The eerie thing about asteroids in Astrology is that they can be relevant. They’re one of those factors that technically should not work – like, say, homeopathy – but often do. Few are more technically irrelevant than asteroid Gary, yet Gary is often SO pertinent.
For example, Gary is currently conjunct Venus, and this uppity asteroid will be conjunct Mars then Pluto in early March. What does it mean? Asteroid Gary is where you’re against pretension and prefer streamlined solutions to complex explanations.
As I said in a previous post on Gary: Gary lends a certain stone-washed masculine braggadocio to any persona or circumstance. Asteroid Gary is simplicity itself, and Gary is where you’re basic. You like going to the mall with your jeans fitting right and good hair. You prefer globally branded food and beverage products or hand-prepared meals composed of commodities such as bread and a spread. You like sunny weather, your velour couch, a good laugh, and sexual release.
‘Fuq It‘ Is A Gary Affirmation
People with asteroid Gary prominent in their birth charts cannot parse pomposity but, if they knew what it was, they’d dislike it. Or dissolve it by their very presence. Although unlikely to espouse a specific religion or new age belief, Gary people have rites: For example, they often blend a basic banishing spell with an affirmative statement: A scornful sigh followed by the almost ritualistic intonation of ‘fuq it.’
Other strong Gary traits: The ability to quickly attain a trance-like semi-consciousness state if forced to listen to complex, contradictory constructs. An irrational but compelling belief that politicians and related characters are all clones of one another.
Asteroid Gary Is Currently In Capricorn
The desire for minimalist relaxation routines – e.g., noise-canceling DJ style headphones and a maximum bass playlist that cultural arbiters would ban on five continents. An ability to speedily rejuvenate via sleep, orgasm, or a party. To qualify, the latter needs to feature either a fully-clothed dive into a swimming pool or a Dreamweed-fuelled deep conversation with another hot guest in the kitchen. If they turn out to be the dishwasher, so what?
If you’ve been feeling your inner Gary more in recent weeks, perhaps it’s because of this asteroid’s laconic anti-authoritarian stance? Gary doesn’t like getting letters from the local council or penalty notices from parking Illuminati, let alone anything more elaborate.
ASTEROID GARY IN ARIES
Undaunted by challenge, the Aries-Gary person will front up to anything except a form to fill out. Intrepid at the mall, intrepid in bed, they’ll always help out if asked or even if they’re not asked. Moving house with one of them is terrifying: they’ll attempt to break speed records and order anyone ‘dawdling’ to ‘stand down.’
ASTEROID GARY IN TAURUS
Their body is psychic: a left finger that twitches when an odd request is about to arrive, hair on end in advance of trouble etc. They’re like medieval soothsayers with nail art or an infinity playlist of ambient electronica/Iron Maiden. Also: deifies food:particularly the pizza/pasta spectrum + work. Impinge an opportunity for them to eat or earn and you’ll know all about it.
ASTEROID GARY IN GEMINI
Is rumored to play the sound of their voice in full rapid burbling monologue to soothe them to sleep at night. Guaranteed to be witty. Competitve anecdote teller and freaker-outer at silence or taciturn people. Gary in Gemini people specialize in quoting you back at yourself but with embellishments and reattribution.
ASTEROID GARY IN CANCER
Incredibly sensible with money and a shocker if short-changed or over-charged yet will blow ludicrous loot to acquire Aztec artifacts, rocks with extra-galactic energy fields etc. Ask a Gary in Cancer person about their secret pacts with the Moon/the Cat kingdom or the secret stream that they’ve dowsed running under a local motorway.
ASTEROID GARY IN LEO
Their leisure-wear is high-concept and they’re not so much self-assured as self-awarded: eg: Gary in Leo people will augment their sporadic attendance at high school Taiekwondo into a situation where they provided lethal aid to save a village. Don’t mention any problems with their hair or their relationship with the person they have deemed Great Love – ever.
ASTEROID GARY IN VIRGO
Virgo Vision channeled through a Gary sensibility emerges as fix-it genius. Things are taken apart and then re-assembled or, if they can’t be put back together, used for parts. It can be frustrating when it was a brand new item but it is how they meditate. Even when they’re on the couch, acquiring future one-up info from history docos, they’re planning a zealous fix it job.
ASTEROID GARY IN LIBRA
Gary in Libra people are diplomats who see themselves as conflict resolvers/advanced negotiators etc but they accomplish most of what they want by sleeping with people/acting as if they’re transfixed with lust and subtle blackmail. They’re a mine of beauty/ageless aging intel but you never know if what they tell you is psy-ops or not.
ASTEROID GARY IN SCORPIO
Asteroid Gary people are good at acting normal but quietly working on vast secret projects – building an ark in their suburban garage or citizen crime solving via zealous examination of digital micro-clues. Hypnosis and/or Annunaki sex magic – yes, they subscribed to the ten-set encyclopedia are just side-hobbies.
ASTEROID GARY IN SAGGO
Road-trippers at heart, they have the soundtrack and the wheels: or they will when they have completed their latest financial acrobatics. Gary in Sagittarius people are great at pontificating on the beach or when in motion – they can’t think when standing/sitting still. They think every seagull is Jonathan Livingston.
ASTEROID GARY IN CAPRICORN
Gary in Capricorn people aren’t boastful – they let the bling do the talking. Or their new networked thorium-motor coffee machine. Good at memorizing pertinent passages from popular success guides, they strive to advise and mentor those around them. Then they strut around high-strung and indignant at all the people now reliant on their input.
ASTEROID GARY IN AQUARIUS
Asteroid Gary in Aquarius means you’re up to date on the latest UFOlogy and conspiracy hypothesis but it’s also the most likely Gary sign to get into control-dramas, the antithesis to Garyian consciousness. Friends are only receptive to their theories when they’re high – it’s an ongoing frustration but they work around it via multiple online identities.
ASTEROID GARY IN PISCES
No matter how high-faluting their work or aspirations, Gary in Pisces people are most comfortable in classic Gary-wear: acid-washed jeans, home-dyed hair or something obvious about their appearance that is the result of a recent ‘experiment’ and multi-purpose glittery gunk. Consciously or not they identify as ‘young’ and like to think of themselves as eternally ‘cool.’