Self-Mastery With Asteroid Gary

Undaunted by challenge, the Aries-Gary person will front up to anything except a form to fill out. Intrepid at the mall, intrepid in bed, they’ll always help out if asked or even if they’re not asked. Moving house with one of them is terrifying: they’ll attempt to break speed records and order anyone ‘dawdling’ to ‘stand down.’

Their body is psychic: a left finger that twitches when an odd request is about to arrive, hair on end in advance of trouble etc. They’re like medieval soothsayers with nail art or an infinity playlist of ambient electronica/Iron Maiden. Also: deifies food:particularly the pizza/pasta spectrum + work. Impinge an opportunity for them to eat or earn and you’ll know all about it.

Is rumored to play the sound of their voice in full rapid burbling monologue to soothe them to sleep at night. Guaranteed to be witty. Competitve anecdote teller and freaker-outer at silence or taciturn people. Gary in Gemini people specialize in quoting you back at yourself but with embellishments and reattribution.

Incredibly sensible with money and a shocker if short-changed or over-charged yet will blow ludicrous loot to acquire Aztec artifacts, rocks with extra-galactic energy fields etc. Ask a Gary in Cancer person about their secret pacts with the Moon/the Cat kingdom or the secret stream that they’ve dowsed running under a local motorway.

Their leisure-wear is high-concept and they’re not so much self-assured as self-awarded: eg: Gary in Leo people will augment their sporadic attendance at high school Taekwondo into a situation where they provided lethal aid to save a village. Don’t mention any problems with their hair or their relationship with the person they have deemed a Great Love – ever.

Virgo Vision channeled through a Gary sensibility emerges as fix-it genius. Things are taken apart and then re-assembled or, if they can’t be put back together, used for parts. It can be frustrating when it was a brand new item but it is how they meditate. Even when they’re on the couch, acquiring future one-up info from history docos, they’re planning a zealous fix it job.

Gary in Libra people are diplomats who see themselves as conflict resolvers/advanced negotiators etc but they accomplish most of what they want by sleeping with people/acting as if they’re transfixed with lust and subtle blackmail. They’re a mine of beauty/ageless aging intel but you never know if what they tell you is psy-ops or not.

Asteroid Gary people are good at acting normal but quietly working on vast secret projects – building an ark in their suburban garage or citizen crime solving via zealous examination of digital micro-clues. Hypnosis and/or Annunaki sex magic – yes, they subscribed to the ten-set encyclopedia – are just side-hobbies.

Road-trippers at heart, they have the soundtrack and the wheels: or they will when they have completed their latest financial acrobatics. Gary in Sagittarius people are great at pontificating on the beach or when in motion – they can’t think when standing/sitting still. They think every seagull is Jonathan Livingston.

Gary in Capricorn people aren’t boastful – they let the bling do the talking. Or their new networked thorium-motor coffee machine. Good at memorizing pertinent passages from popular success guides, they strive to advise and mentor those around them. Then they strut around high-strung and indignant at all the people now reliant on their input.

Asteroid Gary in Aquarius means you’re up to date on the latest UFOlogy and conspiracy hypothesis but it’s also the most likely Gary sign to get into control-dramas, the antithesis to Garyian consciousness. Friends are only receptive to their theories when they’re high – it’s an ongoing frustration but they work around it via multiple online identities.

No matter how high-faluting their work or aspirations, Gary in Pisces people are most comfortable in classic Gary-wear: acid-washed jeans, home-dyed hair or something obvious about their appearance that is the result of a recent ‘experiment’ and multi-purpose glittery gunk. Consciously or not they identify as ‘young’ and like to think of themselves as eternally ‘cool.’