How To Be A Love Zombie? The question puzzled me at first. Surely becoming a Love Zombie is an organic process. Specific astrological configs at birth make you more inclined toward it, and popular culture plays its part but still, it’s not something you can cultivate. But on further thought, I have altered my stance. You can become a Love Zombie and here’s how.
(1) Develop a taste for narcissistic future-fakers. They’re easy to get to know, as they will swiftly take any encounter onto a more intimate footing. Familiarity is the fastest way for them to get the ego-hits they need. The married or partnered ones can exist in a state of impending break-up for years, if not decades. It is their preferred mode, which is fantastic for you. As an aspiring Love Zombie, you will never need to worry overly about them turning up at your door with their baggage.
(2) The moment you find someone sexually attractive, bestow them with a sense of nobility and doomed glamor. You may think that rewriting your every crush to be a mythopoetic saga of epic proportions is something only possible in your teenage years, but no, you can do it any age. Although, it may be harder to do as your hormone mix evolves.
(3) Shun therapy. Nothing kills a Love Zombie buzz more thoroughly than a psych probing you about that emotionally unavailable mother or narcissistic dad. Don’t read Esther Harding, Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung or even Clarissa Pinkola Estes. It’s discomforting to find yourself in the pages of a classic book that could be about anyone when you feel your circumstance is so unique. Stick to Iseult & Tristan, Beatrice & Dante, Walk The Line and any literature or cinema that gives good yearning.
(4) Don’t own up to enjoying your solitude. Being open about liking to be un-partnered is subversive as is admitting that you enjoy being able to devote more energy to your craft, children, animals, health or nature. Having a Love Zombie situation going on means you can be quasi-partnered and thus still (sort of) yoked to the convention. Many people would much rather hear about your mysterious little bit of phantom ‘it’s complicated‘ than deal with an individuated you.
(5) Get hooked on Yearning. In the same way that sportspeople and adventurers come to function their best on adrenaline, you can optimize via Yearning. Is it oxytocin? A neurotransmitter only released when you’re busy analyzing cryptic comments and cross-referencing them to Neptune transits? Admit to yourself that while it would be nice in some plebian way to have a partner you can phone up to inquire how they are, you like the process of research.
Image: Joseph Noel Paton – Dante Meditating
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