The Crypto Married People

I went for a sort of a hike with a Quadruple Sagittarius Business Whiz on the weekend and among other subjects, we discussed The Crypto-Married People. It’s not only a thing, it seems that every large city has a (leafy, suburban, middle class) region where they congregate.  So this dialogue occurred because i mentioned a Virgo gentleman who was interested in me – compliments, an actual date proposed and all. I know. Like a relic from the 20th Century.

Anyway, i looked at his socials and voila the wifey. Upon asking him about this person and whether or not he thought this could have an impact on his dating intentions, he said “I don’t really see myself as married.” Okay, well i don’t really see myself as single. I am actually in an ‘arrangement’ with Christian Bale, having met when he sought me out for my views on Saturn, Pluto and the psyche of Bruce Wayne.  Seriously, is not really seeing yourself as married a version of L.O.A.?

Then i blamed my Venus-Neptune trine – again – for having attracted this sort of loopy vibe in. But no, says Quadruple Sagittarius Business Whiz, he is just “crypto married” as are probably a third of the people in any area repeatedly described in the media as “leafy” or “aspirational.”  She thinks it is to do with global asset bubbles and people not wanting to actually officially split assets, change weekend routines or disturb any stagnant waters of their psyche.

Will Pluto in Aquarius and robots for everything change any of this? Have you ever been or ARE you crypto-married? Thoughts?

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211 thoughts on “The Crypto Married People

    • Noooo that was a jest riffing off what my married Virgo said. If he had of asked me, i would not have mentioned it. I keep all my clients biz super-confidential, regardless of whether they have a public profile or not.

      • Saggi naïveté re- marital status- so jejeune as current digital xrays reveal all.

        My 1st big love was Kataka multiple Saggi- similarly inclined but his wife begs to differ. Saggi=the chase is the thing.

  1. Yesterday I had a conversation with a women and she was convinced I was married. It was assumed I was and had children, I have known this women for almost a year. People do like to assume a narrative that fits their perceptions of you.

    I do prescribe to the notion that this current astro is really pinging off the societal fabric of morals, virtues and beliefs. This has got me wondering if it’s all this retrograde action, and in particular the true node influence. Hormonal regressions and adjustments seem to be the current flavour.

    • Ha… Projections are so strange. This week I had someone assume I was in my 20s… And another assume I was in my 50s. (Wish that the 20s assumption had happened first… Would have saved me a mini breakdown).

      • Bless the interesting Medicatrix.

        I just received a contact from a guy I refer to as The Pickle. Let’s just say I won’t be contacting him. Was in fact one Zombie Love Story enough? Oh heck I smell the strange linger.

        Thank you book with face messenger for tossing up that sort of moody nautical schizz.

      • Haha! I am the opp now. I love being mistaken for my actual age or older. Who wants to be mistaken for a hormonally challenged life-is-confusing 20 something when you have experience and gravitas behind you now? I like looking like my best self via working out and good eating, etc. but i will not bother with crap like dyeing my hair unless it is fun.
        i am marked by life not beyond my sell-by date just because i don’t look like a nubile co-ed anymore with the application of chemicals and coatings.
        i jack-hammered that bit of self-hating ingrained misogyny out the door though during this Saturn on my Asc transit.

    • I’m still trying to remember my theatre training to smile in a lovely way when asked about children, before responding, instead of what still comes out as a horrified and possibly repulsed/bewildered expression.

      • I mentioned having worked for a Government department and my nervous breakdown.
        She said “40, oh it’s all downhill from there.”

        Even had a friend say to me this week “Oh you just can’t handle bullshit.” Fakery has always pissed me off and I just can’t tolerate the ebb and flow of faux conversations.

        • I have never been able to and am theatre training, just to know how to keep the wheels greased and turning so everyone can get on with their day.

          This will never interfere with my radar. It will be more like a better skill in deflecting the bs from taking my energy from my own good and hard work.

          Not too grand at it but so far, I am noticing less feeding of the fqerel, and more nodding twinkly eyed compliance. Those people notably handle my sharp side much better now that i’ve learned to “grease the social wheel” Anyone truly greasy is of course still trying but has less grip.

          Gonna keep working on it. I don’t lose a thing, but only because my 12th to Rising conjunctions and 5th Fire and Wound resonating with my MC have needed some kind of bandaid integration that can truly afford me some space and creative flow. It’s a weird lesson for me: in “faking it”, i’m not, but actually creating space to stop engaging in the trivia.

          That may not spring forth in your world/context, but if it helps a bit, here it is.

      • hahaha I get this sometimes… i am a bit evil (eris ftw) so I just shrug and say “nope!” smile and move on. some ppl look confused. I think I secretly get a kick out of that. there’s a bit of recalculating and working out what topic to turn to if it’s not progeny. Usually i just skip along to the next interesting thing to talk about 🙂 better in the art world though. Such matters are neither here nor there. we’re there for other reasons
        i’m noticing men seem to think, but not ask, the question (wise move fellas).

        • You’ve distinguished it! Used to socialising in the art/music world, and just getting on with it in my work world. Now i’m managing people and therefore being also managed by superiors in a different way, i’ve had to re-calibrate.

          In the work world, men wouldn’t even think about asking it; it’s always women, and there’s a lot more social negotiation i’m not used to finessing there. In the social world? Well, that’s my playground: interfere with it at peril 🙂

          • yeah it is a bit wierd sometimes. until i had a job back in normie-land I had actually forgotten what the vibe was. I mean, nothing was bad as such. we’re all just living our lives etc. of course. but it was like i had landed from a parallel universe back in wherever I used to live. there was a a lot of cognitive … re-shuffling.

  2. The great Esther Perel does say its’s the future of marriage. The traumatised children of the divorced generation (ie Gen Y/millennials) will create more fluid arrangements re mating so their offspring will have more emotional/spatial/financial stability. This is of course a very different proposition from leafy suburban wife in question not really being aware her husband “does not see himself as married”. A gentlemen he is not.

    • I’ve often wondered about the pre-revolution French era when you married someone for business reasons & progeny but then just did whatever you want

        • Possibly, but I reckon it’s a workable practice for the 21st century though. You’d have to be super up front though. Could be a bit of hard work emotionally.

          • I’ve been unashamedly cozied up with the show ‘Jane The Virgin’ for the past week and it is so very much this…plus a whole lot else as it is a modern day soap opera..that knows what it is.

        • With or without the money backing. You needed a patriarchy (even grudgingly) supporting you. This would be true now, if you were one of those rarefied like Markle, Spencer (and they had no empire of their own beforehand…makes me think back to the Chanel post on Mutables.)

      • This is basically all men with a lot of money. The motto is, happy wife happy life. You send the wife off to Palm Beach and voila.

        And I do agree that historically this suited men much better than women! What about the mistresses who became pregnant and got tossed! I’m sure some offspring were somewhat supported but most were not.

        Have to say though, it would definitely work for me. None of my women friends with children have any interest in having sex with their husbands. That’s the cold hard truth of it my friends.

    • That was my first question: Does your wife see you as not seeing yourself as married? And if so, was it because you bothered to tell her?

    • My grandfather had a very public affair. My grandmother went into depression. But he wouldn’t divorce because all the assets were in her name so protected from his business, but, more particularly, we didn’t yet have no fault divorce laws, so each hearing was something of a public trial. Media –
      print newspaper- coverage was par for the course

      There are photos in tne family of grandfather and mistress, out and about on the town. My Mum and her older sister wouldn’t talk about it. Only thing mum would say is that her father’s left hand didn’t know what his right hand was doing.

    • My mom says that too, but then If you knew how her marriage was like for, explains a lot. 🙁
      She just told me the other day how much she hates cooking and that it is work for servants or slaves.

      I am so different from her. I love cooking and cooking for others. I am not married either. Social infertility plus demisexuality keeps that from happening.

    • My mother and ancestor mothers (grand etc) would have more likely referred to the indentured slavery, but because there’s a strong Aries link in them, would never submit or see themselves that way, only use the duty to create their own power. Aries: not indentured sex, as much as fqn housekeeping. Which is why i love and call on them: even on your own there is the slavery to the house routine…get yourself fed and bathed, the clothes washed, the bills sorted, the repairs done…

      They all were career women, business women, successful at making the dollar (no matter what happened to it by way of husband, fortune or family.) And even the older generations gone encouraged all the girls to focus on career, and never expect any one to make your life for you.

  3. Lol “I don’t rly see myself as married” did he lose his memory in 2015 pre sat nep square?
    I could just be salty re: me in that era unknowingly seeing someone who was married (separated but useful info to start with thx). Imo it’s like a cusp, you are either married or not married (with due respect to open marriages, etc)

    • Not seeing yourself as married when you are, is not the same as being polyamorous or in open relationship. For a start, it would be phrased differently.

      This guy is OLD. Maybe not in chronology but certainly in old generation casual misogynistic bullshittery. You just know Mystic left him floundering in the tar pit. We’ll be putting him in our engine tanks as fuel pretty soon 🙂

      • Agreed! Speaking for my self i wouldn’t be able to handle a meh lukewarm marriage…evolve it or evaporate, you’ll only create the same patterns with the next person if you don’t address root causes.
        Dino fuel is right 😉

      • If ever i saw a guy who DESERVED to be ghosted its this one! haha! He’ll complain to his buddies how Millenials ruined dating by causing ghosting or some shite to salve his ego.

  4. Urgh ok I’m nowhere near married, never have been, Pluto in libra generation, my airy bits say whatever who cares such rrangements are just a formality and you can’t fight chemistry and we all deserve fulfilment, but then the other part of me (earth and water? Saturn?) Says are you fuqing kidding me fuq that, have your cake and eat it too why dontcha, nice to know I’m somewhere around 14th on your priority list cool cat, c ya wouldn’t wanna be ya, enjoy coming home to your wife and material security each day
    So you see it’s all a bit complicated in my li’l noggin lol

      • Raised by uranians who weren’t exactly model family, didn’t leave me with a lot of faith in the whole deal when it came to the fine print, lol.

        • Although lately I’ve been realising the ‘shape’ of a 10th house Aries north node (combined with the rest of my astro) – inherently repelled by the sticky messiness of human interrelationship. It’s been an interesting set of energies to examine with a bit more awareness .. that progressed cancerian moon is still working away hahaha

      • I have Pluto Rising in Libra….along with a Moon/Uranus conj. This is opposite Mars (conj. Dionysius!) in Aries 7th (currently being loved by Uranus/Eris/Pallas conj., btw). All my long-terms have been hyper-Plutonic, as is my parents’ marriage.

        This kinda makes me love really intense LDRs–I like intensity but I need the space. I think my perfect scenario might be a really intense LDR that I see quarterly for two weeks of hyper-romantic bliss and then it’s okay to have one-night stands should they arise. I also think it would be great if the one-night stands could be talked about as well.

        I’ve always thought about it like, you have your BFF but why does that mean you can’t have other friends?

        Of course, I’ve never gotten anywhere near this arrangement. Rule #1 with Boys: The quickest way to get them to champion monogamy is to tell them you don’t believe in it.

        • Ahahaah classic Libra tactics, let the other party think it was their idea, hadn’t thought about it the way you say though 🙂

      • Interesting, as I have an opposite view of Pluto in Libra generation, but it may be colored by my own Pluto placement (Virgo). I see Pluto in Libra obsessively committed to partnership. I can see Pluto in Sag, for example, leaning towards absolute, non-negotiable freedom, LTR phobic. Other fluid relationship generational placements I would consider would be Uranus in Libra (here today, nah, not really here) or Neptune Scorpio (dissolving boundaries).

        • Well, I am an Aqua…and remember–that Uranus is on my moon….with Lillith and Juno as well. I woudn’t take myself as typical with . anything. Except Aqua. LOL.


    • It’s all about the honesty, not hiding behind “oh how my real self would hurt my spouse” if you’re unwilling to hurt yourself AND your spouse with a candid front of who you really are, and what you really want.

    • I’ve never had any desire to get married. Lots of my friends married in their twenties and I couldn’t think of anything more boring to do with your life. I believe in LTR, I know what that’s like.

      We are the generation that finally has a choice whether to get married and/or to have children, it’s a choice that I am grateful for every day!

        • Yes i agree with you. Even my v traditional 87 yr old widowed aunt who was married for 52 yrs, told me the other day that she doesn’t understand why any woman in this day and age would want to get married.
          She’s a Pluto in Cancer & i’m a Pluto in Virgo.
          I don’t think Pluto has much to do with this.

  5. Mystic your Pisces allure must have been in effect. Virgo guy would be all neatly compartmentalize-y about it too I bet.

  6. There seem to be loads of “swingers” to use a strangely old-fashioned term that keeps coming up- in my strange little rural town. Semi-related.

    • Lol Yeh I was surprised to find out from some one who knows that swinging is almost mainstream in this city

      • Most swingers i know though are right up front with their lifestyle though. I have seen an upsurge in married men pretending to be single though. Most men in the 90’s trying to pull this shit used to at least lie about oh…they are separated or going to be separated. No one cares about pretending to be moral. It’s all about being uncaught and getting away with it.

        • So my BIL lives in a hotel cum pension where a group of his aging, indy cronies moved in and requested handicapped access suites. Many are former antiquers/hustlers/indy business peeps. They have quite the happy community and..,

          The hotel has a monthly swingers weekend- complete with black-out curtains and wristbands.

          Rules- no singles- couples only. Near the basement laundry room is a hook-up room- according to BIL’s caregiver who described it in hilarious detail. They require proof of recent STD/HIV tests too.

          Black out curtains provide privacy for guests as they swan around in alluring get-ups.

          Security guard yawned as I breezed past in windbreaker and jeans- soccer mom vibe -he wasn’t worried I was there to crash the party.. LOL… had he known me in my Pluto on Sun days…

        • Rural California is similar, though don’t know how family-related everyone is, didn’t seem quite like that. My friends in rural Mendocino county told me about it because they were total swingers there….and now divorced.

    • Huge in my town as well. If you are ever hanging with a gf or 2 and some strange man buys all of you drinks. You could have accidentally landed yourself in one of those swinger meetups. No joke!

      • I have a friend in Georgia who told me that if you see a garden gnome statue in the front yard, that couple is swinging and available. LOL (dammit I just bought some cute gnome-y Christmas stuff)

      • Damn I have a little gnome holding a bowl that we put coins in for good luck. Does he symbolise visitors are Welcome but need to pay? Think he might dissappear or maybe not

  7. Capricorn Sun, Libra Rising, Virgo Moon, Aquarius Venus and Mercury. I honestly don’t get the crypto married idea… I find freedom through stability. My quadruple Pisces husband would get it though, he resisted marriage for ages saying things like ‘But we’re already married. In our hearts’ and ‘A piece of paper doesn’t tell me I’m married!’. He worried about splitting his mortgage with me too. Conversely I realised we will also never get divorced, because he’ll never be bothered to do the paperwork.

  8. My ex didn’t really think of himself as in a relationship… Which is why we ended up exes. If we could have had a civilized conversation about it, we probably would have ended up being crypto married and been all the happier for it.

    I have a handful of patients who don’t really see themselves as married. I asked one why she didn’t just leave… Turns out she didn’t want to give up going to yoga 3 times a week. (As a single mom I was like: goddamn wish I would have thought of that!)

    From the couple people I talked to (and my own experience), it seems like one person doesn’t really see themselves as in a relationship… And the other one is clueless.

    • That one person is oblivious and the other is ambivalent is not so unusual, yet it’s the pragmatism of that is morally suspect…I may question my relationship, doubt it though I’ll still speak honestly to the other about my difficulties, and I reckon anyone clueless is possibly choosing to ignore signals…truth and courage on both sides is ideal, decent…

  9. Please define crypto marriage?

    I am betrothed however we were going to amicably part ways while still formalise a shared financial arrangement for reasons of stability, money etc… however our child refused to accept it…and we both knew we had to hang in there so I’m still his lover…though it’s challenging and I’m faithful, I’m sort of mindfully aware it’s not my plan, or ideal…As I’m “partnered” I don’t date anyone or sleep around…yet this year there is someone who is peripheral, who feels more future-authentic, and there is mutual chemistry…but nothing can really happen, as I know how fragile people can be…

      • We do not fulfil the criteria then!

        Sometimes I think I’m married to the whole family…

        For better or worse.

        It’s not for individual gain – it’s really collective bargaining – someone needs to rewrite a more attractive and philosophical premise – of the future ideals of marriage

        • The Aquarian south node I suppose in permeating through the north node Leo via 12th of subterranean hidden love hopes…

        • I like the idea of a New Manifesto for Marriage . Especially with AU finally stepping into modernity with its recognition of same sex marriage!

          I can see you 12 th house Leo node! You are like a creative priestess. I always loved the way you write about your fashion industry work <3

  10. Just watched “me you her” and had lots of social/society/ self expectations that seemed the stumblng blocks. Is thi

      • Well the media and the movies do like to capitalise on this titillating concept. But really most French people aren’t in open relationships at all. What they do have is a more tolerant attitude towards public figures who have affairs or “adventures” – (adultery is such a dirty word). And strictly speaking they aren’t “open” since they have to sneak about and be v discreet – with everyone turning a blind eye.

  11. I live in what I think is probably the world epicenter of polyamory and open marriages/relationships. Seriously, on dating sites here if you’re not into non-monogamy of any various type, you’re going to be hard-pressed to find someone who wants a more monogamous relationship or is interested in marriage at all.
    So, the only thing I find un-cool about your crypto-married guy is that it sounds like his wife doesn’t know he feels that way and doesn’t know about his extra-curricular behavior. Lying by omission and deception are not cool, but if both people in the marriage are on the same page about having an open relationship and all new partners are made aware of their marriage and clear and honest communication is happening, then why not? Why does it have to be crypto? I guess it’s like that in areas where open marriage would be communally frowned upon..
    I feel ambivalent about open relationships for myself, and it would depend on the people involved. I’m not really wired for that, though I’ve been on my own for so long, it all just seems like a distant theory at this point….I think I’m just ambivalent about ANY relationships/dating/sex/etc… haha!

    • I can relate. The more I read about relationships and marriage these days the more relieved I am to settle into spinsterhood. I’m only late 30’s but dating apps and crypto marrieds are minefields that seem unworthy of my time.

      If I can’t meet my dream partner at some social function or via a hobby or something then I’m happy to just continue to enjoy my own company, so far I’m my own best dream partner anyway.

  12. My Cardinal Sun (1H), Asc, Nodes and Saturn don’t get one word of this. Neither does my 7th Moon. Neither does my Mars Pluto Vesta Venus conjunct. Wtf.

  13. Just spent two years with someone who didn’t think it was a relationship. As an aqua I bought into the crap of “who needs to define stuff”. Nope, just friends with benefits who stayed with each other weekly, didn’t sleep with other people, and did things together with all our assorted children. Then he decided he was in a relationship…with someone else. Obviously, since it “wasn’t a relationship”, he didn’t need to break up with me first, or care about hurt feelings I apparently had no right to have. The psychological fuqwittery of this whole stance defies one post to describe, but suffice it to say that the crypto-married can stick their manipulative paradigm somewhere suitably cryptogenic.

    • Yes. Psychological Fuqwittery. I ended relationship with one who pursued me hard years after a prior break up. I resisted for quite a while. Then things got started, were wonderful. I later read the term “love bombing” and see I was sucked in. We were both making professional changes and putting focus there- so I thought….

      I told him goodbye after things got “funny” I knew something was off and confronted him. I gave him an out. He lied but I had no proof. I later put it all together and realized he moved in with someone else! WTF??!? I took him completely off guard and acted like I knew- he caved and admitted. Why??
      “I did not want to lose you” … he said. we’d done the activities with respective children (his young adult mine teens)
      What – did he need a place to stay for free???
      Cake and eat it too!
      Crypto relationship.
      And don’t use my kids to stay with me. And don’t pretend to be such a “Christian”. Delusions.
      The age old story. Dishonor. Emotional midget. Liar. Egomaniac. Grow the Fuq up. . I’m big on honor and that fuqwittery is NOT ok for anyone. If you want to swing – or whatever we call it now- be up front. Be real.

  14. So if you live stateside, an amazing resource is the public database on marriages and divorces in your town. Free and easy to look through and confirm! Just type in name if person.

    I have turned in names of married men to dating sites who try to say they are single. Such bullshit!

      • So this of course was yonks ago…like 2009 -10. Yes, the dating sites cut them off. But because of the anonymity factor, the gross men just made another account with another fake name using the same picture. I kept finding them because they used the same prefs and age range.

  15. I would like us to become more like the Mosuo people of the Yunnan. They have ‘walking marriages’ and a matriarchal society. In all the pictures of the people I’ve seen, the women look really happy. I gather a walking marriage is an arrangement much like serial dating. The guy doesn’t live with you and you just meet up at night for fun times and chatting. Any kids that result are looked after by the woman’s household, while the man’s household looks after other men’s kids. Sounds perfect!!

  16. Maybe it is a male Virgo thing to be crypto-married right now. I’ve got one of those too. He refers to it as “the business of the marriage”. I don’t know if it is because I’m Taurus or have old fashion values and morals but married is married even if spouses live in two different cities. Until there are those official and legal divorce papers, one is friggin MARRIED.

    • Good business has clear parameters and clauses for the parties involved. Is it clarified for all those parties in ways that make their basic insurance (sexual, emotional health) pay up? If not “business” = “bulshit” and any one of you can request a simple clarification, and expect it to be forthcoming and clear, in good terms. Otherwise, “good faith” has been forfeited by Virgo’s compromise of other parties’ insurance terms.

  17. Is this like gay men having a beard?

    It sounds skeezy to me.

    I’d test such blokes out with a “call your wife, I’d like to hear her views on it”

  18. Crypto-Married = People who’ve realized they are locked into a very expensive legal contract with an asshole/boring person/vindictive person and the platinum wedding band has lost its shine. Sometimes they have zero intentions of leaving; sometimes they are hungry ghosts looking for a strong enough vector to pull them out of their ennui and into the land of milk and honey. Basically, if you are gamine enough to break the spell of fear and complacency they are under, they *might* seek a divorce and thus begin the dysfunctional cycle again with you. But don’t bet on it. Most are likely looking for a temporary escape from their dull and repetitive suburban life.

    I’m constantly attracting this type as well – I have a 12th house Neptune in Scorpio parallel an 11th house Venus in Scorpio (which is conjunct Jupiter in Scorpio). These stuck dudes see me as some kind of escape pod, I think. It always starts out as friends only, married dude and all, but then a crush develops and they start advancing. Needless to say I cut them off and remind them they are unavailable. I had one guy recently tell me that “if only I would fall in love with him too, then he might have a reason to leave his marriage – otherwise why leave?” He could not see he was putting the cart before the horse. More men behaving in ways that are completely ignorant of how to be accountable for their own behavior. There are a lot of unhappily married people out there, I do know that. Divorced myself, and glad to be so since my ex was/is a deeply disordered and dysfunctional individual, I don’t see much value in the institution anymore. I kind of like the tribal situation described in the comments above where the women and men live apart and just go out on dates together and communally care for the offspring. No expensive legal contract required!

      • No more like negative action if you are a woman. People are like eeewww what’s wrong with you? and avoid you.
        Might be different for a man.

        • Well there’s always the “single and ready to homewreck” badge, a bit like the red A applied to the deemed strumpets
          For the men, Jane Austen got it right way back when.

          • Read that as a “single and ready to homewreck BANGLE” and started to jewellery audit. Then thought, well, if it were a nice bracelet (big Sag/Piscean hands just hate getting through bangles that fit small wrists).

        • Yep been told THAT before by someone whose husband cheated on them at a business conference which strangely I was witness all to aged 10 in Japan. Ihad a great time though

            • it’s not just for not being married: it is specifically directed at women over a certain age (can vary between 25 in some areas or over 30) who DO NOT have children (cos at least those women tried) and who have the “nerve” to show up in public doing fun/normal things and you know…going on with their life. You’d think women like us would drop dead or something?

  19. I am the opposite of crypto married – apparently my partner and I are “LAT” which is the new term for living apart together – loved up, monogamous committed, sharing decisions and planning to grow old together just not merging assets or living together until his teenage kids have left the nest. It’s been 2.5 years of no doubts angst or knowing where we stand and we talk heaps each day and see each other about half the week – perfection!

      • Lol, this sounds great! I always tell my friends if I ever get married, we’ll have to be neighbours or something. Like the idea of a partner, hate the idea of them being underfoot all the time. I need at least 80% of my free time to be alone time.

  20. ugh. big difference between “I don’t really see myself as married” and “we have an open marriage.” skeez. as an actual married, I think we have to reinvent the patriarchal institution. But being in relationships with other people — marriage, friendships, family, bosses, whatever…that’s how you grow. I don’t get this “we’ll get married but nothing about my life will change” thing. Yes it will. That’s the point. I think it’s delusional control-freaking, fear of the transformation process.

  21. *Cap moon grabs the microphone*
    “I don’t think of myself as married.” What is that, Neptune opposite his sun talking? It’s half-arsed at best.
    I don’t know what pisses me off more – the fact that he’s lied about being married, or that he’s lazy. Seriously, a lazy Virgo! Sort the details, FFS. A clear, compartmentalised, plausible story in which Saint Virgo of the Golden Balls is somehow performing a massive service to humankind by perpetuating this douchebaggery.
    (Does it show that I knew a Virgo who wrecked almost a dozen lives in total by behaving in such a way??)
    Aqua Venus here. No moral judgements – sleep with who you want, as long as everyone’s in on it. But deceit – run a mile. I learned that the hard way during Neptune on my Venus.

  22. Nope, nope, no, fuckity-noppity no. I’m a quintuple Sag with Saturn in my first and oh, this crypto-marriage thing sounds so Sag, and I consider it the shadow side of Sag. “Let’s make a commitment,but only honor the part I enjoy or find useful and ignore the part I dislike or inconvenient.”
    Let’s go on a date. No, no, let’s not.

  23. 50% of married people get divorced, and of those that stay together, how many are truly happy? Some will be staying because they are scared to be alone, and some because they don’t want to split assets and have to start over. I don’t know why anyone would want to get married?! How can anyone believe ‘till death do us part’ is realistic in this day and age?! Or desirable?!

    • I think it’s possible to have a long-term committed relationship (officially married or no) when both people are committed to talking and working things out, even if that means changing the terms of the relationship. It’s just so rare that two people like that come together.

  24. I agree with quadruple Saggo: don’t blame you Venus/Neptune trine. I am sure it’s lovely and I actually wish I had something that nice in my BC.
    It’s just that there are some sleazy peeps around.
    “I don’t see myself married” my ass.

  25. LOL “I don’t really see myself as pregnant” … “I don’t really see myself as a mother”… “I don’t really see myself as bisexual”. I am using that line forever!! Too funny! Brilliant.

  26. Ah, Mystic! I suspected you had a Venus trine Neptune on the poetic merit of your writing alone. I am not familiar with any crypto-married people. I do know a few people who serially attempt open relationships when they are too possessive to be constitutionally suited (hence the serial).

    For whatever reason, I’ve always lived in a parallel universe where the men are more into commitment than the women. Perhaps because I have a Mars Sun conjunction, I find it extremely easy to relate to men. I have always had more male friends than female friends, and they confide in me about their relationship longings and insecurities. There are few places in our world where the vulnerability of men is not shamed or ignored. Studies have shown male babies are even comforted less when they cry. I do not think the various permutations of gender are different in any essential ways. We all want love equally.

    Nine people asked me to marry them before I turned twenty. Five of those people went so far as to buy a ring. I have never dated someone for more than three months without them proposing. I fell in love with husband at first sight, and we moved in together less than a week later. Within a month he moved across the country to be with me. We are still deeply in love fourteen years later (strong Saturn synastry, my Cancerian planets on his North Node). He says the purpose of his life is my happiness, and he means it.

    I am not an exceptionally physically beautiful person. I have had many female friends who have way more body currency than I do. Beyonce was cheated on. Body currency, wealth, or social status, have nothing to do with love.

    There are three dynamics I notice inhibiting most of my unhappily single friends. One, their energy is closed off. They are gorgeous amazing people, but no one who respects reciprocal energy dynamics is going to approach them unless they (at least subtly) invite it in.

    I am a Libra rising and a friend of mine once told me I flirt with everyone, old ladies on the bus, babies, dogs. Everyone. And it’s true. But it comes from a place of genuine ace of cups-runneth-over style love (Venus in the 11th house trine Neptune). My energy is the opposite of closed off, which is why I also paradoxically need vast tundra-like vistas of solitude and can be quite elusive at times.

    The second quality I notice inhibiting my single friends is valuing the superficial over the essential in relationships. They refuse to date people who would treat them like they deserve, because they don’t have the right job, or the right body, or the right hobbies. Then, they are attracted to people who may have elements on their superficial list, but are also problematically flawed in a more meaningful fashion, cruel, self-absorbed, or lacking in integrity.

    When I met my husband he was a former drug addict living in his parent’s basement because he couldn’t keep a job (triple Pisces, he kept sleeping in). The vast majority of women would not give him a second glance, but I could tell he was the kindest person I had ever met. He is also brilliant (mercury exact on his Aquarius rising), loyal (Taurus moon conjunct the IC) and a million other wonderful things.

    Now, he has a high paying job at a major non-profit. He has never criticized or insulted me in fourteen years together. He surprises me with flowers and gifts on a weekly basis. Anything I do not want to do, he rushes to do for me. None of this would have happened, if I had been preoccupied with the superficial, instead of paying attention to who he was as a person.

    The third and final thing I notice in my single friends is that they are not willing to give what they want to receive. They expect their partner to be unconditionally loving, successful, faithful, cultured etc. when they are not. Many women are jealous of my how my husband treats me, but if he were married to them, he would not be what he is with me, because they are not very nice people. When my husband is maligned or criticized in some way, he has a tendency to self-destructively escape. Pisces need high vibe refined environments to thrive. They react to the unspoken swirling undercurrents, so all of this has to be real, not merely simulated. Some Pisces learn to create this for themselves, by becoming vigilant gatekeepers.

    None of my single friends have all of these dynamics in play, but each has at least one. Make of it what you will.

    • Hey thanks for this. Lots of that makes sense to me. I’m really glad you two found each other, though it does sound like you have created this excellent situation yourself by having a generous and discerning heart. One thing though that confuses me though: how do you know if the other person is genuinely good and you are making them act out their lower selves by the way you treat them, or if the other person is ‘problematically flawed’?

      • You aren’t making anyone do anything. You can only keep being you, and the other person will respond with their lowest or best, or anywhere in between, self.

        It’s not really about a self as a static best or worst, magically unlocked by another’s key. It truly is a commitment right now and in every moment, to give what you have right then, and evolve as you are, from wherever.

      • I agree with what milleunotte said. It’s about bringing out the best in each other, augmenting strengths and weakness. When I wrote that I was mostly thinking of two specific people, both family members.

        My sister-in-law is jealous of my relationship, because she married my brother who is undemonstrative and impenetrable to the enth degree. But she is a very critical person. She tells ridiculously harsh ‘jokes’ about her three year old daughter for example. No one with the sensitivity of my husband would date her. Or if they did, it would be a nightmare for both of them. Her personality style automatically filters out all choices but those people with tough enough walls up to deal with that. And walls in relationship block the natural give and take she covets.

        -The other example is my sister. She is a beautiful, charismatic, multi-talented, highly educated, world traveler, so she has no problem attracting a cool handsome guys into personal development. But she is also a narcissist with a petty streak the size of the state of Texas. Her ex-husband and most recent ex-boyfriend both told her she was abusive. And she is. She is single because anyone she would be attracted to is not going to put up with her for long. So when the facade drops it drops hard.

        If no one is telling you that you are like the aforementioned, you do not have to worry about this, because people will tell you. Most people just need to expand their sense of possibility. Once their sense of possibility opens up, so does their energy. There are billions of wildly atypical people in the world. Receiving the essence of what you most desire is both possible and realistic for you.

        • I think I didn’t ask my question quite right, because I get all that, but…mmm.. this is hard. I’m trying to get at, how do you learn to recognise what won’t change in a person? Some aspects of our personality are fixed, but we have choices about how to express them, which can make them seem fluid. You said you had an intuitive understanding that your husband was a kind person, a giver, but if he’d been with someone harsher he may have closed off that part of himself. Doesn’t everyone have a good quality inside that can be nurtured? Or is it that some qualities are more important to have in a committed relationship? Being ‘problematically flawed’ to me, suggests that they didn’t have those qualities, or that other qualities got in the way. Is it possible that a petty narcissist could unlearn being a petty narcissist with the right person, or is it not something that anyone would ever want to be with long enough to try- hence ‘problematically flawed’? And I’m asking this because of my own confusing, flawed marriage, which has me completely bamboozled as to whether it can be fixed or if I should walk. Obviously your answer won’t be the deciding factor 🙂 but I know I’ve still got a lot to learn about how relationships work, so I’d love to hear your thoughts.

          • I’m just jumping in here.. some of the ways I size up a person’s character (carefully, over time) is things like,
            How they cope with stress – within themselves and in company
            How they talk about other people when they are not there
            How (or whether) they take care of themselves , and I don’t mean this in a shallow fashion, I mean are there life habits that I cannot accept in a romantic relationship (family history &Venus chiron influences this)
            How do they treat, and or talk about, the vulnerable ( = how would they treat or talk about me if I was vulnerable)
            How they talk about people they have a problem with
            Do they recognise / acknowledge their own ego drives and personal complexes in these situations I.e. what is their level of self awareness
            How do they describe their exes, mother, siblings, because friends are one thing but intimate relationships are the ones that trigger our stuff for better or worse
            How do they solve problems both material and interpersonal – conflict resolution (very important to me!!)
            Is this stuff generally consistent, within the bounds of being human.
            There’s no specific set of answers that’s right or wrong, everyone is different, but there’s a range of energy/ behaviour and being where I feel safe enough to trust them
            And of course there are the add ons outside of this that help with yummy fun compatibility 🙂

            • Are they brave. Not necessarily rescuing damsels or whatever, but are they spiritually courageous. Do they have the strength to address their shadows, as a life process.
              How do they handle those who hold different worldviews.

          • I’m sorry to hear your struggles.

            I completely concur with what Pi said, and would like to add that the right decision of how to handle this type of situation will feel like a relief to you. Relief is a potent intuitive indicator of the right path. Because part of you knows what to do.

            For example with my sister this past year, I told her politely and directly that I would no longer accept her treatment of me. She said she would change and did kind of grudgingly, for like two weeks. I brought it up again a few months later, when it was clear our earlier discussion had no effect. She got extremely pissed off and tried to triangulate and turn other people in the family against me, when I was just asking for mutual respect. She keeps wanting to perpetuate drama about this, but I am done. On Thanksgiving she tried to start a fight immediately, and I just kept repeating I am not going to have a conflict with you until she stopped. I have decided from now on that I am going to be polite to her at family gatherings. I have no interest in seeing her suffer, but she has been relegated to the fringes of my concern. I am not seeking out or allowing any more emotional intimacy with her, unless she shows me she has changed. It took me awhile to figure out that this was the boundary line that felt the most like relief. The strongest power we have in relationships is to walk away, and sometimes that is worth doing. I would suggest playing out different scenarios of how to handle your situation in your mind and seeing what feels like relief to you. Relief might feel like staying and going to counseling. It might feel like something surprising you would not predict.

            • Thanks this is what I need. I’ve been feeling lost in a maze full of carnival mirrors. I remember years ago having to put down my terribly sick dog. It was a hard decision but immediately after – the relief and knowing it was the right one. Not that I want to put down my marriage (well not yet) but this will help me make choices.

          • I think everyone can potentially be redeemed, but it is not your responsibility to redeem them. It can be your choice to try, IF you want it to be. They have to be full participants, however.

            First, does this person really want to change? Or are they invested in defending an illusion of perfection in a flawed self. Can they be objective enough to take direct feedback to heart? Do they care how their actions effect you? Tell them the truth about how you feel as calmly and compassionately as you can and see how they react. Do they make an effort to match your tone and energy? Can they admit when they are wrong or have wronged you? The answers to these questions can indicate how willing they are to meet you halfway.

            • Yes, the willingness to meet in the geographic middle of things.
              The way you articulate yourself – can I ask about mercury in your chart? it’s sort of a Toro venusian vibe to me. Am a bit curious 🙂

              • Thanks Pi, no Taurus in my chart except Chiron conjunct Vesta in my 8th. I love Taureans though, so I’m flattered.

                According to Donna Cunningham’s posts about finding your strongest planet, mine is Mercury.

                Cancer Mercury conjunct Sun, Mars, and Midheaven, and exact on Sirius. It also has a mutual reception with my Gemini moon conjunct the North Node in the 9th house. In person, many people have guessed that I am a Virgo at first blush. I am a short story writer and poet with a few big credits and several medium-size ones, working on my first novel, an illustrated pan-dimensional science-fantasy trilogy.

    • Wow. When I started reading this I thought, “how in hell does this person get all these suitors to propose?!”

      I did not expect the answer to be what it was.

      Nicely articulated and eye opening. thank you for sharing

    • I have Libra Rising as well and Venus in Pisces = Flirt with old ladies on the bus and telemarketers. I’ve had this problem with proposals as well–never dated someone who didn’t ask me. As an Aqua, I’ve managed to stay friends with most all of my exes, but usually they current girls are wary–I will always be the one that got away.

      There is a word of caution in here: I do NOT rate people by superficial standards and it has not necessarily done me well. Sometimes, you think you’re being open-minded by dating the depressed dude without a job who has a lot of potential and is very kind, but instead you’re just becoming a mommy to an EBHON (Emotional Black Hole of Need). I had to semi-ghost an ex-boyfriend who seems to think I’m the only person who can save his ex-felon, registered sex offender ass…and I probably am. But that shit ain’t my job….and I was 17 when we last dated. He has no right to think that 30 years later, I’m a professional woman with 20+ years experience in my field, pursuing a postgraduate degree, and that I’m just a “snob” for not wanting to date an unemployable and frankly grotesque-looking man who spent the better part of his adult life in prison, no matter how “kind” he is or how “well” he means. There’s a certain delusion there that is actually disrespectful of me. Period. (And yes, he’s a freakin Pisces.)

      It’s taken more than 40 years, but I finally must insist that the men I date, you know, have JOBS and shit and also that the Saturnine concept of my “market value” must be dealt with on a realistic level–namely, that I have some and therefore do not need to be dating homeless people just because they are kind to me. The chance that that frog will remain a frog are just as great as the chance that the prince will turn into an asshole.

      That shit is literally a crap shoot.

      Your man could just have easily just moved in with you and continued to shoot smack or whatever it was. I’ve poured lots of love into guys who just really didn’t want to budge and were NOT very grateful that I had been trying to gently tend their gardens until I meandered away due to fatigue.

      • I suspected I would trigger some people with my statement, and I can see that I have.

        Some things you aren’t noticing in my narrative:

        -Nine people proposed to me in a short window of time. That meant I walked away from nine relationships, where I either wasn’t treated as well as I want and expect to be, or we were not compatible in other fundamental ways. I am still friends with several of these people. I have Venus square Uranus, and I leave when I can tell something will not work. You can only have one monogamous romantic relationship, so make it count.

        -My husband was a FORMER drug addict, actively working to get his life together (I really don’t appreciate the ableist stigmatization of this, or depression. These are illnesses, no different than having cancer or epiplepsy).

        -I only date other givers who really really like me. I gave to my husband, and he gave back equally. We help each other out financially and otherwise. I supported him after he moved in with me, while he was looking for a job, and he returned the favor by supporting me financially, while I was establishing my art career. I actually found and sent his resume to his current position, because he was working in a much more soul sucking company, but was freaked out about a job search. Whereas he did all the tax minutiae necessary for me to found my business, which freaked me out. We have each other’s back. Always. If he quit his job tomorrow, I would support him without a blink of an eye, because that is us. It was clear my husband was a giver, even when he didn’t have a job. Kindness without action is not true kindness, and he is the most kind person I know.

        -My husband and I have a strong Saturn synastry, and I also personally have a heavyweight class Saturn. Saturn conjunct Pluto in the first house (my closest conjunction on a critical degree), trine my Moon North Node conjunction, and sextile my Venus and Neptune. He also has a prominent Saturn conjunct his Midheaven. I set limits, and he rose to meet them. When he was late to our dates, I told him I wouldn’t be with him if he kept doing that. He stopped being late. I didn’t write him off based on the appearance of his current life. I felt a powerful intuitive connection with him, and I gave him a chance to prove me right.

        -I have said no far more often than I have said yes. I have a male friend who asked me out once a week for three years. I could tell he was not the monogamous type, so I kept telling him no on that basis. I have a titanium steel clad search filter for the aspects of relationships that are most important to me. However, I am very flexible about everything else. My gut instinct about people has yet to prove me wrong, even if I do follow it imperfectly.

        -This is not a crap shoot. I was always going to end up with this, because I was going to keep going until I did, even if it took me 80 years. It didn’t take that long because I compressed a lot of experience into a short period of time, and I learned and course corrected in every relationship I had. And my husband was always grateful to me, as I am to him.

        • You might want to consider looking up the list of cognitive distortions on Wikipedia FYI. A whole slew of them apply to your comment. Good luck.

      • Yes, I totally agree with you, healthy boundaries are a must. Being the love you wish to find in the world IS the way, but you also have to be able to have discernment (which comes with a checklist of qualities that you can accept/not accept in a partner) and the ability to say no and mean it. And yes, the frog can turn into the prince, (or even just pretend to be a prince), but he can also turn back into the frog again in the end, no matter how many times you kiss him. It’s also okay to just be single for a while, you know? You don’t need to belong to anyone else but yourself. I think that is the biggest lesson “unhappy singles” need to learn – that you are already complete. All the love you are looking for comes from within anyway. Fall in love with yourself, with your own life.

      • This is actually an object lesson in what I mean by ‘problematically flawed.’ She could have provided the exact same critique without a personal attack on me or my husband. I wrote this because I saw a lot of people on here in pain honestly thought it might help someone, because it is something I struggled with and figured out how to handle.

        Conflict is inevitable. Difference of opinion is inevitable. How we deal with it is not. It is not necessary to go for the jugular with so little provocation. If someone does this even if they have a graduate degree, attractive etc. walk away. You are worth more than this.

        • I’m not sure where I personally attacked you or your husband. Sorry if it came across that way. I thought the other side of this coin needed to be heard and I stand by what I said.

          Certainly there are people with unrealistic and superficial expectations that limit their choices, which is a shame. I was merely pointing out there’s another side to thinking these “bourgeois” expectations like jobs, etc. are unimportant–and that marriage is a crap shoot–people change and you don’t know when or if they are going to. Year 5? Year 10? Year 34? It happens. It takes hard work, yes, but there’s a certain amount of luck to it in who you chose in the first place. I think, anyways.

          Not sure where you got that I was “triggered.” I’m just blunt. Sorry to have offended. Over and out.

    • You prob didn’t mean to come off like this, but this whole post reads as a huge humble-brag. Lots of interesting info though that might be useful so thanks.
      It also sounds like you may have scored well in the marriage dept but you suck at the friends-dept if you describe them as ungenerous, closed-off, and/or settling for piddly things in their love relationships. But they could actually be how you describe since i haven’t met them, which makes me wonder why are you friends with these people? I have heard some women like to surround themselves with others they look down on so they can feel built up. Wouldn’t it be better to surround yourself with people you have positive feelings about?
      I’m a Sun-Mars conj myself and also get along with men better usually, but after age 30 found it easier to have deeper and closer friendships with women now.

      Make of it what you will.

      • I am proud of my life. I created it. It was hard to do. So if that comes across it’s fully intentional.

        People close off generally because they don’t know how wonderful they are, or they don’t believe it’s possible to connect to others the way they desire. I say the same thing to them that I said here. And it has helped some friends find love. I have been shy, pessimistic, and closed off. There is no shame in it.

        I never said anyone was ungenerous. Sometimes my friends are attracted to jerks in shiny packages. It is being a good friend to be upfront about this. I have been in same position myself, and I appreciated the people who told me the truth. Are your friends always paragons of impeccable judgement? Are you?

        The last category wasn’t applying to current friends per se but more to people I know/have obligatory relationships with like family/colleagues, and people I have been friends with in the past. Although why does anyone have to be perfect to deserve a relationship? If I acknowledge that someone is say overly materialistic in romantic relationships perhaps out of deep-seated insecurity stemming from a poverty stricken childhood, does it mean I have to ruthlessly cut off a relationship with her, even if she does nothing to me? Or alternatively do I have to lie and pretend she is someone she it not? People possess many facets. Some you enjoy. Some less so. This is true of everyone.

        So do you tacitly endorse everything your friends do without subjecting it to any reason or critical analysis? I would like to see this mythical sparkly unicorn cupcake relationship. I imagine the glitter would be blinding. I personally am committed to growth, so this is not my expectation of how to treat others or be treated.

        Expecting perfection would make for a barren, lonely world.Tolerating a certain degree of ambiguity is a useful life skill. It’s an essential element of compassion for instance. You can have compassion and even love for someone and still acknowledge their actions are harmful to themselves or others. You can have compassion for yourself and do the same.

        • As an egalitarian communitarian type mindset, I rarely look down on anyone. I see others as equal to myself. I do not see addressing problematic behavior as reducing someone’s inherent worth which is sacrosanct and absolute. I am no better than anyone else, but I strive to better my own experience of existence through unflinching self-examination.

          That said I am very proud of my life based on where I have come from to where I have gone. My life is much closer to my desires now. Am still working on stuff? Hell yes. I always will be.

          I can always tell the hierarchical mindsets based on how they react to my confidence as a threat or personal condemnation. My sense of my own power can take nothing from you or anyone else, because we are equal. The empowered person is the equal of the dis-empowered person. The illiterate is the equal of the famous author. The person wildly in love is the equal to an unhappily single person. The homeless person is the equal of the billionaire. No one else’s norm is your standard.

          • Love this. Thank you.

            I long for the day when we can accept and tolerate one other as imperfect human beings, respect one anothers differences and build from there (rather than punish each other for them). A mentor once told me, “love cannot reside where there is judgement”.

            One day when I find the right balance of reciprocation and genuine love of who I am from another, I will say a BIG YES to that person and the relationship that is offered. Until that point, I am single and there is nothing wrong with that. I actually think men are scared of me when my energy is “open”. I think a lot of men, especially ones who are less aware, are somewhat distrustful of a woman’s loving energy.

            I was going to ask you what your Venus aspect was. I have Venus on my South Node, plus Venus square Pluto – I think those aspects generally have negative connotations in terms of native’s personality, but honestly it hasnt made me less loving in any way. What Ive found is that they play out in ways like attracting a lot of negativity(jealousy) from other females when in relationship, and relationships being fiscally draining for me. I have a history of being with men that had less than me, as I loved them for who they were, but most of the time I just felt taken advantage of for all of the giving I did.

            I admire what youve built for yourself and thank you for sharing your story.

            • I would think Venus on the South Node connected to Pluto would make you a powerhouse of love. I could see how that could be intimidating to men not proficient at navigating that depth. Or how an unevolved person could treat it like a bottomless well to draw from.

              The best way to be single is definitely to fully enjoy it to the hilt, because regardless of what happens you will still have a fantastic life.

              When I met my husband, I was actually trying to be celibate. I burned all the old love letters and poems I had saved from past boyfriends, and went to work at a new age retreat center for the summer. I assumed I would not find anything permanent while traveling. I still intended to find love, but I was taking a break from looking. So that cliche of finding love when you least expect it was true in my case.

              I have a lot of Venus! Venus chart ruler square Jupiter and Uranus, trine Neptune and the South Node, and sextile Saturn and Pluto. My Venus is also conjunct the fixed star Regulus, which is likewise supposed to be bad, but I am not a fatalist about astrology. I like Mystic’s conception of expressing the energy from a higher octave.

              Michael Phelps has Mars in detriment. Bill gates has no earth signs in his chart. One’s birth chart is like description of the shape of a vessel, but what that vessel is ultimately filled with is up to the individual.

              • Hey Melodryad – I’m enjoying this discourse, not least because our Astro seems a bit similar & I too am in a fab relationship going on 30 yrs now. Reading your description of your husband’s treatment of you made me smile in recognition. I have Libra rising too and my Venus, Vesta and Regulus share the same degree – with Pluto being 2 degrees away. So my love-relationship HAS to be beyond important. And i have been blessed with a beautiful man & relationship… having gone through some duds & marriage proposals as well. Saturn seems to be a big player here – as we found each other on my Saturn return & it’s significant in our Synastry chart (his Saturn on my Chiron & my Saturn on his Ceres.) In our Composite chart it is ON the IC – so I’m curious to know where it is in your Composite chart – plus your take on Saturn in relationships – as all i read is what a constricting/limiting/killjoy force it is while others say the relationship is fated when Saturn is involved – but never explain what fated means. All i can add is that i’ve never felt *freer* to be myself since being with my Libra Sun/Rising man. And i believe i can speak for himself on this as well.

                • Ah, that sounds lovely :). Saturn is exalted in Libra, so a relationship with a heavy Saturn signature is going to be reciprocated fairly. You get back what you put into Saturn. People tend to frame karma as mostly negative, but good karma is just as powerfully returned to you.

                  Saturn rules the culmination of the chart wheel so the rewards that come from mastering its energy are both high and physically tangible, even if they come with a steep learning curve that requires one to face one’s resistance.

                  Our composite chart has 10 oppositions and a mystic rectangle. Oppostions in a composite chart are supposed to indicate a twin flame connection because the partners complete each other.

                  • Yes, one tends to forget that Saturn also rewards ….(bingo re oppositions in Comp. chart!! 🙂 …this also baffled me)
                    Thank you so much for your time, M. xx

                  • Also realised that you have been the messenger bearing news from Saturn to me (as Mystic has been talking about on the blog recently). And all this on the verge of my 2nd Saturn return. I am forever grateful to you & Mystic & this wonderful community. Much Love to every one! X

              • True, re the vessel of our soul and the other bits of wisdom you share. Like how the Chinese believe in the Cosmic Trinity of Heaven Luck, Earth Luck, and Man Luck. Man is very small compared to the cosmos, but he can affect up to 30% of his own destiny by mere virtue of his character. This has been a big message for me especially during this time of Saturn.

                To me its apparent why you have what you have, even from the level in which you engage a complete stranger(me) on the web, whom you owe nothing to. Your level of reciprocation is very rare. I have to take a step back and think really hard when was the last time someone reciprocated so generously with me. I want you to know that youve given me so much more than just a response here and I am grateful for it.

                You and your husband are very lucky to have one another and I am happy for you both. And I will keep your words re singledom in mind whilst I go about my journey! 🙂

              • I’m sorry l don’t get being single. I have
                1.Moon in the 7th. (Chart Ruler / Bucket Handle) in a TSq with
                2.Moon Sq 4th SD Nep.
                3.Moon Opp 1st Sun.
                4.Asc Tr Nep
                5.Moon Opp Uran.

                I have just discovered a near perfect Yod which amplifies even more Moon stuff;
                Asc in exact Sextile to Venus with the Moon at the Apex of said Yod.

                I actually am dying fr a broken heart.

                Female Q: “What do you do for a job?”
                Me: “Oh, I’m under investigation for student abuse. I have no income or job.”
                What about you?
                [eyes wander into the distance]

                (We interrupt your life to fuck you over well n good).

                Brought to you by the Bizzaro the Uran, Ghost-fuqer Neptune and the Cast-Iron Wrecker Pluto

                • My mother tried to lock me up when I was 15 on a false drug charge complete with false witnesses, so I know what it is like to face an unjust accusation. It backfired spectacularly on her though, and I wound up in a much better place because of it in the end. Don’t give up. All of this can change. One, two, three, years from now your life could be completely transformed.

        • Ungenerous was my extrapolation of “not willing to give what they want to receive. They expect their partner to be unconditionally loving, successful, faithful, cultured etc. when they are not.”
          It might not be what you meant. Because surely this behavior spills out outside of romance into friendship and business. or is it more instead you consider these women lazy and not hustling enough to get a man? Still struggling to understand your meaning.

          So the other “friends” you talked about were more like acquaintances and people you don’t really hang out with anymore? ok makes sense. Everybody has people like this. Outgrowing people is natural.

          My friends aren’t perfect people and neither am I. I don’t comment on my friends bad decisions unless I think it is life threatening (will end in hospital, death or jail) or they ask me. They don’t normally ask me because they know I don’t pull punches. It’s not my decision tho. They are adults and responsible for their own decisions. So sure it makes me sad but I don’t necessarily act on it.

          You do sound proud of your life and thats a great thing actually!

          IMO, there is no one-size fits all magic formula for fixing unhappy singledom. Amazingly enough many of friends have been married since high school +20 yrs. Weird i know. They just tell me that they got lucky to find their love in high school BUT they also actively work to connect and fix problems regularly. So their formula = luck + work + a mutual desire to stay in a relationship. Even they admit there is a component that is not within their control.

          and my comments were not directed to be mean to you as a person. It is more like I am tired of people telling single women there is some magic formula that you have to fix on yourself and boom magically you will get a mate and be happy. I am sick of single-shaming. I have read more than my fill of self-help books in my early 20’s to say that most of it is crap. (Well if you didn’t get a mate then you didn’t follow my magic formula for mating success b.s.) … again not you specifically… Sure there are problem women but I do think society and environment has a lot to answer for. Also there are some people who are not meant to be paired. Biologically there are almost always more women than men at any time. The odds are against us right from the beginning.

          • I don’t think anyone is ever to blame for suffering in any way, because if someone knew exactly how to relieve their suffering and had the resources necessary to do so (internal and external) they would. No one wants to suffer. I ascribe a great deal to the law of attraction, but not victim blaming at all for this reason. And even if we reduced our suffering by half every day, forever, we would never completely eliminate it, because of Zeno’s paradox. LOA is often discussed in distinctly uncompassionate terms, but I think a compassionate position makes more sense for this reason.

            So this involves holding two competing beliefs that we possess a limitless potential to create our own reality, but that we can only ever work within our in current pre-existing limitations in the present moment to do so. And these are limitations that even if we reduce them will always exist in some form. The finite of what is can never catch up to the infinite of what could be.

            So I choose to believe all desires are possible, even if that does not and will not happen, because that belief moves me closer to my infinite potential.

            I have happy single friends as well, also both happily and unhappily married friends. My best friend is an aromantic/mostly-asexual. I don’t think there is one way to be. Or that my way of finding love is anyone else’s way. But I see a lot of people say that having a relationship like mine is an impossible pipe dream that no one should want, even if they do. I am a bit of a rebel, so my urge is to inject a contrarian narrative into that dialogue. I feel like believing one deserves to want (and pursue) whatever (consensual) thing one does want, is a quintessential aspect self love and self acceptance.

      • One more thing (I should really be working on my novel). I have been the person in a fuqed up relationship. One of those guys who proposed choked me until I blacked out when I broke up with him. Then he stole all the money I had save to open a gallery/coffee shop, and stalked me for at least the next six years. He is why I’m not on facebook. My best friend warned me, and I knew in my gut he was seriously off, but he was so handsome and cool and into me (way too into me) that my abandonment issues didn’t let me listen. I am not a lesser person for that experience. No one else would be either. I’m glad my friend still loved me and didn’t destroy our friendship to hang out with someone more ‘positive.’ I am also glad she tried to protect me by telling me the truth. From that experience I learned more of what to look for and look out for.

    • Hmm, this gives me an idea for a TV show, “The Taming Of The Drew”, or something, or maybe a human version of Treasure Finders or Trash Hunters or something, that show where someone(s) go into people’s sheds or basements etc to find neglected junk, scrub it up and make a motza on the resale because it is in fact a rare or priceless artefact or example of Xx vintage. 😀 ;D

      secretly happy that you seemed to understand that sleeping in does not alone make one a lesser life form, or something like that , haha

  27. I’d say going through the dark waters of the psyche is likely it. My sense is that it is likely to start with two people who are unwilling to go through those waters and evolve together. It may be easier for them to disconnect and ‘start again’ with different relationships. I can see how these people may avoide change. Or maybe ot is a ‘stay together for the kids’ stereotype. So much to consider with crypto relationships. Thankfully I don’t know first hand.

    I find it interesting to see stereotypes pop up in the comments…. particularly married women or women with kids not wanting to have sex with their husbands and would appreciate them finding it elsewhere… needing seperate houses to get alone time. I’m curious about where the respect is in working things out together in relationships.

    I find women with kids do want sex from their husbands and alone time is also something you can do without having to live on your own.

    I am a Leo (with aqua rising) here, I feel like my comments may reflect a bit of this so it’s noted. Lol

  28. I think this is just an encounter with a run of the mill, dime a dozen, deceitful narcissistic douchebag. They’re possibly just proliferating due to internet pornography giving them the idea that they are sex gods and women are trash…

  29. I never thought about marriage and wasn’t amazed at the prospect when asked. But doing it really surprised me! My Venus/Saturn/Mercury conjunction really appreciated 1. adorning the sentiment with 2. traditional ritual and 3. verbally asserting our combined intent. It changed the relationship like when you streamline a vehicle for speed. If that makes sense.

    So crypto marriage is just a liar lying with a more up to date excuses. Who isn’t appreciative, grateful or happy & has set no intent on becoming so. Hungry ghosts eating off the plastic fruit plate.

  30. Ahhhhh, Neptune. With it on the Ascendant and SN, I attract addicts and depressive types. Dating is so tricky when you have it strong!

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