ASTRO GAGA

Astro Gaga is a collection of surreal, absurd and funny takes on Astrology, the New Age movement, and 21st Century Living. Read about the Space Dust Shamans, Neptunian Life Coaching, Supernatural Tinder and the adventures of Space Archeologist Vanadium Lightyear. Some of those posts are daffy suggestions for doing transits and unique takes on – say – the planetary styles of infidelity. Or Beauty Therapists of the Galaxy. Others explore an alternative dimension where disincarnate Real Housewives of Hades haunt the subways and pentacles are a cryptocurrency.

It Was A Total Bummer That…

It was a total bummer that her Lilith Return had occurred with Mars Retrograde. God she was going to get rotator cuff strain if she stood in this stupid position another moment longer. Then she hit upon a passive aggressive seduction strategy. Not quite what her astrologer was suggesting but it sort of fitted the bill. Plus as she had not had sex since Neptune got into Pisces, this would …

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The Experimental Love Zombie Vaccine Worked Fast

Thrillingly, the Experimental Love Zombie Vaccine had worked quickly.  Beyond belief in fact.  She still manifested delusions and crushes on Unavailables but they shattered almost immediately. She knew that Uranus square Pluto was also a factor. Every night she was releasing rage toward exes and past scenarios in her sleep, awakening serene after her nocturnal exorcisms. Not to mention that being called Vanadium Lightyear put off all but the most Uranian of …

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Never Again With The Mandrake Wine

She felt nauseated. Never again with the Mandrake Wine and Past Life Regression crap. What sort of past life WAS this anyway? She was going to resign from Neptunian Life Coaching Services just as soon as she could get back there. And what sort of weird names did the consultants have anyway. Clotho? Lachesis? Atropos?  Were they pedigree cats? Seriously W.t.f.?  She didn’t care that Mandrake Wine was the preferred …

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woman talking to raven in cage

A Silence Retreat During Mercury Retrograde

A Silence Retreat seemed like a good way to access Mercury Retrograde benefits. She knew that trying to be normal would not work. But it was vile. Vanadium sensed hostility emanating off everyone and became vaguely paranoid. It was not even working to defeat her Love Zombie relapse. If anything, it was making the malaise worse. She realized on the second day that her only shoes were going to be useless …

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Vogue Italia Woman Two Men

Retro Mars Was More Of A Factor Than She Thought

She’d totally prepared for this as only a Extreme Minimalist Pisces in the Age of Aquarius could. First, she’d Feng Shuied her vagina. The results had surpassed her expectations. She felt only a noble geniality toward her Scorpio Ex-husband. . Gone were the presumably cervix-eroding hormones of hate. From now on, Gwyneth would be her Muse in terms of relationship. Hearts were not broken – they were  macrobiotically retooled, holistically …

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Model with televsision sets

Space Archeology

The Saturn Return Style inspiration came unbidden. But first, the gloom. Was it worse because Saturn Return was in the same sign as her Sun? So far since it had become exact at 03.11, she had done her tax, booked a dental appointment and decided to become a Space Archeologist.  Next, she was going to fix the Feng Shui, stop pretending she liked static (because Saturn has no pretensions) and update …

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