Competition: Explain This Trend To Win

Filed in Astro Gaga

Explain this trend to win one of three excellent prizes by Friday’s Uranian New Moon. Your explanation for the sudden onset of Designer Platform Crocs can be astrological (Pluto in Capricorn cynical desperation from designers in morphing economy/global financial fuqery or peak Neptune in Pisces), to do with physics – a particle collider malfunctioning, something occult or a surreal twist in an already strange personal narrative.

These are the prizes.

A Wealth Wallet...!

All 12 of the 2018 Horoscopes books!

A Mercury Key Ring!

Image: Balenciaga

Access Horoscopes, Insta-Tarot, Oracle and More

All Access Membership – This is not a recurring payment – you are not locked in.

Email Mystic if you would like to trial for a few weeks first.

120 thoughts on “Competition: Explain This Trend To Win

  1. AGAIN there are just so many more great, fabulous entries than there are prizes…but there are only three winners so voila – this week’s people…

    The Wealth Wallet: Starbaies
    The 12 Books: Sphinx
    The Mercurial Key Ring: L.Whitfield

    please email me your best mailing address! Thank you to everyone for the always inspirational wit and wildness xxx

    • Thank youuuuuu T_T Cheers for all of the entries. A whole lot of wit and talent in this group and Im truly humbled to have won something. xx

      (Ill tell Ella she won a wallet from MM, Im sure it’ll put a big smile on her face. lol)

    • Wow thank you so much!! I will treasure the books!! Brilliant post I loved all the stories. This is a ray of sunlight on this dark moon, (dark last several moons tbh) cheers Mystic xoxo.

  2. “Bring an edge to the accessories, an edge to the shoes…something unexpected…” those were the last comments that Miller heard before he rushed out of the design meeting. Fashion week was just 21 days in the future and he was feeling the stress.

    Miller made it to his therapist’s office within a minute of his appointment time, his mind still reeling, accessories and shoes in his thoughts.
    As he usually did in the spring, he met Sarah, the best therapist in the city, on the patio of her office. It was once again time to honor his inner child.

    As Miller relaxed in the sun Sarah brought him to a place of peace and safety. He saw his inner. Child, and there she was. The little Pisces girl, her name is Millicent. Could she also be his inner child? He would say YES. Millicent was whirling and twirling, two barbies in each hand. Laughing and giggling, she sang “I am Barbie, I am Barbie! I noticed haw floral dress and pink Jelly shoes.

    For the first time since interacting with his inner child, Miller let young Miller play with his truck and approached Millicent. She laughed and stayed hello, I have been waiting for you! We talked for a while, we talked about Barbie! I asked her what she wanted. She said “I am Barbie! I want to be TALL!” I promised to honor her and we said our goodbyes. I heard Sarah calling me back to our session and returned to the sunlight on the patio.

    I raced back to the studio, pink jelly shoes on my mind. What was the modern equivalent? Of course, Barbie pink crocs…no, Barbie pink embellished platform crocs. Millicent would definitely approve…and is probably twirling in them now.

  3. The Godfather of Leather was having an existential crisis about the next fashion runaway trend, over his exotic fruit tart in the Le Grande Epicerie located in a small Parisian district. When his young apprentice turned to him with eager young eyes as he recalled crocs making a red carpet appearance at the 67th annual Emmy Awards. That day, the fate of foot fashion was determined to never be the same again. After all, the Sun was in Leo, and if it was good enough for Alan Cumming, then it was deemed good enough for the runaways of Paris. Ah, j’adore.

  4. I submitted a comment and it never showed up. But I am scared to try again because my last one got posted twice. Are comments in a moderation queue?

  5. Alexis Stargazer hadn’t intended to visit earth. Uranus and Jupiter were provoking her natal Mercury. She was on her way back from a fact-finding mission on asteroid Gary when her space ship malfunctioned. She was under the effects of some powerful transits. Her love life was a mess. Pluto was on her natal Venus, which is square Neptune. She couldn’t get Gary of her mind. So mind-achingly dull. His inexplicable banality fascinated her. There must be more to him. No one can be so dull. What of his asteriod? Asteroid Gary was a griege blob. How did he have such pull? She reached over to her intergalactic gps when she felt the sludge of Gary weighing her ship down. She wanted to aim for a quiet spot in the Pacific, but it didn’t work out and she plopped in the Western Mediterranean.

    She set her spaceship to dissolve and grabbed the flotation device that contained her communication channels and floated to the surface. She climbed ashore in Cartagena, and stepped into her flotation device. That’s what the “crocs” were – multi-purpose survival gear. They had different configurations, including hyper boots and a stilt setting. The little bits of bling in the holes of the crocs? Think of them like those Amazon buttons that you can push to have something delivered, only when you push it, a delivery service delivers you wherever you want to go. The survival pack also contained a trench coat that transformed into a puffer with face mask if needed. You never knew the climate of the location where you would crash-land. But she didn’t need it and left it to dissolve with the ship.

    She was bending over to push for her interglactic uber when someone snapped a picture. She was gone moments later off to meet friends on Vesta. She never intended such a look to make it to earth fashion runways. It seems a cosmic joke – the inexplicable influence of Gary.

  6. The platforms are needed to wade through all the water with Neptune in Pisces and Jupiter in Scorpio. With sun moon and venus in libra we will be able to maintain some level of balance despite the height.

    • Yeah it’s trans dimensional or TD. If you pass after 20 years you can claim Tranny D rights for the first 80 years of your next incarnation.
      Just got to remember your password. When Mystic talks about her cloud server she’s referring to the Magellan cloud so incarnations within 100 light years are cool. Hope you win !

  7. It is an echo of Pluto in Scorpio squaring up to Saturn in Aquarius. Pluto is crossing the path of Uranus during the 90’s and as a result experienced a mild short circuit that teleported his theme of tearing down old structures into a former era that was not part of the bigger plan but is a mere blip on the radar that will, in due time, be obliterated.

    We are witnessing a re-emergence of the 90’s. Amongst the grunge these were the times of tie-dyed and bold coloured slips worn as frocks, sometimes with tees underneath and paired with Nike Airwalkers or docs. Yes, you should probably consider that the model is wearing a flannelette shirt tied around her waist as well. This is a flimsy attempt at creating an illusion of a new trend and one that I have no doubt Pluto will destroy once he prioritises it in his to-do list. The real message which unfortunately may be lost due to the blindness experienced by gazing upon this image, was the fresh rebellion against convention, structure and order.

    On the upside if they were actually recycling slips and such then that would be great use of the excessive waste that is our fashion industry but I doubt it.

    The slip caught my eye before the crocs. Neptune in Pisces we are one with .. well whatever and then I saw all the badges on the crocs.. 90’s grunge meets 80’s pastels and wow where is the 70’s acid please?

  8. Jeez, I just saw a picture of these ? Was flicking through some magazines at the local store and there they were on the cover of Scouts Life. Apparently they have been approved for hiking in Brazilian rain forests and for use in communal shower blocks (to avoid tinea, a serious issue in scouting). The bling turns out to be orienteering and foot health achievement badges ? If you look closely one of the badges is in the shape of a little foot. See ?
    The guys that designed these are obviously caring and responsible people who aren’t in it for anything more than to know that their work is keeping our kids safe. 🙂 Bless there little socks. Which by the way are not too shabby !

  9. Sometimes one needs a bit of height to see things from afar. Lofty ideas are not available when one wears thongs or flats. So for those moments, when your ideas and brain waves need elevation, we have the perfect pair of shoes to zap the world with.
    Why plastic? You can walk over water, carried by the impetus of your stride and keep your feet dry!
    A must-have for lofty thinkers!

  10. The Emperor’s New (Designer) Shoes.
    Wonderful, fabulous and no more ridiculous or hideous than the average designer garment/accessory. Inspired by Skatewear, Anime and 70s Plaforms.
    Being Designer items ( and therefore notoriously able to be palmed off to a fawning, brainwashed, breathlessly-waiting public whole continents of whom are still making do with knock-offs), these ‘Designer’ platform Crocs tick all the boxes.
    Although easy to copy, it is no biggie as the production costs for these ‘Original’ shoes are minimal ie. less than $1 US to extrude and mold the foam. And they basically advertise themselves. The extra centimeters are always appreciated by the shorter people of the world.

    Personally, I am happy to wait until they arrive at Target next year or to pick some up at a local market in Bali ( where the selection of brightly coloured, plastic footwear is the best). And the clip-on “Charms/Motifs” selection extensive.

  11. Comfortable platforms?

    The 90s are sorta back in style, and while crocs emerged in the 2000s, no one wore them as fashion, just comfort. But honestly, some of us like to be tall and comfortable at the same time.

    But who wouldn’t want to wear some pins on it? Just to spice it up. Kinda like Lisa Frank. Because, if the the 90s are back, that means so is LF.

    Think sketchers too.

    We know they look weird, but just try them on. The comfort alone will convince you. And then conversation starter, ya?

  12. These might be the spirit shoes of my BFF. I recall during college her moonboot phase, and how we got denied entrance at a Montreal night club because of them

  13. There was a noise like a bullet train colliding with a crystal chandelier and the room went silent. As the Toro host’s jaw dropped and his hair stood on end, Megan realized that something just HAD to be done about la question des pieds.

    Yes, it was SOP for Fixed peeps to regard her with fear and trembling as if she were a windmill with a face glued on. And why not? With Sun-Venus-Jupiter in Gemini, South Node in Sagg, Mars-Uranus-Pluto in Virgo, and Moon-Saturn in Pisces, she was a certified Mega Mutable.

    Maybe “certifiable” was more accurate. Just last week she had tripped over a shadow and bumped an Aquarian elbow. The elbow was—annoyingly– attached to a hand holding a cigarette, and the cigarette proceeded to make contact with a Scorpio’s nose.

    And now this.

    That was when the idea came to her like a brick with a bulb inside it –Cripple Crocs! That would be her new line of shoes: bulky, chunky, gloriously clumsy! Women wearing them would have to plod and dawdle and crawl—even Mega Mutables—OOOh, she could have Usain Bolt modeling them! The time was ripe, with all the buzz around turning off your devices, unplugging, slowing down yada yada yada

    Time to warp 10 out of this party and do some sketching. . .

    • I watched the models walk down the runway with these shoes on their feet in this youtube video–it comes in at the very end:

      I noticed how in the rest of the show, the models carried a handbag, but none of them carried anything in their hands when they wore the Crocs. It was as if they needed both hands free and could not carry anything or the Crocs would throw them off-balance.

      • I think the only bag that would work with these might be a similarly loud backpack! Think Tokyo school kids lost in Vegas. Maybe hard to make that work with the pretty dress, but that in itself sounds like a worthy challenge for this designer 🙂

        • “Aha!” thought Megan, sketching furiously with her right hand while writing with her left,”Why not Boulder Backpacks along with Cripple Crocs? Shaped and colored like extra-large rock candy crystals? Transparent plastic–models could be slebs with a Mega Mutable chart! Talking about how this slows them down–OOh.. . So Kurt-Vonnegut-Harrison-Bergeron-y. . .”

  14. Whomever is responsible for this originally wanted to set the trend with those moon bounce shoes. Denied this ability (due to a series of lawsuits against moon shoes for multiple broken ankles of children back in the late 90’s) they dismissively sent in a ‘platcroc’ prototype as a joke but were astounded when contemporaries and financial backers (the latter of which secretly wore crocs around the house when no one of importance was around) shrugged and said ‘why not?’

  15. 4am William Gibson lays awake the synopsis for his upcoming novel Euphonia written as a play on the ancients and moderns tropes pygmies standing on the shoulders of giants seeing further, flipped giants standing on pygmies.

    The haute couture outfit (worn by an army of teams as an outfit) has been selective rolled out for certain gooks and crooks with invisibility cloak and a myriad of wardrobe adroit functions, teamed with platform crocs (of abominably garish colour clashing proportions) whose pop culture avatars pinned as badged fandom offer every known character and force imaginable, plugging into augmented reality in Tokyo, Hong Kong, London New York blah blah blah–Japanese geishas run by the Yakuzi infiltrating google, amazon, Microsoft, facebook ad infinitum. The surveillance heavy world now meshed seamlessly with augmented reality has somehow triggered a biological glitch body-mind adepts whose herbal remedies “extra” allow for powers to match the sinister cyborg-hybrid of corporate espionage and the bloated governmentality of developed economies. the mind-body adepts have no interest in fame or fortune eschew control of any form–the game they are about is no less that nourishing the soul of a stricken world disembowelled by extractive industries and surfeit of materialism. The Yakuzi and every other game in town what to know how their doctrine of self-exemplification, but have failed erstwhile to hack it or even come close to fathoming its motivation and depth. They have only so far only met with headaches and hangovers in their attempts at thought experiments and runs through the labyrinth of tactical swarming (aka De Certeau) in a ‘too vast to contain them and system too tightly woven to escape’. The celebrated Gibson author rolls over on his side as the undersea cable is breached, financial markets go into freefall and the whole of Europe goes into blackness as German anarchist separatists shutdown the leading nuclear power plants. nuff said

  16. Fashion designer, Egoïste Prétentieux was nothing if not highly superstitious. He selected the models for his runway shows via a complex calibration involving the house rulership of a selected tarot card X the model’s daily caloric intake divided by Gigi Hadid’s IQ.

    A Leo with Pisces Rising, Egoïste enjoyed jotting down notes in his Louis Vuitton Monogram notebook, with a Diamante by Aurora gold pen.

    When his DARLING pal the Saggitarian Tanning Oil Heiress, Aventura Louca invited him on a trip to a mysterious tropical on her private Super Yacht- how could he say no? It would give him an excuse to buy new resort wear, and he did so fancy himself in those gold swimming trunks with a tasteful navy stripe.

    It turned out that Aventura was keen to enlist the services of her latest conquest—the Aquarian archaeologist and shaman Waiho Ahau Anake.

    An intriguing fellow, Waiho was not keen to “whip up a sacred ceremony, heavy on the psychedelics” for Aventura and her 50+ fashion/rock climbing/street performing/random friends, no matter how much cash she promised him.

    Egoïste Prétentieux was most excited about the champagne and his swimming trunks, but when a scowling Waiho passed the gathered throng a concoction in a stone bowl, he felt it would be rude not to partake. He put the shaman’s scowl down to jealousy over his gold swimming trunks. The horrid woven –ugh was that hemp?–robe the man was wearing would give anyone the jitters.

    The next thing Egoist knew he was drowing in what felt to be a cloud of last-season Balenciaga. This was terrible. Pant-legs snaked their way around his neck—it was like wrestling with a giant squid. Help! He cried out. Where were his friends? He was suspended in the blackness of space with only a passing Miu-Miu clog to cling to. UGH. He hated Prada. Suddenly an ethereal goddess made of star-dust appeared before his eyes. She was immense, statuesque. She patted his head. “Poor, dear Egoïste…” she murmured. “You appear to be lost”. On her feet were the star-studded chopines of a 15th Century Venetian prostitute. He gasped! : The Madonna and the Whore! She was joined by the Indian Goddess Rama, fashioned of stars, her feet clad in padukas. Such ancient beautiful footwear! He was trembling. Both women were suddenly surrounded by a chorus line of giggling Japanese school-girls, wearing hot pink crocs and dancing a conga line. His head started to spin, their faces orbiting his own like planets and singing in some ancient language.

    He awoke, trembling and sweating on the beach. The fires had died out and Aventura’s friends had dispersed. He reached for his Messenger Bag and fumbled around for his gold pen.

  17. Neptune in Pisces. I have been working through foot pain for the first time in my life. Consequently, I discovered a space in my foot to stretch that I never realized existed before.

    These shoes make sense to me. Add bling or remove to fit in or stand out as necessary. Elevated so that you are hovering. Yet common and accessible. Easy to put on should you have to dash. Virtually disposable should you have to leave them behind. Flood ready for the next catosrphic storm. Optimistically apocalyptic.

  18. Neptune in Pisces. I have been working with foot pain for the first time in my life. Consequently, I discovered a space in my foot I must stretch to alleviate. I had no idea that space existed before.

    This shoes make sense to me. Common. Yet keeping you elevated inches off the ground. Hovering. Accessible. Easy to put on in a dash. Virtually disposable should you have to leave them behind. Customizable. Ready for light flooding in case of next disaster. Optimistically apocalyptic.

  19. Fashion in a post Facebook, post-instagram world of Uranus in Gemini circa 2025: beige slip from op shop dyed green for eco-consciousness and worn as out wear; wedge heels married to crocs with pegboard to display allegiances and values.

  20. So many great entries and Kel sort of covered my take with the me too theme.
    I might just have to buy me some of those prizes.

  21. Is she asking for it now???

    These stacked and jibbit-studded crocs made waves in fashion scenes the world over in the final months of a year where women had just had enough of the over sexualisation of everything marketed towards them. The hashtag #metoo on social media had brought to light an uncomfortable pink elephant in the room which could only be walked over in wedges of the same colour. So many sisters had whizzed through the pages of ‘the life changing magic of not giving a fuck’, well before a well-known femme fashion guru had really put her foot in her mouth and blamed sexual harassment on the provocative clothing of victims. I’m sorry did I stutter?

    The stacked croc flipped the bird to it all, and kept feet clean and dry from the surrounding shit storms. Archaeologists in the year 50,2017 who dusted the remains of cities unearthed beneath their organic garden precincts had trouble making sense of a lot of the archaic technology from eras past, but the unblemished crocs were a no brainer.

  22. *queasy emoji*

    I, I….can’t…! This is just too great an assault on my Venusian aesthetic sensibilities – soz, ya’ll are on your own!

    For real, though; this is Libran kryptonite. That ?shoe? is for sure the bastard lovechild of Mario Batali and Betsey Johnson – there is no other possible explanation for its existence.

  23. The platform crocs are preparation for Uranus in Taurus. Though they may not be pretty these babies provide decent comfort + adequate drainage and height to keep you from getting soggy feet while you tend to the garden or sloshing through the torrential water that keeps being poured over the western hemisphere. Uranus design?….are we reimagining what is beautiful to reflect what is functional?
    Perhaps the sole is stackable so you can customize the height of the shoe.
    The shoe bling+color is so you can spot your pair being used a mile away.

  24. The ugly shoe that won’t die… here’s my take on the Croc, and especially, the gawd-awful platform croc.

    Billed as an eco-friendly, comfortable shoe, easily recyclable, and still affordable, the Croc is actually a strange chunk of petro-chemicals that were born of the oil industry. That right there tells you they are not as “green” (though they do come in various shades of green color) as they are purported to be.

    Why are they now coming back as – shudder – platforms? And worn in an actual fashion show as a coming thing? I think it is this: Pluto in Capricorn is doing its push-pull with the deep Establishment. We are all feeling it on every continent on this planet. All the “-arch-ies” and “-ocracies” (patriarchy, oligarchy, plutocracy, even democracy it seems) are doing a strange, drawn-out die-off and it’s not without its Herxheimers. Neptune in Pisces is involved in this as well. There is a strange haze to life these days, nothing is clear anymore, even the Truth. Which also brings in Saturn in Saggitarius, the definer of the Truth. And people’s energies are all over the place, which sings to me of Uranus doing it’s crazy last dance in fiery “I do what I want!” Aries.

    Something new is afoot (see what I did there) and this fuqing shoe is a distraction. Just like picking fights with North Korea, the NFL, and Puerto Rico are distractions from Russiagate and Climate Change. While our world burns, in some places quite literally, or otherwise gets washed out by the enormous force of Neptune’s oceanic might, this stupid shoe placates those who would rather stick their head in the sand and make believe that everything is just fine, that this shoe will actually help save the environment (it won’t), it’s perky and cute and fashionable (it’s not), and hey, we deserve to have a little fun sometimes too, right? No, actually, we have work to do. And this stupid shoe is meant to make you forget all about that and take your ADHD focus – and your autonomous power – away from you.

    There are way more attractive and more eco-friendly shoes available than this monstrosity. Don’t let the lower qi of these great forces – lower Neptune in Pisces, lower Pluto in Cap, lower Saturn in Sagg, even lower Uranus in Aries – lull you into succumbing to the numb pacification the Establishment would love to see you drown in so they can retain their hideous, soul-sucking power over all of us (now I sound like Uranus in Aries). Perhaps once Saturn reaches Capricorn and Uranus reaches Taurus we will all have a wake up call from this sick dream we are all currently caught in. Maybe things will click into gear then and we will all awaken and realize “These are truly ugly fuqing shoes, what was I thinking?!” and toss them overboard. Or better yet, actually recycle them and stop buying them.

    True sustainability is rising… I’ll hold out for the grounding energy of the Earth signs incoming and take a big pass on these shoes.

  25. Crocs were first shown in 2002 as boat shoes (Neptune, Pisces) and Neptune in aquarius (the at the time technologically advanced foam material was the big deal). So yea my first thought was peak Neptune in Pisces, with Dr Chiron also in Pisces gravitating the collective toward comfort footwear… I looked at the 2002 ephemeris and saw that Saturn was in Gemini that year.. so i’m thinking all of the above plus Crocs’ Saturn opposition lol… squaring transit Neptune last year, which I guess would roughly reconcile with fashion industry’s design calendar yes?

  26. Nurse and Sun in Saggitarius native Saffron Aka Saffy leaned on the staff room table. She did not yet know that the hot head nurse was secretly microdosing LSD and had taken his Coconut Green Smoothie, downing it, in a provoking act of gastronomic thievery certain to exasperate his cool, unruffled Aquarian mien.

    Now, as the walls seemed to bend slightly, Saffy concerned herself with how she could really give back to the world. Contemplating the perfect, fiercest nursing shoe she could imagine, she felt impulsed to ransack the room and by midnight she had her materials. Not that she ever mentioned it later, but machine elves had appeared out of cracks in the floor, singing in merry monotone and with tiny tools flying, gotten to work.

    Fashioned in a whirl of hubba bubba, fridge magnets and food from the staff fridge the shoes glowed pinkly in cold light. Saffy suddenly recalled her duties and she daintily picked her way past the patient in 219 who lay on her deathbed.

    Anna Wintour lay there contemplating her approaching demise and wondering what her final gift to the world would be. As her eyes connected with the shoes through an opioid haze she saw the future. “Come here, my dear”..

    4 months later. No one ever really knew if it was a sardonic offering or a commitment to a new reality for haute fashion. The biggest funeral in fashion had pall bearers and priests all attired in what would become the world’s favourite new shoe. Interdimensional entities laughed at this joke for what may have been, and yet not been simultaneously, an eternity.

  27. P.s. Like. Would strongly consider wearing. Also that beautiful dress/skirt in cosmic spearmint. it’s the pins which are doing all the work here

  28. The practical solution to an increasingly common problem. How to get from a to b on foot without ruining one’s suede slouch booties in this weather. Capricorn feels an urgency to develop a workable fix. Pisces looks dismayed at the thought of galumphing through the street in graceless gumboots, which do nothing for her ankles. And especially with the Georgian lace and watered silk dress in her favourite shade of cosmic peppermint. Capricorn’s eyes light on the solution. A tumbled pile of boxes down by the recycling bins. Returning 1 minute and 37 seconds later she holds two pairs of sandals in her hands. Fetching a tube of Quik-Dry (TM) rubber glue and a box knife from her toolkit she goes to work neatly slicing the top off one pair. Glue, clamps, a timer set. Pisces wanders in barefoot and smiles sideways at the Capricorn. “You are just the most genius thing.” Capricorn shrugs. “It’s nothing, i had everything we needed.” Not quite smiling, but returning Pisces gaze. They seem to drift in time for a moment. The timer bell quietly bleeps. Capricorn comes to, smiles, un-clamps the construction. Pisces eyes widen. Six inches taller, electric grape, and able to withstand the worst of the flooded pavements in this tropical downpour. Her years as a dancer had made her yearn for tall but comforting shoes. She reflected a moment. “Wait, I have the perfect thing.” She went to her canvas bag and took off all the pins that were a thank-you present from the local RSPCA. She handed some to the Capricorn, who understood, and they pinned them to the top.

    • *to be clear, cappy was not recycling used shoes, she was salvaging new product from a local store that had closed and just left piles of boxes with perfectly new condition shoes, for the wolves.
      Capricorn went back the next day with the Pisces and collected the remainder of the shoes to give to a nearby homeless shelter. 🙂

      • i can actually see this happening 🙂 so much win here. you had me at cosmic spearmint and electric grape. If everything had galactic sounding names I would be way more of a fashion victim instead of just wearing jeans and a tee (in public) and sweatpants (also in public)

  29. Just an attention seeking tactics…? To make something intentionally hideous because people actually do tend to remember that kind of thing.

  30. Crocalotabots. New era punk, softcore to the max. Version 2.0 glitter varieties enroute in late 2018 in preparation for the oncoming disco revolution that will be Jupiter in Sagittarius!

  31. This is called ‘A Piscean’s Worst Nightmare’. This trend was creatively formulated by a well known Capricorn shoe designer (although incognito to those outside an exclusive few). After finding out his ex partner had decided to leave him and take up with another less well known (and hastened to add much younger) shoe designer, the quick thinking designer left some “sketches” lying around for his next show. Knowing his ex partner was a hound (always was and always will be) these sketches would be invaluable to him as he would (naturally) “gift” them to his new partner. It will become the “genius idea” that came to him one night after being encased in space dust at the Burning Man Festival. This new design will make his new partner more famous, even more so than his ex.

    Seated at the front and next to Anna Wintour of the young designer’s next show, the Capricorn shoe designer had to blink twice because sauntering down the catwalk were not only his sketches come true but his ex modelling them.

    Oh how the Capricorn shoe designer and Anna laughed and laughed…

    ‘An avocado!’ howled Anna

  32. Mate!!! They’re awesome! I love my crocs, and I’m only 5 ft / 150 so I’d definitely give it a go. But I think it is a nod to the 70’s platforms, as 70’s is very in now. And they’re my colour

  33. Someone taking the stats on how much plastic is in the pacific gyre and elsewhere in the ocean per person on the planet and turning it into a wearable illustration? ie you could walk from the antarctic circle to the equator without ever touching land or water?

    If only Louboutin and co would go set up a floating factory and do something truly fashion forward.

  34. Same shit, different day. The weight that was Saturn had been something she had only recently become accustomed to. It was 4:13 am and Ella already started to roll her eyes. The mere thought of the start of another day started to give her onset dermatitis. Things just werent functioning well for this Uranian Pisces. All sorts of conditions were pinned on her her entire life (people project so easily on Pisceans!) and she just literally was so over them all. She had had enough of this crap. She wasnt dealing drugs, cheating others, sexually harassing or harming anyone so why the hate and judgement? Let a girl LIVE. She wanted to live a different kind of high, and lived by the beat of her own drum. She resented the daily enforced homogenization of her soul. Yet, time was on her side – she just didnt know it yet. Yes, the Time God and Lord of Karma. Saturn was officially on her back for the last 2 years instructing her to wield the Ace of Sword gifted her at the beginning of her annual visionquest, and she knew justice needed to be served for the last 27 years of her life. Being so Uranian, she was already beyond current reality on every plane, jumping dimensions regularly, but over time it had been harder to jump from this one because of its density. It had taken a toll on her for having to go through the motions in this one for years, forced to wait like some victimized space Cinderella. Her visionboards sat there collecting dust, her sageing, moon baths and soundbath therapy only serving as temporary pick-me-ups; the real her was crowded with apathy and cynicism and bad vibes from the cage of a situation that was muffling the light and electricity of her being. She recalled JK Rowling’s quote of letting rock bottom becoming the rock solid foundation that you build your life upon. Well… she definitely had an abundance of rock… if the neverending shitstorm would pass, thankyouverymuch, so that she could finally build, she would appreciate it, PLEASEANDTHANKYOU. People already misunderstood her and over time had took her for some loser due to the misfortune on top of her weirdness, so in a way her real troubles were veiled. But change was due and her time was up.

    One day, she walked over to her local Trader Joes and saw that a new crystal shop had opened overnight. Immediately drawn to the giant selenite in the window, she walked in. The air shifted for a nano second. She could feel the energy current morph into a different pattern and as she got goosebumps on her arm, she knew she had arrived at another dimension. Curious with this sensory feedback, she signed up for her turn at a palm reading even though her last few readings had left her mildly traumatized. “Your karma is coming due”, the reader began. “It took a long time… but it took this long for all of the pieces to come into place so that your destiny can manifest at full potential. Its right around the corner, you’ll see.” An intended quick 15 min. pop-in turned into an hour and half long depth journey that left Ella in an unusually visible display of tears. But tears of joy and gratitude.

    That night, she had a vision of a star being that came by her bed. She identified herself as the Triple Moon Goddess and telepathically told her that she was watching over her and guiding her as an energetic envoy. Her body sparkled though there was no light, and intricate blue designs covered every inch of her artfully like glowing fine china. She was very tall with a slender body, and moved like a royal feline. She was simultaneously beautiful maiden and crone. The vision haunted her and one day at work she overheard some of the guys talking about different types of UFO’s, but a name she never heard before piqued her curiosity: Mantis. It didnt take long before pieces came together: the mantis that laid an egg sac on her doorway. The pet name given to her by her spiritual mentor. The insect prominently featured in one of her favorite movies. The strong female energy in her lineage that had gifted her her strong creative streak and how men seem to strongly gravitate to, yet at the same time, shy away, from her. Her Venus-Pluto signature was no coincidence, it seemed.

    The next night, her visitor came again, and this time arrived with body covered in neon patterns of moving emojis and pop culture graphics.
    She took her to a place that only looked like an underground sewage system – thankfully for her Virgoan Venus – with several doors marked with an indiscernable symbol at the top. She was prompted to pick one by her glowing companion. When she opened it, she found herself in a loft in NY, covered wall-to-wall in sumptuous fabrics hanging in all shades of Laduree pastries with strikes of neon through them like a Turrell installation. Standing by the floor-to-ceiling window behind a table full of patterns, was a lone designer that was diligently putting together a collection for an upcoming fashion show, completely unaware of the two invisible and inaudible visitors. Ella visually osmosized the scene and went through all of the racks of clothing before her companion motioned for her quickly that it was time to leave. Before leaving, Ella took a long green slip dress and purple heels with her. As they left the portal and came back to the underground sewer, the water had started to rise with large puddles gathering all around, and with a simple glance, her neon companion altered the construction of her shoes so that she could make her way back without getting her feet wet. When Ella woke up the next day, she saw the two pieces of clothing laying by her chair as she left them the night before… and a smile grew on her face. Every night her visitor came – and together they went back to that dark, dank cave of portals. Travelling from door to door, they would come back right as the waters rose, platformed water mules keeping her safe and dry. They travelled the world and she trained silently and invisibly with the best.

    During one of her many nighttime trips – whilst trying on other shoes before rushing out to beat the tide – the purple platforms she took off got left behind.
    The next day, the designer from that room scratched his head with flared nostrils when he discovered these purple baby high chairs in the place of his hand encrusted swarovski lambskin thigh high boots. After inquiring others of its origins, and not getting any answers, he took it as a sign from the Universe, quizzically thanked his guides for the tip, and faithfully worked it into his own collection. Ella saw them sashaying down the runway later that season. And although nobody else in the crowd appreciated the choice in footwear, it was like seeing an old best friend for Ella, and she thought it only right to get them back. She was the first and only one to sign up for these shoes; as the designer did not even want them anymore, she was able to snag the sample (her original shoes) for practically free. The designer that took the tip so graciously and worked with his faith was awarded with a coveted industry New Visionary award orchestrated by his guides, so it all worked out in the end. Because of the exposure from that award, other designers soon followed suit… and the baby high chair shoes trend ignited.

    Ella became one of the most plugged in creatives working behind the scenes in the industry. Zeitgeist, even. It took a lightning bolt of a year for all the change to happen physically since she walked into that shop. But really, I would say that her life was in the process of change as the chips were falling away from her favor… taking her huge steps back to be propelled forward exponentially.

    Moral of the story: Dont judge a fuqed up looking baby high chair shoe by its cover. Walk a mile in her shoes…

    (And… if you have a chance to trade them, its ok to trade them for the swarovski encrusted lambskin ones, obv. DUH.)

    • So good ! Your story has pretty much everything, including the word baby which is always a winner, like awwww, babies.. yeah .. and the moral is genius ! A prize is inches from your grasp.

      • Lol, babies. Yeah, I shouldve mentioned swamp baby or something xD

        Prize or not, I came to join and share. Had a lot of fun piecing this thing together. It ended up being so lengthy but eh, I kind of liked it that way. Congrats on making it through to the end lol. And thanks for the positive words – compliment coming from you.

  35. Crocs Brand Manager was weeping they closed at least 50 stores in the past five years. At the Uranian team brand strategy sess after siping on green juices and vegan no artificial colouring dairy and gluten free fairy bread the team suddenly realised they could pay off LVMH far more cheaply than close the next 50 stores … a meeting was set a designer was chosen and a lucrative deal was stuck with the petrochem foam maker and Chinese producer of the customised badges for new LVMH croc these would be sold at over 1,000 percent of the price of the earlier model. All that remained was a rework by Karl Largerfeld a shoot by Steven
    Miesel and a spread in Italian Vogue. One kitch ironic and lucrative brand revival complete!

  36. “They’re so comfortable!’ she moaned, “And they are perfect for my new job cleaning up catastrophic crime scenes in coastal areas of Barbados, which I do to supplement my own business of shamanic healing through crystal vaginal suppositories. I was born with Neptune in Scorpio, you know, but never realised it was really DRIVING me until my Uranus opposition”. Everyone else at the Hole reunion concert, who were also wearing home-dyed vintage nightwear, was eagerly enjoying Courtney Love’s return to form. Sure, she looked a little strung out, but at least she’d turned up, which is more than they’d expected. “I just love the fact that I can wear them in the mosh-pit too!” she flailed.
    “SHUT UP!” said the Amazonic Aries beside her.
    “YEAH!” chorused the women around them.
    “We’ve been listening to your crap ever since the start of the show!” bleated the menstrual Cancerian, continuing, “You talked all the bloody way through Doll Parts!”

  37. My guess? Subconscious astro flash on a designer mind: how can you walk on Mother Earth with both Uranus in Taurus and Neptune in Pisces?

  38. Na can’t explain that trend unless the designer wasn’t allowed to have a Bratz doll when he/she was little in the early 2000’s.

  39. Forget Snakes on a Plane, now we have crocs on the runway. Yes, these big-ass mutha-fuqin’ colourful ‘FOAM’ atrocities are the work of Arien Demna Gvasalia . Being an Aries/Mars Man and working at a top Parisian fashion house, Demna has an extreme level of image awareness who will push the boundaries like no other. He doesn’t give a flying fuq about the haters. Because this man is a pioneering dare-devil in fashion and one look at the Spring 2018 collection, and you will know that this is the natal work of Ramzilla. Camouflage? Check, Bold colours? Check, Being Ironic / Tongue in Cheek? Gvasalia was quoted saying of said crocs “it’s a very innovative shoe”, check. And if you are still not convinced? I triple dare you to check out his previous attempts of pushing the envelope. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the IKEA bag.

  40. With a whimsical Piscean Mercury square Uranian moon, Demna was used to strange ideas exploding from the ethers of daily life. As an Aries these ideas would be actualized without question, try getting in his way lol.

    A recent kundalini workshop had pushed these ideas into outré visions.
    And not a minute too late, campy streetwear was getting old.

    The latest had occurred as he strolled home in the early morning Berlin fog.
    A lone croc hovered over a pool of swampy water, a winking day glo glide through the primordial sludge of a post trumpian apocalypse. the key to the new collection. Bag charms were way too last decade. It would be all about the mutable collectibility of shoe charms and potential for feng shui-age or sudden aeration if necessary.

    He smirked at the thought of watching the Amphibious lux platforms pass by LVMH chairpeople at the show.

  41. O the original twat clogs I associate with a certain middle class person…i hate them!! So these ..well human or android they are repulsive, non? I mean. Why? Just why?

  42. Fashion designers are always producing six to nine months before the shift. Crocs with decor are total Uranus in Taurus zeitgeist. Futuristic gardening in lingerie while sipping mycomedicinals is pre-trend. Expensive tooth powder and lots of tulle will be de rigeur.

    Other potentialities: living countertops and carpets that digest dirt and food scraps. Comfortable designer tree houses. Espresso frothed with paleo dreamweed coconut oil. Bioneering and home surgery for body modification for added sensory abilities. Bars where you can pretend you are a cat and lap milk and have your back scratched.

    All night DJ rave tree planting parties on deforested land. Bring it.

    • Interesting that you talk about futuristic gardening and tree planting raves. I was listening the other day to a woman whose company has developed a tree planting drone. They fly around and send love video to the base, when a site is selected they can land dig a hole and plant the seeds. They estimate that with a good number of drones they could plant millions of trees a year. I love the idea.

    • You had me at the bar. I want a tummy rub too. Maybe a new form.of table top dancing. Us leos don’t pretend to be cats.

  43. Ahhhh escuzee esccuzee…Mai name is Leonie and I am the pinnacle designer for the elevation and exaultation of ze croc shoewear.
    You see, one day, while walking the streets of London, head down, watching the pavement pass while I contemplated the unleashing of my first, as yet unformed contribution to the history of fashion I was struck hard by a thought:
    ‘The fashion industry iz dying too…ze glamour iz gone…the models of yezteryers are now seen for the skeletons they are…nobody really wants to pin demselves up as pin ups anymore…what does this mean for me..for all of us?’
    I saw ze futcha..where fashion would be truly innovative, but in alignment to ze real people. People who vant to be seen and known as demselves..however they have decided to define it.
    As I was walking I started to notice, along with the pavement, the shoes of ze people. So many shoes…so many boring shoes…none that made me want to look up and see the person dey belonged too. Then I looked up and saw that most people were also walking with their heads down…not seeing anyone or thing except ze pavement or zeir foon.
    I admit I was confused and scared for a moment.

    I hung my head, wondering, wondering…zen, a pair of bright orange crocs appeared between mai eyes and ze pavement..they had 3 little buttons…one a Gucci emblem…another the alchemical symbol for earth…and the third..a fish spouting water….!…I squawked with excitement..’this is someone I want to know!’ I thought. When I looked up I stared into the face of a very large old woman. She was smiling wiz missing teeth.
    ‘Wanna buy a flower?’ she asked. I couldn’t help but smile. I said yes and bought all of dem.

    I admit I’m a bit taken aback by the over night success I have had simply by adding a few extra inches to an already established shoe (one that until prior I destested…still do to be honest, but sssshh, it’s all a game right?)
    What I really take away is my vision of ze futcha…dis was just my unexpected in to making a name for maiself

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Mystic Medusa