How To Do Valentine’s Day Pagan Style

Valentine's Day astrology

Welcome to Valentine’s Day Astrology.

Saint Valentine was not an Aquarius. Even by Stolen Pagan Festival standards, it seems ridiculous to schedule a festival of schmultz, gypsophila, convention-sanctioned togetherness. And the Dining Dead during Aquarius Season.

Firstly, Aquarius classically despises officially mandated celebrations and sentimental gestures. Cognitive connections move them more. The most memorable gift you can offer an Aquarius is usually Space.

Poor Valentine officially perished on February 14. But even that ‘fact’ was likely an invention to overlay the funky fertility festival. People preferred mead-fuelled heathen naked cavortings to church. The plump babies with arrows of love are a  naffed up version of the Ancient Roman God Cupid. The flowers, chocolates, and expectations all came later.

The actual Saint Valentine was torn apart by mules on the orders of a capricious Emperor. “That reminds me…” said the dog park Sagittarius I was discussing this with, “I need to go and sign my divorce papers.”

Certainly this year’s Valentine’s Day astrology is ultra-weird. No matter where you are at regarding relationships, there is an odd Valentine’s Day Astrology option for everyone! For your actual astrology then, see the Horoscopes. However here are some suggestions:

The Uranus In Taurus Is Coming Soon Valentine’s Day Celebration

Partnered or not, you decide to build yourself a new couch. In between researching sustainable fabrics and hemp stuffing, you devise a new era relationship manifesto. Certainly, your priorities are orgasms. As well as securing an informed investment/business partner.

The Mercury In Pisces For Eight Weeks Valentine’s Day Celebration

It’s a paranormal romance that you intend to commit to. Especially once Pluto crosses the South Node from mid-March to mid-April. You need only nootropics. And a Mugwort infused sleeping mask. Valentine’s Day Getaway Destination: Atlantis.

The Mars/Uranus Conjunction And Chiron into Aries Any Minute Valentine’s Day Celebration

The only relationship you’re putting quality energy into is with the people you’re hiring to help you actualize. You decide to allocate focus toward a shamanic clearing ceremony to purify your auric field from past romances and delusions. But if it takes more than 18 minutes, you’re out. Furthermore, you invent an app that adapts Kirlian photography techniques to measure the integrity of an aura.

The Venus In Capricorn Near Saturn Valentine’s Day Celebration

If partnered, you book a relationship audit. It will identify key performance metrics and areas for improvement. If single, you put a line of salt across the front door and murmur a silent prayer of gratitude as you browse the Daily Mail’s sidebar of shame. Self-containment is the new Mindfulness, you muse as you slip between your chic sheets. Also, you buy your perfume. And you quietly nurture long-established friendships and professional alliances.

What are your Valentine’s Day astrology thoughts?


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Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot

The above energies sum up the past few days…
Let’s do Venus saturn. Stability sounds good, with a bit of uranus in taurus “invent delicious natural gourmet chocolate with no calories” please


Love the last option… meanwhile my plan is to attend a ‘Feminist sing’ — spontaneous choir type event singing love songs — even Express Yourself Madonna — with a close female friend. Another old friend is staying with me at the moment, so I’m surrounded by goddess/female friendship energy — celebrating platonic love this VD.
Did you know it’s also official QuirkyAlone day? So I’ll be wishing my lovely QA online friends a happy QA day wherever they are.
Love and blessings to everyone here and celebrate (or grinch) however you wish xx


That sounds awesome and may you enjoy every second of this time together. xoxo


Natal Mercury and Venus in Aquarius… honestly don’t see the point in ‘Hallmark’ celebrations… I wouldn’t mind a ‘funky fertility festival’ for a night before I get back to the sofa design though… Also, why do schools celebrate it as a ‘love’ festival getting kids to create cards for their parents and friends without any kind of discussion about the different types of love and expression thereof??? “Pthff” to Valentine’s day from me!

Unicorn Sparkles

Browsing the sidebar of shame which is currently filled with Married At First Sight “stories”.
I see what you’re doing there judgy media


I truly put a line of salt across my door two days ago, and started working with a brand new actualizer YESTERDAY. Feeling itttttt.


Since I have Lilith in Aquarius, I think I’ll be preparing my sustainable fabric magic carpet to fly me to the moon. I will have space, literally. Ill be working too – the moon has requested my help for his valentine’s ptsd- he feels humans have exploited his image for romantic foolery/so embarrassing. Uncle Pluto is laughing at him all across and around the solar system. Really the entire system is upset with Valentine’s Day. Neptune eats too much candy, Saturn gets reamed for being a disappointment. And Venus! Can you imagine how stressful this day is for her –… Read more »


<3 from another Aqua Lilith.



dark star

I’d like to thank my aquadad for his valentines bday as a lifelong diversion tactic so that I never have to deal with the actual thing lol. I also like to remind ppl of those matyrs stories books that Catholics would gift me as a child. Nothing says love like getting flayed or your eyes/ genitalia gouged out for your faith


Love this dark star. I have always ignored VD, always. In fact if it hadn’t been mentioned on this blog, i don’t think i would even be aware of it.
Your last line is just brilliant.


Bloody brilliant. I choose… all


You know – the simple essence of astrology is so elusive in it’s hiding in plain sight tactic. Never considered it so clearly. Who on earth chooses Aquarius? Like, what else is there to say…. ?

Very funny post Mystic.


Snort, cackle I have zero planets in Aquarius, but maybe Libran moon and Mercury n Gemini contribute? this describes me perfectly: Aquarius classically despises officially mandated celebrations and sentimental gestures. They’re more moved by a cognitive connection than anything else. The most impressive gift you can offer an Aquarius is usually Space. particularly looking forward to Uranus in Taurus – not sure about building the new couch, but hey, who knows?


Been researching hand-made, natural perfumes on Esty. I might even make my own. Venus in Cap Valentine’s sounds perfect. Besides my natal Mercury is conjunct Venus in Pisces so I always have a paranormal romance happening on some level.


Ooh. What have you found?


at first I thought I was doing Uranus in Taurus Is Near but in fact I am doing Venus in Capricorn Is Near Saturn. bought a very aquarian new perfume last week, it smells like… play doh?! (Mondo Mondo, I Like You In Velvet)


Mars/Uranus conjunction plz. Am desperate to purify auric field, reset naff priorities, put energy back into myself.


“Aquarius classically despises officially mandated celebrations and sentimental gestures. They’re more moved by a cognitive connection than anything else. The most impressive gift you can offer an Aquarius is usually Space.”

As a LibrAquarian, can I please request spatially-conscious sentimental gestures?

Much appreciated.


The Venus-Saturn conjunction is happening right on my natal Cap Venus. I’ll buy my own perfume.


My husband and I (both Scorpios) ordered a new bed and a new natural latex mattress that’s supposed to be here by next week.. so I guess we are doing the Uranus in Taurus themed v-day


My birthday is Feb 14. And my Venus is in Cap. Not sure what what to read into your post-it’s business as usual 🙂


Oh boy am I doing the mars/uranus Chiron Valentine day. I was thinking about this the other day on my 2 hour drive to work! Feeling I have become so dulled to love and romance. Maybe it’s my age, maybe I am now just so cynical considering my story to date. I found myself getting depressed on returning to my solid aqua chap and have now finally decided that everyone can get lost unless you are going to actualise my future and it’s got to be fuqing amazing or I am seriously not interested. You will have to work your… Read more »


2 hour drive to work, geez.
I admire you for not waiting for one to catch up. I like that mindset. Lol “keep up or pack up” love it!
All I ever do is try to help people and just get screwed over. Saggo problem.


Yeah two hours is too long. You can always help people just don’t cart them with you. Drop in that one statement they need and move on. It’s up to them then what they actuate from your ‘help’


Brilliant! This Venus in Aqua agrees with all of the Aqua sentiments above. But the Venus in Cap option looks by far the most appealing to me. I think having Saturn on my moon-Lilith – from basically now until the end of time – is turning me into a Cap.


Yes this option gives me bliss. It must be zeitgeisty with all the Capricorn action going on. I feel that my smorgasbord of natal Saturn squares (yes there’s a Venus one in there) may be finally finding their way..


Forget the DM browsing though – eurghggh


Definitely interested in the Venus in Cap option. All the others require other people, except building a couch. Maybe I’ll line the doorway with salt and then build a platform couch/bed.


oh my god, i am going to do all of these. so good 😀 thank you mystic x


What about the Sun fueled 3/4 of the way through Summer 14th of Feb. )-;


“That reminds me…I need to go and sign my divorce papers.” – sounds like a Virgo pick up line 😉

Uranus in Taurus couch – definitely has a colonic facility, optional extra of course.


Virgo pick-up line? I must admit l thought similar.


Multitasking the ‘I’m available’ message. Only a Virgo could.




Colonic facility? Ew. My sun, Venus and Jupiter Taurus and particularly my Libran moon is in complete revolt. I don’t even like those awful bathrooms that adjoin master bedrooms.


I agree about bathrooms joining bedrooms. Colonics are different, and the lazy lay back couch of a colonic seat is some form of plastic. I imagine this kind of optional extra on the UinT couch (I want to write UniT couch) would have a button, and the soft absorbable couch would pull back or fold away like some kind of couch foreskin, and there would be a high tech futuristic glowing smooth hemp “silicon” facility at your disposal, replete with vacuum covering – so any splashes or faecal bloom is contained and trapped. The unit is completely self cleaning and… Read more »


Saint Valentine on February never actually felt like “proper” to me. The whole month is one of the most detached and eventless usually for me and then there’s this highly dense cheesy day on the 14th.
I am a Capricorn 5th house cusp so in spite I think I’ll choose the Uranus in Taurus and Venus in Capricorn + Saturn celebrations.


What exactly is this unicorn you speak of?


the last one…even down to daily mail browsing.
but this lz wants a new romance, bwaaaaaa

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