The best (or worst, depending on your perspective) takedown of Aquarius men was written by a 2nd Century Aquarius man.
Vettius Valens was an in-demand astrologer of the 2nd Century. He lived in the cosmopolitan, polytheistic city of Antioch, which no longer exists but which would be in Turkey if it did. He despised religion and suggested people abstain. His temple was that of Tyche – AKA Lady Luck.
Vallens also warned most people off relationships – “women/men will always be trouble” – and did not hesitate to tell people if he thought they would “become a tyrant” or lead a “mediocre life.”
“Aquarius men are wet,” said the ancient astrologer
In his early thirties, he took off to Egypt in search of occult knowledge but the trip was such a disaster, he added ‘travel’ to his list of things that were probably not a good idea. Pirates accosted his boat, and then, later, there was a shipwreck. Enterprisingly, he did the birth charts of everyone else in the wreck and turned his findings into an essay.
Egypt was worse; he blew his life savings to learn ancient astrological truths but “...suffered much, endured much… and spent money that seemed inexhaustible because I was persuaded by mountebanks and greedy men.”
After that setback, he became a monk before returning to his home city and astrological practice. And, he had this to say about Aquarius men:
“Aquarius is the celestial sign which is masculine, solid, anthropomorphic, somewhat damp, single. It is mute, quite cold, free, upward-trending, feminizing, unchanging, base, with few offspring, the cause of troubles arising from athletic training, carrying burdens, or work in hard materials, an artisan, public.
Men born under this sign are malicious, haters of their own families, incorrigible, self-willed, deceitful, tricky, concealing everything, misanthropic, godless, accusers, betrayers of reputations and the truth, envious, petty, occasionally generous (because of a flow of water), uncontrollable. As a whole this sign is wet. By part it is as follows: the first parts are wet, the upper parts fiery, the lower worthless and useless.”
You know how every entity/person who people channel sounds similar and kind of bland for an alien/Atlantean barbarian? I’d like to channel Vettius and see what he had to say. I don’t think he’d hold back. Thoughts?
Seemingly harsh, but..
He’s ‘fairly’ astute, in regard to a general observation of the primordial Aquarian perspective on contexts described.
Honest and Impersonal.
We need that too.
Fascinating.
There’s a bit of self loathing and regret in his rant.
Omg , haters of their own family,! Can def relate this to my Aqa son, I can feel once he flies the nest , he won’t give a fuck about me.
Also incorrigible 😅
OMG.. I say the same thing about my Aqua son…
wow. was the man himself said wet? i happen to really dig aquarius PEOPLE a whole lot. wet? never had that experience.
Ugh Aquarius men. Here’s one for you: you hire them for a job, then they sulk because you sack them for not meeting a deadline and don’t pay them because they didn’t actually do anything – even though they had three weeks.
Their excuse? It was ALL THEIR IN MY MIND I JUST HAD TO WAIT FOR IT TO COME OUT. Sorry dude. Sounds like a case of more dry than wet.
Aquarian men are fuqwits. I can’t think of one good one ….. I mean some of them might be geniuses or talented and stuff. But would you want to live with one? NO FREAKIN WAY!
Yes, I found my Aquarius husband a sulker and really stoic when it came to doing something he had not thought out. Did a lot of thinking before action. Lived in his headspace actually. He got satisfaction from connecting people to do their work. Had some really good times in the water and conversing but too chaotic for me being a 4x Virgo, a doer !
Only lasted 9 months but still friends when we meet up.
I would say I taught him the “cost of giving is receiving” and that everyone has their story.
Hahahahahaaa! I loved this. I especially liked how Aquarius is allegedly the most ill-suited sign for any type of physical work and can’t be trusted with almost any task, LOL.
What a crack up, I love Vettius Valens, what a guy!
Hilarious!! This is the funniest history of astrology I have ever read!! Please just so many more like this.. Omg. Is Vettius V an Aquarius? He sure sounds like one. I love this bit: “In his early thirties, he took off to Egypt in search of occult knowledge but the trip was such a disaster, he added ‘travel’ to his list of things that were probably not a good idea. Pirates accosted his boat, and then, later, there was a shipwreck. Enterprisingly, he did the birth charts of everyone else in the wreck and turned it into an essay.” I have read this 30 times now and laugh every time. Brilliant. And really Aquarian men can be incorrigible and godless, we all know that, lol.
Yes, he IS an Aquarius – that’s is why I thought it was funny he was snarking about them.
Sorry I read it again and he was of course Aquarius mentioned twice in the first paragraph! Duh. The self criticism is adorably Aquarian in that it is so well cited by himself.
I wish I’d read Vettius half a century ago but maybe I had to learn the hard way. Could explain why I was delivered by forceps. I mean it!
Interesting, what is your forceps theory?
My north node in Aquarius destiny/relive which I resisted..Vettius’ “travel is not a good idea” ie travelling down that birth canal equals trouble. Plus his “women/men will always be trouble”. A childhood fascination for my precocious Aqua/Aqua rising cousin might have destroyed my life and nearly did. Something in me sensed/anticipated the dangers, necessitating forceps delivery….but I forgot it all after the first breath. Karma? Perhaps there were also medical reasons for the forceps. I’ve often wondered….six of one half a dozen of the other. Anyway Vettius piqued my imagination immediately. Plus an ex husband has Venus in Aquarius and I’m still shocked to find the second Vettius para a totally accurate description of same. But I’m smiling now because I escaped! No hard feelings towards the forceps 🙂
I just had the most profound chills reading this…this may have been one of my past lives. Everything about this is me and lines up with my chart, and I’m redoing a lifetime this go-round.
You were accosted by pirates off the coast of Memphis en route to a course heavily marketed as being created by Chaldean Astrologer Priests and Priestesses?
Modern day pirates trying to loot and pillage energy, and in some cases, material posessions…haha. The larger themes are very much at play, and I have this weird, gut punch knowing when I uncover a new past life that hit me on this one. Maybe it wasn’t me, and I was just there, but I’m def going to explore this one more in hypnotherapy (because it may also explain my extreme aversion to travel).
Yes, I felt a twang in my heart reading about Antioch…and I have Mars-Pluto square South Node in Saggo, so I understand!
Married to an Aqua man and this made me laugh..some bits especially! I looked up my hubs chart once and couldn’t believe one placement explaining his ‘hard stare’ (which he has always had) and the reasoning behind it..looking into a person’s soul 😉 love Astrology
I think it’s harsh – but i do see my aqua father in that description…
Same. The description of the Aquarius man is my dad.
Yep! Could deffo see my Aqua dad in there…and I’m an Aqua so disinclined to hear or say bad things!!
I’ve had a thing for two Aqua men and this is accurate to some extent. The first was very creative and even though I loved him in 1982… we’re still friends to this day. He knew his problems and said I would get hurt in a “relationship” with him but we could be friends forever and we have been. He married a woman he was great in business with but it’s a struggle for him to love her, yet he felt he needed to do so and extend the relationship beyond the bed. He’s been very successful but I think his heart is hesitant and deliberate in defending his choices. He blames his stuff all on what his mother did to his father.
The other one… has also done lots of spiritual work but is a piece of work. We connected in 1988… and talked again a lot in 2017-18… and he was so weird I just evaded the connection moving forward.
I have a nephew who is an Aquarian and his father is a Leo. He married a Cancer and has a baby Pisces. He’s very loving, sporadically. I believe he is committed and knows his wife and he have peace but before he married her he wasn’t so sure it was the passion of his life. He chose her because of this peace and because there was no peace in the family he was raised in with my brother the Leo at the helm.
I think this astro dude would definitely have opinions about what the heck is happening right now! Bring him through!
Oh my god this is hilarious. “ the cause of troubles arising from athletic training, carrying burdens, or work in hard materials, an artisan, public.”
Relatable lol
Also think his opinions on Aquarius not having children and being “HATERS of their own families” is interesting, I wish I longed for a family and see some people doing it right who are examples to me. But I’ve never felt maternal instincts or longings and feel like I would be emotionally neglectful and that it’s one of the reasons having children would be an unethical thing for me to do. I have all these mental obsessions and have made them the focus of my life (sort of like this dude) but I’m trying to be more active and Taurus-like because I do feel happier when I am more grounded and active in the world.
Also having existential crisis about leaving the big city for the country life of my childhood and having horses again…Aquarius and Taurus fighting in my mind! The Aquarius scope this month was SO ACCURATE about this longing to be more earthy and with nature.
So funny!! I love my Aqua man, he’s hilarious and knows how to be an arsehole if he needs to. He avoids his family as much as he can. And so, so fun to be with!
Wow! This sounds just like an Aquarian a-hole that I know!
Hilarious. Just read it to my Aqua man and he snorted then laughed. It rang very true. I still have to listen to my venus conjunct his NN, he’s a huge pain but I love him !
Tough love. Only way to go !
He says all this like it’s A bad thing 😂
Hilarious, Mystic! You are just the best writer! I’ve always been madly attracted to Aqua men. They may be wet but they’re never boring. Aqua rising here.
Ex husband Aquarian man has bought three apartments and sold them when he was running low on cash. Changed continents from UK to Australia and has had every crazy job from manscaper to children’s creative writing teacher.. is a poet and is now bitterly disappointed his life is no longer living up to his expectations… and he can no longer blame Thatcher
Think he and Vettius would have plenty to.moan about..
I seriously want to know his name! haha
He held his own attitudes in high regard, hated his Fortune’s/Fates’ giving him his high-handed faith back, couldn’t admit he even gave power to something external like Luck since he eschewed religious beliefs, so blamed the entire rest of the crew to the point of wasting his delineations and calculations on finding blame in their source. Then could only show self-hatred through descriptions of his own sun sign along with others. What a terrible self-relationship! Feel dreadfully sorry to read this. And prefer your very own truth-telling powerful-femme mercurial goodness as wiser than his voice, Mystic. But…it’s a good lesson, a sorry and powerful tale.
Hahahahaha
He has the tone of a Capricorn. Surely with that kind of misfortune there’s a very spiky Neptune square in there, maybe with some Saturn for extra come-uppance..
Ohhh or an unfortunate Gemini or something.
Oh oh it’s got Saturn all over it !
😭🤦🏾♀️ omg. you didnt have to. stfu!! shhhhhh
Love this! I had a thing once with an aquarian man. He was born the day after me, but 3 years earlier in some castle (turned hospital) in Croatia. I really enjoyed his company, but it wasn’t meant to be for various reasons and I broke it off unexpectedly. Oddly, I still often think about him. I’ve not been with another aquarian, and as an Aqua myself, had a tendency for Leo’s, but really have just about tasted the zodiac. Four years since my last disaster of a relationship (with a Leo) and I’ve remained single and uninterested. I actually identify with Vettius’s words, probably more than I’d care to admit.