A Cancer woman and Capricorn man are often a fantastic match. However in this poignant scenario, she thought he was her soulmate while to him, she was only his mid-life crisis.
Dear Mystic,
As I see you sometimes answer the questions of other members in the blog, I am hoping you can help with mine. Embarrassingly, I found this site looking for “insights” or, more accurately, “dirt” on a man I have become obsessed with.
Sadly, I mean obsessed like the way teenage girls get obsessed. I wrote his name out a hundred times the other night, like a mantra. But I am in my late thirties, not a teen. You would die if you saw my search history. I found you with a search term like “if you met on an eclipse – are Cancer woman Capricorn man soulmates.”
So I signed up hoping for a “he will come back to you on July 10” reading and then found a lot more, including (lol) the Love Zombie material. The horoscopes have given me non-preachy strength, but the Oracle just told me to “get a grip.”
Even the Tarot is all Swords, end of days, mourn your losses and move on. Honestly, I agree, and I am thankful for the information, even though it hurts. But how can I move on?
As a Cancer with a lot of Earth sign planets, I’m not naive, and have done a lot of work on myself at all levels. This is not to sound pompous, but I mean that I’m not some idiot who usually falls for unavailable men. I don’t waste resources on things or people who do not deserve them. My job involves the literal handling of vast resources and peoples livelihoods depend on my competence with this. As a result, my consciousness is sober, you might say.
So I met this man on the Eclipse in March 2015, through work and we had to spend some time together on a project. The chemistry was so intense I was getting little electric shocks and fearing my deodorant had failed. Crisp repartee like we filled in each other’s jokes and sentences to the point that the other people in the room did not believe we had not known each other for years. And most heartbreaking of all, a sense of emotionally having come home. Like he had my back.
Long story short, he is all like “I have to see you again,” and I am all “of course.” I had been cruising through my 30s with a cheerful and relaxed cynicism about men and love, not expecting to fall for anyone at all, let alone like worlds colliding. Later I found out Pluto is opposite my Sun and Venus and on HIS Sun and Venus. He tells me he is in a relationship that has died (his words) and that he is seeking an exit strategy. They are not married.
He hates even the suburb that they live in. He asks questions about where I live, about me, about my childhood, everything. The way a lover does. There are vague family ties we share, not that we are related, but it feels karmic, like our ancestors were maybe in love. We talk like lovers. People at work think we are having an affair. I stop online dating (slack as my efforts were – workaholic Virgo rising here) so I can be ‘ready’ for him.
There are texts, talking, more texts, talking (sometimes at 3 am, with him in some transit lounge or just insomniac. I try not to think about his partner asleep upstairs. That relationship is dead and him exiting is just a matter of strategy, he has assured me of that.) I get deeply enmeshed in a complex work-business decision he has to make, my advice is pivotal. I support him through his knee operation, not literally but emotionally, telling him it is not an “old man” thing, that athletes get knee operations, all that.
For over a year, I am in this relationship with the Capricorn. The fact that we are not officially together is irrelevant. He changes his work schedule to see me. We have long talks and some physical contact. As an ethical woman, I refuse to sleep with him – much as I want to – until he is not partnered. But emotionally, the infidelity is a done deal. He’s already ripped a big hole in the fabric of his soon to be ‘past’ relationship.
Last week, two days after he sent me a text saying “I love you and I will see you very soon,” a work trip was canceled. This means I can go to a fancy work function I was not going to attend and HE will be there.
My teenage girlesque plan is to arrive (with him not expecting me to even be in that city) and look so drop-dead stunning he will be unable to resist being with me immediately. My preparations are bride-like, my grooming bill quadruples to the point that the bank phones me to ask if my card has been stolen.
The Horoscope says something about ruts being busted. I think “hah” because obviously, this is going to be the end of my singlehood or the interim phase where I am in love with the Capricorn but not with him. I am on a huge high in the cab on the way to the event. Then, in a giant hotel conference room, sweaty palms gripping a flute of champagne, foolishly talking to a V.I.P. like she is a non-entity because I am so distracted, I spot my Capricorn.
He is standing extremely close to a woman who is visibly about six months pregnant. My mind races around for about 10 seconds. “His sister? A colleague he is extremely fond of in a platonic way?” But observing my line of sight, the V.I.P. I am talking to fills me in: “they just got married, I can’t believe they’re here and not on honeymoon. But he said to me the other day that he thinks he has been having a mid-life crisis for the last year.”
Mystic, the only good thing about that night is that I kept it together and looked the best that I can humanly look. I did not get drunk, and there were no scenes. I waved across the room at the Capricorn, making sure I was immersed in conversation all damn night, with a big fake beauty pageant grin. Then I left early and got drunk on my own with the cat and some shitty electronic music.
He was my soulmate, and I was his mid-life crisis! I am convinced that I am not a Love Zombie. The Capricorn was giving me not just signals but actual undertakings. He would say things like “when we get our place, we will have to have solar lighting.” It was not me deluding myself. The problem is that I am having a hard time letting this go. I keep thinking that, because we met when Pluto was affecting both our Suns and Venus signs, it will happen again when Pluto goes direct in September?
Then again, the BABY is due then. And no not a word from the Capricorn since that night of the delusions being nuked.
Is this a Capricorn thing? A Pluto syndrome? Help?
Moon Woman – Not A Love Zombie.
Dear Moon Woman – Not A Love Zombie,
Yes, the bedside manner of the Oracle can be appalling! Okay, so first of all fuq him. The Capricorn, I mean. He is what the relationship blogger Natalie Lue calls a Future Faker. It is a thing, and no, it does not make you a Love Zombie. You are correct – he was making like he was going to be in a relationship with you, honoring the connection between you and well, more or less BEING in a (sort of) relationship with you.
But he was not honoring you, and he certainly was not honoring his – ahem – fiancee. This is the point where you pause for a moment and give thanks you are not the Capricorn’s primary partner, given that you now know what the prick is capable of. So you’re not a Zombie, but you will be if you entertain fantasies about this guy given all that has gone down.
He probably DID have strong feelings for you and enjoyed your attention, the energy between you and so on. But he also implied there was a future between you when he knew there was not and presumably was just hooked on the extra emotional and sexy oomph you bought to his life. I would hate to think that there was also a professional motive here, that he could in any way have vamped off your career or used your contacts.
So again, fuq him and do whatever it takes to exorcise him from your head. But also, Pluto opposite your Sun-Venus IS profound. This has aroused parts of your psyche that you’d set to snooze.
Pluto Direct will be when you flamboyantly move on from this Future Faker. Leave him to his rut and say a prayer for his partner.
What does everyone else think?
Image: Chris Von Wangenheim
I could have written this post, so I feel for you. That was me 10 years ago, very similar situation. Not the pregnant wife bit, but a wife all the same and the potential for a relationship with me, because he was so unhappy, so unhappy. What can I tell you, other than he is still with his wife 10 years on. Not so unhappy then, huh?
Well he did you over didn’t he? We all have our parts to play in this scenario though. For more part I never entertained men again who I thought had ‘potential’ or ‘potential to be in a relationship with me’. Either they were or they weren’t. Also, I am very wary about being the other woman in an emotional affair. So you’re not having sex? So what, you’re still crossing a line. Be on guard for that in the future, is my only advice. You’ll be fine darling, I had a similar awful evening where someone told me what mine had been up to, it felt like someone had stuck a sword in my belly. It’s all good, it’s all learning, it was meant to wake you up. Don’t be afraid. I have Neptune conjunction Venus exact, and Pisces ruling my 7th (with transiting Neptune there since forever), I was born to overcome the fact that I believed the pretty words of assholes. Onwards! I wish you all luck and I am grateful you dodged that bullet.
I’m popping in here to comment because I’ve just come home from a day long workshop with the amazing Natalie Lue herself. I can’t describe what an emotional day it’s been but also how fortifying, funny and revealing The Breakthrough session was. In person, Natalie is exactly how she comes across on the podcast and in her books, only nicer, more psychically intuitive (not something she claims to be but from experience I can tell you, she picks up EVERYTHING ) compassionate, wise, honest, loving and funny. Despite learning some seriously uncomfortable truths today about myself and where I’m at emotionally not where I’d like to think I am emotionally but where I really am, I feel okay. Supported and even more sure of what is good for me and what isn’t. All the full moon realisations are now law, set in stone in my psyche and ready to be actioned. Whilst I don’t plan to start mouthing off to anyone or telling people all about themselves, especially pre Mars direct, I’m also not about to placate any fuqits, Qi Vamps, Mr Unavailables of any variety, yes, including the narcisists, I’m also not being coerced, frightened or manipulated into responding to aggressive emails, threatening emails, pleading begging ridiculous emails, phone calls, texts, any kind of unwanted snark or THE COMMUNICATION THAT PRECEDES THE SNARK AND OR EMOTIONAL ABUSE OF ANY KIND.
period
It is such a relief to have initiated NC with literally every guy in my life who creates drama, pain or chaos of any kind. I feel a bit overly self-protective ATM. As in fiercely so and definitely not ready to date or be intimate with anyone and I’m unlikely to be ready anytime soon. And that’s okay.
I’m doing what’s best for me long term and that is what my life is about.
I’m so clear about never ever abandoning myself emotionally again.
God I feel like a relationship evangelist 🙂
Relationship with self.
I get it.
I get it.
Finally.
And this was an awesome post.
Brexit bit close to home, so no comment tonight as my focus has shifted back to me and I’m dealing with things I can change, rather than things I can’t.
Also I’m just tired tonight, emotionally, and raw. Feels so very Pluto though.
xxx
Moon Woman has emailed me to thank me for posting this and you peeps for commenting AND…
“allowing me to be bathed in the wisdom and empathy of so many incredible people. It is still very raw for me and i am not very comfortable in the comments section of any site but please know i am readying and i am beyond grateful for the community here.”
I would just like to add – as i just thought of it – that Venus moving into opposition with Pluto and then square to Uranus, amped by Jupiter is going to blow out a lot of relationships, intense romantic emotions, past stuff and intense themes over the next two weeks…
More on this soon, but don’t let anything low or draining get away on you! This is powerful alchemy coming up right here.
I <3 this!
Venus opp Pluto, square Uranus x Jupiter = Alchemy
so apt!
I am touched deeply too. A double Libran still in aftermath of psychopathic narcissistic man. Your words have reached out to the pain of this last year with so many of the descriptions written clanging in my head. I am not alone! We are told this constantly, but to believe again. Still struggling for closure taking so many therapies. A mark, an imprint, a badge, what was i left with? I was/am a gentle butterfly that was sucked dry by a lot of this behaviour described above, like he took all the good bits from my heart and replaced them with what was or is still his. I have felt lower than the low, not able to function, clamouring for hope. Oh so very weird, never knew it like this. Thank you for all the sisterly love and support, with you all. X
(((Hugs))) to you and hope that your road to healing leads you to a better place……..
hi, i never post but i read the blog and comments, have done so for quite some time. moon woman, your story touched me deeply…i am sorry for the pain you are in. thank you for sharing it, apparently, it has resonated with a number of us. i too understand what you’re deep in, this situation, though different, i understand the pain. i find it interesting just how many of us have been through similar situations. if we could draw a continuum, i would be several months ahead. i would be shinning the light to show you the road, what it looks and feels like. i would hold your hand and tell you – this is going to hurt, alot. like a storm it will build and like a storm, it will start passing. i’m still in the storm, but no longer in its eye. i’m really sorry, thank you. your story and all the comments have helped me too…i hope you’re reading them. incredible community…thank you all.
What an awesome community.
Seriously.
In complete agreement with you there, Invicta.
Along with my Reiki healer & 1 or 2 close friends, you guys literally helped me to save my life in April 2014, post ZZ reverbs, too. This is the anniversary of meeting The Destroyer on June 20, 2012 … a painful day for me.
Goddess bless you all. I am still resurrecting myself, with your inspiring shares.
XXOO
Moon Woman – First, big and gigantic enormous hugs to you! My heart broke as I read what happened to you.
You are a very strong woman, it is obvious. You absolutely will get through this, but it will suck for a long time before you come out the other side. I love how the universe works in mysterious ways and how the universe prepared you for the evening the truth came to light. I have no doubt the reason you were able to pull off the Oscar worthy performance at the event and hold it together was because you had prepped so much for the night – like a wedding – and you felt SO confident looking like a million bucks. While not the night you expected, over time you will realize that ignorance isn’t bliss and you are better off knowing the truth.
Having gone through an experience with a future faker, I know the pain you are feeling is enormous and it will hurt for a very long time. While you have to find your own path to “recovery”, I can offer a few words of advice that really helped me:
1. No Contact – you absolutely have to break all contact with him. Nothing. Nada. It is very difficult, believe me I know, but any kind of contact will just hurt you immensely and postpone your healing. Yes, you will miss talking to him and you will miss him so much it will physically hurt, but you have to. Love yourself more than him…..
2. WRITE IT OUT! – This is advice Mystic gave years ago. It honestly is so therapeutic. Nothing fancy. Just open MS Word on your laptop and start writing. Write every little thought and feeling that comes to mind. Get it out. Over time, you will see that your thoughts change and over time you can look back at what you wrote a year ago and realize how far you’ve come. It is truly life changing to just write it out.
3. Karma – Don’t hold on to anger towards him. It will only hurt you. Know that karma absolutely WILL take care of him over time. You may see or hear about it, or you may not. But, it is absolutely certain that he cannot escape karma.
You won’t heal overnight, but, over time, you WILL get through this. Lots of love to you as you begin your journey of healing…
Darling Moon Woman, am a bit late to this and have read through your letter as well as the excellent comments and advice in this wondrous blog that will quite literally, save your life.
I know. Because it saved mine.
I had my Pluto Transit explode in dramatic gut busting fashion when I found myself in a karmic relationship with a man now renowned through the blog as the Sewer (perhaps more so to long time posters than newer ones, circa pre 2013). He was a bigamist, a closeted bisexual and he slept pretty much with anyone who’d have him. You know while he managed to actually come home to me in the evenings.
It took everything. My money ($25K in debt), my health (lost weight via a diet of coffee, half a croissant and an hour long run each day, had to be tested every 3 months for STDs for an entire year, had pre-cancerous cells uterine cells removed twice, my left breast actually bled and that was a pre-cancer scare as well), my sanity (he was an expert gas lighter and 7 yrs on from having escaped, I still cope with PTSD triggers, we were in therapy but that’s useless with psychopaths), my dignity, my softness, my innocence.. about the only thing I managed to retain at the time was my rented flat and my job. But even those I had to leave for a 4 month hiatus in a different continent during my few attempts to finally leave the relationship. Mind, that hiatus even featured being trapped in a building during a military coup.
So yeah, Pluto Pluto Pluto. I was all over here trailing blood, guts and tears, and so many of the voices here chimed in as companions, as witnesses, as just plain loving hearts who said, yes we feel your sorrow. For sorrow it was on a massive scale. Every small wound I ever had from life, from how I thought about love and men, expanded into a deafening echo I couldn’t escape for quite a while. And it took a bit to go from the identity of being damaged to being well, beautifully rebuilt, shall we say.
I’m not going to repeat much of what many others have already said, and honestly, while I kind of now thankfully bore myself by even sharing my background, I just wanted you to know that as a Cancer with Virge rising as well, sister, I have been in those pits and I feel you. You will get out of this.
Hence a few things I feel you may be thinking/ asking yourself over and over again:
1) Were you his mid life crisis or not? I don’t think it’s up to you to form an opinion or define his experience, because frankly as tempting as it is to form a conclusion about wtf this was for him (as a measure of control and because we’re so socially trained to do this), it’s really no longer relevant to you. It has no service to offer you, this knowing. Even if he returns and presents to have achieved some clarity, you know as I do, that anyone who could willfully lead a person on for an entire year whilst trading in lies and half-lies, will likely not have the ability to be honest. Foremost with themselves.
I would like to say, please leave this WHY alone. It will drive you mad and distract you from the gifts this experience may have for you.
2) Was it real, any of it? As you can’t speak for him, and as his hold on reality is Trump-tenuous, let’s leave that behind. I believe truly that your feelings and your presence in this relationship was real, which is why it makes it so much harder for you. You came into this wholly emotionally and like a dementor, he sucked you dry.
He has in his way, created a purpose for you and it’s very difficult to let go of that purpose and the person you were as having been loved by him. Please understand that if anything, this shows your capacity for commitment, for engagement and for love.
By no means should you ever doubt how wonderfully real you and your part of it is, no matter how stunning the disappointment.
3) But we were soulmates. Yes, I know. I felt the same way but the day I found out that he was on every known site trolling for sex, hiring hookers of either sex etc. was the day I made a decision: yes, you could have been my soulmate but I simply cannot and will not choose you. I chose me.
I realize there are lots of ideas around the concept of soulmates. And no doubt someone has perhaps a little irritatingly quoted you that whole “here for a reason or a season” bit, but if you’re anything like me, you want something a bit more useful that will help unfurl you from a fetal position.
My thoughts on soulmates are that there are:
– Natural soulmates, people who like he, finish your sentences, think similarly, lock step in with your groove, all that.
– BUT to BE a soulmate means to DO soulmate things, like telling the truth, thinking of your other’s welfare, and understanding on a larger cosmic level, that you truly want them to be safe and happy, with or without you. You hope you can grow together, build a life together but you also SEE them. That is an act a true soulmate chooses to perform everyday.
Because loving is a verb no? And often the relationships that last are not the most perfectly natural fits we’re often told they should be (some might be to begin with but there are ups and downs), the ones that go on are where each person in it chooses it everyday, over anyone or anything else.
My last point to this is that I also wondered what you took away about what and where you are in terms of your part in relationships. I feel a lot of this is very enlightening about your comfort zone in relationships, physically, mentally, emotionally. This is an opportunity to look at empirical evidence for yourself, is being in a relationship for a year without physical fulfillment ideal for you, did you like the distance set by default due to his entangled life, was it safer to love someone without the pressure to move forward, did you feel more valued as he indicated he would eventually choose you over his partner, so on and so forth.
I leave it to you to take a deep breath and let the questions come to you. I bring it up as from my experience the roots of my devastation were planted long before having grown up in a family where all the men were unfaithful and having a mother who bitterly harped about men yet expected me to marry. It pretty much made me fertile ground for attracting involved men. And while I couldn’t answer any of them – don’t expect to either, it was enough to be aware of these questions for my heart to do the work it needed to do to heal and to grow away from deep patterns I’d unfortunately inherited.
It wasn’t my fault, and it’s not yours either. But these are the much hard won veins of gold that such a tragedy may yield. You need to give the wisdom of your deeper self and your body do the work of whatever healing and change it may bring. If words hurt, or confine you, in thinking, writing or speaking of this, leave them. Seek healthy pleasure in whatever way you can, seek friends who don’t need to over analyze this thing to death but are like happy dogs overjoyed to simply be with you, seek nature, seek silence, embrace being found in how lost this all feels because eventually it will place you where you need to be, and more importantly, help you be more of who you are to attract a love that will be of mutual meaning, service and purpose to both in it.
I will honestly say I felt so damaged for such a while that I loitered a bit in the underworldly things, I sought affairs with no direction save for the moment’s pleasure, I talked to people more broken than I, I was angry and I gave up many, many times. That is all ok. What I took away from it is that no one can really know what works for you, I stopped complaining, I stopped explaining. I found integrity in following my instinct and intuition no matter how many times I failed.
I was being my own soulmate for a long time. No time is ever wasted when you arrive at loving yourself in more explicit ways and I’m not talking bubble baths and flowers here. I’m talking about really understanding what you want to the damnation of all who care. I hope these words will bear something for you, I’m confident you will find a blossoming in this as you see yourself more.
I am with you all the way sister.
PS. On a more astro note: I had a frustrating affair with a Cap Writer that went over a year as well, told him to sod off, never regretted it. Caps IMO are the types to build you a house if they’re serious.
You’re not fallen, you ARE an angel. xx
Bless you emg, that’s a lovely thing to be told first thing Monday morning, Thank you. xx
“I was being my own soulmate for a long time” – LOVE THIS! Stay strong!
brilliant.
And unmistakably true. I just feel the truth from this.
I would never have known from your other comments here (I am post early 2012 but was sporadic and all over the place anyway back then) but you always come over as clear, sane, gentle and just super cool. I had no idea you’d been through such trauma fallenangel. I have to agree with Emg. You are divine.
Reading this, I just wanted to hug you. <3
Thank you for your lovely comments darlings.. it’s been a real slog and I’d have never made it without the support of this community.
I’m glad, as Invicta so sweetly pointed out, that how I come across no longer belies the trauma. I’m also reminded how many of us are wounded in similar ways, and we spend time, much precious energy, wondering and thinking – is it me, could I have done something else, etc etc?
Then to be faced with the continuing imprisonment of having real time witnesses such as the loved ones and friends who were around at the time, still judge you and look at you as wounded, damaged, and somehow eternally less capable.
Once my sister slipped and said she’d feel better if I was never in a relationship. Think about that for a moment. Who does it punish? Who does it condemn? I know what she intended even if ultimately the statement left me out alone and in the cold.
It’s in this sense that the only comfort are others who’ve faced the same challenges, who know without words that self blame is not the solution – even if it’s clear who’s at fault, and who are there to share a sorrow sustained in kind anonymity. Love is a good thing and our one true purpose here, though it may take many forms and express itself as it wills.
You’re all so beautiful, it has been a real blessing to be in your thoughts. xxoo
This is such beautiful, excellent writing, full of distilled Truths.
Just lovely
Wow. Blown away.
Late to this post but just wanted to say stay strong.
Been there. Not as eloquent as you.
Fell for same lies. Felt like an idiot for a long time after. But I learnt my lesson. And I realise that I chose not to see through the smoke because we all love to be loved. When you feel like you matter to someone, and you’re honest and think other is the same it messes with judgement.
I’ve just read all the enormous wisdom and support from MM and everyone on the blog, and my heart goes out to you as well, Moon Woman!
As many have also suggested here, do check out Natalie Lue’s baggagereclaim.com website. The blog, the podcast, the weekly email….all of those have been helpful to me over the past couple years in dealing with some crap in relationships. She really cuts to the chase on EVERYTHING and I found it so therapeutic.
This guy does sound like a narcissist…..or a sociopath! How can someone be such a cold, two-faced liar?! …..and, of course, a coward, but there are so many of those, aren’t there? Ugh…
I hope he gets some payback from the universe someday, but if he is a narcissist, he still won’t ‘get it’, he’ll just keep moving from victim to victim…as women get wise and leave him.
Triple Ugh! Why are there so many people like this guy?! If there weren’t, there wouldn’t need to be entire websites like Natalie’s dedicated to helping people who are suffering the aftermath of tangling with these a-holes!
Good thing you went to that function without warning him. You are so better off without that ass, look up NPD or narcissistic personality disorder. Freakin 5 year olds in mens bodies with mother issues…ugh! Don’t waste energy on him, get your mojo back and be grateful your not her.
Thanks for sharing Moon Woman. It’s so beautifully written. I was riveted until the end that made me sad.
Everyone has already said everything there is to be said. I feel for you.
Have nothing to add but this post has made me reflect on my own situation with unavailable men.
This Neptune / Saturn transit sure is busting all illusions. How does anyone find love in this climate?
*sad*
This made me sad and impressed at the same time. You write very well and you navigate emotional maelstroms quite well too. All I see initially is a strong soulful human navigating a difficult passage. You have what it takes to get through this and part of a successful passage to the other side is being with what is. It is an unfortunate by product that this part of the process happens to suck and feels very unfair. I feel for you.
Lots of wonderful comments and generosity from everyone too. I hope they help ease the shock after feeling blind sighted like this. That’s always the hardest part imo… the how did I, why didn’t I, why did they etc. I’ve found that can spiral on well past being productive but still won’t release it’s hold until we be with what we need to understand. Players play to short circuit these defences.
Be in your heart and your moon wisdom not in the wound or at least balance it out in equal measure until the scales tip away from someone who does not serve your highest good, your most loving heart and your precious soul.
I’m not good at this and rarely pop in to comment on the ‘ask mystic’ posts as I don’t know what’s helpful or not when people are hurting. Hugs are usually helpful but they don’t transfer on screen. Quietly lending energetic support without a view is also helpful imo but again.. it fails in this format but I felt everything you said as if I were experiencing it myself and felt compelled to reply.
Sending you a big virtual hug and silently bearing witness to the greatness of a soul who has offered to share their journey on spiritual growth with us all x
Dear Moon Woman. My heart reaches out to you. I too have been through this. May I say that age is no barrier to pain. I am a lot older than you and I know that when it happens we are all just little children in our hearts. My advice to you would be to seek professional counselling as hating someone that you feel is your soulmate can destroy you. Make this all about YOU not him as you can grow so much from this. If it is real love then remember love endures and he won’t forget you. Would you have respected him if he left a pregnant woman to be with you? I found reading “The Power of Now” (Eckhart Tolle) extremely helpful – if you concentrate on what is happening in the moment, it stops the obsessing and the what ifs. Remember, Cancerians and Capricorns (Ariens and Librans) are Cardinal signs aka Leaders. They are loyal to their close friends. Make this about friendship and stop thinking it was betrayal. If you are friends then you can have That Conversation further down the track and clear the air!! Good luck honey with love from a stoic Arian xx
Moon Woman, if you are reading this, I hope you can take comfort in the fact that this man is no one’s soulmate. You will not have to pine after someone worthy. Time will pass and you’ll have emerged the victor for not being the one stuck with this particular flavor of narcissism for the rest of your life.
That said, the loss of the fantasy really stings. I have been there myself. Sending you the most grounded of healing vibes.
You dodged a bullet.
Capricorns are the most sexually devious, I reckon.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this Mystic Mx <3
it's actually, as i told you in an email, why i signed up for your website.
"Love is a wicked little hook that snatches people unawares."
How bang-on is the tarot eh? 🙂
Wow Moon Woman, I have so much respect for you!
Well done on not sleeping with him too!
It is so great that you turned up when you did, and kept your composure! Amazing.
I also discovered this site during an obsessed phase. Delusion busting is a wonderful thing!
Fuck the Future Faker, and get on with building your own future.
Having been Capricorned in a similar way, I totally feel you. I think because they’re caps that we think they’re supposed to be solid and trust worthy types. The emotional betrayal is hard to take.
You handled it with way more grace than I did!
Respect, lady!
All the advice given here is spot on. Take it as a sign that you are epic and capable of ‘great’ love and move on with your awesome self. We’re all rooting for you and sending love xx
Moon Woman and Mystic, thank you so much for sharing this story. Your title, “he was my soulmate, I was his mid-life crisis” and the concept of future fakers has shed enormous light on my own on-again, off-again relationship (now thankfully permanently off the last 4 years).
Much support for your eventual recovery and much gratitude for your part in my own recovery.
Love Zombie here… my eyes were drawn to read this… FUCKKKKK… i thought my situation was bad. LOTS & LOTS of LOVE to you Moon Woman <3 xoxoxoxox
I thank you for this letter, for this post, opening this page this morning in fathers day and having gone through a similar scenario, this letter has given me comfort that love is love and you honor the love you feel and felt but now you are free to be back loving yourself even more! Thank you for sharing we all the ones who know how to honor love and our feeling will prevail against any Future Faker.
Love you.
This is unbelievable. What a holy mess. I can understand that some people will go as far out of their norm in order to get more attention / love, and then stop when it’s convenient for them, but DAMN.
This is completely synchronistic for me as I had an extremely similar thing JUST happen to me and am getting over it. A totally intense, finishing-sentences rapport with my very married with children boss. It felt like we had known each other for ever. Nothing happened, it was just a pleasant crush but still excruciating at the end.
the moral I take from the story is remembering that people on my same brain wavelength are out there. being in close proximity did make me feel alive again, that the possibilities are endless, and to not give up. It’s just a painful lesson.
my sympathies to you!! but sometimes the moments we experience the most pain / embarrassment lead to some of the biggest breakthroughs.
xoxoxo
Love prevails! same story, glad to hear I am not alone.
Shame, shame on that Capricorn. My guess is that he truly does have feelings for you but doesn’t have the balls to make the life changes necessary to be with you. He is trying to save face and maintain his image with his wife but she’s just a “beard” in a sense.
Like MM said just be glad you are not in her shoes. You are free and will love again, they will be forever tied down in a sham of a marriage. An obvious facade.
Shame, shame on that Capricorn. My guess is that he truly does have feelings for you but doesn’t have the balls to make the life changes necessary to be with you. He is trying to save face and maintain his image with his fiancé but she’s just a “beard” in a sense.
Like MM said just be glad you are not in her shoes. You are free and will love again, they are soon to be forever tied down in a sham of a marriage. An obvious facade.
My dear, MW. As a fellow commiserator mentioned, you are most assuredly in the right & proper arena for some virtual therapy.
I believe what has happened to you (& to many of us here, myself included), is a blend of fate & free will. You chose this path, but The Divine had your back … you were meant to see the truth about this empty vessel, vis-à-vis, with the pieces falling into place to allow it.
When it happened to me, my heart & soul blown apart, Pluto was squaring my Mars/Venus. It was ugly. And brutal. When I got sober, I started doing me. Found myself a great Reiki healer. Started writing again, & taking long, nature walks, returned to volunteering, & making fabulous meals for my mother & son.
If you cannot get the sorry POS out of your heart-mind, I recommend a cord cutting ceremony. http://cosmicawareness.org/the-cord-cutting-meditation/
Moon Woman, I wish you the very best. And remember, particularly with lo-Cap types, living a phenomenally successful life is THE best revenge.
There is no quick fix for this trek, but know that after the hard yards, you WILL be an even better version of your Star.
Much love & serenity, sweetheart.
Welcome to Hades; you’ve just had yourself a Plutonic Love Experience (PLE) – my name is LiberatingVenus and I’ll be your Ferrywoman on this tour OUT of the Land of The Damned. You will find the exit located directly above your head, and the ascent – although painful – both enriching and empowering. This I can assure you!
Darling, you must be gutted! Sending you a big virtual hug from across the interwebz <3 God, I don’t know where to start….
I know what it’s like to be the one negotiating an exit strategy from an LTR that has many complex layers of entanglement, and trying to do so as gracefully and kindly as possible. That said, your Capricorn wasn’t looking to make an exit – he was looking to have his cake and eat it, too.
Oh sure, there were red flags. But I hope that you can forgive yourself, because the fundamental issue is that he was lying to you the whole time. It’s not your fault for being taken by this con man, my lovely – he certainly spun a convenient and self-serving web of lies in this seduction. I also commend you for keeping your composure at the function – that is mega poise in the face of devastation, and as a Venus/Pluto girl, I heartily applaud your ability to do so.
I do protest that he was NOT your soulmate, though – it was an illusion; naught but a faux facade he cleverly utilized and projected for the purposes of snaring your beautiful self. He is a parasite preying off of your hopes and dreams, and the sooner you come to grips with that and burn that bridge forever so you are never tempted back, the better.
Here is a thought to ponder that may be of further help in cutting that cord for good:
What if you were not the ONLY sidechick?
Cancer thank the universe for its blessing, not for the slow burn deception of a lower cap, but for the revelatory illumination of parts of yourself that are hidden to you. You said in your preamble that you are not naive and that you don’t pursue unavailable men. And yet at some point he told you that he was unavailable, and still you continued when the discerning (Virgo) approach would have been to say, “oh that’s a shame, look me up if you’re ever free…” and move on. Some part of you craves a proper relationship but in this case you’ve projected onto this man, when the signs are showing you that he can’t or will not fulfil any of it.
Speaking from experience (loads of 12th house) self-deception is a hard lesson to stomach and the current Saturn v Neptune is complicating all our lives. You mention his tr Pluto conjunct, and your PL opp. When we get significant Saturn (return/opp/sq) in our charts, we all complain about the devastation, but it pales when Pluto is involved. Pluto grinds everything in its path to dust, it is relentless and unforgiving but also remember that Pluto is Shiva the creator/destroyer. It destroys only so it can create, again.
Your love objects’ Sun/Venus conjunct was being disassembled as he is being asked to evolve beyond being a boyfriend/partner, to that of responsible father, and he was offshoring emotional intimacy away from his own partner to you as his response. Which tells me that his road ahead is not one that you would ever have wanted to be on.
The PL opp is the slightly harder energy, (with the conj being more benign) coming at you from the outside, while at the moment I know you might be ripped raw, but it has shown you parts of yourself that you need to enter into dialogue with – you don’t need to repeat this lesson again.
Some of MMs’ commenters are advising you as a Cancerian, to retreat into your shell, sure take some time to heal yourself, but I always think the best antidote for any sign, is its opposite sign. Yes that’s right, Capricorn. Read up on the evolved qualities and ponder how you might integrate some of those yourself around your own Sun/Venus. Also read Eric Fromm ‘The Art of Loving’ – People are sent to us for a reason, he has served his, thank him now & let him go.
I think this is very practical advice, hard hitting and lateral.
I had tears in my eyes reading this because I was in a similar situ a few years ago. I feel your pain, Moon Woman – the pain of spending hundreds on psychics/readers and desperate for someone to say, ‘Yes he will be back and it will be on this day.’ The feelings of shame around the e-stalkery.
Can I say though that you tell your story with such honesty and dignity. Kudos to you for this. It will help immeasurably in your healing.
If you are Virgo rising, do you have a Pisces 7th house? If so you have had Neptune and Chiron there. Neptune in 7th has brought an understanding of the ideal of a relationship and opened you up to what is possible. Is Saturn in your 4th? Go hard with Saturn in your 4th – boundaries, self care, setting some foundations. Where is your moon? If you do your moon and do your earth planets you may find solace, particularly if you have a lot of earth in your chart. Chiron in Pisces might say write it out and keep a dream diary. You may find insights, comfort and messages from your guides.
I’m so sorry you were treated like this. You’re not a love zombie, and you didn’t deserve this to happen to you. xx
Does this shit happen to men? Do women fake future them?? Damn, I hope so. I guess in all my years I’ve mostly heard of all the men ‘midlife crisis affairs’….most of the women I know my age are dealing with aging parents/out of work adult children/care of grandchildren..all the nasty, necessary midlife crisis that keep them too busy to f*ck around. btw Happy Father’s Day! lol
What a mother fkr
Seriously.
Lots of lessons to be learnt here
How plutonic is all of this ?
I feel this will stay with you for a while and perhaps all the lessons you’re supposed to learn won’t become visible for a while to come
But you are a strong woman
And you are not a love zombie
You honoured your feelings but perhaps there were signals you can’t hear/feel/see when you have such a strong strong connection
Karmic for sure
This will change you
For the better but you may not know or feel that way yet
Sending so much love beautiful soul xx
Dear Moon Woman,
You write so beautifully well. I was entranced with your well written description of what I thought was a cinderella story. My heart sank when I got to the end. However, you was so polished to be present without a flinch of destruction seeing him and his partner. So, Yes you dodged a HUGE bullet and be Thankful. It will take some time to grieve this loss. But time will let you see more that will help you understand the meaning of this meet-up.
Has he contacted you at all since?
Did he see you at the gathering?
You can write a book about this that could lead into a movie. Not trying to be heartless. Just saying that journalling this (as always recommended here) and getting into a script might be a powerful karma reaction.
I hope you are ok.
I also have to say and I say this when I read stories like this is grab those feelings you felt with him and store them in your bank for the next adventure. Don’t hate, be angry or discouraged. He unfortunately gave you a lift in spirit in wanting to be with someone and I do believe that it bleeds into the Universe to bring you someone else.
My heart goes out to you…. have been future faked myself and it HURTS. You can’t believe the nice things they told you cause it’s all lies. How can someone look you in the eyes while lying through their teeth. I don’t want castles in the sky, give me the brutal truth any day.
Take a holiday, get the hell OUT of familiar surroundings, waaaaay out! Kinda like a shortened 21st C version of the grand tour the Victorians took for the same reasons. It worked wonders for me when the same thing happened when Pluto was square my Venus. But Mystic is right regarding her comment about awakening something that was in ‘snooze’ mode. That was one of the lasting benefits of my experience. That intense connection stoked a fire in me that remains and positively affects my life. It also taught me that real love does NOT involve obsession of any description. Real love is calm and peaceful and unrushed, lacking that quality of desperation of an OTT attraction. It’s purpose, I now believe, is to usher us into a more mature understanding of our sexual selves and to teach us, hopefully for the last time, that all that glitters is not gold. Corny? Yes. But like that deal that sounds too good to be true, so too are these phony relationships. Falling for them is a rite of passage. The wise learn from such lessons.
Wow hugs to you. I was enthralled by the whole story & in pieces at the end! Ouch. Fellow virgo sun here…You are indeed not a love zombie, us virgos have the most rational perspective and do not miss the details or vibes. Assessment of the situation on point. Ability to function in a highly charged situation & keep it together. Amazing.
From being spurned by a multi-capricorn man before… Lets just say the hearing nothing from him part is completely capricorn emotional shut down. They errect walls of iron to protect their public persona. They can all always be counted on to betray the heart and do the “right thing”. Aka stick to their responsibilities, in this case husband and provider.
To be honest, he probably cannot live to face a real relationship with you. You sound like you have it together, and are emotionally self sufficient. Emotions are crippling to capricorn, control is everything. (Dont mean to bad mouth capricorns but hey this is the low capricorn side, obviously not all caps are functioning on the low level or are predominantly cap.. This is my experience with a multi cap).
This is horrible. You are entitled to feel everything you felt. And he owes you an explanation. You deserve a scene.. In private, as Virgo rising would prefer. One that maintains your dignity. Don’t succumb to virgo humility.. You are worth more!
Ugh. My stomach hurts for you. What a story, and the way you’ve told it is so lucid and blunt.
I think these major traumatic love events happen sometimes to remind us that we want more out of life. You said you’d been fairly happily single for awhile beforehand, right? Maybe this was a wake up call: let love in. Extra hard to do after you’ve just had your heart stomped on but I think that is actually the point and the task at hand.
I also think that when you’re gearing up to be ready for a real partner the men who are already calibrated to a state of relationship pick up on that faster than the ones who are bumbling around looking for one. And find you magically irresistible. You could take that as a cue to get really exacting about what you want from a partner and go looking yourself knowing you’ve probably got the vibe on your side.
What is with these Capricorn men? They are never quite single, are they? Also never quite faithful. My Mars is in Capricorn and I have been around this particular block more times than I feel like thinking about today. Always with the future faking! And some other woman tied up in it! Most infuriating — thinking it makes them cool.
My male Capricorn friends are THE most loyal spouses. However all my past ones were toxic as fuck. That is where I was subconsciously and they future faked. The last 6 years was cold turkey to develop discipline which I have yet still I think too much. But at least I no longer act on LZ urges – evolution! 🙂
Excellent. I’ve had a few single years to learn to not do my usual fall for the impossible. I did meet someone gorgeous, but of course he was married (for the second time). He ended up giving me better advice than any of my friends, family, colleagues or paid listeners. Everyone does come into our lives for a reason. We need to stop and think of the life lesson sometimes.
Omg your story crushes me Moon Woman. And no you are not a LZ. This dude is probably a bit of a sociopath as he is clearly manipulating multiple people. I think i read somewhere that you can suspect someone might be if they always have a relationship before starting the next one. They need someone to drain constantly. You got lucky even if it didnt feel like it. How old was this guy? Did he even want children?
I myself was in one of those sort-of relationships too. I never meant to love this guy but it ended up happening. Nothing physically untoward as i was sick and dying at the time. He stayed with me as i was getting uglier and fatter. Hair falling out. Stomach looking fat, bloated, gross. Huge dark eye circles, etc. you can imagine how much Libra hates looking like this? I have seen 20 yr marriages where men abandon their spouses within a month of her getting a terminal diagnosis. But that Aries Helped me,mnourishing me through that time. Maybe he never expected me to recover? But once i am finally better and can finally actually be with him, i find out he had moved in with a girl. Where the fuq did that relationship materialize from?
I am devastated. I tell myself maybe i am misinterpreting his compassion for me and mistook that for love? But no in June 2015 he told me to my face that he loves me. Fast forward to now. No moves had been made since then and he has stopped all communication since Jan 2016.
I am desparately trying to break free of his orbit now.
Oracle be damned for telling me so many times that he is still trying to make a come back in my life. Ugh.
For the first time in years i now have someone interested in me who i also like. A tiny shard of my heart still loves that Aries, but i need to move on since he doesnt want to be available to me and as far as i know still with that woman.
It is a good sign that the 2 days i have been apart from the Gem has felt too long.
I hope your next (better!) soulmate materializes soon!
I could be completely wrong, but it sounds as though there was a ‘contract’ between you too. He looked after you when you were very physically frail, as he ‘owed’ you from another life. You recovered, so the contract has dissolved.
You could try deeply thanking him internally, and allow you both to dissolve or unhook from each other.
This will provide Freedom.
If the relationship is really meant to continue, it will, but free from bondage. If it isn’t you will both take your own path but with a lighter load and no regrets.
Thanks for mentioning that to me about the contract thing. I am doing that. I am clearing out clutter that I had in regards to him. If we are meant to hook up again, we will. but for now, I want to direct my energy to the Gem in my life and stop feeling so guilty that I am having fun for the first time in 5 years.
Moon woman
Thats a cruel kick in guts and a get over it slap in face all at the time. Ouch. Tough lesson but you must be tough enough to handle it or it would not have happened.
At the risk of being on the outer of this comment thread. I must say although the blokes actions were deplorable it’s possible he was really into moon woman, perhaps falling for her but due to western societies standards (see judgement and/or capitalism) he felt he couldn’t leave his partner. It’s no excuse because a strong man/person should follow their heart but y’know society really casts heavy judgements on that kind of behaviour. I find this story sad for Moon Woman and the bloke. Also massive props to her for not having a breakdown at the function and maintaining composure!
I see your point but I don’t really see this being the problem here.
I agree that love happens in the most inopportune times and that societal pressures play a role in decisions of this nature but if there is respect and love there is no need for lies ? A trustworthy respectful person would lay it out as it is. Would attempt to explain himself, not lie about creating a life together etc and withhold crucial information.
This guy proved by his behaviour that his intentions were not honorable, or ever were. This is not about unrequited love or cultural pressure. It’s about a man who probably has used people in this way all his life.
I’ve suffered this just like moon woman and it’s the absolute pits. I understand serena’s statement totally as three years later he emailed out of the blue to ‘explain’ himself. It took him that long to fully understand what happened for him over the time we saw each other. But I also agree with david that he really should have been more realistic in what he could and couldn’t manage now or in the future.
You’ll digest this and I do hope that your heart is open to what can be and has looked at cynicism as being just another attempt to block a real experience, however seemingly shitty.
Yes, I agree with you and Serena: the nastiest, most insidious kind of delusion is self delusion and it seems like that majorly figured in his actions, which makes him subject for empathy, though not forgiveness.
“A trustworthy respectful person would lay it out as it is. Would attempt to explain himself, not lie about creating a life together”
Well said.
Dear Cancer Woman,
I have met Caps like this, and decent Caps (even amongst the most decent of whom, the “I use” that someone mentioned above operates like a sub-script in the background. Particularly now they have Pluto onside, which is outing many of them, and propelling many into the stratosphere of the “success” they so desperately want).
But my guess is that this is a Narcissist thing. His.
I doubt you were his mid-life crisis. I doubt you ever mattered to him at all, except that he needed something from you (biz deal advice, adoration while his S.O was somewhat indisposed – in terms of providing him with non-stop attention – while dealing with the inevitable occasional focus on self that is required to grow a baby.
Please read everything you can about narcissists – Coverts particularly, since they are harder to spot and easier (initially) to love than the Overts. To them, you are Narcissistic Supply, and they will do whatever it takes to get it – flatter, lie, cheat, etc.
They work on a cycle called the Idealisation (the flatter and false closeness stage), the Devaluation and the Discard.
Be glad you found out the truth before the Devaluation set in.
You were a high status, highly useful form of supply for a while.
Now you know, he will target others.
Be very, very kind to yourself and go share this with a psychotherapist who knows about narcissists and who can help you deal with the psychological damage.
My heart goes out to you. xx
That is extremely insightful Pandora
I’m going to read up on Narcissists, coverts, overts, the cycles and the narcissistic supply now.
Its exactly the information I needed.
Thank you!
xx
Pandora I’ve spent the past few hours reading about NPD and recovery from the trauma of being in a relationship with someone who has it and it made so much sense. Thank you.
I always wondered why this last one was so difficult to break up with and why even after 3 months of no contact, he’d know exactly when and how to come lovebombing back into my psyche and why invariably the gaslighting would start too. The cyclical nature of the relationship was so depleting but I never understood why it was like that until now. I assumed it was “our karmic tie” and just how things were with “us” but I can see it so clearly now.
Thanks again, this was perfect timing.
xx
Hey gorgeous Invicta
I hadn’t checked back on this post but I have heaps – literally heaps of stuff – I can send you on this, because I have been deeply immersed in it – revelations galore – ie that there are coverts, and their tactics for several months.
I too think this is highly relevant to you, having followed your posts over the last few years. We have more in common than you may think, on so many levels.
Too many links to great stuff to put here – I will ask Mystic to give you access to my email if you are interested and want to ask her for it, and then I can send you the whole lot, which come from all over the net.
You rock, honey xx
Oh wow.
I just woke up to an email from the lovely Andalusia on your behalf. I’ve passed on my work and personal email and am so touched by the emotional generosity.
Thank you.
This kindness reflects the beacon of sanity that Mystic consistently generates for all of us.
x
Hey Pandora
Not sure if you’re checking back on this post.
It’s unlikely but I wanted to say hi.
I did pass on my details to Andalusia so any time you’re ready, I’d love to check out that info you mentioned.
Bought several books of NPD and while they are interesting and informative, there isn’t much about covert narcissists and how to deal with and spot that better.
Hope all is good with you.
xxx
So sorry you went through this, Moon Woman, but, seriously, you dodged a bullet here.
I’ve never heard of future faking ? Though I can see the strategy. It’s nothIng new. In fact it’s textbook sales strategy 101. A strategy that I’ve used to close business for years. In sales language it’s called ‘assumptive selling’.
The idea is that when you present to a prospective client you talk as if the deal is already done. You talk about issues that may arise, say in 12 months time. You talk about the things that will come after.. It’s very powerful actually. By assuming it’s already a done deal the prospect starts feeling the same way. He or she doesn’t have to say ‘yes’ or go ahead. The close of the sale then comes down to , so do you like the red one or the blue one. There is no other choice.
Clearly this to be used in a quick turnaround business situation. Not with people’s hearts.
I’m so sorry moon woman x
Remember you did have the realization that love is still in your heart and that you can have a soul love. This guy is not worth the worry, but maybe your real partner is around the corner x don’t be hardened by this !
Sending love to you Moon Woman. You are love and your love will only heal your love. I think that’s why this all happened. You needed to heal yourself first and you have true love now knowing you can.
What a beautiful response.
Nice to ‘see you David! 😀
And well said.
Dear Moon Woman,
Welcome – you have come to the right place! I went through something similar with a guy from work. Strong attraction, lunches together, lots of fun emails back and forth. Then casually mentions he has a partner and she is five months pregnant. I do some internet searching and find her instagram account and they look like they have a perfect hipster life together. Sigh. It was the first guy I had liked in five years, after getting out of a 10 year relationship around my Saturn return (me dumped, devastated). Work guy was was around 40 and going through a bit of a midlife crisis too. Said he wasn’t fussed about having kids, at times he didn’t even really want to be in the relationship, but his partner really wanted a baby. He didn’t care either way (this seems like such a “weak man” thing to say to me). I then read that it is common for guys to cheat on their pregnant partners as they feel left out and are getting less attention, and their sex lives might have gone downhill. And it also probably makes them question their youth and their lives etc. I was disappointed, but he didn’t take things as far as your guy. We were friends, I wondered if there could be more, and felt a bit bad about myself and stupid after. e.g. Even if he didn’t have a partner he wouldn’t like me anyway. And stupid for being a love zombie. Ah well. We should both consider ourselves lucky!!! I am so sorry you have gone through this crappy experience – even when you know it is for the best it still hurts like a f&cker!!! I tell myself that this guy wasn’t for me because he was a bit of a dick and also the next guy I am actually meant to be with will be AVAILABLE lol. Hang in there and focus on YOU not THEM.
Future Fakers – how could I have forgotten that description? They come in so many forms from the outright to the oblique but they are all cut from the same cloth and they all love the ATTENTION, not you.
I think quite a few of us are shaking off remnants of FF’s. Even my last LZ crush was one on the low and what sucks is that I knew it from the jump, forgot about him while he chased me when he saw me than when I turned around because I thought I read him wrong he went a-running. Except in the same vicinity he just LOVED the flirting and compliments and ish and would talk about what WE would wear to future functions and all that mess. Mine still haunts my head but thank Goddess I had the discipline not to go a-chasing. It’s all about mutuality in my Universe these days but that damn Pisces Moon not to mention having Neptune in my 7th I can get VERY delusional and outright ignore my gut (which is ALWAYS right – ALWAYS).
I know it doesn’t feel like it but the synchronicity of accidentally turning up and seeing him with a pregnant WIFE was the biggest horrible body chills blessing you could imagine. I know what it’s like to be spiritually shocked by someone you SWORE you shared a connection with. But sadly, it wasn’t. Because if it was REALLY that good? It would have happened. People leave people all the time for other people. They happily divorce spouses to create a life with someone they are CONVINCED are the one. It happens all the damn time. So when folks make excuses? It’s just excuses. Because folks love distractions. They love adventure – on their schedule. Within their boundaries. Without forsaking what they built with another. If he’s faking it with her, he faked it with you. And it fucking SUCKS to hear it, but when you heal and you’re in the middle of mutuality with someone who is THERE with you, trust me, you will be RELIEVED this shit went down like it did. And what IS awesome is you did NOT share your body. Because I tells ya, Moonchild, if you had you would be in worst shape.
Sending much love, and much healing, and many good things to and for you <3
I did not know they had a name – future faker. Wow. Thanks for helping me name the past year & a bit of my life.
But back to the situation – you are much better off now. You will suddenly find strengths you knew you had but didn’t full appreciate. Whatever delusion or negative crutch you had will suddenly drop away.
You’re about to become a butterfly – but you had to realise what you weren’t first.
Power to you moon woman x
“You will find strengths you knew you had (maybe ones even unrealised?) but didn’t fully appreciate…”
Is this like innocence without any guile?
I relate, and if I could impart anything possibly worthwhile it would be – were there any possible clues, that were missed? Or rather what was not there, that may be a clue?
But importantly I think it interesting that sometimes people become enamoured by someone they perceive as valuing them greatly or mirroring back a kind of validity they could not get previously…
And its my experience that maybe I was possibly vulnerable b/c I did not value myself enough to be immune to the lack of transparency given?
This is to show up any shadow issue; people play games, whether its deplorable or not, how do we protect ourselves from the damage to our psyche…In this case I am speaking of even so called friends who invade or thieve energy, identity, creativity…
Our boundaries, where our sense of self begins and ends, ebbs and flows…We can take stock of where we have been authentic, where you kept your integrity and authenticity is a kind of shield in itself.
All the best to you Moon woman, I hope you can nurture yourself in the way you would love to be, from a cancer moon person (transiting venus is visiting my moon at present) xxx
Aqua-cap-gemini I agree, below was for moon woman, but yes – about to become a butterfly is a lovely way to think of all this…thank you x
I didn’t know they had a name either–and likewise, this explains the stupid dance I’ve had for two years (ended a year ago) with (also) a much older gentleman.
Thankfully, he proved untrustworthy within the month and so I consciously never set up any life plans around him….but we’d get close and then he’d run cold, get close then run cold–and TOTALLY acted like it was just me making more out of it than he had. I’d be like, um, do you want to SEE the emails? There’s written, verifiable proof.
WTAF? Who *are* these people? I had no idea they were so ubiquitous!
Moon Woman – YES GIRL. Kudos for surviving with even a modicum of grace. Obsession is part of the grieving/healing so you sound like you are where you should be. And here is the best place for thriving through weird out of character transits! Huge hugs and believe in what you know- that HE was the one doing the dirt. As a Capricorn- I say tell his wife, anonymously even, but that is perhaps another bombshell to take on- maybe wait for a Lilith transit 😉
I was in a relationship with a future faker as well- I moved across the world to his home country on my own after he spent six months begging (and we living together in mine) and confessing love- only for him to fly home a few days early and abandon me at the airport and never arrive to pick me up – where I found out he was ten years older than he’d stated, had a live-in girlfriend of many years (who lived in his family home! With his mum etc) and with a blithe text “why are you so grumpy I never said you were my girlfriend” – never a word since. Five years later I still live in his country- going strong! Still single but with a business of my own that I love. So – you will survive and thrive. X
Wow. Ups to you. That’s a massive change to make and I’m glad you are thriving.
Happened to me twice – thrive on 🙂
It was quite surreal reading this as something similar happened to me (also as older capricorn). We had quite a bit of contact at work and it took me a year after everything ended to change jobs and cities, wish I had moved sooner! Thinking of you Moon Woman.
Mystic, future faker is the perfect description!
This is a horrible thing, Moon Woman. I’ll echo the sentiments above though – you did dodge a bullet. I hope you can stay open to love, and I’m sure there is someone out there for you not dragging around a dead albeit pregnant relationship. I can’t help but feel for his wife-to-be too. It’s no fun being lied to, and at some point or another the truth will come out, as it tends to.
Mine has a really high public profile. We had no physical contact but close friends could not believe the chemistry and said they had never seen anything like it between two people. It led me to break up my super long-term relationship (because I had never felt that good about myself, that someone respected me and my brain). He is still with his wife. Screws around with anyone who says yes. Propositions many others. I (sort of) dodged a bullet. Found a beautiful life coach to help me understand why it was all happening. I do take heart from how it made me re-evaluate my life and I am on a path I would not have been on. Two children’s lives disrupted, but we are good. Wrote my deepest feelings in a journal, to get them out of my head. Sometimes I wonder what I would do if he came to my door…as my psychic says he will. Nurture yourself. Honour your feelings as they were genuine at the time. You deserve the best. You are worthy of love and respect. Always remember that and breathe deeply that you are not the one who has to live with him.
Shame babe. Feeling your heartache. You’ll survive this x
God the temptation to break the stem off the champagne glass and inflict a facial injury on him must have been immense.
How’s that for a Pluto transit.
He’ll probably come bleating back after the baby is born, maybe.
Wait I have an idea : D
You could give him a book about relationships and fatherhood in the Secret Santa office Christmas festivities. For under $10, of course. Dirty deeds done dirt cheap just the way low capricorns like it.
I was thinking though. Talking about an ‘exit strategy’ for 12 months without evidence of anything is kind of alarm bells territory. But, but. When in the throes – Pluto throes… I get it I do, this is not judgement here.
Yeah, I agree. I think Moon Woman was a bit of a love zombie (I have been one myself many times, I have a sun/neptune conjunction in my 7th house so mean no disrespect!!!) and got sucked in my this guy’s bullsh*t. One of those things you can look back on in hindsight – “okay, it’s been a year and he’s still with his partner. Maybe he is never going to leave her”.
Such a difficult experience… A hard lesson in not listening to people’s words but listening to their actions. Totally feel for her, that is never an easy lesson to do xxx
not at all Pi, it’s important for reflection and realisation. Also this guy sounds gutless and he lacks honour but it also sounds like Neptune was involved. One year is looooong. They could have been a little bit more realistic on both sides. Hello Saturn! Of course I feel for you Moon Woman! It’s a compelling story, shocking, well written and who can’t empathise! I hope you heal and can grow from it 🙂
wow…kudos to you that you have managed not to succumb to “accidently” leaking your correspondences to the wife (not that Ive ever done such things, but it would be tempting!)…Then again, maybe it would be in her best interests to know and have the opportunity to get out asap…
Yes, nothing like having all the chickens come home to roost…
Yes. He’s not an honourable person, and he’s probably distancing himself in the hope that you don’t drop a bomb on his relationship. But Pluto takes no prisoners.
I’m with you guys. I would sure want to know if I was with this cowardly bastard who thinks women exist for him to use as angst absorbers. Then again, walking away and allowing karma to sort itself out on its own has its merits as well. Maybe, Moon Woman, there is a lesson here for you in subconsciously attracting emotionally unavailable men, since you knew he was not 100% available? Was it possibly a self worth issue that you can now rectify? Pluto is psychologically transformative and opp your sun/Venus, your self worth is at play here. Phoenix up, love. You are miles above this bottom dweller and all this dross will continue to burn off as the Pluto insights keep coming in. Let. Him. Go. <3
Dear Moon Woman, I am soooo there with you. Stay strong and fuq the bastard off. And take heart that you are outta there. I’ve been through the same thing as you, with a narcissistic prick. In the end, his other girlfriend dumped him – and she STILL does not know about our relationship – she dumped him for other reasons. (Crazy, I know..).So after she dumped him, he came mooning back to me… Never found anything sweeter than turning him down THAT time. If this happens to you, and this dick comes back into your life, do NOT be sucked back into the vortex of lies and misery. Just stay strong. You are better off away from this massive qi vamping situation. No question at all. You WILL find someone else, someone who honours you and treats you as the beautiful Queen that you are. Sending you love and healing vibes. Stay strong! xxx
From one Cancerian woman who also had the gross misfortune of experiencing a Future Faker to another, YOU ARE THE WINNER in this situation, even though it doesn’t feel like it for now. This will take a tonne of time/ retail therapy/ diet blowouts, whatever it takes to exorcise this eejit from your head and beautiful, tender heart. Just focus on the fact that you now know the reality of the situation and can start to let go, unlike his wife who remains veiled under his lies. Whatever course their relationship takes, whatever lies he decides to tell is NOT. YOUR. PROBLEM.
Sending a million hugs, Moon Woman. Here’s to some protective time in your safe shell xx
Yes exactly. He is a very unevolved human being. And the deep dark hole you will now have to dig your way out of will make you even more radiant than you already are. And I know for a fact in the future you will look back on him with pity. And by the way – after your romantic feelings for him subside you will feel extremely ANGRY. He did something really, REALLY shitty and amoral to you and as the recipient human should feel pissed.
BTW – Reading about attachment theory helped me with this situation when I went through it and gave me some tips about how to proceed in future.
I agree. Is moon women need truth with our love.
I also experienced a future faker although mine was Libra. Since then I have also experienced a real future man. He has shown me what I was seeking in a partner isn’t unrealistic.
Mystic is right, let him go in any way you can. It’s so worth it when you come out from the fog.
Even though we aren’t zombies I found it helpful to treat myself as though I was. Read Love Zombie and check out baggagereclaim.com. These two things helped me no end and now when he texts (yes he still does – it’s a Qi Vamp thing, I am sure) it’s so easy to ignore, delete, or if I’m in a mood, play with him a little ?
So much love and the hugest hugs to you. I know where you are and I honour how hard this is. Go gently and treat yourself kindly. This is a breakup for you, respect yourself as though it is beautiful! ????
Wow, what an awful story. How in hell did you manage to stay at the event for longer than a minute? And also, not vomit in public? As a Pisces, I would have probably drank 100 litres of alcohol and abused the guy then drunkenly hacked his email account or sent anonymous messages to hurt his career (that’s how you hurt a Capricorn, I think). NOT that i am advocating revenge, but i would have entertained highly creative scenarios to exact it.
You dodged a bullet, big time. Doesn’t take the hurt away though. Big love to you. X
That’s really hard Moon Woman, and I agree with Ali, what dignity and incredible composure you showed under fire. Like Mystic said, the snooze button is off now, let the healing begin. All power to ya xxx
Dear Moon Woman,
Move on, take sabbatical, do whatever you have to do to get this prick out of you head and heart.
As HARD as it is, realise he is just not up to scratch.
You were probably not his only ‘midlife crisis’, if you catch my drift. So when you are merely an option (to him), why make him a priority.
Most of all, forgive yourself and do not blame yourself for any of this (not saying you do, but preempting) You are genuine and therefore read him as being same. You could not have foreseen this Fake Fuq.
The very fact that he has NOT been in contact with you after that night to at least explain or apologise for his sleaziness, is a neon sign to you. It is so over (and for him it was all about him – he DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOU), and as Mystic says – be glad you are not having a baby with this monumentall fuqwit!
There will be other ‘midlife crises’ and trust me, you don’t want this drama in your life especially when kids are in the picture.
Invest your precious time emotions love into yourself first, and if you ever again meet someone ‘confused’ as him about ‘dead’ relationships, run a mile.
Sending you much strength.
Love sucks. Xxx
great advice and summary!
Reading your story Moon Woman, I am reminded of the Capricorn motto “I Use”.
totally
Ah haaaaa. “I use”, I have never heard this motto but I am surrounded by Capricorns at work and this explains so much.
Wow… What an illusion bust. Love, love, love to you, Moon Woman. You sound like you handled it with regal dignity. That is deeply arseholic treatment. Sending you a huge burst of support. xxx
Agree. Talk about Revelation. So much respect for you. Rest assured that you have a huge community rooting for you to rise, rise, rise and reclaim your wholeness.
Yeh wow! Puts my shenanigans as a flash, not worth the effort. I would have fallen hard for this.
Thank goddess it was the beautiful Cancerienne Letter Writer extraordinaire (you know the Katakan artistry and delicate finesse pinging on a soul chord).
I’ll bet anyone could tell you he had never seen such a vision of loveliness. That shut him up for decades..or until he has to deal with no sex and a no sleep and a seriously cranky but gorgeous partner, in her burgeoning motherhood. How could he leave that..?
So noone else but a beautiful Katakan woman could deliver his message. And the beautiful woman goes on and on being a beautiful woman, leaving a trail of devastated beauties in her quivering, self-actualising wake xxx
Cancer Femmes rock, by the way.
Moon Woman
So I read the whole email, rather than scanning it nervously and skipping up and down fact checking:) and I can say for sure that yes, he WILL be contacting you in September. It will probably go something like this “I’ve just become a father. I feel so fortunate and want to be the best father/ man/ womble I can be and be faithful etc, live by example etc. This communication will include a heartbreaking apology followed by the “this one time at band camp” story about how someone hurt him long ago and now he is “conflicted”. He will also say that he fell in love with you and has never felt that way about anyone and that he meant everything he said. If pressed, will say that Primary Partner and he were breaking up but the pregnancy just “happened” and here’s where he convincingly plays The Good Guy too. The implication is that he stayed for the kid but his heart is with you. He won’t say that in September though, that will come six to nine months later.
Hopefully, you haven’t stayed in touch and mistaken this Qi Vamp for “a friend” or the One True Love That Could Not Be and have gotten rid of him and initiated No Contact.
I say all this with a lot of love and zero judgement as obviously I know from whence I squeak.
xxx
sounds dead on invicta!
So good! “this one time at band camp” LMAO!!!
I must remember to use the word “womble” more often. LOL.
Sage advice though – I wish I had that advice a few years back
Ha ha
thanks PIABs
Yes, I’ll try to use womble in a sentence today.
The “one time at band camp” meme is trickier to slip into convos but when I can it is so worth it!
xxxx
Wow, I couldn’t even read the whole email (just was so familiar it could have been me writing- as in KNEE SURGERY? WHEN? omg it’s my lz crush, oh no wait, he’s not Capricorn type racing thoughts ) before skipping down to read MM’s take and YES!
She tells you about Natalie Lue in the first few sentences.
Genius.
Because it would have been my prescription too (so naturally it’s genius:)
Wow, well done for holding your own that night and not reacting / unravelling until you got home. I don’t know how you managed but well done.
Future faking is tough to cope with when you’re feeling all that stuff.
I had a “situation” which was so scarily similar to what you describe that I genuinely thought you’d run into “my” future faking “soulmate” ex who never became a lover but squatted in premium space within my psyche.
It’s HARD and you are doing magnificently.
Well done for how you handled it and for sharing it.
Just keep handling and sharing, and look up Natalie Lue, she is the boss of relationship literacy.
You just made me laugh If you read above my future faker came back three years later, it was all about his kids blah blah. I can honestly say now, looking back he was the biggest disappointment I ever ever had in my life. Massive attraction, huge electricity, chemistry etc but sex was crap, as he simply couldn’t commit to any intimacy. So so disappointing. This is literally 18 years ago it started and now I wouldn’t bother saying hi if I passed him in the street Just not worth the energy.
Others have been an utter nightmare but you felt a sincerity in the mire and got to grips with stuff you need to sort but these guys are energy vortex Just yuk
Ah Emg
So sorry you had to experience that.
sounds like you/we’re not alone tho eh?
it IS creepy how although, yes we are all different but how similar our experiences seem to be.
I never had sex with my future faking ex zombie crush pseudo soulmate but I may as well have for all the energy I put into that “relationship”
I – and this is just me, but I can now see that it was convenient for me to cling to him for so long as I got to slip my emotional availability issues in under the door quietly while his more overt and obvious ones took centre stage. I was quite traumatised from messy childhood stuff and also a series of dodgy relationships with Mr Unavailables of every variety from the clearly damaged/addicted/deranged/sleazy guys to your bog standard, straight up sociopaths, stalkers and narcissists. Tumultuous relationships followed by show-stopping break ups which often left me homeless, jobless, penniless etc, I just accepted (unconsciously ) that that was how relationships WERE. I knew that they weren’t that way for everyone so assumed I must be “cursed” or deficient somehow and thus brought it upon myself (which I kind of did, but again, unconsciously…
Hmm
So I built some seriously high walls and created a situation where it was basically impossible to be in a loving monogamous relationship, and then naturally I met my “soulmate” and all that had to happen (after I found out) for us to be together was for him to leave his girlfriend.
Meaning basically I got off scot free and took no responsibility for anything. Even choosing him to begin with (it didn’t feel like I had a choice) or going back for more pain every time I had to face my own discomfort or deal with the grief at things not going as he’d promised or letting myself grieve for the future he’d promised me which I’d allowed myself to believe in. In reality, it wasn’t just him and “our” future I was avoiding grieving, it was every single shitty break up and heartbreak I’d ever had, including Daddy darling and Dr Freud or whatever…
You know, it was MY script.
It was me all along.
I’m only saying this to fill in the gaps and add some perspective (again this is just me) but I feel like by acknowledging that I am empowered.
It’s still a work in progress and I don’t always feel as self-assured as I’m coming across tonight but things ARE improving and I am in recovery from being a fallback girl, dreamer in a fantasy relationship with Mr Unavailable so probably will be single for a very long time. I’m ok with it and just resigned to more Pilates, my own mental health, writing, reading, even painting, definitely budgeting. Feel very Saturn’s girl and Pluto in Cap lately, in a good way.
This is THE BEST FULL MOON EVER.
It’s on my ascendant, the galactic centre (yay me!) and I’m feeling so sure of myself and my choices.
I’ve actually never experienced a full moon as good before. Usually, when they are linked to one of my major planets they feel horrible and bring uncomfortable realisations but this one is just YEAH.
xxx
You ascend at galactic centre ??? It’s my mid heaven !!!!!
Yup.
Happy full moon 🙂
It’s been good actually. A good vibe and a feeling of strength. Go us!!