The Sun Signs As Space Tourists

So…it looks like some of the Sun Signs will be going to space soon, as tourists! Read on to discover the hypothetical reactions of each zodiac sign to this momentous news.

Cancer: Pictures the Moon, ethereal and glowing in the galaxy – thinks about selenite, space angels, stargates and soft gentle lunar winds…Then jump-cuts to food frozen in plastic and the possibility of canned air tube showers. Runs through montage of spooky space horror films in their mind. Now has Space Phobia.

Sagittarius:  Knocks over their popcorn and drops the phone fumbling to google ticket prices. Launches Kickstarter appeal. Wonders whether ‘air miles’ would become ‘light year’ credits. Volunteers to help colonize the Moon but then cancels as remembers they got festival tickets.

Leo: Imagines themselves gliding around the space station, in a Courreges space suit or like Rheya Kelvin in Solaris. Being a Space Influencer. A Muse For Astronauts. Smiles with pleasure at the thought and creates an extraordinarily chic space soundtrack playlist for the journey before remembering they get motion sickness on fairground rides.

Pisces: Tells everyone that they’re not going to be a Space Tourist but a Space Nomad, that it is their calling. Pictures themselves on the lilac-lit luxury Space Station deck, chatting to an intergalactic dissident religious leader in their robes. Or warming their hands at the rose quartz ringed fire pit, gazing out through the floor-to-ceiling panoramic windows at the vastness of space. The passing Star Fleet ship looks so romantic, like a pirate boat. It’s great how you can just snap your fingers in space and be floating in zero gravity. Was Event Horizon a documentary or a dream they had?

Gemini: Wonders about the internet connection. It would be via satellites and so super-fast, obviously…right? I mean, it would have to be an extremely robust connection and a billion GB a millisecond. Presumably you could do a podcast AND pick up on extra-terrestial intelligence messages, while also, you know, keeping in touch. What if it dropped out? Or did they expect you to just be offline and soak up the space vibes? Is over it already.

Taurus: Hell no. Presses feet more firmly into the ground and inhales yogically, savoring the faint fragrance of tarragon and acacia blossom on the breeze. Breathes, hands in a prayer gesture of gratitude. Thinks about dinner and roast potatoes.

Aquarius: Remembers that they were going to cost cloaking technology for their house. Is there an app to see how many satellites could technically zoom in on you? Looks for a forum to vent dissatisfaction and concerns with the commercialization of space. Was nothing sacred? And, why the fuq mess around with s**t like this with the actual health of the planet at stake? Decides it is yet another version of circuses and bread for the masses.

Aries: Wonders if they can get their own space station up and running; a competing bed and breakfast in the same orbit but obviously superior. Looks up astronaut training courses. Space Tourism? Pfft.

Virgo: Worries about whether the provisioning is done right and the ratio of oxygen in the air. Would there be proper hospitality staff? And private bedrooms? Begins research project on the sleeping arrangements of Space Stations and what happens to the waste material from it. And, was this the Space Station shared with other nations? If there was a diplomatic incident on Earth but you were on a Space Station shared by the countries involved, what were the legals around that? And what was the back-up for if it ran out of toilet paper? If the trip was being filmed or used in promotions, were you signed up as talent or as a guest with media rights waived? Where was Haileys Comet right now? Would tinnitus be better or worse on a Space Station? God, were there E.M.F.s? Could it go through a wormhole or was that Outer Space?  Search Concept: Gravity effects on digestion. Also…telomeres. Could a decrepit space satellite part fall on you? Opens tenth browser tab.

Libra: Shudders and reaches out their hand to touch the sofa, cat, silk, skin. Feels sorry for astronauts and Space Tourists without fluffy bathrobes or the ability to attain bliss via simple luxuries. Also, who ‘owns’ space? The legal ramifications and security implications are mind-boggling enough to make it a hot topic to follow from the ground. Applies cedar-scented Sweet Almond oil hand cream and sends an intriguing, strange message to the person who had a crush on them in 2015.

Scorpio: Assumes that it’s a gimmick to focus world attention on a bunch of Space Tourists – maybe some D-List celebrities to divert people from the actual alien arrival, on an abandoned airbase near a ley line. This is not the real story, it never is. In fact, it’s not even a particularly cool part of the simulation.

Capricorn: Industry Opportunity! Obviously, NASA has full rights to that space station property, the branding and so on. But there would be reverberations from this, related business opportunities, for sure. Game-changer or gimmick? Is NASA in a public-private partnership? What are the policy implications on this? Thinks, not for the first time, that legislation is dangerously lagging behind tech advances and certain styles of business. Perhaps that is the real signal here.

Image: Space Perspective

42 thoughts on “The Sun Signs As Space Tourists”

  1. Scorpio_Rising

    Indeed I would worry about enough personal space, and would also assume there’s a sinister conspiracy theory plot afoot. lol! 😉

  2. Aquarius not keen?? More theoretical maybe?
    I’m across Pisces, Capricorn and sadge. All three are YES. How would it not be amazing? Like, everything amazing. From the shuttle to the… scenery. I’d definitely pay the add-on for a space walk. Like, you are WALKING. IN SPACE. I’d want to book the trip with the group who weren’t morons going “er derrhh what does this button do lol” so I’d have to recruit my own friends to minimise risk of fools, and maybe a smart space-hottie-guy, for the screenplay I’d eventually write, love interest hellooo also not to mention the contribution to *science*, also a revised kama sutra with a chapter for zero gravity sex, I’m just saying, it’s for science and the future of humanity ok, someone has to be the first 😉

  3. I had a dream that I went to the moon and it was uber cool, I was hopping around and basking in the unique spacey landscape. Then I got really bored. I realized there was nothing else to do and I wanted to go home.

    Leo with Mars in Gemini

  4. Once read astronauts have space ice cream.. I was up for it for like, 30 seconds before I considered present Earth dinner. Also, all the films show assisted sleep and my cat couldnt visit. How on earth would a crab rule the station anyway? Passively resetting the wifi would not be an option, so why bother.Pre-launch *spacefatigue

    1. On a school trip to the Air and Space Museum in Washington DC, everyone had to try the astronaut ice cream they sold in the gift shop. It was a completely dry Neapolitan brick and truly gross. I hope astronaut ice cream has improved since 1987.

      1. Are you kidding, freeze dried ice cream and space food sticks defined my primary school canteen snack years. So good. What happened to space food sticks anyway?

  5. This Lion says no way. Would much rather lounge around sipping a small batch bourbon. A foot massage would be a nice addition. I grinned at the “muse” reference however. During my two decades at a large corporation, I did identify as the resident man muse.

  6. This is HILARIOUS and spot on. Especially mine (Leo), as by the time I got to “Smiles with pleasure at the thought,” I was already smiling. 😀

  7. R (Aqua/Tauri)

    Aquarius/Taurus = ACCURATE! I know Aquarians are supposed to be all future-and-technology-oriented but I freakin’ hate what I call ‘space bros’. Typically those who worship Elon and Neil deGrasse Tyson. Call themselves ‘rational’. All about ‘progress’. blablahblah

    Humans are never going to thrive on Mars okay? Beyond GETTING THERE the number of things that would need to be created to make the place long-term habitable (including SIMULATING OUR GRAVITY) is just crazy. Let us focus on this planet. Put the money and the research into HERE.

    Also speaking of Elon a Tesla just caught fire outside my apartment lol.

    1. YES oh my goodness fanaticism in any form is bad, how can one possibly think rationally when everything is a choose your team kind of arena.

    2. Elon is akin to some technocrat Prometheus stealing 20th century fire in the form of electric future tech and branding from the Gods, aka Nikola Tesla. Actually all of his work was stolen then classified. And Neil is a poser. He is not Carl and “Cosmos” should be left alone.

  8. Oh no this would never be for me. Sagg SN here and in this lifetime I am a bad traveller. Even weekends away cause me huge amounts of anxiety in the getting there/returning. Thankfully I neither know nor follow any of the elite rich for whom this would be a viable travel option so I wouldn’t be forced to listen to their smug stories or see their Insta updates.
    I’m sure I’m not the only one vaguely disturbed by this, though. Are we monetising everything now? What about the problems right here on earth? I think I’d rather spend a holiday pulling rubbish out of my local river.

    1. I’ve also always found it bizarre how they’ve explored more of outer space than our Earth’s oceans. About 70% of the Earth’s surface is made up of ocean and they’ve only explored 5%. Just makes no sense.

  9. Unicorn Sparkles

    I am feeling an aqua need to go off grid already. I am getting zapped by everything, and all of my technology is breaking down. my phone had a catastrophic battery meltdown last night so I’m risking everything using my laptop right now. I can almost feel its fear. even my car is making unusual sounds.

    so aside from the huge environmental catastrophe this would contribute to (like those super cruisers in Venice) you don’t want me up on there. unless you want to risk hurting back to earth in a fireball.

  10. I would totally do this if there was a Bogo deal floating around I can snag. My Aries/Sagg stuff wants that space cowboy experience, but Toro is more like hell no gamma rays and bone density erosion, I’m not sucking green-algae food goo from a straw then expelling out processed goo thru a tube.

  11. Love this!!! Pisces Sun, Cancer Rising ….a string of exes with Gemini sun, And shiteloads of Virgo , Capricorn , Libran and other water sign friends. That’ sounds like us all going on a boat trip ..

  12. Reading Pisces thinking omg Yaas! Then, recalling actual footage of the space station, Virgo Rising kicks in with all the questions about privacy and toilet paper. Opens 10th browser window to research building an Earth Ship hotel with lilac-coloured lighting, rose quartz ringed fire pit, panoramic view of the night sky and sensory deprivation tanks.

  13. Sag (w Sag rising & Cap moon) – Knocks over popcorn and drops the phone fumbling to google ticket prices, and trip details. Does a 180 as she realizes it is not a solo trip, and in fact will be shared with others. Imagines them to de douchey, status-seeking, children of the rich. Launches Patreon to create artist-in-space residency.

  14. Oh yes, I can hear my Scorp housemate and me having that conversation.
    Scorp: It’s all rigged!
    Cap: Yeah but how?

  15. First reaction was Cancer (Sun) followed swiftly by Aquarius (IC)

    Also, we’ve hired a van this week with ENTERPRISE emblazoned in great letters all over it. And i must admit that i’ve been having some v Leo (Moon) fantasies a la Captain Kirk.
    Though apparently he’s a Taurus Sun with Aqua Moon ….. & his Mars is in Saggitarius – this makes sense…. there’s no birth time, but i wager he’s a Leo Rising.

  16. My first reaction was to shudder and reach for nice things. I’ve been thinking about this space tourism for hours and I’m still shuddering.

  17. so funny – totally identify with Virgo and Aries (my Rising..) absolutely looking up Astronaut training right now, in the 10th browser tab… lol!

  18. Cynthia Parker

    Very funny, Mystic. Yet as within, so without. As we gain access to the higher planes on the inner level, so we are enabled to match it on the outer. Question for me is what do I DO with the inner planes that open up within me; or what would I DO if I had access to that out space journey, not withstanding my current astrological tail feathers.

  19. Ur take on Virgo so apt. And 10th tab on the browser is so ON. I treat the idea as an enjoyable topic for fiction writing, Hollywood movie a la Jules Verne in space and a documentary on Virgin and Tesla space race. Too much?

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