Liminal Love Weirding

This is not a love story, it’s a ghost story…Let’s call it a liminal love scenario with paranormal undertones.

On October 7th I found out that a former boyfriend had died and that it was last year. I’d say that it was weird I discovered this via Twitter/X but that’s how these things play out. Nobody formally ‘notifies’ liminal lovers – you have an undeclared interest. Or maybe it’s like one of those ‘off-the-books’ spy agency escapades.

After a passionate actual-legit relationship in our early 20s, we ended up living on opposite sides of the country and married to other people. He’d flicker in and out of my life on his own mysterious metaphysical rhythm, eventually evolving into the ultimate Neptunian Boyfriend.

As a multiple conjunct Pisces, he was highly qualified for the role  – a fluid, charming Chaos Agent and epic raconteur who was just attentive enough to make you glad not to be the one married to him but never really there there. I was surprised to see he’d passed because he’d seemed so anti-fragile – tall, handsome, funny as fuq, a vibe-lifter in any room.

For a relationship that happened when we were so young and which was largely based on each of us thinking the other enormously attractive, we actually had a pretty good friendship and it evolved into a unique rapport. Sure, he’d turn up like the Cat in the Hat, whip up enthusiasm for ridiculous benders and piss off whatever husband or boyfriend I had at the time but even they would end up saying he was a ‘top bloke.’

I would never have wanted to ‘be’ with him but I didn’t realize that the last time I saw him was actually the last time I would see him.

So on the afternoon of October 7, I went for an afternoon siesta with a glum heart and when I awoke it was late afternoon. Then the weirdest thing happened: I felt the slight ‘slide-out’ of my usual self that usually precedes a vision or supernatural moment but it was nowhere like the usual phenom. The soft shadowy violet darkness of the twilight was being overwhelmed by a different kind of darkness, unmistakably menacing and seeming to spread quickly, creeping into the center like a sudden tide.

For a split second I wondered if this was to do with my Neptunian boyfriend but swiftly realized it was way beyond him or me. This was bad, as in bad enough for me to leap out of bed, screech something naff like “begone,”put all the lights on and sage/sistrum the fuq out of the room.

Shaken, I found my daughter and said ‘something horrible has happened in the world, something beyond the norm.’  Unperturbed but curious, she grabbed her phone to check – “nothing unusual, politicians saying…oh wait” she said. “Some guy seems to have gone over the Isreal border on a hang-glider, what the fuq…?

My automatic associations of hang-gliders were clearly rooted in Seventies ads I saw as a child or something because for a moment I visualized a fabulously benign version of this scenario  – an influencer trying to look cool or a daredevil stunt gone awry, cue free publicity etc.

But sadly, as we know, no. I stood there, still spooked by the substance I’d seen snaking around the corners of my room, watching my daughter’s face change as update after update flashed up on the screen.

Later that evening I found the most recent email from my Neptunian Boyfriend – I don’t think I replied as I thought he’d sent it when he was drunk or high. Or if I did reply, it was with a funny one-liner suggesting he can’t have much work on at the moment.

While he was always witty and an amazing writer, this email read more like disjointed notes for a nostalgic short story based on reality – “the pub by the beach you made me walk ten kilometres to get to…”, “your weird house with the phone box outside,” “nocturnal thunder, your cat…”

It kind of trailed off and I was aghast thinking he’d written it when ill or even when he knew he was dying and I hadn’t picked up on it. But then I realized that the sent date on the email was nine weeks after he’d passed. Naturally the ‘sensible’ explanation is that someone had closed down his email account and everything in draft form sent automatically- a Mercury Retrograde computer phenomenon.

But then I thought that if anyone could figure out a way to tap into the email system from the afterworld, it would be him. I think a lot of people have these liminal love scenarios going on – they’re not part of the official relationship apparatus and their feelings or any bereavement are practically alt-dimensional.

It doesn’t need to have even involved romantic love – some lives merge at significant times or a person has an outsize influence on you; neither of you show up on the other’s records, social media, whatever but it was there and magic – it matters.


24 thoughts on “Liminal Love Weirding”

  1. I’m so sorry to hear this and it is easy to nod to the nostalgia of it all – but there is something so specific about a loss that involved a magical connection and when you can’t acknowledge it in the ‘real’ world – it just has to be processed through you in a layered and esoteric way – and is like a solo quest that is difficult to explain. I am sure it brings up all sorts of alternate possible life timelines – and especially the ‘out of time email’ shows that! I do think grief is a very specific process that rewires the body and brain – it can’t help but change you. xx

  2. I really enjoyed this, how multifaceted we all are and how there are so many versions of relationships.. I think yours was special for so many reasons xx

  3. “spooked by the substance I’d seen snaking around the corners of my room”

    I would like to hear thoughts on this. I had a similar experience. Deeply relaxed, fixating on an obsession/bad element. I felt I had resolved it if not logically, emotionally and exhaled from my chest a black ectoplasm that hovered at the top of a doorway. It was smoky, and my sudden thought of others in the house was enough to direct it around the doorway. I shook myself and left the house.

    It was a strange experience, and the year-long love zombie obsession was poof, gone.

    I wish I could release other hangups.

    1. We love you, Mystic. This is an amazing story in many ways. I’m sorry to hear of your loss. I can only begin to amazing what an otherworldly romance it would have been for your Piscean self to be with a multiple Piscean. Absolutely riveting piece of writing! Yay for your daughter being there for comfort. x

  4. This is such a beautiful perceptive post–an honoring of your old flame, and of all these kinds of tricky charged but not conventionally recognized/central bonds and affinities that so deeply shape our inner lives. What a beautiful honoring of your loss and this spirit. Sending care + empathy. In a larger sense, I love when you post in this kind of discursive, wise, introspective personal way and on the bigger resonances that always cross our intimate lives (when this came in; or I’m thinking of your amazing Pluto into Cap glassy restaurant with a Gemini post some months ago). We need more of this kind of emotionally frank, deep, and spiritually wise stories between women. Means a lot as I navigate the shoals and depths and potentials of my own personal life.

    So, deepest thanks for sharing <3 <3 <3

    1. Agreed with everything you say, Embarkons7!
      And I also loved the post about the first day of Pluto into Capricorn, they way it described the Zeitgeist (with the detail of the many bottles of pricey sparkling water on the tables of the restaurant) and the personal experiences Mystic had on that day. It brought me back to that year and think about how I moved among the changing times, giving me a new perspective on the past

  5. The Lion & The Centaur

    I just read The Signs by Laura Lynne Jackson and there were many stories of spirits managing to send texts or even photos. I’m sure it was creepy but it’s also beautiful and poetic if it was actually him and not someone else sending the message.

  6. “Neither of you show up on the other’s records, social media, whatever but it was there and magic – it matters.”
    This is beautiful Mystic. Thank you, and sorry for your loss <3

  7. Deepest condolences on your loss Mystic. And what an amazing dream – it reminded me of Carl Jung’s famous dreams prior to the outbreak WWI. He saw rivers freezing and blood flowing and had a terrible sense of foreboding. He also woke up knowing something terrible was creeping it’s way into our consciousness.

  8. I totally understand all of this. Pluto in Aquarius reverberating in your life already Mystic?? Hhmmm the universe always finds a way ✨
    There’s certain people that crossed my path and even though it wasn’t a long lasting time together the connection was instantaneous karmic heat lol. An undeniable South Node connection.
    I had one connection that we used to only meet on full moons because we loved the Luna energy and fed off that vibe, or we thought it was completely natural to make up names for the planets we were from because we weren’t anywhere near human lol. Till I learned one summer while in my first year in NY, that he went swimming and never made it home.
    I read about it by chance in a news article. He was one of those spirits that was born a star, his shine was diamond Neptunian rays and if he was still here he would be living in LA performing to large crowds, probably dating a Kardashian-Jenner by now LOL 😂 I know he was called back to his home. He has work to do in other realms 🔱✨

  9. Oh, Mystic, this is beautiful, mysterious, and a little sad. I’m glad you had your time together without any leftover could’ve/should’ve been. Ah, those beautiful Chaos Agents! I’m a liminal lover for a lot of people, I think – and then somehow my love life stopped cold, around the millennium, as if I’d entered some kind of intangible, unasked-for, secret monastery. Lately I’ve been thinking that I hope I get to talk to a few of my sweethearts again, but it may not happen. I’m working on an idea for a painting series called “One More Thing I Wanted to Tell You.”

  10. You have mentioned that there was a time in your youth when you didn’t want to think of yourself as a Pisces – it sounds like this ultra-Pisces was a magnifying mirror for that aspect of yourself, and maybe you meant something similar to him.

    Since you got such a strong message about a terrible world event at the same time as you were thinking of him being on the other side, maybe he is now acting as a guide for you, helping you to open the psychic portal wider – even when it might be a really frightening experience. Maybe the two of you together will be able to help a lot of people navigate through the current and coming crises to a genuine change in perspective and practice, leading to an upward spiral to a better future.

  11. So sorry for your loss, Mystic. Thank you for sharing your story though, it resonates. I have a few stories of people I had a special connection to and who passed away, with me finding out only later. Though no story as poignant as yours. When it concerns people I knew when I was young, it is somehow extra sad… Life passing by, youth a distant memory…

  12. I know this place in the purple and black. The black is like that scene in a Japanese horror film, I lasted 5-6 minutes watching the film and had to never watch it again.

    I’ve had a strong deep connection with someone since I was a young women. I think I see him but it’s not, so when this happens I send love and safety to him. As that’s all I can do.

    I’m very sorry for your loss. May spirit guide and nurture his transition from now and to the after and sending loving compassion to you dear MM.

  13. Wow
    I get it
    I had a text conversation last year where I found out 3 people I knew were dead and one was a lover – someone I loved
    It’s weird
    And the darkness makes sense
    Glad you got it out of your room
    Must have been super scary
    I have little fear waves when I’m
    Falling asleep – I don’t usually let myself explore the content – maybe I should be saying too ?

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