Astro Gaga is a collection of surreal, absurd and funny takes on Astrology, the New Age movement, and 21st Century Living. Read about the Space Dust Shamans, Neptunian Life Coaching, Supernatural Tinder and the adventures of Space Archeologist Vanadium Lightyear. Some of those posts are daffy suggestions for doing transits and unique takes on – say – the planetary styles of infidelity. Or Beauty Therapists of the Galaxy. Others explore an alternative dimension where disincarnate Real Housewives of Hades haunt the subways and pentacles are a cryptocurrency.

Sun Signs in Space

The Sun Signs As Space Tourists

What is up with the Sun Signs in 2020? Some are going to space. Read on to discover their reaction to the news that NASA is allowing Space Tourists. Sagittarius:  Knocks over popcorn and drops the phone fumbling to google ticket prices. Launches Kickstarter appeal.  Cancer: Pictures the Moon, ethereal and glowing in the galaxy. Then jump-cuts to food frozen in plastic and the possibility of canned air tube showers. …

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Space 1999 star in Seventies Kaftan to illustrate astrology and beauty article

Beauty Therapists Of The Galaxy

Few realize that the beauty therapists of the galaxy can be practically grouped into planetary categories. Yes, even the ones operating on Earth. Here are the main types.  You may have encountered some of these galactic archetypes already. Or, perhaps you are booking an appointment with one of them this very week. The Sun Beauty Therapist  She appears from the shadows, a seemingly flawless vision of immaculate maquillage, manicure and …

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Vanadium’s Mars In 4th House Problem

Vanadium Lightyear sometimes wondered if her at-home restlessness was a Mars in 4th house problem. She’d been raised by a Qi Vampire, leaving her with excellent self-reliance skills. But the residual ‘something’s wrong’ guilt persisted. Weirdly, her new cleaner Onyx – sent by Neptunian Life Coaching Services – was helping. She’d lost that constant feeling of having forgotten something urgent. But she was also wondering if Onyx was from another …

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Valentine's Day astrology

How To Do Valentine’s Day Pagan Style

Welcome to Valentine’s Day Astrology. Saint Valentine was not an Aquarius. Even by Stolen Pagan Festival standards, it seems ridiculous to schedule a festival of schmultz, gypsophila, convention-sanctioned togetherness. And the Dining Dead during Aquarius Season. Firstly, Aquarius classically despises officially mandated celebrations and sentimental gestures. Cognitive connections move them more. The most memorable gift you can offer an Aquarius is usually Space. Poor Valentine officially perished on February 14. But even …

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supernatural dating image

Find Your Next Paranormal Romance On Supernatural Tinder

Vanadium Lightyear had no idea how she got onto Supernatural Tinder. She’d done the Deflecting Karma Drama course, opted out of Ad Drones and was not even Diversion Dating. She was literally on there seeking a new partner, with realistic and sane expectations in the world of supernatural dating. Because it looked more or less the same as the usual Tinder app, it was only her Paranormality Alarm Monitor going …

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Space Age Fashion Neptune Goggles

Neptune Googles Are The Ultimate Illusion Accessories

From the mystery backers behind Neptunian Life Coaching, comes a bold new lifestyle accessory: Neptune Goggles. After all, why take drugs when you can be a drug? Neptune Goggles are the exact opposite of Saturn Dating Goggles.  They are designed to diffuse reality, not bathe it in a stark light of skin blemishes and overdue tax. But they move well beyond the classic rose-tint of standard-issue Illusion Accessories. Custom-scented, they …

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