Googling Styles Of The Zodiac

You can tell a lot about zodiac personalities through the observation of people’s googling styles.

Of course, everyone ebbs and flows. Your “research methods” could alter depending on the type of transit you are having.

Still, here are some fundamental theories to consider.

Rage Googling

Rage googling is a digital expression of confirmation bias. It’s when you go looking for yet more evidence that a corrupt politician is truly douche-core. Bonus points for scrolling straight down the content, sulfurous sparks flying off your fingertips, to get to the comments. You can also rage-google telecommunications company’s reviews or, if your target is in showbiz, include search terms like “overrated.”

When the autofill finishes your question for you, is it that the algorithm knows you? Or are there thousands of like-minded rage googlers out there? You don’t have time to ponder this; it’s like you’re looking for a cortisol hit.

Zodiac personalities most likely to rage-google are people with strong Mars placements, anything in Aries and the Cardinal signs in general.

Hypochondriac Googling 

It’s kind of rational. If you have a strange symptom or a diagnosis you want to inform yourself on, it makes sense to gather info. Or, if you’re not thrilled with the allopathic diagnosis, why not check out alternative remedies? You can also be suddenly interested in something you’re usually blase about, like dry toenails or probiotic toothpaste.

But then all of a sudden you morph into cross-checking differential diagnoses. You find out you can order experimental drugs from an “innovative” laboratory in a country that helpfully has no pharmaceutical laws but heaps of abandoned airstrips.

You clock the Louise Hay mantra (you’re safe and protected, but something is suppressed) and are tossing up between turmeric (again) or high potency mushrooms. Bonus points for having more than ten tabs open and ordering pizza/hot chips at the same time. Or for realizing that you’ve just ordered plumage enhancer for parrots to help with the dry toenails.

The astrological archetype most into hypochondriac googling? Virgo – because it hones and refines the Virgo Vision. Also, people with intense 6th House energy or aspects to their Moon.

Masochistic Googling

Deeply unpleasant, the masochistic google session usually involves some version of perving at houses beyond your budget, people who resemble you at an age you’ve progressed past or peers more materially successful/renowned than you.

But it can also be self-googling – a disaster if you have any public profile – or stalking around the social media of family members or ex-friends. But for what exactly?

It’s lower Pluto behavior. It feels ‘deep,’ but it’s not really, and is often a synthetic substitute for deeper emotions or a structured soul mining/psycho-therapeutic audit. Bonus points for switching straight from there to a manic self-improvement search and ordering fat-fuqer herbs or de-crone face cream.

There are no particular zodiac personalities prone to this although Leo is most likely to google themselves. However, it’s more likely to be a Dark Moon activity, mainly when Saturn is in the picture.

Love Zombie Sleuth Googling 

If you know astrology, it starts with a quick little peek at the progressed composite chart. Then you bingle around the back blocks of social media for a while, extracting vital clues from their banal comments on the weather or television. Love Zombie Sleuth Googling is hard because you don’t usually have that much to go on. There is only so much information you can gather on a person you’re not really in contact with.

It is the most pointless and sad googling style of all: street viewing, checking out the neighborhood of their potential new job, or seeing what their third cousin is up to. Outside of an actual hard drug habit, it is the single most psychically draining human activity. Bonus points for doing it with Lilac Wine and listening to the music compilation you made for them.

To delineate the zodiac personalities most into this is impossible – it is usually a phrase, preferably a short one. It’s mischanneled Neptune energy, a tricky Neptune-Venus transit, and often-times Pisces/12th House people.

Avoidance Googling

Avoidance Googling is rad, and we know exactly who does it. It’s the Mutable Signs. In search engine advertising, there are specific keywords that cost a lot. If you want your ad to appear when people search for these, you pay heaps. When people search these terms, they’re ready to book and spend money.

Examples? “Divorce Lawyer.”  “Bad Back fixed.” “Broken window.”  And anything 8th House in nature – buying sex or money – will likewise be an expensive ad-sale. People want some things when they want them.

But Avoidance Googling is the complete opposite of that. It’s when you have something you don’t want to be doing so you jump into a relatively bogus bit of googling. First, you check a developing news story; nothing wrong with that, you tell yourself as you open five links in new tabs.

Then, before you know it, you’ve circled back in your mind to something that the so-called news story reminded you of. You were on a wide avenue with trees but suddenly you’re in the internet equivalent of a meth lab, scouring some Illuminati conspiracy theory site.

You’ve costed your move to another country, found an essay from the late Eighties that puts everything in context and are concurrently reading The Atlantic and the Daily Mail. Maybe you’ll also try to find that poem you liked when you were 17. It’s about understanding your influences. Wait. That thing about pesticides being used in voodoo just loaded.

Avoidance Googling is Mutable: Gemini, Sagittarius, Virgo, and Pisces are brilliant at it. Also, mercurial people and Third house types.

Thoughts?

Image: Swordfish – Hugh Jackman