Your Neptunian boyfriend never gave a fuq what time it was. He wasn’t “always late” – he saw himself as transcendental. But he’d queue overnight to be there on time for music, cinema or drugs. He had a horticulture degree’s equivalent of knowledge on Dream Weed and framed his use of Space Dust as some sort of anarchy. You could tell he thought his beauty and charm inoculated him against all harm.
A human example of the Heisenberg Principle, he was so oblivious to current affairs that he could plausibly have claimed brainwashing. You found it soothing at the time. Yet occasionally, he’d come out with A-grade, rock-solid insider info, fuq knows from where. Neptunians protect their sources by being unsure if they were a hallucination or not.
He’d find money in the street as if by osmosis and could literally smell gold. He had a hit-list of status symbols he wanted to acquire with the lucre from his hypothetical fantasy business. He was the only person you knew who navigated by rumor.
Your Neptunian Boyfriend Navigated By Rumor
To be honest, during the time you had your Neptunian Boyfriend, you’re not even sure if you were together, as such. His excuses for not meeting your friends or family were ridiculously elaborate – obscure festivities that he was obliged to attend, covert missions, an environmental incident that silenced all communications within his orb.
But now you realize that seeing you in broad context would have taken you out of his narrative stream. You were a metaphor, a cipher.
Or did he live in another dimension and visit you the way a Shaman journeys to other worlds? Because that was the only explanation for how hard he apparently found the connection. You remember his starry eyes swirling with nebulae as he haltingly explained “I don’t know if I can make it…it’s the next suburb over, that street – it’s…it’s tricky.”
You don’t know what happened to him, he is one of those traceless people: no social media trail, no public profiles. Still, your Neptunian Boyfriend persists in dreams, more present and reliable on the astral plane than he ever was in the everyday.
He appears through the disco mist, talking about a neo-Incan rapper and suggesting you invest in ankhs. You can reach him, he says, anytime. You always could.
*The Heisenberg Principle – You can never know both the momentum and the position of a particle at the same time.
Image: Roger Meno