Dreaming Of Ex-Lovers

What does it mean when an ex-lover suddenly starts to star in your dreams for no apparent reason? You don’t want to be with them and you’d scream the house down if you woke up with them or time-warped back to that era- so what is going on?

Is it that while you’re over that relationship, your subliminal mind is not? Or are you and this person still together in the astral realm?

You’ve moved on. You rebuilt your life and you’re confident that the romance was not meant to last longer. In some cases, it soured and no amount of saccharine gambits could sweeten it again. Or, you out-grew them and realized that to stay, you would need to bonsai yourself into a stunted sad shape of your potential.

In some cases, it was worse. You lost them un-naturally, while still in love. Or, it was traumatic and they were abusive. You crawled out of that wreckage, like a Plutonic mercenary, vowing never again.

Dreaming of ex-lovers makes sense when you still love them or actively seek them back. If that’s the case, a simple Saturn-style action plan or some therapy can help you to assess the terrain. It’s cognitive. You either reunite or you comprehensively put this behind you. But when you don’t want to be in that relationship again and you are still having those dreams, it’s time for astral action.

You may have a Shadow Self trapped somewhere in the basement of your psyche. That self is still fighting a war that’s over. They’re on a psychic loop, proving something to a phantom.

Recognizing and reintegrating that self is the realm of shamans. Focusing on this mission when the Moon is conjunct your natal Neptune (delineated each month in your Daily Horoscopes) is highly effective: keep a dream diary, connect with your guides or different dimensions of yourself via a meditation like the Sirius Mp3, pay extra attention to auric hygiene and attempt to logically figure out where this other person is at re you.

By ‘logically’ – I mean ‘magically’ or intuitively but with your own desires kept out of the quest. It’s possible that this ex of yours is still not over you so their astral self is visiting you. The less they’ve dealt with the break-up consciously, the more likely they are to have uncompleted psychic energy swirling about the place.

If so and assuming you distinctly do not want to reunite with this person, consider whether you’ve got items in the house that act as touchstones for your ex’s astral self and if so, remove them.

If you have a child together, you’re connected for good but affirming their role as co-parent/parent of…(your child/children) rather than your ‘ex’ is often helpful. Whenever you speak about them, refer to them as the “X’s father” or “my children’s mother” to distinguish the roles and draw an invisible line.

Dream-wise, set an intent to be aware during any dream that requires it and – in this case – to bid farewell to the phantom of your former lover. Or, if you’re up for it, to ask what they want. You are not a passive participant in this process – dream lives matter!

Finally, you could also be dreaming of ex-lovers at times when you’re not certain about your present or future. It’s not so much that you want the person back or to complete an unfinished conversation, it’s harking back to an era when you thought you had things more sorted out.

It was a more certain time, even if you were discontent. And, if you’re currently single, it could be that though you don’t want to be in that relationship again, your psyche is saying you’re ready to share more with another person.

Keeping a dream diary will help you understand these vagaries, even if the dream notes do not make sense at the time. In fact, dream fragments can sound deranged but miraculously, when you read over them later, the narrative is entirely clear.


101 thoughts on “Dreaming Of Ex-Lovers”

  1. Unable to fall asleep for the last week or so. Seriously sleep deprived.

    Have had loads of chats with my girlfriends and I realise I have a beautiful tribe around me. Ever so grateful for their advice when I’ve run into them with my EX problems a thousand times. And for you all here who have guided me and made me see sense. They never change is my new mantra. Yes, the sagg new moon which is also my natal moon helped open a new emotional chapter as was suggested. I’m not mopey over him and don’t ever want to go back there again. Not after he called me a slut, accused me of cheating and a liar when his own research skills are so poor and to blame. My friends laughed at this saying out of anyone through our high school days or now at Oxford….you are the last girl to cross anyones mind to be called a slut. Nice to know that people think of me well!

    It’s high time I learn to respect myself and start to have red lines that no one can cross. I have tolerated so much from this man! Last night when I felt that maybe he was right in accusing me if being argumentative – a trait he hates….i read back on our chat convos and realised that if asserting healthy boundries and standing up for myself is argumentative then he needs to recheck what the word means.

    All in all, I can leave this experience behind me in 2013 and concentrate for the next 6 months on graduating with a good degree. Make my dream come true just the way I wanted. I can still learn lessons and change ny behaviour and ways I relate to people – watch out for red flags and trust my instincts more. A part of me will always miss him – but i wonder what “him” am i really missing? The one with the mask on or off? I am hoping the April zap zone astro won’t bring him up again – he came to teach me the lessons I hadn’t learnt the first time and I’m sick of it now.

    Congratulations to me for deciding to end it and move on!
    Welldone to me for being kind, thoughtful and oatient in our last argument when I could have behaved like him. (Sorry I need to boost my self esteem right now…)

    Thank you all!

  2. Lux Interior is My Co-Pilot

    HOLY GODDESS!!! That thing about something magical in the dailies for Pisces getting going that started in 2012>>>??? BAng on the buck MM, BANG-ON. Woah. so exciting.

  3. Scorporation, Inc.

    I’ve slayed many foes over this past week. Today I have an appt with an old Pisces sun friend– or rather, an invite– to play offense against a host of her own enemies. A little weary, but sword drawn: I rather enjoy fighting alongside a friend.

    Neptune won’t hit my 1st house till 6* Pisces, but I feel him washing up the front steps. Mars into Libra: my 7th/12th house, where natal Pluto-Moon live. Psyche armed to the teeth, mojo rising with the vibe.

      1. i may have a bias but i think they are sensational – like a natural neural high – like drugs but really pure and good for you. Trying them again tonight to see how dreams affected THIS evening.

      2. Yeah. wow. no they are good Mystic, you know I would give my honest sagg moon take but the whole thing feels clever. Dreams were not only cinematic in quality of vividness but I went a little astral, I am very sensitive/open right now so I’m particularly susceptible right now but I’ve been feeling walking dream state most of this morning only coming down after coffee and some traffic.

        I’m going to have to amp the house witch to 11 so I can drop into this. Well done to you and the beats guru , looking forward to Pluto power cleanse beats πŸ˜‰ xx

    1. I’m curious. Sneaky send pre finish. I’ve met some terrible hypnotists. I will look into that also thanks. Pretty open within reason

  4. Lux Interior is My Co Pilot

    Lots of weird omens and dream omens. I’m basically “moving my troops under cover of darkness” and being all blithe and hippy on the outside. Time, time, time. Strategy.

    1. Thanks, I am trailing it. Yes I can see Gala getting into it. Well she’s not doing to badly. Thanks for the demo. Will reserve thoughts until a month I think


  5. Can you tell us how things are? I’ve thought about you daily and obviously things are continuing on a pace. I’m so interested to hear you say this is what you have always felt was coming. I really get that. So many folk moan at me and say no no you’ve made it this way but personally I’ve followed Portmas and her deeper secret. Love and light to you durning your free fall

      1. I totally will try to explain when I return from class. Thank you so much for the love and light! Xxxx

      2. HDQ I was wondering how things were going for you and yours. Your description of your experiences right now – fwiw I utterly relate (I am seeing through the lens of my own experience of a loved one in hospital, hope am not misreading your words). you already know – all you can do is surrender to and be totally within the present moment. That’s all there is. Big love. xx

      3. I’m so sorry that it’s taken me so long to respond. Thursday afternoon the tests came in – not good. Significant anoxic brain damage. They think there’s a good chance he won’t ever wake up. I’ve pretty much lost it ever since. Wailing or wasted or both. Hands down, this has been the worst week of my life. And he’s everywhere. Every song is a message from him, every post a clue. Shamanic? For sure. I’m going to the underworld for him and I hope to come back. Today mars is on our Pluto- Ceres conjunction. Ceres was on my Pluto when it happened, and the sun on his Ceres. Chiron on my persephone. It SNOWED today.

      4. Yes, and surrender, totally. It’s funny, one one level it’s just his skin suit, and I feel his glowing ball of light holding mine, saying, it’s ok, my love, it’s all a video game anyway. But godDAMN I love that skin suit!! I think it’s worse because I’m still not even there- I can’t leave for another week still and it’s so utterly ridiculous. Finals, seriously? Getting the braces off, what I’ve looked forward to for two years now… torture. Surrender and trust and be in the now. Thank you for the big love. Xxxxx

      5. I was wondering too. There really aren’t any words except prayers for all of you. So sorry & sending more hugs. Xx

  6. Time isn’t running – time has stopped. It’s all become a big whirlpool in the stream. I have never felt so without a boat or even an oar. It’s just me and the river and all I can do is surrender. This is not as I’d envisioned my SN transit, but ha, here it is. How many planes can one experience at one time without going mad? Am I going mad (probably). Neptunian. Chain smoking bowls, drinking wine like it’ll do something. Midnight bundles at the crossroads. Rambling aimlessly. Caught up in Orpheus and Eurydice, Ceres, Pluto, and Persephone. Spooky beyond. Pic is me at the gate. Astro- resonance is sickening. What I’ve felt coming for years is here. Ugh

    1. 12th house virgo

      FWIW – I had a hard time of my SN transit – in my case it was Jupiter on my SN and I have Jupiter square Mercury in my Mercury ruled chart so Jupiter on my SN in Gemini was like Mercury overload times 1000. Very disorienting. Not sure what your SN transit is, but consider it may be like emptying a trashcan, maybe chaos if it isn’t bagged up all nicely and it likely won’t be, but clears room for the unknown to come. Take comfort in the whirl because its an omen of lasting change.

      1. Very much Agree that it is an omen of lasting change, 12HV.

        HDQ your words are so evocative. I have travelled that path of Orpheus and Eurydice, have been Persephone. I became able to feel comfortable and soothed by the dark. This was many years ago, and now standing fully in the light.
        In your case I feel like there is a Shamanic aspect to this, and it doesn’t come without intense pain

      2. It is like emptying a trash can, and it’s only just begun. Transiting SN is on my Venus now, with mars and Chiron a degree away and the moon 2. I feel like by the time it’s over I’ll be an empty shell. It’s all getting sextiled by Neptune (as my ruler mercury gets squared- kind of a perfect storm) so it’s ultra surreal. And painful. Yes, the most intense and enveloping pain ever. Thank you for your wisdom, both of you, that walk through the darkness must be taken, and it will probably change me forever. I can’t really think of personal growth right now, but I know you’re right. Xxxxxxx

  7. 12th house virgo

    My whole life has changed since end of September. I’m still working on getting my new name on all official documents and suddenly I have this new cat, dog, and man living in my house new house that is still under construction. Yesterday, Pisces came home and I said “who are you and how did you get in my house” as a half-joke and then at night in bed he said “Good night. I love you. Don’t worry – we will get to know each other.” LOL! Strange times…as if time is running backwards and leaping forward.

  8. Can some peeps help with this dream interp? I’m in a large ranch in south Africa and responsible for a few kids. Some menacing men arrive and take over and i realise they want to set the place up as brothel. Im trying to stay calm and not let anyone know whats happening. Out of nowhere a lion roars at me.

    1. My gut 2 second take:
      Lion is (1) roaring to both telegraph the danger and more importantly remind you of your own inner ferocity and strategising capacities – to be king of your own jungle; and (2) Lion is telling you that staying silent isn’t going to work – ie that if you communicate with the kids (your inner child/ren??) to enlist them to work together with your adult self to outwit the men, you (adult you and little inner you’s you want to protect) will survive in the jungle….
      God, I’ve had some doozy dreams lately, too.

      1. gut 10 second take:
        what is that wonderful tarot card? fortitude/strenth? where the girl is opening the jaws of a great lion or something? i used to get it a lot….here, I am sure that the Lion has arrived as an ally to help you scare away (or eat!!) the men….you’d be in deeper shit if it was a lioness stalking you, and SHE’D do it silently, before she pounced, since it is her who hunts for the food. A roar says our Lion king sees the men as intruders too, and is trying scare them away (they can hear him too, right?).
        Anyway, that’s what my Year of the Tiger and Mars in Leo credentials take from it!

    2. I’ve had dreams similar to this – do you work with kids? I used to and would have dreams of being in charge of many kids, but things would go wrong. It seems to be about responsibility (over kids, or something else) then losing control, like a fear you won’t be able to do your job. A very stressful dream. I have recently read that when you dream of bad men it can actually be a different part of yourself that you’re afraid of. Maybe look into that.

      No idea about the lion but you are a Leo right? A call to action from your animal…

    3. Thanks If and VK. Really appreciate it.

      Don’t work with children but inner child and adult rings true as well as being afraid of speaking out. Have 2 friends pass agging me at the mo. I’m trying to comm with them but they are in shutdown and I feel like I’m not doing it right. guilty for seeming demanding when I’m not.
      The brothel aspect could be issues i have around sex. mmmm

  9. I check in and read here quite a bit. Don’t post a lot. But,….this pic really got me. One dear friend told me “You are a Champion and a Warrior.” People in my life see me that way which baffles me a bit. (I just want to be the loving Leo and throw a party for all of my friends) Maybe that is typical Leo Sun Scorp Rising.

    I might feel like this pic, but definitely more battle weary. Those close to me never see the weary. Only the warrior. I have been so busy and truly weary doing my Saturn. The growth, especially professionally, has been out of the park. I was taking stock as to where I was two years ago. One year ago. (and a little over a year ago when Saturn hit Scorpio!!) I have re-read my The Scorping ‘Scope. Hard work, but thank goodness I have a Cap moon or I might be off my rocker!

    Thank you Mystic for the posts, daily emails, and your subscriber scopes! AND of course the Oracle. I just keep remining myself that I am doing serious Saturn right now and have been using “Don’t complain, Don’t explain” as my mantra. I do NOT think I’d be remotely sane with out you. And I’d definitely be drinking more.

  10. So crazy crazy crazy. Uranus is conjunct my mercury and all of a sudden my body actually feels like it’s buzzing, I have a crush on a Uranian, I’m having lightbulb moments and psychedelic creative ideas everywhere and anywhere, I can’t fricken sleep which is actually very frustrating, I love my job and I’m about to move into a beautiful cottage which will give me the peace I need to be … Properly Uranian! Anyway, this is all most unusual for this usually earthy/fiery Venusian toro. Help? But don’t let it stop!

  11. Domestic Triffid

    Its all completely bug-fuck. Am in a total state of flux, with nothing to do but declutter until mid-January, at which point we will either move or renovate.

    My money’s on moving…. My art stuff is really taking off, and we’d be moving into a much “artier” area, among other things.

  12. I’ve had such a weird and sucky week, maybe this next lot of astro weirding is just what I need to straighten shit out.

    Definitely looking forward to the Neptune beats.

    1. Luckily i have 2 moods. Flat & Active.
      Full on or Stop.
      Thankfully, Alien, weird & sucky do not apply.
      It ill be alright on the night. I promise with all of my Sagg luck, in fact here is a pocket full.

      1. Thanks Pegs, this dreary little corpse tied with a brick at the bottom of the sea can always do with some Sagg luck! x

    2. and yes, it’s been a weird week. I can’t type it out but I decided to get completely magical on it’s ass because I’ve totally had enough now. I’ve got some ball aching transits next year so I have to get even more stealth. By 2015 I will be a machine. Sending tea and hugs x

      1. Thanks Doll! I got fed the fuq up and went magical on some shit too…

        Week is getting less weird and sucky, thank fuqing fuq.

        If I had insane amounts of cash right now, I’d so be in London, sitting on your mattress unpacking my latex! Could deffo go a change of scenery right now! Meowsa x

  13. I’m heading towards a whole bunch of conjunctions to my natal chart in the next few weeks – it’s kinda crazy… Saggi Sun and Mercury, Venus in Capricorn, Saturn in Scorpio. Hoping it continues the good omens. I’m feeling prepped to break through to some higher spiritual ground now that I’ve found some solid footing in my everyday life and equilibrium.

      1. Hehe, that is so funny and cool, Nightrose! What part of the world are you in if you don’t mind me asking?

        Good luck with everything as well! Here’s to a stellar end to 2013 πŸ˜€ xx

    1. Nightrose, similar astro.
      Sun & Merc in Sagg, Venus in Cap.
      A Maven Version of you…lol?
      Shall i tell you from my 360 degree vantage point what to avoid?
      It took courage to do some of the things i wish i hadn’t πŸ™‚

      1. That was for Saggibee! Altho’ Nightrose is Sagg Sun/Merc.
        Have Saturn Pluto & Mars in 8th house.
        Do think about death a lot & how it should be banned.
        Aslo think about my lost inheritance a LOT.
        These are interesting times for ‘our’ astro, i’m working it but only when the sun is out and it’s above 22 degrees celcius.
        It’s a fun time of year. I insist. Hang out the fairy lights. set out the candles. End of story.

      2. That is awesome Pegs, there’s a bit of an astro coven happening here!

        Yes, please to tell more Pegs! That’s quite a loaded eighth house – I can see why you’d be mulling over those issues of sustenance/legacy/existence. My eighth house is empty, but it’s in Pisces. I think about death a lot more than I should!

        How do you find your Venus in Cap placement?

  14. Still re-inventing myself. Investing in myself to create an income.
    Dividing what are necessities and what are luxuries into ME:BIZ.
    Advertising 50% of gross, that’s gross. Maybe draw up flyers, brochures,biz cards and sky writing πŸ™‚

      1. Thanx Darling Pi & Cosmic.
        Not an easy time to be self-employed-cottage ‘industry’, it’s about generating your own work and balancing creativity & what your bottom ln is in fees instead of a set pay packet weekly/monthly. My husband, the Government, gives me an allowance just for being an senior & doesn’t ask i cook him.

        Requires genius budgeting & a bit of alchemy, speaking of which, Taurean Alchemist has been saying for 24 months
        ‘i’ll do you a website’.
        Think i’ll agree to that generous offer after all. Clients are dribbling in………:-)But want to be full-on busy in demand, name in lights.
        Vibing abundance for us ALL.

      2. With you in striving for my own business model Pegs not someone elses. hard yakka tthough but great to keep up my own motivation. Be my own guru. december not good month as everybody is winding down and putting off spending any Biz dollars So plan is learn how to build a website and get my promotional shizz together,

  15. Prowlin, how very Zen of you. Life’s too too interesting & exciting to
    droop over Cap Man’s ego.
    Your de-tach will drive him bonkers, as that’s HIS game.
    And a ‘game’ it is until he gets real, or really gets it πŸ™‚

    He’ll want sex in 10 days . hahahaha.

  16. Strange astro weirding is fuqing right … it’s all over with Mr Cap. *yawn* He did one of his dreary emotional detach things and I just couldn’t be fuqing arsed with it. So I kinda torpedoed it with some brute Saggy moon truth serum. Obviously his Scorp moon didn’t take it too well – it’s all my fault apparently! Yeah whatevs …

    Can’t be bothered moping. Really I can’t. At least I got a good couch and a vege garden out of the deal. The plan for the next 8 weeks is get insanely fit, financial and flirt my effin arse off. πŸ˜€

    Hallelujah Mars in my 5th house!!!!

    1. That sucks! I love your attitude though, I’d rather kick arse than mope under such circumstances too. But I want his number, I could use a vegie garden bitch…

      1. I know, right?! I am mentally storing Prowln’s approach in the back of my mind if I should need it in the future!

      1. LOL. I’m a Scorp with a Cap rising. Tell me about it!!! πŸ™„

        At least I have a Saggo moon to lighten things up every now and then. πŸ™‚

      2. Ha! In my experience, with the people I know, a dose of Sag can lift a whole boatload of heavy. Seriously, it’s the most uplifting energy. So yeah, lucky you!

        And I certainly don’t mean to disparage anyone with these aspects. Hell, I’ve got a Scorpio moon myself. But that combo- Cap and Scorpio- I think of a brick tied to a corpse to make it sink to the bottom of the sea.

      3. Haha… you’re hilarious!! πŸ˜€ Perfect analogy.

        Sometimes though my Saggo moon struggles under the weight of Scorp/Cap combo though. No stopping the horse once it’s bolted πŸ™‚ .

      4. Sounds like the reverse of my arrangement: Scorpio moon weighing down the Aries sun/Leo rising.

        Actually, it’s a good thing though. I think I’d be rather flighty without it.

  17. Awesome! Thanks MM!

    I’ve been having dreams about pumpkins, not a lot just a couple of pumpkins sitting in the corners of my dreams.

      1. Thanks Saggibee! I enjoy writing, perhaps it’s the Gemmy Sun, Moon & Venus in 3rd House πŸ™‚

    1. cute

      my housemates made a pumpkin head for halloween and it\s rotting out the back now in the garden but I can see it in my window. I wonder what the bugs think

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