Astro Gaga is a collection of surreal, absurd and funny takes on Astrology, the New Age movement, and 21st Century Living. Read about the Space Dust Shamans, Neptunian Life Coaching, Supernatural Tinder and the adventures of Space Archeologist Vanadium Lightyear. Some of those posts are daffy suggestions for doing transits and unique takes on – say – the planetary styles of infidelity. Or Beauty Therapists of the Galaxy. Others explore an alternative dimension where disincarnate Real Housewives of Hades haunt the subways and pentacles are a cryptocurrency.

Michelle Williams with Ryan Gosling

Another Astro-Gaga Competition

Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling are plugging their new movie Blue Valentine but what i want from you is an astrological caption for this pic please. Winner gets a year of the Alpha Mystic subscription: Access to all the Scopes, Oracle & the Daily Mystic e-mail to your inbox Mon to Fri. Soooo  SHE is a multiple conjunct Virgo. Mega. The Ultimate Virgo. HE is a multiple conjunct Scorpio…with loads …

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Salma Hayek on courch with popcorn

Dark Moon Astro W.T.F.

“…My diet?  Holy fuqing fuq, it’s the Dark Moon in TAURUS, hello, that’s meant to mean fuqing relaxed  tranquility and the symbol for Taurus is the sodding COUCH. Saturn is STILL in VIRGO SO i will do whatever the hell i fuqing need to do for perspective thank you very much and you can take your sodding spinach smoothie and shove it up your…WHAT?! O.m.f.g. When i said i was …

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woman in turquoise evening gown with scuba diver

Astro-Gaga: What Are Their Signs & What Is Happening Here?

Her astrologer had said there was NOTHING inherently wrong with a Leo dating a Sagg. That in fact, they were really compatible, both Fire Signs and that there was WAY more to their chemistry than just the Sun Signs. So when he said he didn’t like formal occasions, how the hell was she to suspect the absurd lengths he would go to avoid one??? Her Sagittarius lover is equally confused. …

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nude supermodel watching men

Saturn in Virgo, Exfoliation and Seduction

So screw Saturn in Virgo all the way to hell and back. The Stress Diet (thank you Saturn) had worked a treat and her regular full-body exfoliation-colonic combos completed the effect of glowing good health. Her filing was done, she’d alphabetically ordered her entire possessions and the fumes of Ti-tree oil and Dettol (fuq all that crap about not mixing disinfectant with any other substances – nothing interferes with the …

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Girl in bathtub with flowers and high heeled boots

What Sign Is She And W.T.F. Has Happened Here?

WHAT is going on here? This totally fits my Moon-Neptune in Aquarius mood. That IS what is going on right now.  Moon-Neptune = dreamy, beauty-loving surrealist with a foot fetish in the mood to only arrange flowers but Aquarius gives it a zany edge. Image: Oyster Magazine-pic by Zoey Grossman-styled Cat Wennekamp

model couple in rustic bedroom

Astro-Gaga: Freaked Virgo On Hols?

Right.  At first I thought, this being a luxe bag-ad, that they were both gazing at the bag. Then I thought that maybe they’d just had a massive rowl and it had to do with something IN the bag. She looks like she’d maybe be fine if he took off but heaven-help anyone who gets between her and that bag. This fits because the bag is supposed to be madly …

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