Why Not Invest In An Aries Today?

Aries astrology glyph on red vintage comic background

Sick of stuffing about with the less direct Zodiac signs? Want a more high-energy presence in your life? Why not invest in an Aries today?

Aries knows what you want before you do! You’ll quickly recoup the cost of your investment via that feature alone. Depending on what model of Aries you decide to purchase, your Aries will complete your sentences for you or alert you by pulsing/throbbing if you take too long to complete a thought. Your Aries will also generate your new business or health goals on your behalf.

Strikingly, they need little to no input from you to produce these. Just sit back and let the Aries algorithm do the hard work of selecting ambitions for you.

Aries needs no assembly and runs on raw flattery. Some models self-recharge while others will require a top-up several times a day. But wait, don’t let this put you off acquiring a more affordable Aries. They can refuel off anyone’s flattery. If you are too busy running your now more exciting life to recharge your Aries, they draw energy from others or even media/literature that they feel reflects their greatness.

If you desire a low maintenance but high reward zodiac sign, consider Aries Today.

Warning:  This product may fail or not perform as intended if exposed to nuance, subtlety, and delays while in transit.

Ready to rev up your life? Enquire today. Price On Application.

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Claire
Claire
January 29, 2020 3:53 am

Truest. Not only are we trailblaizers, business designers, we’re also the sweetest and most lovable zodiac sign.

Shazberry
MM Member
Shazberry
May 15, 2019 7:53 pm

Mmmm…. my catnip. I love Aries Sun or Asc.
Interestingly, my daughter is an Aries Sun too.

curiouser and curiouser crab
MM Member
curiouser and curiouser crab
April 19, 2019 6:34 am

Hahaha. Brilliant Mystic.

Unicorn Sparkles
MM Member
Unicorn Sparkles
April 18, 2019 7:23 pm

They work for that flattery… it’s a self perpetuating progress machine.

South
MM Member
South
April 18, 2019 3:40 am

Must Confess I have never rented, owned, dallied with or even asked the “price” of an Aries Man…

Alway a price ( irony rampant)

No spark, flame or fire

lady j
lady j
April 18, 2019 12:06 am

Aries husband constantly asks me for “more compliments” for just simply breathing. What a adorable little things, they are.

Double Stellium
MM Member
Double Stellium
April 17, 2019 11:47 pm

You forgot the downside: obsessed by the latest flash in the pan, flag of convenience loyalty.

Alouetta
MM Member
Alouetta
April 17, 2019 8:47 pm

People take sooo loooong to move when the light turns green, and I feel like I age years waiting for people to turn corners. Why can’t we all just move forward at the same time? Why do I have to wait for the person in front of me to wake up? Whyyyyy????

Jokerman
Jokerman
April 17, 2019 9:56 pm
Reply to  Alouetta

Worse still is the person at the roundabout, in front of you, car (A), giving way to car (B) on the right. They, in turn, are giving way to the car (C) on their right. Car (A) can go. Please go car (A). Can you puleeeze go car (A)….there is no need to give way to nothing. (Sun n Uran in 1st, Aries SN, Merc cj Uran and Mars cj Pluto).

Also if you come to an intersection where no-one is moving, don’t stop, it just adds to the confusion.

bird
MM Member
bird
April 22, 2019 7:37 am
Reply to  Jokerman

Hahahahaha!

Freogirl
Freogirl
April 17, 2019 1:48 pm

Ha ha ha ha ha…! Love it! 🙂
“Depending on what model of Aries you decide to purchase, your Aries will complete your sentences for you or alert you by pulsing/throbbing if you take too long to complete a thought.”
Always a fair bit of general pulsing and throbbing going on with male Aries…

Twin-gemini
Twin-gemini
April 17, 2019 1:48 pm

My goodness – yes! So funny and accurate MM! Please let this be a start of write up for all signs. I love both of my Aries sons.

Cat
MM Member
Cat
April 17, 2019 9:30 am

Hahaha. I love my Aries partner. Perhaps I need to work on more flattery, otherwise, all of the above is so him. This post is so fun!

Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot
MM Member
Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot
April 17, 2019 9:00 am

“Runs on raw flattery” OMG so so true. Even perceived flattery will do (smell of an oily rag).

Hermeswitch
MM Member
Hermeswitch
April 17, 2019 8:17 am

Ha! My partner to a T! But totally suits this Leo. Laughed a lot reading this and will have to show him so I can have the pleasure of hearing him say ‘ That’s not me.’

Cat
MM Member
Cat
April 17, 2019 9:32 am
Reply to  Hermeswitch

I love this comment. I can relate.

Shazberry
MM Member
Shazberry
May 15, 2019 7:55 pm
Reply to  Hermeswitch

I love this. And can soooo relate.

Sim oneness
MM Member
Sim oneness
April 17, 2019 8:02 am

Lol, perfectly said

Laurel
MM Member
Laurel
April 17, 2019 7:28 am

Awww. I’d be cross but I wandered off half way through. I guess we CAN pick up on nuance, a little. Lol.

quintile
MM Member
quintile
April 17, 2019 6:01 pm
Reply to  Laurel

Now, you KNOW MM always does the underbelly too!

dark star
dark star
April 17, 2019 7:18 am

Can I rent one? Is there a money back guarantee?

Jokerman
Jokerman
April 17, 2019 10:13 am
Reply to  dark star

I wonder how much Keira Knightley would be for 20 years?

Wish Upon a Star
Wish Upon a Star
April 17, 2019 7:16 am

Very funny !

Saoirse Kirke
MM Member
Saoirse Kirke
April 17, 2019 5:50 am

Wow

Saoirse Kirke
MM Member
Saoirse Kirke
April 17, 2019 10:23 am
Reply to  Saoirse Kirke

It’s good to dredge up my actual insecurity and rake it through that filter. Awesome.

Soj
MM Member
Soj
April 17, 2019 4:47 am

Oh that’s funny, especially ‘….pulsing/throbbing if you take too long to complete a thought.’ My ex of 16 years was a rather diluted Arian with cannabis dependency issues. It muffled his temper though and he was actually mostly a sweet and gentle version who had unbelievable self-belief (or delusional) and loved, I mean loved the sound of his voice. I am almost having fond recall for some things but on the whole do not miss the weight of carrying him through life. No, will not be ordering. There has been a theme of Arian menfolk with my girlfriends too lately.

scorpiodawn
MM Member
scorpiodawn
April 17, 2019 6:10 am
Reply to  Soj

yes! the one i had loved the sound of hos own voice

Librarius
MM Member
Librarius
April 17, 2019 4:08 am

LOL. This made me want to get in touch with a former flatmate (Aries Sun, Sag Rising). The times we had together!..

scorpiodawn
MM Member
scorpiodawn
April 17, 2019 12:56 am

no thanks, just got rid of one

groovycat
MM Member
groovycat
April 17, 2019 12:50 am

My brilliant and beautiful sister. Aries sun, Leo Asc, Leo Moon a bit harsh sometimes on my water moon but usually right.

msrod1029
MM Member
msrod1029
April 17, 2019 12:37 am

What about an Aries sun Pisces asc with moon in Pisces? He was just sent to me and is like no other….

Acqualuna
MM Member
Acqualuna
April 17, 2019 12:03 am

Most amusing! 🙂 I will share this with my gemini husband, whose experience of my triple-Aries psychology could use some tips now and again. The upside on the flattery bit is that since we tend to exaggerate our experience of most things, a little sincere flattery goes a very long way.
—Wind up and go, go, go…

Acqualuna
MM Member
Acqualuna
April 17, 2019 1:29 am
Reply to  Acqualuna

Actually I think the better word for me to use is encouragement rather than flattery… 🙂

Sam
Sam
April 16, 2019 11:06 pm

Mine’s on order. Hope he shows up soon. Got some customizations so a bit of extra time in production.

Aqua-cap-Gemini
MM Member
Aqua-cap-Gemini
April 16, 2019 10:46 pm

Vanadium turned the glossy page of the home order catalogue… she wasn’t sure if she was ready for this level of commitment.

I’ve just started working with an Aries filmmaker. It’s an older model, from ’49.

Jokerman
Jokerman
April 16, 2019 11:03 pm

A full-length saga of panoramic proportions.
Running time: 38 minutes.

Aqua-cap-Gemini
MM Member
Aqua-cap-Gemini
April 17, 2019 3:26 pm
Reply to  Jokerman

Just tell them they can’t do something, or that they’re doing it wrong.. then sit back and watch the magic happen

Jokerman
Jokerman
April 16, 2019 10:06 pm

What if their flattery goes batt?

My son is an Aries Asc and his directness is laser-like. I have a few Aries energy friends. I love their simplicity. My fave Fire sign. My Sun in 1st speaking.

Sam
Sam
April 16, 2019 11:01 pm
Reply to  Jokerman

Their power is derived from perpetual motion. Batteries not required.

Jokerman
Jokerman
April 17, 2019 8:41 am
Reply to  Sam

I actually was referring to their flattery aspects. But l sus they wouldn’t have time for that.

quintile
MM Member
quintile
April 16, 2019 10:02 pm

Synchronicity! My temporary boss is an Aries and has been exactly on message during a current snafu. I complimented them on same, today!

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