Have you ever wondered how to be Capricorn? Or if there was a way you could somehow vibe like a Capricorn without having to actually, you know, be one?
Read on for some sensational, easy to follow Capricorn lifestyle tips!
For some signs of the Zodiac, it takes an actual identity crisis for them to re-examine their beauty regime, aesthetics or image. Not our Capricorn. They perform a Situational Assessment every damned morning.
Their preferred style is monochromatic. If you are using a cosmetic enhancement, it is not visible. Beige is their permanent new black. Not that Capricorns like ‘new,’ as such. Golden Beige. Pale Beige. Tan Beige. Glossy Beige. Matt Beige. Camel Beige. Caramel Beige. Mercedes dashboard beige and Scandinavian niche designer Beige.
Think also ostentatiously clean skin. Hair is flat and off the forehead to show off chic cerebral “high-brow” and lack of stress – whether it is the result of meditation genius, Botox or a blend of both will remain confidential.
* SIGNATURE SCENT:
Money, clean petrochemical additive-free soap, heritage lilies from the garden, citrus + a hint of sulfur or something just a little bit dark such as baby oil & rubber. They do not spend precious $ on actual scent as such. If it is just 96% alcohol, as some commercial scents are, the Lady Capricorn can whip up something super-carnal in the kitchen via some vodka + vanilla essence & her own personal V scent, you understand.
* READING MATERIAL:
Rarely light. When you’re doing Capricorn, you like gravitas. “Heavy” reading material is the cognitive version of a weighted comfort blanket for finely wired, high-frequency Capricorns. Contrary to what you may have gathered, Capricorns don’t read the news, they peruse structured data feeds generated by A.I.s
Sombre with outbreaks of ribald humor. To emulate Capricorn, listen intently to people as if you were a barrister being briefed on their case or deflect their attempts at familiarity via deft conversational pivots. There is no in between.
Frizz, dirt, engineering failures, poorly pronounced words or words inserted in a completely incorrect context, people who make no effort to reinvent themselves.
DHEA, Melatonin, Co-Q 10, homeopathic Platinum and compounded formulae prescribed by a hideously expensive doctor that the Capricorn visits at twilight.
* BEAUTY SECRET: Old-School – Celery Sticks. Anti-Fragility. Kettle Bells. A natural fiber exfoliating washcloth.
* SOCIAL NETWORKING:
Seances, friends from a very long time ago, cousins of ex-lovers, old friends of parents, mentors whom one never failed, passed ancestors, genteel grifting. Never any voodoo because real Capricorns consider it vulgar.
* GOAL-SETTING TECHNIQUE:
Tatts, reminders to self…in blood, pacts, shit-lists of enemies hidden in drawers, an antique lucky coin from the Lycian empire – which they recall as extremely prosperous.
Posture is the only status symbol that also saves money which would otherwise be spent on overly frequent trips to chiropractors.