An Aquarius Man Of The 2nd Century


Vettius Valens

The best (or worst, depending on your perspective) takedown of Aquarius men was written by a 2nd Century Aquarius man.

Vettius Valens was an in demand astrologer of the 2nd Century. He lived in the cosmopolitan, polytheistic city of Antioch, which no longer exists but which would be in Turkey if it did. He despised religion and suggested people abstain. His temple was that of Tyche, or Lady Luck.

Vallens also warned most people off relationships – “women/men will always be trouble” – and did not hesitate to tell people if he thought they would “become a tyrant” or lead a “mediocre life.”

“Aquarius men are wet,” said the ancient astrologer

In his early thirties, he took off to Egypt in search of occult knowledge but the trip was such a disaster, he added ‘travel’ to his list of things that were probably not a good idea. Pirates accosted his boat, and then, later, there was a shipwreck. Enterprisingly, he did the birth charts of everyone else in the wreck and turned it into an essay.

Egypt was worse; he blew his life savings to learn ancient astrological truths but “...suffered much, endured much… and spent money that seemed inexhaustible, because I was persuaded by mountebanks and greedy men.”

After that setback, he became a monk before returning to his home city and astrological practice. And, he had this to say about Aquarius men:

“Aquarius is the celestial sign which is masculine, solid, anthropomorphic, somewhat damp, single. It is mute, quite cold,  free, upward-trending, feminizing, unchanging, base, with few offspring, the cause of troubles arising from athletic training, carrying burdens, or work in hard materials, an artisan, public.


Men born under this sign are malicious, haters of their own families, incorrigible, self-willed, deceitful, tricky, concealing everything, misanthropic, godless, accusers, betrayers of reputations and the truth, envious, petty, occasionally generous (because of a flow of water), uncontrollable. As a whole this sign is wet. By part it is as follows: the first parts are wet, the upper parts fiery, the lower worthless and useless.”

You know how every entity/person who people channel sounds similar and kind of bland for an alien/Atlantean barbarian? I’d like to channel Vettius and see what he had to say. I don’t think he’d hold back. Thoughts?


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manyhandsofglamourone_fab_chickLisaSim onenessjudith Recent comment authors
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manyhandsofglamourMM Member

Seemingly harsh, but..

manyhandsofglamourMM Member

He’s ‘fairly’ astute, in regard to a general observation of the primordial Aquarian perspective on contexts described.
Honest and Impersonal.
We need that too.

manyhandsofglamourMM Member

There’s a bit of self loathing and regret in his rant.

Sim onenessMM Member
Sim oneness

Omg , haters of their own family,! Can def relate this to my Aqa son, I can feel once he flies the nest , he won’t give a fuck about me.
Also incorrigible 😅

one_fab_chickMM Member

OMG.. I say the same thing about my Aqua son…

judithMM Member

wow. was the man himself said wet? i happen to really dig aquarius PEOPLE a whole lot. wet? never had that experience.

prowlncrabMM Member

Ugh Aquarius men. Here’s one for you: you hire them for a job, then they sulk because you sack them for not meeting a deadline and don’t pay them because they didn’t actually do anything – even though they had three weeks. Their excuse? It was ALL THEIR IN MY MIND I JUST HAD TO WAIT FOR IT TO COME OUT. Sorry dude. Sounds like a case of more dry than wet. Aquarian men are fuqwits. I can’t think of one good one ….. I mean some of them might be geniuses or talented and stuff. But would you want… Read more »

LisaMM Member

Yes, I found my Aquarius husband a sulker and really stoic when it came to doing something he had not thought out. Did a lot of thinking before action. Lived in his headspace actually. He got satisfaction from connecting people to do their work. Had some really good times in the water and conversing but too chaotic for me being a 4x Virgo, a doer !
Only lasted 9 months but still friends when we meet up.
I would say I taught him the “cost of giving is receiving” and that everyone has their story.

LibrariusMM Member

Hahahahahaaa! I loved this. I especially liked how Aquarius is allegedly the most ill-suited sign for any type of physical work and can’t be trusted with almost any task, LOL.


What a crack up, I love Vettius Valens, what a guy!


Hilarious!! This is the funniest history of astrology I have ever read!! Please just so many more like this.. Omg. Is Vettius V an Aquarius? He sure sounds like one. I love this bit: “In his early thirties, he took off to Egypt in search of occult knowledge but the trip was such a disaster, he added ‘travel’ to his list of things that were probably not a good idea. Pirates accosted his boat, and then, later, there was a shipwreck. Enterprisingly, he did the birth charts of everyone else in the wreck and turned it into an essay.” I… Read more »

LuciaMM Member

I wish I’d read Vettius half a century ago but maybe I had to learn the hard way. Could explain why I was delivered by forceps. I mean it!

amazonalisonMM Member

I just had the most profound chills reading this…this may have been one of my past lives. Everything about this is me and lines up with my chart, and I’m redoing a lifetime this go-round.


Married to an Aqua man and this made me laugh..some bits especially! I looked up my hubs chart once and couldn’t believe one placement explaining his ‘hard stare’ (which he has always had) and the reasoning behind it..looking into a person’s soul 😉 love Astrology

firecowMM Member

I think it’s harsh – but i do see my aqua father in that description…

TheFieryCrabMM Member

Same. The description of the Aquarius man is my dad.

SheRatMM Member

Yep! Could deffo see my Aqua dad in there…and I’m an Aqua so disinclined to hear or say bad things!!

lisa guestMM Member
lisa guest

I’ve had a thing for two Aqua men and this is accurate to some extent. The first was very creative and even though I loved him in 1982… we’re still friends to this day. He knew his problems and said I would get hurt in a “relationship” with him but we could be friends forever and we have been. He married a woman he was great in business with but it’s a struggle for him to love her, yet he felt he needed to do so and extend the relationship beyond the bed. He’s been very successful but I think… Read more »

R(Aqua/Tauri)MM Member

Oh my god this is hilarious. “ the cause of troubles arising from athletic training, carrying burdens, or work in hard materials, an artisan, public.” Relatable lol Also think his opinions on Aquarius not having children and being “HATERS of their own families” is interesting, I wish I longed for a family and see some people doing it right who are examples to me. But I’ve never felt maternal instincts or longings and feel like I would be emotionally neglectful and that it’s one of the reasons having children would be an unethical thing for me to do. I have… Read more »

Ms JeminiMM Member
Ms Jemini

So funny!! I love my Aqua man, he’s hilarious and knows how to be an arsehole if he needs to. He avoids his family as much as he can. And so, so fun to be with!

Jill RobMM Member
Jill Rob

Wow! This sounds just like an Aquarian a-hole that I know!

emgMM Member

Hilarious. Just read it to my Aqua man and he snorted then laughed. It rang very true. I still have to listen to my venus conjunct his NN, he’s a huge pain but I love him !

emgMM Member

Tough love. Only way to go !

ReikologyMM Member

He says all this like it’s A bad thing 😂

kataquagemMM Member

Hilarious, Mystic! You are just the best writer! I’ve always been madly attracted to Aqua men. They may be wet but they’re never boring. Aqua rising here.


Ex husband Aquarian man has bought three apartments and sold them when he was running low on cash. Changed continents from UK to Australia and has had every crazy job from manscaper to children’s creative writing teacher.. is a poet and is now bitterly disappointed his life is no longer living up to his expectations… and he can no longer blame Thatcher

Think he and Vettius would have plenty to.moan about..

ArielMM Member

I seriously want to know his name! haha

milleunanotteMM Member

He held his own attitudes in high regard, hated his Fortune’s/Fates’ giving him his high-handed faith back, couldn’t admit he even gave power to something external like Luck since he eschewed religious beliefs, so blamed the entire rest of the crew to the point of wasting his delineations and calculations on finding blame in their source. Then could only show self-hatred through descriptions of his own sun sign along with others. What a terrible self-relationship! Feel dreadfully sorry to read this. And prefer your very own truth-telling powerful-femme mercurial goodness as wiser than his voice, Mystic. But…it’s a good lesson,… Read more »

PiMM Member

He has the tone of a Capricorn. Surely with that kind of misfortune there’s a very spiky Neptune square in there, maybe with some Saturn for extra come-uppance..

PiMM Member

Ohhh or an unfortunate Gemini or something.

emgMM Member

Oh oh it’s got Saturn all over it !

PerfectpiscesMM Member

😭🤦🏾‍♀️ omg. you didnt have to. stfu!! shhhhhh

Aqua-cap-GeminiMM Member

Love this! I had a thing once with an aquarian man. He was born the day after me, but 3 years earlier in some castle (turned hospital) in Croatia. I really enjoyed his company, but it wasn’t meant to be for various reasons and I broke it off unexpectedly. Oddly, I still often think about him. I’ve not been with another aquarian, and as an Aqua myself, had a tendency for Leo’s, but really have just about tasted the zodiac. Four years since my last disaster of a relationship (with a Leo) and I’ve remained single and uninterested. I actually… Read more »

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