Relationship Astrology: Dating Your Planets

Your significant relationships extrapolate your natal birth chart patterns. Astrology doesn’t dictate your love life – you do. But your choices and the characters or situations you’re drawn to often reflect your astro.

Every planet in your birth chart is a relationship or rather, it can materialize as one. You encounter that archetype as a person. The less aware you are the specific energy within your psyche, the more likely you are to encounter it in others.

To radically simplify it, let’s look at the different styles of relationships you would be having if you were to date your planets.

The Sun Relationship

Meeting them makes you self-actualize rapidly. You fall back in love with your self. Or, with the person you could be. Their regard for you is like the electricity that powers your light. Possible Issue: The fuse blows out. One person plays flame to the other person’s hapless moth. The singed wings stink and who the fuq wants to be a moth anyway? Understanding projections like this gives you a huge in. The relationship astrology comes into it when you figure out what “flavor” of projection you’re trading in.

The Moon Relationship 

You feel nurtured, understood, and most of all, safe with them. There is an element of your childhood or teenage ideals constellated around this attraction. You quickly want to goo-goo and set up routines together. Possible Issue: Stifling familiarity. That the intimacy sours but you are still mutually enmeshed. Mortgage, co-parenting, shared debt. Fear that nobody else will love you shuffling around in your cow-print pajamas or appreciate your weird dietary habits.

The Mercury Relationship

You meet at a train station, a book shop or a library.  If you meet at a party, the conversation starts straight away and does not shut down. ‘Shared interests’ is the understatement of the century. The Mercury Relationship runs off interesting dialogue, ideas, mutual enthusiasms, gossip, and information. Everyone else bores you. They keep you cognitively switched ON.  Possible Issue: Sibling-like chemistry. Feelings parked in another suburb. Wi-Fi goes off.

The Venus Relationship

They are hot. They think you are hot. When they are around, you ARE hot. Sex Pheromones take over your entire organism. Socio-biologist textbooks could be written about your reinvention by pure lust. The very same endorphins that are powering your private parts fuel new interest in poetry, art, cinematic couples ‘like us,’ lingerie and matching body art. Possible Issue: Implosion when normality reasserts itself. The spell wears off. Someone gets a haircut or a bad back. You get to meet your could-be new in-laws.

The Mars Relationship

You meet on the job or at the gym. You’re officially rivals or competitive in some strange, not quite defined way. They are a catalyst, a motivator, a picker-upper of your morale. It can occur even if they don’t mean to be. Through them, you’re inspired to surf, play music, tone up, and make money at Warp Speed. You tell your shitty Ex never to darken your (salt-lined) doorstep again. Perhaps you get a black belt, do 100 push ups before bed every night, kick drugs, whatever.  Possible Issue: This is often a one purpose relationship, sent to get both your arses into gear. Once that’s occurred, goodbye Mars relationship. Or, too argumentative to sustain for long.

The Jupiter Relationship 

The gourmet, literary, traveled and often wealthy couple. You are both expanded by the Jupiter Relationship. It can be a Mentor/Muse relationship or Teacher/Student scenario. The generous publisher with their star author.  Amazing director-actor synergies. Co-business people. Jovial friendships. These are all Jupiter Relationship archetypes  Possible Issues: The money runs out. The arteries can’t handle the partying. You’re both such growth fiends but that only works when you’re advancing in the same direction. One person suddenly wants a more Moon-like intimacy, and the other wants to entertain that night, every night.

The Saturn Relationship

One day you realize that you can count your friendship/relationship with that person in actual damn decades. Give or take a few years when you’re non-speakers or not as connected, they’re woven into the very fabric of your life. Potential Issue: Living in the past or reinforcing one another’s stuckness. They know where you came from. The reminder may not always be pleasant or reassuring.

The Neptune Relationship 

Possibilities: You meet on the astral plane first. One of you is a ghost. It’s a classic Love Zombie scenario. It ends up a mess, but the creative-spiritual arousal was well worth it. It’s a soap opera, but you’re the star, director and writer.  Not only that, you’re funding the whole fuqing production, via debt, glitter, and magical thinking. Or, you meet out the back of a temple, with the scent of mint and memories of Babylon infusing the evening air. As always, life after life, your souls recognize one another. Potential Issue: That’s it’s not real. Or that you’re mixing up the lifetimes.

The Uranus Relationship 

It is between you and the Zeitgeist. You’re zooming, inventing, creating, and trying to evolve.  Just for kicks, you’re connecting straight into Source Vibe. Orgasms can be a drag on your Qi when there are other people involved. Not everyone understands that once you have enough orgones in your system, you need to do something with them. Now and then you meet other Uranians. They can be relied on to make contact, out of the blue, intensely and adoringly every third cycle of Black Moon Lilith. And then, satisfyingly, to take themselves off the scene just as swiftly. Uranus Relationships that do become fully fledged official pair bonds appear suddenly one morning, to the shock of the populace, like alien spaceships in a sci-fi. Potential Issue: Define “issue.”

The Pluto Relationship 

You meet at a morgue, in a brothel, at E.R., at a 12 Step meeting or touring a war zone. You’re in such total morph mode that you are allergic to anyone who seems ‘stuck.’ And compared to where you are at, everyone is ‘stuck’ these days. The Pluto Relationship runs off Radical Authenticity, and you are usually one another’s Reset Person. The sexual chemistry can be intense, but it’s merely a side-product of accelerated soul velocity. Strange fate lines bought you together. Strange fate lines could keep you apart. Potential Issue: Compulsivity, obsession, control-tripping, power surges.

Image: Nineties supermodel Cindy Crawford with her Saturn relationship partner, the actor Richard Gere. It fits: She has Mars-Saturn conjunct in Pisces and his Sun-Saturn in Virgo oppose her Mercury-Moon conjunction. Yes, Ms Crawford is a multiple conjunct Pisces: Sun, Moon, Mercury, Mars and Saturn.

Together from 1991 to 1995, they divorced – she said at the time – because she was too young. But, in classic Saturn fashion, she also explained that she learned a lot from him, including ‘how to be famous.’ She later married her Jupiter: triple Taurean Randy Gerber. His Jupiter is conjunct her Sun and Moon in Pisces.

76 thoughts on “Relationship Astrology: Dating Your Planets”

  1. What a great post! Missed this one. I feel i am in a sunny, moonie relationship though perhaps all the planets have shown their faces from time to time in our time together.
    I agree with Skarab. Actually I would love to see an art gallery showing with a photographer partnering this text with sublime photos. Inspirational!

  2. I am in the thick of a Uranus relationship, and and I have known my Venus relationship. I’m trying my damnedest not to run into her, again.

  3. I’m a female. If a male’s Mars is on your Venus, are you having a Venus-style relationship (a la list above) and he’s having a Mars style relationship or does it not work that way?

    1. sorry, that wasn’t v helpful actually
      I think it’s a mutual thing. Every guy I have been involved with even fleetingly , we’ve had a mutual astro aspect. e.g. triple aries double pisces. i was a venusian for him and I felt exactly as MM descrives it, and he probably felt kind of yummy around me and (my venus on his sun)

      1. Bada bing Pi! Yes I thought it was more of a mutual experience but obviously people are having different facets of the same experience which the different planets could part way explain.

  4. Had a Neptune sun pluto mind bender. Never to be forgotten. Insane glorious and never to be repeated. Now live sun mercury Uranus. Zing zing zing. Never a dull moment. Always always contain the sun !

    1. Ooooo then I consider the Neptune sun I had. Eek. Way too heady. Way too etheric. Way too no real. Now he really makes me angry damn him. That whole chapter. Never to be repeated either. Bleurgh.

  5. Crystallised future

    Chiron, we both have it at 18.33 degrees in Pisces and yet we were born about 9 months apart. Cathartic, healing, hot but oh my god can we push each other’s buttons the wrong way. We push each other away often and then I’m miserable without him. It’s so annoying. It’s like we have both lost our power over ourselves.

  6. Just read my comments from 10 varieties of infidelity. Must have still had a libido 5 years ago writing about lingerie i loved! (And still it is not being made).
    Had 4 ‘marriages’ before i turned 30 years old where i vowed never to live with a man again. Travelled the world instead, waaay more satisfying to the Sag soul able to sample many nationalities on route so to speak.
    My very first boyfriend, a Virgo, with whom i am still in touch with has turned 75 against all odds as just completed his 3rd heart operation, so he has a ‘broken heart’ according to Lou Lou Hayes. Going to Victoria in May to see him and it may that we spend the last years of our life together-apart
    now he’s a millionaire and can afford me :-).
    We separated when i was 21 due to his perchance of sleeping with others and me finding out. Like do whatever but don’t let me catch you was my thoughts at time. Strangely he could be the reason i never married (he didn’t either and neither of us had children) as message received:
    Men Cannot Be Faithful, so what’s the point of legal bindings.
    Now when people ask me why i never married and had sprogs, i just say ‘I forgot’.

    1. Exactly pegs, all those ltr’s just look to me like shitty power struggles or some sisyphean effort to have each other on the same page. Blurgh. It’s nice in theory but I just suspect that it is more like painting oneself into a corner.

  7. I saw not one but two ghosts of relationships past last night, one mr Uranus the other mr Pluto/Saturn. It felt like Astro Scrooge or something. Ok universe point taken I will incorporate those qualities again

  8. Love this! I’m in a Uranian / Plutonic one right now… My uranus is smack bang on his scorpio stellium (moon +mars + venus) and his pluto is smack bang on my imum coeli…
    He literally came over for a coffee and never left. No-one understands it!

  9. WOW, this post and the Ten Varieties of Astrological Fidelities, would have to be the funniest, wickedest & astro poignant of them all, Mystic. I just love them and can see them being turned into a fantastic movie of vignettes. Something like “Paris, je t’aime” each done by different directors, like Sophia Coppola, Almodovar, Jim Jarmusch, Isabel Coixet etc. It would be sensational.

  10. “The singed wings stink and who the fuq wants to be a moth anyway?” YOU are a damn poet sometimes!

  11. I really love how you’ve written this Mystic!

    I’ve realised that several of my more intimate and/or transformative relationships have shown up as outer-planet transits. For example, the Neptunian toro was the chiron+ Neptune transit over my Mars, which initiated me putting myself on the relationship-bench (i.e. retirement) for a very long time, and a deep-dive into my relating patterns.

    For him that was on his moon (he and I have a moon-mars conj, and also his Toro sun was on my jupiter-lilith conjunction. Lucky we both have Venus in Aries, hahahah)

    Lately as I’ve mentioned before a few times it seems to be about men ‘activating’ my Leo Saturn and/or Libran Pluto. It’s fair to say that given the generational planets, any Libran will likely hit my pluto, node and probably uranus in scorp, depending.

    So while librans are all about the equanimous balance harmony nice thing (look ok Vlad Putin is also a Libra so…), with this latest involuntary fascination / attraction / interaction jag of mine, it tips me into the rabbit hole AGAIN ery time arrrgh.

    And aries venusian relationships invariably throw Chiron in my face, but I’d like to think that with all my ‘personal work’ (LOL) lately, surely an evolved chironic type is due to surface? Like, a guy who has been through the fire, survived something, existentially and self aware, but not some drippy type who would wince if I swear like a sailor, (or is that just the venus Libran men … PI THAT IS MEAN )

    anyway, in conclusion, I miss scorpio men.

    1. clearly I have a long way to go in understanding libra. OMG, a new movie idea Understanding Libra .. like Educating Rita .. hahaha <3

      I have never seen that film, only heard of it, so I watched the trailer and in some ways her challenges or call-to-action are familiar territory to my inferiority complex(es). Maybe not so much the highbrow bit but the not fitting in / everyone must be laughing.
      honestly the only way I can make these connections is through an active writing / thought process when stirring will mix & let new things pop up. that's mutable pisces mercury I guess.
      this isn't the trailer but it's probably an example of Michael Caine (a pisces!!) the academic about to have a uranus transit in the form of Rita, and Rita answering the call to what sounds like a Jupiter transit <3

  12. Not touching this topic yet … ask me in two years when I’m not still stinging from all the lies, deceit, denial, outright thieving and fuming from the toxic reek of his family.

    1. You know if I was a naughty witch … I’d be tempted to cast a spell where the entire family lost ALL their money. HAHAHAHAHA and boy would all the denial then quickly melt into nuclear warfare. But that’s just me being vindictive.

      1. look him in the eye(?) and say this to him in your best fake-courtesy unsmiling southern drawl like a 90s B-movie, “I’ll pray for you.”

      2. I’ve looked him in the eye and said quite a few things … but “I’ll pray for you” wasn’t one of them. It’s just not a Sagg moon in the 7th kinda thang ya know?

      3. Yeah the parting gift was more along the lines of “F**K your mother because she’s the only idiot that will put up with you”

        I know.

        So indiscreet. So not mint julip and tactful.

        But DAMN did it feel good.

        *evil emoticon I can’t be bothered to look for*

      4. It’s just not very Sagittarius Moon to invite such blowback. This happens to Sag type more than a Scorp type could countenance, We have instant karma, sometimes for even thinking that shit, if we don’t release it! Tho i kno you’re chiming in with Prowlers Backup Vibes x

      5. Yeah but being a Cancer Sun/Venus I’d feel all guilty … because it would actually work. I’ve done dark spells out of anger in my youth and to my astonishment they’ve worked. Spell casting out of vengeance, no matter how justified always ends up feeling terrible.

      6. You’re right Millie … Sag types have instant “ouch” I did the wrong thing. And being a Cancer it’s like I’ve wounded the freakin soul of the universe ..

        I’m just venting. I’d never do such a silly thing.

      1. Yuhhhh … I was in a Venutian/Neptunian fugue. And we had the napalm sex venus/mars combo.

        Most. Annoying.

  13. I’ve had fun with the Sun! It burned bright and brief; it felt light, warm and open. His Sun was on my Leo ascendant and my Sun on his Venus.

  14. Welp, with a Pisces Moon and Mars, I’ve had mostly Neptunian relationships, regrettably… culminating in the very last/never again one a few years ago where we had an exact Mars/Venus conjunction — he with Venus in Pisces. NEVER-the-fuq-again!!! LZ-ness has finally been burned out of me!

    I guess the Universe heard me because right now I’m having a Uranian / Saturnine relationship, which sounds like it could not be fun, but it actually is. It is so NOT Neptunian, and that is so refreshing! It’s very new, just a couple months now, and I’m finding myself automatically trying to navigate it as if it’s like the old pattern of Neptunian relationships I’ve had, but it’s not and I’m trying to get up to speed for what it is…. very interesting….
    We have a Sun/Moon conjunction in Aqua, too, so there is a feeling of friendship there, which feels nice. The glaring ‘unconventional’ feature is the age difference, we are a full Saturn cycle apart, but there are other unique things about our connection, as well. Strange coincidence — we were doing our charts and found out we are both born at the exact same time of day — 2:23PM. Weird..

      1. Yep, his Saturn is at 4 Aries and mine at 8 Aries.

        I forgot to say, in terms of being a Uranian connection, his Uranus is within a few degrees of my Sun and mine within a few of his Sun.

      2. Ah, thanks. I have two sons, one whose saturn semisquares mine and the other is a 5 degree conjunct, there just seems to be an overall sense of ease with my younger son, the older with the semisquare, we’ve really struggled to relate at times. Saturn does seem so important. There’s another person I know who is a saturn cycle from me and we also have our jupiters exactly opposite each other there is something distinctly sympathetic there. Thanks for talking about your relationship, flowerchild.

      3. Ah, interesting, I was just wondering about that today….like, if I had had a child when I was 28/29, we would have the same Saturn and wondered what that would have been like….thanks for sharing your experience, too!

  15. MAAAARS!

    Holy Sh*t that was one painful, confusing, invigorating, war-like interaction
    I have Mars in Sagittarius, 12th house, conjunct my Capricorn Ascendant, Uranus and Saturn.
    I could barely look at this guy, lost all my words, yet found myself helplessly staring with all my other senses. The major trip was the weird perception of looking at him, but feeling like I was looking at myself…from behind myself?
    Ugh. He was definitely a major catalyst. Since then I’ve stopped drinking, doing drugs, became a yoga teacher, entered into long term modes of therapy (see, making therapy a part of my lifestyle and not just an ‘in-and-out tire rotation’ fix.)
    Trouble is, I still find myself ‘pining’ for him at times, but have a feeling that its really my pining for my own inner marriage.

  16. I feel like I am currently working out a relationship that is a combo of Venus/Mars/Pluto, it is confusing, combative + extremely hot LOL

    It’s like this relationship wants to purify me + take me to a new level of being, I just don’t know how to work with this energy in it’s highest form yet. So I’m studying it, letting it shape me – the Venusian voodoo is off the hook tho.

    For reference, this relationship appeared just after the Leo eclipse in August, which landed right on my Leo ascendent. Zing!!!

  17. This makes me sad – my partner was adopted and has no recorded birth time. He is Virgo (17 Sept) and that’s that. BUT I do think he might have planets in Aquarius given his interests and behaviour……
    Have thought of “asking Mystic” about how to suss this sort of thing out given no data – or – submit two photos and let you commenters have a go at it 🙂

    1. O yes Miss Dee! we’ve got the year (he’s an oldie, 1953) and actual location (Colchester Essex) so that’s something

      Mystic, I’ve spent the last hour googling “rectification” and it’s fascinating – of course there are apps and softwares galore – but if there is a proper professional out there that you or any readers can recommend I am open to learning more about this – thanks for the tip

  18. Great post. My last relationship was all that. I have a taurus stellum, ( mars/ Venus conjunct, Chiron, Mercury and sun, his moon is with all these, he has a scorpio stellum, sun, Venus, and Neptune, and my Uranus is conjunct those. Furthermore my Saturn is conjunct his Pluto and Uranus. And it has really been all of this! Particularly the Uranus and Neptune stuff..and the stink of my moth wings 😉

  19. This is such an interesting topic! I could study these connections for hours!! I’m currently involved with a guy and although I could list a number of possible planetary relationships, I actually think out main connection is our mutual mercury square Uranus in our own individual charts. We also have mercury conjunct Uranus in the composite, and that is also conjunct the composite sun and Saturn. We have such a great mental rapport. We can talk about absolutely anything under the sun and we tend to laugh about how inappropriate and dark some of the topics are!! When we talk on the phone etc it feels like we’re made for each other. However I notice how in person things don’t feel quite as amazing as they do when we chat online or on the phone. Anyway, my two cents…

  20. My husband has a Toro sun which is same as my Toro moon.. His moon in Pisces is my South Node as well as Midheaven. My Ascendant Gemini is his North Node as well as his Mercury. Our relationship is definitely Moon. We both have soft 12th house moons and are extremely private people. Both of us have difficult relationships with our mothers but we take care of each other and our multiple animals and plants.

    The moment we met (25 years ago) there was an instant connection/recognition. We knew we’d been together in some forgotten past life.

  21. I’m having a lillith relationship! We have a very sweet relationship, so I’m not too sure how it fits lillith vibes. Then again, my lillith is in cancer.

  22. Oh this is great! I can recognise a lot of my relationships in this list.
    My marriage was defo a Mercury relationship. He had a loaded Cap third house – Sun-Saturn-Jupe-Merc conj – plus a Gemini moon. We had a wonderful cerebral relationship – we were like great friends (and should have stayed that way). His SN was on my 7th house Pisces sun-Saturn-Merc and we felt at home from the beginning. I wondered if we had been siblings in a previous life, which is interesting, because I don’t really ‘believe in’ past lives.
    The Neptunian Cap was a Merc relationship but he was also Sun, Venus, Pluto, Neptune, et al. The Triple Toro is my moon relationship. In fact I can’t believe he doesn’t have cow-pyjamas. I might buy him some for the winter.

    1. Make sure there’s a lot of silk in those pyjamas. Or get to know your own (and his) sensual consequences.

  23. Woah! My relationship with my boss is such a Jupiter archetype!

    Jupiter has just been passing over my natal J which is conjunct sun and midheaven – on cue have got a rad new promotion where i’m so much more visible (super witchy too workplace too- midheaven/sun/Venus/Jupiter conjunct in via combusta)..

    I’ve worked for this person for years but not had much personal contact with him, he’s a bit of an eccentric genius which i love! (this is totally platonic no sexual undertones)
    we’ve had great mind expanding chats about plants and the nervous system.. might be a bit of Uranus in Taurus there too (i’m an aqua rising)..

    He’s gifted me amazing learning opportunities – paying for me to do a course to help with my role and has been wonderfully open in sharing really amazing information with me – that lots of people would pay alot of money for (He’s a well known educator in the natural therapies world). Seriously blown my mind thanks mystic!

  24. My long term partner and I have an interesting synastry chart. His sun aspects my chiron and north node in 7th house. Our little son has his chiron, jupiter and neptune directly aspecting my sun and his sun directly aspecting my asc pluto. My partner and I also have and a moon saturn synastry. Then our son and father have a north node sun synargy in the first. I would say there is something fated and healing in our household. We can all get very serious but somehow we are all just healed by each others presence. My partner and I met because I helped him heal from injuries and we now run healing businesses together. I suspect we are a family of chiron, north node and saturn relationships

  25. I had a Mercury relationship that flitted in and out of my life for a few years — still might be ongoing, but it never turned romantic due to lack of synchronicity. We met at a party and he was the only person who knew Allen Ginsberg’s poetry, which I was writing a thesis on at the time. We started talking and every time we saw each other had SO MUCH to say. We’re both musicians and met up a few times to collaborate, but ended up discussing everything so much and focusing on minute details, we never really got much done.

    Definitely had a moon relationship, and a Neptunian one with a Pisces — someone I felt like I dreamed up, we had a forbidden kismet hookup at a party, he texted me lyrics of his favourite songs and then disappeared to another continent after kissing me in the rain.

  26. By planet relationship, you mean someone that has the sun sign of that planet?
    Like for me the SUN relationship would be with a Gemini (I am Gemini), the Moon relationship would be the Taurus (and yes my relationship with my ex was exactly like u said, expecially the end of it).

    1. I think you can calibrate the charts of both people together, like if his Sun was strongly aspecting some planet or part of chart, or if your Mars and his Mars, or Venus or whichever was aspected together.

      Looking only at which Signs go together by your planet could play out in any kind of relationship. So even if you thought your Sun could not possibly get on with a Leo or a Sag, just as two examples, you’d find the whole chart aspects with someone else holds a more profound interest.

      Synastry charts help, if you want to delve into your past relationships. Best of course if you’re well over them, and are just looking for how the relationship played at the time, and for the times. I like to use them to examine strange energies in current relationships, rather than tripping down a rabbit hole of the past (and have generally deleted past partners’ birth details along with everything else 🙂 ). Astrodienst offers the Synastry option in the Chart Type drop down.

      1. I know about sinastries but I was just wondering what defines a Sun or Moon relationship. It is very unclear to me 🙂

      2. Does the other person have a planet aspecting your Sun or Moon? Or vice versa? Sun is the first planet of the Self, Moon is the Second, Rising is the Third. So aspects to these make that relationship pattern.

        Maybe start with that. For some people, another planetary aspect is a strong one in their chart, like for me Mars is strong.

        So you would look at anything in their chart that makes a strong aspect to your Sun, or Moon, or other strong thing. And you can look at how your chart does the same to theirs.

        It may be a Sun realtionship for one person, but a Pluto relationship for the other, for example. Or it may be relationship that impacts one person’s planet, but not so much the other person.

      3. No it is more that at some point you will have a relationship that embodies every point in your chart or just keep doing one over and over…Planets turn up as people unless you’re super integrating them

      4. oooo I get it. I’ve only had I using all my theme. All the others were Sun / Venus (very memorable but volatile) and Moon (my ex hub).

      5. Like I have Venus/mars/Eris in 10th so I fall for men I work with and we are competitive with eachother?

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