Ask Mystic – Sun Square Ascendant Identity Crisis

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Dear Mystic

I have spent most of the weekend pouring over my Astral DNA. So much resonated that it felt like talking with an old friend. So thank-you for producing such a treasure.

One big a-ha moment was reading about the effect of my Sun square Ascendant aspect… my persona or image is at odds with my actual identity. Oh my god, this explains so much. 

As a Cancer Sun, Virgo Moon I think of myself as empathetic, attentive, quiet, thoughtful…nice! So I am always confused when responses from others are less pleasant than I anticipated.

Turns out I have been projecting my Aries rising – angry, abrupt, headstrong, blunt, careless, get-to-the-point, persona to the world… 

The perfect example this weekend – A shop assistant asked me if I needed any help – I replied ‘No, thanks. I’m just looking’ perfectly politely (or so I thought!). When we left the shop my partner informed me of the hard, aggressive tone I had used, so much so that the assistant had given me the customer-service-attendant-powerless-to-say-anything-so-all-I-can-do-is-death-stare-and-hope-you-have-a-bad-day look (I was completely unaware). As a former hospitality worker I have dished out this look many times and it saddens me to think I was the cause of one. 

Anyway, I am desperate to know how I can work this Aries ascendant to achieve haute Aries… I am hoping that will be more in line with my treasured Cancer and Virgo qualities…  What is haute Aries??

I have read your Style Your Ascendant posts. And am very aware of the power (and magic) clothes have in the perception of a personal character. I am drawn to the Aries style you describe – RED, sporty/sleek, warrior-style (the best I have ever looked was when I dressed up as short-hair, reborn, power-dressing Cersei). But now I am worried this will only amplify the Aries traits that I feel are so alien to my core being and widen the gap between the projected me and the ‘real’ me. Or will more fully expressing that Aries energy through my attire work as an outlet (and reduce the bursts of Aries aggression in my persona)?

Should I just give up my over-analyzing and accept that as a Cancerian I will forever be misunderstood anyway?

Please help, 

Confused Cancer 

Dear Confused Cancer,

It’s a really interesting question! You’re Mars ruled and unexpressed Mars energy can be like when you’re trying to force too much voltage through the wrong power outlet.  Cancerian/Lunar energy seeks empathetic connection and Aries/Mars Vibe seeks expedient results. They both have their place and the Martian Warrior energy informed by Lunar intuition is fantastically effective.

But something about this scenario and the partner informing you of your ‘rudeness’ makes me wonder about the dynamic between you: is it possible that you weren’t rude but he just does not like Mars directness from you? That he is more aligned with your Lunar persona?

The Moon dimensions of your psyche, as opposed to the Mars energy, would be a fantastic topic to meditate upon during the next Aquarius Moon, as the Moon crosses Mars, don’t you think? The Moon times are always on the Daily Horoscopes page and the next Moon in Aquarius is mid-November.

And the New Moon this Tuesday/Wednesday in Mars-Pluto ruled Scorpio would be the perfect time to dawn a more Aries look. You could go shopping like Charlize Theron’s Imperator Furiosa in Fury Road, only in red shiny latex.  What does everyone else think?

 

Image: Hana Haley

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Wish Upon a Star
Wish Upon a Star

I also struggle with my rising sign of Pisces. Alot of people think they can tell me their problems when really I just want to be left alone. And people think I am sweet, and when my bloody mindedness comes out they are shocked.

So maybe a lot of folks struggle with this and the lesson might be to just accept your uncomfortable bits. You might be thankful when you are tested and these bits come to the fore and save you. You might surprise yourself.

Leo-Scorp GrrrlMM Member
Leo-Scorp Grrrl

There have been so many great comments. As a Multi Leo with Scorp rising and squares, I certainly get this. Once I learned how, dressing in scorp attire (within reason, lol) I found that I feel more me. I love my rising “face” that the world sees. People don’t even ask of me what they put on some of my friends. So true, once you are aware of your effect on others you can punctuate with a smile, it goes a long way. I don’t think I’m intense but others do. I wouldn’t trade my Scorp at all. I love… Read more »

BMM Member
B

Thankyou Mystic for sharing and to everyone for your thoughtful responses. I have a lot to think about! And it has been so heartening to read that others experience the same thing! The ‘partner not liking mars directness from me’ doesn’t really resonate. If anything, he encourages me to be *more* assertive when I’m considering my next move in conflict situations (while I’m agonising over not wanting to hurt peoples feelings on the one hand, but not wanting to suffer fools on the other). However (and perhaps this sounds contradictory?), Mystic’s assesment that he vibes more with the lunar side… Read more »

BMM Member
B

PS I was so looking forward to see what image would accompany the post, Mystic did not disappoint.
I was just recently (like on Sunday) considering the integration of heart motifs in my attire (Jupiter in Leo inspired), so freaky that the image includes a heart shaped purse!

SheRatMM Member
SheRat

I have written here before about my job wherein I was apparently immediately dismissed by girls ten years younger than myself because I am “too old to wear cowboy boots.” The situation with them was highly instructive for me in just the same way you describe your conflict here, B. I realized that, due to having been totally singled out and bullied as a child, I took to playing with my “image” as a way to control people’s reactions to me in order to avoid getting hurt. After living in an open-minded mecca that no longer exists, and where I… Read more »

Wish Upon a Star
Wish Upon a Star

So succinct She Rat: It’s kinda own Brand of Qi Vamping. Or as I like to quote from my Bible of Being True to Yourself: Head fuqing (or Qi Vamping) from others begets more head fuqing and leads to the Ultimate Sin: Head fuqing yoursef. I do not know your age. I did worry about these things when I was younger especially living in Melbourne. But when I hit 40 I got more comfortable in my skin. And when I hit 51 I just said fuq off and revelled in my uniqueness. And finally realised I create my own world,… Read more »

JokermanMM Member
Jokerman

I don’t why the partner got singled out. Yes he indicated you might’ve been harsh but the clerk gave you a ds. The clerk did not get anywhere near the kickback.
And I liked the suggestion that you love your harsher side. I’ve got 5 T Sqs, I do it the hard way.

birdMM Member
bird

I think B’s partner was singled out because he reported the shop assistant’s response after they’d left the shop. It doesn’t sound as though B noticed a death stare, but was dismayed to be told about it later. Probably sounded a few alarm bells for those of us who have been gaslighted in the past, but that doesn’t mean it’s true in this case. It’s impossible to know the full picture from a few paragraphs, and we all respond through our own filter. To me, the responses were all delivered in the spirit of love, guidance and protection though, and… Read more »

BMM Member
B

I agree re the responses 🙂 Such a beautiful community you’ve fostered here Mystic!

JokermanMM Member
Jokerman

Whether the death stare was seen by the intendee, or reported by another, the intender still did it. I just think extrapolations should be discoursed objectively. I also think that he could’ve added his own spin. And the death stare may’ve been more about the store clerk.

A myriad of possibilities….

skarab
skarab

A plethora! … (El Guapo) x

birdMM Member
bird

True.

Aqua-cap-GeminiMM Member
Aqua-cap-Gemini

I think this happens to me more often than I realise.. It’s kind of like resting-bitch-face. Your mind is on other things, you’re in efficiency response mode, and other people may have some kind of facade expectation about how you’re supposed to look and sound. Fuq. That. I wouldn’t worry about what other people think, and if they’re too precious to observe the situation, and are offended at the slightest misinterpretation, not your problem. Your squares are supposed to be your superpowers. I think perhaps you have to stop G.A.F about what other people think, and simply be comfortable with… Read more »

skarabMM Member
skarab

*Let them have a hysteria about it, it probably fuels their micro-qi-vamp-drama-world*…. omg, love this so much! Where is your Mars?

Aqua-cap-GeminiMM Member
Aqua-cap-Gemini

Virgo, 8th house

skarabMM Member
skarab

It figures: meticulously scathing & succinct. <3!

Aqua-cap-GeminiMM Member
Aqua-cap-Gemini

Lol – meticulously scathing and succinct. I think I’ll ad that to my resume!
Just telling it like it is 😉

ElectroMM Member
Electro

I have a Leo sun square Uranus in Scorpio ascendant, which I’ve always known was tricky but holy hell that description in the Astral DNA threw me for a loop. As in ‘people will always misread you by no fault of your own’ and I spent a lot of time wondering if this can be remedied. So I totally hear you and bet you have more than just that one instance to riff from. First, most people are not what they appear to be at first. You have your ascendant in Aries for a reason. I need my Scorpio rising… Read more »

saturnplutofluxMM Member
saturnplutoflux

That sounds like good advice

ElectroMM Member
Electro

Thanks, I’m glad to hear. Squares from your sun to your ascendant are a bitch but owning what you are given helps. Better to work with it because it’s not going anywhere.

skarabMM Member
skarab

Love this Electro – from your slutty 8th house to the good advice. In fact i’m really loving everyone’s response here.

ElectroMM Member
Electro

Ha! Yes, it’s true. It’s a good thing I don’t act on everything that goes on in my head.

BMM Member
B

Yes I think there are some warrior vibe traits that I could do well to more intentionally adopt/express – strength, focus, confidence, courage, discipline and ‘showing up’. I researched yoga inspired ideas of ‘warrior’ and they really resonated. Perhaps having that warrior vibe is what gives me the strength to combat this tricky aspect in the first place..?

SheRatMM Member
SheRat

I immediately thought that you might not actually be rude and other people need to get over it. There’s no end to the amount of shit people will project upon you and it’s not your problem to adjust or dim yourself to idiots.

Just sayin’ from a Pluto Rising who grew up in a small-minded place with small-minded idiots who have not changed one iota since 1983.

SheRatMM Member
SheRat

I shouldn’t say one iota. Apparently, nowadays, you can be a small-minded fuqtard WITH purple hair…

LaFemmaMM Member
LaFemma

It doesn’t sound like you were rude in that situation. I am learning to love and not feel guilty about establishing boundaries, you weren’t intending rudeness and in retail you need a thicker skin than that! Also I have a friend who has a lot of mars going on – Aries rising, Aries Sun, AND Mars conjunct her Ascendent! I would say people just love her and respond to her enthusiasm really well, she is extremely popular and did really well in sales because people liked her honesty. She has definitely hurt my feelings (I’m a Pisces) with her words… Read more »

Secret SaggMM Member
Secret Sagg

You know, Virgos generally mean well, but as a 12th house Virgo, I find this well-meaning to be overbearing at times – but I think this says more about me, than Virgo types.

Also: In order to protect their inner softness, crabs have a tough exoskeleton, yes?

emgMM Member
emg

Tee hee I’m a moon mars conj in cancer with my sun.
Remember as cancers we are the universal cage fighters of the zodiac and if you’ve got the Aries thrust what you have to consider is “is what I’m about to say for their highest good?” If so Say it !!! This summer I utterly stepped into my warrior mode and was titled “legend” by my co workers !
So be who you are and let those around you take it as they will.

GoddessJacquiMM Member
GoddessJacqui

Oh I soooo get this. I’m also Aries rising, with Libra Sun AND Venus. Add to the mix my natal Moon at 0 degrees Cancer, and the struggle is intense. I remember back in my theater heyday, meeting someone new in the chorus, and his saying in delighted surprise, “You’re so nice. Everyone warned me about what a bitch you are, and you’re not at all, really.” I was HORRIFIED. ME?? The one who always makes sure everyone is as happy as possible and smoothes over all turbulent waters with Libran grace …. A bitch? I was baffled for years… Read more »

skarabMM Member
skarab

First of all, bear with me while i do a rant. As a fellow Crab, what annoys me is the clichéd & *unevolved* take on Cancer that has been flung around for ages. If we don’t vibe Demure Moon Maidens or Mother Hubbard, then it’s as if we don’t really qualify. What about Henry VIII, Julius Caeser, Angela Merkel or Alexander-the-FuqingGreat,?? All *multi* Crabs, btw. Were they demure, gentle homebodies with children hanging off their apron strings cooking cookies for all & sundry? Were they sweet vulnerable push-overs? Are they not real Cancers?? People mistake the terms yielding and empathetic… Read more »

PlutoMoonMM Member
PlutoMoon

Hear, hear! Water is not weak. Also yes to the side-eye toward the partner’s assessment. My ex used to make a point to tell me people thought I was a bitch when they first met me in order to tear me down a little bit because he felt threatened by my ability to observe people first and then decide if I liked them or not. He basically used it to manipulate me and my behavior so he could feel strong and I would feel weak. Needless to say, this is why he is now my ex.

Alex EMM Member
Alex E

I thought the same thing when I read the above letter. Someone who sees you at your worst (at least, in their own opinion) and instantly holds it over your head, is not a good partner, or friend or family member. We aren’t just collections of nice features and no man (or woman) who cares about us should just sit back and hand out points for good behaviour, or subtract them for ‘bad’ behaviour like a judge in a frickin beauty competition. If they’re an intimate, they should at least attempt to peer behind the facade. if this couple had… Read more »

Wish Upon a Star
Wish Upon a Star

Ha ha

JokermanMM Member
Jokerman

Can you play cricket on my team? I’m looking for a good #3. I sort”ve got opp problem. My Kat Sun / Asc aren’t obvious to ppl. I’ve only ever been picked as a Crab by one person. Countless times as an Aquarius and same for Scorp. Respectively having Uran Mutual tri-receptivity to Sun / Moon, Merc/Uran cj and Aqua Moon is Bucket handle / Apex of a yod. And Scorp planets Mars Pluto Vesta all conjunct, 2 SD planets in Scorp that also focalise 5 T Squares. I really am a Scorp Square Aqua intense nutcase. But my shell… Read more »

SheRatMM Member
SheRat

I don’t have much water in my chart to commiserate re: the “yin” signs, but PREACH, skarab, PREACH!

Wish Upon a Star
Wish Upon a Star

Yin can be powerful if you embrace it and know how to use it. It has more to do with body language than words, I find.

birdMM Member
bird

YES!

PlutoMoonMM Member
PlutoMoon

Oooh, I think I get this often as well. I’m a Libra sun, Cancer moon, with Sagittarius rising. I’ve got Pluto touching both my luminaries (conjunct sun and sextile moon), square my ascendant, and my chart ruler, Jupiter, is in Scorpio and conjunct my solar ruler, Venus, also in Scorpio. My moon is in the 8th house. I’ve got Pluto eyes, and have been accused of being withdrawn, bitchy, scary, haughty, judgemental, and reserved to the point where people don’t approach me. Yet inside I think of myself as friendly, willing to connect, and also sensitive to the point of… Read more »

JokermanMM Member
Jokerman

I’ve got Pluto eyes even tho they’re blue. I’ve had ppl say to me they thought I was a mean bastard then they get to know me and find out I’m a puppy looking for a good belly scratch. But I do good po-face.

BMM Member
B

*sensitive to the point of being uber-fragile, struggling to keep a neutral face on so all the input I’m receiving intuitively from others doesn’t overwhelm me. I’m struggling more with keeping information from coming IN, than I am concerned with what data/vibes I am sending out* yes! Me too

milleunanotte
milleunanotte

The style you’re drawn to, if you love when it suits you, might just make you SMILE when you deliver your comments, and as a frowny thinky in other worldly type myself, i do notice the difference that makes. It’s a real smile of confidence, otherwise at least with me i now understand the smile comes off sharky (Fish, but with no other Water than that). Otherwise, i am kind of noting where the projections of inner self and others’ inner self meet, without hail-fellow-well-met body language candour. Or even with it. Sometimes, it is just not your insecurity or… Read more »

skarabMM Member
skarab

Just read this after i posted. You’re so right Mille, a smile sweetens even the most surly of dispositions – one’s own included (my chart ruler flanked by Pluto & Mars knows of this) It is the best social lubricant.

BMM Member
B

Oh my goodness – I have the exact same issue with smiling, and you describe it so well. It has to be genuine or else it just doesn’t work for me

sphinxMM Member
sphinx

It’s all in the music of voice tone! Honestly people don’t notice a politician who is reassuring, polite, wry and mature in tone bombing the hell out a country or two. As long as you have a nice voice tone you can get away with anything. 60-70% of the time people respond to voice over actual content. I struggle with this also, Mercury rising and all. As my husband likes to tease me, “it’s all in the delivery!”. Good luck with that, 😉

milleunanotte
milleunanotte

Super true, we all hear the call and resonance of each others’ voice.

JokermanMM Member
Jokerman

Good, I’m looking for a good spin bowler, you can join my cricket team too.

BMM Member
B

Very good point! This is something that I’ve come to realise (I work with children and music is like magic, if you say a directive to them they can be resistant but if you sing the same words they will do it happily) but often forget. Perhaps some vocal training could be helpful (and my performative side – moon, Venus and Mars in 5th might really enjoy this)

Silversoulsinger
Silversoulsinger

I’m Aries sun, Cancer rising!!

woowoocappyMM Member
woowoocappy

Love this question. I have Sun square ascendant too! (My sun is Cap in 4th with Mercury and Venus, and my rising is Libra w/Pluto in the first house as well). I think people think I’m evil, lol, because of the Pluto rising but I think I’m just a nice lady. I don’t understand it either. That said, some days I’m definitely channeling a frilly pink lipstick Libra vibe while others I am rocking the no nonsense Capricorn boss lady all dark colors and metallics situation. Not sure which is more suitable (deep down it’s DEFINITELY the Capricorn but I… Read more »

SourPatch
SourPatch

I have Sun opposite Ascendant and I’m a Cancer Sun too….I can definitely relate. Ppl have told me they’re surprised once they get to know me because on first impression I come off cold/severe with a bite? (Probably coming from my Aries mats as well)

Sweet SanityMM Member
Sweet Sanity

I can really relate to this! I have Mars rising and have the same problem, people reacting unexpectedly to simple comments. Someone replied sarcastically “geez tell me what you really think!” to me once, I was completely shocked. Ive had to really try to express myself differently. For example, consciously thanking people more.

TheFieryCrabMM Member
TheFieryCrab

I don’t know if this will be helpful but as a Cancer Sun and a Leo Rising; I try to think of my fiery ascendant as protection from being exploited. It helps me set boundaries with people I meet, and assess who I am going to allow in. Cancer Suns are usually so gentle and yielding, and it is often that we can be too caring, too empathetic and in-tune with the needs of others. And it plays into what Mystic mentions in her reply – the idea that you can both be direct and also soft is something that… Read more »

JokermanMM Member
Jokerman

So Aries can be rude, on occassions, and when this shows up it can be unsettling. In stark relief to your compatible Sun/Moon as it were. I thought the clerk had noticed it as well, not just your partner. I understand Aries energy having a 1H Sun & Uran and Aries SN.

When some ppl ask me why they are not like their ‘Star sign’ I often find a sq or opp in either the Asc or Moon. Or a stellium or conjuction with, especially, the personal planets.

Plum
Plum

Even if you were slightly curt, I wouldn’t blame you. If I’m spending the day shopping, so going in many shops, I find it wearing to have to politely deflect the staff in every one. I know it’s what they are told to do but, honestly, if I need help I will ask for it. I imagine many people feel like this, and Virgonator makes a good point, that your response – if indeed it was anything less than welcoming – might not be wholly attributable to your Aries ascendant.

PiMM Member
Pi

bit out of left field but what if you try videoing yourself in conversation with a trusted friend or 3, after explaining this situ? it sounds like the partner didn’t describe you as rude , but rather that your tone didn’t fit the circumstances. i suppose it’s up to the shop assistant how they receive that though. i have talky mouthy acid tongued gemini asc exactly square my big thinking 9th house pisces sunmercury. so i relate. kind of merciful pisces vs would-be joan rivers slay. god, it’s awful. i mean it’s great, but it really confuses ppl, most of… Read more »

BMM Member
B

Interesting idea! Not sure if I could get past the squirmishness of seeing/hearing myself on film though. Spot on about the partner. The confusion is what irks me too! I just want to be ‘alignned’

scorpiodawnMM Member
scorpiodawn

yayyy…getting hair CUT this week…venus retro b damned…aries moon…

birdMM Member
bird

Yayyyyy!!! Aries venus/moon/mercury – got mine chopped into a SHORT pixie last week and have had some amazing compliments. The cut is a style I wore for years, so maybe it worked out because I was going back? Have fun with your cut! Also moved house, which is another no-no, but i’m ecstatic with the new place, and again, it was a return to a beloved location i’ve lived in before. Confused Cancer, the way I appear to others and my communication style are quite at odds with my inner life and interests, and the conflict can result in painful… Read more »

scorpiodawnMM Member
scorpiodawn

saturn in leo too!

MissDeeMM Member
MissDee

“is it possible that you weren’t rude but he just does not like Mars directness from you?”
Oh Mystic I am loving this take. I believe that, especially on women, the martian vibe is often criticized as rude.

PlutoMoonMM Member
PlutoMoon

Yes – knowing where her Mars is would be informative as well, sign and house. Maybe her Mars is in her 7th? My sister has this placement and she comes off as abrasive when she doesn’t (always) mean to.

BMM Member
B

Hi! Mars in Virgo, 5th house

BLISS WITCHMM Member
BLISS WITCH

YES!! Still growing into my mars in my 30s and a long way to go. I’ve got Libra rising but with Mars/Pluto in Scorpio in the 1st house. And my moon in Aries. I definitely seesaw between my goofy/far-out 5 planets in Sag and Always-Wanting-to-be-Liked-Libra Asc and the deadly serious Martian quotient. I like to be serious and playful. Learning to stand in my own power these days. OH AND THIS IS HUGE. I’ve decided to stop talking shit about myself. I’ve only recently realized how frequently I self-deprecate to “make other people feel comfortable.” What in the actual fuq… Read more »

HelMM Member
Hel

my rising sign is Virgo ( toro sun), but i have Pluto in my 1. house, libra, and it is on my progressed AC. i really dont vibe with my past Virgo, and if anybody is attracted to my old st Virgo vibe, i just feel like ripping their heart out, and they get it when i look at them.
People feel the Pluto, should i let it shine more freely? Do a scorpio “dress your Ascendant”?

HelMM Member
Hel

Ah..i forgot that i should consider the house placement. i really hate rules, and Mercury+ Sun in 9th house Saggo, makes sense. This makes me happy. i do believe that dressing your rising sign makes sense….but i have been terrified of looking like i want to serve. i abselutely do not want to do that. Freedom to do whatever i want to whenever i want to i important to me. ( now i con relax my angst of being trapped…and maybe pretend i am travelling even when i am not, could that be a thing?Hmm..I have even had years of… Read more »

PiMM Member
Pi

i tend to befriend Virgo risings (I am pisces sun), and I can say that i never see my friends as ‘ looking like they want to serve’ !! hahah so you can relax, sadge lady. the vibe that they *do* seem to have in common is: attentiveness to their interpersonal conduct, a kind of composed aura, very politely spoken (unless we’re all going feral, i.e. they’re not judgemental they just happen to choose suitable words and demeanour in relevant company,), very sartorially aware. And – yes – virgo risings are genuinely helpful people. it’s like gemini rising has 38… Read more »

HelMM Member
Hel

Thank you! This has really been bugging me for some time, and this helped. I like your sample, and i can relate to your examples. I am so glad being virgo rising does not give me a sticker on my forehead saying “I am your slave, please use me” In the end I guess it is the opposition to my Aries moon that is the real issue. I am so happy I have that moon, the last few years all it could say was NO, and Go Away!…and it has been so liberating. I never ever do things just to… Read more »

PiMM Member
Pi

Haha I bet they do, with fire sun moon behind the mild front!

LaurelMM Member
Laurel

As a forthright Aries, I say screw ’em. That’s PROBABLY unhelpful. 😛 I wasn’t impressed with the partner either. If one more man says that I’m bossy, or pushy or aggressive when I am direct, truthful and no-games, I’m going to boink them on the head. BTW If you tack a “thank you for asking” on the end, it sounds sarcastic. You can’t win. Be straight and truthful in every day dealings and use that to hide your warm, tender Cancerian heart except when you clearly need to up the empathy. And don’t let anyone – a partner, a shop… Read more »

VirgonatorMM Member
Virgonator

I have a hard time imagining how “no thanks” could warrant a death stare almost any way it was pronounced. Reminds me of a shop attendant I saw yesterday who grabbed a rewards card out of a man’s hand to swipe it for him. She then went to hand it back to him and his fingers must have brushed hers (understandable, as she was moving very quickly and he was old and slow) at which point she screams “ow,” and starts to go on in the most passive aggressive way possible how it hurts her when people touch her hands.… Read more »

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