I WAS A HOT LEO GUY IN TECH
No, this is not what you think – it was a temporary digital identity. And fine, critique the alleged hotness but Ted Griffin, my Leo guy in tech persona, was quite sought after. I learned a few things from Ted and I am about to share them – one of them made me surprisingly sympathetic to guys! (Note: Ted is a guy, not a man)
Fed up with futility on a platform I will call Uplancer, I decided to go with a male developer’s suggestion that I create a male alter-ego. So voila Ted Griffin – I don’t know where the name popped up from but I like griffins and it felt good.
Why Leo? It was intuitive. Ted has done some Jiu-Jitsu but exaggerates the extent of his training – even so, he’ll bust out some moves after a few glasses of something trending.
He still reminisces about the start-up he worked at which had a wood-fired pizza oven and backers so smashed on Space Dust that they let Ted expense his dubious work trip to research ‘software development in the Maldives’.
Adapting to the rapid tempo of the times, he’s developed a fluid set of non-committal phrases: “I’m excited by…” “It’s all about the firmware…” “I’m drilling more into the data” – even if he is actually just clicking to learn more about Christy Turlington’s wardrobe malfunction. This morning he was excited about Vivaldi for Android but now thinks it’s played out.
So what did I learn from my time as Ted?
(1) What Ted Said Went.
As Ted, when I described a task, the people bidding for it just said ‘yup, great, I’ll do it’ and if there was a question, it was to the point and sensible. eg: ‘Do you want the font to be 16px?’ Or ‘is by Tuesday okay?’
Whereas, as non-Ted (and I’m sure many women can concur), the frequent response to task outlines etc is “you don’t want to do it that way…” or “why are you doing it like that?” or “that won’t work.” Sure, usually after some tedious to and fro you get to the point where the uplancer or contractor thinks your way is great but it will be their suggestion and presented as a way to put an end to all the fuqing around.
This did not happen as Ted. What Ted said went.
(2) Ted Was Deemed A Potential Perp For No Good Reason
As Ted, I’d briefly messaged with a contractor who could not do the job on offer but said she had the exact ancient version of a spreadsheet program that was specifically now needed for a new task. So Ted zips into Live Chat support on Uplancer to say he/I was trying to get hold of “Edna K” and that the previous messages had been deleted, could they help?
Suddenly – bam – the screen is filled up with a gigantic notice about not hitting on uplancers, that it was a criminal offence to discuss or tout for sexual activity on the platform and so on. I’ve asked plenty of similar questions with a female digital id and never had a response like this.
At first I was concerned that “spreadsheeting” had auto-corrected into something skeevy but no, it was because I was Ted, a guy. Offended on Ted’s behalf, I asked the support person whether I – Ted Griffin – legitimately looked like someone desperate enough to seek sexual interaction from someone 10,000 kilometres away and on a business website.
Ted – who has Mercury in Virgo – nearly scorched his fingertypes composing a granular drill-down of the spreadsheet situation when the support person posted another totally unnecessary preamble about respecting humanity and closed the chat.
Still number (3) cheered me/Ted up.
(3) Ted Was Assumed To Know A Lot
Looking at one of those live sites that showed the flight path/projected landing trajectory of the Chinese rocket ship making an uncontrolled descent, I forgot that I was on there as Ted and made a comment. The comment was quite banal – something like “it seems to be going faster” – but the response from attractive-seeming women and even a few of Ted’s fellow guys was great.
“Ted, you seem like you know a lot – when is the NASA update occurring?” So I referred them to the Twitter profile of Jonathan McDowell, who is an astronomer and astrophysicist at the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics with a special interest in satellites/rockets and a constantly updated feed.
“No Ted, I want to talk with you about it. Are you a space engineer?” And so on.
Did Ted exude space engineer tech mastery despite the banal commentary or were the flattering people playing him? Is that why there are notices all over sites like Uplancer and others saying not to just send people money? Not that Ted would give money to someone just because they said they could sense he had a black belt in Jiu Jitsu or would he?
I have retired Ted now, although who knows, he may re-emerge but are any of these observations relatable?