Saturn On Speed

Filed in Saturn

Warning: Saturn Can Cause Ennui.  We associate the Time God SO much with brisk, awesome results and worldly shit-together status – or at least i do – – that it is easy to forget the transition through Saturn School can be like when you hit the wall studying. Or capitulate to some crappy compromise because you’ve just worn through your ebullience reserves.  Or some standard-urban-power-drama challenge (a Taliban-esqe city ranger was mine this morning) stirs the spookiest shadows of your psyche.

Now that Jupiter in Scorpio is prompting many people to be a LOT more aware of their deeper feelings – key concept: Depth Tripping – it is impossible to skitter away from the Saturn in Sagittarius square Chiron Vibe. Square what? Yes Saturn has two more major aspects to make in Sagittarius before gliding into his home constellation of Capricorn.  There is Saturn square Chiron till November 7 and then we are straight into Saturn trine Uranus. Guess which one of those two is my fave? So these themes are underlying the Horoscopes of the moment, even if it does not specifically name them as such.

Saturn Chiron is upon us already and it’s A Healing. This alignment is Psycho Somatic. The mind-body-psyche matrix has never been more potent.  It’s also a time when many people are super-conscious of their identity, how well that construct resonates with core self and if any tension between those two is manifesting in strange ways. No Louise Hay did not possess me. It’s the astral energy du jour.

And the ghosts of old traumas or ancient angst are most definitely floating up. Put a line of salt across your threshold, tell the truth and light a candle to your future. Because…try as we might, we cannot time-trip back and alter decisions made or eras gone by but we CAN control our now.  More in the Daily Horoscopes….


Image:  Ramon Casas – Young Decadent
Ava Gardner

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114 thoughts on “Saturn On Speed

  1. ennui – What i have always called gypsy feet, restless, tried, bored beyond belief, but with a to do list longer than my arm. Must have Saturn in Sagittarius square Chiron Vibe strong in my chart somewhere as this vibe happens at least a few times a year since i was a child, lol lol.
    Could just pack up the basics and buy my gypsy wagon, horse and all, sit the dog next to me and be off to wander up and down the coast for the rest off my life. Life and work aren’t bad or anything, just how i feel.
    The other thing i notice with this vibe is my total intolerance for the churn style service we get now days, especially those that are government based.
    Seriously lose my shit with them…. Doctors in medical centres are currently on my list.
    Sometimes wonder if i was put in charge while in this mood, how much i could fix, change and improve for all of us???? Certainly have the motivation to achieve at the moment.
    Anyway, have been up for more than a couple of hours now, so time to put some of my list in the dome pile!

    • Mandarins in windowless buildings are on my list. The type that enforce government policy void of compassion and logic.

      • It all comes down to a fear of headlines and legal action, a call from an “outraged citizen” to the Daily Foghorn.. and then the ministerial flapping-about… disembodied management practices unconsciously figuring the posthuman. An independent opinion above the ramparts? Shoot it down! I’m not qualified to address it intelligently, I’m just acting in this role. Rules obeyed: tick! Good boy. No kerfuffle for you. Keep away from those scrappy trouble makers. They just give us a headache! *pat pat* Now, who’s for a celebratory beer? All this protocol is making me thirsty.

  2. Saturn four degrees past my SN and one degree off the start of my 5th house and it’s been quite the week. Triple Toro insisting on helping me with house repair tasks to save me a couple of hundred bucks, resulting in tensions and a new set of maintenance problems created. Weird merde happening with appliances, boundaries in communal living areas, water getting into wall cavities causing electrics to fail, clocks stopped, etc etc.
    Then today I see online that my ex-hub is selling our house. Well, my former house. How strange to see so much of my stuff that I left, on display to help sell the place. He didn’t even get new bedlinen.
    For a couple of years I had a recurring dream about going back to that house, it was always so distressing. I suppose with Neptune conj my IC ‘home’ (or lack thereof) has always been a big issue in my life. I lived there for longer than anywhere I ever lived, even as a kid. I used to have panic attacks in the car when I first moved out because I only knew how to get places from that street.
    Last week I had a dream he was telling me he was getting married again. I told him I was happy for him although I didn’t mean it. We hugged but one of those arm’s length hugs, lots of space between our bodies.
    So over this fourth house business. I’m obviously still resisting moving on properly. How lame, after all this time.

      • Thanks babe. I cried all night and woke up with a headache. Think I’ll take to my bed today.
        My biggest concern seems to be – where will the spirits of my dogs go once neither of us is there to take care of them? I hope the dog netherworld has that stuff figured out.
        End of a chapter, for sure. xx

    • It’s not lame. I fuxking can’t stand the 4th house. It’s claustrophobic for me at of the time . like I’m trapped. I feel like with a node here I’m supposed to spawn and bake cakes while farewelling my spouse who is off on actually fun and interesting adventures – over the horizon. Ugh vomit. Maybe if I have my own place though… Sigh. (Personal pi rant follows) And then there is Pluto IC, Can’t imagine what Neptune must be like! Is your grown-up space kind of spiritual for you? (Or invisible or on a mist-shrouded island? 🙂 )
      I know with Pluto there though, I can never go back once I’ve left a house or even a town. Nostalgia makes me queasy. I came back to my main home city some time ago but I actually regret this – it’s been really hard – complicating factors though. I need to throw a dart at a world map to see where to go next!
      Just thinking out loud I think…

      Maybe, ok Neptune and south node being clocked, with weird malfunctions, there is energy releasing itself in the form of your current home, that is still a bit caught up?.like psychosomatic but for houses? Is the Toro your Saturn sth node transit? (Random idea.) Do you need house acupuncture? Maybe a house spirit stirred up?
      I’m only good for questions these days it seems…

      • I love the idea of psycho-somatic for houses. It did feel like some weird domino-effect of the energy. I think it was set off my my going against my better judgement and allowing TT to help out. He’s such a fuquing scam artist, never wants to do anything properly if he can save $5.
        I have never really figured out Neptune conj IC. It manifested pretty fuqing badly in my nut job substance abuser parent. I do need my home to be a place of spiritual safety and a creative sanctuary. I am obsessed with ‘home’ and in fact explore this in my academic life as well as my actual life. (Neptune trine Merc).
        Pluto conj IC. Sheeesh, there should be a club, or a support group. Perhaps a closed FB group with full privacy lockdown 🙂
        Leaving and never going back sounds like a good way to express this. Or perhaps you effect complete transformation (within and without?) wherever you land. Perhaps the place acts on you, and you on it. xx

        • ” He’s such a fuquing scam artist, never wants to do anything properly if he can save $5.”
          Hahaha how does your cap moon feel about that 😉

          Wow , that’s a really interesting way to consider Pluto IC.
          I’m keen to make the most of astro cartography and also move far away from my Pluto ic line – at the moment, the thought of heading ‘home’ each day makes me want to turn and run in the opposite direction. It’s site specific though.
          Being the academic type I’d sure be interested in what your research turns up.
          Full privacy lockdown for Pluto IC club sounds good to me. I need the kind of place that is positioned according to ancient military defence strategy , but I guess the Libra part needs total chill and harmony also fresh flowers …once across the moat.

        • I wonder if you could start a research focus group based on hard outer planet aspects to the IC or 4 th house generally…

    • I just read this thread. I also have (4° Scorp) Neptune cj my IC @ 29° Libra. It is a shit-carnival for sure. I just posted something on a early Astro-Hacks titled the Angles.
      I have had more abodes than years. And being opp the MC there prob has been unsettling aspects to your career stuff.

      Thru unusually strong placements in Scorp the Libran influence has been evicted from the 4th rulership.

    • 4th house stellium / node here all trining Pluto…and I live currently on my Pluto IC line currently of course. I don’t take it as negative but I guess it is considered so in astrocartog? W/e I’m Pluto powered. But I do feel the need to move somewhere more supportive this coming year like on my venus ic

      Chrysalis I think your dream is a fine sign of your consciousness letting go! Neptune IC to me means you’re working in your dreams to process. I think a lot of people resist their 4th house issues because they resist looking to their inner foundations, it’s not fun or easy.

  3. I am probably Chiron sensitive, but I have been feeling this square between Saturn and Chiron since before Xmas last year. I have noticed over many years that whenever Chiron is aspected by transit, I’m in for a deep shit-scraping time. These days I seem to survive it with a tad more equanimity and less making a jerk of myself.

    FWIW, my interpretation of Saturn is one of vulnerability and fear, and where it is placed in a chart, seems to bring that vulnerability and fear out in that particular sphere of life. Chiron links into our pain and suffering. Our deepest longings. Invariably, the times when we were cut the deepest, will resurface when Chiron is strong in the sky. Pluto does this too, but it more strips the personality – the facade. Chiron is emotional. Hurt, pain and fear. It totally sucks.

    Unless, we face it.

    PS It hurts me to make my offerings here, and each time, have to wait for them to be moderated. MM has told me that the ‘system’ learns who I am, but to this point, the ‘system’ seems to lack a basic IQ. I don’t feel part of this blog when I have to wait for my posts to go live – sometimes days. When my post does go live it is long past the discussion. It’s a disconnect I don’t enjoy. I posted this morning, nearly14 hours ago, and am yet to see the post.

    PSS Does anyone else (non subscriber) have their comments moderated?

    PSSS I get that it’s a weekend here, and that people need to take time off, but it’s on the weekends that I have time to check in here. Is this going to keep happening?


    Feeling Slightly Paranoid Monte

      • Okay so i find this comment uniquely irritating and here is why.

        Firstly, you have just responded to yourself using another nick name, which is a bit off.

        Secondly, you have emailed me repeatedly to complain that you feel your comments are moderated unfairly and so on. I have responded at length and kindly to say it it is not personal and that the new Amazon server (due to legal reasons beyond my control) is more fussy with moderation. And that i have no idea why your comments are being held for moderation. It is happening to a tiny few people and nobody has complained about it apart from you.

        Thirdly i do sometimes have some time off over the weekend – it is not that unusual and frankly i think you are more than slightly paranoid. To whinge here when i have already patiently answered your emails is unfair.

        Fourthly, I also don’t appreciate having my own birth chart mansplained to me in the comments as you did a few weeks ago. I would have thought it was obvious that i probably know more about both astrology and my own natal chart than you. That you were then petulant about that was telling.

        Finally, you have never had to wait “days” for a comment to be moderated. And as i have already patiently explained to you in replies to your many emails re this, the comments moderation has nothing to do with whether or not you are a Mega Mystic member. They are separate systems.

        I am over it. I am banning you from the comments and I am blocking your emails. I hope that you find what you are looking for on another website, thank you.

        best wishes,

  4. Nice choice of pics. Mystic, i like the synchronicity here – you posted this as the Sun was going over Ava’s Saturn/IC.

    Her Saturn ON the IC…. & opposite Chiron. This would feel like Saturn on speed all your life i would imagine.

    I read somewhere that with Saturn on IC the natives may sometimes feel that there is nothing inside them & that if others could look at them they would see only emptiness. Ava always struggled with feelings of inadequacy & worthlessness: “Deep down I´m pretty superficial” is one of her famous quotes.

  5. hella on point. and wow that first image is me like 75 per cent of the time, especially during all this hard-hitting saturn stuff.

  6. Speaking of speed
    Can anyone offer advice about how to handle a colleague with mars conjunct mercury in GEMINI? That’s conj my asc and therefore square my sun mercury. When they get rolling, the person has a voice that would penetrate bunker concrete and I literally can’t hear myself think, so relentless and off topic is the verbal. (I get that I too am talkative , but this is off the scale) Oversharing and intrusive “explanation” of shit I never cared to ask about and do actually know, if you bothered to enquire?
    I am trying to WORK here lol.
    Normal social cues to pls stop talking don’t seem to register.
    I think I need to take the moon in cap approach and explain that by constantly talking, they are disrespecting the fact that I have a job to do and can’t do it if being forced to listen to bizarre monologues about… Themself and everything they know.
    Argh 🙁

    • is it reasonable to just straight up ask them to stop? i would find that personally very difficult to do, but at the same time i feel like being straight-up in order to respect your boundaries is something most people need to practise more. make it more “normal” to let others know when they are making us uncomfortable, etc

        • Maybe try channeling a Scorp with Saggo moon. LOL.

          You could say:
          “Do you realise how much you talk???”

          That’s not too nasty.

          Hmm. Don’t think I’ve had issues with someone else talking incessantly. Usually I’m the problem. I’m aware of it though and try hard to curtail my bad habit.

          I once mentioned to the Pisces guy that I talk too much and asked “I wasn’t that bad tonight was I?” His response was “40 min !! ”. LOL. Oh the horror that he must have been timing me.

          My record for talking was back in the 90s – dance party days. A Taurus (also Saggo moon) friend of mine and I talked for around 12 hours!!! We were tripping at the time but still. Haha. Toro friend was still chatting the day after and I just said “oh shut up. I’ve had enough”.

    • This type of person can make you physically ill, seriously. I once copped this type of verbal attack in an aeroplane and it made me puke. Someone I’d never met raving about shit till the sound of her voice was like 2 fingers stuck down my throat. I have a slight tendency to claustrophobia and people like this can bring it on, even in wide open spaces.

      • It is … hard to handle.
        Omg I’ve just realised I knew someone else like this. It was a long time ago so I’d handle it differently these days hopefully, but that person did not physically stop talking for 45 minutes, maybe an hour. I don’t know how she even took a breath in that time. I couldn’t get 2 words in to even say “I’m late and I have to go.” I think I just got into the car, started the engine and said ok bye!!!

        • It’s like mental assault. That person needs help before she hurts other people. I have a friend that I’ve known for well over 40 years. He does this. The way I handle him is limited face to face. I set a time limit and tell him what that is. I say mate, I’ve got 1 hour. I don’t respond if he raves and leave on the hour. On the phone if he raves, I literally put the phone on low speaker and watch a movie. Some of his raves have gone for hours. I am pretty good at telling him what he’s doing and that it’s toxic etc but it makes no difference. I put up with it cause I love him dearly. If I didn’t I would avoid him like everyone else.

          • If it’s a work person then it’s a bit like being assaulted while in jail. If you can’t avoid her find another prisoner who will protect you.
            Whose within your cell block that can provide that protection ?

          • Good God. Yes its not quite like that. I was going to add a long ‘splainy comment but my thumb’s getting sore …noting the irony hahahaahahha

            P.s. is it a pathology of some sort? Like do the marathon talkers go into a fugue state?

            I don’t think this is too off topic come to think of it – mars is squaring Saturn rn, that has to be a boundaries thing..

  7. OMG totally got into a screaming match with a drunk chick on the Tube last night–she kept yelling that I was ISIS and had a bomb in my bag. Everyone just stood around looking at me as I kept repeating in various decibel levels for her to go the fuck away/get out of my space. Then I got lectured by people about how “you just ignore those people”…um, NOT WHEN THEY ARE IN YOUR SPACE AND WON’T LEAVE. What is it with people who want perfection in the behavior of the VICTIM of aggression? Any excuse to not have had the balls to help out a fellow human being, I guess.

    • The Tube…. dear god…. you have my sympathies. My take on it is that by it’s very nature of being underground, it is a vortex inhabited by lesser demons of the underworld who often enter those passengers whose own Lower energy aligns with them.

      So this is why most people, if you notice, instinctively (out of fear) “neutralise” themselves in the hope that they won’t attract the demons. The problem is that when they neutralise they also neutralise/paralyse their humanity and moral judgements. So that when someone such as yourself gets attacked by such demons – in their minds YOU are somehow at fault for attracting them – and so you will not get the support you need.

      Btw, my views on this were vindicated after reading Neil Gaiman’s “Neverwhere” ….. 😉

      • Thanks so much for the response, Cherry Moon. Love the whole lesser demons idea. I’ve always loved riding The Tube (and other subways), and usually have really positive experiences/encounters. This took me by absolute surprise–though to be fair, I was irritated/stressed out and maybe this chick sensed that–and also sensed that while I would not walk away, I wasn’t going to respond for fear of being arrested for responding.

        I actually asked aloud if someone would get a guard. I, however, was not going to be bullied off my spot–which was leaning in a corner. There was a women standing behind the crazy lady actually ignoring my requests for assistance (ie, go find a guard or intervention) and instead scolding me that I should move away. I asked her (around the crazy lady) “If this were a man bothering me, would you really be just standing there telling me I should move away?” she ignored that question, obviously.

        Then she was on the car with me mansplaining how you “ignore people like that.” I lived in the Tenderloin in SF for 20 years, lady. I know how to handle crazy people–what I was not prepared for was the absolute indifference of everyone else present (including the friend of 30 years I’d been out to dinner with). I guess in SF the whole indicent would have drawn a bunch of other crazies which would have swirled away from me like a tornado or gotten so big that I could have walked away without being noticed.

        Somehow I think this is all related to my Pluto Rising…

        • “If this were a man bothering me, would you really be just standing there telling me I should move away?”… Yes – she would have, believe me.

          I’ve been travelling the London Underground for over 25 yrs, so i’ve seen and experienced a few unsavoury attacks – but there’s never been anybody who aided the victims in any of those attacks – which have been mostly women. Not ONE…. except for yours truly, who of course landed into trouble for doing so. But still i will not neutralise my feelings & shut down my duty to help.

          Love your SF depiction…. so true, Lol.
          And while it’s true that most people that travel the subways/underground keep to themselves as some form of protection – the Tube riders have taken to English stoicism (saturnity?) in extremis… your barrier – you deal with it, dear …. nothing to do with us…..

          Anyway, your attack sounds nasty & i know how something like that coupled with the indifference of your fellow passengers actually compounds it – because it’s not just one issue – the actual attack – but the huge let down of those around you – which with me would spiral into existential angst on the human condition.

          It’s natural to then look at ourselves to blame when we can’t find a rational explanation for something – but really the only thing your Pluto Rising has to do with this is that you didn’t back down. Saturn might be stoic but Pluto is power baby & is not going to back off when taken by surprise.

          Maybe check Uranus (sudden attacks) or Mars?

            • LOL I also have Uranus/Moon/Lillith conj. in first house–in LIBRA! They are more than 10 degrees away from that Pluto though, which is literally at 1 Libra.

              I was totally triggered this last trip by the absolute inhumanity on the Tube. Why are people putting their luggage literally in front of the carriage door, blocking half of it? Didn’t a bomb just go off there? Shouldn’t everybody be conscious of this?

              It’s definitely an ancient angsty thing for me, the trouble that comes with defending yourself or another–as you have–I’ve been arrested for standing up for others in the moment as well as myself. I feel like it’s the worst kind of powerless to know that you CAN defend yourself, but you’ll be worse off for it anyways. Obviously, if you need to break a bottle over someone’s head to get their hands off your throat–oh wait–I’ve been arrested for that too. ;-p

              What gets me is the LECTURES about it afterwards. IF you had nothing to say or do in the moment? Now you REALLY have nothing to say.

              I live in Glasgow now and I think this would not have happened. I also have to return to the US quite often and I notice the social darwinism/don’t give a fuq about you in micro-daily movements is staggering over there. The hammer is coming down, I think and the people in the bigger cities–more affected by neoliberalism, are the canaries in the coalmine, so to speak. Or the assholes in the Tube who will burn themselves and everyone else to death because they put their luggage in front of the carriage door.

  8. I read something somewhere, can’t remember where. Chiron transits translating as “becoming less than you are”.

    I took issue with this, lol, and thought about different meanings of ‘becoming less’, rather than seeing it as a status issue. One thing that immediately jumped to mind was a Yin practice. During just-finishing Chiron sun transit, yin / hatha yoga saved me in immense, subtle ways. The foundation being to not seek perfection, to ‘not’ force, to find the pose in an easy way, using any and all support materials, and then notch the effort further down, like apply 30% ‘less’ effort, mentally and physically… and emotionally.
    Related to this was starting to do (i think i mentioned this somewhere else) meditations based on being, acceptance, allowing, breath…
    I mean, Chiron really did overcome odds despite his (pre-centaur-arrow) wounding (rejection), it strikes me that if we can recognise our suffering or even maybe for the sensitive ppls transmuting a generational or cultural suffering , and that by softening and seeking a kind of transcendence, it can co-exist with us, and be acknowledged. By ‘becoming less’ there are a lot of ways that we are also becoming more, it seems to me, at least I hope so.

    • Lovely thoughts. Wording is everything. I had a reflexologist tell me my 2nd chakra was empty, cavernous, like you could throw rocks in there and they would echo. I mean…you just don’t say that to a middle aged woman. I went on a search to redefine “empty”–such is the positive of this not-so-great encounter. I found BINAH: “Binah exemplifies the image of the void not as an empty place but instead a location of great power. It can pull things into itself, knead and twist them, and produce something completely different.”

      I appreciate that you point to less as a way to move through some phases of life in a positive way. With so much fire in my chart, I find it is not my first thought. Yet, Saturn, Chiron, Jupiter are all pointing to extended yin as a very very VERY good idea.

      I always appreciate your insights, Pi! Thank you.

      • Binah….love it!

        And Pi, yes, I agree…I’m taking an online course regarding saturn transit through capricorn (saturn return starting in mere weeks.)

        one of the questions asked ‘Is your vision realistic?’
        I replied: Yes. It’s entirely realistic, I believe, to think that by understanding and loving myself for what and who I am at any given moment, will aid tremendously in making decisions, pursuing interests, forming relationships, taking on challenges, etc

        And part of that is involves the being less. being less could also mean more space and more space allows more movement, more movement allows for for of ME to come in…to hopefully balance out between striving to be all and being less, just a nice middle ground of being

      • It wasn’t till I experienced that moment of what I call ‘nowhere to go’ that I understood that moment as a time when you have 100% potential. I seek out that emptiness actively. The process starts by giving up… till there is nothing that owns you. Remember what you think you ‘own’ owns you. Once emptiness is achieved we finally are in control of our lives. Rinse and repeat daily to achieve full understanding of the moment. Each one, one after the other till you are filled up again. A being.

          • And this goes beyond the material, for me it has been first existential, but I know there is a strongly material element to face up to soon (now, haha.)

            • I’m feeling this thought vibe deeply, of less- of letting go of control. I like the idea of Chiron as that + weird turn pro. Maybe you weird turn pro when you embody “less”. Chiron transiting moon currently, just was on sun

      • Binah. That’s interesting. It’s cool that you dug around to find out more about this interpretation rather than sit in a place of judgement and “less than”.xx

    • When you are cooking and you are reducing a sauce, you are concentrating it. Making it more delicious! You are taking away parts unnecessary to it.

  9. Ugh, yes. I had to take a day off work due to severe anxiety today (longstanding anxiety which I had mostly under control until said job went off the rails about a year ago). But the stress isn’t what’s making me unable to leave the house, it’s the deeper terror (also longstanding) that people I’ve never met are able to make decisions that profoundly and negatively affect my life, all in the name of profit. It’s a weird social contract we’ve signed up to. I want to opt out.

    • hi alchemy salt <3, the second thing, comes across to me as a disempowerment thought / feeling process. I was wondering what is the story with Aries in your chart (and Mars), and also pluto. or even a south node aspect? I was wondering if there was a big change in your life that had an impact on your sense of personal power and self-determination in the wider world.

      (am no shrink – grain of salt as required. Also, I'm sorry you're experiencing this..wishing you peace)

      • It’s an increasingly common source of anxiety though – the subtle aggressions of the outside world really can be too much. Especially when our particular city or neighbourhood (or govt) feels like it’s designed to alienate and diminish our right to exist in the world.

        • Thanks, Pi, much appreciated. And your second comment hits it exactly, I think. We’re all becoming increasingly aware of our utter lack of control but of course, there’s nothing we can do about it, or so it feels.

          Nothing specific in my past to explain it, apart from inherited trauma patterns (my grandfather was abusive). Astrologically speaking, though, I have Mars in Aries and Pluto in Scorpio. Yikes. Also my south node is in Virgo and trine Venus, Saturn, Neptune and Uranus. I’m rubbish with aspects!

          • Sorry alchemy salt, I wanted to reply to this earlier,
            I’m finding that my headspace is a bit better via a solid social media diet (no scrolling, functional only e.G. event management, work updates)..brings my world back to me a little .
            I wonder if it is worth looking into your Virgo south node /Pisces nn for some reflections about the dynamics of trust (self/others), faith, control, that sort of thing. If your anxiety tends to get bad I certainly wouldn’t want my suggestion to land the wrong way, and you know yourself best.
            Mars in Aries and Pluto in scorp!! Wow! And I guess your north node in Pisces would sextile that amazing stellium(?). Are you sure you’re not a spiritual warrior in the making? It’s even there in your name 🙂
            I have faith in you, alchemy salt! <3

  10. Love the images firstly the colour an psychoanalysis reference of the couch. Then pared and parsed–the delicate greys and symbolic creativity of iconography of an ambigous desire flaming the solitary candle speed by a single wick

  11. I have a deep sad ache in the middle of my chest and now I know why.
    I have been very curious and excited since the full moon about tonite “meet new single peeps” event I am going to (yes, I’ve had the courage to sign me to that).
    And all of a sudden all my fear have come knocking at my door. Sat is in my 4th and Chiron in my 7th so it’ “true self vs relationship” match. Oh Yes.
    But what can I do? Should I wait till this feeling is gone? Truth is if I don’t face this I probably drag it along for the rest of my life.

    • And there’s your Pluto first house, calling the shots for change. I never responded to your earlier post about not being Plutonian enough since it’s not conjunct Asc, but i thought you really are. You do deep change, which i respect and admire.

      • I second that. Anything in the 1st is big. You seem Pluto to me.

        I’ve Sun and Uran in the 1st and despite being 17° apart, and Uran in Leo, I’m ‘textbook’ (such a thing?) Sun cj Uran. My Moon in Aqua plays a part in this.

        I also think planets in in Angular houses are a bit stronger..just a ponderance

  12. omg … that top picture!! stop stalking me and taking pictures of me in my home!!! lmao!!!

    my cat’s diggin the ennui though let me tell you, yay! more snuggles!!!!

    the challenge is doing what needs to be done while draped across the furniture making dramatic sighing noises.

    definitely feeling the tension between “identity” and “core self” … been moving through the world professionally for far too long as someone i just think i should be, not as who i actually am. time to make some changes.

    • Ha yeah i wore all black on a hot day today. Now i believe it was Friday 13th? Clients did mention it and i told them Monday 13th was a far worse day, because who likes Mondays? Now i think of it, i’m only not relaxing because of little things that were confessed, and i hold the confessions, i worry privately for them, i pray and keep watch in the little way they never feel. To their faces i smile and soothe and we keep going on the project, with any concession they need, where i can.

      But i had bodywork afterward with someone you could only call a bodywork witch and discovered they are probably Taurean. Lucky lucky lucky and going to try passing it on. If 6th house is everyday alchemy, so be it, and it be so.

      Can’t wait to get to the tired i know i feel!

  13. “And the ghosts of old traumas or ancient angst are most definitely floating up.”

    Ain’t this the truth. The difficulties I’ve faced in teaching are, l figure, because I’m ‘too’ Uranian for the profession. My latest crime was to have taken an iron rod and “repeatedly physical abuse” an early teenage kid. Of course it’s BULLSHIT. But this is why l was sacked. No investigation. No objective inquiry. None of my input whatsoever. Just biased outcomes based on some lie by a kid who is obviously not loved.

    And they’ve used former misdemeanours that have been exaggerated way beyond any semblance to the original act against me. All I’ve ever done has been in the name of authenticity. I break rules if they are stupid; that’s my crime. If someone straightens my collar, l immediately mess up my hair.

    My tight Mars cj Pluto exact trine Saturn has ripped into the fuqn incompetents who are NOT investigating me. I know I didn’t do myself any favours but sometimes you’ve just gotta fight.

    Dolores Ibarruri said (fr Spanish) “I’d rather die on my feet than live on my knees”

    • You will live to see this through, and Uranus will ensure it is not on your knees. What Uranus can do is innovate your manner, your thinking about it. With your retreat nature it will at first be hiding and sobbing, and if you don’t let your Fixed stuff rebel into resistance from the core of what you do and the system you work within, then later on you can utilise Mars. You can’t contain Mars, so you need a space to rage, but could use Saturn to resist urges to act yet.

      Forget Dolores in your actions for a minute, her name means Sorrows anyway. Don’t act from that. Feel from it, and if you can let that flow until it’s gone into a cleansing, then you can renew.

      Use that Mars trine Saturn, and work with any uncomfortable aspect Saturn may make NOW, if it does.

      Also, these are ALONE signatures. So thwart repetition, and ensure really good help. You can use Mars-Saturn-Pluto to survive, and so will the cockroaches, or to thrive, a much longer range plan that will stretch out the hurt, sorry. (Pluto trine Saturn here; and you know Mars sq Pluto, so apologies if i’m too hard on the guessed effects,)

      Cancer is creative and Cardinal. Imaginative and artistic. Humorous and empathetic. With Water it may be sensed but not returned, and it may be projected prismatic, fractal, like images in water. Or that could be Water seeing itself. Discount nothing. Take time.

      Uranus is like teenage energy, and with that water, could be a fractal that takes you by surprise. We all recognise teenage energy but we don’t know what their actual teenage thinking/experience is, in total.

      • Ta Milleunanotte, thanks a Million.
        I knew you had some MSP aspects in ya chart. I read your things 3 times to get at what you are saying. I am so ‘fixed n cardinal’; and even my 3 mutables are Earth.

        But “aline signatures”? What does this mean?

    • sorry to hear of all this PF.

      uranus in 10th, doing stuff? sidestepping the reputational damage (can you sue them???), what if this is a chance for you to just blow it off and spend some time cooking up a new work paradigm (country, students, etc) then head off on a fresh tack…

      My more left of centre friends who are in school / teaching environments face intense, fixed institutional dynamics. It’s so strange and often oddly petty. Corporate is a cakewalk compared to some of the stories I hear.

      • Mate, I’m hitting em with everything l can; a 4 pronged defence.. I owe them $30k. (Their mistake which took my original payout from insulting to grossly inadequate). I’ll say to em they aint getting that now.

        Yes it’s so petty. A female colleague had a formal complaint bought against her by a woman who claimed she “looked at her the wrong way”. GFF!!!!

        I’m gonna do some travelling around NSW / Vic / Qld doing car work for ppl l know in French and German car clubs. Plus keep working on my book.

    • Gawd, what a start to Saturn through your 6th!

      And great advice from Mille.

      But i couldn’t resist an Asteroid Moment:
      I thought you might like to hear that Asteroid Dolores (1277) named specifically after D Ibarruri, would have been squaring your Uranus, quintile your Pluto, conjunct your Ceres & sextile your Dolores – all EXACT this past week. (same as me + it was also trine my Sun).
      Really feeling the sentiment atm too for different reasons. (Uranus exactly ON my DC opp Jupe conjunct my Asc …. it’s big)

      Ok, not trying to encourage your uranity any further & i hope you take care and measure your moves as per Mille’s advice – but the good thing is that Dolores lived on her feet till the ripe old age of 93 despite being struck down on her knees a few times.

      • That’s amazing CM. And I’m also amazed you know my chart so well. Funny how Dolores came up and is pertinent just now. Your house basically square mine.

        I also know that astrology is calling me. My MC is 29° Aries; Nep is opp at 4° Scorp. My IC/MC is problematic aneretic lunatic.

        I need to astrodienst this…ta.

          • Yes. Not everybody gets a Uran / MC moment. For Scopes its been in Cancer’s 10th for 7 years but is just going to my personal 10th just now. And l think Uran turning Rx a smidge before my MC culminated in this event; as unsavoury as it had been. Uran has been calling time on my teaching for a year or two now. (I had to earn a reliable wage to keep paying for my old abode for 3 years aft my separation; uptil 2016 when she sold the house).

            I don’t have same financial pressures (apart from the Elucidation Dept chasing me for $30k) as l once did. So doing work as a travelling tradie will suit me just fine. And study/write astro stuff.

            My Moon is atrophying…and let the canefields burn.

            • It sounds like you have the right idea. It is so easy to just walk away when Uranus is in the mix like this! It wasn’t quite as marked for me as it had transited my sun about 4 years earlier so I had already kicked off personal change. Over my MC though, it was a culmination of sorts (finishing-ish the course of study I started with Uran over my 9h sun and an international experience that opened up other worlds and ideas)
              Despite the way this is playing out, it sounds like you know where to go from here. “Itinerant” is a handy mindset for Uranus in 10th lol. Personal revolutions and civil unrest, in the relevant area of our chart hahah. Identity crisis? Maybe it’s easier for a cardinal sign. But ultimately the new regime comes in. I’m starting to see dust settle but the planet still has 2-3 years to go in my 10th house.

            • Independence though. Another keyword. Your moon will definitely not be atropjying with this energy!!!
              Also: when does the south node transit your moon? Is it possible that these work patterns playing out are just old-school vibes that need some attention, archiving? Or filing in the bin?

            • SN on my Moon in about 9mths. NN about to conjunct my Merc Uran conjunction.

    • I relate to this:

      “I woke up this mornin’,
      There were tears in my bed.
      They killed a man I really loved
      Shot him through the head.
      Lord, Lord,
      They cut George Jackson down.
      Lord, Lord,
      They laid him in the ground.
      Sent him off to prison
      For a seventy-dollar robbery.
      Closed the door behind him
      And they threw away the key.
      Lord, Lord, They cut George Jackson down.
      Lord, Lord,
      They laid him in the ground.
      He wouldn’t take shit from no one
      He wouldn’t bow down or kneel.
      Authorities, they hated him
      Because he was just too real.
      Lord, Lord,
      They cut George Jackson down.
      Lord, Lord,
      They laid him in the ground.
      Prison guards, they cursed him
      As they watched him from above
      But they were frightened of his power
      They were scared of his love.
      Lord, Lord,
      So they cut George Jackson down.
      Lord, Lord,
      They laid him in the ground.
      Sometimes I think this whole world
      Is one big prison yard.
      Some of us are prisoners
      The rest of us are guards.
      Lord, Lord,
      They cut George Jackson down.
      Lord, Lord,
      They laid him in the ground.”

  14. Baeeeeeeeeeyuuuuuum!

    – even the offer or invitation to something that would have in the past had me bouncing, now causes an internal recoil.
    The things themselves aren’t even debauched or bad – ‘hey there’s a backyard show happening this sat night with ____ &____, beautiful garden, mulled wine, and stellar tunes, kid friendly etc.’
    It’s not the situations but the People of the past that I can no longer be around.
    Again, not specifically because of who they are but who I was in relation to them, that person, enacted now is straight up disassociation and a lotta denial-mist-pain. And not is it on me in anyway to return into relation with these people with my currently-new-but-still-learning-to-walk as put it up against people that haven’t changed. Or, they have but to catch up would be so so unnecessary.

    Most of today I’ve been feeling the death tripping -instead of being the stone skipped across water I am the ripples of the water…Blaaaah beautiful but exhausting. Let go let go let go.

    I had a show (music) this eve and by early evening I was on the sharp edge of old negative self talk (extra annoying cos it’s rarely ever in explicit words..More like a an approaching ominous hum)…Simply took a good meal and laying face down on the floor quietly replying ‘naw, I’m enough, I’m loved, I know how to chose the right people for me, etc’ and after a while the edge wore off. (Maaaaebbbeee the sat Chiron square being in 12th sag and 3rd pisces?)

    Also had a moon opposition today (natal cap) and tempered that with self reassurance and promising myself that I’d sit to play instead of stand. Worked like a charm.

    I don’t think it’s just a matter of becoming more aware of deeper feelings, but also seeing the gunk that’s been laying on top of them, with a sign that says ‘deeper feelings’ as a decoy…Or mebbe that’s just me and my still flappy imagination trying to ‘get it all’/trouble letting go?

    Also, a humourous side note, the show went well, I opened for a dear friend who also did a stellar job.
    At the end of the night she wound up playing a few solo songs on piano and was so so lovely…Like planned on one and was applauded into two more.

    I noticed two early 30’s urban suit guys (the slick kind that looks silly anywhere but on downtown core streets or advertisements) they were so smitten with her. All that came to mind was their ten year old selves were being sonically tucked in by this Hella Libra/cancer rising/aqua moon music babe.

    After she finished they sauntered(rushed) up to talk with her. She told me after they’d said they work for FB, gave her a card and said to contact them when she’s more established, they’d love to help promote her.
    At least they bought her CD. It was cute underneath and tiring up top.

    • Thats a good call …Chiron 3rd house as an embodied examination of daily social relations and also healing words/talk, Saturn in 12th outlet, crunchy but available to you. How lucky to have music, a friend of the 12th house.

      • Chaaaa, the extra dynamics is that transit chiron is currently squaring natal chiron (Gemini retro) and Saturn has been floating back and forth across my 12th house Sag Mars…which is also opposite natal Chiron.
        Day to day is like a full on observatory, while trying to keep at bay old lures from old worn out channels.

        Music’s been able to creep back into my life. spent a year not able to endure the sound of my own voice and far too sensitive to hear the words of other artists. That and finding so much joy in connecting to people i’ve known slightly, but in new ways that just feel RIGHT (see simple, easy)

    • My inner self is that top pic all day long, my whole life. Amazed I’ve ever accomplished anything. Natal Saturn is rx in Aries in 5th house and trine my Sun–plus a super sensitive 8th house moon in Cancer–I’m down with some good ennui. Like my best invisible friend is my belly button.

      I appreciate these lines a lot: “I was on the sharp edge of old negative self talk (extra annoying cos it’s rarely ever in explicit words..More like a an approaching ominous hum)…Simply took a good meal and laying face down on the floor quietly replying ‘naw, I’m enough, I’m loved, I know how to chose the right people for me, etc’ and after a while the edge wore off. (Maaaaebbbeee the sat Chiron square being in 12th sag and 3rd pisces?)”

      I am constantly dragging myself away from negative self talk. But only sort of, like part of me feels I need to sit there and really understand what it’s about. But, hey, maybe not…just get the fuck out now might be a better course of action. The couch though has the gravitational pull of the sun.

      • I’m coming to be able to seprate myself from my negative self talk in the sense of I can more clearly see that the voice is indeed not mine, but one that i’ve been inoculated to hear, listen and give merit too. It’s a masculine voice and really does only have a finite amount of (negative, doubt inducing) things to say.

        This I could in more ways connect to the unconscious animus, but basically, this is a voice that is NEVER going to be conquered or killed. It will always be there, I know that. However you said it well – ‘..only sort of, like part of me feels i need to sit there and really understand what it’s about…’ you don’t…because what it is about is simply to get you to conintue sitting there listening to things that only tell you not to put your attention and energy elsewhere, i.e. the things you’d like to DO – which takes away from this voice that needs you to listen to it telling you that you can’t do these things in order for it to stay alive (your attention)
        action and ernergy redirected is the escape hatch.
        The voice will follow, but it is not the leader so much anymore for me…it’s having to mature a bit and understand that i have to start a dialogue with this voice (vs. blind acceptance of what it says, arguing with it, and wasting that energy etc.)
        like i did last night with those soft words.

        likewise, i feel, the same needs to be cultivated for the quieter voice of guidance and encourgament…that’s not my voice either, but one that i can listen out for more now, and give thought oo and thanks when it offers something up.

  15. I have faced some demons from my adolescence and realised my family have been making me the scapegoat for years. Just got awesome wholistic new life coach trainer and focused on nutrition, flexibility and strength I finally feel like it’s time to ditch the old coping strategies of self soothing with food and hiding in bedroom away from everyone. Scared of change but it feels unavoidable and empowering!

  16. Feeling it, especially because I’m also having my Chiron return, with natal Chiron at 26 Pisces, 10th house.
    I’ve felt ennui my entire life. It seems to just be part of my personality.
    I’ve been doing a ton of work on my ptsd, though, and going to psychotherapy and hypnotherapy this whole past year. So I’m hoping for a Healing, and to come through to the other side in a better state of being.

    • I’ve got Chiron Pisces at 14º. Is it over yet? Haha.

      Saturn is just about to leave my 12th house where Sadge South node lives. So lots of karmic lessons / growth this year. Can’t wait for Saturn to move into my first!!

      Same with the ennui. My whole life.. Saturn ruled – Cap rising.

      • Bang on 25 Pisces for me. The Young Decadent reminds me of my daughter studying for the HSC, anxious times for them all.

    • Yep…aligned with that impatience today. I’m working through the last dregs of years of healing it feels like, but I’m wanting change NOW, tired of Chiron hovering on my moon. You aren’t alone. Natally I have Chiron in a grand water trine with asc and venus conjunct my sun so maybe I’m stuck with it?

      • Ugh, yeah, Chiron/Moon….. I had that transit right before the Chiron return because I also have my Moon at 7 degrees Pisces.
        I feel like this transformation, path of healing, started in August of 2016, when I really decided to get some help, clean up my act, etc. I feel more, I don’t know…..’integrated’ than I used to be and feel ‘done’ with certain things and behaviors that were really self-destructive, but the transformation isn’t complete and it hasn’t been pleasant…..that’s for sure!

        I don’t think you’ll be stuck with it, dark star, especially if you’ve got trines. Chiron energy may often be ‘in play’ for you, but that the energy would have the chance to be used skillfully instead of you getting hammered by it.

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Mystic Medusa