Vanadium Lightyear sometimes wondered if her at-home restlessness was a Mars in 4th house problem. She’d been raised by a Qi Vampire, leaving her with excellent self-reliance skills. But the residual ‘something’s wrong’ guilt persisted.
Weirdly, her new cleaner Onyx – sent by Neptunian Life Coaching Services – was helping. She’d lost that constant feeling of having forgotten something urgent. But she was also wondering if Onyx was from another planet.
Like most people, she’d long stopped taking government cautions seriously; you never knew which corporation was funding what politician. So she ignored the government warnings about possible intergalactic spies blending in with citizens as probably a marketing ploy. And even if the alleged eight percent of the population were from another planet, so what?
In the 20th Century and even the earlier parts of the 21st Century, the popular culture had it that aliens would come looking like lizards, green men or sleek angelic looking ‘greys.’ These looked like humans or Space Dust Shamans.
Onyx Was Such An Amazing Cleaner That Vanadium Did Not Care If She Was An Intergalactic Spy
So the suspicion that her new cleaner was an intergalactic spy did not bug Vanadium as it might have done had she been born before 2057. For a start, Onyx was an incredible cleaner. The first time Vanadium had returned to her apartment post-clean, she was convinced that something supernatural had occurred. Her Mars in 4th house sensibility had never been more thrilled.
Every inch of the place gleamed with extreme cleanliness. Vanadium could now hear the Schumann Resonance. Onyx had removed dust and dead Qi particles. She had emptied the rubbish and contacted the council to order new bins. The towel rack had been repaired and the air ionized. Onyx had done all the dishes and aligned the bed to be in Vanadium’s proper Feng Shui direction. She’d placed an Amethyst with Sea Salt in the DNA spiral shape in the middle of the vortex at the back of the apartment and sandblasted the balcony.
There was a small bowl of blue Spirulina pesto in the fridge with a card next to it that read “there is a micronutrient in here, not officially discovered as of yet, that you need.”
And there was also a humming globe in the bathroom. Onyx asked if it was okay to leave it there to “harmonize the elements.”
The Machine Was Tiny – A Dark Matter Generator
That was, of course, Vanadium’s first clue that her cleaner could be an intergalactic spy but by this point, Onyx could have asked if she could stage a full-scale alien invasion from the living room and it would have been fine.
She had been living in the Virgo Rising version of squalor since Ronaldo had left. Today was the first time her house had felt not just like home but like a temple; an immaculate sacred-energy humming temple.
The machine was tiny, a Dark Matter generator, Vanadium supposed.
“Yes, fine. Onyx, are you from around here?” Onyx looked meta-human, albeit a very muscular one. Vanadium eyed her quadriceps. They had what looked like rusty brown crop circles on them. Henna tattoos? Iodine? The soil had gotten so depleted that painting iodine or magnesium directly onto the skin had become far more than just a wellness fashion statement.
“Transylvania” smiled Onyx.
“Ah yes, vampires, ancient castles, Vlad the evil one, how marvelous,” gushed Vanadium, reminding herself hideously of her mother.
Her Radio-Frequency Deflecting Helmet Protected Her Psychic Powers
“Not there. The Asteroid Transylvania. Although it’s more of a minor planet, bigger than you think, I have to go. I will be back the day before the next New Moon. There is a ghost in your bedroom.”
And with that Onyx left, leaving a whiff of ozone scent in her wake.
Vanadium reflected and not for the first time that she was willing to overlook people’s defects if they were good at something. She blamed her Moon in Aquarius.
Onyx being possibly an intergalactic spy seemed irrelevant in the wake of her having resurrected Vanadium’s apartment. Energetically, it felt amazing, and Vanadium could always rely on her gut instinct. Or could she?
She put on the Radio-Frequency deflecting helmet that Neptunian Life Coaching Services had sent her (to stop 6G rays from fuqing with her psychic powers) and set off on a long walk to think it all through.
Image: Chris Nicholls
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