Is Mars Retrograde A Good Time To Break Up?

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Mars Retrograde Break Up

Hello Gorgeous

So is Retro Mars a good time to disconnect from a poorly chosen male partner? Or is divorce too much like warfare to consider at this time? And what if I have natal Mars in Aquarius, does that strengthen the case in either direction? 

PS if it adds any value to know, I’m spreadsheeting this divorce. It includes all my doubts and fears, with options, strategies and decisions made/to be made. So it’s a clear path forward and I’m not halted by fear of the unknown. I might be Piscean but my Moon in Capricorn has been holding the reins this week. 

Much love, 

The Fish Maiden

Mars Retro Is Optimal For A Controlled And Objective Audit

Dear Fish Maiden,

This is a really good question. I think that a Mars Retrograde break up fits with the concept of reconsidering one’s gambits, choices and – yes – male partners. Mars = Men in traditional astrology. So obviously it’s a yes to just scarpering from the scene of anything abusive or toxic. I would  hope that goes without saying. If it is not active hell then Mars Retro is optimal for precisely the sort of controlled and objective audit that you are doing.

I love the spreadsheet. The classic S.W.O.T. plan – Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats – is also effective when applied to relationships. It’s more typically used to assess a vocational or business scene but i find it helps to focus for even the more emotional and personal issues. They say it was invented in the Sixties but i also read somewhere that Alexander The Great used it…which i love, obviously.

As far as your question goes, it’s a no to anything drastic and obviously hostile or vengeful – throwing crap out on the street, venomous posting on social media or changing the locks without notice are poor form during Mars Retro, Or, arguably at any time without extenuating circumstances. Remember also that you need to be separated from someone to obtain a divorce. So you won’t be initiating legal action during Mars Retro, as such.

If it is not pressing, get some therapy round the scenario – just for an objective ‘take’ on the alliance. Or even couples therapy.  But it sounds like you’re certain from deep within your psyche re this. So if this IS the case, devise an elegant exit strategy and wait until – ideally – the New Moon Solar Eclipse on July 12/13.  That’s a clarity inducer and a half.

And YES there are a heap of break ups and other definitive decisions at the moment. Mars in Aquarius initiates extreme, lucid detachment.

What does everyone else think?

 

Image: Virginia Echeverria

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LibraLilithPiprowlncrabGemyogiLuna Tickle Recent comment authors
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Luna Tickle
Luna Tickle

Ahhyup. I feel like I have been losing my grip on my marriage more and more with an especially thorny eve last night. I have no doubt we are experiencing the hellfire of the planet cocktail right now, my conviction is running on fumes that I can keep digging my way to my depths and out the other side WITH him on this one. I keep waiting for some breakthrough to come. [My Sun and Mars in Virgo, buddied up against my Venus in Libra all still in sixth–and my rising is Aqua–His sun in Pisces, Virgo Rising, Venus (and… Read more »

ÁNLEIFR
ÁNLEIFR

Off topic but same premise, is it OK to change jobs during Mars retro?

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

Hmm, maybe? Is it something you’ve been preparing for already or is it a new initiative? From my own experience, I would not do anything that requires new initiative during Mars retro. If it is something that is already underway and this is just the final push then that would be okay. Mars retro is for planning and scheming. Mars direct is for action.

ÁNLEIFR
ÁNLEIFR

hmm, thank you. Well, yes and no I guess. Been looking for a few months but haven’t been offered anything yet. Potential interviews coming up though.

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

Sounds like it was already underway then, so you should be fine. If there’s a good fit then they will be the ones doing the offering and you the accepting. Receiving is Venus – work your Venus! And Jupiter turns direct next Tuesday as well (you are Sadge, no?) so that will be onside for you as well. I think you are in a good position. Good luck! 🙂

ÁNLEIFR
ÁNLEIFR

Thank you. Yes, i am Sag with Cap Rising.

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

OK so your solar ruling planet, Jupiter, is about to go direct again in Scorpio, and your chart ruler, Saturn, is in its domicile, and they are currently in a supportive sextile. Do you have planets in Scorpio, which I assume is your 11th house? If so, I would lean on those right now and network your ass off. 😉

ÁNLEIFR
ÁNLEIFR

Yes, natally I have Venus, Uranus and MC in Scorpio. Scorpio is my 10th house, my 11th house is Sag.
Current transit shows Jupiter in Scorpio. Yes, Jupiter is currently sextile Saturn.

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

Even better! Jupiter going direct in your 10th house (of careers/public life – also ruled by Saturn, your chart ruler) near your Venus/Uranus/MC is super auspicious. Still, I would network and then let them come to you during Mars retro (Mars is a co-ruler of Scorpio, so it co-rules your 10th house along with Pluto). I also have Venus in Scorpio (and Jupiter, and Neptune) so I am enjoying the hell out of my Jupiter return. I’m a Sag rising so Jupiter is my ruling planet – I always can find a reason to celebrate Jupiter, lol. You’re a Sag,… Read more »

ÁNLEIFR
ÁNLEIFR

Oh wow, thank you! You have given me much hope! By the way, how do you like that Venus in Scorpio placement? I thought something was wrong with me until I found out about astrology and what this placement is. It can be super tough sometimes!!

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

I’m a Libra, so Venus is my solar ruler. I have it conjunct my Jupiter, my chart ruler, in 11th house Scorpio. Jupiter boosts it up to a more positive vibe, for sure. Neptune in Scorpio is in my 12th – that one is weird. I also have Sun (early Libra) conjunct Pluto (late Virgo), and Moon in Cancer in the 8th house in an exact sextile with Pluto, it’s my closest aspect – hence the screen name. I’m all Pluto-d up – I’m like a secret Scorpio, a Scorpio in sheep’s clothing, lol. I think this has given me… Read more »

ÁNLEIFR
ÁNLEIFR

You sound so intriguing!

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

🙂
What does your screen name mean? Is it a Norse god kind of thing?

ÁNLEIFR
ÁNLEIFR

Oh you good! Close, it is an old Norse name meaning “heir of the ancestors”.

ÁNLEIFR
ÁNLEIFR

I have moon sextile Pluto too!

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

Oh cool, what sign/houses are your moon/pluto?

ÁNLEIFR
ÁNLEIFR

Pluto is in Libra, 9th house.
Moon is in Leo, 7th house.

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

Ah, ok cool! I think you are a few years younger than me then, based on your Pluto. My Pluto is in the 9th too (late Virgo), but my moon is in early 8th house Cancer. I have Gemini on my descendant – but I reckon you have Cancer dsc due to your Cap rising. My Venus is at 14 deg Scorpio, my Jup at 6 Sco, and Neptune at 28 Sco. Where are your Scorpio points? Astrology is so awesome. 🙂

ÁNLEIFR
ÁNLEIFR

My Venus is at 14 deg too!
MC is at 17 deg
Uranus is at 19 deg

also my Jupiter is in Leo, 7th house same as my moon.

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

We’re Venus twins! That rocks! <3 And you have Moon-Jupiter in Leo?! You DO like to party, lol.

ÁNLEIFR
ÁNLEIFR

lol well, I used to a lot more.
Venus twins! that is awesome, what does it mean?

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

Yeah I don’t party anymore either, lol. Been there, done that. Venus conjunct Venus in synastry means we share the same values, and approach love the same way. It’s a harmonious, cooperative aspect. It’s a good vibe. 🙂

ÁNLEIFR
ÁNLEIFR

can you email me: teucer @ outlook dot com

ÁNLEIFR
ÁNLEIFR

” I always can find a reason to celebrate Jupiter, lol. You’re a Sag, you understand. ” – LOL you are right! I can also find a reason to celebrate 🙂

ÁNLEIFR
ÁNLEIFR

I recommend Mystic’s “Mars Mastery”. By the way Mystic, I LOVE YOUR VOICE and ACCENT!

Vuldaen
Vuldaen

Omg… I’m totally feeling the same. Asking myself the same question and also natal Mars in Aqua. I’m so detached from my relationship right now and feel that’s it hard to re-attach. I don’t feel comfortable doing so either but I don’t hate him either… It’s just not working for me and I can’t open up because I don’t feel comfortable with it. Frustrating.

Ms Muckabout
Ms Muckabout

It seems I’ve broken up with everyone, even myself to some degree.

redondo.bleach
redondo.bleach

Same

Jokerman
Jokerman

I said to myself, “If you leave me, can l come too?”.

flowerchild
flowerchild

This is exactly how I feel, and will probably act on some of it, too. I’ve hit an ending point with so many people (including long-time friends)/places (including the city I live in), things (belongings that have broken or worn out or I can’t stand them anymore!, and clothes, hair, etc. that have to do with self-image), and my career. I’m sure this will all feel better in time, but it doesn’t feel good right now!
I have Aqua Sun and Mercury so maybe I’m feeling the Mars retro more as an Aqua?

Gemyogi
Gemyogi

Time to Phoenix again, FC! good luck xx

prowlncrab
prowlncrab

Same same. Maybe it’s a natal Mars in Aqua with transiting Mars in Aqua retro kinda thing? I’m so detached and logically driven right now I’m surprised I haven’t sprouted pointy ears and a Caesar haircut. I’m finding the constant emotional blathering on social media to be utterly tedious. I actually far prefer this and hope it stays – having Cancer sun and venus can be a rail pain in the arse.

Btw, seems to be a lot of natal Mars in Aqua people around here.

dizzarina
dizzarina

I’ve noticed that, too! As well as Mars in Virgo

prowlncrab
prowlncrab

and Gemini Asc

VSLR
VSLR

I’ve never been the one to break things up before. Always been left. This time I have to make a decision and I don’t know where to even begin. Massive anxiety. I’ve crossed some boundaries such as fb stalking. He’s made a big deal of it. So much has happened for the past 2 years – I can’t go on like this not knowing where I stand with him. I feel like he is me exactly waiting for me to make the move to make it easier. Something has to happen soon and I have the feeling it has to… Read more »

SheRat
SheRat

Hand to God! I’m spreadsheeting everything from now on!

Syrena
Syrena

I’m in this scenario re: a job I started on impulse, but it’s dangerous enough that I’m making a break for it asap. There’s unpleasant, and then there’s learning you work for a medical con artist. I do like the objective audit attitude, though. My Aqua rising loves that stuff.

I also wanted to add that since I listened to your Mars mastery and housewitch mp3s, I hear your voice when I read your responses/posts, and I love that.

Pi
Pi

I just had another thought. You could check the transits to your composite relationship chart . I think ppl use the Davison chart? What would others recommend? ( There are variations even within that). Bob Marks astrologer talks about looking at your own chart ‘in relationship to’ the relationship chart, which makes an enormous amount of sense to me. So to look at transits etc to the relationship itself might be interesting.
Good luck, fish maiden.

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

Divorce IS war. Once you initiate that process, your man who you are accustomed to treating you with kindness will turn cold on you in a heartbeat and you will be shocked to discover the level of enmity he can have for you once he accepts that it’s over and that you’ve rejected him. I’ve done this twice – never again. Whether that means I will never marry again (I’m with gemyogi now, I’m failing to see the point and what is in it for me, though having a nice partner with his own house/money/job would be nice), or only… Read more »

Gemyogi
Gemyogi

PM, hilariously when I read ‘I’m with gemyogi’ I thought you were saying WE were in a relationship… lol and my first thought was what? there’s another gemyogi here?

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

LOL!

Gemyogi
Gemyogi

Also, you’ve made me decide never to marry, even if I meet a man I want to live with. As a protest against the patriarchy lol

joolz
joolz

Thank you for the honesty. I’m on the verge myself, with a young child and trying to be 100% sure it’s the right move, due to suspicions of most of what you write about.

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

It’s so hard. I knew two years in that I had made a grave mistake, but waited ten more before I felt like the time was right enough to leave. And even then it was dicey. Of course, the man I was married to turned out to be a complete psychopath, so I really hope your situation is not as bad as mine was. I wish you the very best and please know you deserve happiness, peace, and love, and if you are sure you need to go then make sure your plan is in order when you make your… Read more »

LibraLilith
LibraLilith

Weird, I’m in a very similar situation and my Mars is also in Aquarius (17 deg)
I was going to post exactly the same q and I’ve got to the point where I’ve finally hit a very rational and thought through decision. Thanks for asking and good luck,

kava
kava

My husband and I nearly broke up during the full moon. His untreated ADHD is so frustrating and resentment-making for both of us. He comes from a culture where such things are shamed and not discussed plus his Moon conj Merc & Saturn in Capricorn in his 4th is like a calcified cork stuck in his mental and emotional flow. When we’re good, the friendship, the sex, the rapport, the EVERYTHING is great. When he’s not in a good place… well. Sometimes I wonder if it’s possible to recover from some of the horrible things said during a meltdown. I… Read more »

Chrysalis
Chrysalis

That Merc conj Saturn would be a harsh teacher when it comes to saying what can’t be taken back. I wish you clarity through it. Your love for him shines through your words but I can understand how hard this must be.

kava
kava

Thank you Chrysalis. This helped to read.

seawitchmermaid
seawitchmermaid

Mine has untreated ADHD as well, and it can be really challenging at times (he has some other stuff going on as well). It was fascinating to me to learn the ways it affects self and relationships beyond the obvious. I was reading about it online and it was like someone was spying on our relationship. He also comes from a place of shame and denial. After over a year of my “suggesting” he finally agreed to seek help, and is now experiencing delays on the practioners side! He has mars in aqua in the 6th natally so I guess… Read more »

Lili
Lili

On ADHD This sounds tough- Mars retro is a chance to (as much as you can) disengage. Re ADHD- that can be the least of the iceberg- OCD, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, anxiety, emotional regulation- can all be in the mix. Also- giftedness=asynchronous development. 35 year old may be at age 15 in terms of sorting emotions. My resources/help for my 2nd kid now adult- came from SENG- Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted- http://sengifted.org/resources/articles-for-individuals/ For my sanity-Jessica Snow’s beautiful meditations, and the concept of living “as if” Pray Rain Journal- Jeannette Maw and Kim Falconer Good Vibe University. And… Read more »

kava
kava

Thank you for your considered response Lili! I will look into all of these – and yes the Greek Chorus portending of constant tragedy from family of origin! May Aqua Mars zap them

Lili
Lili

You are not alone- and these retro periods often bring focus- solutions to distress now woven into our daily dealings. Wishing you the right healers at the right time. xx

prowlncrab
prowlncrab

hahaha @ the Greek Chorus. They don’t speak – they yell (I am one).

skarab
skarab

LOLOL! Greek Chorus!…….. perfect.

milleunanotte
milleunanotte

You are reading, he is waiting for practitioner; this is much more equivalent effort than Kava’s situation.

Kava, while your love and effort is clear, may i mention that within the last few days a friend mentioned the “sunk cost” fallacy. Do you feel like the astro is going to flash a lightning bolt of understanding over your partner? It might, and then what will partner actually DO with that, that you have not already done? Step by step, what will he do, do you think?
Xoxo

kava
kava

The sunk cost fallacy is one I think about a lot. I suppose I’m hoping the Astro helps find a way for him to prioritise, even for a day, his own mental clarity and health. I have zero doubt of his love or commitment whatsoever. But trying to counteract forty years of his cultural brainwashing that his only value is to be a breadwinner and pay off every relative’s debts. The time and money involved in full further testing and medication/treatment etc is a struggle to come by because it would require stepping away from supporting his family (I don’t… Read more »

kava
kava

That is also where we are at- mine took his assessment to his (ancient and curmudgeonly) GP who declared he didn’t believe in ADHD and didn’t bother to refer him onwards to a specialist. So we’re now at the bottom of a waiting list publicly, unless we pay exorbitantly to speed the process up with a private practitioner.
Thank you for your solidarity!

prowlncrab
prowlncrab

I’m pretty sure that the public system won’t deal with an ADHD patient either. They don’t acknowledge it as a mental health issue. Psychiatrists who specialise in ADHD have to be registered with the Health Department in order to be legally allowed to prescribe medication – which is basically a stimulant and therefore considered a controlled substance. The primary treatment for adults diagnosed with ADHD is either dexamphetamine which is fast acting but has a short half life, or a newer treatment called Lisdexamfetamine (brand name Vyvanse) which has a slower onset, but lasts longer (approx. 8-10 hours). To get… Read more »

prowlncrab
prowlncrab

My partner has ADHD and PTSD so I get how these can be a real strain on the relationship. When we first got together I got very involved with his “recovery” to the point where we were toxically co-dependant. Now I stand back and let him manage his own issues with his therapist and treating doctor. Unless I’m specifically asked for something, I tend to take a hands off approach and allow him the grace to sort out his own problems (as well as put the focus back onto my own life). That being said it was a real rollercoaster… Read more »

prowlncrab
prowlncrab

Oh and I should mention that when I met him he was not getting any treatment aside from taking a bunch of medications. He had a huge backlog of unprocessed junk to wade through. I encouraged and I supported and I did all the nice things. Then I got fucked off with all his bullshit and walked out the door. THAT’S when he got help. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

Pi
Pi

That’s the conclusion I reached with the neptunian Toro. Ptsd related addiction issues. The angry pisces before that just had bad coping and conflict mgt strategies. I realised you cant love someone into a better place, not when you’re constantly fending and dealing and placating or resigning yourself to or soothing and all that shit that goes along with growing up never learning how to give healthy respect to your own needs and wants. Motto now: All care, no responsibility
So after my Chiron aqua mars transit of 2009 ish, that’s kind of where that ended up.

Pi
Pi

Arm’s length love means you can still give them pats, lol

Pi
Pi

You can lead a horse to water, and then go and make yourself some lunch hahaha

prowlncrab
prowlncrab

Yes yes and yes! I don’t know if it’s purely our bodgy relationship programming or also beliefs inherited from pop culture with all its idealised take on love (unless you watch loads of foreign films with subtitles – the Scandinavians can be pretty ruthless about male/female relationships). 😉

Pi
Pi

Ha, bodgy programming in my case , but I can see how it would be either. I was raised to scoff at swoony romance crap but I learnt (all by myself lol and only into my v late 30s) that I actually probably secretly love it, I didn’t know people actually related like this without it necessarily being an act of fraud tenderness, affection, vulnerability and gentleness not exactly love languages in my 100% aquarian 100% earth moon cap mars/south node family lol So it was wierd. You had the Pluto Saturn boundary thing, and I am starting to think… Read more »

prowlncrab
prowlncrab

In either case, what I needed was a good thump by Pluto in the 8th, a kick up the arse by Saturn in the 6th (for what has seemed like eons) and a nice big dose of AQUA reality. As opposed to Neptunian reality, which is not really any kind of reality that exists in this universe. 😆

Pi
Pi

The concept and allure of marriage continues to elude me, and thus the machinations of divorce.
irrespective of the timing. this is a separation, so keep an eye on your pisces components for heart-wellbeing, but when cap moon takes over there’s no stopping that train.
I’d also consider transits and aspects to your 7th (mariage), 8th (shared assets, shared debt) and 9th house (legals).
Have you had a chat with the I Ching about this?

Gemyogi
Gemyogi

‘allure’ of marriage? what allure? lol
As a 54 yo independent woman, what would make me want to get married, in the traditional sense? Nothing. I am past child bearing. I love being in charge of my life. I don’t ‘need’ a man. I do like weddings and the excuse to have a big party and invite my friends and family is a nice idea. But I would want to maintain my own house and not join up finances…
yeah… nah

Gemyogi
Gemyogi

I would be so like… so what is the advantage to me?? pros and cons

Gemyogi
Gemyogi

There would have to be a very good reason for me to marry… plus there would definitely be a pre-nup 😀

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

I’m with you, girl. Been married and divorced twice – never again. I’ve got my two kids and won’t be having any more so I’m free now. Parties are great – but not when they come with legal shackling. I just don’t see the point anymore. Why would you want to put the one you love the best in chains? It seems sociopathic to me now. Especially when the last one I left nearly murdered me for leaving (literally), for stealing his property (me) from him. I never would have dreamed that could happen when we got married, but things… Read more »

Gemyogi
Gemyogi

lol… yes. There would have to be some really good financial reason for me to marry (mind you I have considered marrying an EU national for the passport) or if someone offered to be my art patron, support me and buy me a country property etc. *And* could never take it back… when they fall in love they promise you the world, but when they fall out, they get vengeful and nasty. Or if my future husband was famous (and respected) and that could make me famous and hence mean my art work would be valued… etc. If there were… Read more »

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

So many ways it could be made better. Definitely the idea of “marrying for love” is kind of a disaster, IMO. Mostly because people don’t really know what love is and are really marrying for sex/infatuation, which is a foolish foundation. I don’t really like the idea of marrying to gain things from each other either. Just the whole institution is patriarchal and fucked up. We have so many ways to prove paternity now, why not just bypass the marriage/last name taking thing and just have paternity testing be binding and the father has to help, period. To me, that’s… Read more »

Pi
Pi

Yes. In my opinion, marriage is a capitalist construct (supported by religion) designed to keep women in subservient roles and men under pressure to perform, in whatever way you want to read that. Harsh, maybe but I can’t think of one married+children ladyfriend who isn’t pretty fecking tired. I so uave trouble understanding the benefits. I dont mean that in a shallow way. But if a way of life leaves you drained of vitality for months / years on end and is pretty likely to end in divorce or at least a level of acrimony or ennui that is difficult… Read more »

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

Haha! No, you don’t sound like a jerk. You sound discerning. I’m the same way. I’m like “Are you a freakin’ grown up? Do you binge drink like a frat boy or do you mind your alcohol intake? Do you exercise at all? Do you make your own preventative health care appointments? Do you do your own laundry? Correctly? Do you know how to properly have sex with a woman, or do you just use women as masturbatory tools/sex dolls? Do you actually believe women are autonomous people? Can you honestly tell me how you feel? Can we talk about… Read more »

Pi
Pi

The drinking thing, and (potential) lovers.
. Do you have a sticky Neptune or Chiron aspect to a personal planet or a relationship house in your chart?

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

I have Neptune in Scorpio in the 12th, square NN in Pisces in the 3rd. I’ve done my fair share of hard drinking and drug “experimentation.” Never had any kind of drinking problem or drug addiction though. Chiron is on the IC, opposite Uranus/Sun/Pluto on the MC. I’m not against moderate drinking, though I rarely drink anymore myself due to personal choice, (I don’t like the way alcohol makes me feel anymore, I prefer lucidity and good sleep plus alcohol is a depressant and I really feel the depressant qualities now, perhaps due to age, who knows), but the dudes… Read more »

Jokerman
Jokerman

I drink everyso often. Maybe twice a month and actually have had anything for about 4 weeks. I prefer whiskey. There is a coupla mates that when l see em l will have 2, maybe 3, drinks with em. (I esp enjoy a Taurus and Virgo’s company). When l say, “no more”, they say “what’s wrong?”. I say, “Nothing ….and I want to keep it that way!”.

I over-smoked and over-drank and over-tripped too much when l was a teen.

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

Yeah, my partying days definitely happened early on in my life as well. Perhaps that causes me to see that behavior as immature now? Good response to your mates, btw, the “nothing, and I want to keep it that way!” 😉

Gemyogi
Gemyogi

Exactly!

LibraLilith
LibraLilith

Oh wow I’m copying that list of q’s an screening any potential future man with it.

sphinx
sphinx

You don’t sound like a jerk, these reality check points should be handed out to girls contemplating marriage. 😀

Chrysalis
Chrysalis

Could not have said it better myself. If we set the man aside for a moment, the institution itself failed me miserably. The idea that the state has to have a stake in who I choose to live with or take into my bed troubles me more with every passing year. Post Chiron return I can’t imagine ever wanting to share finances again. It burnt me the first time – never again.

Gemyogi
Gemyogi

I decided long ago I’d never change my last name and I’d also want any children to have my surname as well as the fathers. Maybe luckily I didn’t have that fight

milleunanotte
milleunanotte

Oh god i hate weddings, even though i love that eye to eye moment of the ceremony where the two look at each other….all melt and tear up who witness it! Cannot countenance any person conservative enough to want marriage, who is also growth oriented, no matter how slow or circumstancially driven; and also appreciative of the in- law situs for both of us enough to even want the ceremony with all the in-law shit it would entail! But i love the enduring marriages of my nearest and dearest (mostly) even while some of them are hard hard work that… Read more »

Gemyogi
Gemyogi

People these days don’t have the stomach for hard work, self sacrifice and compromise, which, in part, is what makes those enduring marriages work.

Pi
Pi

Allure as in, for some people, getting or being married is a major life goal. They really want it. Its a thing. For others, not so much. You and I, for example, are in the second camp.

I think my moon sq Venus (+ Chiron ) makes me forever conflicted – the men I want to sleep with are generally not the same ones I want to cohabit with.

Pi
Pi

The ” not potentially an asshole” factor is also a thing

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

The true assholes don’t let you know they’re an asshole until it’s too late, of course.

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

Yes, and I think there’s a lot of cultural pressure to jump into the game, too. Now that I’m older, and been through it twice, I realize marriage is probably not for me. But my younger self felt like it was a rite of passage and a requirement for success in life. Along with graduating from university, it was just what you were supposed to do. Same with having babies. I think that clock ticking pushed me into relationships that were definitely unhealthy, and had I felt I had more time to rationally consider things I may have chosen differently.… Read more »

Gemyogi
Gemyogi

yes! the cultural pressure is enormous. I basically dodged a bullet all these years. *if* I’d met someone in my 20s or 30s who I really clicked with and loved, and who was single and loved me back, I probably would have done it, just to ‘prove’ to my friends and family that ‘someone’ wanted me. the smugness and attitudes towards single women is still ridiculous and hard not to buy into and feel ‘what’s wrong with me?’ why can’t I find a man? everyone says I’m so attractive and lovely?
I used to say those things to myself too, lol

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

Single women are dangerous. Even now as I’m approaching 50, women certainly don’t want me around their husbands and men don’t really want me around their wives, lol. All for good reason, I’m sure – freedom is both a thrill and a threat.

Chrysalis
Chrysalis

It’s really true, isn’t it. Society doesn’t know what to do with single women in our 50s who refuse to conform to the only available stereotypes. I’m reading ‘All the Single Ladies’ right now and it’s eye-opening.

Gemyogi
Gemyogi

Or single women of any age really!

Gemyogi
Gemyogi

I helped organise a 30 year high school reunion, and took the attitude, when old school friends asked me if I was married or had kids ‘No, I’ve managed to escape all that’ ! which wasn’t far from the truth

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

I recently went to my 30 yr high school reunion (my friend dragged me to it, lol), and felt relieved to be out of the marriage game as well. And yes, you did manage to escape! Best lesson from all the crap I’ve been through, though, is I’ve learned to listen to myself more, honor my intuition, trust my inner guidance system. Trite, but it has made me stronger.

Chrysalis
Chrysalis

I’m a multi-planet 7th houser in Pisces so the pull to be in a partnership is strong, but I will never again settle for something not right for me, simply to be partnered up.

baristagem
baristagem

I’ve never wanted to get married. I can’t even imagine ever being married.

bird
bird

I had been wondering about this. Thanks. I was going to ask a similar question about some relationship dynamics at play in my life.

SilkCharm
SilkCharm

I have natal mars Rx opp Saturn. This is exactly what I do, all the time. I kinda assumed everyone else does. LOL. I am always a bit shocked by drama and fights and sudden breakups. Where was their exit strategy, and spreadsheet and goals plan in a nice folder hmmm?

Mystic Medusa
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