The Sun Signs As Space Tourists

Cancer: Pictures the Moon, ethereal and glowing in the galaxy – thinks about selenite, space angels, stargates and soft gentle lunar winds…Then jump-cuts to food frozen in plastic and the possibility of canned air tube showers. Runs through montage of spooky space horror films in their mind. Now has Space Phobia.

Sagittarius:  Knocks over their popcorn and drops the phone fumbling to google ticket prices. Launches Kickstarter appeal. Wonders whether ‘air miles’ would become ‘light year’ credits. Volunteers to help colonize the Moon but then cancels as remembers they got festival tickets.

Leo: Imagines themselves gliding around the space station, in a Courreges space suit or like Rheya Kelvin in Solaris. Being a Space Influencer. A Muse For Astronauts. Smiles with pleasure at the thought and creates an extraordinarily chic space soundtrack playlist for the journey before remembering they get motion sickness on fairground rides.

Pisces: Tells everyone that they’re not going to be a Space Tourist but a Space Nomad, that it is their calling. Pictures themselves on the lilac-lit luxury Space Station deck, chatting to an intergalactic dissident religious leader in their robes. Or warming their hands at the rose quartz ringed fire pit, gazing out through the floor-to-ceiling panoramic windows at the vastness of space. The passing Star Fleet ship looks so romantic, like a pirate boat. It’s great how you can just snap your fingers in space and be floating in zero gravity. Was Event Horizon a documentary or a dream they had?

Gemini: Wonders about the internet connection. It would be via satellites and so super-fast, obviously…right? I mean, it would have to be an extremely robust connection and a billion GB a millisecond. Presumably you could do a podcast AND pick up on extra-terrestial intelligence messages, while also, you know, keeping in touch. What if it dropped out? Or did they expect you to just be offline and soak up the space vibes? Is over it already.

Taurus: Hell no. Presses feet more firmly into the ground and inhales yogically, savoring the faint fragrance of tarragon and acacia blossom on the breeze. Breathes, hands in a prayer gesture of gratitude. Thinks about dinner and roast potatoes.

Aquarius: Remembers that they were going to cost cloaking technology for their house. Is there an app to see how many satellites could technically zoom in on you? Looks for a forum to vent dissatisfaction and concerns with the commercialization of space. Was nothing sacred? And, why the fuq mess around with s**t like this with the actual health of the planet at stake? Decides it is yet another version of circuses and bread for the masses.

Aries: Wonders if they can get their own space station up and running; a competing bed and breakfast in the same orbit but obviously superior. Looks up astronaut training courses. Space Tourism? Pfft.

Virgo: Worries about whether the provisioning is done right and the ratio of oxygen in the air. Would there be proper hospitality staff? And private bedrooms? Begins research project on the sleeping arrangements of Space Stations and what happens to the waste material from it. And, was this the Space Station shared with other nations? If there was a diplomatic incident on Earth but you were on a Space Station shared by the countries involved, what were the legals around that? And what was the back-up for if it ran out of toilet paper? If the trip was being filmed or used in promotions, were you signed up as talent or as a guest with media rights waived? Where was Haileys Comet right now? Would tinnitus be better or worse on a Space Station? God, were there E.M.F.s? Could it go through a wormhole or was that Outer Space?  Search Concept: Gravity effects on digestion. Also…telomeres. Could a decrepit space satellite part fall on you? Opens tenth browser tab.

Libra: Shudders and reaches out their hand to touch the sofa, cat, silk, skin. Feels sorry for astronauts and Space Tourists without fluffy bathrobes or the ability to attain bliss via simple luxuries. Also, who ‘owns’ space? The legal ramifications and security implications are mind-boggling enough to make it a hot topic to follow from the ground. Applies cedar-scented Sweet Almond oil hand cream and sends an intriguing, strange message to the person who had a crush on them in 2015.

Scorpio: Assumes that it’s a gimmick to focus world attention on a bunch of Space Tourists – maybe some D-List celebrities to divert people from the actual alien arrival, on an abandoned airbase near a ley line. This is not the real story, it never is. In fact, it’s not even a particularly cool part of the simulation.

Capricorn: Industry Opportunity! Obviously, NASA has full rights to that space station property, the branding and so on. But there would be reverberations from this, related business opportunities, for sure. Game-changer or gimmick? Is NASA in a public-private partnership? What are the policy implications on this? Thinks, not for the first time, that legislation is dangerously lagging behind tech advances and certain styles of business. Perhaps that is the real signal here.

Image: Space Perspective