Tackiness As A Life Force Tonic

Flippancy Alert: This post contains superficial comments intended for short-term levity. Some people may find them frivolous.

Nothing of this magnitude has ever hit a world so saturated in media before. And while we are integrating the still escalating situation, there is something bizarrely reassuring about the inexhaustible media montage of the Tabloid Geishas.

Big vibing garish people, (not mentioning any particular zodiac signs here, of course) often have fantastic immunity. It’s like a revved up version of the syndrome when lust or the sudden appearance of a glittery prospect zaps up your vibe. And who’s to say that putting on a gold lame cape or glueing acrylic nails to your purple latex anti-contamination gloves is more virtuous than sculling echinacea tea while you peruse terrifying graphs and struggle with the spelling of exponential?

Talk about social distancing – their gigantic aura of camera hogging, heat-seeking particles is already one metre or three feet wide. And, in circumstances like this, it turns into a force field. Maybe, for the Tabloid geishas, being obliged to avoid most people but you can go on television or post social-distancing-in-my-lingerie images online is an aphrodisiac? Tackiness could be a life force tonic.

These are a few of my grabs from the last week.

If cocaine was a coronavirus cure, the world would change immeasurably. Politicians accustomed to having to present as deeply sensible and the epitome of civic virtue would take about ten minutes to come out as Space Dust advocates, putting their dealers on the payroll if they weren’t already and extolling the ecological benefits of sports cars because…convertible.

It would be like smoking was in the olden days, considered healthy enough to do during live television spots and recommended by doctors. Governments who had refused to make sensible legislation for decades would form corporate laws (and the associated rorts) within a day.

But apparently it’s not.

Ronda Rousey’s survivalist tips. When did this happen? She’s an Aquarius but this comment – from 2018, before the virus – reflects her Mars conjunct the North Node in Aries: ” I think as a self proclaimed genetic cream of the crop such as I am, I owe it to humanity to survive the end of the world. It’s my responsibility.”

Prepster emergency bags, for when your crisis requires tactical paracord ropes, locator beacons, N95 masks, a first aid kit etc AND a Malin & Goetz skincare, and ‘premium chocolate.’ Because presumably, you’re the sort of person who can navigate apocalyptic conditions and keep up a coherent exfoliation routine.

Plague Productivity Memes. So far, people are only citing Isaac Newton and Shakespeare, and they are probably the only examples of such exceptional productivity under stress. But new versions of competitive quarantine enterprises will emerge.

And as you read this, thousands of writers crouch over their keyboards like Gollum with the Ring, friction burn on their fingers as they smash out a 100K words of – they hope – raw genius.

This situation is hell on the performing arts, music + movie production and many allied industries. But it’s heaven for writers, at least career-wise. Their unique style – clothes that don’t interfere with concentration or demand creative focus, saying yes to invitations but then flying into an existential rage and cancelling – is not only now more chic, it is practically compulsory.

As many wonder what the fuq they will do confined to their house all day, writers are acclimatized. They already wear hoodies inside at night, meditate while cleaning the lint from the dryer and resent limiting labels like ‘morning person’ or ‘nocturnal.’

And many directors, actors and movie people whose sets have been shut down will turn their attention to generating the perfect script. No more writer’s strikes, no more snippy texts about synonyms – auteur all the way.

This was the full ‘psychedelic dystopia’ – as actor Ashley Spencer put it. If you saw this image nine years ago, you’d think it looked like a well-made dark comedy, a sequel to Wag The Dog but preposterous, obviously.

This was an awards ceremony moment, not every day or streetwear, but Pisceans  (Erykah Badu in this case) adapt fast and this makes sense. I got a high-end mask for the bushfires and am now getting good wear out of it for the plague. An entire hazmat suit is excessive for most people, but purposeful urban wear that does something and has eco-credentials? It could work. Luxury brands need to pivot.

It’s clear the coronavirus will decimate the sex work industry, as it will anything that requires intimacy or physical contact between strangers. Even the (innocuous for years) Thai massage or walk-in pedicure places are probably feeling this sting. But digital dominatrixes – social distancing to the max – and similar will thrive.

When you cite other people’s stupidity but can’t spell martial law and you are a senator.  I see this a lot, however. People, it is martial law, as in martial arts.

Solitude is the new status. Space signalling tactics of the 1%. And the Tabloid Geisha edition of the coronavirus challenge would not be complete without a Kardashian endorsed publishing sensation. End of Days, by a Sylvia Browne, has gone into a reprint to meet mass orders after K.K. tweeted about it.  It is not the end of days or even the end of years. But it’s the end of an era, a complex and daunting transition to the new one. And it will all generate this surreal melange of tackiness. If someone announced that a meteor was heading our way, there would be ‘comet chic’ and the Daily Mail would mention someone ‘showing off their ripped abs’ on the way to the space station, shelter, whatever.

Thoughts?

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Stella Polaris
Stella Polaris
March 19, 2020 9:35 am

At the yoga studio I’ve been a member of for the last 5 months, overheard an instructor who was giving fist bumps saying ‘a fist is not a hand, right?’

Unicorn Sparkles
Unicorn Sparkles
March 18, 2020 7:43 pm

All I know if that a bunch of bored adult celebrities who are self isolating have discovered tiktok . 🙄

Reikology
Reikology
March 18, 2020 10:53 am

It’s too much- but I’m also Highly entertained lol . 😂

judith
judith
March 18, 2020 10:03 am

you (and about four other people i pay attention to)make so much sense to me. the end of days is the american christian narrative which i put back on the shelve around 9 years old. they can have their version of REVELATIONS and i will have mine,thank you very much. psychological,please and thank you. thank you for your wit,Mystic and humor. it’s spot on and welcome.

Pegasus
Pegasus
March 18, 2020 11:24 am
Reply to  judith

My Virgo Voodoo Mamma friend from LA via Baton Rouge is a 7th Day Adventist.Gave me a bible bookmarked at Revelations. Gave her Osho’s The Book of Secrets as a return gift.
The locusts’ plague ARE making the news rather biblical along with fires and floods even though these events are quite normal.
Bring on the those magnificent horses and i will become a believer 🙂

CKarenya
CKarenya
March 18, 2020 9:13 am

pissing myself laughing. Thanks for the Broad City ref.

Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot
Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot
March 18, 2020 8:27 am

Tactical paracord ropes, locator beacons, N95 masks, a first aid kit etc AND a Malin & Goetz skincare, and ‘premium chocolate.’ –VIRGO ESSENTIALS.

Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot
Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot
March 18, 2020 8:28 am

That chocolate better be organic and gourmet for $5,000 a kit

Pegasus
Pegasus
March 18, 2020 11:28 am

Found a brand of chocolate sold at the local Cellars called ‘Cuvee’. Black VERY slim black box with gold writing http://www.cuveechocolate.com.au. One quarter the size of a small Cadburys at $10. Succumbed. It was worth it but wished it was 3 times bigger 🙂

Libra Moon Conjunct Pluto
Libra Moon Conjunct Pluto
March 18, 2020 12:30 am

Spot on, Mystic!! This gave me a great gut laugh! The trigger warning also added to the laugh (although I’m sure that was unintentional). Although the times are extremely tense, I think Jupiter energies (humor, levity) will get stoked in ways we’ve never seen. Maybe we will get some absolutely piercing yet funny commentary as a result.

Wish Upon a Star
Wish Upon a Star
March 18, 2020 12:57 am

There is already in Australia. The ABC comedy guy doing a skit about the dunny roll ,(toilet paper).

I saw it on face book. Sorry I’ve got a cold and don’t have the energy.

Gemyogi
Gemyogi
March 18, 2020 9:05 am

Lots of good memes

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Electro
Electro
March 18, 2020 12:32 pm
Reply to  Gemyogi

That one is my favorite. I’m a teacher so the homeschooling ones have me in stitches.

Electro
Electro
March 17, 2020 10:19 pm

At this point, anyone hanging out with groups of people and posting on social media are tacky. I am jealous of Kanye’s ranch, I would love to be even further removed In a beautiful place. I wonder what they are eating though.

Crystallised future
Crystallised future
March 17, 2020 7:02 pm

Lol! Love it

Centaurus
Centaurus
March 17, 2020 5:53 pm

I feel like I’m in some kind of B-Grade apocalyptic end of the world Hollywood movie script as and expendable bit part. These are weird times.

baristagem
baristagem
March 17, 2020 4:16 pm

Man, we’re weird! I’m only taking Public Health advice from NSW Chief Medical Officer, Dr Kerry Chant. She’s amazing & her advice has been clear & direct each time. She said weeks ago it was beyond containment & to move towards preventing transmission. Also, masks should only be worn if your symptomatic, you should try & stay healthy but you can’t actually “boost your immune system”, & while it’s nice to knock on the elderly lady’s door to see if she needs anything, passing her a note is much safer. Oh, & (re)watch Naomi Campbell’s flight routine – filmed before… Read more »

baristagem
baristagem
March 17, 2020 7:26 pm
Reply to  Mystic

That’s what the public health folk say – if you’re healthy that’s great. You’re immune system is functioning at its best. Obv if you’re low on vitamins you can boost your immune system by replenishing it. But you can’t boost your immune system to superhuman levels unless you’re already a superhuman with a legendary immune system.

Centaurus
Centaurus
March 17, 2020 7:38 pm
Reply to  baristagem

And the other thing to consider is the time it takes to increase immunity which of course isn’t over night so supplements won’t start working on command. Echinacea, for example, takes some weeks to build some sort of buffer and each human system will be unique there as well. I have read a couple of interesting things lately. One stand out is to keep sipping water. The reason behind this is that if there’s a viral pathogen in your mouth the water will wash it into your gut and your stomach acids will take care of it. The alternative is… Read more »

baristagem
baristagem
March 17, 2020 8:33 pm
Reply to  Centaurus

Yes! This is what I’m hearing too!

Wish Upon a Star
Wish Upon a Star
March 17, 2020 11:20 pm
Reply to  Centaurus

Thanks Centaurus that’s very helpful.

Electro
Electro
March 18, 2020 2:49 am
Reply to  Centaurus

Thanks for this! I highly recommend making tinctures moving forward, especially echinacea and elderberry. They are cheap, easy, and they work. I got into it a few years ago and didn’t realize I was making way too much but it’s okay they don’t expire!

Centaurus
Centaurus
March 18, 2020 5:04 pm
Reply to  Electro

Not set up to make any up and particularly at short notice however I am making my own hand sanitisers. Has anyone seen the profiteering going on on ebay?

Centaurus
Centaurus
March 18, 2020 5:03 pm
Reply to  Centaurus

No worries at all. I’m a regular sipper so am just ensuring I keep it up a bit more regularly when I’m out and about, which is still the case for me. I’m loosing some work and I expect it to continue to decline and am readying myself for a staycation of sorts. As far as my comment on immunity goes – I should clarify that it’s an ‘opinion’ not a ‘fact’. I figure we can boost our depleted immunity but not sure that we can increase it above a certain threshold and I base that assumption on dna and… Read more »

Melodryad
Melodryad
March 18, 2020 11:48 am
Reply to  Mystic

Green tea in the study below boosted interferon gamma production by up to 15-fold in as little as one week. In another randomized controlled trial people eating garlic supplements contracted 60% fewer colds, Doctors in the United States only get four hours of nutrition training in medical school. They aren’t trained in preventative medicine. Dr. Michael Greger reads every single study on nutrition published every year and donates all the proceeds from his books and speaking gigs to charity. His website is a treasure trove of evidence based things people can do to boost their immunity. A few highlights. https://nutritionfacts.org/video/benefits-of-green-tea-for-boosting-antiviral-immune-function/… Read more »

Melodryad
Melodryad
March 18, 2020 11:59 am
Reply to  Melodryad

Doctors are lifesaving in many circumstances no doubt. But people deify them to an extent that is unreasonable. Medical mistakes are the third leading cause of death in the United States.
https://nutritionfacts.org/2016/11/10/medical-care-the-third-leading-cause-of-death

Sam
Sam
March 17, 2020 10:32 am

Ah, now we’re talking. Thank you mystic <3 Rhonda rousey? Erykah Badu? (Adore them both) ..Shouty trash talk and bling as immunity measures, goading people into career achievements a la Shakespeare because cowering in a Tyvek suit drenched in sanitiser does nothing for anyone (mostly)? I am here for this. And those emergency go-bags are a bit chic. Yes… medical hygeine cuteness as a more pervasive aesthetic. Also where is asteroid Hygeia at the moment? Please say, conjunct Eris.

Sam
Sam
March 17, 2020 11:00 am
Reply to  Sam

Also, calling out politicians on key spelling mistakes is Gold.

Invicta
Invicta
March 17, 2020 10:05 am

Hey so just a heads up about the daily mystic email for Tuesday. I can only see the image on my phone and it’s never happened before. Tried giving it time to download but nada. On the pc I don’t even see the image, it’s just white space. xx

Electro
Electro
March 17, 2020 10:30 am
Reply to  Invicta

Mine too, I used the pink dot for the first time to report it.

PenelopeRevelry
PenelopeRevelry
March 17, 2020 11:14 am
Reply to  Invicta

Me too!

scorpx4
scorpx4
March 17, 2020 12:49 pm
Reply to  Invicta

Me too.

Lucia
Lucia
March 17, 2020 9:00 am

Has anybody read Patrick Harpur’s “Daimonic Reality” ?

Sadge Quattro
Sadge Quattro
March 20, 2020 12:24 am
Reply to  Lucia

Bingo Its at the top of my list!! I’ve been rereading Pinchbeck and he points strait to Harpur. Have you read Daimonic Reality and if so whats the lo down with current shitfuckery?

emg
emg
March 17, 2020 7:35 am

I’d just like to thank you for the email that accompanied the heads up for daily horoscope and this new blog post. It made me stop, sit down and consider all the sheer grunt I’d put into getting this far. And no sooner have I got here than the world goes melt down. Ho hum. I must be building some damn faith from somewhere.

Invicta
Invicta
March 17, 2020 10:22 am
Reply to  emg

Hey emg I am so glad you told me how shattered you were for two weeks bc sheesh I am feelin this thing. I’ve not taken any ibuprophen yet and I don’t plan to but it kinda comes in waves right? The main thing is the fever ramping up and with the head and muscle aches you just feel a bit wrung out hey? Tonight I became nauseus for the first time and had thought it might mean I definately had ordinary flu then but three minutes of google and ah. I wish they would hurry up (I know i… Read more »

Centaurus
Centaurus
March 17, 2020 5:52 pm
Reply to  Invicta

Hey Invicta, you’re down with it? Sending vibes for an absolute recovery and then a kind of invincible resilience x

emg
emg
March 18, 2020 6:06 am
Reply to  Invicta

Hope you get well within three days. ! You should bounce back.

Centaurus
Centaurus
March 17, 2020 5:51 pm
Reply to  emg

I agree and the second one sent (courtesty of mailchimp shenanigans or Mercury on his trek back to retro degree) was like reinforcement of the facts!

Centaurus
Centaurus
March 17, 2020 9:13 pm
Reply to  Mystic

All I can do is groan in empathy M. The “helpful” tech support you describe tends to incite a Banshee like wail/scream within me but not much else with respect to actual problem solving.

You do great and we’re (assumption, presumption, directive…um yes, if that’s too strong folks try advisory guideline lol) all understanding to that kind of blip and more so in these times.

Ps – for me I got multiples this time where generally I get nothing if there’s an issue so yep, weird times 🤷🏼‍♀️

Invicta
Invicta
March 17, 2020 6:50 am

This post is pure genius You’ve hit all the notes that I’ve been hearing recently. Brilliant. Where to start … I laughed all through reading this and I’m so glad to belong to a tribe that actually gets it. I could feel my body relax into a belly laugh as I recognised the memes? or tropes of the unseen realms where gemini aliens are splitting their sides watching these bizarre humans behaviour. Im slightly horrified by the cavalier cavalry outside. We’re supposed to be pulling together and self isolating but so many people are in denial or simply don’t care… Read more »

melc
melc
March 17, 2020 6:35 am

This is awesome! 😂 Love the disclaimer!

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