reasons:
they’re mad
u really hurt they’re feelings
or
they’re scared
A
My Cancer is exactly like this. For three years, he has repeated the same pattern over and over. He will retreat deep into his shell at the first ping of pressure and no pushing or prodding will deliver a response. You simply have to wait. Let him process and in about three weeks time, he will emerge and pretend everything is normal. I waiver between accepting this as being his natural, instinctive moon-induced energy and hurling judgement about him being an introverted narcissist. Unquestionably we are all individuals but ‘absence as a weapon’ is hurtful and emotionally immature. Despite knowing he still wants me in his life, I’ve walked away as Mystic suggests… because no rational argument will persuade him to discard his protective shell.
Now this I’ve experienced. And it’s hard to process because it seems at the first sign of pressure they scuttle away. Claim they’re doing it for you. But really it’s a self preserving retreat in the face of perceived attack.
Say what you mean mean what you say and then… no judgement. Just hmmmmm interesting. Then if you get some visceral response go figure out why. Because when we ping off something or some one it’s because it’s our stuff reacting. And in this case I can’t see he’s doing much wrong apart from not fulfilling the questioners desires or demands. Mostly we get cross or disappointed because our expectations are not met. I say let sleeping cancers lay.
I don’t think cancerians would be prone to ghosting. And without context … this could be an entirely non cancer related issue.
Plus maybe check if your voicemail has gone the same way as your inbox.
I should clarify – they don’t retreat without reason.
And how well do you know him?
Hey there it’s Ok, I don’t think the hate is real, it’s just the manifestation of broken hearts, general weltschmerz, Don’t we all indulge in a bit of hyperbole when the pangs are still fresh? All x are bastards! And then we go off and promptly fall for another x. I think people here know it’s a safe place to vent a little, that’s all.
upon reading the subject question…my immediate answer was… laugh
i think a cancer male invented PDE
What is PDE??? Public displays of evasion?
Estrangement? I googled it but none of the replies fit;-p
Nope. It’s my version of BDE but substitute past for big. A proper haunting haha
Being a Cancer myself, if someone shot me off a no text heading only email and had a full return inbox I would ignore them too. I literally see people like that as not worth my time or energy. But maybe that’s my Capricorn rising instead.
Also I.D with the siege mentality. Mixture of unhealthy pride and a shell can mean that I would rather wait for them to come to me and admit whatever fault I think they have, than actually talk to them first.
Find someone else — he’s just not that into you
This is so funny. For the last few years I reckon I would have had a draft of that email waiting to go. The email account I used to correspond with my married Cancer has been hacked and I don’t have access to it anymore. And I haven’t tried to gain it back. These days I consider myself successful if my Cancer ignores me as I’ve made myself so plainly clear that there is nowhere for us to go unless it is the real deal, which it won’t be. It was a fantastic affair but I can’t imagine us working in real life. I ended it in 2016. He did reach out earlier this year by text and we had a coffee. He was just putting feelers out. I love him dearly, he knows this but I am no longer willing to participate in this dynamic. I told him to find a replacement for me as he is so very married, now I just wish he would let go. Cancers and their claws!!
OMG. I am not Cancerian per se, but I do have Saturn conj mars in cancer (exact within seconds) and this:
In their mind, they’re powerful within their shell/fortress and waiting for the other person to (1) figure out what the transgression was and address it in a meaningful fashion. Or (2) accuse them of having withdrawn for a petty reason. Ie: “you shouldn’t have felt that way – it was nothing.”
…is exactly my current tactic for dealing with my extremely recalcitrant Aries/Cap dude (not a dalliance but a 19 year partnership), who thinks he’s Robinson Crusoe or some bullshit. Thank you for describing it so succinctly lol
This is not my preferred option btw – I’m an Aries rising with a Taurus trifecta and Mercury in Gemini – my preferred tactic is always dialogue, as quickly and directly as possible. But if all else fails…
Run. As far away as possible. Their little “ignoring” game will drive one crazy. I can’t stand them. And I know, I’ve had two Cancerians really hurt me in the past, one abused me.
Yes, I have been traumatised enough to paint the same brush over all Cancerian males. I have Cancer in Venus & Mercury so yeah, I’ll remember forever.
Taking generalised negative opinions expressed about Cancerian men personally could also be interpreted as low-Cancer.
You should take a moment to re-read Ms Jemini’s comment. You and I both know what it is like to be subjected to abuse, you should be able to have some empathy for the hurt she must feel, but in your defensiveness you seem to have ignored what she said.
I hope you are ok Ms Jemini.
xx
I’m just going to keep quiet from now on and continue lurking.
Please don’t. It’s only when we open up and say things that we can truly see them and get toward the bottom of them. And all comments are useful even the ones that sting. Sometimes they’re the most useful !
It sounds way too complicated. If he cares, he will show you. If he doesn’t, then he either doesn’t or he has his own personal issues.
I would send one last inquiring message. If he doesn’t respond, I would drop it. Drama is way overrated, and never fulfilling.
same as if any man ignores you. go find someone else. easier said than done but after melting down over an incomprehensible triple libra double scorpio for almost an entire year, and trying to figure out if he was communicating with me in scorp-code but his utter lack of personal commnication with me meant i just shrugged and went ‘meh, i guess that’s just a coincidence so i won’t embarrass myself by showing up under a misapprehension’
where was i?
oh yeah. fuq it off and they can float back in on the tide. if you’re very caught up LZ style, try very very hard to avoid the Rabbit Hole. list the strategies you will engage to stay up, and yourself. get some trusted friends to motivate you to focus on your life, not his.
anyway i guess this is a wishlist for me, and maybe not anyone else. good luck, though.
i think this is good advice and universal. ppl that ignore= emotionally unavailable
I think some of this is legit for people with Venus in Cancer too, right? I have had two Venus in Cancer women just off and disappear, one will even block you so you can’t communicate with her at all! Also, was married to a Cancer sun.. agh the mothering and nesting. I can’t deal with trying to take everyone in and care for all PLUS the emotional roller coasters. Not bashing here, I just have very little water and nothing in Cancer, I am very Fire dominant and Earth dominant and I don’t have the aptitude to get or deal with emotions at their level. Funny thing is… I actually have (one of the only water signs I have) Venus in Scorpio and I can cut them off at the flip of a switch and they have no idea, so…. stalemate LOL
‘Cancerians will just settle in like it’s a siege and they’ve got enough grain stores, pentacles + mead for a century’… so funny!
“Enough grain stores, pentacles and mead for a century” *giggles* Love your precise and evocative language talent, Mystic.
That 3 days before the full moon is some incredibly witchy advice ( my Circe conjunct Venus is grateful and, being in Aqua, willing to experiment.)
thank you! If you are into Circe, keep an eye out for a new consult coming soon!
Great Mystic! Please include Moon’s Nodes/Circe. And I’d be interested if you consider her relationship with Hecate to be important in interp.
It is going to have Circe, Hecate, Morgan, Astarte, Herodias, and the Via Combusta& nodes if relevant
Wow! Taking care of all the growing witches here. And nothing like it anywhere else.
Nothing beats like Crab cracking loyalty. I sense stuff all the time and it’s potentially a head fuq, actually it has been and I’ve got the medical records to prove it. You don’t get to high vibe Crab unless you have learnt the art of war and that every day is a potential battlefield. Tenacity and tactical strategies always. Love is just another battlefield, silence is certainly not golden when that comes to town. So much could be lost when you don’t follow things through.
I had to tell a low Crab fella to leave me allow or I’d call the police. Enough with his antics and keeping me on a string and lying to me about his on again/off again relationship. We had something years ago because his Mum was my naturopath at the time, I’m grateful to her for her hairdresser referral. His parental abandonment issues are extensive even back then. Nothing has changed and he admitted to stalking me at my old accommodation (from 2001).
In recent years he wasted 18 months of my life through deceitful conduct. I’d had enough so I decided to get back at him by lying about falling pregnant to him and a miscarriage. He had left me stranded in a City I couldn’t get out off and $100 cab fare later, a plane ticket I couldn’t change. Tactically not the best approach to lie to him but he needed to feel the gravity of the pain he caused me. Fella my time is precious your idiotic behaviour is not welcome here. I hope that’s the end of that story.
Adding insult to injury I was criminally stalked from 98/99 – 2002 (I’m one of 50 other females) and my dreams at that time were spot on too. This man returned again via telephone and social media in 2017. I’ve had to call him out on social media because the protection order expired some years back. Subsequently I take allegations of stalking very seriously.
Low Crab men are a no go zone.
Well there’s this thing that has happened and I don’t know if it is synchronicity or Mercury Retro jokes.
I met this guy on December 26th on a post Xmas very unholy funny party. We immediately hit it off, he changed his sit to be close to me and we chatted relentlessly for the whole dinner without giving any thought to whoever was around.
Then on the day after I had an appointment with my friend – the one who had invited me to the post Xmas party – and when I got there I found him there and she had already left. I changed my plans and stayed there and we – again – spent all the time chatting so much that when we moved to the restaurant one of the guys said “save M that spot in front of her, he’s gonna want to sit there anyway”.
Then our convo moved to the age subject and when he found out I am 46 (he’s 34) things cooled off. I wasn’t at ease and after an hour or so we saluted and never seen again.
We had exchanged FB contact but never had any chat on social.
After a month or so his face popped up on the “people you might want to follow” on Instagram: my heart almost popped out of my chest and, without even thinking, I clicked on follow. I thought I was stupid and went all “Oh no now he’s gonna think I searched for his account and stalked him” which I hadn’t but then, since we are not seeing each other in any way I spent a couple of days relieve those 2 nights and then he was off my brain and heart.
So last Friday I was al giddy after a dinner with a couple of my best girl-friends (and a couple of beers helped too) and a song popped up in my head – one that i particularly love – it’s called “the stars of track and fields” from Belle and Sebastian.
While singin’ it to my self I opened Instagram and there it was: a new picture posted by him. He’s got like 5 of them in his account, not very active. I liked it (Narcissus flowers who had just popped out of the earth) and clicked on the heart icon. I close instagram and again, he’s gone from my brain and heart.
So yesterday the moment Venus entered Pisces, while fighting a huge headache, I opened Instagram and he had liked my last picture.
My heart popped out of my chest and I enjoyed the feeling. I have thought of him while waking up this morning.
And I opened Mystic stories and there’s THIS article about Cancerian man.
Do I need to add that he’s a Kataka guy?
I am not in a LZ spell, I know that for sure, but I find it odd that I get him to pop up like this after nothing happened for months.
Is this MR screwing up with me and shall I proceed to ignore this?
I am sorry if this comment is inappropriately long; if so I erase it and write to Ask Mystic!
Really love this story, Miss Dee, it makes me smile for you. Merc Retro is a revising time, so it’s great that you close quietly and forget, then the universe reminds you. Perhaps just appreciate how it opens heart energy in you, and seeing that in another. After 18 April, if there is anything beyond reflection and appreciation there, you will know. (And maybe check the astro from the meeting time, and ask what the planets and aspects of that time are raising their faces for you to consider bringing back into your energy or can completely let go.)
It was a South Node on my bc North Node (and NN on my BC South Node) thing + Venus trine my Kataka Mars.
I guess the Venus/Uranus aspect in play now (as per Mystic horoscope) which are also trine and sextile to my BC Venus brought this up? Anywho I have no choice but forgetting about it and let thing flow for now.
Very mercury retrograde indeed! So good of you, Mystic, to get a response out to the phantomesque questioner.
What, Cancerian men exist?! Never met one in my life! Nor that many females either, for that matter, but at least a couple. Wish I did know more, as I do admire their super-sensitive superpowers and find them exceptionally easy to talk to. So yep, while a Cancer might need to retreat I don’t imagine ignoring them would work well.
Yeh, both Piscean and Mars Virgo high up in taking care compassionately of the details, and humbly maintaining your good rep. Mystic still teaches me a lot about the Virgo Pisces axis just in her style of engaging with her work.
lol my ‘arrangement’…-cancer rising saw right thru my feigned nonchalance at the weekend…canny
This reminds me so much of my ex. Mars in Cancer (the low expression, pass-agg manifestation). Neptune rising in Scorp.
If a Cancer man is ignoring you, I’d say count your luckily stars. Cancer men make great friends (I have several) yet are lacking when it comes to being a decent partner (granted, my mates may have not yet met the right person yet?). I’m a Cancer Sun, and find that my other placements (mostly in fire signs) and Gemini Moon really impact my ‘Canceriness’ as in diminish much of the E.Q. capacity. Always useful to check moon placement if possible.
Oh sorry … to the question what to do if a Cancer man might be ignoring you. Nothing. You can do nothing. If they’ve gone into retreat then nothing will pull them out of there except their own selves. If you can identify you’ve done them wrong somehow, then an honest and heartfelt letter or card of apology might melt the icewall they’ve created to protect themselves. If you’ve done nothing wrong …. then just let it go.
Well I’m not a man, but I am a Cancer Sun/Venus.
Ok ok I have a Sagg moon in the 7th house and my Mercury is in Leo AND a Gemini Asc so …. my first instinct when hurt or wounded or otherwise pissed off is to like create a psychological and mental fireball of all the shit you ever did to me and wallop you with it such verbal and psychic force that you’ll be rendered speechless for quite some time.
THEN once I believe my message has been well and truly delivered, I’ll stomp off into a sullen fortress where you are persona non grata for at least … oh I don’t know. Depends on what’s going on with the moon. But possibly into the next life (depending on your transgression).
As a Cancer I can take a lot of shit, people’s moods, bad behaviour. I generally understand that we all have flaws and am usually empathetic and forgiving.
But if you threaten my security, my home, my mum or my money then god fucking help you.
Love this. Cancer Sun/Mercury, Aqua ASC, Gemini Moon here, yes to all you said!
Yeah we’re normally like all peace, love and harmony right? It takes some really downright asshole behaviour for me to completely lose my shit. But when I do, I’m sure orbiting satellites can pick up the thermonuclear explosion. Weirdly enough the people who have REALLY pushed the red button are Scorpios.
Viv isn’t a Cancerian. He’s a Piscean. As a player for the West Indies I have no doubt he copped his unfair share of racially based unfair slagging and racist hate mongering. Like every excellent Piscean he redirected all that nasty hate into smacking sixes off every bowler who came his way. Tehehehe … I loved watching him play. Betcha he had more than a few planets in Aries too! 😉
Big cancer stellium here 4th and 5th house so I do this stuff. Ido wish that some one had told me about my nature aged about 3/4 years old. Because we are sooooo very in tune aura reading etc and running off when auras go bad or threatening. ( air parents). It took me until I was thirty with a huge Saturn return plus plus to understand what sheer super power I had. And still to this day it gets stronger. I don’t hesitate to be real, I walk away rapidly from any shifts I sense or I step in to add reality and honesty. Cancer is an odd sign to be. Sooo strong because we are sooo sensitive. I don’t think I’d wish it on anyone !
“You shouldn’t have felt that way, it was nothing” “pentacles and mead”” don’t try to out EQ” cancerian starter pack
This whole article made me cry laugh. Part of my 1° cancer Chiron 20s karma is to have gone through a slew of them. And quite honestly their conflict style freaks me out . But the lesson learned was not to runaway bride from emotional expression. And that my feelings are just as important as anyone else’s. Well maybe not cancers 😉
Even if they’re not feeling that right now 🙂
I read the first line and thought of Proust! And I had to look him up-Cancer of course, but not the author of this obvs, definitely reminiscent in that first line though.
yepppppp. Female Cancerian here. It’s all true bahaha I reckon these traits come good when we grow the fuck up and stop being so sideways in coming forwards all the time. So why waste ya time with anyone who ignores you as a tactic, gaslights you or fucks with your head (regardless of Sun Sign)? Get a Cancerian who is ethical with our super powers / silliness or fuck us off completely. Actually – why bother with tactics in love at all?
Tactics suggests a deliberate, conscious decision which I personally don’t believe is the baseline from which people operate, unless they are an actual sociopath. Regardless of sign, I reckon most of us behave unconsciously when it comes to emotional reaction and repeat inherited family styles of emotional communication – unless we make a conscious effort to examine the whole thing and become conscious enough to change our inherited responses. That being said, I’ve done tonnes of therapy and I’ll friggin go you like a rabid dog if you threaten my security or family or money.
I dunno… with a Moon in Scorpio, you’d better believe tactics are the baseline from which I operate… which is only to protect that emotionally reactive center. It’s not a conscious decision. It’s like I have this Warrior Protector around my heart (perhaps that’s the Aries stellium; both are ruled by Mars, so….)
Oh ye gods, wild to see this pop up here as just today I nudged the kataka man in (or out) of my life and got the brush off–though I’d SWEAR he has moon in Aquarius (as a triple Aqua I think I can vibe it and syncs with his b’day)–has all the Cancer perceptiveness and telepathy plus the Aqua disconnect bet intellect and emotions, ability to put down gates when any sort of emotional vulnerability/avowal comes up, and it’s a massively confusing combo.
Basically, old flame, going through post-break-up stuff–we had a epochal hook-up back in January but got together more recently and it was a confusing night with a lot of mixed emotions circling around and sense he’s still in a raw, self-protective place, wanting connection but very much has emotional barricades up and in a fragile place–literally in part as we’d gone back to the place he used to share with his erstwhile partner. I sent him a thoughtful email a few days later telling him to take whatever time he needs to sort his stuff, reiterating how I enjoy him, then didn’t hear anything and it bugged me more than I expected. I dropped a line to see if he’d be around tonight as I wondered if I’d left things too much on him in my last line and got a terse text back that he had plans. (Quite possible, re Mystic’s astute line here, that he sensed my muddled feelings about the whole thing when I messaged.)
It’s a tiresome, 21st century way for things to sputter out, but I feel like I’ve probably just got to leave things. In some ways I think I should be grateful for the brush off because it doesn’t leave me wondering. If he emerges from his lair / invites me in we’ll see–may have founded the Holy Uranian Order of Artistically Celibate Women by then, or run off with a fire sign. . . . Any MM coven advice welcome–and a wonderfully synchronistic post.
Urgh, I’m hesitant to give advice as I tend to look for/expect the good in people. Cancerians can be manipulative and controlling in very subtle ways. However, and this is something that I think few Cancerians admit to themselves (myself included!) our barricades are much thicker and stronger than we realise. While he may be experiencing a torrent of emotions and vulnerability, he may not be aware of how to either express this (being too caught up in living it) or that he is making it so hard for you to ‘reach’ him. My partner (Leo/Scorpio/Leo) recently told me that he had never met anyone as defensive as me, and he was a tad surprised to discover how soft and sweet I actually am. It did take time for me to open up – months. I think the only reason the relationship happened was his very pure insistence. If a Cancerian is going to let someone into the shell, they have got to *know* that person is worth it.
Big thanks for weighing in, FieryCrab—I think there’s a lot to this and probably will circle back and give it one last try after more time has elapsed to see if he’s feeling less barricaded and self-protective—though part of me thinks he may indeed be too far in his head and estranged from his own vulnerabilities etc. But super appreciate the empathetic read on the situation and all.
<3
This is so on point and this bit made me lol:
Cancerians will just settle in like it’s a siege and they’ve got enough grain stores, pentacles + mead for a century.
Cancer is strongly geared towards self preservation and to that end they’re very resourceful unless there are other negating influences (which means they have issues which are their issues). I wouldn’t advise making too many allowances for being ignored for anybody when it comes to intimate relationships. Also be careful Cellistina he’s not calling you each night to control you/ the relationship without committing/and or to preempt you calling him at night. Re feeling someone is ignoring you. If you keep wondering you can be sucked into a vortex of imaginings. The other grows to mythological proportions. Move on asap and attend to your own life is my take. Be careful of interpreting feeling ignored as “deep & meaningful connection”. Many men in these situations just string people on. It’s a comfort for them while they get on with the issues that really matter to them if they’re not actually psychic vampires intentionally. Apols to all the romantic peeps. Don’t make a rod for your back. Start as you intend to continue.
Wow lot’s of terrain to go over here…. My partner is a cancer sun/sagg rising/virgo moon and can attest to the fact that Mystic is 100% correct here. Specifically:
“Whatever you do, don’t attempt to out-space them.”.
Yup and yup. I’m a sagg sun/Leo rising and when we first started dating he was still living in the same house as his wife (but had slept in the basement for 5 years on the couch) and had a LOT to finalize. My own astrology speaks to why I continued to see him. That said, and in my experience; I’ve learned to just… show up. To not let him push me away and to be present in the moment.
He has gone through a lot of challenging issues, over the past several years, ,and needs his space from time to time to just figure out what it’s like to be a single dad, working and lunches and everything that involves…on his OWN post divorce/separation. He is like any man going through such things and just focuses on the moment and what has to be done (compartmentalizing), which has sometimes made me feel like he is somewhat absent or not engaged. That bit is on me. At the end of the day, when he is present in the moment I feel like the queen of the world. Literally.
But…. I’ve learned that my withdrawing / ruffled mane, when he goes through these phases does NOT help. He will literally cocoon himself and becomes comfortable with no one around and I know that is not fundamentally what he really wants. All people want space, but the drive for complete aloneness is NOT a cancer trait. I have dated enough aquarius men to know the difference between the two. I’ve learned to give AND take space as required, but that “aloneness” is not a tactic with these men and that even when he takes his physical space, he still phones me every night before I go to bed to chat and “check in” with me. From all of this I”ve learned that Out-spacing as a tactic when dating such a person will not work; they will simply not respond to that and will not pursue.
For anyone dating/involved with a cancer man I would suggest (in my very humble opinion) to just be present, to be real, to just love, to take your own space and have your own life, and to just LOVE. They’re so worth it in every single way.
Also; thanks to you mystic for all of your blog advice while I’ve been navigating these waters with him; they’ve been invaluable.
This is such a beautiful empathetic comment. So many people would sneer about the whole “still living in ex-wive’s house” etc. You’re lovely, long may you both be happy.
(I have the reverse placements sun virgo, moon cancer and I relate to a lot of this post along with the one on Virgo. Awesome work as always, MM)
So GOOD: “just be present, to be real, to just love, to take your own space and have your own life, and to just LOVE”.
You’ve added to the invaluable blog advice!