Comment On This Strange Vintage Zodiac Ref To Win!

Filed in Astro Gaga

Okay so it has been a long week, Mercury is Retrograde and last night i dreamed i was having a conversation with Saturn about being in Capricorn. This is becoming a thing now; i had the most intense Saturn dream right before the shift into Sagittarius as well.

ANYWAY, I am relying on your wit and insights to parse this and put it into, um, context.

There will be three winners chosen next Tuesday and the prizes are three x 12 month long Mega Mystic memberships, giving you access to the Horoscopes, Tarot, Oracle & Scheduler…

If you are already a member and you win, you can just have it added on as extra time or given to a friend.

Seriously, the more you read this advertisement, the weirder it is.  I eagerly await your comments, insights, context and/or story riffs.  Fair Warning: I am reviving the word “leery”.

Image: It is from a newspaper called the Oakland Tribune in February 1953.  The newspaper lasted from 1874 until 2016.

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60 thoughts on “Comment On This Strange Vintage Zodiac Ref To Win!

  1. The Doodler was so upset to be a man and therefore unable to menstruate or use Kotex, that he found expressing his inner bloodletting (and Moon/Mars in Leo) on the tablecloth the only effective form of therapy.

  2. The message is so totally janked up, I don’t know how this one made it out of the gate. But I suppose their target audience was menstruating women, and those silly gals only think about getting their MRS degree, ya know, so I’m sure the thinking in 1954 was “let’s do a scenario where this ‘ideal woman’ is with an ‘ideal man’ and maybe make this whole thing about him being so awesome that it is borderline questionable because he is so avant-guard, and we will just segue that thing he is doing – because you can’t have a pantiliner ad about yucky pantiliners or actual menstruation, too distasteful – into how great these pantiliners are. Genius! And she looks so happy and pleased and serene because she doesn’t need to think about how unsightly her nasty bleeding arse is now that he has saved her with his brilliant design. Oh, he thinks of everything. Whatta man!
    I often wonder if those Pluto in Leo folks are what drove the whole Boomer ideology (that’s still kicking and fighting its last breaths today – those fuquers don’t let go or give up!) that includes this patriarchal bs. I’d love to see a wide view astro write up of how the 50s and Reaganology and hyper toxic masculine ethos came about and has been perpetuated so long. My bet is Pluto in Leo but I’d love to hear other takes on it.

    • You’re right there is heaps on it – Pluto in Leo = the Me Generation, the Baby Boomers. I think Baby Boomers were identified by generational shopping trends and tends to be 1945-1960. Well, Pluto in Leo was very similar years and yes it was the ‘me’ generation who needed to express their Lionine individuality and self-centredness (not to be critical…). Then the Pluto in Virgo gen came and tidied up, somewhat invisibly (there is no pop culture equivalent for us) and IMO revolutionised medicine, education and procedural dramas (ie forensic TV). MM has written on this quite a bit over the years.

  3. Pulling down the vernacular while criticising your date’s status…Maybe he ain’t born wid it! Maybe I’m classist, and racist! But can’t say a word to my “date”.

    Darlin’, you do have a sticky date, and there’s no astro for that. Let me not trawl in any astro types as necessarily being so bitchy in the service of your Lo Lo type. I’ve definitely heard class/race bright sarcastic comments from a plethora. And wonderful inspiring thoughts and actions from the same signs. No prizes here 🙂

  4. Sandy smiled sweetly at the idiot while her menstrual cramps made feel like taking his blue ink pen and breaking it… Decades later a budding advertising exec would remember this ad from somewhere deep in their unconscious and decide all women would for decade have blue ink to represent their periods in a sanitary pad, but only when they weren’t riding bicycles in white pants or frolicking in tiny bikini with their friends in the sea while menstruating.

  5. Incased in his amateur tableside drawing, Jerry did not see his elimination by Scorpio waiter coming. A textbook move to give a Venus in Leo male kiddy crayons to distract. Astro assassination 101

    Sally sighed with relief, ready to change to sweatpants and not have to feign interest in tell tale lines or narcissistic ramblings

  6. freudo puzzles observing perculiar young folk engrossed in unseemly and confusing behaviour brash in the face of social norms and etiquettes. heady on rich, inky, redolent wine and coffee the pair are engrossed in a secretive shared communique on the cheque of their ethological expenditure in invisible ink of signs and symbolism of the past and the future. she can feel the old guards glare and smiles sweetly to herself musing on the male gaze and language; old and new, seen and unseen, unheard and heard, punctuated and periodic; which made an indelible impression on her. or was it indigestion?

  7. My first thought was these words were in the Libra waiter’s head. Then I thought hell no he’s a Virgo and he’s what’s pressed here.

  8. The mercury retro dreams are NAFF. And I bruise good linen without intention in the summer months, thick thighs, pretty eyes. Typical Saggo!

          • True there are other influences. However l have identified some ppl’s Sun thru Mars. If l have trouble working it out, thru what and how ppl say things and what topics they talk about, I look for physicality. Like some attributes just scream their sign.
            One woman said, “How did you pick me for a Taurus?”.
            I said, “You look like Audrey Hepburn”.
            She said, “I’m born on her birthday”.
            I said, “You are born the 4th of May then”
            She said, “You know her birthday”.
            I said, “I know many ppl’s birthays”

            I keep telling ppl that Cancer, Virgo and Scorpio are super-big in my chart.

  9. The preliminary drawings of the Kotex ‘flat pressed ends’.

    Over dinner, Edna seen here, gazing fondly over Hugh’s artistry of her idea for the new cutting edge technology in no leak menstraution. However, Hugh in the end took all the glory back in the office, forcing Edna to quit her job with Kotex and struggle with her own artistic block that had helped enable this sabotage. This drawing was done years later, in Edna’s journal to help give closure over this thieving leery vampire.

  10. The battlefield over women’s bodies continues…
    Kitty pondered if in fact she was really sitting at this table. At this time of the day she should be in her anti-aging oxygen chamber podcasting into the fifth dimension recalibrating every cell into blissful cohesion.
    Lucky this intern is pretty.
    He just doodled on another prototype of The Rorschach Femi-Liners.
    Hmmmm phase 1 for the Mercury Retro Recycling Movement…

  11. This advert was published 2 months before I was born – in Oakland Hospital. I have the Tribune cut-out of my birth announcement faithfully preserved by my mother. OMG.

    She was nervous about her initiation into the women’s branch of the Masonic Lodge. She kept glancing out the dinner club windows at the glittering Temple lights refected in Lake Merrit while pretending to be engrossed in her husband’s inane scrawling. She wasn’t sure that her gown was appropriate for the ceremony but his fixation on architectural aspirations had to be nurtured so she could afford more and better. HER plans included going through the Starpoint line and achieving Worthy Grand Matron status which necessitated having a Past Master at her side.

  12. Lilac was thrilled at the rough sketch for the album cover of her new mars in Scorpio concept band, The Sigils.

  13. Edna was bored with Jule’s inane scribblings and talk about trickle down economics but she was in training for a lifetime of supporting roles so she smiled and leaned forward in her seat to look interested.
    Charles paused, frowning just as he was about to kindly ask if they were waiting for the bill. Edna’s VPL brought back hard memories of train tracks in the moonlight, lines converging into the long dark tunnel that brought him here, so far from the cornfields of his childhood, here to make his mark on the silver screen, not serve ignorant teens who doodled on the furniture. But it was over in a moment and smothering his emotions, he leaned over the table and said ‘Sir…’
    Pierre paused, frowning. Charles’ VPL was clear even across the crowded room. Was the man’s trousers paper thin? Pierre was roused with a sudden desire to protect and nurture this strangely comic man who had appeared in the restaurant’s back alley one night begging for a job, any job, before being laid out flat by a ladder being carried by passing workmen who just happened to turn around at that moment. If not for that strange twist of fate he would probably have slammed the door in the man’s face but instead rushed over and brought him inside to recover. But what could he be thinking…?! Pierre turned to greet another guest, the frown disappearing under a gratuitous smile just as Charles’ VPL was erased as he straightened, just as Edna’s smile fell the moment Jules got up to pay the bill. Only the scribbles remained.

  14. She said “This place has a reputation for being clean”
    He said “I’ll draw my idea on this sanitary napkin”

  15. “Kotex: for women who know where to draw the line (even when their dates clearly don’t). Now featuring Flat Pressed Ends that keep the napkin from going retrograde and disappearing up Uranus…”

    The best I could come up with at such short notice! Loll

  16. This is just pre-Mad Men days !! When advertising-is-it just-the-zodiac warning you he’s a genius-crazy executive doodling on the actual tablecloth instead of the usual cocktail napkin (hugest ego ever) and she’s taken with his talent, will she possibly sleep with him..(can’t be the good girl forever now can I,”) she’s thinking.

    Say doesn’t the pissed off waiter look like a certain dictator (He Who Must Not Be Named) who DIDN’T get into art school ?? If only he had become a waiter..

    Certainly she’s not thinking he’s thinking of her Kotex pantyliners while he’s drawing on the linen but then maybe.

    Not great as an ad but it looks like a storyboard panel for a strange superhero film where she gets up all of a sudden and strangles the waiter with her thighs, averting an historical and future apocalypse.

    I love her hair.

  17. As Miss Taurus leaned over and admired her Aquarian date’s impressive outline for the spaceship he was working on over at NASA (he was going to drive her there tomorrow to the Kennedy Space Center to see it), she was instantly reminded of her childhood back in the 30s. It had been the Depression that time, you know, so she’d had to make her own pantiliners and pads out of everything and anything – feed sacks, a hand-me-down dress, and yes, even discarded tablecloths from once-swanky 1920s floozy speakeasies.

    She discreetly felt the tablecloth material and thought, “Yes, this would have been much better material. See, it even soaked up Mr. Aqua’s red wine stain …”

    Who knew that the Apollo mission to the moon many years later had been designed on a tablecloth used for such a purpose …

  18. WhaAaaT? Who approved THAT ad as a good idea? In any generation.
    Hsd to read it three times to get it the connection – outlines. Ugh!

  19. It’s an analogy of how “unsightful” a line is in comparison to the lines of panty liners, or lines made by “faulty liners.” I think it’s interesting they compare this guy drawing on a table-cloth to a woman’s period.

    Obviously, designed by a man. Because what on earth would a woman feel if it weren’t connected to a man? Anything too primal would be considered wrong.

    But The zodiac? What do these three boxes represent? Do they mean he is drawing the zodiac on the table-cloth? Did the zodiac have a special meaning or reference that I am unaware of? Perhaps he is a sooth-sayer, or perhaps he is loony? How popular was the zodiac back then?

    He is attractive, as I assume “fetchin’ up” had something to do with good-looks so maybe not to be fooled by his good looks because he will draw on the table?

    But the zodiac and “genius” seem more related than the “warning” and if my interpretation behind the analogy is correct, the focus is more on warning young girls off from another brand of panty liners.

    But what if he is a genius? What if we are all wrong to think table-cloths shouldn’t be sullied. What if he knows that there is more to like than table-cloths. What if charting the stars to get to know your honey better is way more meaningful than a nice white table-cloth?

    Then what should I think about other panty liners? Well maybe that life is too short choosing panty-liners. But then you don’t have to choose, you can pick Kotex.

  20. Joe read over the two lines of copy he just scribbled and frowned. “There’s no sign of a line”… but that could also read badly, make it sound like there’s no one lining up to buy Kotex. With advertising, you were so frequently pushing into the feathery edges of perceptions and double meanings that you didn’t want to risk someone’s subconscious accidentally reading between the… well, lines. He looked it over once more, then shook his head and crumpled up the rough sketch, tossing it over his shoulder.

    Unbeknownst to Joe, the junior layout designer was on a coffee break. Marcy picked up the wadded sheet lying on the carpet and thought, hmm, I have JUST the photo to go with this. It wasn’t an official photo, per se. Actually, her ex had just sent it in the mail last week. It showed him and a new love interest at dinner, fawning over some architectural sketch he had just doodled on the tablecloth. She had no idea why he sent it, really. Some drunk revenge missive?

    But her breakup strategy had not differed one iota from her life strategy: Burn all evidence, don’t look back… unless, of course, something flies in from the past and lands on one’s desk, begging to be put to good use. Then, by all means, make it into art.

    She grabbed an extra cup of joe (pun unintended… or is it?) and stopped by Stan’s desk. A good friend, he was responsible for editing everything into cohesion before sending things off to get approved by the execs. As she approached, she noticed that he had his fists bunched in his hair, shoulders slumped forward in a classic posture of defeat. “All right there?”

    “God, Marcy, is that coffee?” He grabbed it and downed it like espresso, drops flying into the air. “Guess what half-assery they just passed onto me? Make the ad also stand in for the horoscopes column, of all things, for Sunday’s paper. Apparently some writer quit last minute and they’ve decided the next best thing to having a column is to have the number one women’s advertiser multitask for their readers. Have you ever heard anything so inane? As soon as this caffeine hits I’ll have to get the team together, tell them to start over…”

    “Oh wow, that does suck. But actually… I think I have just the right mix of crazy to answer that prompt. Got a minute?” She inclined her head, her ponytail flicking in a promising direction.

    Hair sticking up, Stan rambled over into the empty conference room Marcy indicated, shutting the door behind them. Half an hour later, they’d pieced together so many double entredres (lines, signs, etc.) that there was no chance of anyone mistaking a quip on Kotex’s queue (small comfort to Joe, days later, staring at his collaged copy) or sparing much thought for the horoscope column that was mysteriously MIA. Feminine hygiene product ad, check. Overinflated male ego for the ladies to chuckle over, check. Hell, it was even interactive! No one actually read their horoscope seriously, Marcy reassured Stan. You just needed to put in a few keywords like “zodiac” and some dubious dating advice.

    Besides, one Gemini Sun/Multi Scorp was looking forward to when a former beau flipped over to D7 on Sunday morning…

  21. Passive aggressive way of telling women that they’re uncouth and inconsiderate (‘you oughta be ashamed of yourself’) should those telltale lines tell tales about your body’s activities. Shhh now, you’ll upset your husband.

  22. Lordy…. where to start with these multiple concepts and random language masking an agenda…….

    Mike was a decent husband. Every month he booked a table at the Pelican and they would have a nice snapper or some red herring if it was on the menu. He worked at an advertising agency and fancied himself as a bit of an artist and Jean tolerated his ‘genius’ with affection but tonight found herself wondering if she shouldn’t be just a little firmer as he began sketching his latest slogan artwork on the table cloth. He stupidly took her smile as encouragement and was oblivious to the fact that she was menstruating and the bloody Kotex that she was wearing wasn’t living up to its claims. Margie had given her a ‘warning’ after trying them out but the packaging was tasteful and they were $2.00 cheaper this week so she grabbed some but in their haste to make the 7pm booking she’d forgotten to pack a spare.

    Jean sat there with her loving smile frozen upon her face as she practiced looking relaxed whilst working her pelvic floor, reluctant to interrupt her Virgo (zodiac) man when he was immersed in the detail of his sketch and hoping he’d just bloody well get on with it so they could get the bill.

    Salvadore wandered past the Gordon’s table with a quizzical look at the hunched over Mike with a pen in his hand. He’d migrated from Columbia 6 months ago and was relieved to see no sign of a line.

    Such disrespect he thought, ‘didn’t anyone teach you anything’ but his English was not so good and he worried about how to communicate this. He couldn’t afford to lose his job. He’d have to go back. No, he wasn’t going back, he, on the other hand, had learnt a thing or two.

    Jean smiled on, oblivious to Salvadore as she pondered whether they could put the tablecloth on the bill and she could somehow pull off draping it across her body to discreetly leave the restaurant.


    ~ H’ain’t cha got no fetchin’s up? (from rural Ohio)
    ~ Didn’t anyone teach you anything?

    • Hahaaa…i later thought, “I’ve translated wrong!”

      Askew, maybe. (A few things rearing ugly heads in the background of life here.)

      • I am now flu ridden but a winner! Saturn void Saggi.

        Hope you are holding up and even better slaying them with your wit and intelligent responses. If that don’t work you could always grab a mallet… things rearing ugly heads made me think of whack a mole

  23. Thoughts running through Selena Libra’s head as she poses sweetly and demurely for the camera:

    “WHY is the advertising of women’s moon cycle bleeding and it’s necessities so utterly distasteful – an aberration – that has to be crypto cameoed in order that only menstruating women can spot it? Like in this pastiche of different scenarios – none of which have any correlation to each other…. I mean WHY is there a leery old waiter staring over my shoulder while this bozo is drawing on the table cloth? My god, no wonder women are accused of over-analysing situations – we’ve been bred and micro managed for centuries to live in subterfuge worlds of subtleties and nuances so as not to offend men’s sensibilities with our very NATURE…. FUCK this shit!!”

  24. ‘ Let me finish tracing these saturn rings..’
    ‘ Oh darling Gemini,you’re so Dec 2017’..
    ‘Please dear, don’t get leery with me!’

  25. From Pseud’s Corner

    Utilising shades of Mary Poppins (cheeky cockney chappy masquerading as a waiter) the narrative indicates the power of the occult – and its link to menstrual blood.
    The reference to ‘outlines’ and ‘flat pressed ends’ are obviously symbolic of a Masonic influence through its oblique reference to geometric shapes.
    The fact that the focus of the action is on a man doodling is another strong symbolic pointer.
    The line ‘bruising the linen’ indicates both the desecration of purity and the sanitary use of napkins.
    Finally, the text asks us what we think the doodle represents. The options provided – the zodiac, warning and genius – show very clearly the real thrust of this story.
    He thinks he’s drawing a magical formula for avoiding the bill.
    She thinks getting him to pay for anything is like getting blood out of a stone – and wishing she had wings.

  26. This ad is a not-so-subtle prompt on the value of conformity – not surprising given the day. Yes, that non-conforming pseudo-genius man who draws on tablecloths is actually just inconsiderate – and so will you be, ladies, should anyone have to witness your “lines” in public. Goodness knows that girls who are *actually* “successful” don’t make their bodily functions an object of public note!

    I can only guess that there are some weird Puritanical Virgo / Perverted Pisces / Out-there Aquarian vibes threaded through this strange linkage of image/ concept/ message.

  27. It was code.

    Sybil had worked her way up in the male dominated world of advertising via a mixture of voodoo, charm and raw hard work.

    She was damned if anyone would knock her off her hard-won perch.

    A kotex advertisement seemed like the perfect camouflage.

    She wanted to send a message to her sisters.

    Kenneth was the office astro-babbler, prone to telling women he could “draw their soul chart” on the first date over a rye whiskey. He was also a bounder and a cad and the first to “put the hard word” on a girl and then enjoy smearing her reputation around town–especially if he managed to get her under the table and retrieve a few crisp notes from her purse.

    This wasn’t an ad—it was revenge—and everyone knew who she was referring to.

    Illustrations by Betty in the Art Dept, who had also endured the hell that was Kenneth.

  28. WINNERS:


    I love these all though. Thank you once again for the wit & surrealism…Can the people above please email me so i can award you your prizes!

    • Wow! Thank you Mystic! That’s really bolstered my flu ridden bod and I even mustered a smile. Yay! Will email… xx

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